Episode 6 Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown


Episode 6

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Transcript


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Hello.

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Welcome to my Winter

Olympic Rundown.

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Today's top stories.

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Chemmy Alcott surprised to find

hands at the end of her arms.

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I have got arms!

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Belarussian skiier installs

sink at top of stairs.

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He has convinced himself on the

landing.

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And rubbish bin joins

Slovenia's Ice Hockey team.

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Can I play, lads? I want to join in!

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The big news from the weekend

was Team GB'S Lizzy Yarnold

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winning our first Gold Medal

in the Skeleton.

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That is a gold-medal winning run.

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I was very impressed

with her vocal skills though.

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Did you know she can do

an impression of a full orchestra

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playing the National Anthem?

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I've been practising,

but I can only manage this.

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HACKER MIMES TO TERRY & JUNE THEME.

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Anyway, I was surprised to see

MasterChef judge Gregg Wallace

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presenting Lizzy with her medal.

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Medal ceremonies don't get tougher

than this!

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Being a foodie, Gregg

was particularly impressed that

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Lizzy carried a bag full of herbs

with her during her run.

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She had so much thyme in her bag to

be able to play with.

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Oh, yes, Thyme is a great

herb to play with!

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Bishop nine to rook four.

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Your move, Thyme.

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THYME:

Checkmate!

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Aargh!

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Meanwhile, Lizzy's team mate

Laura Deas won Bronze.

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This medal has got big, meaty honest

flavours.

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She would have done even better

if she didn't have a hole

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in HER bag of herbs.

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She was slowly losing thyme at the

fair that she got down the track

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towards the bottom.

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Laura's mum was planning

to watch her run, but she got

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distracted by an episode

of THIS programme.

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I did know whether to be sick or cry

or both. It was just ghastly!

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There was another medal for Team GB

this weekend when Izzy Atkin won

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Bronze in the Women's Slopestyle.

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Her team mate Katie Summerhayes

didn't make it onto the podium,

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but she wasn't too bothered.

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In fact, her ski seemed

more upset than she was.

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SKI WEEPS.

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I'm distraught that is not on the

podium!

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HACKER'S STOMACH RUMBLES.

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I'm very sorry everyone,

but I'm feeling a bit peckish.

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I don't know what to

have for my tea.

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A pinch of attitude.

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One slice of style.

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Large portion of air.

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A handful of ski.

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I can't help thinking it

needs something else.

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I know, Thyme!

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THYME:

Not likely!

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I haven't got time for this.

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Very good.

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Now get out!

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Next, it's my favourite

awkward double thumbs-up

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after your name is mentioned.

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Alex Kimber from 2000 to.

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This weekend I really enjoyed...

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I've not even got any thumbs!

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This weekend I really

enjoyed Tim Warwood

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and Ed Leigh's commentary.

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They're VERY insightful.

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Now he is poised to strike.

Yeah,

he's like a wild Cobra.

Is there

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such a thing as a tame Cobra?

They

are right. I've got a tame Cobra

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with me right now.

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COBRA:

Actually, Hacker, I'm wild!

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Are you?

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Yes, absolutely livid!

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Why?

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Because that bunch of Thyme

beat me in a game of chess!

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Onto the ski jumping now and

Norway's Robert Johannsen was back.

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And it sounds like he's been

growing his facial hair even longer.

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Here it is, the moustache felt

around the world.

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Oooh, feels very nice.

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Right, off to your next stop

on your world tour - Bolivia.

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Oh, yes, must dash!

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Bye!

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Before I go, I want to say a big

congratulations to Clare Balding

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for being elected Mayor

of the BBC studio.

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Skiing...

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Skiing...

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Ooh, look at her majestic chain!

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That about to tarnish.

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That about to tarnish.

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Right, that's all for today,

because unfortunately

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time's running out.

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THYME:

That cobra's after me!

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Which leaves me with

just one thing to say.

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HACKER MIMES TO TERRY & JUNE THEME.

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Bye!

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