Browse content similar to Episode 6. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptian | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat | 0:00:18 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
Our King George III was a bit loopy | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
but not nearly as loopy as the doctors who tried to treat him. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:43 | |
The royal doctor, Your Majesty. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Doctor? I don't need a doctor. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
I was telling the Prussian Ambassador here... | 0:00:48 | 0:00:52 | |
That is a pot plant, Your Majesty. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
Oh, yes, so it is. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
Well, as I was telling this pot plant here | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
I feel as fit as a pig in Sweden. Och! | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
Seize the patient! | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
Huh! What are you doing? | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
Unhand me, you knaves! | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
I'm afraid His Majesty is quite mad. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
Mad? I'm absolutely furious! | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
Please. His Majesty must see that he's not well. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
I suppose I have been a bit off colour. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
As has his wee-wee. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Bright purple. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
Yes, thank you. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:26 | |
I think we'll leave the diagnosis and treatment | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
to those of us trained in the medical profession. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
Only science can provide the solution. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
Science and mustard. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
Mustard? | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
What a good idea. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
I'm a sausage! | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle! | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
That's not working. We'll try another Georgian cure. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
-Splendid. What's that? -I'm not going to blind you with science, | 0:01:50 | 0:01:54 | |
just assault you with this red hot poker. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
It's quite simple, really. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
We just wait for a blister to appear and then, pop! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:04 | |
-Is this really supposed to cure him? -Yes, that and shouting at him. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
Stop being mad! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
Get better! | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
We Georgian doctors have made great strides | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
in the treatment of this affliction. Get better! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
-Shouldn't you be giving him some medicine? -I already have. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
He's on a spoonful of arsenic twice a day. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
-Arsenic?! -Yes, mixed in with some other stuff. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:26 | |
But arsenic's poisonous, you're going to make him worse. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
Worse? Are you trying to tell me that I, the King's physician, | 0:02:29 | 0:02:34 | |
am making the King worse? | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
-Are you insane? -Insane? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Because if you are insane, I shall have to treat you too. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:45 | |
Why don't I help you treat him? | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
Yes, you! | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
Aaah! | 0:02:50 | 0:02:51 | |
-Stop being mad! -Get better! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
-Grow up! -Don't act weird all the time! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
Just stop it! | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
George III really did have purple wee. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
It was probably caused by one of his doctor's cures. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
You could win Britain's Got Talent with that. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Tonight, Simon, I'm going to fill this bucket with purple wee! | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
Oh, poor old George III. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
He really was one sandwich short of a picnic. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
Lay the table. It's Ready, Steady, Feast. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
Joining us in the kitchen this week is His Majesty, King George III. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:30 | |
-Oh! -Have you seen the royal doctors? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
-No. -Thank heavens. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
For some reason, they think I'm not totally sane. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
Cluck-cluck-cluck. Chickaboo! | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
I know, it's absurd, isn't it? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
-Still, they can't stop me gardening. -Cooking. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:48 | |
Isn't it? Must be these lights. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
What have you brought for us today from your royal kitchen? | 0:03:50 | 0:03:54 | |
-Today I brought a lovely bit of beef. -Oh, nice. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
How will you cook it? | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
Cook it? I'm not going to cook it, I'm going to plant it. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:03 | |
You're going to plant a piece of beef? | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
I can't think why nobody's thought of it before. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
You get yourselves a bit of soil. There we are. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:12 | |
Dig a hole. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
Pop the beef in and in six months' time you could have a beef tree. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:19 | |
Or more likely, a lot of dogs digging up your garden. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:24 | |
Grub's up! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
-There he is. -It's the royal doctors! | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
-Well... -How's the beef tree coming along? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
Come here, Sire. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
It's a good job I brought a sandwich. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:42 | |
Grub's up! | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
Yo! My name's Elagabalus and I'm the Emperor of Rome, | 0:04:50 | 0:04:54 | |
even though I'm only a teenager which is well wicked. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
To make myself more popular with the people of Rome | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
I've invented my own lottery, Romo Lottery Millions! | 0:05:00 | 0:05:04 | |
Play my game and you could be well minted like I am, | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
but not as much as me. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
Come to my Roman arena, grab yourself a ticket | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
and see what you've won! | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
I don't believe it! I've won a slave. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
That's nothing. I've just won a new house. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
-Yes! -Brilliant! | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Thing is, doing all this good stuff can get really boring. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:27 | |
So I've decided to spice things up a bit | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
and now not all my prizes are quite so nice. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
Wait up, I've won something as well. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
Agh! It's a dead dog! | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
Ha-ha! My practical jokes are well grimy. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:44 | |
A dead dog! That's so mingin'. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
I wonder what I've won. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
Oh! It's bees! It's bees! | 0:05:50 | 0:05:51 | |
Ha-ha! | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
A box full of bees! He's well stung, man. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
Romo Lottery Millions is prank-tastic. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
I've even made the ticket bit more exciting. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
I fire them from catapults and the crowd have to scramble to get them. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
Only, sometimes I put some poisonous snakes in as well. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:06:12 | 0:06:13 | |
Look at them! | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
Yeah. Play my prank-tastic Romo Lottery Millions. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:19 | |
It's well random, dog! | 0:06:19 | 0:06:20 | |
Warning: Being bitten to death by poisonous snakes | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
or being trampled to death may result in death. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
Most def. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:27 | |
Not everyone liked Elagabalus's sense of humour. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
Like many emperors, he ended up being murdered in Rome. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
To avoid the same fate, Emperor Tiberius moved to Capri | 0:06:34 | 0:06:39 | |
but he still lived in fear of assassination. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
Emperor Tiberius of Rome. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
I have received word from the gate there is a man here to see you. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:49 | |
Emperor Tiberius? | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
-Is he an assassin? -No. -Are you sure he won't kill me? | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
The only reason I came to the island of Capri | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
was to get away from the assassins. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
He's not here to kill you. He's here to welcome you. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
He's got you a nice present and everything. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
OK, show him in. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
FANFARE | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
Oh, great Emperor Tiberius. I have brought you a gift. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:20 | |
It is this fish. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:22 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
Guards! Guards! This man is going to try and kill me with this fish! | 0:07:23 | 0:07:28 | |
-What? -Did he say fish? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
He's just being paranoid again. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
He'll use the fish to open my guts and cut off my head | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
and then he's going to shove my guts down my neck | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
and use my head to play keepie-uppie. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Then he's going to throw me into the sea. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
-Seize him! -What? I wasn't. This is just a dead fish! | 0:07:43 | 0:07:47 | |
It's a gift. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:48 | |
Take the fish and rub it on his face. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
-What? -Yes, Emperor. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
Sorry about this, mate. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
See? The scales are taking his face off. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
I told you it was a dangerous fish. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
Make him kiss it. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
Here, kiss it. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
-Hit him with it. -Seriously... | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
That teach you, won't it? | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
I tell you what, it's a good job I didn't bring in the massive crab. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:16 | |
-Don't say that... -What? | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
Bring me this massive crab. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
I didn't mean it... It's just a joke. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
Pinch his nose with it. Ooh, yes! | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
How do you like them eggs? | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
That teach you to be a nasty assassin. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
I should have just brought flowers. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
Mister bad man! | 0:08:36 | 0:08:37 | |
Well done, guys. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
That's true. Paranoid Tiberius did rub that man's face with a fish. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:45 | |
He wasn't the only scaredy cat emperor. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
Domitian had the walls of his palace polished like mirrors | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
so he could see people sneaking up on him. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
I'm no scaredy cat, though. I'm petrifiedy of them! | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
MIAOW | 0:08:56 | 0:08:57 | |
Hello and welcome to the Saxon Weather Forecast | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
where we use the most reliable Saxon superstitions | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
to predict the weather. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
Off the coast of Wales, dolphins have been spotted leaping out of the water | 0:09:18 | 0:09:22 | |
which of course means gale force winds are to follow. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
Good news up in Scotland where we've seen some red sky at night. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:29 | |
Expect calm weather there. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
That's assuming the red sky wasn't a monastery on fire | 0:09:31 | 0:09:35 | |
after a Viking raid. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Over in Kent, some splashes from oars have been spotted | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
glittering on a night voyage. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
That can only mean one thing - there's a storm brewing. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:46 | |
Don't forget on Sunday there was a thunderstorm. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Bad news for any monks or nuns watching | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
as that means some of you are going to die. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
On Wednesday there's also going to be thunder | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
which is unfortunate for lazy women as it means they'll die too. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
That's about all we've got time for so have a nice week, | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
unless you're a nun and you're lazy, in which case you're totally stuffed! | 0:10:03 | 0:10:08 | |
We Saxons really believed all that. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
What a superstitious bunch, eh! | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
We were terrified of ghosts | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
and we had some funny ideas about how to keep them at bay. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:21 | |
-Hello, darling. -Hello. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Well, we don't have to worry about ghosts any more. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
I wasn't worried about ghosts. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
-What have you done? -Burnt all our crops, every last field. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:38 | |
Apparently it's the new Saxon way to keep ghosts at bay. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
No more ghosts for us. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:42 | |
And no more food. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:48 | |
I haven't really thought this through, have I? | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
At least when I die of starvation I won't haunt anyone. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:56 | |
You won't die of starvation, my love. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
-Because I'm going to kill you first, you idiot! -That hurts! | 0:10:59 | 0:11:03 | |
-Take that! -All right, I'm sorry! | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
Yes, when crops failed Saxons filled out their flour with tree bark, | 0:11:11 | 0:11:16 | |
wild grass and even stinging nettles. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:20 | |
Ouch! | 0:11:20 | 0:11:21 | |
Ouch! | 0:11:23 | 0:11:24 | |
What's in the stew? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
Erm... It's a family recipe. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:32 | |
Where's Granny gone? | 0:11:34 | 0:11:35 | |
For fewer mouths to feed, sell any children under the age of seven. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:46 | |
-Sell him! -Sell her! | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
No, sell him! | 0:11:48 | 0:11:49 | |
Can you take them both? | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Are you serious? | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
'That's what 40 villagers did in Sussex.' | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
That's a bit drastic. Any other suggestions? | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
'You're right, a terrible idea. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
'How about number five? Become the lord of the manor's slave | 0:12:07 | 0:12:11 | |
'so he has to feed you.' | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Oh, that sounds better. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:14 | |
Oh, Lord, I have pledged to be your slave and will do anything you ask. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:18 | |
Brilliant! First job then, | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
clean up my bunions and we'll eat. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:24 | |
Actually, I think I've lost my appetite. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
Howdy, partner! American history is pretty horrible too. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
We had our fair share of fights and battles | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
and our fair share of (LAUGHS) stupid deaths. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:45 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
# They're funny cos they're true | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
# Hope next time it's not you! # | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
We could have dinner. He won't mind. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
Next! And you are? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:04 | |
My name's Clement Vallandingham, Your Honour, I'm a criminal lawyer. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:08 | |
Come on, then, entertain us with your death. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
The stupider, the better. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
Well, sir, I was an expert in criminal law | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
and one day I was defending a man | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
who was accused of shooting someone dead. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
Yes, very interesting. (Not!) | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
I wanted to prove that the dead man had accidentally shot himself. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
I was demonstrating this to my legal team. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
I drew out my pistol... | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
..fell to my knees. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:38 | |
-Your Honour, I did not realise my pistol was loaded. -Go on. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:42 | |
-Please, don't make me say this. -Oh, we're all ears now. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:48 | |
-I accidentally shot myself, OK?! -HE LAUGHS | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
Sorry, sorry! | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
Sorry, that's not funny, it's very serious. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
Yes, it is funny! | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
Nincompoop! | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
I shall just, um, consult with the judges on that. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:06 | |
HE LAUGHS I know, I know! | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
Oh, come on, Louis. Get a sense of humour! | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
Two yeses. You're through to the Afterlife. Well done. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
Thank you very much, Your Honour. Ma'am. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
Off you shoot. HE LAUGHS | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
Off you shoot! Did you hear...? | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
I know, I'm wicked. I really am! | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. # | 0:14:28 | 0:14:32 | |
Clement Vallandigham's accident there | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
did prove his client to be innocent | 0:14:36 | 0:14:37 | |
and Clement to be very, very stupid. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
It was a pretty tragic thing to happen, | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
but not half as tragic as this. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
During one battle of the American Civil War, | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
the Yankee soldiers were having a real problem | 0:14:51 | 0:14:54 | |
getting past the rebel Confederate troops. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
But then, one general had a brilliant idea. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
Why not go under them? | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
The Yankees had hundreds of coalminers fighting for them. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:06 | |
So they just dug a tunnel right under the rebels. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
They packed it full of gunpowder, | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
lit the fuse and blew up their enemy. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
The plan had worked perfectly. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
The Yankee troops rushed forward to capture the bomb crater. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
But there was one small problem. They couldn't get out again. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:24 | |
The Confederate survivors shot them all, like fish in a barrel. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
The enemy lost 1,500 men, | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
but the Yankees lost twice as many. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
One of the most famous and frightening pirates of all time | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
was known as Blackbeard. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
Oh, no! Here he comes now! | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
# When I was a nipper I boarded a clipper | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
# Sailed the seas as a goods importer Oh | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
# Edward Teach is my name But I earnt my fame | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
# As Blackbeard the pirate of the water, oh | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
# What a jolly chap With a jaunty cap | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
# Always gave my crew good quarter Oh | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
# But I'm best known for blood and guts and gore | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
# And a vicious reign of murdering and slaughter, oh | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
# Best known for blood and guts and gore | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
# And a vicious reign of murdering and slaughter, oh | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
# Left my home in Bristol with a sword and pistol | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
# Bid a fond farewell to Old Blighty Oh | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
# What my enemies feared was my thick black beard | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
# Which I always enjoyed setting light to, oh | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
# Once I had a thing for a captive's lovely ring | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
# That shone like a jewel in the nightie, oh | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
# When the man said no I just said, oh | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
# And chopped off his hand and said, righty-oh | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
# Man said no, he said, oh | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
# Chopped off his hand and said, righty-oh | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
# Oh, I loved to sail the ocean | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
# With my flag that inspired emotion | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
# With its smiling pile of skull and bones | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
# Smashing hearts with a violent stabbing motion | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
# And I loved to escape detection | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
# And to win my crew's affection | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
# Which was nothing to do with the 12 guns he wore | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
# On his belt that were for protection | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
# I was awfully nice But I had the odd vice | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
# Which occasionally caused a commotion | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
# The thing that I'd do was shoot members of my crew | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
# If they didn't show enough devotion | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
# The thing he'd do was shoot members of the crew | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
# If they didn't show enough devotion | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
# Once when very irate I shot my first mate | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
# Israel Hands for a bit of pleasure, oh | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
# And when my debts grew killed half of my crew | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
# To increase my share of the treasure, oh | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
# Was doing well then seemed to run out of men | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
# My captors boarded at their leisure, oh | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
# Smote me dead then cut off my head | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
# And displayed it on my mast for good measure, oh | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
# Smote him dead chopped off his head | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
# Displayed it on the mast for good measure. Oh. # | 0:18:04 | 0:18:09 | |
-Do you suffer from headaches? -Oh! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:47 | |
Do you suffer from headaches? | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
Tense, nervous headaches? | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Pain behind the eyes that you just can't shift? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
Then you need Trepanadol. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
It is our unique starter pack. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
It's got everything you need. A sharp stone. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
-Sharp stone. -And a blunt stone. -Blunt stone. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:05 | |
Now, concentrate. Here comes the sciencey bit. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
At the first sign of a headache, get an unqualified colleague | 0:19:07 | 0:19:11 | |
to knock a small hole into your skull | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
using the sharp stone as a chisel and the blunt stone as a hammer. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
Hammer! Hammer! | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
By knocking a hole in your skull, | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
you'll let out the devils inside your head | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
and it'll be bye-bye, headache. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
Trepanning is quite likely to result in death. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:33 | |
Headache gone now! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:19:33 | 0:19:37 | |
THUD! | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
Warning! Do not try trepanning at home. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
There is evidence that lots of Stone Age people survived it. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:45 | |
Yeah! Believe it or not. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
But that doesn't mean you should give it a go. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
Otherwise, you might need a Stone Age burial. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:53 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
Hello, and welcome once again to Stone Age Family Fortunes! | 0:19:59 | 0:20:04 | |
Let's meet the teams. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
Joining us all the way from Stone Age Britain, it's the Ugg family. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:11 | |
And playing against them this evening, | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
from Stone Age Chile, it's the Ugio family. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
You're very welcome. Hello, there. Are they, are they OK? | 0:20:17 | 0:20:21 | |
Granny and Gramps? They're having a great time, you know. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
We are from the world-famous Chinchiro tribe. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
We like to mummify our loved ones | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
and bring them out on special occasions. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
That's how we roll, homes! | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
Well, very best of luck tonight. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
Oh, no! That's happened. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
Captains, will you please join me at the Plinth of Dreams? | 0:20:40 | 0:20:45 | |
We asked 100 Stone Age people to name | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
something you might bury with a member of the family. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
-BUZZ! -Ugio. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
-Can I confer? -Of course. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
What do you think? Don't look at me like that, you're freaking me out. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:03 | |
We would not bury them because we find that disrespectful. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:07 | |
So we would cut off their arms, their head, their legs, | 0:21:07 | 0:21:09 | |
rip out their insides, stuff them with mud, | 0:21:09 | 0:21:12 | |
put them back together and paint them. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:14 | |
That way, they will know how much we love them. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
That's not the answer I have on the card here. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
Bearing in mind, Ugio, we did ask 100 European Stone Age people. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:25 | |
So, Ugg, something you might bury with a member of the family. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
-Flowers. -You said flowers. Our survey said... | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
Flowers is the right answer! Please rejoin your families. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:38 | |
-Weapon? -Weapons. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Correct! | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
-Food. -That's right. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
Dog. | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
Pets. I'll accept dog. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:49 | |
Anything that might make them more comfortable in the Afterlife. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:53 | |
We'd tie their limbs together so they can't jump out. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
Is the correct answer! | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
Tying them up? Where's your respect, homes? | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
If you really love them, you would cut off their limbs and skin them. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:06 | |
-Are you saying I don't love my family? -What if I am? | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
You don't know my family. You're a silly little man. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:13 | |
A silly little man! | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
Let's see what Ugg has won! | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
Yes! Throw away your old stone tools. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
The Bronze Age is here and it's metal. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
You'll be the talk of the tribe with your very own bronze weapon! | 0:22:22 | 0:22:26 | |
-No, not the face! -Argh! | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
SHOCKED GASPS | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
Um...you've killed Ugio. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
Yeah. Um... | 0:22:36 | 0:22:39 | |
Maybe we should cut off his arms and legs, | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
scrape out his innards, fill him with mud and put him back together. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
Well, it's what he would've wanted. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
-Say goodbye, everybody! -APPLAUSE | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
That's great! Say goodbye. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
Come on. Say goodbye. Oh, it's happened again! Doesn't matter. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:58 | |
# Lots of things in history are actually a mystery | 0:23:02 | 0:23:05 | |
# The truth's not always in the books you read | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
# Facts can get distorted or even misreported | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
# Imagine if that was all down to me | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
# Cliff Whitelie. # | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
-It's Whiteley! -Sorry. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
Yeah, yeah. Well, your newspaper got it wrong, mate. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
Albert Einstein was a famous scientist. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
Frank Enstein was the one with a monster. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
So print an apology! | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
Whallop! | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
Cliff? I've got Florence Nightingale and... | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
Sorry, what was your name again? | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
Mary Seacole. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
-Mary Seacole to see you. -Thank you. Show 'em in, please. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
Ladies. Cliff Whiteley, tellin' it how it wasn't. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:49 | |
Take a pew. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
Right. What seems to be the problemo? | 0:23:52 | 0:23:57 | |
The problem is all of the history books about the Crimean War | 0:23:57 | 0:24:00 | |
only seem to mention one nurse. | 0:24:00 | 0:24:02 | |
-Florence Nightingale. -Florence Nightingale! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
Well, I should hope so, too. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
We did a great deal of work ensuring Old Flo went down in history. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:11 | |
-What a catchphrase! -The lady with the lamp. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
Whallop! | 0:24:15 | 0:24:16 | |
-You forget about me? -No offence, love, but I ain't never heard of ya. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:21 | |
Me sold up me home in Jamaica and paid for me ticket to the Crimea. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:25 | |
When me get there, me built me own hostel with me own money | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
to provide care for the injured British soldiers. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
-Wow! -Yes, yes, but it was my military hospitals | 0:24:31 | 0:24:35 | |
that dealt with all the really nasty injuries. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
Not just you. I'd actually go out | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
and treat the injuries upon the battlefield! | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
Well, I did pioneering work in cleanliness and hygiene. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:47 | |
I worked in cholera and tropical medicine. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
Well, I invented the pie chart. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
You did really invent the pie chart? | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
-Yes, I did. -I did not know that. | 0:24:56 | 0:24:58 | |
All right, ladies, chill out. Asseyez-vous. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:02 | |
Now, Mary, how come she's famous and I ain't never heard of ya? | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
When the war ended, one of us was still rich and influential | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
and could go on to do great work, | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
whilst the other was just a poor, penniless black woman. | 0:25:13 | 0:25:17 | |
That is terrible, after everything you did. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:21 | |
-Let's see if we can't get you publicity. -What? | 0:25:21 | 0:25:23 | |
Shut it, Lampy Knickers! | 0:25:23 | 0:25:25 | |
Now, we'll get you a statue, obviously. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:29 | |
Maybe get a university wing named after you. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
Oh! How would you feel about being featured | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
in an historical sketch show for the BBC? | 0:25:34 | 0:25:38 | |
-It any good? -It ain't bad. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:41 | |
Whallop! | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
Yes. A statue of Mary Seacole in central London | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
hopefully means more people will now know who she is. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:51 | |
Top work, Cliff! | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
Now, where's my statue, eh? Eh? | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
Of course, when you learnt about people in Victorian schools, | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
you learnt the proper Victorian way - by repetition. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:04 | |
Queen Victoria was born in 1819. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
ALL: Queen Victoria was born in 1819. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:15 | |
Queen Victoria became Queen in 1837. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:19 | |
ALL: Queen Victoria became Queen in 1837. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:23 | |
Bleatherby! We do not drink ink! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:27 | |
ALL: Bleatherby! We do not drink ink! | 0:26:27 | 0:26:31 | |
No, no. That was just for Bleatherby. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
ALL: No, no. That was just for Bleatherby. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:37 | |
Children, you do not have to repeat everything I say. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
ALL: Children, you do not have to repeat everything I say. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:44 | |
-Stop it! -ALL: Stop it! -Stop it! -ALL: Stop it! | 0:26:44 | 0:26:48 | |
-I smell of wee. -ALL: You smell of wee. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
Ha-ha! That wasn't exact repetition. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
ALL: Ha-ha! That wasn't exact repetition. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:58 | |
-Argh! -ALL: Argh! | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
The headmaster's coming! | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
Behave, or the silly old goat will drag me to his office. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
Is everything all right, Mr Hanrahan? | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
ALL: The headmaster's coming. | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
Behave, or the silly old goat will drag me to his office. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:18 | |
Mr Hanrahan, a word in my office, please. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:22 | |
-(Thanks a bunch!) -ALL: You're welcome. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:26 | |
# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
Want to travel through the time sewers with me? | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:38 | |
Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:41 | |
# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. # | 0:27:41 | 0:27:45 |