School Sleepover Hank Zipzer

I'll admit it, some of my schemes are a little...crazy,

like right now.

It's the middle of night, I'm in school, in my pyjamas,

with a hammer in my hand.

But this time it looks like my plan's actually going to work.

Argh!

Or maybe not.

It all started out so well.

You know what, I'm starting to think I've been wrong about school.

-It's brilliant.

-This sudden change of heart wouldn't be because there's

a school sleepover tomorrow, would it?

Mr Rock's Outside-In Campsite. It's going to be amazing!

-Even Emily's excited.

-I'm going to be in my favourite place

all night, with unlimited access to all the educational resources.

Just not for the right reasons.

Well, remember what else is happening this weekend.

Yeah, it's the all-you-can-eat marathon at Happy Burger!

No, it's Mother's Day and this year we are going to give your mum a day

-she deserves, unlike last year.

-Why? What happened last year?

-Exactly. You forgot, remember?

-Oh.

-Anyway,

I want the whole weekend to be special for Mum

and I want it to be a surprise,

so while you two are on your sleepover...

You mean "overnight educational experience".

..while you're away, I am going to make her a lovely meal.

Not your Spaghetti Surprise again?

-What's wrong with that?

-Ugh!

The only thing surprise about it would be if you DIDN'T make it.

Well, that's why I'm not going to, clever clogs.

I am going to put together a menu to knock her socks off and, on Sunday,

she's going to have a lazy morning until you two come home and give her

her present. You have got her a present, haven't you?

Yes, of course. It's a surprise.

Good girl. What about you, Hank?

Same. It's a surprise.

Why is it when Emily says, "It's a surprise", I'm fine,

but when you say it, I get palpitations?

No, really! I'm making her something in design technology.

-Finishing it off today.

-It's not that I don't trust you or anything,

but...why don't you get some extra pocket money and go and buy her

-a back-up present?

-I don't need to.

-Just in case.

OK, thanks.

Oh, and remember Mum's the word, literally!

Hello, Vivian. I see you've progressed from the recorder.

One parp for yes, two for no.

ONE PARP

Something's wrong. He's never normally happy about school.

Maybe they replaced him with a clone.

It's because there's only one day and three quarters

till the sponsored sleepover.

Better still, I've got all this to spend on supplies.

Knowing you, you'll eat them all on the way to school.

-ONE PARP

-See? Even Vivian agrees!

Turns out Vivian was right.

So far, the school's fundraising activities have generated

over £2,000.

-Wow!

-Please stop!

To conclude this week's activities, and against my better judgment,

we have Mr Rock's Outside-In Campsite...

MR LOVE GROANS

OK, thank you so much, Headmaster Joy.

This is going to make your heart pitter-patter.

Here we have the Outside-In Camp.

The kidlets will come in and they're going to be under

the branches of a big oak tree and they're going to set up their tents

right about here.

After dinner, they're going to toast marshmallows

and there is a bucking bronco.

Now, it has no legs, but, boy, can it buck!

And then, to end off, a water slide!

We've got ahead of ourselves there! No, no, no and no!

It's bad enough that they're sleeping here.

Mr Rock, are you sure you're up to the task of overseeing this event on

-your own?

-Of course I'm up to the task,

or I wouldn't have asked to be in charge!

But it's my school!

And I want it still standing when you're finished.

Well, I understand what you're saying here, Mr Killjoy.

-Sorry?!

-I said...

I... I... That makes two of us.

Did I explain the ice-cream truck?

You know when you're looking forward to something, like the sleepover,

time just seems to go into slo-o-o-o-o-ow...motion?

Oh, well, at least we've got design tech now, and you're going to love

-Mr Lockjaw.

-Quieten down, class.

I'm afraid Mr Lockshaw can't be here today due to an unfortunate incident

involving a toupee and a glue gun, so I will be supervising.

CHILDREN GROAN

Now, I understand you all have assignments to finish.

Well, get on with it!

See? I told Dad I wasn't lying.

It's a spice rack. Mum's going to love it.

Congratulations, Zitzer.

You've made a few sticks with a lump of glue.

What have you made, McKelty?

A box to keep your King of the Creeps crown in?

At least mine looks good.

Yours looks like it's about to fall apart.

Oh, yeah? A tank could run over this.

-Prove it!

-I will.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

No, but...it's McKelty.

See?

Argh! For pity's sake!

-What on Earth?

-It was Henry Zipzer, Miss.

-He stood on his spice rack.

-Having been provided with a brain, Henry,

it would be nice to see you use it occasionally.

But, Miss, that's my Mother's Day present. I need to fix it.

Trust me, Henry, your mother will thank me.

-But, Miss...

-You'll be too busy anyway,

in detention for disrupting the class - again!

-Well, at least no-one was hurt.

-What am I going to do?

I've got no present and I've already spent all the money.

Good news is, I found some money down the sofa.

Bad news is, it's chocolate.

-Actually, not all bad news.

-Anyone seen my keys? I'm late.

-Better get going, then.

-Oh, OK.

Right, kids, are you excited about this weekend?

After all, it is a very, very special weekend.

Well, it's just a sleepover, that's all.

-That's all?

-There's nothing else special happening this weekend?

-Hank? Emily?

-No.

-Hm...

OK, all right, well, I'd better get off.

Bye, Mum.

OK, Team Zipzer is good to go.

Now, we're playing for the win, not to draw, OK? So we want 110%.

You know that's mathematically impossible, right?

You know what I meant. All set, Hank?

-Have you got Mum's present?

-Yeah, definitely.

-Of course I have!

-All under control, then?

Let's get cracking!

You haven't got her anything yet, have you?

Not at the moment, I haven't, but I'm going to fix it...

somehow. I'm just going to have to be a bit sneaky.

Right, chargrilled squid and guacamole.

Eat your heart out, Gordon Ramsay.

Lime juice, avocados, tomatoes and...

..chillies.

OK...

OK.

And now to deal with you, my slimy little friend.

A bowl for the marinade.

There we go.

What the...?

Right, OK. Now, let's get cracking.

Hank has snatched triumph from the jaws of disaster.

I give you Mother's Day present mark two.

-Hank, what IS that?

-It's a sculpture of my mum!

Hank, that is the worst thing I've ever seen.

Hank, this is really bad.

-And creepy.

-I know,

but I'm running out of time and it's not long until the sleepover.

It's a shame about the spice rack. It was actually really good.

-Until you jumped on it.

-Can't you just fix it?

How am I going to get it? Miss Adolf put it in the bin at school.

And that's where we're going tonight! Frankie, you're a genius.

Why do I always worry when you say that?

Rosa, you seem a little...agitated.

No, I'm fine!

Fine fine or pretend fine?

Dad, I'm a grown woman.

If I say I'm fine, I'm fine.

Fine.

They have all forgotten about Mother's Day.

I was hoping for at least a nice meal,

but I don't even think I'm going to get that.

I'm certain they have something very special planned.

Really? Do you think so?

I know! Now, go and get me some olive oil.

If there's one person you know you can rely on, it's Stan.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

PHONE RINGS

-Hello.

-Stan, you know it's Mother's Day tomorrow, don't you?

-Yes, I've got it all in hand...

-You are certain?

-..I think.

-Here you go, Dad.

-Because if you don't stop calling here,

I'm going to report you! Now, for the last time, I'm not interested!

Goodbye!

That's a bit harsh. HE called ME!

So...let's blend this guacamole.

Oh, the chillies! Me eyes!

Ow! Ow-ow! Tea towel, tea towel! Tea towel!

HE SHRIEKS

I should have stuck to Spaghetti Surprise.

This'll be fine, once I pick the bits out.

Three-second rule.

-OK, ten-minute rule.

-HE LAUGHS WEAKLY

-What are you up to?

-Nothing.

-I'll leave it unzipped, so you can breathe.

-Emily, what are you doing?

There's no way I'm leaving her here.

It'll be fine, I'll keep Katherine hidden.

-No-one will ever know.

-Take it from an expert, whenever you say,

"No-one will ever know," they always do.

Hi, honeys, I'm home!

Oh, kids!

-Can I have a hug?

-Sorry, Mum, we've got to go.

It's OK, love, I'll see them out.

OK, lovely to see you...

Stan, why is there a squid on the ceiling?

OWL HOOTS

-It's amazing!

-It's so incredible!

-It's so lame!

When we get the chance, let's go to the design tech room.

Gather round! Come on!

All right, welcome to the great outdoors...

indoors. OK, unfortunately, we cannot have paintballing,

an ice-cream truck or a water slide, but everything else goes.

We're going to have a great time under a beautiful sky,

guaranteed no rain, and we've got

a flickering campfire to warm our cockles.

There will be no cockle-warming on my watch!

What are you talking about? I was supposed to run this show.

Mr Joy was concerned that things might get a little out of hand

-under your tenure.

-That's exactly the point, isn't it?

That we are going to have fun.

Which is why I have drawn up some guidelines, and by guidelines,

-I mean strict rules.

-THEY GROAN

Anyone breaking them will be sent home immediately.

First, on no account will any pupil leave the hall at any time.

Miss, how are we going to make use of all the educational resources?

You won't, Miss Zipzer, you will be staying right here. Rule two...

-But...Mum's spice rack!

-You heard her - if you leave the room,

-you'll get sent home.

-I guess it's going to be

-the cheese grater with legs, after all.

-Not if I can help it.

For reasons of health and safety,

all marshmallows should be served untoasted.

GROANING

Laughter will not be tolerated after 1900 hours.

HE LAUGHS

Anyone requiring the toilet...

see me, for the bucket.

Wow, Stan, what's happened?

I told you I'd clear up, didn't I?

And there's more.

-You thought we'd forgotten, didn't you?

-Me?

No! No, no, of course not.

You know I trust you.

And when the old beast of Westbrook devoured its last child,

blood dripping, bones crunching,

they say it transformed into a teacher -

into a strict, female teacher.

Now, some say it still inhabits the school

and when it sees an unsuspecting victim...

-..it leaps out!

-KIDS SHRIEK

Don't tell me you're actually scared by that rubbish.

I need everyone to go to sleep, so I can sneak out.

And Mr Rock's scary stories aren't exactly helping.

It's time to take matters into my own hands.

Here you go, Katherine, a nice mealworm.

Emily! What are you doing?

Just...having a snack.

I hope it's something healthy.

Yes, it's almost entirely protein.

Eat up, then.

Surprisingly...palatable.

Miss, I made you a cup of hot chocolate,

make you feel nice and sleepy.

Well, thank you very much, Henry!

Isn't it about time we all started getting ready for bed?

Heavens! It's 2000 hours - you're right!

Uncharacteristically responsible of you, Henry.

Don't suppose it will last.

BALLOON POPS

Right, everybody!

-Lights out!

-Wait a minute, we haven't had our camp song yet.

Thank heavens for that!

BLOWS WHISTLE

-Into your sleeping bags!

-What?

-Now!

So, what's for the main course?

Right, yeah, are you sure you don't want any more canapes?

They were a bit...

-gritty.

-Could be the carpet.

Maybe we should move on to the main event.

Mmm.

HE MIMICS DRUMROLL

Wow! Less of a main event, more of a tiny incident?

No, this is small-plate dining, it's very in.

I'm sorry, love. I wanted this to be really special for you,

but I had this little disaster with the blender

and everything got a bit out of hand

and then everything got a bit in my eyes

-and then everything got a bit sort of everywhere.

-Stan!

Thank you for trying to make a fuss of me this weekend.

I've got three words to say to you.

Papa Pete's lasagne!

Oh, yes!

SNORING

CLANK

SNORTING

-Where's the light switch?

-No, Hank, someone might see!

OK, fair enough.

It should still be in the bin.

Here it is. Now, where's the wood glue?

SHE SNORES

Katherine?

Katherine, where are you?

Katherine?

SHE SNORES

Just one more nail to hold it, while the glue sets.

Amazingly, this time, it looks like my plan's actually going to work.

'And this is where we came in.'

HE HOWLS IN PAIN

-That looked like it hurt.

-Yeah, it really did.

At least you stopped me from screaming. Thanks, Frankie.

No problem. You would have done the same for me.

HE SQUEALS

-SQUEALING

-The beast!

Is this really necessary?

Don't blame me, I wasn't the one who dropped a hammer on your foot

You were bouncing around like a kangaroo on a pogo stick,

but I think we got away with it.

Look, how many times do I have to tell you?

There's no such thing as monsters.

It came from down the corridor.

It's the beast!

Now, it's... It's just some pipes or something.

Come on, I'll prove it.

Katherine? Katherine?

I'm scared.

I want go back now.

Don't be ridiculous, it's nothing!

SCRAPING

It's the beast! Is going to devour another schoolchild!

But...

it... It's just a stupid story.

HE GASPS

Told you, it's just a Zipzer.

Right, I'm reporting you for being out of the hall.

What, like you are?

I could just as easily report you.

Well played, Zipzer. That's not something I get to say very often.

Right, come on.

Katherine? Katherine, where are you?

I don't think your hand is broken, but it's probably best

-not to hit it with a hammer for the next several days.

-Thanks, Ash.

And, hey, the good news is

I finished my spice rack.

SHE GASPS

Katherine?

-Whoops.

-This way.

Zipzer!

Mr Rock!

Wake up!

Aargh!

A zombie attack!

Oh, it's just you. What do you want at this hour?

Watch these children. I have a Zipzer to hunt.

All right, children. Rise and shine. Come on.

-Let's get back to the hall.

-I should have known! Another Zipzer.

THEY ALL GASP

-Seriously?

-I told you there was no such thing as monsters.

Just a bunch of losers, like this lot.

What's that, then?

Aargh!

Every night that beast of Westbrook stalks the hall,

looking for its prey.

-No, Emily, don't!

-It's all right.

It's just Katherine.

There you are!

And there you all are!

ALL: Run, run, run!

SCREAMING

Yep, that'll be her.

SCREAMING

Got you!

Zipzers!

We're so lucky to be in here by the campfire.

What do you say we have some real fun?

Anybody up for a marshmallow?

-ALL: Me, me, me!

-Me, too!

Thank you for a wonderful evening.

Thank YOU for the wonderful lasagne.

I'm sorry I've ruined everything.

No, it was a lovely night!

-Nothing could spoil it.

-I will drink to that.

PHONE RINGS

Are you going to get that or am I?

I trust they will be severely disciplined.

Oh, believe me...they will!

Dad, I can explain...

Can you? Really?

-Actually, I can't.

-Just wait until I get you two home.

I know Dad seems mad, but it'll be all right in the morning.

I'm sure Mum will understand.

I can't believe those two sometimes. First they ruin our evening

and I bet they haven't even remembered Mother's Day.

Oh, of course they have!

I bet they just want to surprise you.

Surprise me? What are they going to do? Blow up the apartment?

Don't be silly!

It's time to face the music.

Who knows? Maybe our presents might cheer Mum up.

Maybe. I just hope the glue sets.

-Sorry about last night, Mum.

-I'm very disappointed in me.

I've given myself lines.

"I must not take Katherine to school sleepovers". 100 times.

-Happy Mother's Day, Mum.

-Happy Mother's Day.

Oh, wow! You did remember!

"New Adventures In Italian Food"!

Wow! How perfect!

How did you find this?

There's this thing called the internet, Mum.

And here's my present.

-What is that?

-It's a spice rack, Stan!

Well, that's just what I need.

Thank you, Hank.

-Let's have a proper look, then.

-With pleasure.

ALL: Hank!

At least I know the glue set.

Tomorrow will see Westbrook's first-ever Top Teacher contest.

If it's excitement you want, Headmaster...

You won't believe your eyes.

-What day is it tomorrow?

-April Fools' Day, Miss.

That's right. And April Fools' Day is...?

Awesome.

The school has been given a grant of £1,000.

This contest will decide who gets it.

Miss A has been pranked?

Look out, Miss A!

SHE SCREAMS