Episode 8 Fit

Hello, this is the FIT O'clock News. Our top stories today.

In Geneva, there's a mixed reaction

to the new Winter Olympic test event,

boxing on ice.

-Box.

-BELL RINGS

Suspicions are aroused after the British women's basketball team

go 700 games without losing. KLAXON

CHEERING

And now we go over live

to see the closing stages of the toddler marathon.

Baxdale of New Zealand barely breaking a sweat

after more than 25 miles,

and it's that even pace that will be crucial

as he eats up the ground between him and his arch-rival Tito of Italy.

And Tito's stopped, he's turned round,

what astonishing sportsmanship.

These two, who have been rivals for many, many years -

well, for two years - so close to the finish, are saying,

"Enough, let's cross the line together."

And the big New Zealander gathers his rival in his arms,

their differences forgotten.

Two toddlers who've fought for 25 miles

joined in the fellowship of sport.

Oh, dear, a black day,

the judges are going to have to impose an early bedtime for that.

Ow!

You see, mountaineering is the most dangerous of all sports.

It's one where you have to be prepared for every eventuality.

You're battling the elements, the mountain itself,

and your own stamina. I'm really not sure

you're going to make it past base camp dressed like that.

I mean, look at you, I bet you haven't even packed crampons.

Miles, this is only an opinion, but I don't think I need crampons

for a 20-minute amble up Bluebell Hill.

Excuse me, you've just trodden on our picnic.

Ah, could be good sustenance if we make it to the top. Nice one.

Sorry!

Hi. We're here for a dance party.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh...

-Yeah, what?

-We're here for a dance party.

-You're HERE...for a party?

-Yes, a dance party.

You're at a leisure centre for a party?

A dance party, yes.

If you start crying now, then she might take you to the cinema.

They really enjoy dancing, actually.

Enjoy it? Nobody enjoys it.

Have you seen the people coming out of there?

They're all red-faced and sweaty.

Urgh, they look awful! And there's no pick'n'mix.

Hands up if you want to go to the cinema? Yay!

We're having a birthday dance party,

-can you please just tell us where it is?

-Fine.

It's just down the corridor beside the boys' toilets,

they're the ones that smell the worst.

Thank you.

Honestly, there's no helping some people.

Where did my book go? Ah, there it is.

-Ah, where was I?

-SHE SNORES

I just finished that!

Oh, don't mind me(!)

Honestly, some people.

Oi! Get off my sand.

For 30 years,

top chef Jean-Paul Scoffier has inspired the world with his cooking.

Now, at last, he shares some of his kitchen secrets.

This week - cooking for teenagers.

Debussy. Les teenagers.

They do not eat anything,

but voulez vous le Asterix,

le Obelix,

le Vercingetorix

et le scranch, scranch, scranch.

Et un petit, petit peu de Renault Megane,

Nicole, Papa.

This is absolutement a Eurostar.

But, I hear you say, er, where is the flourish teenage,

le rock'n'roll?

Voila, is this your minky?

Now we need to, er, Cardinal Richelieu

le Pret A Manger sous La Centre de Pompidou, comme ca.

Eau de toilette. Voila. How do you say in English?

Place de la Concorde.

My biggest sporting influence is definitely my coach.

I drive it to all sorts of sporting events.

Oh, cheerleaders.

I mean, you've got to be tough to play American football,

but you've got to be even tougher to wave a pompom with a straight face.

Definitely the guy that paints all the lines on the football pitches.

He must have the biggest ruler ever!

-Oh!

-Louis, get a move on.

-And there's another.

-Geoff, will you please help me look for my keys?

Well, this is Leslie's fifth key lost in 11 breakfasts

and many pundits can't help wondering

if the best place for them must be on the key table where they belong.

Well, that is where I left them but someone moved them again.

Oh, and here comes Louis.

It's his 210th late appearance at the breakfast table this year

and he'll be looking to erase the sour memory of yesterday morning

when he foolishly agreed to try muesli.

Oh, and where's he headed?

Is it going to be a corner? No, it's the fridge.

Geoff, can you shut up and help me find my keys?

Uh-oh, it looks like it's going to be a half-time dressing down

from the manager.

Oh, you said you'd keep an eye on the toast!

And there it is, it looks serious for the toast.

They're making a substitution.

And that is superb dribbling from young Louis there.

Oh, Louis, don't encourage him. There you go, love.

And Louis has won the cup!

He raises it in the air to the cheers of the crowd,

and that's no surprise to anyone who knows Louis,

because that cup has this boy's name written all over it.

I'm going to have to go, I'm going to be late to get the bus.

-And what exactly are these?

-Er....

-You used my keys to open the back door again, didn't you?

-Yes.

Dad's in the penalty area, this is looking dangerous.

Injury time.

I'm sorry, Miss, I can't do javelin today,

I've pulled a muscle in my shoulder, so I need to rest it.

Yeah, Miss, I can't do it either,

because I lost my pencil case and it's a red one.

Ah!

180!

Come on, people, the profits for the Sugary Fizzy Drink Corporation

are going down, down, down.

I need those profits to go up, up, up.

I thought I couldn't say this, but we've got to go healthy.

-That's where the money is.

-We think we've got something, Chief.

-It's brilliant.

-It's simple.

-It's this.

A ball?! We don't sell sports equipment, we're a drinks company.

This, Chief, is an orange.

And inside it is orange juice.

I can't say I like the packaging. How do you get the juice in there?

Well, that's the beauty of it, Chief, the juice is already inside.

-These things literally grow on trees.

-They're 100% natural.

And healthy.

This is as flat as a pancake.

Have you put any fizz in this at all?

-Er, no, orange juice is fizzless, Chief.

-Just as nature intended.

I've never told you this before,

but I knew a kid once who never drank fizzy drinks,

he was an embarrassment at the school burping contest.

I swore right then that I'd put fizz in all my drinks.

So much fizz I didn't care if the kids burped until they puked.

Allow me.

Cheers.

It needs a little bit of something extra,

a little bit of a secret ingredient.

But orange juice is perfect the way it is, Chief.

It doesn't need a secret ingredient.

It doesn't need a secret ingredient?! I knew this kid once...

-Is this the same kid as the other kid?

-No.

It's a totally separate kid.

Anyway, this kid, he didn't have any secrets.

He grew up to be a spy,

but because he'd never learnt how to keep secrets,

he gave all of MI6's secrets away.

That's when I swore I'd teach kids the value of secrets

by putting secret formula into all of my drinks.

Bottoms up.

Just needs...

a little bit more sugar.

And one for luck.

Cheers. Ah!

My sporting inspiration is boxing legend Muhammad Ali.

To quote the great man himself

in his 1974 Rumble In The Jungle against George Foreman,

"Ow, ow, George, stop hitting me. Ow, ow."

'Are you ready to work out?

'Of course you are! Just follow these simple moves

'and you too can have a body like mine.

-'So, are you ready?'

-Yes.

-'I can't hear you.'

'Are you ready?'

-Yes!

-'Good. Just do exactly what I do. It's easy, let's do it.

'Start down low and swing and swing,

'and bend and stretch,

'and stretch,

'and up, down, up, down, up, down, up down...'

-Mum.

-'Up, up... '

Mum.

Mum!

Can I have some money? I'm going to the shops with Jake.

-No, you shouldn't have spent all your pocket money.

-I only need...

Why are you standing like that?

I'm exercising.

'Up and jump. And up, down, up...'

'Up, down, up, down, up...'

'And kick, and kick, and kick...'

Are you absolutely sure I can't have some money?

Yeah, all right then, there's £1 on the side in the kitchen.

Thanks, Mum.

'And jog, jog, kick, kick, kick...'

I'll see you later.

Are you hungry, peckish, hungry, famished?

Have an empty stomach or just fancy a bite to eat?

Then come down to Butterfield Sports Restaurant.

At the Butterfield Sports Restaurant you can dine like a true champion.

But what about the menu? That's a very good question.

The menus haven't been delivered,

but if you ask me about the food we serve,

I will try my very best to remember.

Please don't knock that candle over.

Here are the Chef's Specials...

And you simply must try our signature dish,

the Butterfield Sports Pizza.

Just listen to these "increbidle" toppings.

And every sports pizza comes equipped with a fun whistle crust.

Just put it to your lips and blow.

HE WHISTLES FEEBLY

Oh, I think there must be an olive stuck in this one.

We aim to serve your meal as soon as it's ordered,

but at busy times there may be a short delay,

as we don't have an oven.

-Excuse me, where's the toilet?

-We don't have any toilets.

We don't have toilets, either, but don't let that put you off.

While you wait, please enjoy our extensive gallery

of sporting superstars.

So what are you waiting for? Book now.

Please remember to bring your own chair.

Buy the sensational new autobiography -

Anna Duzanki: Me.

Being a professional tennis player

is the most difficult job in the world.

All of the fashion shows, red carpet events,

photo shoots and interviews - and the playing tennis.

Read about all the highs and lows of Anna's amazing career.

I'll never forget

when I lost the number one slot in the world rankings

of the 100 most beautiful women on the planet.

In tennis I was ranked 957.

Find out about how I always knew I wanted to be a tennis player,

ever since my father told me I wanted to be a tennis player.

I cannot wait to share me...

with you.

Anna Duzanki: Me. Out now.

It was not out!

Oh, you meant the book.

Yes, I get it.

Target is in sight, target is moving into position.

Why are you talking like that? We're right here.

-Sorry, erm, target is in position.

-What's he doing?

-Look at that.

-I don't believe it, this is sick.

Come on, Guv, let's get them now.

Hold it, wait until he touches it. Wait...

Come on. There!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Health SWAT team, put down the ice cream.

-Put the cone down, Tommy.

-Come on, Tommy.

It doesn't have to be this way.

Put down the unhealthy option.

Put it down, Tommy, nice and easy.

Now take the fruit salad.

Good boy, that's it. Get that vitamin C inside you.

Close call. Well done, lads.

-Now, let's get this cleaned up.

-I'm on to it, Boss.

And then it's back to base for a camomile tea.

-Charlie!

-What?

-Give me that. Right, back to the van, lads.

I'll deal with you later.

Charlie!

Come to bed, love.

No, I'm exercising.

The Misspelt Games!

You join us at a breezy Field of Dreams

for this afternoon's other event.

The Clay Pigeon Shouting.

A full line up this afternoon including Paul Wiggins,

the UK hopeful, fresh from success at the European Championship

in Marseille, where two competitors were deafened

and another still hasn't got his voice back.

The ear protectors going on now.

Yes, this is an event that can punish even the toughest ear drums.

-BOTH SHOUT:

-Clay pigeon, clay pigeon, clay pigeon.

-What a lot of noise!

-Listen to that din.

-BOTH:

-Clay pigeon, clay pigeon, clay pigeon.

For the sake of viewers' eardrums,

we can't show you too much of this in one go, but it really is

all over, bar the shouting, so we'll come back when that's finished.

Meanwhile, let's see what's happening in the three-dad eventing.

Clay pigeon, clay pigeon!

My biggest sporting influence?

Oh, I suppose it would have to be Mr Jones, my old PE teacher,

because since school I've never wanted to play sport again.

Sporting influence? Er, well, it's got to be David Beckham.

I mean, he's the reason I became a hairdresser.

Can I help you, sir?

Hi, yeah. I'm looking for a bag for my girlfriend.

Bag.

Well, this one's very versatile.

You can wear it here, here, here...

Oh, sorry, I missed one. Here, here, here and here.

Right, and I suppose it's just as versatile on the other arm.

No.

Thank you.

DOORBELL RINGS

Louis, they're here! Right, you behave yourself, Geoff.

What? I don't know what you mean.

Hello, Frankie, Louis is upstairs. Go on up and play.

Hello, here we go.

And I'm joined today by Linda and Mike, familiar faces

to those of you who watch regularly, because they live next door.

This promises to be a fascinating encounter.

Linda, how's your garden been?

All this dry weather can't be helping.

Oh, it's a disappointing start for a meeting that promised so much.

This could be a very, very long day.

-Erm, it's all right actually, I water it all the time.

-Yeah?

-Looks like we're heading for a bore draw.

-Geoffrey!

Oh, and I think I may have spoken too soon.

Tempers are starting to fray. Expect fireworks.

Oh, I'm so sorry about him, Linda.

-Don't be. To be honest I'm glad I'm not the only one.

-What do you mean?

How do you see this one going then, Geoff?

It's heating up nicely, Mike. Thanks for joining us.

-Oh no, not you, too.

-He never stops.

This one's set to be a cracker, Geoff.

The birthday boy, your son, in front of his home crowd.

The visitor, my son, more skilled in every way.

Faster, stronger, and his dad's got a better car, too.

It's clear the visitor does have his skills. However,

I have heard that he throws like a girl and learnt it from his father.

-Are they going to be like this all night?

-Yes.

Do you want to just go bowling, Linda?

Anything to get away from 'em, yeah.

Kids, we're going to go bowling.

Looks like we could be heading for a long, long delay here, Mike.

-Shall I put the football on?

-No, I don't really like sport.

Sorry, Miss, I can't do rounders today.

I've got a bad tummy and I need to stay near a toilet.

Yeah, Miss, I can't do it either.

I've got a...shoulder, I'm afraid.

I don't know if you can see it but it's right at the top of my arm.

Hi, I'm Chad Stevens and I'm here to tell you more of my amazing

time-saving tips on how to save time fast.

Birthdays can take ages. Save time wrapping fiddly gifts.

Just give wrapping paper! It's already wrapped.

Happy birthday, kiddo.

I wanted a games console.

I don't know what that is, but we can learn it together

because we've saved time, and learning is super cool.

# Happy birthday to you... #

There's no time for that.

Job done.

Oh, they're flying a kite.

How sweet.

-They think they're actually flying a kite.

-Do they?

-Would you like a cake?

-Mm.

Do you mind?!

Do you want me to help you?

Oh, right.

There.

Do you think it's still OK to eat these?

Which colour are we again?

Tom and Harry are ordinary teenage boys with an extraordinary dream.

Their dream is to enter the Olympics.

And after weeks of trying,

so far the dream is no nearer to becoming reality.

We still haven't decided what sport to do.

No, we've tried loads of them and it turns out they're quite hard.

It would be a lot easier if we were more like famous athletes.

So we've decided to be more like famous athletes.

Yeah, we're going to do the things that they do.

Like appear on Question Of Sport.

Hey! What if we don't do the Olympics, which looks quite hard,

but just do Question Of Sport, which looks quite easy?

I think you have to win something first.

What? Even Phil Tufnell?

Tom and Harry are determined to prove they've got what it takes.

We've been trying really hard to be like famous athletes,

and this book says that athletes eat a lot of carbohydrates.

So, we've got pasta,

crisps, chocolate....

-And we're going to wear trainers.

-We always wear trainers.

That way, we'll have a head start on all the other athletes.

Nice one. We'll be on Question Of Sport in no time.

Which sport is David Beckham known for?

Why do I always get the hard ones?

I've tried to tell them that athletes get up very early,

but Tom and Harry are getting up just ten minutes before school.

But to be fair, that is quite early for them.

They usually get up five minutes before school.

The boys have been sticking rigorously to their new regime.

Boys, give your mother a hand.

I can't help you bring the shopping in.

It's all wet outside and we can't risk slipping over

-and doing injuries.

-That would mess up our whole training schedule.

We have to look after ourselves now we're being athletes.

Our bodies are pimples, aren't they?

Temples.

That's what I said.

Just one week later,

and Tom and Harry are already excited by their progress.

It says here that athletes have to make sacrifices.

So we've given up something.

Yeah, we've given up PE. We haven't done that at all.

In fact, we're not going to do any sport whatsoever.

We'll be famous athletes in no time.

Question Of Sport, here we come.

Which British city is home to Manchester United?

Oh, you're giving me the hard ones on purpose.

My old running coach, who told me I'd never make it to the Olympics.

Well, in your face, Mr Beamish,

because guess who's going to be at the 100 metres...

selling hot dogs.

Usain Bolt nicked my victory celebration. You know that one?

Yeah, I was going to do that if ever I won a race.

Agh!

I'm so far behind, I really need a strike.

Yeah, good luck with that(!)

Stupid game.

What? Agh!

BOOM

CHEERING

Oh! Ha-ha! Thanks, guys!

And next on Adventure TV, it's our dare-devil presenter

Sheila Brown with her latest incredible challenge.

Well, here we are on top of an 82-storey building.

We're 900 feet high and we're nearly ready to abseil all the way down.

But I'm afraid it's bad news because our trainer Mike

hasn't been able to join us, and for health and safety reasons

the descent can't go ahead without him.

It's a bitter disappointment. I've been looking forward to this...

Sorry I'm late!

Some woman left a message saying it was off!

But I'm here now, so let's get cracking.

You sound really out of breath. Are you OK?

You should see a doctor. Let's do this another time.

-Your health is more important than...

-No, I'm fine.

I've been running up the stairs. I didn't want to miss anything.

I've done the safety checks.

-We've got an eight-mile-an-hour wind which is...

-What?!

Oh, no! That's it, let's call it off.

No, no, no, eight miles an hour is nothing.

It's pretty much perfect conditions, OK?

Now, come on, let's get you over the side.

Oh, I've got the wrong shoes on.

What?

They're too grippy.

Grippy? Erm, it's good to have grip on your shoes. That's great.

Now, come on, let's get you into position.

Please don't throw me off the edge! Please! I'm afraid of heights.

Don't make me, please.

All right, all right, it's OK!

Maybe 82 storeys was too tall on a first descent.

What do you think you can manage?

Well, here we go, abseiling for charity.

Thanks to everyone who supported me.

I couldn't have done this without you behind me.

Well, wish me luck! I'll see you when I finish.

Woo-hoo! I did it! I did it!

I'm queen of the world.

OK. Now let's try it off a ladder.

Don't make me, please! It's too high!

-Do you want some breakfast, love?

-No, I'm exercising.

Suit yourself.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd