Operation: Prank Adolf Hank Zipzer


Operation: Prank Adolf

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Transcript


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-IN ROBOTIC VOICE:

-You won't believe your eyes.

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-Look out, Miss A!

-Argh!

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LOUD THUD

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That is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life

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and I made it happen, so why do I feel so bad about it?

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It all started last Tuesday.

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THEY ALL PLAY INSTRUMENTS

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-OK, OK, OK, all right.

-TAMBOURINE METAL DISCS FALL ON FLOOR

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I'm telling you. You know what that is?

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That is the tambourine, just exploding with your musical power.

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PIANO PLAYS

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-Hank, what IS that thing?

-I think it's a piano?

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MUSICAL NOTES PLAY

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MUSICAL NOTES SHATTER

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-That did not sound good!

-We are in desperate need of new instruments.

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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BELL CLANGS ON FLOOR

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And a new bell.

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Come on, Emily. You can crack this.

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An alloy that, when placed in water, produces a violent release of gas.

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LOUD PARP

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-It wasn't me!

-LAUGHTER

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-TOGETHER:

-April fool!

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PARP

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But tomorrow's April Fools' Day. Today is just Tuesday.

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And that element of surprise sucked you right in.

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I refuse to me made fun of

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by someone who thinks calculus is a Roman emperor.

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I'm going to stop this right now.

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Announcement!

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Now, in order to drag up standards around here,

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tomorrow will see Westbrook's first ever top teacher contest.

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Top teacher contest? How interesting.

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-I presume there are rules, Mr Joy?

-Rules?

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Oh, yes, the usual sort of thing.

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For morning assembly, a sensible presentation

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on the school motto, "Westbrook - Stepping Into The Future."

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Excellent! I have my presentation ready to go.

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How could you po...? He just said...

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You didn't make a presentation just for fun, did you?

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How I choose to spend my free time, Mr Rock,

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is entirely none of your business.

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And in the afternoon, a testimonial from a pupil of your choosing,

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saying why you should be our top teacher.

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The winner will get this very handsome, stylish trophy.

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-Teaching is not a competition. I'm out.

-Ignore him, Mr Joy.

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He's obviously just scared of losing to me.

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Yeah, you know, I'm shaking like a leaf. Wb-wb-wb-wb.

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You'll be missing out on a cash prize.

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Cash prize? You should have led with that.

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The school has been given a grant of £1,000

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to spend on teaching equipment.

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-This contest will decide who gets it.

-£1,000?

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Do you know how many trombones I can buy with that? I'm in!

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Hank, will you make a speech tomorrow,

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explaining why I should be Westbrook's top teacher?

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-You bet!

-Oh, yes!

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Will you make a speech tomorrow,

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explaining why I should be Westbrook's top teacher?

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-I'd be honoured, Miss.

-Oh, well, thank you, Nicholas.

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-Could you explain to me why we were running?

-Running?

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An adult would never run in a school playground, Mr Rock.

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-I could have sworn you were running.

-I was walking!

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Emphatically! Very different. Good day.

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So, after the fireworks, you come up through a trapdoor in the stage.

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-Does the stage even have a trapdoor?

-Hank, please.

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Then, once you're in position, the laser show starts. Ashley, hit it.

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-ASHLEY PLAYS KEYBOARD

-Hank, you've got to calm down.

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Go, Saul. SAUL PLAYS A SINGLE NOTE

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And I'm on drums, obviously.

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HE HITS DRUMS AND CYMBALS

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Oops. And that was my cue for the elephant and the canon.

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ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

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This is Mr Joy's contest.

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It's his rules and he doesn't want any pizzazz.

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No pizzazz? Not even the elephant or the canon?

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TRUMPET WINDS DOWN FORLORNLY

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-No excitement.

-But excitement is what you do.

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Listen, we're still going to win this,

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when you give your amazing speech tomorrow afternoon.

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I feel sorry for all the other teachers.

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They don't stand a chance, because Hank Zipzer is in the house.

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Mr Rock - best teacher ever.

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LOUD OUT-OF-TUNE PIANO NOTE

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Sit down!

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Silence!

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Now, I want you all to start an essay

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while I take some of the more frivolous adjectives

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out of my Stepping Into The Future presentation.

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-What's the essay on, Miss?

-The human body.

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Which is the most important body part and why?

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Essays in tomorrow. Is that clear, Henry Zipzer?

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Not on Friday, not a week on Tuesday, not when you feel like it -

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tomorrow, the 1st of...

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Oh... What day is it tomorrow, Henry?

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-April Fools' Day, Miss.

-That's right and April Fools' Day is...?

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-Awesome.

-Incorrect. I loathe April Fools' Day.

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And if any of you are thinking of trying to prank me, think again.

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I am totally and utterly unprankable.

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No-one is unprankable.

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Here are my top ways to prank Miss Adolf.

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Prank one - doorknob dummy.

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When Miss Adolph tries to leave the classroom, she won't be able to.

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She'll be stuck in here forever. She won't know what's hit her.

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Whoops-a-daisy. One hour's detention, Mr Zipzer.

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OK, prank two - ping pong pile-up. This one never fails.

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Ah, Henry, would you get out the textbooks, please?

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Hmm?

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Inappropriate use of PE equipment. Another hour's detention.

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This is bad. I can't even prank Miss Adolph in my imagination.

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OK, just explain to me why you want to ban April Fools' Day.

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It's just a waste of time - time that could be better spent on work.

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Really? OK, have you ever heard of Leonardo da Vinci?

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Leonardo da Vinci, from 1452, died 1519.

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Architect, mathematician, inventor

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and one of the greatest painters to ever have lived.

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OK, I'm going to take that as a yes.

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Anyway, Leo said - and I'm not going to get this word perfect -

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but he said, "Go away for a while, relax

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"and then when you come back to your work,

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"your judgment is going to be surer."

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-He did?

-He did.

-So, pranks are a way for overworked minds to relax?

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-MR ROCK GASPS

-She got it!

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In that case, I'm going to have to study this very carefully.

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Maybe a series of double-blind peer-reviewed experiments.

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We've got a different definition of "relax"!

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Argh! Mr Rock is Westbrook's best teacher. That's obvious.

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So, why is my speech so lame?

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SOUND EFFECT GADGET BEEPS

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Wait, got it! Everything's better with sound effects.

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Mr Rock is the best.

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KNIGHT'S TRUMPET SALUTE He's way better...

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EXPLOSION ..than the rest.

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DUCK'S QUACK Yeah, that's not going to work.

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KNOCKING ON DOOR

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-TOGETHER:

-Argh! April fool!

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Ha, ha, very funny. I think not.

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Ah, don't try and hide it, Stan.

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-We all know how much you love April Fool's Day.

-Love it?

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-It's worse than Halloween! At least that's got sweets.

-OK, Mr Grumpy.

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-You two go and drag Hank out of his room.

-Where's Emily? She's late.

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Hank's probably hidden her as a prank.

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Emily?

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What's the matter, Emily?

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Er, acute pharyngitis caused by a streptococcal infection.

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-I'll call an ambulance then.

-Er, she's got a sore throat.

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-Yeah, I knew that.

-I need to take the day off.

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-Off school?

-Mmm.

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You must be feeling really awful. OK, stay in bed.

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Your dad can look after you, unless, of course,

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you're scared of Emily pranking you, Stan?

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No, I think I'm quite safe from Emily.

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Unlike some people, she knows how to behave like an adult.

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Yep, definitely. That's me.

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Totally prank-free.

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-Are you still doing your biology essay?

-What biology essay?

-Hank!

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-I got distracted trying to write my speech for Mr Rock.

-Oh, fair enough.

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But then I got distracted from Mr Rock's speech,

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trying to come up with a prank for Miss Adolph.

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And I finally got one, but it won't work without 100 helicopter drones,

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an ice rink and an x-ray machine.

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Face it, Hankster, no-one can prank Miss Adolph.

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And she's going to win teacher of the year.

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She's bound to give the sort of boring presentation Mr Joy likes.

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Yeah.

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-Unless...

-Unless what?

-Maybe there's still a chance. Follow me!

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FRANKIE SQUAWKS

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Excuse me, message from Mr Joy coming through, watch out.

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-What's going on?

-All teachers taking part in the top teachers contest

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need to make their Stepping Into The Future Presentation

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as exciting and innovative as possible.

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-It's a last-minute change to test their improvisation skills.

-Sneaky.

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-I'm going to tell Miss Adolph.

-Or you could forget to tell her.

-Why?

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So her presentation will be really boring

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-and she won't win the contest. This is it. She'll be pranked.

-Oh, dear.

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I almost feel sorry for the boy.

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Nice try, Henry Zipzer, but I heard everything.

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Consider your message delivered, Miss Wong. Good day.

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-How did I do?

-Amazing!

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-Did she fall for it?

-Yeah, totally. Miss A's been pranked!

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Yes!

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Ha, ha! You are not pulling anything on ME today! No-one is.

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-Why are you here?

-I just popped back from the deli

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while it was quiet to check on Emily but I wouldn't have bothered

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if I'd known you were looking after her quite so well.

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She's fine. I think.

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She's probably curled up asleep in there.

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No, Stan, if Emily were fine, she'd be at school.

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If Emily were ill, she'd be at school. Something's really up.

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Emily, love, it's Mum. I just wanted to check that you were...

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Oops.

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What were you doing, Emily?

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What was so important that you had to miss school?

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I need to prank myself under controlled conditions.

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Of course you do.

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Mr Rock said that pranks can make you better at learning

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and I want to be better at learning, so I want to like pranks.

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-Oh, and how's that going?

-I still don't like pranks.

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-Well, you've got that in common with your father.

-Right, how do I look?

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-Did I get rid of it all?

-You, you missed a bit.

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-Better?

-Yes, perfect.

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Well, I love pranks and I want to show you how to love pranks too.

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Er, as long as you do it far away from me, right?

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-This is a prank-free zone.

-Course it is.

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That's why I'm taking Emily to the deli.

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No, left hand up, boy!

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Mr Joy, I did wonder if I might possibly have

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a minute of your valuable time.

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You! Shout at that boy until that sign is straight!

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What is it, Miss Adolf?

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It's about innovation and excitement, headmaster.

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-Only I had thought you might prefer...

-No! That's worse!

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-I've said what I preferred, haven't I?

-Mmm.

-Get on with it!

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Well, if it's excitement you want, headmaster,

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it's excitement you'll jolly well get! Hmm.

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Emily, would you make yourself useful and get me

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-some mozzarella from the fridge, please?

-It's not going to work, Mum.

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I'm just not the sort of person that enjoys pranks.

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Just do as you're asked, please, Emily.

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-But, Mum, I know what you're doing.

-The cheese, please.

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EMILY SIGHS

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Three, two, one. Cue the...

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MUM AND PAPA PETE LAUGH

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..clown.

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Hilarious. Mum, I've got an IQ of 142.

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I can quote pi to 37 decimal places.

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-Really?

-You're going to have to try a lot harder

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-than just surprise me with a clown.

-OK, what about...?

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Not two clowns, either.

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Welcome to the inaugural Westbrook top teacher contest.

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The first of our four presentations this morning

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on our school motto - Stepping Into The Future - comes from Mr Korpal.

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-Take it away.

-APPLAUSE

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Stepping into the future - how does that relate to YOUR future

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and your position in the workplace?

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..Therefore increasing seasonally adjusted musical productivity

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by 0.70%.

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And I would just like to say, before I end,

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yes, this was THE most boring speech you will ever hear,

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but I've got to win this contest because trumpets just ain't cheap.

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SOUNDLESS BLOW LAUGHTER

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Thank you, Mr Rock. That was very good, surprisingly.

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Now get off my stage!

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Next...

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APPLAUSE

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-IN ROBOTIC VOICE:

-Step into the future at Westbrook.

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You won't believe your eyes.

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What will 2060 look like?

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Well, try this on for size.

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LAUGHTER

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-Look what you did!

-I know.

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DANCE MUSIC

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LAUGHTER CONTINUES

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(Slide.)

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She's going to fall off the stage.

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Thank goodness for that. It might end this horror!

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-Look out, Miss A!

-Argh!

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-Argh!

-LOUD THUD

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GASPS AND LAUGHTER

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-Prank, Zipzer! You got Miss Adolf!

-Yep. So, why do I feel so bad?

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Was that meant to be some kind of April Fools' joke?

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No, headmaster.

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I thought it was...

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..innovative and exciting, just like you wanted.

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It was horrendous, Miss Adolf, and embarrassing and expensive.

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Have you seen the dent you made in the floor?

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I... I'm so sorry.

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And if you think you're going to be Westbrook's top teacher now,

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you've got another thing coming.

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-But...

-You didn't even look like a real robot.

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I'm not looking through the telescope.

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But you love space stuff, don't you? Just do it!

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But I know there's shoe polish on the end.

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-Just look through the telescope, Emily.

-Fine.

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EMILY SIGHS

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MUM LAUGHS

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-April fool!

-I've changed my mind. I want to go back to school.

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I've got a chemistry problem I need to crack.

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Nope, not until you love pranks.

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Emily, come with me.

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Your mother is trying to help you

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but you're too clever for her to surprise,

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so why don't you go and fill the sugar pots, stay out of her way?

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EMILY GASPS AND LAUGHS

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You got me! You pranked me and...I enjoyed it.

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-This is all down to you. You must feel amazing.

-Yes, sort of.

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Playing humble, huh? I like it.

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PUPILS LAUGH

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LOUD PARP

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LAUGHTER

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Uh-oh, don't blow a fuse, Miss.

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PUPILS LAUGH

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Ha, that's very, um...funny, Frankie.

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Um, today's, um, lesson will be on...

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-PUPILS LAUGH CLASS:

-April fool!

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-Miss Adolf, do you want me to collect in the essays for you?

-What?

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Oh, um, yes, please, Nicholas.

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-Hank, you've broken Miss Adolf.

-I haven't broken Miss Adolf.

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Miss Adolf, Henry Zipzer hasn't done his essay.

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-Well, um...maybe tomorrow, Henry.

-PUPILS GASP

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Oh, no, I've completely and totally broken Miss Adolf.

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MECHANICAL WHIRRING AND POPPING

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Miss Adolf, if you can't punish Zipzer

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for a clear homework infringement,

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I cannot speak on your behalf at the top teachers contest this afternoon.

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I resign.

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Very well, Nicholas.

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What have I done?

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KNOCKING

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Come in.

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I wanted to apologise, Miss.

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Er, apologise? Whatever for?

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For making you think you had to dress up.

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I wanted to prank you so badly that I didn't even think

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about how it might...you know, make you feel.

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-Oh...not to worry.

-Not to worry, Miss?

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Yes, I mean, I, I did so want to be Westbrook's top teacher

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but that chance has gone now.

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Let's not dwell on the past, Hank.

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Do you mind if I call you Hank?

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Hank?! This is awful! I need to get the old Adolf back somehow.

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I know. There's only one thing for it.

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Oh, come on, Miss! That's got to be worth a month's detention at least!

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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Er, time for the top teacher prize-giving.

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Haven't you got a speech to give?

0:20:030:20:05

HE SIGHS Yes, yes, I have.

0:20:060:20:10

I'm so glad Papa Pete's prank worked for you.

0:20:140:20:16

Now you can see how fun it is.

0:20:160:20:18

-Argh!

-What? What's that?

0:20:180:20:20

April fool!

0:20:200:20:21

After Papa Pete's prank, I had an idea about my chemistry project.

0:20:230:20:27

I added a compound of magnes... Never mind.

0:20:270:20:30

I added some chemicals to the soup, and voila!

0:20:300:20:33

Smoke and bubbles.

0:20:330:20:35

Right, nice.

0:20:350:20:37

-And, um, these chemicals - are they safe to eat, yes?

-Safe to eat...

0:20:370:20:42

-PARPING

-The soup! Don't eat the soup!

0:20:420:20:47

No, no!

0:20:470:20:49

TOGETHER: April fool!

0:20:500:20:53

THEY LAUGH

0:20:530:20:55

That's not funny!

0:20:550:20:57

Minions, we are just three pupils' speeches away

0:20:590:21:03

from discovering which teacher's department

0:21:030:21:06

will be the recipient of £1,000.

0:21:060:21:10

-PUPILS: Ooh!

-Don't say, "Ooh!"

0:21:100:21:12

Now, I understand that Nicholas McKelty has declined to speak

0:21:130:21:17

on behalf of Miss Adolf after today's debacle,

0:21:170:21:20

and who can blame him?

0:21:200:21:22

So, I call on Henry Zipzer to speak on behalf of Mr Rock.

0:21:220:21:26

APPLAUSE

0:21:260:21:29

Mr Rock is a great teacher and if I have any musical talent at all...

0:21:310:21:36

-He doesn't.

-..it's because of him.

0:21:360:21:37

He's taught me the school is about so much more than exams and grades

0:21:370:21:43

but he's not Westbrook's top teacher.

0:21:430:21:46

Westbrook School is like the human body.

0:21:460:21:49

No part is more important than the other.

0:21:490:21:51

Mr Rock - he's the heart keeping the rhythm.

0:21:510:21:54

Mr Joy - decide for yourself which part HE is.

0:21:540:21:56

LAUGHTER And Miss Adolf - she's the feet.

0:21:560:21:59

She's tough, she's supportive and she keeps us moving forward.

0:21:590:22:03

Every part of the body is important, so that's why my vote

0:22:030:22:06

for Westbrook's top teacher goes to everyone!

0:22:060:22:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:090:22:12

What a lot of nonsense, Henry!

0:22:140:22:17

The most important part of the human body is the spleen,

0:22:170:22:20

as you would well know if you had done your essay!

0:22:200:22:23

And school is ALL about grades and examinations,

0:22:230:22:26

whatever this transatlantic troubadour might tell you.

0:22:260:22:30

Honestly, if you're going to spout this egalitarian claptrap,

0:22:300:22:33

just because I relax for a couple of hours,

0:22:330:22:35

then I'm going to have to double the pressure on you!

0:22:350:22:37

-PUPILS GASP

-On all of you!

0:22:370:22:40

So, if everybody wins, who gets the money?

0:22:430:22:48

Well, me! Yes, it'll go nicely towards my holiday to the Bahamas.

0:22:480:22:53

-Excuse me?

-Er, for research for headmasters

0:22:530:22:57

and how we react to sandy beaches.

0:22:570:23:00

-PUPILS MURMUR

-All right,

0:23:000:23:02

it'll be shared between everyone.

0:23:020:23:03

Then that gives me enough money to get half a trombone.

0:23:030:23:08

Dismissed!

0:23:080:23:10

-I'm sorry, Mr Rock.

-Are you kidding?

0:23:120:23:15

You did the right thing, Hank. My presentation was boring.

0:23:150:23:18

It wasn't even worth £1, let alone £1,000.

0:23:180:23:21

But I'm telling you, from now on, it is fun Rock or no Rock at all.

0:23:210:23:25

-Thank you for your kind words, Henry.

-You're welcome, Miss.

0:23:260:23:29

-Now, don't be late for detention.

-Detention, Miss?

-For the next month.

0:23:290:23:32

You don't think you can vandalise a textbook

0:23:320:23:35

and get away with it, do you?

0:23:350:23:37

And she's back!

0:23:390:23:42

-I've got enough cans.

-What's happening?

0:23:430:23:45

Goodness Fizz is giving away sports free equipment to schools

0:23:450:23:48

-that collect their cans.

-Get in!

0:23:480:23:50

-Ow!

-Oops.

0:23:500:23:52

Sorry. We should all be allowed to play with the new equipment.

0:23:540:23:57

Well, Frankie and Ashley are allowed but you're not.

0:23:570:24:00

You're like a suffragette.

0:24:000:24:02

-Do you make a fuss?

-Yes.

-No!

0:24:020:24:04

You show them, comrade.

0:24:040:24:06

My team beats the best, we get to play in the elite sports centre.

0:24:060:24:09

You're not going to beat us.

0:24:090:24:10

-WHISTLE

-Let's go!

-Argh! Zipzer!

0:24:100:24:14

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