Beard Goggles Endangered Species


Beard Goggles

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# Let's go on an adventure!

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# That isn't very wise

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# I love you guys! #

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-Waaaaah!

-Aaaaaah!

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# This is getting crazier

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# Feels like we're endangered...

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# Species! #

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MERL SIGHS

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SPORTS BUILD-UP MUSIC

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Da-da-da-da-da-da!

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Charge-amente.

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Ah, she is time for hockey night in this town.

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-WITH MUSIC:

-Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye.

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Merl, are you OK? It sounds like you're stubbing your toe

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but over and over and over and over and over and over and over

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and over, over, over.

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Hey, this toe is totally unstubbed.

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Cancel the toe alert, Gull. Merl's just watching that hockey stuff.

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Not just hockey, the greatest hockey team ever,

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The Woodland Squirrels,

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back in the play-off for the first time in 66 years.

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Wouldn't that make The Squirrels the worst team ever?

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The very worst, but the true fan, he cares not for the mere winning

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and losing - no, the true fan cares about the mojo.

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The mojo penny, found under the coach by Grandpapa,

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during The Squirrels' last play-off win.

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The mojo mop mopped the tears of Grandpapa during the Squirrels'

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many, many, many play-off losses.

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The mojo mouldy hot dog,

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regurgitated-amente by Grandpapa,

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also during one The Squirrels' many, many, many, many, many

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play-off losses.

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Oh, Grandpapa!

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What a weak stomach you must have had!

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If those things are so mojo-rific, why do The Squirrels keep losing?

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A simple answer, my simple friend.

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These things, they are useless without the king of all the mojo,

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the luxurioso play-off beard.

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Oh, right...

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-The play-off beard. So you going to grow one, Merl?

-Que?!

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I have grown my magnifico plumage

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since The Squirrels got into the play-offs a month ago.

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Oh, yeah... Yeah, there it is. I think I see it.

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Oh, no...

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Yes, it is just my imagination.

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Eh?!

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Your confused expressions tell me that you are mucho impressed.

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Let us all bask in my beard mojo as my Squirrels, they skate to glory.

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BUZZER BEEPS

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And your final score, Screaming Eagles 57 there

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and The Woodland Squirrels, what?

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Yay! Merl's tiny beard did it! One of the teams won!

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It's a miracle.

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See, this is all Merl's fault.

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My beard, she does not have the mojo to lead The Squirrels to victory.

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Go on, Gull, eat the mojo dog.

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She is useless to me.

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Eat the what, the who now?

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MERL SOBS

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Here we go, sillyoldwivestales.com.

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This World Wide Web site will tell us how to grow your beard, Merl.

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Old wives' tales?

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Are those not just a bunch of tales exclusively for the old wives?

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Nah, remember when Gull messed up his eyes

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sitting too close to the TV?

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This site said carrots are good for your eyes.

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Hmm.

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Relax, Merl. The website's real clear.

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Regular shaving makes beards grow faster and thicker.

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A little here and a little...

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-Done!

-Oh, let me see, let me see!

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I still look like Merl.

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Muy bueno. Muy, muy bueno, Gull.

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Soon el beardo grande, she will come.

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Hey, what, no tip?!

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And after one period, The Squirrels find themselves once again behind.

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But with only 708 goals to make up for, it's still anybody's game.

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The shaving is not working either!

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Merl, I don't mind growing a beard if it's for you.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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You - grow a beard?!

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Oh, Gull, you have the least amount of mojo I have ever seen.

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But if you are wanting to waste your time with yet another

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idea ridiculoso, be my guest.

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Aah! Wasting time! My favourite!

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Hey!

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Ah, fitting in.

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Huh, well, looks like someone has more mojo then someone else thought.

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To be clear, first someone, Gull, second someone, Merl.

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I am aware of the someone order!

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HE BELCHES

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I will admit, Gull's beard, she is mucho luxurisimo

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but that does not mean he has the mojo.

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And The Squirrels jump up to an early 300-goal lead.

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It's almost as if somebody out there grew the most luxurious of all

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play-off beards there.

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And The Squirrels score. The Squirrels score!

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Look at that, The Squirrels score again!

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Two goals at once that time. Sure it's totally against the rules

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but who cares? The Squirrels score!

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Ahem.

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(Shhh.)

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You should be ashamed of yourself, letting the Gull have all the mojo.

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But The Squirrels, they are winning.

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What difference does it make whose mojo is doing what?

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What difference does it make?!

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Your family have been loyal fans for generaciones.

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What would Grandpapa say?

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But Merl, he cannot grow the beard.

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Just because we cannot grow the beard, does not

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mean we cannot have the beard.

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Huh! Is this the clippers I see before me?

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Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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It is the numero uno fan that should possess the mojo!

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Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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RAZOR BUZZES

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Merl! Oh, Merl!

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You didn't!

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Whoa! Merl, your beard came in!

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Oh, that is lucky timing because mine somehow fell off last night.

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Spooky!

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Well, Merl, you took the world's most luxurious beard and ruined it.

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For shame, for beard shame.

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There is no shame if The Squirrels win because of my mojo.

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I am the numero uno fan, not Gull.

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I'm sorry, Merl, I should have been more mumano nunomoyo.

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I'm not munamo numono!

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I hope you and beard will be happy together.

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And, by the way, it looks great on you. For shame!

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Ssh! Do not listen to them, beard. Whoops.

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Hmmmm.

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BUZZER BEEPS

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No, it's not what you think, Eagles jump to a lead

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three microseconds into this contest.

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-I mean...

-What?!

-It's got to be some kind of record or something there.

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OK, it is just a one goal.

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We still have mucho of the mojo.

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BUZZER BEEPS

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Eagles score and it seems like The Squirrels have completely

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lost any mojo they had.

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Repeat, lost their mojo there.

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BUZZER BEEPS

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And with the score 78-7 for Eagles,

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I'm afraid she's all over but the crying, Squirrel fans.

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MERL SOBS

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Merl!

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Gracias, me amigos.

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Merl has received his desserts, which are just.

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Can you forgive a beardless squirrel?

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Oh, that's OK, Merl.

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Hey, you're missing the big game.

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Eagles score, like...really lots.

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MERL SIGHS

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If Merl wants mojo, I'll give him tapioca.

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Squirrels score!

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It's not like they can turn this game around and just win,

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or can they?

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No. Oh, yes! Maybe...

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We need more power.

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Eagles shoot and...

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What a save!

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Wait, The Squirrels right winger Nutsky drives it to the net

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and he scores! What a beauty there!

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You had to see it to believe it there, though, eh?!

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Que? What is this?

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Nutsky scores again. Look out, Eagles,

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The Squirrels are on fire there, though, eh?

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Keep rubbing the balloons, people, keep rubbing the balloons.

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Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

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Oh!

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Well, that's the game, folks.

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The entire arena appears to have been blown into space

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by some kind of mojo meltdown there.

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We wish the both teams luck and a safe voyage back to earth.

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So goodnight.

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I guess Gull had too much mojo.

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It appears to be so.

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Well, there is always next season.

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