Episode 11 Fit

Hello, this is the FIT O'clock News. Our top stories today.

The swimming world was in shock after a freestyle Olympic

swimmer, Philip "the fish" Jenkins was exposed as an actual fish.

We're slightly embarrassed it's taken us this long

to notice to be honest.

The winner of the world bodybuilding championships was disqualified

today for inflating himself with a bike pump.

This was only discovered after he sat on a pin

and flew out the window.

Thrill seeking TV presenter Susan Eves is attempting to

run 100 marathons in 100 days.

It's day 36 of her challenge and she's had to overcome blisters,

shin splints and a run-in with an angry goat.

We can now go over live to see how she's getting on.

Susan, how's it going?

I'm still running.

Right. Turns out she's still running.

Head up, son, you might be losing this match but it's still

winnable, just need to make a few tactical changes for the second set.

What you want to do is try and hit the ball over the net, yeah?

The ball over the net, not through the net,

not underneath the net, the ball over the net, like that yeah?

With your racket. "Hello, use me", yeah?

Not your hand, not your foot, not a banana, that's not a racket is it?

Racket, not a racket. Racket, not a racket.

All we've got to do is hit the ball over the net with the racket

and we're back in the match, yeah?

Are you serious?

Absolutely.

I was expecting more technical

advice from the world's greatest tennis coach.

Such as?

Which end do I hold it?

Is it the thin one or the fat one?

Blueskins, Blueskins, they're for me,

they're going to fight for victory!

-Give me a V.

-V!

Give me an I.

-I.

-Give me a K.

-Are you sure it's a K?

I thought it was a C.

No silly, curly C sounds like C as in Ace.

That would be like "visstory", loser.

Oh yeah, sorry.

Maybe it's a C and then a K?

I'm Nikki with two K's, so maybe it's a K and then another K.

Oh, OK, OK, let's just change it to something that we can all spell.

-Good idea.

-OK.

My best dance move?

Probably this one,

which explains why Lady Gaga sacked me

as her choreographer.

I was once on Britain's Got Talent, in the audience.

I love jazz, me.

Well, one hand does, the other one's not really into it.

Stop embarrassing me.

What are you doing? That's so bad for you.

-What?

-That, what you're eating. It's so bad for you, it's so bad.

What are you having?

I'm having rennet-free yogurt and a tofu

and lentil salad which is just so good for you, it's just so good.

You wouldn't get me eating that. Try to get me to eat some of that burger.

Would you like to eat some of my burger?

Are you trying to get me to eat your burger?

The only way I'd eat that burger is if I had a spasm

and my face fell on the plate, and the reason I'd have a spasm

is because of all the additives in the food, which are so bad for you.

You'd never believe what that does to your arteries.

-What?

-It's so bad for them.

-What does it do?

-It's just so bad for them.

-Tell me.

I can't tell you... It fills them up with ooze.

-Ooze?

-Yeah.

It makes your insides go all yellow and bubbly,

and then it builds up inside you and explodes like a zit.

It's just so bad for them.

But don't let me put you off.

I think I might get a salad.

Yeah?

Oh. Oh, so bad for me.

The Misspelt Games!

You join us on a rather wet track for the semifinal

of the 100-metre hurtles.

These weather conditions won't make hurtling any easier.

They're off!

De Silva in lane one the favourite, beautiful smooth action.

Oh, and she's down!

But look at Rogers of Canada,

going through the obstacles like they're butter. Hard, painful butter.

Bruised like a peach but going like a train.

It's a new personal best and a new personal injury.

-Let's see the replay.

-Oh!

Wallop, she's down.

And Beruti, gold in Berlin, went in wrist first.

-That's terrible hurtling.

-We can only blame the weather.

And look at Farrow! Picking them up will only slow you down.

Stern of Austria putting his best foot forward

but I think he's broken his ankle.

And there's De Silva, she's really put the hurt into hurtling.

Here come the track officials to clean up the splinters.

Sorry, Miss, I can't do hockey today. I've got a note.

I was horse riding at the weekend and I did my coccyx in.

I can't move.

Yeah, Miss, I can't do it either.

I've got pins and needles.

Pins, needles, knives,

forks and the skewer things that you get at barbecues.

Erm, anyone help me please?

Time to check in with Susan Eves now who is on day 49 of her

attempt to run 100 marathons in 100 days.

What's going on, Susan?

I'm still running.

Have you been up to anything else interesting lately?

-No, just running.

-Who'd have thought?

Hey, there, Chad Stevens here with more super awesome time-saving tips.

We all want to look super pretty and groomed, but it can take ages.

So why not save time on washing

and blow-drying your hair by shaving your head?

I don't know what to say.

It really brings out your nose, in a good way.

Another great time-saving day. Job done.

Yeah, you can catch those dance moves on my latest DVD.

Now that's what I call embarrassing dad dance moves.

-Give me an E.

-E!

-Give me an S.

-S!

-Give me a T.

-T!

What does that spell?

I've no idea.

-What does it spell?

-I thought you knew.

Do you want your favourite sporting hero to come to your birthday party?

Want to impress your friends? Can't afford the real thing?

Then you need Brian Butterfield's

Sporting Look-Similar-Tos.

I could attend your party dressed as your favourite sport star,

including...

From the world of football - David Beckham.

From the world of golf, Tiger Woods.

From the world of animation, Jiminy Cricket.

From the world of crisps,

Gary Lineker.

And there's lots more.

From the world of rugby, Johnny Wilkinson.

From the world of tennis, Roger Federer.

-Game Federer.

-From the world of basketball,

famous basketball man.

From the world of snooker, Ronnie "The Rocket" O'Sullivan.

And from the world of Quidditch, Harry Potter.

The Butterfield Look-Similar-To service is open for business,

but I have borrowed the costumes from a shop

and they need to be returned by the end of the week.

So I'm only available until Thursday. Call now.

At last, all on one DVD,

it's sports presenter Kenny Maul's Worst Moments.

This is Kenny Maul live at Wembley for the FA Cup Final.

Ow, could you not do that while I'm talking please?

Yes, it's The Unluckiest Sportscaster

In The World's Greatest Hits.

The Open from Carnoustie

is golf's number one... Agh!

You're supposed to shout "fore".

It's almost as if people are aiming for him.

Village cricket, oh!

Well, this is my first time reporting at Ultimate Frisbee

and I must say I'm having... Agh!

It doesn't get more exciting than finals day at Wimbledon.

Ha, missed! Agh, oh, come on!

And featuring his most dangerous report ever...

Welcome to the Olympic Javelin Final.

Kenny Maul's Worst Moments in shops now.

Let's catch up with Susan Eves now on day 56 of her 100

marathons in 100 days challenge.

I wonder what she's up to.

I'm still running.

I'm still running.

What's that?

Oh, nothing, good luck.

Classic Cabrera, the world number one,

always checks his shuttlecock before serving.

They say badminton is a matter of taste and that one's just right.

Pementes seeded third with all the time in the world for this return,

never takes his eye off the shuttlecock, lovely.

Cabrera moves to the line, picking his moment, picking his angle,

he'll be picking that up.

Pementes brought all the way up to the net, what a reach,

a big sweeping forehand smash.

And another, and another little one, one more, yes, that's got it.

But where can he go from here? Ah, under the net.

Cabrera will have to pull something out to keep this rally going.

There! Well, well, well, that is beautiful badminton.

Cabrera literally playing his opponent off the court.

I think he's gone to do a wee-wee.

Do you want to see my robot dance?

I really like doing the caterpillar, shall I show you?

I just curl up into a ball and go to sleep.

It's a robot that's run out of batteries.

I did this dance at my wedding, my wife will never forget it.

I accidentally gave her a black eye.

-Hiya.

-Hiya.

-I am psyched for the cycle,

but it's a serious matter.

Well, 50 miles up some of the toughest hills in the region.

Toning quads and gluts.

Improving cardiovascular performance.

Increasing lactic acid tolerance.

-Come on!

-Have it!

-Get in!

-Pump my tyres!

-50 miles is a long way.

-I hear that.

If we're going to stay the distance then...

We need to replace electrolytes, minerals and salts.

And you can't rehydrate without salt.

You'd be a fool to try.

You know what's a great source of salt? Crisps.

No doubt about it.

Plus they've got all the calories we need to replace that

energy we'll use going up those hills.

There are a lot of hills.

We're going to need a lot of calories.

What have you got that's got a lot of calories in it?

Hmm, let me see.

Butter, pate, cheese, lasagne, sausages and cake.

It's 50 miles.

Well, we need to give these bodies as much support as they can get.

-Let's take all of it.

-It's the only decision that makes any sense.

Have you got any fruit?

Er, yeah, this gateau's got some cherries on top.

That's good enough for me.

-Oh! That doesn't look very safe.

-Can't argue with that.

Here's a thought.

How about we eat some of our sports supplements now?

Thus making the bike lighter and safer.

-Yeah.

-Let's start with the fudge cake.

-Cream?

-Mm.

Yeah, you're going to need more cream than that.

-When this one's done I've got another bottle.

-Good.

Hey there, congratulations, we're on my 3,000th time-saving tip, awesome.

By now you've saved enough time to see another one of my top

time-saving tips.

Save time, move to Australia so you'll always be 12 hours ahead.

Think what you can do with all that spare time,

and what with the time difference and all, you'll be in the future.

How awesome is that! Futuristic Chad.

I can't thank you enough for telling me about this Australia thing.

It's the least we could do after everything you've done to us.

Well, I guess this is goodbye. It's been emotional.

I'd just like to say...

Save time by not saying goodbye.

I've taught them well.

Sorry, Miss, I can't do circuit training today.

I've got a note, I broke my foot at the weekend falling out of a tree.

Yeah, Miss...

Erm, right.

Are you bowling then? Thought so.

The ball, the pins, the shiny floor.

That woman, I said, is bowling.

Good, good, the classic position.

Keep your mind only on the pins.

Oh, kissing the ball, the lucky habit,

helps to maintain that vital level of concentration.

Yeah, keep that concentration. Don't lose that concentration.

Nice shoes. Are they yours or did you hire them?

I hired them, now shut up!

All right, all right, calm down, they're only shoes.

Although it might have been cheaper to buy them.

I suppose it depends on how much they are to hire.

How much are the shoes?

Ow! My toe, oh!

Oh, dear. You've made a right fudge of that one, haven't you?

Might not have happened if you'd had better fitting shoes.

Agh!

Strike! Although technically you have already had your two goes.

-Oi, out, come on!

-Me out? What about him?

Shh! They're trying to bowl. You're putting them off.

-Some people.

-No!

Are you bowling then?

Time to go over to Susan Eves, day 73.

Susan, we can't stand the suspense, tell us what's going on?

I'm still running.

Brilliant.

There's only one more burger if anyone wants one?

No, must be mine, nice one.

So, Terry, inviting the new neighbours over for the first

barbecue of the season.

How do you think it went?

Well, I think we made quite a good impression on Dave and Val,

and the new barbecue done me proud.

Yes, let's talk about your selection for today. The Emperor 3000.

Why did you go for that?

-Well, it's bigger than theirs.

-Fair enough.

Let's talk about that dodgy moment

early on when Val's chicken leg looked a bit pink.

It looked fine to me.

Well, I think we can have a look at it now.

There's the chicken leg, looking pretty bloody, if I'm honest.

Granted it could have done with a couple more minutes, but Val's fine.

And of course there was that nasty off the table incident with

Donna's burger.

Shall we have a look at that?

Yeah, there's the burger, straight on to the floor.

A bit of dusting, looking around, and then straight on to the plate.

To be fair, that was off the ground

well before the five minute rule was over.

And Donna and Val aren't feeling any ill effects.

RETCHING

Oh, honestly, would you do that over the fence into your own garden?

Thanks, Terry, back to the studio.

180!

Sorry, what colour am I again?

The living room.

You see a place where the family relaxes and enjoys its free time.

I, Dave Pike, see an arena

where danger lurks in the curtains

and crouches behind the sofa,

ready to strike like an angry panther when you least expect it.

Who are you? What are you doing here?

My name is Dave Pike and I'm here to tell you where danger lurks.

How did you get in?

It looks to me like you're just waiting for Mr Danger to arrive.

Mr Who?

We're just watching TV in our living room.

Let's hope it stays being the living room.

What are you going on about?

There are hidden dangers everywhere.

We're pretty careful.

Yeah? You check the plug sockets?

-Yes.

-Bear traps in the garden?

-What?

-Got any lit fireworks in here?

-Of course not.

-But you could have.

Let me give you a Pikes-ample.

You've all just come in from a fireworks

display in the garden for little Miles's birthday.

My name's Ben.

A guest walks in through the glass doors,

stupidly holding a firework that hasn't gone off yet.

He gets engrossed in some chitchat, and then distracted by the

buffet of cold meats on the table he does not notice the lit candle.

What's that smell? Hey, where are you going?

You need to learn about danger and how to prevent it.

BANG!

-Are you OK?

-The Pike is always OK.

Actually, no, I'm not.

-Would you call me a doctor please?

-Yeah.

I really like to do break dancing.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

OBJECTS CRASH

I am so sorry. I will pay for that.

I refuse to answer that question, good day.

SHE BLOWS WHISTLE

Help! I'm scared of heights.

Can someone help me down from here please?

GLASS SMASHES Sorry!

Oh!

Game Janson.

Mr Janson leads two games to one in the first set.

Time please.

15 - love.

New balls, please.

Susan Eves news now, you know the score.

100 marathons, 100 days, blah, blah, blah.

Susan, how are you getting on?

I'm not running.

-What?

-I finished yesterday.

Brilliant, congratulations. Delighted to hear it.

So what have you got planned next week?

Going to put your feet up for a few days?

I'm going to embark on my next challenge.

1,000 marathons in 1,000 days.

Brilliant.

Well, we'll keep you abreast of Susan Eves's 1,000 marathons

in 1,000 days, can't wait.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd