Episode 7 Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown

Cold sports!

Y'alright, everyone!

This is Tuesday's

Winter Olympic Rundown.

Today's top stories...

Korean bobsledder uses

invisible crystal ball.

I predict I will drop the ball on

the floor.

Robin Cousins offers thoughts

on Anna Cappellini's pink dress.

It suits him better than it does

Anna.

And rabbit spotted in curling

arena The big news -

And rabbit spotted in curling arena.

The big news - it was a dead heat

for gold between Germany and Canada

in the two-man bob.

That is absolutely extraordinary.

And I think I know the reason

why Team GB didn't win.

Here is Great Britain. He has got

all of Great Britain behind him.

Yes, it really is distracting having

all of Great Britain behind you.

Hacker!

Can you lend me a tenner?

I'm going to the pictures

with Switzerland and Bulgaria!

Get out of it "all

of Great Britain".

I'm telling Papua

New Guinea about this!

Whatever!

I was interested to hear this

yesterday from Jenny Jones.

For the first time ever big air is

in the Olympics.

You're telling me!

It's all about big "facial 'air".

They've even given ski jumper

Robert Johannsen an award

for his massive moustache.

It was good. It was long. It was

clean. It had everything it needed

to win a gold medal.

Now, does anyone know what "second

place" means in German?

Second place. Rats is the

translation!

Oooooh...

I think there's a "second

place" on my desk.

No, that's just my moustache!

No worries, Robert Johannsen,

from slightly earlier.

Curling now.

It's a real game of strategy -

where you've got to keep your

tactics to yourself.

Well, here's an exclusive...

Our hidden microphones have recorded

some of Team GB's secret,

hushed discussions.

Sshhh.

We need more of an idea about what

is going on up this line. If you

touch this or touch this...

Ooooh, how subtle.

Now, isn't the name Rhona

really easy to pronounce.

And very warm welcome to Rhony...

I was very impressed with Rhony...

Rhonow...

But I think she could have said

the word "hog line" a bit more..

When it reaches the hog line you can

double tap the handle. But you

should release the stone before the

hog line. But her finger touched at

the back of it just before it passed

the hog line.

But I still don't know

what a hog line is!

Now, time for my favourite

commentator using the word capable,

then quickly proving

to be incapable.

Now it is time to hand you back to

the very capable hands of...

Breaking news..

There's been a spate of medal

thefts at the Games.

The first suspect was this skier...

Oh, my goodness. She has almost got

the key to the safe that contains

the gold medal.

Don't worry, she almost got

them, but she didn't.

Then the finger pointed

at my old mate Alan Reliability.

I hope he's got an alibi!

Mr reliability hasn't been anywhere

near the medals.

I wonder who it was then?!

I can't even describe what it was

like for her to bring home the those

gold medals for Great Britain.

Amy Williams!

You're a disgrace!

I must say, the Winter Olympics has

really got me wanting

to take up Ski Jumping.

I wonder how you do it?

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Simple!

What next?

Throw yourself down the hundred

metre track and launch.

You're alright...

There must be a sport

that suits me, though?

We have got with us a world-class

pilot himself and a bronze medallist

in waiting.

He's got a bronze medal

just for waiting?

I could get at least

a silver for that.

HE WHISTLES.

And in the Waiting event,

second place - or "rats"

for all you Germans -

goes to Hacker the Dog.

Here you go Hacker!

Ooh, thanks medal thief

Amy Williams, from earlier!

Ooh, heck...

Medal thief?

SIRENS BLARE.

Oh no, the fuzz will be after me!

There it goes now!

Which neatly rounds

up another programme.