The Day I Flunked Chemistry Hank Zipzer


The Day I Flunked Chemistry

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Transcript


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Everybody, remain calm!

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I'm Hank Zipzer, the world's greatest underachiever.

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And this is what happens when I try and make friends.

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Brain, remind me how I got here?

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Oh, yeah, that's right - chemistry.

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A subject I'm the world's biggest genius at failing.

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Have you listened to a single word I've just said?

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Sorry, Miss. Maybe you could try speaking up a bit?

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I hope you're feeling equally clever in tomorrow's chemistry exam.

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Exam?

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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What kind of evil genius sets an exam for the middle of term?

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It's just three practicals - testing for starch,

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heating iron and sulphur and combustion.

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Uh-oh. I think my head just combusted.

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Hank, that's medically impossible.

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Unless you boil it in oil or stick it in a really hot fire.

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Chill your boots, dude. You can revise with me.

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Thanks, Frankie.

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Hey, Zipzer, don't try anything too hard,

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like spelling your own name or counting your own feet!

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The things I'd do to McKelty if I had a magic shrinking ray.

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But instead, I have to get my own back - Zipzer-style.

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OK, Nick, as long as you don't try anything too hard,

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like being funny or growing a personality.

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Fortunately, after chemistry, we have music.

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Finally, a subject I always come top of the class in.

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HE PLAYS A ROCKING TUNE

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Well, usually.

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THAT'S how you play the guitar. Wow! That was fanta...

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You nearly melted my face!

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All right, this is Ben - hello, Ben!

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ALL: Hello, Ben.

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Ben is going to be with us for about a week, his mum is a musician,

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she's playing in town. I want you to invite him into the group.

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Ben, that was great.

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Erm, would you like me to show you around school or...

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Or during school, or before...before school? Cos I'm free.

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Guys, we should ask him if he wants to be in our group.

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Yeah, why not?

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What's up with his hairstyle? It looks like Mr Whippy.

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I know. I could almost reach out and lick it.

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I was just saying to Ben, that guitar solo was fresh.

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Yeah. Why don't you show us what you can do on the drums?

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-They're not really my thing.

-Come on. I bet you're amazing.

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Yeah, but not as amazing as this.

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I meant to do that.

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Nice. I've never seen anyone play the cymbal with their head before.

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I see myself as a breaker of moulds, a ripper-upper of rule books.

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Can you jam?

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I'm a jar of jam. I'm 90% strawberry.

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One, two, three, four...

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THEY PLAY A ROCKING TUNE TOGETHER

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Lesson time.

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THE LOUD MUSIC FILTERS DOWN THE HALL

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What on earth...?

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Can someone please explain this assault on my ears?!

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I can. It's called the sweet sound of learning.

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Really? Because it sounds more like a riot to me.

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Oh. Henry Zipzer. I might have known.

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I wasn't... OK, just give me detention and get it over with.

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It's my fault. I'm new here. I didn't realise we were being loud.

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It won't happen again, I promise.

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Well, someone in this school has some manners.

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-Mr Rock?

-Yes!

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We've had words about that drumkit before.

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-We have.

-Hmm.

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Is it possible that those words were "awesome" and "great"?

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No, they were "awful" and "hate".

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Of course they were.

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If I hear one more decibel of percussive racket,

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I shall be forced to take steps.

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Well, that was certainly loud, wasn't it!?

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Wow.

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That was really cool, you know. Thanks.

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It's all right. Can't have you in detention.

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Else who would I hang out with for the rest of the day?

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Y-You mean you want to hang out with me?

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I mean, you want to hang out with me. Obviously.

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Wow, Hank's getting really pally with Ben.

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And what's he done to his hair?

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Yeah. It looks better on Ben.

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Yoo-hoo!

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-Sorry!

-I guess I'll sit here, then.

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ALL: Hi.

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So, what's the plan for the rest of the day, Zipzerino?

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Well, I thought I'd mud-wrestle a lion

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and then jump off the science block with a firework stuck up my bum.

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-Awesome.

-Awesome.

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Or maybe I'll just have to sit through an hour of totally boring

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double maths.

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Oi, new boy. I see you're still baby-sitting the class loser.

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I think the loser's the guy with the chocolate milk moustache.

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You won't be laughing so hard when you flunk the chemistry exam,

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brain-flake.

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Guess what? If there's an exam for best comeback, you'd fail.

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Like you'd have a problem with some stupid chemistry exam.

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-Easy for a genius like you.

-True.

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I know. He just called me a genius. No-one ever calls me a genius.

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And that's not an easy title to give up.

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More potential new parents visiting today, Miss Adolf.

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Word is one of them has a child genius

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and Eastbrook Academy have already sent them a gift basket.

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This is war!

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I quite understand.

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I shall make sure all the pupils are on their best behaviour.

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-Good.

-For you...headmaster.

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Yeah...

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-Mr Love.

-Mr Rock.

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Uh, excuse me, Miss A, all right, the game is up.

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Where is my drumkit?

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What on earth are you talking about?

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OK, I'll tell you what I'm talking about.

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If you tell me where my drumkit is I will not tell Mr Love

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that you stole school property.

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Is that a threat?

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Mmm...yes, it is.

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Ooh!

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Right. Well, that is a very serious allegation.

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And if you go to the headmaster, I shall go to the school governors.

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There, my threat's better than yours.

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-Could you at least tell me where my sticks are?

-Agh!

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Oh, there they are, attached to your broomstick. Thank you.

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I'm not even going to respond.

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And we hitch-hiked the whole way across California in a Vee Dub.

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It was crazy.

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Man, your life is cooler than the North Pole! See you tomorrow?

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My mum's rehearsing till late. Why don't I come over to yours?

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I could help you wrestle that lion?

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You don't want to come to mine. My family are boring.

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And by "boring," read "weirder than a badger snorkelling through soup."

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But I've been talking about myself all day.

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I feel like I don't know anything about you.

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OK, but I warn you, my mum will try to feed you.

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I like her already.

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But you've got to get ready for the test.

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You know how you get with letters and numbers.

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Yeah, come and find me after dinner, OK?

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Frankie has got a point, though.

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I do know how I get with letters and numbers.

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But I don't want Ben to know.

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He's the only person who thinks I'm actually normal.

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Oh, isn't he handsome?

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And look at his hair, so luxuriant.

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Your mum must feed you plenty of olive oil, huh?

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Oh, Hank, you've got a bit of tomato on your chin.

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Eight letters, starts with a V, volcano that destroyed Pompeii?

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Stan, please don't be dull.

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And Pop, can you put your shirt back on?

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I took it off so I don't spill sauce on it.

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Emily, what did I say about no Katherine at the table

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when we've got guests?

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She's wearing a bib.

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-At least she hasn't got a wooden spoon behind her ear.

-Oh!

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Ah, I've been looking for that. Ha!

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Vesuvius! Ha-ha. Get in!

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Sorry about my family.

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It's cool. So your dad likes crosswords?

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Likes 'em? I do two a day, every day.

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It's athletics for the mind.

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Dad's a sports journalist. He thinks eating is athletics for the mouth.

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So what's the next clue?

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The shortest river in Europe.

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-The Volga!

-No, Emily. Shortest, not longest.

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It's the Reprua River.

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Yeah, you're right! Very impressive.

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Don't worry, Mrs Zipzer. I'll take the plates.

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Well! Well, Geography's one thing, but a boy who offers help,

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that's very impressive.

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Oh, hang on, don't you two have homework?

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Hey! He's just met a new friend!

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You can let him off homework one night in his life, can't you?

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Go on, go to the den. Have fun, live life, be free!

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Wait. Did my dad just tell me to have fun?

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Go on, have fun. Live life, be free!

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Quick, before he changes his mind!

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Typical Hank. Late again.

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-Frankie.

-Yeah?

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You know when you're playing Goblin Smackdown?

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-Uh-huh?

-And you want to ask another orc to come on a mission with you?

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THAT wouldn't happen.

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Lord Frankie Goblin-smiter is a one-man band of hurts.

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But theoretically, what would you do?

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Just mosey up to them, take my broadsword out of my belt and say,

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"Accompany me on a quest, knave, or I'll splice thee in twain."

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What if they say no?

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It never happens. Cos I'm a big bad orc lord with serious swagger.

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But what if you really liked this orc,

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and you'd be gutted if he turned you down?

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Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. You just have to be brave.

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Thanks, Frankie. I've got to go and get ready for tomorrow.

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Yeah, and I've got to go and find Hank.

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Hang on - were we really talking about orcs just then,

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or were we actually talking about something else?

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Right, got to go! Bye!

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-FROM INSIDE:

-Ahhh!

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Gotcha, Zip!

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Ahhh! You're really, like, the King of the Goblins.

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You could give Frankie a run for his money.

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Ohh!

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Ohh!

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As you can see from the figures, Eastbrook Academy is slightly ahead

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in the league tables, but, oh, we exceed them

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in so many areas, you know, sort of staff, equipment erm, we...

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Toosh-to-to! Toosh-to-to! Toosh-to-to!

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Hey, Mr Love, how are ya?

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Drumkit was stolen. I'm improvising.

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-Let's move on, shall we?

-Want to play the flute?

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Did I mention we're adding mime to the curriculum?

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Which is... Er, this way.

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Aah!

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Sorry. Stupid place to put a bag. What's up?

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Ben, I just wondered maybe

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if you wanted to maybe... not go out, exactly, but...

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-What?

-Hey! Benny-boy!

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That was an awesome game last night, you totally thrashed me.

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-Brilliant! Thanks, Hank.

-What?

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Class, the chemistry exam starts in two minutes and eight seconds.

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Pairs, please.

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-Maybe we could...

-Partners, Benster?

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Awesome, Hankolini.

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Guess we're partners then.

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Safety is vital,

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so I want one of you in charge of the practical

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and one of you in charge of the write-up.

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You handle the figures? My handwriting is terrible.

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Uh-oh.

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Sure. Except these practicals are really complicated.

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-How about I should do the science part, since you're new?

-Thanks.

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No biggie. Let me just check the old textbook.

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I just need to go and check on Ashley, she gets nervous in tests.

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Dude, you've got to help me.

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You didn't seem that bothered about helping me.

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Help me, Ashley's being weird.

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I wonder why?

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Come on, you're my best friend. You've got to help me.

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HE SIGHS

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Everything all right?

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Yup. Magnifico. Just need to put on my goggles.

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Wrong way up, loser.

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You have 53 seconds to complete the first experiment.

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OK. I can do this.

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Right, I just need a bit of that... I-something.

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Ah.

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A little bit more won't hurt, surely?

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This chemistry stuff's easy.

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Time's up! Well, that all went rather well.

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And now if you'd like to follow me, we'll now make our way to the

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science labs, which are state-of-the-art.

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Miss! Miss, look!

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What on earth...?

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Oh!

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Ooh! Huh! Huh!

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SHE GASPS

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OK, brain, listen.

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I know me and you haven't always got along,

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but now, I promise if you help me out I will do homework every night

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for the rest of my life.

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STUDENTS SCREAM

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You, open the windows! And you, open the door!

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Everyone move to the exit.

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Who knew? I'm actually quite good at this.

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Come on! Come on! Let's go! Come on!

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We're particularly proud

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of the high standard of our science teaching, which we...

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STUDENTS COUGHING

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Everybody, remain calm!

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It's just a drill! A very realistic drill.

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Mr Rock! There's been an accident.

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What's going on, Hank?

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Miss Adolf, she's in there, we need to rescue her.

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We do?

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Er, we do. OK, you stay here, do not move.

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Miss Adolf! Miss Adolf!

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Where are you? Miss Adolf!

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Can you hear me?

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I'll get you out of here.

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Here we go.

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Right, OK!

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Come on.

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Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

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Ohh...

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Excuse me. Huh!

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Well, I hope you had fun playing my drumkit.

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All right, come on.

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Come on, toots.

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You drumkit thief!

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Ashley, you don't need to take my pulse again.

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But you might be in shock.

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True. Maybe you could give me some counselling later...over a burger?

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I don't know, I'm actually kind of busy with school stuff.

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But maybe I could find a gap in my schedule.

0:18:100:18:13

Seems like someone mixed up iron with iodine.

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Without that boy's quick thinking evacuating everyone,

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it could have been a lot more serious.

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Who'd have thought it? Hank Zipzer doing the school proud, for once.

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Mr Love, I found this in the chemistry cupboard.

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What's all this purple stuff?

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-Iodine.

-Let's see who this belongs to, shall we?

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Could be anyone's.

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"Property of Hank Zipzer."

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Or it could be Hank's...

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God, I don't belie...

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Oh! Ugh!

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Hank Zipzer!

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I'll give that boy a detention!

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So I have trouble with letters and numbers.

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Why didn't you tell me?

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Well, I didn't want you to think I was thick.

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So instead, you decided to gas the whole school?

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Right, Henry, your parents will be here shortly.

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Ben, your mother's still in a rehearsal,

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so I'll be speaking to her when she's free.

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Lucky you. Wish my parents weren't coming.

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I wish my parents were your parents.

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But your mum's a musician. That's the coolest thing ever.

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Yeah.

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Having to live in hotels, make a new bunch of friends every week.

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-Really cool(!)

-You made it sound so awesome.

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You're not the only one who exaggerates.

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Your life's pretty good, you know, Hank.

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Yeah, you're right. It is.

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Henry!

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HENRY!

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Well, sort of.

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Henry! If you think I'm angry, you should see your father!

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All of a sudden I'm running down the hallway, I have to make a pee-pee

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but it's OK. I feel like a superhero, come swooping in,

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I throw Miss Adolf over my shoulder and she is kicking and screaming,

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her hair's all over the place and we start running for the exit.

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We get out of the exit...

0:20:190:20:20

MISS ADOLF CLEARS HER THROAT

0:20:200:20:23

Hi. I was just telling the children about the evacuation procedure.

0:20:230:20:29

-So I hear.

-Yeah.

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Children, out.

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-I need to talk to Mr Rock.

-All right.

0:20:320:20:34

I, er, just wanted to say...

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..thank you.

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-You talkin' to me?

-Thank you. For saving me.

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Excuse me. Well, that's lovely,

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except you should be thanking Hank Zipzer.

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-Henry Zipzer?

-Mm-hm.

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But the accident was his fault in the first place.

0:20:580:21:00

Well, fair enough, but he was the one that organised the rescue.

0:21:000:21:04

If it wasn't for him you'd be in the hospital now,

0:21:040:21:06

all black, blue, yellow and purple.

0:21:060:21:07

Well, I mean...

0:21:070:21:09

Yeah, I don't know, and my drumkit made it out all right, too.

0:21:090:21:12

Any idea how it happened to be in your classroom?

0:21:120:21:15

Are you going to tell Mr Love?

0:21:160:21:17

That all depends on what you tell him!

0:21:170:21:19

Suspend him for a week? It was an innocent mistake.

0:21:220:21:25

I thought you were a good influence.

0:21:250:21:27

Don't blame him.

0:21:270:21:28

You're the one who told me not to do my homework.

0:21:280:21:30

Only because your mother's always telling me I should go easy on you.

0:21:300:21:33

-Oh! So it's my fault now?

-Well, it's not my fault.

0:21:330:21:36

-Well, whose fault is...

-Excuse me.

0:21:360:21:38

Er, can this wait, Miss Adolf? I'm dealing with Henry.

0:21:380:21:40

It... It's Henry I want to see.

0:21:400:21:43

I just wanted to say...

0:21:430:21:45

Thank you, Henry.

0:21:470:21:49

What?

0:21:490:21:51

For saving me.

0:21:510:21:52

As the accident happened in my classroom, I take...

0:21:520:21:55

full responsibility.

0:21:550:21:58

See? My son is innocent.

0:22:000:22:02

Are you sure, Miss Adolf?

0:22:020:22:05

It was my lesson and I should have given them proper safety training.

0:22:070:22:10

So, under the circumstances, I think a verbal warning will suffice.

0:22:100:22:15

Well, in that case, erm...

0:22:160:22:18

Ben, Henry, you're free to go.

0:22:180:22:23

Thank you.

0:22:230:22:24

Miss Adolf, sticking up for me?

0:22:240:22:26

-Who'd have thought this day could get any weirder?

-Thank you.

0:22:260:22:29

So, you guys want to come round for dinner tonight?

0:22:410:22:44

-We're going for a burger.

-Wicked. I'm starving.

0:22:440:22:46

Just me and Ashley.

0:22:460:22:47

Oh.

0:22:480:22:49

Ohhhh!

0:22:510:22:53

So that's why Ashley was always upset

0:22:530:22:55

I was hanging out with Ben all the time.

0:22:550:22:56

Wait, you're upset too?

0:22:580:23:01

Have I been the biggest idiot in the whole world?

0:23:010:23:03

Not the biggest, but probably top three.

0:23:030:23:06

I'm sorry, Frankie. How can I make it up to you?

0:23:060:23:09

Come back to the den and let me beat you at Goblin Smackdown?

0:23:090:23:12

Deal.

0:23:120:23:13

MISS ADOLF: You'll be in detention! I've told you that before.

0:23:130:23:16

Get it in the bin immediately.

0:23:160:23:19

That's enough!

0:23:190:23:20

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

0:23:200:23:23

Right!

0:23:230:23:24

That man is not professional!

0:23:250:23:28

Ahhh!

0:23:300:23:31

School report day.

0:23:310:23:33

This is the worst report I've ever had.

0:23:340:23:36

Howdy! I'm Bob Bing, the sausage king.

0:23:360:23:39

Bob Bing! Those people liked my mortadella?

0:23:390:23:42

What have you done?

0:23:420:23:43

I changed the mortadella recipe last month without telling Pop.

0:23:430:23:47

-What have you got behind your back?

-Nothing.

0:23:470:23:49

Give me that report.

0:23:490:23:51

I'm saved...

0:23:510:23:53

but now I don't have a school report.

0:23:530:23:55

Tomorrow, Bob Bing is going to taste my mortadella.

0:23:550:23:59

I switched Papa Pete's mortadella with mine.

0:23:590:24:02

You can see bits of the report. Does that say Lazy?

0:24:020:24:04

He'll think that Bob Bing is tasting his,

0:24:040:24:07

but really it'll be my new recipe.

0:24:070:24:09

I've got to stop Bob Bing from eating that mortadella.

0:24:090:24:11

You have made one before? Right.

0:24:110:24:12

It's a big fat sausage. How hard can it be?

0:24:120:24:14

What in all that's holy is going on here?

0:24:140:24:17

-BOTH:

-I can explain!

0:24:170:24:18

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