The Fly... Fee Fi Fo Yum

Giant Television proudly presents Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Busy, busy. There, studio's finished.

What next? A showbiz star. Earth!

Welcome to Family Fun For You, with me, Les Dennis.

Oi, you can't grab me, I'm a gameshow host!

Next, humunchies, yum, yum.

-What are you doing? You can't eat him!

-I can. Watch me.

I hate that giant!

Now it's Fee Fi Fo Yum!

And today's contestants.

All the way from Surrey, it's the Croydon Crew.

And they'll be playing against the Wembley Wolves, who come from Middlesex.

Here's a taste of the thrills and spills that stand between them and their freedom.

And now, here he is,

every giant's favourite host, it's Des...

I mean Les Dennis!

I'm slipping and I'm sliding. Hello and welcome to Fee Fi Fo Yum,

the show where the team that's not the winner will be Brian's...

ALL: DINNER!

That's it, I've peaked. No, I haven't really.

We asked 100 giants what their favourite show on GTV was.

They said Fee Fi Fo Yum! Brian's survey said...

HE FARTS

Oh, Brian! Phwor!

HE LAUGHS

FLY BUZZES

You got company up there, Brian?

CRASH!

Keep the noise down, will ya?

All right. Let's get on with the show and meet the teams!

First of all we meet the Croydon Crew.

-Give us a high five. How are you, Karina?

-Fine.

Good. Introduce your team.

-This is Tatianne.

-Hi, Les.

-David.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, David.

-Jack.

-Hi, Les.

-And Teegan.

-Hi, Les.

-And hi, Teegan.

-I'm energised today, you up for it?

-Yeah.

-What would you describe yourselves as?

-We're cool and work together.

You're cool and you can work together. Is that right, team?

-Yes!

-The cool Croydon Crew. Let's go over and meet the Wembley Wolves.

-Hi, Alexander.

-Hi, Les.

-Introduce us to the team.

-This is Ramyasree.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Ramyasree.

-This is Hussein.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Hussein.

-This is Yukta.

-Hi, Les.

-And at the end is Iman.

-Hi, Les.

-Hi, Iman.

So, what kind of team would you describe yourselves as?

We're fierce, we're ferocious, and we're not scared of giants.

You will be when I eat you!

OK, that's the teams!

And this is how we play Fee Fi Fo Yum.

You'll compete in a series of games to earn time.

The more time you earn, the better chance you will stand

in the show's finale, the Great Escape.

-Is that clear, teams?

-ALL: Yes, Les!

OK, then, let's get on with game one.

Now, when Brian watches Fee Fi Fo Yum,

he loves a really lovely cup of tea.

-But he likes it really sweet.

-Nice and sweet.

Your job in this game is to give him

the sweetest cup of tea you possibly can.

Using the teaspoons, catapult the sugar cubes into your teacups.

-Yum!

-The team that makes him the sweetest cup of tea

will win the first five-second lifeline,

but more importantly, that brew will take Brian's mind off eating you.

So, Brian, who's going to play?

Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.

I think you should have a go.

Teacake. Oh, I mean Teegan.

And snack. I mean Jack.

You look like you could make a good cuppa.

And I want Iman and Yukta.

Hm. Now, which one of you am I going to eat first?

Brian's made his choice. Teams, let's play...

Teams, you have until Brian's egg timer runs out to keep him sweet.

Good luck. Over to you, Brian.

Ready, steady, keep me sweet!

That's it. Remember, the more sugar lumps you get into your cup,

the better your chance to keep him sweet.

Oh, just off the edge there.

Lots of sugar cubes over the table.

-No wonder he's got flies!

-Oh, come on!

You need to get it in to the...

Oh, there goes one, in a splash of tea.

-Whoa!

-Only 30 seconds left.

It's close.

Oh! The Wembley lot have certainly got the idea of this game.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven, six,

five, four,

three, two, one.

-HOOTER BLOWS

-Time's up!

The cluck of his egg timer. So, players, back to your teams.

Well done. I reckon we've got very sweet tea here. What have we got?

The Croydon Crew got two sugar lumps in. It's sweet. Is it sweet enough?

No, because the Wembley Wolves, you got five in,

and you get the five-second lifeline.

We're going to take a break. Join us after this.

Brian, how about this for your friend Freddie?

Ooh! Very funny, Des.

I hate that fly!

-TV:

-'Fee Fi Fo Yum is back after the break.'

When you're a dirty great big stinking giant,

you want your yearly bath to be special.

But with all that grime,

it can be difficult to get things nice and foamy.

Well, help is at hand in the shape of Bot Buster Bubble Blast.

Concocted from a unique blend of rotten sprouts, mouldy cabbage

and our finest home-grown Bot Buster beans,

Bot Buster Bubble Blast gives you the gas to guff.

Just look at those bum bubbles!

Bot Buster Bubble Blast. A couple of gulps guarantees results.

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

FLY BUZZES

Anyway! At the end of the first game, the Wembley Wolves

took a five-second lead over the Croydon Crew.

There's plenty of time up for grabs. What does time mean?

ALL: FREEDOM!

Yes, that's right.

Now it's Brian's favourite part of the show. It certainly isn't mine.

OK, then, Brian. Introduce it.

It's Des's Tasty Challenge!

Teams, tell him. What's my name?

-ALL: Les!

-See?

-That's what I said, Des.

Des's Tasty Challenge!

You know what? I don't know who's more annoying, Brian or that fly.

-What are you banging on about, Des?

-Oh, hello, Brian.

I said, um, real men don't cry. Do we, lads?

-No.

-No, we don't.

-Des, you cry all the time!

Boo-hoo-hoo, I'm Des Lennis!

I'm trapped on a kitchen table!

Boo-hoo-hoo, I'm a silly little man!

I hate that giant!

Anyway! On to Les's Tasty Challenge.

Now, under this dish, Brian has put a type of food.

I don't know what it is.

You have to guess how much of it I can eat in 30 seconds.

-Is that clear, teams?

-ALL: Yes!

OK, let's reveal the meal!

Blancmange! Ooh, shaped like a little rabbit.

So, what do you think? Can I eat a lot of this or a little bit?

Put down your answers on your cards.

Brian, this is quite nice. I like rabbits. I like blancmange.

What could be better? Rabbit blancmange?

-Yum!

-You do like me really, don't you?

I like rabbits. I like blancmange.

Maybe that's attracting Freddie the Fly!

I hope he doesn't come down here. He'd be that big.

Right, teams, have you put down your guesses?

ALL: Yes, Les!

All right. Brian, can I have my light, please?

I have 30 seconds starting...now!

Come on, Les!

-It doesn't taste of rabbit.

-20 seconds.

-That's it.

-Chew it!

Ten, nine, eight,

-seven, six...

-Come on, Les!

..five, four, three, two, one.

Time's up! You've started so you'll finish!

Easy - all gone!

Right, what did you guess? Croydon Crew, what did you guess?

-Ten.

-And what about you, the Wembley Wolves?

-Seven.

-Seven.

Brian, how many spoonfuls of the blancmange did I eat?

12 spoonfuls of blancmange.

12, so who was the nearest? You were!

The Croydon Crew get a five-second lifeline.

So, it's neck-and-neck. That will make the Great Escape exciting.

We'll take a break. One of these teams of humunchies

will end up in Brian's tum at the end of the show.

Who will it be? Come back and join us and find out.

Sometimes it feels like you'll never get your home smelling right.

Still not stinky enough, is it?

You need Plug'n'Pong!

Simply plug it in and pick from three pongy settings -

manure, sour milk and rotten veg.

And every hour, your home will be blessed

with a silent but violent trump of fresh poo pourri fragrance.

The new Plug'n'Pong, exclusive to GTV.

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

The Croydon Crew have a five-second lifeline.

And the Wembley Wolves have a five-second lifeline.

So, all to play for as we go into our next game.

Now, Brian gets a little bit lonely up in giant land.

ALL: Aww!

So, to keep him company, he likes to make himself little spuddy buddies.

Hey, a giant's gotta do what a giant's gotta do!

So, Brian, who's your buddy today?

-Bob.

-Teams, say "Hello, Bob".

ALL: Hello, Bob!

Hello, everybody!

Brilliant! Now, all Bob's bits are in the bowl of blancmange.

You have to get them out and recreate him.

The team that first recreates Bob will win the five-second lifeline.

So, Brian who's going into the blancmange?

Hm. I like the look of...

Tatianne.

You look juicy.

And I'll have...

Hussein. Yum!

And who will be making the Bobs?

Fee Fi Fo Yum!

I'll pick...

Karina and David.

And Alexander and Ramyasree. Mm!

You'd make a tasty starter.

Brian's made his choice. Teams, let's play...

Tatianne and Hussein, you will dive for the bits.

You will pass them to Karina and Ramyasree,

who will then pass them to David and Alexander, who will make the Bobs.

Good luck. Goggles on.

Three, two, one, dive!

Oh, and they're into that blancmange!

Sinking in there. Hussein's got an eye out.

It's got to Alexander, who's put one on.

The Croydon Crew are getting the hat on top.

Remember it must be Bob's identical twin.

Karina! That's the mouth!

Is it the right mouth?

Is it the right way round?

FLY BUZZES

Wembley Wolves are just slightly ahead.

They've got the nose in place.

That is so heavy.

What's that?

There are loads of bits in there, and there are loads of wrong bits.

You must find the right bits. Tatianne has found a mouth.

But nobody's finished yet.

-Just an ear!

-Which one?

-Any!

Is that the right ear for Bob on the Croydon Crew side?

-Just look for them, Hussein!

-Tell them what you want.

You're really struggling to find those bits in the blancmange.

Both teams want that lead before

we go into the next and last round before the Great Escape.

Hurry up!

Wembley Wolves are just ahead, I think.

He's starting to look like the Bob that we want.

An eye! One final eye!

That fly's up there licking his lips, as well.

He wants to come down and get this blancmange when we've finished.

Wembley Wolves, I think you're just one piece away.

The Wembley Wolves reckon they've done it.

-Brian, is that your spuddy?

-Yes.

Yes, it is, so you've the five-second lifeline!

Croydon Crew, you were just one eye away.

You nearly got there, but not quite,

so you don't get a five-second lifeline.

We're going to take a break,

but, teams, watch the commercials very closely

because I will be quizzing you on them later.

And you lot at home can play along as well.

Not that your life depends on it. Theirs does!

# Whoa Hairy Mary. #

Hairy pits really are the pits.

So for a smoother, more feminine you,

try the Hairy Mary Furry Pit Rip and Strip.

Simply apply and rip.

Yeah, the pain is like nothing you've ever felt, but Momma, is it worth it!

Look at all that fuzz free flesh.

# Whoa Hairy Mary. #

Because I'm hairy.

# She's so scary. #

SNEEZES

Hey there, snot face. Looks like you need a new box of tissues.

No money? No problem.

Get a box of As Good As New tissues.

Open one up and who knows what you'll find inside.

Go on, have a blow. You'll soon get used to the feel of them.

And here's the best part -

As Good As New tissues are half the price.

We can't guarantee they'll be clean or there won't be creatures inside.

As Good As New products are not as good as new.

It's just a catchy name.

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Now, teams, I hope your powers of observation are good

because I'm about to quiz you on the ads you've just seen on GTV.

Give me a correct answer, I will give you a two-second lifeline.

Currently, the Croydon Crew have five seconds.

-BRIAN:

-Well done!

And the Wembley Wolves have ten seconds.

And there's ten seconds up for grabs in this round

so fingers on your buzzers as we play...

Here is your starter for two. In the...

# Whoa, Hairy Mary. #

..ad, Hairy Mary waxed which part of her body?

Wembley Wolves.

Wembley Wolves.

The armpit.

Let's have a look.

It is the correct answer. You get another two seconds!

So, question two. What were the only words that Hairy Mary said?

-Wembley Wolves.

-Wembley Wolves again.

Going to need it from you.

Um...

I'm going to have to pass it over.

-Croydon Crew.

-"Because I'm hairy".

Karina says, "Because I'm hairy".

Because I'm hairy.

Is the correct answer!

-I knew that one.

-Question three. How many times did the giant sneeze

in the Good As New tissues ad?

Croydon Crew.

-Three times.

-Three times?

No, I'm going to hand it over.

-Two times.

-Twice? Let's have a look.

SNEEZES

It was just one great big sneeze so nobody gets any seconds there.

Question four. Complete this sentence at the start of the ad.

"Hey there..."

Wembley Wolves.

-Wembley Wolves.

-It was...

Hey there... Hey there, have you...

I'm going to have to hand it over cos you were hesitating there.

-Croydon Crew.

-Snot face.

-Let's see if you're right.

SNEEZES

Hey there, snot face.

CHEERING

That's 'snot' the wrong answer! It's the right answer.

You get two seconds.

Question five. Which nostril did the giant have snot in?

-Croydon Crew.

-Croydon Crew?

-Both.

-Both.

Both? Let's have a look.

Yes! You're right. Well done.

And at the end of that really exciting round,

the Croydon Crew got three right. That's six seconds. Well played.

Wembley Wolves you got one right which is two seconds.

CHEERING

How does that affect your overall lifelines? Let's find out...

after the weather from Windy Wendy.

Here's Giant Television's latest forecast,

brought to you by Bot Buster Beans, loved by giants everywhere.

Hello there. It's Windy Wendy Weathervane with your GTV weather.

Today, there will be high pressure... RUMBLING

..building up throughout the afternoon,

resulting in a breeze blowing across south-eastern parts.

FARTING

And that's your weather.

FARTS Ooh! I beg your pardon.

BUZZING

Wendy, Wendy, oh, I'm so sorry. Mwah!

-Wendy, Wendy, Wendy.

-Brian?

Uh... Is there any chance you could pretend that never happened

and just get on with the show?

Absolutely, Brian, I won't mention it again.

Welcome back to Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Brian is too busy snogging Wendy, to pick, so down to you, teams.

-Des.

-I'm sorry Brian. You love her, you love her, you love her.

Right, you've got to decide who's going to take on The Great Escape.

Go into your huddles. Remember, their lives depend on this decision.

When he's not snogging Wendy, Brian will be eating the losing team.

Whoever is chosen will have the fate of their team-mates in their hands.

You have to try and get us from that bowl.

OK, out of your huddles. I need to know who's playing and why.

-Croydon crew, who's playing for you?.

-Karina as she's our leader.

She's fast and she'll try and get us some freedom.

-Karina, are you feeling confident?

-Yes, Les, I am.

-And over here on the Wembley Wolves who's playing and why?

-Alex.

He has agility, he's powerful and he's going to get this team freedom.

-Alex, are you up to that?

-Yes, Les.

-Good!

I'm really pleased to hear that. Karina and Alex, it's time for...

The Great Escape.

This is it, Karina and Alexander.

Brian has trapped your team-mates in the Scales Of Justice.

Their future hangs in the balance.

It's down to you two to try to release them.

But standing between you and them is The Great Escape.

First, you must tackle The Doughnut Dash.

Then, it's on to The Kitchen Roll Crawl.

-Watch out for those meatballs.

-AUDIENCE: Ahh!

Once through there, you'll get on to The Rolling Pin Roller.

Watch out, Brian's got those teabags out.

Next you do The Choc Bar Challenge to build a walkway to Brian's bowl.

Then it's up the slippery slope to the rope.

The player who gets to the top first must pull the release rope.

Only then can your team-mates escape down the freedom chute.

I don't need to remind you

if you're not the team that's the winner, you'll be Brian's...

ALL: Dinner!

OK. Croydon Crew, you have an overall lifeline of 11 seconds.

And, Wembley Wolves, you have an overall lifeline of 12 seconds.

That's just a one-second advantage.

-Alexander, do you think you can use that one second?

-Of course I can.

You feel confident. How do you feel about being that little bit behind?

-A little bit confident as well.

-OK, good.

So you will go on Brian's first whistle, Alexander.

And you, Karina, will go on Brian's second whistle. Good luck.

Brian, over to you.

WHISTLE BLOWS

And Alexander is off and straight behind is Karina.

A little trip in The Doughnut Dash, but she's right behind.

She seems to have got stuck in The Kitchen Roll Crawl.

But I can see meatballs have come out both sides, so it's close.

Alexander has... Ooh!

Back to the start.

He's going back to the steps.

Karina has to go back to the steps.

Alexander is across and he's on to The Chocolate Bar Challenge.

Oh, Karina!

Oh, you'll be dinner.

Come on, Karina!

Oh, Karina!

Alexander is well into The Choc Bar Challenge.

SHOUTING

Karina is back.

And she's off again. She can't get across The Rolling Pin Run.

Out the way!

-Alexander is halfway through the challenge.

-Come on!

Karina has got across The Rolling Pin Run.

She slipped there. Now she has the chance to catch up.

How quick can she be? Alexander is into the blancmange.

He's climbing the slippery slope.

Karina is doing well with The Chocolate Bar Challenge.

Alexander is getting a bit stuck in the blancmange. It's very slippy.

If you dive in that's what happens,

you get covered in blancmange and the slippery slope gets slippy.

Karina is covered in blancmange.

That's not usually a good sign. It means it's very slippy.

Your hands are slippy.

But she's caught up by completing The Chocolate Bar Challenge

and is into the bowl, it's just ahead of Alexander.

He's on the middle of the slippery slope.

He's so close, he can see that rope.

He can see his team-mates willing him on to freedom,

but he's back into the blancmange!

SHOUTING

Come on, Alexander.

Alex is making a real effort

but Karina might make it to the top.

She has! She's beaten him.

And that means the Croydon Crew are out quickly.

As fast as you can, escape!

Bye, Croydon Crew!

Alexander, come and join me. I'm sorry about that.

It was so close. You know what that means?

-You're not the winner, you're Brian's?

-Dinner.

-Yes!

Brian over to you.

Come here, you!

SCREAMING

Bad luck.

Rules are rules. I'll feed the Wolves to the giant.

This is tasty.

Fee Fi Fo Yum.

SCREAMING AND CRUNCHING

I'm going to enjoy you.

CRUNCHING AND SCREAMING

That's it from Fee Fi Fo Yum.

Brian's, eating that pack of five.

But that won't keep him happy for long.

Join us next time when two new teams of humunchies will fight

for their freedom and hope to stay out of Brian's tum.

We'll see you then. Say goodbye, Brian.

Goodbye, Brian.

BUZZING

CRUNCHING

Oh, surprisingly tasty.

# I know an old giant who swallowed a fly

# I don't know why he swallowed a fly

# Perhaps he'll die. #

HE LAUGHS

BURPING