Smelly Breath Fee Fi Fo Yum

Giant Television proudly presents Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Busy, busy.

Studio's finished. What next?

A showbiz star. Earth.

-Welcome To Family Fun For You, with me, Les Dennis.

-You'll do.

-You can't grab me, I'm a game show host.

-I can.

Next. Humunchies. Yum, yum.

-What are you doing? What are you doing?! You can't eat him.

-I can.

-Watch me.

-Put him down!

I hate that giant.

Now, it's Fee Fi Fo Yum.

And today's contestants, all the way from Middlesex,

it's the Brent Buddies.

And they'll be playing the Apple Crushers, who come from Somerset.

Here's a taste of the thrills and spills that stand between them

and their freedom.

And now, here he is, every giant's favourite host,

it's Des, I mean, Les Dennis!

Hello and welcome to Fee Fi Fo Yum,

the show where that team that's not the winner will be Brian's DINNER.

And it's going to be a great show. I can just feel it in me bones.

Mmm! Bones!

He's such a daft old giant.

-Brian, how are you today?

-Hiya, Des.

Phwoar! Brian! Do you have to breathe in me face like that?

Although, actually,

your breath smells surprisingly fresh and pleasant.

That's right. It's far too fresh.

Anyway, let's get on and meet the teams!

First of all we meet the Brent Buddies. Hi, Ashael.

-Hiya, Les. And this is my team, the Brent Buddies.

-OK, introduce us.

-And this is Katie.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hiya, Katie.

-And this is Ram.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hiya, Ram.

-Sashreeka.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hi, Sashreeka.

-And then we have Jordanae.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hiya, Jordanae.

-You're an energetic team, the Brent Buddies.

-Yeah.

What makes you so energetic?

-Because we're from Brent, we're all friends and we're going to win!

-OK!

That's the Brent Buddies. Let's go and meet the Apple Crushers.

APPLAUSE

-Hi, Nicole.

-Hi, Les.

-How are you?

-Fine.

-Introduce us to your team.

-Jess.

-Hi, Les.

-Hiya, Jess.

-Emily.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Emily.

-Laura.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Laura.

-Stephen.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hiya, Stephen.

There must be something in the air because you're full of energy.

So why are you called the Apple Crushers?

Because we're a feisty team and we're going to crush that giant.

Are you?

He likes humunchie crushing, so watch out. That's the teams.

OK, teams, this is how we play Fee Fi Fo Yum.

You will compete in a series of games to earn time.

The more time you earn, the greater chance you stand

of winning the Great Escape.

-All clear, teams?

-ALL: Yes!

All right, let's get on and play game one.

When Brian can't get hold of any humunchies to eat, that's you guys,

-he loves sprouts and meatballs. It's his absolute favourite.

-'Delicious.'

So your job in this game is to feed him as many as you possibly can

using the catapults he's made from matchsticks and plasters.

The team that feeds him the most wins a five-second lifeline.

But more importantly,

that food will take his mind off eating you for a while.

Brian, who's going to play?

Eeny meeny miny mo.

I'm going to pick Sashreeka-ka-ka...

and Katie.

Mmm, I reckon you'd be delicious covered in tomato sauce.

And I want Nicole and Jessica-ca-ca.

You look like a nice light bite.

Brian's made his choice. Teams, let's play...

Brent Buddies, you will be firing sprouts,

and Apple Crushers, you will be firing meatballs.

You have until Brian's egg timer runs out to stuff his gob.

Good luck. Brian, over to you.

Ready, steady, feed me!

There you go. And Katie's got a sprout in.

Nicole's got a meatball in.

SHOUTING

Meatballs all down his throat at the moment.

It went in his mouth.

THEY SHOUT

Ohh! That was close.

Oh, is it in?

He wants more sprouts!

SHOUTING BRIAN: 20 seconds.

Pull back as far as you can.

Ooh! That was so good.

But Brian...

This is such a good game.

EVERYONE SHOUTS AT ONCE

'Seven, six...'

Time will be running out soon!

'..Two, one.'

HOOTING

'Time's up!'

Was that last meatball in time?

I don't know. So, players, rejoin your teams and we will find out.

Brian, how many sprouts did you eat?

Two sprouts. BREAKS WIND

How many meatballs did you eat?

Four. BREAKS MORE WIND

Four meatballs!

So that means the first five-second lifeline goes to the Apple Crushers!

-CHEERING

-But it's early days yet.

How's my breath now? BREATHES OUT

A bit meatbally, but other than that, quite pleasant.

That's it from part one of Fee Fi Fo Yum. Join us after this.

RUMBLING

'When you're in need of a wholesome, nutritious

'and convenient mealtime treat, just head round to Nan's.'

# Each one contains a real nan. #

'May contain traces of Granddad's minty sweets and walking sticks.

'Nutrition content, not guaranteed.'

Now, here it is.

'You're watching GTV. Back now to Les Dennis.'

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Des, Des, Des, what's it like now? BREATHES OUT

It smells a bit cheesy, but apart from that, quite nice.

Oh, you!

He really cheeses me off.

So, at the end of our first round,

the Apple Crushers took a five second lead over the Brent Buddies.

But there's still plenty of time up for grabs, and what does time mean?

ALL: Freedom!

OK, Brian, it's your favourite part of the show. Want to introduce it?

It's Des's Tasty Challenge.

It's LES's Tasty Challenge, but I'll let him off. He's bigger than me.

Des's Tasty Challenge.

What?

Sorry, I was just saying that my favourite character in Harry Potter

is...Hermione.

Oh, interesting. Mine would have to be Hagrid.

"You're a wizard, Barry."

No, no, it's Harry.

-Oh, sorry, Des.

-No, no, it's Les!

I thought you said it was Harry!

Oh, make your mind up, will you? Honestly!

I hate that giant!

Anyway, teams, moving on,

under this dish is a type of food that Brian has placed here.

You have to guess how much of it I can eat in 30 seconds.

So, let's reveal the meal.

Pickled eggs.

Lovely.

Halves of pickled eggs.

You have to guess how much of this I can eat in 30 seconds.

So, write down your guesses, teams.

Pickled eggs. Well, I like eggs.

I like pickles, but I don't necessarily like them together.

Brian, what are you doing to me?!

THEY WHISPER

It's 30 seconds so I think we should say five...

Keep them to yourselves.

I'd like my light, please, Brian.

I have 30 seconds to eat halves of pickled egg, starting now.

-< Come on, Les!

-Oh!

Come on, Les! >

ALL SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT

20, 19...

Come on!

15...

You try it!

Nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four, three... LES MUMBLES

-..two, one.

-I'm...

Time's up!

-I'm trying, I'm trying!

-Come on.

All gone.

-That was horrible!

-BRIAN LAUGHS

How many did you guess?

Seven.

Seven. How many did you guess?

-Four.

-Four. How many did I eat?

Ahem, I can confirm you have eaten two pieces of egg.

Mm, eggy breath.

So it that means you, the Apple Crushers, are the closest with four,

so you get five seconds.

I'm sorry, guys. I really was trying my hardest.

We're going to take a break.

Join our soon when one of our teams of humunchies

will be eaten by Brian.

Anybody for a pickled egg? You want to try one?

'Feeling tired? And in need of a boost?

'Then you need Go Go Giant!

'Giving you the energy to get up and go go!

'And go go. And go go!

'Don't live in slow-mo.

'Have some Go Go!'

'Breath too fresh? Then you need Stinks Mouthwash.

'Each bottle contains concentrated essence of cabbage, mould and sweat.

'Instant results guaranteed every time.

'Go on, give it a go.'

Oh, Mummy!

'Ooh, knockout!

'Be a minx,

'get some Stinks!'

'We've got it all on Giant Television.

'And now, it's Fee Fi Fo Yum.

'Back to Les Dennis.'

Dennis, Dennis, Dennis, Dennis!

How's me breath now?

Wow! That smells like mouldy, stinky...

..cabbage?!

Perfect!

OK!

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum,

where the Apple Crushers are absolutely crushing

the Brent Buddies 10 seconds to nil.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But there's plenty of time up for grabs as we play our next game.

Now then, Brian gets really lonely up there in Giant Land. Ahh!

So, to keep him company, he likes to make himself little buddies.

Not Brent Buddies, spuddy buddies,

because they're made out of spuds!

I bet the winter nights fly by in Brian's house!

LAUGHTER

So, Brian, who's your spuddy buddy today?

Bob.

Bob! Say, "Hello, Bob."

ALL: Hi, Bob!

Hello, everybody.

That is genius!

OK, teams, your job is to get into the blancmange where Bob's bits are

and recreate him. The team that recreates Bob first

will win the five second lifeline. Brian, who's going into the bowl?

Fee Fi Fo Yum.

I'll have...

you, Ram! Mmm!

You'd make a tasty snack.

And I'll have...

..Stephen.

You look spicy!

And who will be making Bob?

I'm going to pick...

Jordanae and Ashael.

Truly scrumptious!

And I'm going to pick...

Emily and Laura.

Look at all that lovely, long hair!

Mmm! Chewy!

Brian's made his choice, teams. Let's play...

Ram and Stephen, you're diving in for the bits.

You will pass them to Jordanae and Emily,

who will pass them to Ashael and to Laura,

who will make the Bobs. Good luck!

Goggles on.

Three, two, one, dive!

SHOUTING

And there they are. They're both into the blancmange.

Ram and Stephen both getting bits out already.

Looks like we have a hat over on the Brent Buddies side.

It looks like the Brent Buddies are steaming ahead right now.

Looks like they're determined to get ahead.

But we have a mouth, now, that's going over to the Crushers.

And I do believe that's an ear going in there as well.

Remember, it must be Bob's identical twin.

If it looks a bit like him, it won't count.

The Apple Crushers have just put a hat onto Bob.

It's really hard in this blancmange, cos there are lots of pink bits.

Ears are both on for the Brent Bob.

SHOUTS AND YELLS

Laura, that's an ear!

Come on, hurry up!

Emily's squeezing out an ear there, putting it on.

Come on!

Pick up Bob's bits.

-Come on!

-Come on, Emily!

There's a nose for the Apple Crushers.

There's an arm for the Brent Buddies.

I do believe that one more arm, if it's placed in the right position,

will win the game for them.

And it looks to me like the Brent Buddies have found it,

found that other arm, they just have to put it in place.

I think you need that arm on the other side.

That's it.

-Twist it!

-It looks like the Apple Crushers are crushed.

Brent Buddies reckon they've done it. Brian, is that your Bob?

That's not Bob, is it?

No, Brian says that it isn't right because it isn't his identical twin

so we have to play on cos something's wrong.

-What's wrong with it?

-Something needs to have a slight tweak.

So Apple Crushers play on.

Brent Buddies, look at what you've got and make sure it's identical.

WHEEZING LAUGHTER

Bob? Bob? You all right?

< Sideways, it's sideways.

Brent Buddies reckon they've done it now. Is that Bob, Brian?

Yes, that's Bob!

Well done, Brent Buddies. You get a five second lifeline in that game.

CHEERING

Yes!

Apple Crushers, you had a go but you didn't get arms or eyes

so no seconds for you, I'm afraid. I'm sorry.

We'll take a break, but, teams, you've got to watch the ads

very carefully because I'll be quizzing you on them later.

You can join in at home as well. Not that your life depends on it.

'Fed up with eating tough, chewy, elderly humunchies

'with no decent meat on them?

'Then you need a little OAP Sauce in your life!'

-Ooh!

-'OAP Sauce transforms the chewiest, old humunchies

'into real appetite-pleasers.

'Just cos they're old, doesn't mean they can't be delicious.'

# Wow, Hairy Mary! #

'The secret behind every successful woman is a silky smooth back.

'So for a smoother, more feminine you,

'try the revolutionary new Hairy Mary Back Rip'n'Strip.

'Simply apply and rip.'

SCREAMS

'The pain is like nothing you've ever felt

'but oh, Mama, is it worth it!

'Fuzz-free flesh at last.'

# Wow, Hairy Mary... #

Because I'm hairy.

# ..She's so scary. #

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum. Now then, teams,

I hope you were watching and listening to those ads carefully

cos I've got five questions for you on them.

A right answer gets a two-second lifeline.

At the moment, we have the Brent Buddies on a five-second lifeline.

Well done! APPLAUSE

The Apple Crushers, you have a ten-second lifeline.

There is a possible ten seconds up for grabs in this round

so fingers on your buzzers as we play...

OK, here's your starter for two.

In the OAP Sauce ad, what was in the giant's drinking glass?

-Brent Buddies?

-Orange juice.

Was it orange juice? Let's have a look...

-Yes, it was, well done!

-Yes!

Second question, can you name two of the vegetables on the giant's plate?

-Brent Buddies.

-Broccoli and carrots.

-Let's have a look.

-Ooh, delicious.

Yes, that's right. You could also have had potatoes and cauliflower.

You're getting in quickly, well done. Third question,

-what colour was the OAP Sauce? Apple Crushers.

-Red.

INCORRECT BUZZER

I'll hand that over.

-Red.

-No, it wasn't right so I handed it over.

You both said red so I'll show you what it is.

It's brown, OK.

-I knew that one.

-No seconds there.

Question four.

In the # Wow, Hairy Mary ad... #

-Apple Crushers.

-Who pressed that?

-You buzzed in before the question.

-That wasn't me.

-Go on.

-We don't know the question.

Sorry, you buzzed in too early so I'll give this question to you.

In the Hairy Mary ad,

what did Hairy Mary use to tear the Rip'n'Strip tape?

-Brent Buddies.

-Yes?

-Her teeth.

-Let's see if you're right.

-'Try the revolutionary new Hairy Mary...'

-Yes, you are right.

So you mustn't buzz in before you hear the question.

Silly little humunchies!

Last question. Which part of the body did Hairy Mary wax?

-Brent Buddies are in again.

-Back, her back.

-Let's see if you're right.

'Simply apply and rip...'

Yes, you are absolutely right, well done.

You got four right which gives you eight seconds, well done.

Apple Crushers got none right, so that's no seconds.

How does that affect your overall lifelines? Let's find out...

..after the weather from our wonderful Windy Wendy.

Here's Giant Television's latest forecast brought to you

by Bot Buster Beans, loved by giants everywhere.

Hello there. It's Windy Wendy Weathervane with your GTV weather.

Today there'll be strong winds in the north...

FARTING

..strong winds in the south...

FARTING

..strong winds in the east...

FARTING

..and strong winds in the west.

FARTING

So to summarise, winds in the north, south, east, and west.

And that's your weather.

FARTING

Oh! I beg your pardon.

APPLAUSE

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum where things are getting serious.

Teams, this is down to you. Brian doesn't pick any more.

You must decide who will take on The Great Escape.

That's it, you can confer. Teams, remember,

for the losing team, there is no way out. Brian will be eating them.

So whoever steps up will have

the fate of their team-mates in their hands. What a pressure.

-THEY CONFER

-You've got a chance of winning...

WHISPERING

OK, I need your decisions, teams. So, Brent Buddies,

who's playing for you and why?

We have chosen Jordanae.

She is skilful, athletic and she will get us out of here.

-Jordanae, do you reckon you can do it?

-Yeah!

-What about the Apple Crushers?

-Nicole.

For her speed, strength and she can get us out of this box.

"Out of this box." OK, Nicole, do you reckon you can do that?

-I'm a little bit worried but I'm going to crush that giant.

-OK.

-BRIAN LAUGHS

-Wow!

So, Jordanae and Nicole, it's time for...

BRIAN: The Great Escape.

This is it. Jordanae and Nicole,

Brian has trapped your team-mates in the Scales Of Justice

and their future hangs literally in the balance.

It's down to you two to try to release them.

But standing between you and them is The Great Escape.

First, you tackle the Doughnut Dash.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Then it's on to the Kitchen Roll Crawl.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Watch out for those meatballs, though.

AUDIENCE: Aah!

Once through there, you must take on the Rolling Pin Run

but beware, Brian's got those tea bags out.

AUDIENCE GASPS

Next, you must complete the Choc Bar Challenge

to build a bridge to Brian's big bowl.

Then it's up the Slippery Slope to the rope.

The player who gets to the top first must pull the Release Rope.

Only then can your team-mates be released through the Freedom Chute.

You don't need me to tell you if you're not the winner,

-you'll be Brian's...

-Dinner!

OK, so Brent Buddies, you have a overall lifeline of 13 seconds.

And you, the Apple Crushers, have an overall lifeline of ten seconds.

So, Jordanae, you have a three-second lead. How do you feel?

-I feel very confident now.

-Can you catch up, Nicole?

Yes, definitely.

Jordanae, you will go on Brian's first whistle.

Then, Nicole, three seconds later, you will go on his second whistle.

Brian, are you ready?

-WHISTLE BLOWS

-So you're off, Jordanae.

-WHISTLE BLOWS

-Nicole, you're off straight after.

Three seconds, that's all that's in it.

We've seen bigger gaps closed.

We have seen it go backwards and forwards before,

so it looks like Jordanae is just in the lead.

She's on to the Rolling Pin Run.

Nicole's through it now as well.

This is where you have to really try to avoid the tea bags.

Jordanae is across!

Nicole's still trying to get across.

Watch that tea bag... Ow, it's got you!

Back to the start!

Onto the Choc Bar Challenge, you have a lead still.

-Come on!

-Looks like it's more than three seconds now

because Nicole's just a little bit stuck on the Rolling Pin Run.

Brian's going crazy with those tea bags,

I don't know what he's on today.

Jordanae is nearly about to complete the Choc Bar Challenge

but is having a little bit of trouble with it.

Now she's figured it out, just one piece to put in place.

Nicole is still on the Rolling Pin Run.

Nicole, it's OK, don't worry. Take it easy.

Jordanae is in.

Nicole, that's it. Take it easily, you can still catch up.

0h, Jordanae's slipping on the slope.

Nicole's going very carefully on the Rolling Pin Run.

She's made it across, she's onto the Choc Bar Challenge.

She might catch up but Jordanae, like Spider-Woman,

she's going up the side there. She's nearly there.

I'm starving.

Be careful which rope you pull though, Jordanae,

when you get to the top - if you do get to the top.

Come on, Jordanae, come on! Come on!

She's at the top. She has to pull the Release Rope...

-And the Brent Buddies are out!

-See ya!

-It means you're off and out. You have freedom.

-Freedom!

Bye, Brent Buddies. See ya.

Ah, Nicole, hard luck, you did really well

-but Brian was really going mad with those tea bags.

-Yeah.

You know what that means.

-You won't be the winner, you'll be Brian's...

-Dinner.

-I'm sorry. Brian, over to you.

-Come here, you!

SCREAMING

Delicious!

Rules are rules, Apple Crushers.

You're going to end up in Brian's tum.

-That went down a treat.

-OK, Brian. Enjoy.

Fee Fi Fo Yum!

Your breath stinks!

HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING I'm going to enjoy you.

Please don't eat me.

That's it from Fee Fi Fo Yum. Brian's tucking into that

Apple Crush crumble but it won't keep him happy for long.

Join us next time when two teams of humunchies

will fight for their freedom and try to stay out of Brian's tum.

We'll see you then. Say goodbye, Brian.

Goodbye, Brian.

Happy now you've had your five-a-day, big fella?

HEAVY BREATHING

Yep!

LAUGHTER AND BELCHING