Dirty Dishes Fee Fi Fo Yum

Giant Television proudly presents Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Busy! Busy! There! Studio's finished!

What next?

A showbiz star. Earth!

Welcome to Family Fun For You with me, Les Dennis.

-Oi! You can't grab me, I'm a game show host!

-I can.

Next, humunchies. Yum yum!

-What are you doing? You can't eat him.

-I can.

-Put him down.

-Watch me.

I hate that giant!

Now, it's Fee Fi Fo Yum!

And today's contestants, all the way from Hertfordshire,

it's the Chameleons.

They'll be playing against the Loughborough Legends who have come from Leicestershire.

Here's a taste of the thrills and spills

that stand between them and their freedom.

Let's get out! Quick!

Watch out!

And now, here he is, every Giant's favourite host...

it's Des... I mean, Les Dennis!

Thank you very much. Hello and welcome to Fee Fi Fo Yum,

the show where the team that's not the winner will be Brian's...

ALL: Dinner!

And I am so delighted today to be able to tell you that,

for the 17th year running,

Fee Fi Fo Yum has won Best Gameshow here on GTV!!

-CHEERING

-Thank you! Thank you very much.

Would you like to say a few words, Brian?

Well, I would like to thank one special person,

without whom none of this would be possible.

He really is the star of the show.

I think you know who I'm talking about.

Let's hear it for...

me!

Yeah, lovely! Modest as ever!

OK. I'm going to get on with YOUR show.

Let's meet the teams. First, we meet the Chameleons.

CHEERING

How are you doing?

-Fine.

-Introduce us to your team.

-In my team I've got Rico.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Rico.

-Ellen.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Ellen.

-Toby.

-Hi, Les.

-Hiya, Toby.

-And Connor.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Connor.

If you were to sum up your team in one word, Rico,

-what would it be?

-Ever-changing.

Like a chameleon! OK, that's the Chameleons.

Let's go and meet the Loughborough Legends.

CHEERING

-Hi, Ethan.

-Hiya Les.

-I love the Mohican, that's really great.

-Thanks.

-Introduce your team.

-This is Lori.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hi, Lori.

-Moesha.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Moesha.

-Tyron.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Tyron.

-And Ben.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Ben.

So, how would you sum up your team in one work, Moesha?

Powerful!

Powerful! That's the teams!

This is how we play Fee Fi Fo Yum -

you will compete in a series of games in order to win time,

the more time you earn, the better the chance of winning the Great Escape at the end of the show.

So, who fancies wining some time right now?

ALL: We do, Les!

All right, let's get on with it! Here we go!

Go on, Des, do it! Do it!

Oh! All right, Brian.

Beans, beans they're good for your heart,

the more you eat them, the more you...

THRRRMP!

TEAMS GROAN

Ha-ha!

Ah-ha, ha!

Puhh!

Now, you've probably guessed, Brian likes beans.

And in this first game, you've got to give him some beans.

He's given you a teaspoon each.

You have to catapult as many beans as you can onto your piece of toast.

The team with the most beans on their toast will win the first five-second lifeline.

Is that clear, teams?

ALL: Yes, Les!

Good! Brian, who's going to play?

I want...

..Harrison and Rico.

You'd be nice on a piece of toast.

And I want Lori and Moesha.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Humunchies in my tummy!

Brian's made his choice.

Teams let's play...

Teams you will have until Brian's egg timer runs out

to make him a hill of beans. Good luck!

Brian, it's over to you.

Three, two, one...

-THRRRMP!

-That's it, off you go!

Brian frightened Harrison there, I think.

Oh! Beans, remember, on the other plate

will go to the other team.

So, be careful, Loughborough Legends, you're firing towards them.

Still no beans on any plate... Oh, there we go!

Right in the buttery bit! And again!

Oh, yummy!

More beans on the table so far, though.

-DING!

-30 seconds left!

It's got to go on the toast. It won't count on the plate.

Loughborough Legends are into their stride.

20 seconds.

Watch it, Chameleons, if it goes on your opponents toast,

it'll go to them.

Ten, nine, eight, seven...

That's it! Running out of time!

..five, four...

two, one.

-It's very close!

-Time's up!

That's it. Players rejoin your teams. Let's see how you did.

Chameleons, you got two beans. It's very good!

Loughborough Legends, it looks like you got four,

but one was after time was called, so you got three.

That means that you spill the beans, you come up trumps...

Don't even think about it!

So, Loughborough Legends, you get the five-second lifeline!

CHEERING

Still all to play for.

That's all from part one of Fee Fi Fo Yum. Join us soon.

'Fee Fi Fo Yum will be back after these giant messages.'

STOMACH GURGLES

That sounds ominous, must have a big one brewing.

-THRRRMP!

-You can't do that in a lift!

-THRRRMMP!

-Huh! And that's even worse!

There's no escape, mate.

-THRRRMP!

-Unforgivable!

If only she was wearing a Guff Muffler.

Fitted in seconds, the Guff Muffler cuts out those gusset grumbles,

leaving you free to get on with what's important.

The Guff Muffler, putting you in control of your output.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

At the end of our first game the Loughborough Legends

took an early advantage with five seconds over the Chameleons.

But it's still all to play for as we...

Brian!

Will you stop leaving your dirty dishes round the studio, please!

Oh, sorry, Des.

SLURPING

I despair sometimes.

And it gets worse because this is Brian's favourite part of the show.

Go on, then, introduce it.

It's Des's Tasty Challenge!

Oh, sorry, Des.

I am so bored of this.

All the time I've been doing this for him,

-you'd think the novelty would have worn off.

-Yeah.

Huh?

I said, "I hope I'm not getting a cough."

LES COUGHS

-ETHAN COUGHS

-Yeah. Good one.

OK! Let's get on with Les's Tasty Challenge.

Now, teams, under this dish is a food that Brian has put here,

I have no idea what it is,

you have to guess how much I can eat in 30 seconds. Is that clear, teams?

ALL: Yes, Les.

Let's reveal the meal!

-Yummy!

-Prunes.

ALL: Urgh.

Teams, how many prunes can I eat in 30 seconds?

Write down your guesses on your cards,

but keep them to yourselves, don't let your opponents see them.

Prunes are nice, keep you regu...

Oh, dear, no. If I eat too many of them, that would be...

-20.

-25.

-13.

-He quite likes them.

-15.

-15?

OK, teams, out of your huddles,

you should have your guesses now,

keep them to yourselves. Brian, can I have my lights, please?

I have 30 seconds, teams, starting...now!

BOTH TEAMS: Come on, Les! Come on!

No stones in them.

20 seconds.

Keep going, come on!

GIANT LAUGHS

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

Time's up!

Come on, Des, eat it all up.

I have finished. All gone! That was easy.

So, teams, how many did you guess I could eat in 30 seconds?

-What about you?

-15.

You wrote a nice little 15, but that's good.

So, over to you, Loughborough Legends?

-What did you think?

-25.

You put 23, 12, 15, 20, 13. Are you adding all those together?

Just 13.

You're going for 13. All that space and that little bit.

So, Brian, how many prunes did I eat in 30 seconds?

Ahem! Des, you have eaten ten prunes.

So, that means with 13,

the Loughborough Legends are the nearest,

-they get the five-second lifeline.

-Well done!

That's all for this part of Fee Fi Fo Yum,

Join us soon when one of our teams of humunchies

will end up in Brian's tum. We'll see you then.

I'll see you in a minute too.

ROMANTIC MUSIC

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Cheesy Chops shampoo leaves your hair soft and cheesy

no matter how often you use it.

If you get it in your eyes, it doesn't sting.

And if you get it in your mouth...

Mmm, cheesy.

Its unique, cheesy formula

constantly maintains your hair's cheese levels

from morning till evening, made purely of cheese.

Cheesy Chops, your hair will never feel better...or cheesier.

Brian, does nothing ever get cleaned round here?

This bowl is absolutely disgusting!

You are a complete... Hello! Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum!

Yes, you join us where the Chameleons have no seconds

on their lifeline and the Loughborough Legends have ten seconds.

But there's plenty of time up for grabs as we play our next game

and this, teams, is how it works -

Brian has thrown a load of fridge magnets into the lime jelly,

your job is to dive in,

I know it's horrible, but you've got to go in there

and bring out some of those symbols and numbers

to create a sum that will add up to Brian's lucky number.

What's your lucky number today?

My lucky number is 37!

That's a good one, thanks,

yeah, and do you want to throw a few more numbers in?

-Because I think we're running low.

-OK.

All clear, teams?

TEAMS: Yes, Les!

Who said that?

We did, Les.

OK, Brian, who's going into the jelly?

Hmmm! I like the look of...

Connor!

You'll slip down a treat!

And...

I'll have...Ben.

Yum!

And who will be making the sum?

I'll have...you, Ellen!

And Toby.

I'm watching you!

And I'm going to pick Tyron and Ethan.

Oi! Watch my hair!

You're going to be Eat-han!

Perfectly bite-sized.

Brian's made his choice. Let's play...

Connor and Ben, you will be diving for the symbols.

You will pass them to Ellen and Tyron, who will pass them on

to Toby and Ethan, who will then make the sum.

Remember, you can only have five symbols at any one time.

If you don't like them, you can change them.

The team that comes up with the sum first,

will win the five-second lifeline.

Good luck, goggles on.

Ready, steady, go!

That's it, get in there!

I know it's disgusting in there. Brian sacked his cleaner.

So, you will need numbers and you will need symbols to make that sum.

That looks like you've got a times symbol.

The Chameleons have a five, there.

The Loughborough Legends have a four.

Remember to put the numbers the right way round.

That will never add up!

We need two plus....

Come on, teams. Work as a team.

Ask your players in there what numbers and symbols you want.

-We've got six times!

-But they're here!

Put the six up.

-I see where you were going but it's a six.

-Come on!

You only have to turn it round but never mind.

Ooh! Run! Run!

Get the other one! Run!

There!

Other way!

Turn it the other way round.

Loughborough Legends!

Loughborough Legends, you reckon you have a sum. What is it, please?

Nine times four equals 36, plus one, equals 37.

Is that right, Brian?

It is correct!

That is correct, well done!

Just at times had the nine the wrong way round,

but that's it, you've got the five second lifeline.

-Well done.

-Well done, Loughborough Legends!

Toby, you didn't finish, but what were you going for?

We were trying to do five times seven, plus two,

but all we were missing was a plus.

You didn't have the plus symbol, so you couldn't finish it. Hard luck.

Still plenty to play for.

Pay attention to the ads that are coming on now,

because I'll be quizzing you after the break.

You can play along at home as well.

Not that your life depends on it. Theirs does!

# GTV! #

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Manure.

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with a silent but violent trump of poo-pourri fragrance.

The all-new Plug 'n' Pong.

Exclusive to GTV.

Do you have a build-up of cheese under your toenails?

Struggling to pick it all out with those big, fat giant fingers?

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because help is at hand, with the Waste Not Want Not Toe Cheese Pick!

Not only does the Waste Not Want Not Toe Cheese Pick give you

cheese-free feet, it also provides a wonderful cheesy treat for later.

And if you buy now, we'll throw in a free toe cheese platter.

Waste not, want not!

CRUNCH

Oops! Watch out for stray toenails.

Say goodbye to cheesy feet and hello to cheesy treats

with the Waste Not Want Not toe cheese pick.

No giant should be without one.

Yours for only 61 grots. Hurry, stocks limited.

CHEERING

Welcome Back To Fee Fi... Hang on a minute. Sorry, teams.

Brian, will you please do some washing up?

-Sorry, Des.

-Honestly, it is like a bloomin' pigsty around here.

Right, teams. I am about to quiz you on the ads you have just seen.

If you have an answer, buzz in,

and if you're correct, I'll give you a two-second lifeline.

If it is incorrect, I will pass it to your opponents.

At this stage in the game - it's a crucial stage -

you, the Chameleons, have no seconds,

and you, the Loughborough Legends, have 15 seconds.

Well done!

So you guys really need to catch up.

This is your last chance to get some life-saving time.

Fingers on buzzers as we play...

Ad Analysis.

Question one, how many pongy settings does the Plug'n'Pong have?

-Three!

-Is it three? Let's have a look.

VOICEOVER: ..And pick from three to-die-for pongy settings.

Yes, it is! Well done, you get two seconds.

Chameleons, you need to get some time. Question two.

Rotten veg and sour milk are two of the Plug'n'Pong's...

Loughborough Legends? I didn't even finish the question.

-Come on!

-Have you got an answer? No? I'm going to pass it over.

Manure.

Was it? Let's see if you're right.

Yes! You were right.

You just hesitated there. Question three.

How many cans of deodorant were on the giant's table? Chameleons?

-Two. Two cans of, um...

-Two cans.

Let's have a look. Yes, two is right!

-Well done.

-I knew that one.

-Question four.

What was offered free with every order of a Waste Not...? Chameleons?

-A cheese platter.

-No!

-A cheese platter.

Let's see if you're right.

VOICEOVER: And if you buy now, we'll throw in a free toe cheese platter.

Yes, well done! I wouldn't have been able to answer that.

I had to look away at that point.

So, question five. Is the comeback on?

How many grots does a Waste Not Want Not Toe Cheese Pick cost?

-Loughborough Legends.

-61 grots!

-61 grots.

Let's have a look. Is it 61 grots?

Yes, it is! 61 grots, well done.

So, at the end of that, Chameleons, you got three right,

which gives you six seconds, and Loughborough Legends,

you got two right, which gives you four seconds.

How does that affect your overall lifeline?

Let's find out...

..after the weather with Windy Wendy.

Here's Giant Television's latest forecast,

brought to you by Bot Buster Beans.

Loved by giants everywhere.

Hello, there.

It's Windy Wendy Weathervane with your GTV weather.

Now, tonight, there is going to be a full moon. Ooh!

Ahem. Followed by high winds.

PHRRT!

And that's your weather.

PHRRT!

I beg your pardon.

'You're watching GTV. Back now to...'

Oh, I hate washing up.

Ooh...

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Things are getting serious.

This is down to you. Brian doesn't pick any more.

You have to decide who is going to take on the Great Escape.

Make your decision, teams. Lives are at stake with this decision.

Whoever they choose will have the fate of their team-mates

in their hands. What a pressure.

OK, teams, I need to know.

-So, Chameleons, who have you chosen and why?

-We have chosen Toby,

because he is the sportiest in our class,

and probably the fastest, as well.

-Are you up to that challenge, Toby?

-Yeah, I am up to the challenge.

-OK.

-And Loughborough Legends, who have you chosen and why?

-We chose Ethan,

cos he is the most fastest, and he will win our freedom.

-Ethan, how do you feel?

-Brilliant.

-OK, a man of few words.

So, Toby and Ethan, it is time for...

The Great Escape.

This is it.

Toby, Ethan, Brian has trapped your team-mates in the Scales of Justice,

and their future hangs literally in the balance.

You must release them.

But standing between you and them is the Great Escape.

First you must tackle the Doughnut Dash.

Then it is on to the Kitchen Roll Crawl.

Watch out for those meatballs, though!

Then you must negotiate the cans, the OAP Puree,

the Old Lady Lard, the Nan In A Cube,

and get on to the Rolling Pin Run.

But beware, Brian's got those teabags out.

Then you must complete the Choc Bar Challenge to build a bridge

over to Brian's Big Bowl.

Then it is up the Slippery Slope to the rope.

The player that gets to the top first must pull the release rope.

Only then can your team-mates escape down the Freedom Chute.

I don't need to remind you,

the team that is not the winner will be Brian's...

ALL: Dinner!

OK, Chameleons, you have got an overall lifeline of six seconds.

And Loughborough Legends, you've got an overall lifeline of 19 seconds.

So, Ethan, you have a 13-second start. How do you feel about that?

-Fine. Absolutely fine.

-You reckon that will be good for you?

-Yeah.

-OK.

Toby, do think you can catch up?

-Yeah, I think I can catch up on the Kitchen Roll Crawl.

-OK, all right.

Good luck, teams.

So, you will go, Ethan, on Brian's first whistle,

and then you, Toby, will go on Brian's second whistle,

which is 13 seconds later.

Good luck. Brian?

BLOWS WHISTLE

Oh, a little trip there in the Doughnut Dash.

Well that cost him in the end?

Into the Kitchen Roll Crawl.

BLOWS WHISTLE

-And you're off!

-Go on, Toby!

Oh, well through there, Toby.

You're not far behind, you have really caught up.

You're through the meatballs.

Ethan is trying to get across. But he is off!

Toby has avoided... No, he is off as well.

Back to the Nan In A Cube for you.

Oh, Toby!

Ethan, can you do it?

Oh, and you're off again.

Back to the start for that one. Toby, you're off.

Just concentrate on getting across. Don't watch your opponent.

Take your eyes off the roll and that's when you go.

Gotcha!

-Toby's caught those 13 seconds up!

-Yes! Keep going!

Ethan's off the Rolling Pin Run and into the Choc Bar Challenge.

But Toby has really caught up those 13 seconds,

and he looks like he has nearly finished.

Make sure it's in place.

You need to move that choc bar just a bit further back.

Keep going, Toby!

Toby has the Choc Bar Challenge completed.

And he is into the lime jelly and he's heading for the Slippery Slope.

Ethan, you need to finish that Choc Bar Challenge.

Toby, you have got the chance now to get up that Slippery Slope.

Amazing the way you have come back from that 13-second deficit.

And Ethan's back in, so it is now neck-and-neck.

Come on, Ethan!

Ethan is up the side. He is in the middle of it.

He's nearly at the top. He is getting to the top!

He has overtaken again and got back those 13 seconds. What a contest!

The Legends are off! Get out as fast as you can.

Before Brian changes his mind. See ya, Ethan.

Bye, Loughborough Legends.

Oh, Toby, hard luck.

You failed to release your team-mates,

-which means you're not the winner, you're Brian's...

-Dinner.

I am sorry, Toby. Over to you, Brian.

Please, not me, Brian.

Bad luck.

-Sorry, Chameleons, but rules are rules.

-Delicious!

-Fee, Fi, Fo, Yum!

-Please don't eat me!

-I'm going to enjoy you.

-Please don't eat me!

SCREAMS

That's it from Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Brian is tucking into his five a day,

but it won't keep him happy for long.

Join us next time, when two new teams of humunchies

will fight for their freedom and hope to stay out of Brian's tum.

See you then. Say goodbye, Brian.

Goodbye, Brian!

Argh!

Hey, Brian, It might not be very clean and tidy round here,

but you certainly polished that lot off!

HE LAUGHS

I don't get it.