Pennod 6 FM

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-Welcome to the show

-and prepare to be entertained.

-I hope you're not too full

-after breakfast...

-..because today's theme is food.

-Today's National Lunch-Box Day.

-Coincidentally, it happens

-to be the Digestive's birthday.

-Happy birthday, lad.

-A lunch-box competition

-will he held...

-..along with

-plenty of biscuit activities.

-I'm crazy, I'm wild, and like

-your favourite biscuit, I'm....

-..nuts!

-What's in your lunch-box, Geth?

-Nothing.

-I'm a school dinners kind of guy.

-Pie, chips and beans. Thanks,

-Auntie Doris. See you tomorrow.

-I'm with you on that. There's

-nothing better than school dinner.

-But a lunch-box'll do as a starter.

-Starter?

-Have you crashed

-another funeral tea?

-No. This is my lunch-box

-for the competition.

-It'd be a shame if I,

-the secret food market guy...

-..didn't win the special prize.

-Help, Tesni.

-What's wrong? Has Deiniol tried

-to give Betsan away in a raffle?

-No. I promised to arrange a prize

-for the best lunch-box competition.

-But I forgot. What can it be?

-Sorry, sorry! Excuse me!

-Um, Betsan?

-Um, Betsan?

-

-Remember when she was the prize...

-..for the hula-hoop contest?

-I remember. It went well.

-The winner

-demanded a new hula hoop afterwards.

-After I stuck the big O to the wall.

-After I stuck the big O to the wall.

-

-The hula hoop was that big O.

-Was it?

-We'll have to think

-of a better prize than Betsan.

-Something someone really wants.

-A day spent with someone popular...

-..talented, good looking...

-I've had an idea.

-Me! I'll be the prize.

-Great idea, eh, Jen?

-Right, fans,

-you're listening to Owsa.

-Today's guests are Tesni and Jen.

-What brings you here?

-We're here to announce

-what the first prize will be...

-..in the lunch-box competition.

-The prize is a day with me.

-Yes, me.

-Lunch-box.

-Gethin!

-Gethin!

-

-I need a lunch-box.

-What's that?

-Miss Dearth.

-Is that meant to be funny?

-Because it's nowhere near

-ugly enough.

-She needs horns.

-Mr Roberts?

-I doubt very much you have time

-to waste in the common room.

-Get back to your classroom...

-..or I'll staple your tie

-to the notice board.

-On my way, Miss Dearth.

-What are you doing, Betsan?

-Homework - my family tree.

-I've found a cool website

-that traces your family tree.

-Who have you found so far?

-Mam, Dad, Nain, Taid...

-..and my other Nain and Taid.

-How much does it cost?

-Only 67.80 so far...

-..but it's not foolproof because

-I can't find Fluffy the bunny...

-..and she's lived with us

-for, like...

-..yonks.

-Deiniol, you have to give me

-your lunch-box.

-No, I don't.

-Yes, you do. First prize

-is a day spent with Tesni.

-Come on,

-you've plenty of food to share.

-No. I want to win the contest too.

-Well, thanks a lot, Deiniol.

-I hope you choke on your Scotch egg.

-Thank you once again to Miss Dearth

-for popping by the studio today.

-How about a few questions

-on today's theme...

-..food?

-There's a questionnaire here

-which'll list your relations.

-I want to do it!

-What's a questionnaire?

-Right.

-There are three general questions.

-Then the computer

-checks the database...

-..and searches for people

-with similar answers.

-Do you understand?

-Do you understand?

-

-No, but never mind.

-Right. Favourite colour?

-Pink, the colour of candy floss,

-Fluffy's nose...

-..and your wee

-when you've eaten too much beetroot.

-What's your favourite biscuit?

-What's your favourite biscuit?

-

-Pink wafer.

-Pink's my favourite colour,

-as you can see.

-Favourite pattern?

-Criss-crosses

-because I like prawn sandwiches.

-That's what they're called

-in chess.

-Do you know what else I like about

-pink wafer? The criss-cross pattern.

-Where would you come in a race?

-Where would you come in a race?

-

-Last.

-Another thing about pink wafer -

-it's the last biscuit in the box.

-I don't like seeing anything

-or anyone coming last.

-Were you listening to the radio

-while answering?

-No. Why?

-No. Why?

-

-Darth Vader gave the same answers.

-Pink, criss-cross and last.

-You gave exactly the same answers.

-Betsan,

-you're related to Miss Dearth.

-O-M-G! O-M-G, I can't believe this!

-You're related to the headmistress.

-You gave the exact same answers.

-It's as if

-you're mother and daughter.

-You think Miss Dearth's my mother?

-The questionnaire says...

-..if you've found

-a perfect match to your answers...

-..the chances of you being related

-are 95.999999972%.

-You're

-a very important person now, Betsan.

-Hey, no running in the corridor!

-Oh, no!

-No, no, no, I'm doomed!

-Bingo!

-What's that?

-A bike. What do you think it is?

-A lunch-box for the competition.

-Are you being sponsored

-by Cling Film?

-No, why? What are you trying to say?

-Nothing.

-It's just a bit extreme, isn't it?

-Do you have OCD?

-Yes, I do.

-But I've been able

-to hide it until today.

-Sit down, Gethin.

-On the sofa.

-I want you all in here, Owain.

-I want your full attention.

-The caretaker has informed me

-of graffiti in the boys' toilets.

-A childish beast

-has drawn a disgusting picture...

-Disgusting.

-..horrible...

-..horrible...

-

-Horrible.

-..insulting...

-So insulting.

-..on the cubicle door.

-It's in your block, lads, so I

-expect you to clean it immediately.

-In the meantime, Mr Roberts will

-hold an enquiry to find the culprit.

-Whoever did it...

-..will have to eat nettles

-in front of the entire school.

-Geth should clean the graffiti

-because he has OCD. He'd enjoy it.

-What?

-You so don't have OCD, Geth.

-I've been in your bedroom. There

-were fleas queuing up to leave.

-Yes, I have.

-I do have OCD. Look.

-Gethin, you have my sympathy.

-My heart goes out

-to fellow sufferers.

-I know those scribbles will be

-removed within the next half hour.

-Yes, Miss.

-Miss! Miss! I think

-graffiti's disgusting too.

-Dad saw some graffiti once...

-Dad saw some graffiti once...

-

-Thinks, Betsan. Yes, I agree.

-Graffiti's disgusting.

-Do you feel

-a certain closeness between us?

-Yes, Betsan.

-Far too much closeness.

-So get out of my way

-and leave me alone!

-Where is it, sir?

-No, nothing there.

-No, nothing there.

-

-Here it is!

-Tut-tut.

-Uh-oh!

-Don't, Deiniol.

-Don't, Deiniol.

-

-HE BREAKS WIND

-High-five, Davo!

-Looking good, Carwyn. Lost weight?

-Cheers, sister.

-How's the headmistress' daughter?

-How's the headmistress' daughter?

-

-Exhausted. The kids are wound up.

-How's your mother,

-the headmistress?

-To tell you the truth, Jen,

-poor Miss Dearth, sorry, Mam...

-..doesn't know we're related.

-I don't know how to tell her.

-I don't know how to tell her.

-

-You should make up for lost time.

-What do mothers do?

-They put pictures on the fridge,

-go and watch their children sing.

-You need to

-fill that empty hole in her life.

-You're right, Jen.

-It won't take me long.

-Brains run in the family.

-What on earth...?

-Hush!

-Hush!

-

-Why are we in here?

-We need privacy

-to discuss the graffiti.

-Any closer to finding the culprit?

-Yes and no.

-Which one, Mr Roberts?

-No.

-Have you quizzed everyone?

-Yes and no.

-Which one?

-No.

-Have you

-searched the toilets for clues?

-No.

-Have you done anything

-about this serious offence...

-..instead of hanging around

-like a ghost picking his nose?

-Come on.

-Where are we going?

-Where are we going?

-

-To the boys' toilets.

-That vandal must've left his mark -

-apart from on the cubicle door.

-Yuck!

-Not that kind of mark.

-I think someone's in there.

-So?

-So?

-Perhaps it's the culprit

-returning to the crime scene.

-That's what they do. I saw it once

-on Crimewatch UK, The Update.

-# Two little dickey birds

-sat upon a wall

-# One named Peter,

-the other named Paul

-# Fly away, Peter, fly away, Paul

-# Come back, Peter,

-come back, Paul #

-I've drawn a picture for you, Miss.

-It's you and me going for a walk.

-I thought you could put it on your

-fridge so it'd remind you of me.

-Maybe I could come over

-one Saturday afternoon?

-If you dared to come over

-to my house, Betsan...

-..I'd put you in the fridge.

-Whoar!

-What are you looking for, Geth?

-Cleaning products.

-Cleaning products.

-

-For what?

-Cleaning the door. The toilet door.

-How can I do it

-without cleaning products?

-Set the door on fire.

-That'd get rid of the graffiti.

-Yes, along with the entire school.

-Mami Dearth didn't take the hint.

-Oh, poor you. Are you OK?

-I don't know how to tell her.

-Think of all the things

-she's missed.

-Like riding a bike and so on.

-That was some weekend.

-The helmet, the knee pads, the pink

-tassels and the stabilisers.

-It's hard to believe

-a year's gone by since then.

-Yes! Yes, Betsan, you're a genius!

-Jen? What's wrong with Betsan?

-She was carrying a nappy

-and a onesie.

-I think she said

-she was going to see Miss Dearth.

-It was hard to understand her

-with a dummy in her mouth.

-Oh, my goodness!

-Uh-oh.

-The basket's empty.

-The basket's empty.

-

-Really?

-I win first prize, then, guaranteed.

-Where's all the food?

-I don't know.

-I thought I had enough.

-The contest is too late in the day.

-The contest is too late in the day.

-

-The contest is at 11.00am.

-Exactly.

-What was I meant to do for brunch?

-I need to find a new lunch-box.

-There must be something here.

-Here's my lunch-box. I'd like

-to enter it in the contest, please.

-Sorry, I can't accept that.

-I don't think...

-..an old banana skin...

-..a rubber...

-..half a sausage roll...

-..and an old pair of pants

-count as a lunch-box, Deins!

-Mam!

-Mam!

-

-Bestan.

-I know it's a shock

-but it makes sense.

-Don't you feel

-a connection between us?

-No.

-No.

-

-Try this then.

-Do you see? It feels so natural.

-I know it makes you happy too.

-We've so much to do.

-We'll have to get to it.

-I want to cram the first four years

-of my life in before tea.

-Shall I change into my onesie?

-Betsan! I've been

-looking for you everywhere.

-What's going on, Jen?

-There's been a misunderstanding.

-Do you think I'm your mother?

-I know you are, Miss.

-I don't think you are.

-There's more chance

-of the Pope being your father...

-..than of me being your mother.

-Do I have two fathers too?

-Who's this Pope fella?

-Betsan, I am not your mother.

-Listen, Betsan...

-..Miss Dearth isn't your mother.

-The thing is...

-..sometimes people make mistakes.

-Remember when you put PVA on your

-sarnie, thinking it was mayonnaise?

-Yes, but I thought

-the 97.9999% questionnaire...

-..proved it was true.

-It was a mistake. Sorry, Betsan.

-But I got on well

-with the other teachers...

-..and the kids were friends with me.

-We're all your friends,

-no matter who you belong to.

-It does matter.

-It won't be the same now.

-Oh, my goodness.

-You'll never believe this.

-I'm related to Owain Glyndwr.

-That's so much better.

-I'm the Queen of Wales!

-Well, Glyndwr was a prince...

-..so, technically,

-you're a princess.

-Oh, yes.

-So Mam's the Queen of Wales then?

-Can I have your attention, please?

-Before I reveal the winner,

-may I just say...

-..a big thank you for

-being asked to judge the contest.

-It's been a privilege and an honour.

-You're meant to clap.

-Thank you.

-Let's get on with the competition.

-It was a popular contest

-with three lunch-boxes entered.

-The standard was high overall...

-..apart from Betsan's pencil case.

-You haven't won, Betsan.

-The winner

-of the grand lunch-box contest...

-..is Geth!

-Yes! Yes!

-You've won. Congratulations.

-Your prize is a day with Tesni.

-My diary's chock-a-block

-at the moment.

-Sorry, Geth.

-Sorry, Geth.

-

-Just one kiss will do...

-..if that's easier, Tesni.

-Pucker up.

-Stop!

-I have to be present for this.

-Of course.

-Here's the champion

-and here's his lunch-box.

-I'm the winner.

-This is my lunch-box.

-I thought I'd left it at home.

-That's Geth's lunch-box,

-the winning lunch-box.

-I spend two hours each morning

-preparing my lunch-box.

-I wash everything 10 times...

-..individually,

-including the grapes.

-So, Sherlock, this belongs to me.

-And this rascal has stolen it.

-Is this true, Geth?

-Yes and no.

-I found it.

-Yes, in my bag.

-Did you find something else

-while you were at it?

-That means I'm the winner. Hooray!

-What's the prize?

-A day with Tesni.

-Oh.

-Is Miss Dearth

-doesn't want the prize...

-..I'll still take a kiss, Tesni.

-The only kiss you'll get is the kiss

-your mother'll give you later.

-I hope for your sake

-that the graffiti's been washed off.

-The thing is, Miss...

-Gethin, you're on the edge

-of a very tall cliff here.

-It's been written

-in permanent marker.

-But don't worry, I've found

-the right stuff to clean it.

-I'll get it off in a minute.

-I'll get it off in a minute.

-

-Well done.

-Can it be used on skin too?

-Oh, flip!

-S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.

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