Episode 9 Hacker's Winter Olympic Rundown


Episode 9

Missed yesterday's sporting action from Pyeongchang? Don't worry - Hacker T Dog is ready to sum up the coverage, in his own special way!


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Transcript


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Huzzah!

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My Winter Olympic Rundown is back!

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Today's top stories...

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Skier does impression of alien.

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I'm an alien!

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German bobsleigh coaches take part

in trampolining event.

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And women rub skater's

head for luck.

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The big news - US skier Lindsey Vonn

missed out on a gold

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in the women's downhill.

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It was her own fault, though.

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She has left the door open for other

people to come and push her off that

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podium.

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You'd never catch me leaving

a door open while I'm on a

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podium.

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Anyway, Lindsey was beaten by...

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DOOR CREAKS.

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Oh!

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I mustn't have double

locked the door!

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Anyway, Lindsey was beaten

by Italy's Sophia Goggia,

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who was feeling the effects

of a large vegetable curry she had

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just before the race.

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Sophia Goggia, her main rival, has a

storming bottom section.

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Ooh, I know how she feels.

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I've got a storming

bottom section myself.

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HACKER TRUMPS.

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In fact, I did my

business all over the

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snowboarding course.

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Luckily, one of the competitors has

promised to sort it out for me.

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He is going to clean this up.

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Thanks for sorting that out.

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It was a right, er...

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What's the word, Jayne Torvill?

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Splatfest.

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It was a right splatfest.

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Sophia Goggia was really belting out

a tune on the podium.

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Our hidden microphones picked up

exactly what she was

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singing.

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# I've got a storming bottom section

and I shall push you up the podium.

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Downhill champion

Sophia Goggia there.

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And talking of things

going downhill quickly,

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here's my producer, Derek.

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Ho-hoo!

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Thanks, Hacker.

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I thought the viewers

would like to see this

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state-of-the-art graphic.

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Ooh, lovely!

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Is that the skiing course?

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No, it's the ratings for this

episode of Hacker's Winter

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Olympic Rundown.

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Did you notice the new Union Jack

hairstyle that's all the

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rage?

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I get more stressed than he does!

That is a nice haircut.

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I thought I'd nip to the barbers

and treat myself to one!

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I feel so patriotic now.

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I think I'll just lean against this

podium and hope that

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nothing comedically

untoward happens.

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He is going to open the door!

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Oh no...

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DOOR CREAKS OPEN.

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Time now for my favourite overuse

of the word "better" of

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the day.

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It is better! It is better! Better!

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Curling and Team GB had an

interesting opponent.

Eve Muirhead

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has played a cracker. And we are

played -- joined by bad cracker.

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Hello, that cracker!

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What can you tell us about the game?

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Well, I nearly went

to pieces several times.

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But luckily my team-mate

was there to help me.

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Ooh, who was your team-mate?

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That was a peach.

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Get out, both of you!

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All this talk of foodstuffs

is making me hungry.

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I know, I'll put on the Men's Ski

Cross to take my mind off

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it.

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They are lining up. Bischofberger...

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Mmm...

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Bischofberger!

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Oh!

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I know...

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I'll just focus on the crowds.

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There can't possibly be any

food references there.

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Ooh, USA women rock!

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Yes, I love USA women rock!

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It's my favourite flavour of rock.

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And I've got some Austrian men candy

floss to go with it!

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Sorry, this is all getting a bit

silly now, isn't it?

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Get on with it.

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Alright, Clare and Rhona!

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Ahem.

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Now I enjoyed watching

the "Conga on Ice" event

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yesterday.

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# Come on and do the conga...

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Isn't it funny the things

you learn from Clare Balding?

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The mod is scientifically proven to

be the fastest hairstyle. -- the

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mullet.

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That's all very well,

but let's carry out our own

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scientific experiment to see

if the mullet can beat the

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newest haircut on the block -

the Union Jack.

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Congratulations, Union Jack -

you'll be taking your place on

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the podium.

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And that's all we've

got time for today.

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He is going to open the door...

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Ooh!

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I've fallen on me bottom section!

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Bye!

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