Episode 4 Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown

You all right?

Welcome to my Olympic Rundown.

Today's top stories.

Christopher Dean eats selection

of takeaways before he gets

to studio.

Tell me what impressed you most

today.

The Chinese, clearly.

Canadian skaters can't

reach their meat for dinner.

The stakes are so high for these

two.

And Clare Balding says,

"Hurdy hurdy hurdy"

I've been a bit concerned

that my show's not been going well.

So I asked the snowboarding

commentators to take a

look at today's jokes

before we went on air.

I hope they liked them.

I'm going to rip up this script.

That has gone.

Ah!

Er...

What do I do now, Derek?

Just do what you always do, Hacker.

Talk rubbish for

roughly five minutes.

Oh, and throw in an

occasional talking prop!

Oh, yeah!

Turns out I'm not the only one

having trouble with my script.

Christopher Dean was having

trouble from the get-go.

Well, I was really surprised how

good and technical they were, and

artistic, from the go get.

You got it the round way wrong.

Christopher was there to talk

about the figure skating.

And something very unsavoury

happened before the event.

And Howrah go, she dropped her phone

into a non-flushed toilet. -- one

hour ago.

Urgh!

Unfortunately they couldn't

save the phone, but commentator

Robin Cousins did manage to fish

out her headphones.

They were not the prettiest, or the

cleanest, but they were there.

They were not the prettiest, or

the cleanest, but they were there.

Ooh, I tell you what.

The camera loves Robin Cousins.

Particularly the back of his head.

White two look at his neck. Robin

cousins' neck. I am going to focus

on the back of his ears.

And I'm pleased to say that the back

of Robin Cousins' head joins us now.

Hello, Hacker.

Hello, the back of

Robin Cousins' head.

You do look nice, but I think you're

missing a certain something.

Does anyone have any spare headgear?

Hey, did you notice that the Korean

ice hockey team stopped for a game

of Guess the Drawing halfway

through their match?

Our hidden microphones

picked up everything.

Is it a Gibbon, some ants in a

circle? There are the nasal

passages, and it's lovely eyes.

I was interested to see

this headline yesterday.

I wonder why the men's

snowboard was so cross.

First his helmet, and now me. I have

never been so cross.

I was also surprised to hear

about some of the unusual

staff working at the Olympics.

Is there a nice temperature for

curling?

Yes, and the ice men will

watch it through the games.

I hear those ice men were also

judging the snowboarding.

The judges will be melting.

And I'm about to interview one

of the judges now in our

lovely warm studio.

Ah...

We didn't think this

through, did we?

Regular viewers will be familiar

with ongoing saga of the yellow

square of carpet in the BBC studio.

First Amy Williams

put both feet on it.

Then Christopher Dean

only put one foot on it.

But last night Clare Balding

shunned it completely.

Well, the yellow

carpet is with us now

to tell us its story.

Yellow carpet, you must be feeling

humiliated after such a public snub?

I just want Clare

to make an apology.

Clare, anything to say?

Heard eat, her be.

That's good enough for me.

Bye.

Now it's time for my favourite

over-the-top reaction

to the words "first run".

First run!

Now, everyone, I'm pleased to report

my fleas have finally gone.

I think I last had them

when I was sitting on the left

sleeve of a cream and orange jumper

with a zigzag pattern on it.

Aah!

Skating commentator Katherine Downes

there, enjoying a nice

cup of tea with Robin

Cousins from earlier.

How many complaints

did we get though?

It is a big number.

I know what will win everyone round.

Clare, will you finish off the show

with your new party piece?

Elbows like this, and elbows like

this. Elbows like this, elbows like

this.

See you tomorrow!