Episode 10 Horrible Histories


Episode 10

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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights

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# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times

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# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...

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# Horrible Histories. #

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Once upon a time a loving king married a beautiful queen

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and they lived happily ever after.

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Unfortunately this isn't that story.

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It's the story of Philip II of Spain and Mary I of England.

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Mm, if I married the Queen of England,

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I'll rule the two greatest powers in the world,

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the Spain and England.

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Great plan, Sire. Though I should warn you

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I have seen the Queen of England in an oil painting,

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and she's no oil painting.

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I don't care what she looks like, it's the power I'm after.

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Oh, aren't I bad!

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It was to be the happiest day of their lives.

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We are gathered here today

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to join this Queen and this King in holy matrimony.

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Oh, happy day.

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Time out.

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Your Majesty, remember the plan!

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If you marry Mary, you could be the most powerful man in the world.

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But look at the state of her! Hang on.

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I suppose I could marry her then run back to Spain,

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then I'd have all the power and never have to see her again.

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Ooh, I'm so bad! Go on, you can boo if you like.

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Right, I'm back.

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I now pronounce you man and wife.

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How about a kiss?

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Why not?

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I'm off.

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Has anyone got any matches? I fancy burning some Protestants.

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All right, how's it going?

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Oh, my life, is that the time? Later.

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Sire, your wife is dead.

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Oh, that is a weight off.

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Seriously, shall we have a party?

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It's too soon. Ooh! I can go to England now and claim the kingdom.

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There is a slight problem with that.

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Because you'd hardly ever been there and you're Catholic and foreign,

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they decided to give the crown to your wife's sister.

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Oh, the cheek of it.

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If I marry the new Queen of England,

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I'll rule the two greatest powers in the world, Spain and England.

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Ooh! Aren't I bad?

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Philip did propose to Mary's half sister Queen Elizabeth I,

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but she turned him down.

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I'm not sure he would have found her that much more attractive.

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As a famous monarch I'm always being asked

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how I keep my teeth looking so bright, white and healthy.

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Truly, you have the most beautiful teeth in the land, your majesty.

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I know. And it's thanks to all new Tudor Sugar-Paste toothpaste.

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The sugary paste in all-new Tudor Sugar-Paste toothpaste

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is made up of sugar in a paste.

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Just rub the sugary paste all over your teeth and gums

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and watch all that sugary goodness get to work.

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Yes, use all new Tudor Sugar-Paste toothpaste on your teeth

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and you too could have teeth just like Queen Elizabeth's!

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And the best thing is, sugar is so expensive in Tudor times,

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that only posh people can afford it.

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Plus, buy all-new Tudor Sugar-Paste toothpaste now

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and get this sugar mouth wash absolutely free.

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For sugary rotten teeth that say "I'm stinking rich."

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I'm stinking rich.

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Argh! When you spend months at sea like us pirates,

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you can't be too picky about what you eat now.

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Four eager chefs, four historical eras.

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But just one prize. Who will be crowned Historical Masterchef?

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I like eating nice food.

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And so do I. Ha ha ha!

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One-eyed Bart became cook onboard pirate vessel

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the Black Pig after he lost his arm.

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He could no longer climb the rigging or fight in battles.

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I like to think of it as not so much losing a hand as gaining a utensil.

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Ha ha haaa!

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-Lost it to a cutlass, so I did.

-What about your eye?

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Oh, no, that was my fault. I got an itch in it and forgot about the hand.

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Ha ha ha ha!

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For his first course, Bart has prepared a traditional pirate soup.

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Well, the no-frills presentation is certainly original.

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What sort of meat is it exactly?

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It's turtle.

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-Can't eat turtle!

-Oh, sure you can, man.

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They're the best type of food for a long voyage.

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You flip them on to their backs so they can't, you know, scamper away

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-and then you got all the fresh meat you want.

-But aren't they endangered?

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They are when I'm around. Argh-haha!

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For his main course, Bart has prepared a spicy pirate stew.

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It's called salmagundi. Dig in, fellas, dig in.

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-Unusual taste combination.

-What's in it?

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You got your pork, chicken, duck, pigeon,

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er, your whale, your seagull, your dolphin.

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I wondered where he'd got to.

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Yeah, we just keep the stew boiling away throughout the voyage

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and throw in any meat we lay our hands on.

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Do you mean to tell me that some of the meat in there

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-has been stewing away for weeks?

-No, no. Months.

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-John, get me some water to get the taste out.

-Can we get some water?

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-TRICKLING

-What are you doing?

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Bart, what are you doing? Oh, that's happened.

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Well, when you run out of water on a pirate ship, it's drink wee or die.

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Mind you, some of me shipmates drank wee and died.

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And some went mad. Hurrgh! Not me though, no.

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I'm not going to drink your wee, mate.

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Does this mean I've not got through? JOHN CHUCKLES

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Bart, not in a million, billion years have you got...

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Congratulations, you are through to the next round. Well done, mate.

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That's wonderful news!

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Cheers! Mmm...

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HE GROANS

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Tchuh! You'd have to be pretty hungry to eat a rat. Ow!

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Unless, of course...ow! ..you were a flea. Ow! Stop it, Marcus.

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As well as some strange eating habits,

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pirates had some truly bizarre superstitions.

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Ow! Enough already! Huhhh!

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Pirate weather forecast with Captain Saltybeard.

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Ahoy my hearties, and welcome to the pirate weather forecast,

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predicting the weather using the very latest pirate superstitions.

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Arrr! Now a black cat was seen on a boat today,

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so tomorrow should be dry and sunny.

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Unless some scurvy land-lubbing knave has thrown that black cat

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out of the ship, in which case there will be wind and rain.

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Though not if you can see an albatross!

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Because if you can, it'll be lovely and sunny.

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Unless some weevil-eyed bilge for brain shoots it out of the sky!

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As that'll cause thunder and lightning

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and hail stones, which could make for a bit of a rough voyage.

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You'll be as sick as a parrot! As was my parrot.

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Looking ahead for the rest of the week,

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if you're sailing on Friday, don't.

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That's unlucky, it's when evil witches gather!

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And remember, if you're out on the high seas,

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then do please watch out for pirates.

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Cos we're coming to get ya! Good night.

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Some of the things poor Victorians did for money

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were pretty horrible to say the least. Good day.

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MUSIC: EASTENDERS THEME

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Oh! You're home early, how was your day at work?

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Yeah, not bad, Mummy. Mustn't grumble, mustn't grumble.

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It smells like you collected enough dog poo for the leather tanner.

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Yeah, and then the boss told me to stir all the poo in the tub.

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Oh, you're moving up in the world!

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Before you know it, he'll be paying you as well.

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-Cor, imagine!

-Hello kids! Oh, there she is! Come here, you.

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Father, really! I've only just washed this outfit today.

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All right, sorry. Though tonight we have something to celebrate.

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Feast your mince pies on this.

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It's a handful of poo.

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Well, yeah. But look closer and...

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-Wow, a penny!

-Oh, ain't you clever!

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Your old man has been out toshing.

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There I was traipsing my way through mile after mile of poo-filled sewer,

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looking for coins that had been dropped by the posh,

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when suddenly there it was, glinting away at me in the darkness.

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-Woah!

-Well, after that hard day's work, what you both need

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is a nice hot bath.

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Oh, that's what I love about you, Mother, your sense of humour!

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-As if we have hot water.

-Or a bath. Ha ha ha!

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Oh, and that's not the only good news.

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I've only gone and got myself an evening job, as a night soilman.

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-Cor!

-From now on, your old man's going to spend his evenings

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collecting buckets of poo from other people's outside lavvies.

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Oh, and to think my father said you'd never amount to anything!

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Come here. BABY CRIES

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Oh, hey up.

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Think her nappy needs changing. I think it must be your turn.

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No, no way. That is disgusting.

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The practice of toshing for coins was only possible after 1865

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when Joseph Bazalgette invented the London sewer system,

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or as I like to call it, home.

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Before then, living conditions were even more unhealthy.

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Fortunately Victorian medicine was highly sophisticated.

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Yeah, right(!)

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Don't worry, Jenny. I've called an ambulance,

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they'll be here any minute.

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-Make way, make way, make way!

-Historical paramedics.

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-You're paramedics?

-Better. We're historical paramedics.

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-From Victorian England. God save the Queen!

-God save the Queen!

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Now what appears to be the ailment?

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It's my sister, we were coming back from town

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and she has these terrible stomach pains.

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Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

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-That top hats are fabulous?

-No. They are.

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I'm thinking that this lady has tapeworm.

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I concur. Nigel, fetch me our sharpest blade.

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-You need to operate?

-No. I simply need to cut up this bacon,

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and fry it in close proximity to the patient.

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The smell should tempt the tapeworm out of her stomach

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because it wants to eat the bacon, thus curing her.

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-And does this bacon cure work?

-Infrequently.

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-How infrequently?

-Never.

-Jeff, look!

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-She has some inflammation, it looks like a boil.

-I concur.

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-Nigel, apply the warm porridge.

-No, she's always had that.

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A wart, then. Nigel, this lady, this women,

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is riddled with warts. Bury some string in the ground immediately.

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-It's not a wart, it's a birth mark!

-Is it?

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Hang on, I hear wheezing and congestion.

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-She's got a cold.

-BOTH:

-A cold?!

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-Nigel, fetch me a sock.

-A sock?

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Don't worry, sir. A sweaty sock tied about the throat

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is thought to be the best cure for even the most persistent of colds.

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And that one is really sweaty.

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-I only change them once a week in case they're needed.

-Sugar.

-Treacle.

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That's an excellent cure for a cough.

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Mixed, of course, with beer, rum and vinegar.

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-Open up.

-Get it down you, girl. In there.

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-What about the stomach pains?

-SHOUTS: Does your tummy still hurt?

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-Oh, looks like ear ache.

-Nigel, fetch me a potato.

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What potato?

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The topical application of a potato makes an excellent cure for ear ache.

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There we are, right as rain.

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No need to thank us, sir. Your smile is thanks enough.

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SIREN WAILS A proper ambulance!

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-Soon they will be upon us, we must flee.

-Run away!

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-Run away.

-Hop away.

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Oh, no!

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Those historical ones have been here again. Jane, bring some sponges.

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Oh, and maybe a pan. I think there's some bacon going.

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This is Stone Age Dragon's Den.

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It's about 1.5 million years ago

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and an early homo sapien thinks his amazing new invention

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might interest the Dragons.

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Hello Dragon, me name Ugg.

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Me present this.

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-Oh, not again.

-How many times...

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we already have stone, it's Stone Age. Me out.

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-Me out.

-No, no, wait.

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Looky, watch.

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Ugg's running out of time to impress the Dragons.

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Can his new use of stone win them over?

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Heh, heh... me call it fire.

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-Oh.

-Fire!

-Fire!

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ALL: Fire!

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It looks like the Dragons have declared themselves out.

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Aaahh!

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Oh, me invent burnt finger.

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What we call the Stone Age actually covers lots of different sub-eras.

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There's the Palaeolithic, the Mesolithic, the Neolithic.

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It's quite complicated, what's the best way of explaining it?

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Oh, I know, a song!

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# I'm sure you've heard the Stone Age occurred

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# For 2.5 million years

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# But there's more of Stone Age to engage

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# Than maybe it first appears

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# Dinosaurs, Neanderthals, let's make this clearer

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# Didn't live together, came from different eras

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# That's not all I can tell ya so much more to be known

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# About the many phases in the ages of Stone

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# Shooby dooby do wah, it's all the rage

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# To skiddly-bup do wah Brush up on you Stone Age, oh, yeah

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# All right

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# It's fine to define an era Palaeolithic

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# But you're gonna have to be a little more specific

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# Do you mean lower when ancient beings first used tools

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# Or Middle Palaeolithic when Neanderthal ruled

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# That's when homo sapien starts to emerge

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# But just in Africa, it's long before the global surge

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# Not till Upper Palaeolithic 40,000 years ago

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# Did Neanderthal and homo sapiens say hello

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# Neanderthal and homo sapi

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# Living in cave man harmony

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# Language was invented, cave painting art

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# Then Palaeolithic ended which meant the start

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# Of phase two-be-doobu-do-wop Turn a new page

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# Skiddly bup doo wah Bug up on the Stone Age

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# Oh yeah All right

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# This is where it starts to get all scientific

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# Palaeolithic's followed by the era Mesolithic

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# Then Neanderthals are wiped out by the Ice Age horrific

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# After which the Neolithic age was terrific

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# Man learned to farm, build homes so they could settle

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# Then some other folks turned up and they discovered metal

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# Bigger men from Europe found bronze and outgrown

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# The simple and traditional ways of stone

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# Bronze age was invented By now man was flying

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# Cos hot on its heels came the age of iron

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# Celts, druids, religion then Rome

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# By now a distance memory, those ages of stone

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# Shooby dooby do wah Since that metallic stage

0:16:120:16:15

# Skiddly bup do wah There was no more Stone Age

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# Shooby dooby do wah Now you know what is known

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# About the many phases of the ages of stone

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# Yeah... All right! #

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Welcome back to Stone Age Dragon's Den.

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It's nearly a million and a half years later.

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Not much has been invented since fire,

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but Stone Age man has had a sudden burst of creativity.

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It's time for Arg to enter the den.

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Hello, Dragons.

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Me name Arg.

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Me invent this, right.

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-What is?

-It change world. OK? It wheel, you wheel things, right?

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What wrong with drag things? No! Me out.

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Have you invented anything useful? I'm a busy man.

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Arg has one last chance to impress the Dragons.

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Me also invent this, right?

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-What is?

-Is beer. Me make from barley.

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It grown-up drink. Not for kids.

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It make me feel very dizzy.

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Argh! Me invent big headache.

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-SLURS:

-We give you plenty money.

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-Yes!

-Light weights.

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Arg's beer has made a big impact,

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and for the first time in the den all the Dragons are in.

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Now all Arg needs to invent is a cure for the headache.

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Welcome back to HHTV Sport,

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bringing you live sporting events direct from the past.

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Today we've got exclusive coverage of the Olympics from ancient Greece,

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so let's go over to our commentary team in the year 400BC.

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Good afternoon, welcome to this afternoon's coverage.

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We're all set for the finals of the sprint

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which should be taking place in a couple of minutes.

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The athletes are naked... They're naked.

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The athletes are actually naked! Ha ha ha ha...

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-They're not ready, they're not ready.

-No, we are ready, we run naked.

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-Over to you, Tanni.

-It's how we run, man, it's an ancient Greek thing.

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OK! Over to you, Tanni, with the women's events please.

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Hi, I'll be covering all the women's events of these Olympics.

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Oh, erm...I'm just hearing there are no women's events.

0:18:350:18:39

Women aren't allowed to take part at these Olympic games.

0:18:390:18:42

Apparently they're not even allowed to watch!

0:18:420:18:44

I guess it's an ancient Greek thing. Back to the studio.

0:18:440:18:48

Right. Well, while we wait for something we can actually cover,

0:18:480:18:51

let's just catch up with the Olympic medal table so far.

0:18:510:18:54

Greece doing pretty well there, as you'd expect,

0:18:540:18:57

no-one else is competing.

0:18:570:18:58

So Greece top of the table there and indeed bottom.

0:18:580:19:02

Speaking of bottoms, let's go back to John.

0:19:020:19:05

Hello again. I'm pleased to say I'm standing with

0:19:050:19:08

the fully clothed Euphemius.

0:19:080:19:10

Er, shouldn't you be getting ready? You're on in a minute.

0:19:100:19:13

I am ready. This is how we race.

0:19:130:19:15

I thought you guys ran in the nude.

0:19:150:19:18

No, no, no. This race is the hoplomachi.

0:19:180:19:20

We run the whole thing in full armour,

0:19:200:19:22

show off our military prowess.

0:19:220:19:24

But it's just a running race. Why do you need a shield?

0:19:240:19:27

It's an ancient Greek thing.

0:19:270:19:29

When you're this close to the javelin area, it comes in handy.

0:19:290:19:33

Over to you, Richard.

0:19:330:19:35

Thank you, John. I'm here for an update on the pankration.

0:19:350:19:39

So what is that, I hear you ask?

0:19:390:19:41

It's two men fighting, only with no gloves and even fewer rules.

0:19:410:19:45

Here to tell me all about it is the winner, Krugas.

0:19:450:19:47

I'm Daxemonos, the loser. Erm, that's Krugas, he's the winner.

0:19:470:19:51

Ah! Isn't he, erm...well, dead?

0:19:510:19:55

Yes. See, in pankration, you're not supposed to kill your opponent.

0:19:550:19:59

I did, and, er... so I got disqualified.

0:19:590:20:01

So technically Krugas is the winner.

0:20:010:20:04

Don't tell me, it's an ancient Greek thing.

0:20:040:20:07

So why don't you talk us through it?

0:20:070:20:08

Well, thing is, I've got pretty sharp nails on my hand.

0:20:080:20:11

When I hit him in the stomach I sort of pulled his guts out.

0:20:110:20:16

Coming up next... my lunch.

0:20:160:20:19

-Back to the studio.

-You all right, mate?

0:20:190:20:23

"Be careful" would have been good advice for this Greek sportsman.

0:20:370:20:41

# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

0:20:430:20:46

# They're funny cos they're true

0:20:460:20:48

# Woo! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

0:20:480:20:50

# Hope next time it's not you! # Ha-hee.

0:20:500:20:54

Yes! Finished my Sudoku. I'm a genius.

0:20:540:20:58

Er, yes, well, it did take me eight hours.

0:20:580:21:00

You couldn't just let me have my moment of glory, could you?

0:21:000:21:04

Hmm? Had to undermine me.

0:21:040:21:06

Next!

0:21:060:21:07

Hello, looks like we've caught a big one. And you are?

0:21:070:21:11

Milo of Croton, six times Olympic wrestling champion

0:21:110:21:15

and famous all-round strongman if you can believe that.

0:21:150:21:19

And what do you do?

0:21:190:21:21

One time I picked up and carried a fully grown bull on my shoulders.

0:21:210:21:24

Oh, very impressive. But can you finish a Sudoku?

0:21:240:21:28

Thought not.

0:21:280:21:30

I could pick you all up and carry you in one hand though.

0:21:300:21:33

Well, that's a very generous offer but perhaps some other time.

0:21:330:21:36

Right then, come on, let's hear it.

0:21:360:21:39

You know, the stupid death.

0:21:390:21:41

As in the jingle... # Stupid death, stupid death... #

0:21:410:21:45

Oh, the thing, yeah. Well, I was walking through a forest one day,

0:21:450:21:49

and I came across this, this big tree trunk

0:21:490:21:51

with this split down the middle.

0:21:510:21:53

-Yes.

-I can't resist an opportunity to show off

0:21:530:21:56

my tremendous physical strength so I pushed my arms into the hole

0:21:560:22:01

to, like, pull the tree in two with my bare hands.

0:22:010:22:04

-Yes.

-Turns out it's quite a narrow gap

0:22:040:22:07

and I got me arms stuck in the hole, couldn't move.

0:22:070:22:10

-Yes.

-Long story short, I got eaten alive by wolves.

0:22:100:22:15

Ha ha ha ha!

0:22:150:22:17

You got, he got...

0:22:170:22:19

Argh! Ha ha! You plonker.

0:22:190:22:21

You spent too much time working on these muscles

0:22:210:22:24

-and not enough time working on this muscle.

-I don't get it.

0:22:240:22:27

The brain and things like Sudoku...

0:22:270:22:30

Oh, forget it. My talents are wasted on these people, honestly!

0:22:300:22:34

You're through to the afterlife. ..Yeah, it's through the door there.

0:22:340:22:38

The door, the gap in the wall.

0:22:380:22:42

The thing you can move through. Go through it, go.

0:22:420:22:47

Honestly, ho-ho-ho... Next!

0:22:470:22:50

# Stupid death, stupid death

0:22:500:22:52

# Hope next time it's not you! # Hoo hoo!

0:22:520:22:55

Everyone knows a man's best friend is his dog.

0:23:010:23:04

Never was this more true than for Cavalier Price Rupert.

0:23:040:23:08

I don't know what you call a fly without wings.

0:23:080:23:10

But I suggest you either put it out of its misery or call the RSPCA.

0:23:100:23:14

A walk?

0:23:140:23:15

Is this some kind of joke?

0:23:150:23:20

Good day to you, madam.

0:23:200:23:21

Prince Rupert, general in his majesty's Cavalier army,

0:23:210:23:25

-at your service.

-Oooh!

0:23:250:23:28

I'm usually suspicious of you historical types,

0:23:280:23:31

but you seem like a proper gentleman.

0:23:310:23:33

-Nephew of King Charles I, no less.

-How can I help you?

0:23:330:23:38

I would like to buy a poodle.

0:23:380:23:40

Oh, shouldn't be a problem. Any particular kind of poodle?

0:23:400:23:43

A white one that does a dance

0:23:430:23:45

anytime it hears the name of my uncle, King Charles I.

0:23:450:23:48

-He's my uncle, did I mention?

-You did.

0:23:480:23:50

Poodles are highly intelligent so that shouldn't be a problem.

0:23:500:23:54

And I'd like him to cock his leg and do a little pee

0:23:540:23:56

every time here hears the name Pim.

0:23:560:23:59

Pim?

0:23:590:24:00

Roundhead commander, my sworn enemy.

0:24:000:24:03

-My old dog Boy used to be both those tricks.

-And what happened to him?

0:24:030:24:07

I used to take him into battle with me and he sort of got shot.

0:24:070:24:10

Battles are no places for dogs! Out of here before I set mine on you.

0:24:100:24:14

And this one doesn't pee

0:24:140:24:16

when you say the work Pim. WATER TRICKLES

0:24:160:24:19

-Oh, will you look at that!

-Can he dance?

0:24:190:24:22

That's 100% accu-rat!

0:24:250:24:27

Whenever someone said the word Pim, Price Rupert's poodle did a pee.

0:24:270:24:31

Or did his peedle do a poo? One or the other.

0:24:310:24:34

So we're done with the silly sketch about a dead dog. What's up next?

0:24:340:24:38

Hm, what's that? A sketch featuring a dead horse?

0:24:380:24:41

Nice.

0:24:410:24:42

This is the biggest day of Alodia's life.

0:24:420:24:46

Sadly no bridesmaid. She's a bit under the weather, plague.

0:24:460:24:51

She's about to get married to her fiance Dagle

0:24:510:24:53

who has planned the entire wedding himself,

0:24:530:24:56

without any input from his young bride.

0:24:560:24:58

Is this on straight?

0:24:580:25:00

But will it be a day to remember or one she'd rather forget?

0:25:000:25:05

Right then, let's do it.

0:25:050:25:08

This is Historical Don't Tell The Bride.

0:25:080:25:12

Alodia's parents don't approve of Dagle,

0:25:130:25:15

so they've refused to give her away.

0:25:150:25:18

So she's made her way to the church alone.

0:25:180:25:20

-Darling, you look wonderful.

-So do you. Is everything ready?

0:25:200:25:24

-Absolutely.

-Right then. Shall we?

0:25:240:25:28

-Where are you going?

-Into the church to get married.

0:25:280:25:32

Yeah, probably should have said,

0:25:320:25:34

-there's been a bit of a change of plan.

-What?

0:25:340:25:38

Without their parents' blessings,

0:25:380:25:40

Dagle found that a church wedding was out of the question,

0:25:400:25:43

so in a break from family tradition,

0:25:430:25:45

Dagle and Alodia are to be married...by a tramp.

0:25:450:25:50

Darling, this is our new priest.

0:25:500:25:53

-He looks like a tramp.

-I am a tramp.

0:25:530:25:57

-He said "I am a tramp".

-I heard. Why are we getting married by a tramp?

0:25:570:26:00

Oh, he's a priest as well, sort of!

0:26:000:26:03

He's just a travelling tramp one.

0:26:030:26:05

They call themselves stroller priests. He's really good value.

0:26:050:26:09

Good value? Is it even legal?

0:26:090:26:12

That is a very good question,

0:26:120:26:14

and in answer to that I'd like to say your hair looks lovely.

0:26:140:26:18

What? It does! I'm not...

0:26:180:26:20

While stroller weddings aren't recognised by law,

0:26:230:26:26

many young couples feel that such a ceremony in some way

0:26:260:26:29

cements their union in the eyes of God.

0:26:290:26:31

Though some elements of the stroller ceremony are a little unusual.

0:26:310:26:35

-What's that?

-Some leaves.

0:26:350:26:37

-Underneath the leaves.

-Oh, that?

0:26:370:26:40

That's a dead horse.

0:26:400:26:42

Why is there a dead horse at my wedding?

0:26:420:26:44

It's fine, it's part of the ceremony.

0:26:440:26:46

-Can we just get on with it please, mate?

-Do you...?

0:26:460:26:50

-Oh, yes, I do.

-What about you?

0:26:500:26:54

'Spose so.

0:26:540:26:56

-Right, shake hands over the dead horse.

-What?

0:26:560:26:59

You heard.

0:26:590:27:01

There we are, very nice.

0:27:010:27:04

By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.

0:27:040:27:08

You can have a kiss or whatever.

0:27:080:27:10

One for the priest?

0:27:120:27:14

There. Wasn't that better than some stuffy church wedding?

0:27:140:27:18

-No.

-Oh, come on! At least it was memorable.

0:27:180:27:22

Believe me, every time you look at my face, you'll remember this day.

0:27:220:27:25

When you put it that way!

0:27:250:27:27

'Scuse me, do you by any chance do stroller divorces?

0:27:270:27:31

# Tall tales, atrocious acts, we gave you all the fearsome facts... #

0:27:340:27:37

Want some more Horrible Histories?

0:27:370:27:40

Then come with me down the time sewers.

0:27:400:27:42

Just go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.

0:27:420:27:45

See you down there!

0:27:450:27:47

# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories! #

0:27:470:27:51

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:510:27:53

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0:27:530:27:54

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