Brian's Diet Fee Fi Fo Yum

Giant Television proudly presents Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Busy, busy! Studio's finished.

What next? A showbiz star...

Welcome to Family Fun For You, with me, Les Dennis...

-You can't grab me, I'm a game-show host!

-I can!

Next...munchies! Yum yum!

-What are you doing? You can't eat him!

-Yes, I can! Watch me!

It's Fee Fi Fo Yum.

And today's contestants, all the way from...

Ipswich, it's Switch Survivors.

And they'll be playing against the London Lions, who come from Wembley.

Here's a taste of the thrills and spills

that stand between them and their freedom.

And now, here he is. Every giant's favourite host,

it's Des...I mean Les Dennis!

I love you, I love you!

Hello and welcome to Fee Fi Fo Yum,

the show where the team that's not the winner will be Brian's...

-ALL:

-Dinner!

And talking of dinner, let's meet the giant at the head of the table.

Ladies and gentlemen, giants and giantesses, I give you Brian!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Just get on with it, Dennis.

-Someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning!

-I'm sorry, Des.

I'm on a diet. And it's making me grumpy.

Don't tell me, Brian, it's the seafood diet!

You see food and eat it!

LAUGHTER

Not in the mood for jokes, then, Brian? OK!

Let's get on with the game and meet the players.

-First of all, we meet the Switch Survivors. Hi, Carmen.

-Hi, Les.

-How are you doing?

-Fine, thank you.

-Introduce your team.

-This is Cameron.

-Hello, Les.

-Hi, Cameron.

-That is Charlie.

-Hiya, Les.

-Hi, Charlie.

-That's Cameron.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Cameron.

-And that's Temi.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Temi.

So, you will be Cameron Number One

-and you are Cameron Number Two. Is that OK?

-Yes, Les.

Why are you called the Switch Survivors?

Because we're from Ipswich and we're going to survive.

Well, Brian is looking for a team that isn't survivors.

It might be you, but it might not be you. It might be the London Lions!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hi, Mary.

-Hi, Les.

-How are you?

-Great, thanks.

-Introduce us to the London Lions.

-Sheriyah.

-Hi, Les.

-Hiya, Sheriyah!

-(HIGH VOICE)

-Hiya, Sheriyah!

-Brooks.

-Hi, Les.

-Hiya.

-Medina.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Medina.

-Rajvi.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Rajvi.

-And London Lions. Are you fierce?

-Yes, very.

-Can you give me a roar?

-ALL:

-Roar!

-That scared me! That's the teams!

OK, teams. This is how we play Fee Fi Fo Yum.

You'll play games in order to earn time. The more time you earn,

the better your chance of winning the Great Escape. Is that clear?

-ALL:

-Yes, Les.

-OK. Let's play the first game!

When Brian watches Fee Fi Fo Yum,

he loves a really sweet cup of tea. And when I say sweet, I mean sweet.

This is one giant with a seriously sweet tooth.

Brian. Brian? Don't forget the diet!

Ha ha ha!

All right, grumpy trousers!

Teams, your job is to give Brian the sweetest cup of tea you can.

The team that sweetens him the best will win the 5-second lifeline

and hopefully cheer him up! Brian, who's going to play?

Hmm, I like the look of... Temi and Charlie.

You look like you could make a good cuppa.

And I want Brooks and Sheriyah.

I could dunk you in a cup of tea!

Brian has made his choice. Teams, let's play...

So, teams, you have until Brian's egg-timer clucks to keep him sweet.

-Brian, over to you!

-Ready, steady, go!

-OK!

The Switch Survivors...

Off the side! It's got to go into the cup.

There's one in for the London Lions!

That was nearly in the opponent's cup, and that would go to them.

They're bouncing them off the side. Oh!

Wow, what a game this is! Yes!

Only 30 seconds left.

20 seconds.

Sugar on the table! If we don't clear that up, the ants will get it!

You don't want to see the ants round here.

Time's up!

Time is up! Players, rejoin your teams. Let's see how you did.

Switch Survivors, two sugar lumps in that cup of tea.

And the London Lions, four sugar lumps in your cup of tea!

That means London Lions get the first 5-second lifeline.

Brian, you can't have this! You're on a diet! Ha-ha!

That's all from part one of Fee Fi Fo Yum. Join us after this!

I don't care what that Des Lennis says. I'm having my sweet cup of tea.

Be much better with a Choccy Gob biccie.

Diet!

D'oh... I hate that Des Lennis!

'Fee Fi Fo Yum is back after the break!'

Exciting, isn't it?

'First date? Hmm, he's a hottie!'

GURGLING

'Nervous?

'Aren't you going to give him a kiss? Go on.'

'Maybe the vindaloo wasn't a good choice.

'If only she was wearing a Guff Muffler.

'Fitted in seconds, the Guff Muffler cuts out those gusset grumbles.

'The Guff Muffler. Putting you in control of your output.'

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum!

The London Lions have a 5-second advantage over the Switch Survivors.

-Plenty of time still up for grabs, and what does time mean?

-Freedom!

This is when Brian introduces his favourite part of the show.

But, Brian, as you're on a diet,

you probably don't want to see me eat anything!

Des, I am always in the mood for this.

-All right, then. Go on, introduce it.

-It's Des's Tasty Challenge!

He keeps calling me Des! It's Les!

-Go on, Sheriyah. Teach me that roar.

-Roar!

-Roar!

I'm not scared of no giant!

-Boo!

-Aaagh!

Ha-ha-ha!

I hate that giant!

Anyway, teams, this is Les's Tasty Challenge.

Under here is a type of food that Brian has placed.

You have to guess how much of it I can eat in 30 seconds.

-So let's reveal the meal.

-Yum!

-It's a vindaloo.

-Lovely!

-How much of this,

which is very hot, do you think I can eat in 30 seconds?

Write down your answers. Brian...

I don't know about vindaloo,

I'm going to NEED the loo after this, aren't I, Brian?

THEY TALK QUIETLY

OK, teams. You should have made your guesses.

Keep them to yourselves, as I go for this challenge.

Lights, please, Brian.

OK, teams. I have 30 seconds starting now.

-20.

-Come on, Les!

-Come on, Les!

I'm starving, Des!

But it's hot! It's hot!

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one.

Time's up! You started, so you'll finish!

-It's hot! It's hot! It's really hot!

-Come on!

All gone! OK, teams. How much did you guess that I could eat?

-First of all, the Switch Survivors.

-We give 6, Les.

London Lions, how much did you guess?

We guessed 12, Les.

How much of this mouth-watering vindaloo did I eat in 30 seconds?

8 mouthfuls.

So that means, Switch Survivors,

with 6, you're the closest. You get a 5-second lifeline!

We're going to take a break. I am going to need one!

HIS STOMACH RUMBLES

'When you're in need of a wholesome, nutritious

'and convenient mealtime treat, just head round to Nan's.'

# Each one contains a real Nan... #

'May contain traces of Grandads, minty sweets and walking sticks.

'Nutrition content not guaranteed.'

'When you're a dirty, great, big stinking giant,

'you want your yearly bath to be special. But with all that grime,

'it can be difficult to get things nice and foamy.

'Help is at hand - Bot Buster Bubble Blast.

'Concocted from a unique blend of rotten sprouts, mouldy cabbage

'and our finest home-grown Bot Buster beans,

'Bot Buster Bubble Blast gives you the gas to guff.

'Just look at those bubbles! Bot Buster Bubble Blast.

'A couple of gulps - guaranteed results!'

Each one contains a real Nan!

This diet is driving me up the wall!

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

You join us with the Switch Survivors on a 5-second lifeline,

and the London Lions are on 5 seconds as well.

All still to play for,

and I do believe that Brian has a little confession to make.

I might have had a couple of packs of Choccy Gobs when no-one was looking.

Yeah, see, he is supposed to be on a diet,

but I saw him tucking into the Choccy Gobs, and disaster struck.

You could call it justice -

he dropped his Choccy Gobs into the custard!

So, teams, your job is to dive into the custard,

get the bits of biscuit out and remake Brian's Choccy Gobs. OK?

-ALL:

-Yes, Les!

And let's hope that he can get a little less grumpy!

Brian, who's going into the custard?

Eenie-meeny-miney-mo,

I am going to pick Cameron Two.

A bit of salt and pepper, and you'll be delicious!

And I am going to pick...Mary.

Yummy, yummy, yummy!

You're munchies in my tummy.

-And who'll be making the biscuits?

-This time, I would like to choose...

Carmen and Cameron One.

You'll slip down a treat!

And I will have Rajvi

and I'll have me dinner...

Ooh, I mean, Medina.

I am going to scoff you down in one.

Brian has made his choice. Let's play...

Cameron Two and Mary, you'll dive for the bits,

pass them to Cameron One and Rajvi,

who will pass them onto Carmen and Medina, who will make the biscuits.

Switch Survivors, you're going for the milk Choccy Gobs,

and, London Lions, you're going for the white Choccy Gobs.

The team that makes the first Choccy Gob

wins the 5-second lifeline. Good luck. Goggles on.

Three, two, one, go!

And they're into the custard.

Come on, get in that custard!

Cameron's got one bit.

Mary's got a bit as well.

They're so heavy when they're covered in this custard.

And Brian's licking his lips, because he loves 'em!

It's a close contest.

You need to get right into the custard to get those bits out.

-Come on, it's getting soggy!

-Who's going to be first in?

Remember, the clue to how to put together the choccy bar

is in the letters along the side of the biscuits.

I want my Choccy Gob!

It looks like the Lions have got a lot of the bits there.

The longer they are in this custard, the heavier they get.

Both teams need to make that jigsaw.

It's got to say Choccy Gob.

Use the letters to make that jigsaw up.

This is going to be very close.

The London Lions look like they've got the idea of it.

London Lions reckon they've got a Choccy Gob - have they?

-Choccy Gob.

-Choccy Gob. 5 seconds to the London Lions!

Switch Survivors had all the bits, but just couldn't piece it together.

Nothing for you. Brian, a little treat for you -

I'll let you have one biscuit until you get your five a day, OK?

-Thanks, Des, you're the best.

-I know.

We're going to take a break. Teams, watch the ads very closely,

because I'll be quizzing you on them when we come back.

And you at home can play along, too.

Not that your life depends on it! Theirs does!

'Breath too fresh? Then you need Stinks mouthwash.

'Each bottle contains concentrated essence of cabbage, mould and sweat.

'Instant results guaranteed every time.

'Go on, give it a go.'

Ah, Mummy!

'Ooh, knockout.

'Be a minx, get some Stinks!'

# Medi Mallet! #

'If you've hurt your back lifting a heavy box at work,

'you need the all-new and improved... # Medi Mallet! #

'Simply take hold of the Medi Mallet.

'It's inside the box...

# Medi Mallet! #

'Now put your hand on a flat surface.

'Raise the mallet and then apply firmly.

'Medi Mallet won't cure your back, but it will take your mind off it!

'If symptoms persist, don't blame us.'

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum. How are your powers of observation?

I'm about to quiz you on the ads you've just seen on GTV.

If you give me a correct answer, you'll win a 2-second lifeline.

At the moment, we have the Switch Survivors on 5 seconds,

and the London Lions just ahead on 10 seconds!

There is total of 10 seconds to be won in this round,

so fingers on the buzzers, as we play...

Ad Analysis.

Here is your starter. In the Stinks mouthwash ad, each bottle contains

concentrated essence of sweat, mould and which other...?

London Lions?

Cabbage. Let's see if you're right...

'Each bottle contains concentrated essence

'of cabbage, mould and sweat.'

Yes, another two seconds to you!

-That was an easy one!

-Question two.

At the end of the ad, where does the bottle of Stinks mouthwash land?

-On his tummy. On his belly...

-Let's see if you're right.

It is, well done!

-I knew that one.

-Question three - complete the sentence - be a minx...

Switch Survivors!

-Yes?

-Come on!

-I need an answer or I'll pass it over.

-Be a minx and use Stinks?

-Let's see if you're right...

'Be a minx - get some Stinks!'

It was "get some Stinks", so I'm afraid I can't actually accept that.

Very close, though. Question four - in the Medi Mallet bad back ad,

-how did the giant hurt his back?

-London Lions...

-By picking up the box, the heavy box.

-Let's see...

Yes, lifting a heavy box is the correct answer!

Question five - on which part of his body did the giant apply the mallet?

London Lions.

-On his fingers.

-Hands.

-Let's see...

'Raise the mallet and then apply firmly.'

On his hand, on his fingers - you were absolutely right, well done!

At the end of that round, I'm afraid, Switch Survivors,

you didn't get any right, so no seconds to you.

London Lions, you got 4 right, which is 8 seconds - well done!

How will that affect your overall lifelines

as we go into the Great Escape? Let's find out...

..after a word from Jim Elastic!

Thanks, Les. On today's Get Up And Go-Go, sponsored by Go-Go Giant,

I'm here at the home of the Royal Family, Buckingham Palace.

So, get to your feet and join with me as we march it up.

Come on, everyone. Right and a left and a right. And salute!

Join with me, Jim Elastic, after Fee Fi Fo Yum right here on GTV.

And-a-right and-a-left... Mind out, Your Majesty. Mind the corgis.

Oh, I can't do this any more - I'm too hungry!

Just stop faffing about and get on with it, will you?

I need my five a day!

All right, Brian. OK, teams, Brian's about to blow that diet,

so I need to know who's going to take on the Great Escape.

Teams, go into your huddles and decide.

Brian's getting extra hungry today and he needs his five a day.

One of the teams will be eaten. Whoever steps up to the mark

will have the fate of their team-mates in their hands!

OK, teams, we need to know who's playing.

-Switch Survivors, who's playing for you and why?

-Temi,

because she's a good athlete and a fast runner.

-Temi, are you up to the challenge?

-Yes, Les.

-You reckon you are.

OK, London Lions, who's playing for you and why?

Sheriyah, because she's small and explosive and she'll win our freedom!

Yes!

-Are you going to do it?

-Yes!

-OK, very confident.

Temi and Sheriyah, it's time for...

The Great Escape.

Brian has trapped your team-mates in the scales of justice,

and their future hangs, literally, in the balance.

It's down to you two to try to release them,

but standing between you and them is the Great Escape!

First, you must tackle the doughnut dash.

Then it's on to the kitchen roll crawl.

Watch out for those meat balls, though!

And then, once through there, you must take on the rolling pin run.

Watch out, watch out - Brian's got those tea bags out!

Next, complete the choc bar challenge,

building a walkway to Brian's big bowl.

Then it's up the slippery slope to the rope.

The player that gets to the top first must pull the release rope.

Only then can your team-mates escape down the freedom chute.

Switch Survivors and the London Lions - I don't need to remind you

-that if you're not the winner, you'll be Brian's...

-Dinner!

So, Switch Survivors, you have an overall lifeline of 5 seconds.

And, London Lions, you have an overall lifeline of 18 seconds,

so you have a 13-second lead. How do you feel about that?

-Great.

-You reckon you can use it?

-Yeah.

-Good. And do you reckon you can catch up, Temi?

-Yes.

OK, you will go on Brian's first whistle.

Temi, you will go on his second whistle, which is 13 seconds later.

Good luck. Brian, are you ready?

And Sheriyah's off, she's into the doughnut dash,

taking it really carefully.

She's through the doughnut dash and into the kitchen roll crawl.

And there you go,

Temi's off. Can she catch up?

She's through the doughnuts without a stumble.

Into the kitchen roll crawl.

Sheriyah's nearly across, she's over!

And down the rolling pin run.

Temi, watch out for those tea bags.

-Agh! Got you!

-Take it easily.

Temi kneeling!

Sheriyah's into the choc bar challenge.

Oh, what a jump into the choc bar challenge!

So, Sheriyah, you're into the choc bar challenge,

but there's a piece missing, so can Temi catch up?

-And already...

-Come on!

-Yes!

-This is very close, very close indeed.

It looks like you might just do this.

You're both in position. You must complete the choc bar challenge,

and it must be down and into its place.

Neck-and-neck into the bowl, together!

Who's going to get onto that slippery slope?

It's getting physical, it really is!

Sheriyah's just behind.

Temi's going for it. Oh, and she's down and back in there!

It's very slippery, this slope.

It's neck-and-neck as they get to the middle.

It's anybody's game. It could be either team that are eaten.

I'm starving!

Temi is determined to not slip back into the custard.

London Lions, roar your team on, roar your player on.

Amazing willpower.

And Sheriyah's back into the custard.

Temi's hanging on.

Oh, and she's back in.

Right, stop, stop! You've all had long enough.

I'm going to eat all of you!

OK, Brian, this is extraordinary, but you're the boss.

I'm sorry to break this to you, but Brian has blown his diet,

and you're both going to be eaten. He's going to have 10 a day.

So I'm afraid you're not the winner -

-you're both Brian's...

-Dinner!

-Extraordinary. Brian, over to you.

Agh! Please don't eat me!

The other people are more juicier.

Please, stop!

Sorry, teams, but rules are rules,

although I think Brian makes them up as he goes along. Bye-bye!

Aaagh!

Bad luck!

Aaaaagh!

Aaagh!

Aaaagh...!

Aaaagh!

Fee fi fo yum!

Aaagh!

-Aaagh!

-I'm going to enjoy you.

Aaaagh!

That's it from Fee Fi Fo Yum. Extraordinary!

Brian's gobbling away on his 10 a day.

Next time, we'll have two teams hoping to stay out of Brian's tum!

We'll see you then. Can you say goodbye, Brian?

-Goodbye, Brian.

-Don't speak with your mouth full! Oh, that's disgusting -

I saw a London Lion then.