Episode 3 Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown


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Episode 3

Hacker offers his own weird and wonderful take on yesterday's winter sports action in Pyeongchan.


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Transcript


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Hello!

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Welcome to Wednesday's

Olympic Rundown.

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Society of Orange Beekeepers get

lost in Curling arena.

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Where's my honey?

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One-eyed cartoon ghost

spotted in half-pipe event.

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Tim Warwood deals with

complicated phone number.

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I don't now how to call this one

really.

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And Chinese snowboarder

blocks toilet.

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She's left it all in the pipe here

in Phoenix Park.

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The big story yesterday was Team

GB's Elise Christie missing

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out on a medal in the short

track speed skating.

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Apparently a body part

thief was to blame.

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The Dutch goal floated up the inside

and took her hand.

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Don't worry - the hand

has managed to escape

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and is on it's way back to Elise.

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Go on.

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Get back to Elise, she needs you!

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I really enjoyed the Curling

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yesterday, but - ooh -

the competitors got distracted

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when they saw Sooty's best

friend Sweep in the crowd.

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Sweep!

Sweep!

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Here he is now!

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Sweep!

Sweep!

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Oh forget it!

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The Curling was very

gripping though.

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Switzerland needed a dramatic

U-turn. Always tough on ice.

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You're telling me!

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No "U" are telling me.

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Now get out!

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The other big story was American

snowboarder Chloe Kim winning gold

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in the half-pipe.

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But I thought she might not manage

it - because she hadn't

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had enough to eat.

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You know I was getting really hangry

and my stomach was rumbling.

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That's odd.

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We were told she'd had a big meal.

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She is eating this pipe up for

breakfast.

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All this talk of food has

made me a bit hangry.

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But I'm sticking to good

old cornflakes for MY breakfast.

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They are missing a little

something though...

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I wonder what Snowboarder

Shaun White puts on them?

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He definitely sprinkles pressure on

his breakfast cereal.

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Sounds nice!

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Chloe!

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Don't go eating all that pressure!

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You'll explo...

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EXPLOSION.

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Ooh.

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Apparently Chloe Kim wasn't the only

winner in the half pipe.

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And the final inverted seven, your

Olympic champion.

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And here's your Olympic champion -

that inverted 7 - now!

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But why are you inverted?

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That U was teaching me how

to do a dramatic turn.

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Ooh, it's tough on ice.

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Get out you!

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I got out earlier!

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Oh, yeah!

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Well, you get out as well.

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Don't you hate it when you get

the best view of the track

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in the Luge event, but then

accidentally face the wrong way.

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She is sort of keeping a consistent

line.

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Now I'm pleased to say that everyone

at the Winter Olympics was watching

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my programme yesterday.

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Even Clare Balding tuned in.

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What did you think Clare?

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So distressing to watch that and

hear that.

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Oh, Clare, it's not that bad surely?

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I feel a little bit sick.

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She's got a point!

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Now it's time for my favourite

needlessly long close-up

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of a mitten.

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Hey, did you know that

countries have lungs?

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The nation holds its breath.

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Can I breath out now, Hacker?

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I'm going blue around

the Cairngorms.

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Of course you can.

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You look like you're

under a lot of pressure.

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Chloe!

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Stop eating the nation!

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Before we go, here's the other

big stories of the day.

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Officials run out of money for

medals, so give out animals instead.

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Yesterday, another seven medals were

awarded including gold for Jamie

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Anderson in the winning's 's slate

style.

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Slalom skiier finally learns

how to put clothes on.

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Dresser is off to a good start.

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And Snowboarder Arielle Gold

cleans her protractor too hard.

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You could almost say she has grabbed

a few degrees of the end of it.

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So that only leaves one

question to be answered...

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Are we going to see the ten?

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You certainly are!

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That's too many letter

and number gags for one show.

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Chloe!

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Do the honours.

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Which brings us to a perfectly

logical conclusion for

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another show.

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See you tomorrow!

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