Browse content similar to Episode 7. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:03 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat | 0:00:18 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
In the Middle Ages, | 0:00:36 | 0:00:37 | |
you really didn't want to get into a fight with a knight - oh, no! | 0:00:37 | 0:00:41 | |
But if you refused to fight, things could still get quite messy. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:45 | |
Oh, I can't look! | 0:00:45 | 0:00:46 | |
FRENCH ACCENT: You, peasant, where is your master? | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
What? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:54 | |
Your master, the knight, where is he? | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
I'm up here. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Give me your land and your castle. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Oh, you want me to give you my land and my castle? | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
It's not going to happen. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Hand them over, or else. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
Or else what? | 0:01:08 | 0:01:09 | |
What are you going to do to me up here? | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
I can do this... | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
Ahhh! | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Oh! Oh, no, that is my peasant! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
Maybe I cannot get to you but I can get to your property. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:22 | |
Owww! | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
Ah! Stop it! | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
How is he going to farm my crops when he only has one leg? | 0:01:25 | 0:01:28 | |
He won't be able to, | 0:01:28 | 0:01:29 | |
but you'll still have to pay for his upkeep. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
I don't believe this! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
-Now give me your land and your castle or they all get it. -Yeah, | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
hand over your castle! | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
-Thank you. -No problem. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:39 | |
-Never! -Arm or leg? | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Arm I suppose. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
-So sorry about this. -No, no, I... | 0:01:43 | 0:01:44 | |
Ow! | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
-Oh! -Now will you give me your land and your castle? -Absolutely not. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
OK, same time tomorrow. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
-What? -If you don't hand them over I will come back. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
Son, you are so stubborn. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
I take after you, Papa! | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
By the way, give my love to Maman. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
Of course. Au revoir. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
Children, I tell you - | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
I don't know what to do with them. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
HE PANTS | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
A fight like that really did take place in France in the 1100s | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
between a father and his son. Incredible! | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
But not as incredible as the story of Joan of Arc | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
who lead the French army against the English aged only 14. Yeah, 14! | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
Joan claimed she was told to do it by an angel. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
Imagine that! | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
I'm imagining it, I'm imagining it... | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
I'm imagining it! | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
Joan of Arc? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
What? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:38 | |
Are you Joan of Arc? | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
-Yeah. -I am a vision of St Michael, I've been sent by God to find you. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:44 | |
Pull zee other one! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:45 | |
Seriously. You've been chosen to lead the French army | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
against the oppressive English invaders. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
Nah, there must have been a mix up. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
-Why would you say that? -Well, | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
because A) I'm just an illiterate peasant, | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
C) I'm a girl | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
and A) I'm 14! | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
I mean, sweeping up and darning socks I can do, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:06 | |
but military leadership, not so much! | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
He definitely said, I wrote it on my hand and everything. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
Are you sure it wasn't John of Arc, the bloke next door? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
Did someone call? | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
John, have you been waiting on God to call on you | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
to lead France in a glorious victory against the English? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
Yes, I have. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:27 | |
No, it definitely says Joan. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
Right, um... | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
-Sorry, John, false alarm. -OK. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
I'm just next door if you need me. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:35 | |
-Stay cool. -Sorry, mate. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
So, um, what am I supposed to do? | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Convene with God, predict the future, | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
lead the French army to victory and restore the King to his throne. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:48 | |
Beats sweeping up! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
I bet, yeah. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
OK. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
Oh, | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
who will darn all the villagers' socks? | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
Ow! This is definitely what God wants? | 0:03:58 | 0:04:02 | |
But, I mean, look... | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
OK, so John of Arc was just made up and silly, but Joan of Arc, | 0:04:07 | 0:04:11 | |
well, she was real | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
and went on to defeat the English at Orleans in 1429. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:17 | |
Sadly she was eventually captured by the English | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
who claimed she was a witch, yeah, and they burned her at the stake. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
Well, what do you expect, this is HORRIBLE Histories. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Welcome to Ready Steady Feast. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
Now, aye, aye me hearties and shiver me timbers, | 0:04:39 | 0:04:43 | |
please welcome aboard the infamous pirate, Captain Ned Low. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:47 | |
Arrr. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
Arrrr, right back at you. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
So, pirate Ned, what have you got for us? Salted meat? Sea biscuits? | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
No, no, no, no, no. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
I only deal with the freshest ingredients. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
I likes the meat to still be warm. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
OK, well let's see what's in your pirate booty. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
There we are, fresh out the bag. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
Well, we don't normally allow helpers. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
Helpers? They're not helpers, they're the ingredients. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:20 | |
AUDIENCE GASP | 0:05:20 | 0:05:21 | |
Stop your fidgeting, you scurvy knaves. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
This one here's a Spanish prisoner. I'm going to cut out his heart. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
Then I'm going to takes this Frenchman and burn 'im alive. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:32 | |
Finally, I'm going to cut the ears off this here swabby, | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
sprinkle them with a little bit of salt | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
and then makes him eat them. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:40 | |
I hope you're not vegetarian. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Oh... | 0:05:42 | 0:05:43 | |
Well, I thought you were going to eat them. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
-I don't eats them. -No. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
Frankly I'm quite offended, what do you think I am. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
I just does all that for the fun! | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
Grubs up! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
Arrr! | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
You can see why no one wanted to be captured by us pirates. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
So when we was at sea, we had to use some pretty clever tricks. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:14 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:06:14 | 0:06:15 | |
Hold fast, lads. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Looks like there's a lady on board! | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
-Hello, gorgeous! -I saw her first. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
BOTH: OH! | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
I'm going to put my patch over my good eye, like that. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
That be horrible. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:27 | |
It's me, your captain! | 0:06:27 | 0:06:28 | |
So it is! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Shiver me timbers! | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
Captain, seriously, what is going on? | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
It's my brilliant new tactic for capturing rich merchant ships. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:39 | |
If they think we're all women, | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
they'll never guess we're actually pirates. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
ALL: Arrrr! | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
We can sail nice and close to their ship, leap aboard, | 0:06:45 | 0:06:49 | |
slaughter the lot of them, | 0:06:49 | 0:06:50 | |
and steal all their treasure! | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
ALL: Arrrr! | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
Here be your disguises, | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
-Ooh, no, no. -No... | 0:06:56 | 0:06:57 | |
-Right, what's the problem? -Well, | 0:06:57 | 0:07:00 | |
-won't we look a bit...girly? -OK. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
Hands up who's got a better idea? | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
I said hands up, Jack. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:06 | |
THEY ALL LAUGH | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
Oh, Jack's got a suggestion. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
OK, what if we was to lower the Jolly Roger | 0:07:12 | 0:07:16 | |
and put up the distress flag instead. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
A ship always has to come to the help of another ship in distress. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
When they look through their telescopes and see pirates | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
they'll be long gone. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
What if we was to make it look like we've all been massacred? | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
Arrr! Huh? | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
We lays on deck, covers ourselves in red paint, | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
pretend that we've been slaughtered. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Then the crew come aboard, we spring to life, | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
grab our cutlasses and suddenly it's... | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
HE MAKES SLICING AND STABBING NOISES | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
They be the dead ones! | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
ALL: Arrrr! | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
Nice one, Jack, high five. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
-Seriously, why would you do that? -Sorry. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
Hand out the red paint, Jack. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:55 | |
Oh, um... | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
(I didn't bring any red paint.) | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
-What did you say? -I said I didn't bring any red paint. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
He didn't bring any paint. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:04 | |
Back to plan A. Get these blouses on, ladies. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:08 | |
Fancy the pink one! | 0:08:08 | 0:08:09 | |
I want the pink one, that's my birth colour. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
Please don't do... | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
Ow! | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
Did you know we Victorians were a very inventive bunch? | 0:08:19 | 0:08:24 | |
But sometimes the old methods are the best methods. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
Good day. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
This is Victorian Dragon's Den. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
This is Victorian Britain, an age of enterprise and industry | 0:08:36 | 0:08:40 | |
when many great inventions were... well, invented by inventors. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
So can any of tonight's candidates | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
convince the dragons to put money behind their ideas? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
First up, it's Mr Nathaniel Twonk. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
Gentlemen | 0:08:53 | 0:08:54 | |
and lady. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:55 | |
Allow me to explain a most efficacious device | 0:08:55 | 0:08:59 | |
that I have invented. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
I call it the automatic bottle washer. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
This device will automatically wash bottles for hours on end, | 0:09:04 | 0:09:09 | |
without the need for attention or adjustment. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:13 | |
-Ah! -Marvellous, yes, I'm in. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
I'm in. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
I'm in. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Our next hopeful inventor is Mrs Edwina Gruelbucket. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:28 | |
Gentlemen and madam, | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
I wish to present you with a golden opportunity | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
to invest in my most marvellous invention. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
The automatic potato harvester. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:40 | |
-Wonderful! -I'm in. -I'm in. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
Well it's been a good day for our hopefuls so far, | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
let's see if Sir Chesterton Widebelly can make it a clean sweep. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
Lady and Gentlemen. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
I have invented something which I believe will truly change the world. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:58 | |
I call it, | 0:09:59 | 0:10:00 | |
the vacuum cleaner. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
But what does it do? | 0:10:11 | 0:10:12 | |
It sucks... | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
-Oh, dear. -It sucks all right. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
The dragons aren't impressed. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
Never mind. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
Can Chesterton win them round? | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
You could use this instead. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
ENTHUSIASTIC MUMBLING | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
That's more like it, yes, I'm in. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
I'm in. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
I'm in, yes. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:33 | |
The Victorians made children do all sorts of terrible jobs. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:39 | |
But they also invented lots of technology. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
Electricity, the railway, steel ships, the car, the radio... | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
Oh for goodness sake, just listen to this. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
# T'was the age of Queen Victoria's | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
# A period notorious | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
# So many brand new goods we did create. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
# Our list is long and glorious though I don't intend to bore yous | 0:11:00 | 0:11:05 | |
# Was a time of great invention | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
# Was it really what did we invent then? | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
# Well I'm just about to mention | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
# Drum roll please let's raise the tension... # | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
We invented... | 0:11:15 | 0:11:16 | |
This musical. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:19 | |
Is that all? | 0:11:19 | 0:11:20 | |
Well... | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
# A chap called Henry Bessemer invented molten steel | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
# Which lead to other chaps creating the automobile | 0:11:27 | 0:11:31 | |
# Which lead to petrol tyres and bikes | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
# So all that was required | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
# Roads so concrete came and tarmac thought up too | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
# You're hired! | 0:11:37 | 0:11:38 | |
BOTH: # Ohhh | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
# Concrete, tarmac, steel | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
# The automobile | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
# Seal of rubber wheel | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
# Such inventive zeal | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
# Still there's plenty to reveal | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
# Victorian brains worked overtime to come up with ideas | 0:11:51 | 0:11:55 | |
# We invented light bulbs | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
-# Nice one! -Cheers! | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
# Typewriters and radios now news was fast conveyed, hello | 0:11:59 | 0:12:03 | |
# The telephone was no good till a second phone was made, hello! | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
BOTH: # Our inventors did not snooze | 0:12:06 | 0:12:10 | |
# Always had another ruse | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
# The latest flushing loos | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
# Films that did amuse | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
# Flashbulb cameras to use | 0:12:15 | 0:12:19 | |
# What a picture, what a picture | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
# Vacuum cleaners, toilet paper post boxes and stamps | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
# Toilets aspirin, anaesthetics locks, electric lamps | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
# Sewing machines, x-rays, comics | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
# Ice-cream in a pot | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
# Easter eggs and rockets | 0:12:34 | 0:12:35 | |
# We invented the whole lot. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
# Ohhh. # | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
Hang on, there's more. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
# Trains and lines and bridges and the underground as well | 0:12:41 | 0:12:45 | |
# Paddle steamers, prams and disinfectant for their smell | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
# Sterile doctors instruments one last unmentioned brand | 0:12:48 | 0:12:52 | |
# Victorians invented the world's first conveyor band | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
# Cuddly toy? # | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
Invented 1902 - the year AFTER Victoria died. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:01 | |
BOTH: # Ohhh | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
# Barometers were new | 0:13:03 | 0:13:04 | |
# Iron ships are cool | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
# What genius | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
# Thank you Seems we're almost through | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
BOTH: # Just one little oversight... # | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
We invented dynamite. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
Yeah, it's probably a good idea. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
No, really, he does stink. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:46 | |
All right. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
And soap wasn't the only way Saxons had of cleansing things. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:08 | |
No, darling, don't touch it, it's fallen in that poo. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
Don't worry, | 0:14:19 | 0:14:20 | |
Mummy knows what to do. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
'New Saxon Sign of the ross. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
'Now cleansing action is more powerful than ever.' | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
There. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:28 | |
It's all pure and cleansed. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
You can eat it now. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
'Protect you and your family.' | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
Are you sure? | 0:14:34 | 0:14:35 | |
Yes, darling, I've done the sign of the cross over it. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
'Saxon Sign of the Cross kills all household germs...dead.' | 0:14:38 | 0:14:43 | |
'Warning, spiritual blessings | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
'are unlikely to kill any germs whatsoever. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
'Eating poo is a very bad idea.' | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
OK, so the sign of the cross didn't actually work. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:54 | |
No wonder in Saxon times we had some very unpleasant diseases. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:59 | |
Hello, Engelbert, how you doing? | 0:15:01 | 0:15:02 | |
All right, Edwin? Yeah, mustn't grumble, mustn't grumble. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:06 | |
I see you've still got a nasty case of that ergotism. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
Yeah, I think I must have eaten some bread | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
that was infected with that ergot fungus, you know? | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
It's like me arms and legs are on fire. I can't stop from twitching. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:17 | |
How are you, all right? See you've still got some fleas then. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
That's right, Edwin. I just can't seem to shake them. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
-Have you tried having a bath? -Yeah, I had a bath only a year ago | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
and I've tried that new Saxon cure. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
Locked all my flea-infested clothes in an air-tight box. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
I heard about that one, yeah. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
Supposed to suffocate the fleas, isn't it? | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
-Does it work? -What do you think!? | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
Maybe you should try some new clothes or something. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
I'm wearing some new underwear, but it's definitely not helping. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
-What's it made of, mate? -Stinging nettles! | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
Argh! | 0:15:46 | 0:15:47 | |
Well, anyway, good to see you, mate, hope the fleas clear up a bit. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
-Yeah, I hope your ergotism gets better. -Oh, I'll be fine. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
If it was anything serious something would have dropped off by now. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:57 | |
Anyway, good to see you mate. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:58 | |
Good to see you. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
Take care. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:01 | |
Edwin? I think you left something behind. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
It's true, ergotism gave you gangrene, | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
which meant bits of you could just drop off. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:13 | |
Arms, check. Legs, check. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
Taily... | 0:16:16 | 0:16:17 | |
Taily, where are you, Taily! Taily! Taily! | 0:16:17 | 0:16:21 | |
Oh, there you are! | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
Ha-ha! Little Taily. Thank goodness. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:27 | |
Hello and welcome to the News At When. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
When? The 1600s when the people of Britain went to war with each other | 0:16:40 | 0:16:44 | |
to decide whether they wanted the country ruled by a king | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
or ruled by Parliament. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:49 | |
With more details, it's over to Bob with the Civil War report. Bob. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:54 | |
Thank you, Sam. Well, it's 1625 and I hope you're dressed smartly | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
because here comes the king. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:58 | |
Yes, it's King Charles I and right from day one | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
he is stirring up trouble. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:02 | |
He's supposed to be Protestant like the Church of England, | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
but he keeps doing very Catholicy things like marrying a Catholic, | 0:17:05 | 0:17:09 | |
praying like a Catholic and wearing a I-Love-Catholics t-shirt. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
Except not the last one. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:13 | |
Charlie's behaviour annoys a lot of people, | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
especially in Parliament down here in London. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
So Charlie tells them to take some time off, about ten years in fact, | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
leaving him in charge, which is fun. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
But not for long. First the Scots, | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
sick of this bossy, Catholic-loving king start a war against him | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
and then the Irish, sick of English people stealing all their land | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
start another war against him | 0:17:32 | 0:17:33 | |
and wars are very expensive so Charlie brings back Parliament | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
so he can ask them for some money. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:38 | |
And they say, "No, because you tried to get rid of us, remember?" | 0:17:38 | 0:17:42 | |
Instead they give him a list of what they don't like about him. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
Talk about trouble. Over the next two years the country divides in two | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
with some people siding with Charlie, that's the Cavaliers, | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
and others siding with Parliament - the Roundheads. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
Until in 1642, here in Nottingham, civil war is declared. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
And what a war it is. In fact if we look at the fight-o-meter | 0:17:57 | 0:18:01 | |
we can see that at the first major battle, victory goes to... | 0:18:01 | 0:18:05 | |
No-one at all, how very dull, it's a dead heat. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
But in round two here in London the winner is... | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
Oh, a great result for the Roundheads. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
Followed by a real killing by the Cavaliers in the West Country. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
And then another win for the king up north | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
taking Bolton, Preston, Wigan and Liverpool, | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
where my cousin runs a dry cleaners just off the high street. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
Half price on Wednesdays - worth remembering. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
But the kings luck can't last. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
It's complete murder at Marston Moor followed by a knockout at Newbury | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
and annihilation at Naseby. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
In fact he's doing so badly he's broken our thingy! | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
But Charlie has an idea. He'll make a truce with the Scots | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
if they'll help him fight the Roundheads. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
Which is absolutely brilliant. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:41 | |
Except it doesn't work and they just hand him over to Parliament. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:45 | |
So, the Roundheads win, the Cavaliers lose | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
and that is the end of that. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
But not for long! It soon becomes clear that the Roundhead leader, | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
Oliver Cromwell is as much fun as stinging nettle underpants, | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
so the Scots finally form an alliance with Charlie | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
to overthrow Cromwell. Yes, it's Civil War - Part Two! | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
With the Scots and Cavaliers fighting on the same side, | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
they can't lose. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
Or so we thought. Cromwell crushes both of them | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
and it's goodbye Civil War, goodbye Charlie's head | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
and goodbye kings and queens all together. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Cromwell is now in charge of the country and with the warring over, | 0:19:13 | 0:19:17 | |
Olli can stop being mean to the Cavaliers | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
and start being mean to the rest of us. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
He turns Britain into a Puritan state | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
which means banning anything that's fun, | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
including sport, theatre and Christmas. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
Then he runs out of stuff to ban, gets bored and dies. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
So his son, Richard takes over but he's about as much use | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
as a jelly pickaxe and before long the people of Britain | 0:19:33 | 0:19:36 | |
just want the petty Puritans out, and the crazy kings back. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
Yes, Prince Charles is welcomed home with open arms | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
and becomes King Charles II and the monarchy is restored! | 0:19:41 | 0:19:44 | |
It's The Restoration which gives us lots of fun things | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
like Restoration comedies, | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
fashion and furniture, including this delightful mahogany bureau. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
Now, do I hear £750, 750 for the bureau, | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
750 once at the back, | 0:19:55 | 0:19:56 | |
I've got 800 for the bureau, 800 going once at 800, | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
900 for the bureau, 950 at the back there, | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
I've got £1,000, | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
£1,000, going once at £1,000, twice at £1,000, | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
SOLD for £1,000 for the beautiful lady with a beautiful bowl haircut. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:09 | |
And back to you, Sam. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:10 | |
One of the decisive battles of the English Civil War | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
was at Marston Moor, but what happened there | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
was unusual to say the least. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
Let's go over live to Mike Peabody | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
to find out what actually happened. Mike. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
I'm here at Marston Moor just west of York - | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
The site that promises to become one of the most brutal | 0:20:30 | 0:20:33 | |
and bloodiest battles of the whole Civil War. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
I'm hoping to catch up with Prince Rupert, | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
leader of the Royalist forces, | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
who's currently preparing his Cavalier army for...dinner. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
What ho, old bean. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
Hello. Mike Peabody, HHTV News. Prince Rupert, hello. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:50 | |
I couldn't help but notice you're not actually preparing for battle. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
Of course, not. It's gone 7 o'clock, only an hour of daylight left. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:57 | |
Not enough time for a battle, but plenty of time for a slap up feed! | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
So I've ordered the entire Cavalier army to down weapons | 0:21:01 | 0:21:05 | |
and have supper. Sit down, join us. Pheasant? | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
-No, I'm a Duke. -THEY LAUGH | 0:21:08 | 0:21:12 | |
-Pheasant, peasant - get it? -Yes, very good. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:16 | |
The problem is, there are thousands of enemy Roundheads | 0:21:16 | 0:21:19 | |
just over there on the other side of the moor. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
Aren't you a little bit worried? | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
Well, yes, I am rather worried. I'm going to die... | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
of thirst! Pass me the wine, old man! | 0:21:26 | 0:21:30 | |
-To the King. -The King! | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
What happens if the Roundheads launch a surprise attack? | 0:21:32 | 0:21:36 | |
Hold on! I think I hear something. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
HE BURPS | 0:21:40 | 0:21:42 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
No, you big ninny. No-one's going to start a long battle | 0:21:44 | 0:21:47 | |
this late in the day, it's just not how we do things in the Stewart era. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:51 | |
If they would attack now, we would... Argh! | 0:21:51 | 0:21:54 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
Right. Right. Now you listen. I have a butter knife | 0:21:57 | 0:22:00 | |
and I'm not afraid to use it, so get back. This is Mike Peabody, | 0:22:00 | 0:22:03 | |
HHTV News at the surprise Roundhead attack at Marston Moor, | 0:22:03 | 0:22:07 | |
really wishing he was somewhere else. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
You, get back or I will spread you, I am not joking! | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
When the Romans invaded Britain, | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
they had a bit of a problem in East Anglia. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
The land they found there was wet and marshy. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
Very, very wet and very, very marshy. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
But then one Roman general had a bright idea - | 0:22:32 | 0:22:36 | |
Why don't we use stilts? | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
His plan worked brilliantly. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
The stilts stopped the Romans getting wet. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
But there was on small problem - | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
the Celts worked out that the Romans on stilts... | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
Argh! | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
..were very easy to knock over. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
The Romans fell like dominos and the Celts swiftly finished them off. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:58 | |
Ah, well. I guess it's back to the drawing tablet. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:01 | |
And quickly. Argh! | 0:23:01 | 0:23:03 | |
And don't come back! | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
HE CLEARS THROAT | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
Sorry about that. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:09 | |
Unfortunately lots of Romans did end up settling in Britain | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
and they were very different from us Celts. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
Welcome to this special Celtic episode of Historical Wife Swap. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:19 | |
This is Mr and Mrs Celt. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
Their family have lived in Britain for centuries | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
and they're doing a wife swap with their new neighbours - | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
the Romans. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
Originally from Italy, they've recently conquered Britain. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:32 | |
How will these two very different cultures get on? | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
Hello. I'm Mrs Roman. You must be Mr Celt. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:42 | |
Hello, Mrs Roman. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
-Oh, what a lovely stable. -Stable? No, no, this is our home. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:48 | |
-Oh. -I just haven't had the chance to make it look nice, you know. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:53 | |
I was just about to put up these decorations. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:55 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:23:57 | 0:23:58 | |
Enemy head battle trophies. | 0:23:58 | 0:23:59 | |
I was thinking of putting this one up here. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:02 | |
What do you think? Er, oh... Hello? Where's she gone? | 0:24:04 | 0:24:09 | |
We Romans build our villas with stones and plaster, | 0:24:09 | 0:24:13 | |
and I asked that fur ball what Celts make their walls out of. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:17 | |
and it is only sticks and - get this - | 0:24:17 | 0:24:21 | |
animal poo. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
Ugh! | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
But how is Mrs Celt faring at the Roman villa? | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
Hello...oh! | 0:24:28 | 0:24:29 | |
Sorry, sorry! | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
It's the price you pay for having such long, beautiful Celtic hair. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:35 | |
-I'm Geldir. -You're a bit late, aren't you? | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
I was expecting you first thing. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
But it is first thing! | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
But it's nightfall. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:42 | |
But to us Celts, nightfall is the start of the new day. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:46 | |
I see! | 0:24:46 | 0:24:47 | |
Well, I'm afraid you've missed supper. It's a shame, | 0:24:47 | 0:24:51 | |
I've laid on peacock rissoles. But do have an apple! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
What on Earth is that?! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
It's fruit! You eat it. | 0:24:56 | 0:24:57 | |
It's delicious, we brought them over from Italy. | 0:24:57 | 0:25:00 | |
That's not half bad! | 0:25:05 | 0:25:07 | |
We're off to a good start! | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:25:09 | 0:25:10 | |
So, will dinner time in the Celtic hut go smoothly? | 0:25:10 | 0:25:14 | |
-Are you no' hungry? -No, I think I've lost my appetite. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:18 | |
I'd like to go to bed now. Can you show me where my bedroom is, please? | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
-HE LAUGHS -Bedroom? That's a good one! | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
We have a wolf skin on the floor over there to keep you warm. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:28 | |
CRACKING Ow! | 0:25:30 | 0:25:31 | |
I cut my foot! | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
What...? | 0:25:33 | 0:25:34 | |
Ewww! | 0:25:34 | 0:25:35 | |
It...it's his teeth and... | 0:25:35 | 0:25:38 | |
Ooh, that's a nasty cut. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:40 | |
We'll soon sort that out with top-of-the-range Celtic medicine! | 0:25:40 | 0:25:44 | |
-HE WHISTLES -Here, boy! | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
-A lick of the dog's tongue'll heal that up! -BARKING | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
-HE WHISTLES -Here, boy! Where is he? | 0:25:49 | 0:25:52 | |
-Here, boy! -HE CHUCKLES | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
Where is the... | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
Hello? | 0:25:56 | 0:25:57 | |
How are the sleeping arrangements in the luxurious Roman villa? | 0:25:57 | 0:26:00 | |
-You'll be staying in the guest bedroom this evening. -On the floor. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:04 | |
-On the bed! -A bed! | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
-Oh! -You should be warm enough, | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
I've got the slaves stoking the central heating. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:12 | |
And in the morning, you can just have a nice, hot bath. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
A hot bath?! | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
Or a dip in the mosaic pool in the peacock garden, if you prefer. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
Then the slaves will get you dressed. | 0:26:20 | 0:26:23 | |
Oh! I think I'm going to like it here after all! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
This new Roman fruit is delicious! | 0:26:26 | 0:26:30 | |
Apples, pears, plums... | 0:26:30 | 0:26:33 | |
Yummy! | 0:26:33 | 0:26:34 | |
And they've even brought new animals over to Britain, too. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:37 | |
And they're so cute! | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
MIAOWING Oh, look! Here's one now! | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
Here, puss-puss! | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
Here, puss...ow! | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
Well, the wife swap is over | 0:26:45 | 0:26:46 | |
and it's clear not everyone has enjoyed their experience. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:50 | |
I have had the most awful time. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:53 | |
You Celts - you eat like animals, you sleep on the floor, | 0:26:53 | 0:26:57 | |
your huts are made of animal poo, | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
decorated with severed heads, | 0:26:59 | 0:27:02 | |
you're savages. | 0:27:02 | 0:27:03 | |
All right, dear, no need to be rude. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
No, Marcus! I'm sorry. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
I want you to take me back to Rome. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:09 | |
I miss the climate, the neighbours, the civilisation... | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
Aye, that's right! | 0:27:12 | 0:27:13 | |
You get yourselves back to Rome, ya stuck-up idiots! | 0:27:13 | 0:27:17 | |
You might not appreciate our dirty, stinky hut, but tae us, it's home! | 0:27:17 | 0:27:22 | |
When you talk to my wife like that, I will get angry. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
Get out of here, pal! | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
-Nasty. -Come on, love. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
Let's go home. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
Any chance you could take me with you? Oh! | 0:27:31 | 0:27:33 | |
# Tall tales, atrocious acts | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
# We gave you all the fearsome facts... # | 0:27:37 | 0:27:38 | |
Want to travel through the time series with me? | 0:27:38 | 0:27:41 | |
Then play Horrible Histories, Terrible Treasures. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:45 | |
Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:48 | |
# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. # | 0:27:48 | 0:27:52 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:27:52 | 0:27:53 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:27:53 | 0:27:55 |