Browse content similar to Episode 3. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:01 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:09 | 0:00:13 | |
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat | 0:00:18 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
# Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
Being religious in the Middle Ages | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
could take you on some really big adventures. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
This day will be written in history as the day | 0:00:42 | 0:00:46 | |
Emico of the Rhineland began the German Crusade to recapture | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
the Holy Land in the name of the Pope. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
Let us begin. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:53 | |
Oh, you are so brave. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
Yeah, I suppose I am. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:57 | |
In a few weeks I am going to bring you Jerusalem as a gift. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:01 | |
Now then, where is Jerusalem? | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
-Erm, the Holy Land? -Yes, but where's the Holy Land? | 0:01:09 | 0:01:13 | |
Anyone got a map? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Better than that, Sire. I have a goose. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
A goose that can navigate by the stars? | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
Even better than that. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
It is a goose filled with the Holy Spirit. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
-It shall lead the way for us. -OK. Lead on, good Sir Goose. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:30 | |
WHISPERS: The Holy Land. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
GOOSE HONKS | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
GOOSE HONKS | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Well, I never thought I'd become part of a walking metaphor | 0:01:44 | 0:01:48 | |
but that really was a wild goose chase. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Sorry, Sire. I have failed you. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
Not entirely. The goose is delicious. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
Any more bright ideas on finding our way? | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
-My lord, I have the solution! -You have a goat. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
-Not just any goat. -Here we go... | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
It is a goat that is filled... | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
-With the Holy Spirit. -Yeah. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Go on, then. Can't be any more stupid than you lot. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:12 | |
Yes! Lead on, Greg. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
Well, Peter, your goat has taken us nowhere near the Holy Land. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
We're in Hungary. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:25 | |
But at least that isn't an adjective | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
that can be used to describe us. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
HE SOBS | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
Terrible navigator, but an excellent dinner. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:35 | |
I've eaten a goose filled with the Holy Spirit | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
and a goat filled with the Holy Spirit. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
I must be morbidly obese with divine wisdom. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
I think I'll lead the way now, yeah? | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Oi! What about my gift of Jerusalem? | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
If you can find it, love, it's yours. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
Emico of the Rhineland was in fact a horrible man | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
who went around slaughtering people. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
Following a goose and goat meant he never made it to the Holy Land | 0:03:05 | 0:03:09 | |
so he was a bully AND an idiot. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
Hi, I'm Dominic Duckworth. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
I'm in the Middle Ages for this week's investigation. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
Ergh! Which isn't on the state of Middle Ages streets, | 0:03:21 | 0:03:25 | |
although maybe it should be. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
No, this week I'm investigating the dodgy trade in religious relics. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:31 | |
Can I get some new shoes, please? These ones are caked in it. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
I asked one victim of the trade, a Mr Ikbar Nethelbroth, | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
to tell us more about religious relics. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Well, they're religious objects which are meant to perform miracles. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
I lost my leg to disease so I went to an abbey | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
where they were supposed to have some of the rocks used | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
to stone St Stephen to death. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
I was told they would help my leg grow back. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
-And did they? -Well, what do you think? | 0:03:56 | 0:04:01 | |
SPLAT! Are you all right, mate? | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Yes, many of these so-called religious relics are fakes | 0:04:05 | 0:04:09 | |
used by crooked monks to attract visitors | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
who will pay through the nose for their so-called miracles. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:16 | |
Argh! Can I get some wellington boots, please? | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
It's starting to seep in. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
It's time for Dom to go deep under cover. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
Wig-cam at the ready. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Hey, brother. Do you know where a bloke | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
can get hold of some religious relics? | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Oh, yeah. No problem. You have SO come to the right place. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
I've got one for every ailment. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
What are you suffering from, me old mucker? | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
-Er, I've got a touch of toothache. -I've got the perfect cure. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:47 | |
For a small donation, I'll let you rub one of St Apollonia's teeth, | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
as knocked out by the Romans before they burnt her alive. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
That's a lot of teeth. Are you sure they're all hers? | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
Oh, yeah, 'course. She had a big gob on her. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
You'll be telling me next this ain't really | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
the head of John the Baptist. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
Given that Amiens Cathedral also claims to have his head, | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
someone must be lying. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:09 | |
I don't know what you're incinerating, mate. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
None of these so-called religious relics | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
are the genuine article, mate. Argh! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
Oh, look. Another St Apollonia tooth, | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
unless I'm very much mistaken. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
Oh! Well, today I've learnt a lot about the Middle Ages. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:27 | |
I've learnt that Monks can be dotty and violent, | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
their religious relics are not all they're cracked up to be, | 0:05:31 | 0:05:35 | |
and you shouldn't walk along their streets without suitable footwear. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:39 | |
SPLAT! | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
Oh, really? | 0:05:42 | 0:05:43 | |
Nothing urgent. Just a check-up. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
That's fine. Mr Saxon'll be here in a moment. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
Saxon's an unusual name. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
Oh, it's not his name. It's the era he's from. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
Oh, hello there, Mr...Tong. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:08 | |
-May I call you Peter? -Yeah. -So, just a check-up? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:12 | |
Yeah. It shouldn't take too long. I'm in pretty good shape. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
Excellent. Well, open wide. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Argh! Argh! Oh, it's like a battlefield in there! | 0:06:17 | 0:06:21 | |
Oh, and what in Woden's name is that? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
-Er, a filling. -A what? Ergh! | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
There's another one there! What sort of thing is happening here? | 0:06:26 | 0:06:30 | |
Do you remember we talked about tooth decay, Mr Saxon? | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
People's teeth getting damaged by bad diet or poor oral hygiene? | 0:06:33 | 0:06:38 | |
I assumed you were joking. I mean, this is horrific! | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
-All right! -We don't have this in the Saxon era. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
Virtually everyone's teeth are great. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
Everyone? No one had false teeth like that? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
Argh! He has someone else's tooth in his mouth! He's a monster! | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
Save yourself, Mandy! | 0:06:53 | 0:06:54 | |
He's wonderful... | 0:06:56 | 0:06:57 | |
but he CAN get a bit shocked about the state of modern mouths. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:01 | |
Would you like me to continue the examination? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
-I have been trained. -Erm, yes please. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:07 | |
I'll just put this boiled holly leaf into the saucer of water. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:13 | |
Now, if you could just yawn for me. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
Were you trained by Mr Saxon by any chance? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:19 | |
He's the best. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:20 | |
I'm going to go. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
-OK. Goodbye, Mr Tong. -Goodbye. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
That's true. 100% accu-rat. Saxons had good teeth. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:33 | |
When archaeologists discover Saxon skeletons, | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
they often have lovely teeth. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
Probably because there was a lot less sugar in Saxon diets. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
There's plenty of sugar in my diet. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
I just raided the bins outside the cake shop. Ha-ha! | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
Anyway, Saxon diets weren't ALWAYS so healthy. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
Five eager chefs, five historical eras, but just one prize. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:55 | |
Who will be crowned Historical MasterChef? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
I once ate a chocolate as big as my head. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:02 | |
He did! | 0:08:02 | 0:08:03 | |
Starving Saxon, Eebert, comes from a village in Sussex | 0:08:05 | 0:08:09 | |
and he's preparing some traditional peasant dishes. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:12 | |
Fresh rolls. They look excellent. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
-CRACK! -Argh! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
I think I've cracked a tooth! | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
These are rock hard, mate. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
Thing is, our crops aren't ready until August | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
so food's in very short supply. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:24 | |
We've run out of flour, haven't we? | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
-Yeah. -Shhh! | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
I've had to improvise, using | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
ground-up acorns, grasses, nettles and tree bark. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Hopefully your main course will be more edible. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
That IS the main course. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
It's all we've got, isn't it? Shh! | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
Sorry, there's no way you're going through to the next round with those. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:43 | |
No way on EARTH! What are you looking at? | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
Five minutes. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
11 minutes. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
Faced with being thrown out of the competition, | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
Eebert is having to rethink his miniscule menu. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
Now that's what I call fresh meat! | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
Where did you get the chicken, mate? | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
Er, I swapped it with the Lord of the manor. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
-For what? -My son. The boy. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
What? You can't swap your child for a chicken! | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
-That's terrible! -I know, I feel awful. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
I'm so ashamed. I mean, he's worth at least a goat, right? | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
Oh, well, guess we're stuck with it. Ouch! He pecked me! No! | 0:09:17 | 0:09:21 | |
No dramas, mate. Can we get a plaster here, please? | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
You don't understand. It's a well-known Saxon superstition. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
You can't eat a chicken for three weeks after it pecks a human. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
Oh well, looks like we're back to plan A. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
-Anyone for a bread roll? -Cheers, yeah. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
-CRACK! -Argh! | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
You literally never learn. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
No... | 0:09:39 | 0:09:40 | |
Eebert, your starter, your main and your desserts | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
were tree bark rolls, which are inedible. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
And, as if your food wasn't criminal enough, | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
you swapped your own son for a chicken | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
which may have been legal in Saxon times | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
but today certainly isn't. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
Argh! Er, argh! | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
For that reason, I've phoned the authorities. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
The next meal you will be tasting will be prison food. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:05 | |
They've got food? | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
Oh, well then, lock me up, mate! Lock me up! | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
-CRACK! -Argh! | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
What is wrong with you, mate? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
One of our famous Greek thinkers was called Socrates. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:23 | |
His sharp mind got him into trouble and he was sentenced to death. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:28 | |
Luckily, he had some very determined friends. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
Halt! Who goes there? | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
No one, if you were to look the other way. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
Are you trying to bribe a prison guard? | 0:10:38 | 0:10:42 | |
You insult my honour, you insult...yeah, all right. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
This is the key to the cells. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:46 | |
And this is the key to the baths, should you want one. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
My name's Cliff. Just give us a shout if you need anything. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:52 | |
(WHISPERING) He's in here. There he is. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
Socrates, quick. Follow us! | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
-Why? -We're rescuing you. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
-Why? -Because you've been sentenced to death. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
-Why? -Partly because you keep saying 'why', which is really annoying, | 0:11:04 | 0:11:08 | |
especially for people with little kids, cos they get it all the time. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
Only by asking why can one get to the real truth. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:15 | |
It's the Socratic method. It's got my name on it. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
That's also why they've condemned you to death, | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
They've accused you of corrupting Athens' youth | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
and disrespecting the Gods. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
-Why? -Not now, master! We're here to rescue you. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
-I don't want to be rescued. -Why? -Don't you start. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
Master, you must come with us, | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
for in the morning, you are to drink this poisonous hemlock. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
Look, no real philosopher fears death. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:38 | |
If you rescue me people will still find me really annoying. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:42 | |
-I'll end up in prison again. -He has got a point. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
You may be the greatest philosopher who ever lived, | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
but you are SO annoying! | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
-Why? -I think you've just answered that question. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
-Why? -Seriously, I've had it up to here with you. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
-Why? -Right, where's that hemlock? | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
I'm going to kill him myself. | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
-We're supposed to be rescuing him. -Why? Argh! | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
THEY SCREAM HE GULPS HEMLOCK | 0:12:02 | 0:12:06 | |
Socrates really did refuse to be rescued. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
He was nicknamed The Gadfly | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
because he would annoy people and not go away. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
The best way to deal with gadflies, of course, | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
is to make gadfly soup. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
Waiter, there's none of your flies in my soup! | 0:12:19 | 0:12:23 | |
And Socrates wasn't the only famous Greek thinker. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
# Here we come, through the market square | 0:12:27 | 0:12:31 | |
# With our funny clothes and hair | 0:12:31 | 0:12:36 | |
# Aristotle and Socrates Plato and Diogenes | 0:12:36 | 0:12:40 | |
# Four fab scholars with our Greek philosophies | 0:12:40 | 0:12:45 | |
# Hey hey, we're the thinkers | 0:12:45 | 0:12:49 | |
# Wondering what life is for | 0:12:49 | 0:12:54 | |
# We're paid to try and think up | 0:12:54 | 0:12:58 | |
# The answer to that and more | 0:12:58 | 0:13:03 | |
# People found me irritating | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
# Thanks to my interrogating | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
# Like a toddler, was always asking why | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
# What is wisdom, what is beauty? | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
# What is nature, what is duty? | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
# Taught everything I know to this next guy | 0:13:18 | 0:13:22 | |
# I'm Plato, was his pupil thinker | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
# Ended up with inky fingers | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
# Writing every word he taught me down | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
# Also had my own the-ory | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
# Like for everything that we see | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
# There's a perfect version to be found, oooh! | 0:13:36 | 0:13:40 | |
# Hey hey, we're the thinkers | 0:13:40 | 0:13:44 | |
# Mega brainy Ancient Greeks | 0:13:44 | 0:13:49 | |
# We're always busy thinking | 0:13:49 | 0:13:53 | |
# Cos the truth is what we seek | 0:13:53 | 0:13:58 | |
# My name is Diogenes I'm not one to say thanks or please | 0:13:59 | 0:14:04 | |
# Hug statues and walk barefoot in the snow | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
# Never believed in possessions | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
# Thought they gave the wrong impression | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
# Put faith in total freedom, don't you know? | 0:14:12 | 0:14:15 | |
# I studied at Plato's academy | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
# Taught Alex the Great, I know everything, me | 0:14:19 | 0:14:21 | |
# Intrigued by the world, wanted to show it all | 0:14:21 | 0:14:25 | |
# I took all their theories higher | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
# Discovered water, ether, earth, air and fire | 0:14:28 | 0:14:32 | |
# Learned every science, I'm Mr Know-It-All | 0:14:32 | 0:14:35 | |
# Hey hey, we're the thinkers | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
# Very witty, very wise | 0:14:38 | 0:14:43 | |
# No one can hoodwink us | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
# We are Athens' brainiest guys | 0:14:48 | 0:14:53 | |
# Not everyone likes smarties, though | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
# Even Socrates had his foe | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
-# When tried for treason he simply said... -Why? | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
# They sentenced him to drink Hemlock | 0:15:01 | 0:15:05 | |
-# He said... -You know, if I take stock | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
# I am annoying, I'll take that and die | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
# Hey hey, we're the thinkers | 0:15:12 | 0:15:16 | |
# Politicians gave us strife | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
# But we don't give a tinkers | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
# Cos we taught them all of our lives | 0:15:24 | 0:15:30 | |
# Oooooh. # | 0:15:30 | 0:15:35 | |
Henry VIII famously married six times, | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
but his daughter, Elizabeth I, never got married at all. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:47 | |
Oh! | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
Another smallpox scar! | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
Just what I need when I'm looking for a suitor. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
RINGING | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Ah! Cecil, my loyal adviser. What does he want? | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
Your majesty, I bring tragic news. You should check your emails. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:09 | |
Amy Dudley, wife of Robert Dudley, | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
has been found dead at the bottom of her stairs. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Oh ho! Oh, that is absolutely... | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
..oh, awful. Awful news. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
This isn't anything to do with your majesty, is it? | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
I know you are rather fond of Robert. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
I don't know what you are talking about, Cecil. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
Just as well. Dudley is not good enough for your majesty. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:32 | |
If the Tudor line is to continue, your majesty | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
is simply going to have to keep looking for a husband. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
Oh, you're right, Cecil, as usual. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
Right, let's see if there've been any views of my online dating profile. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:45 | |
I have rejected a few, haven't I? | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
-Indeed, Ma'am. -COMPUTER: Ye got mail! | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
Ooh! Oh, yippee! | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
-I've got to go, Cec. Lots of love. -But, er... | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
Your majesty, did you get my email? | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
I've built you a garden at Kenilworth. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
-Yes, Robert, I love it. It's perfect. -I'm so pleased! | 0:17:09 | 0:17:13 | |
Although, it is a little far to the left. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
Could you move it over a bit? | 0:17:16 | 0:17:17 | |
Er, you want me to move the entire garden? | 0:17:17 | 0:17:21 | |
I only want you to move it a few feet. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
-I'm hardly being unreasonable. -Of course, Ma'am. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
It's such a shame Cecil says I can't marry Robert. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:32 | |
He's such a sweetie. Right, who have we got? | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
No, no. Too French. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
Sir Francis Drake. Oh, no. No, no, no. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
That goatee, pu-lease. It's so 1558. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:45 | |
There must be somebody. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
COMPUTER BUZZES | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
RINGING Oh, Walter Raleigh! | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
-Walter! -Your majesty. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
I do hope I'm not disturbing you. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
No, I always have time for an eligible bachelor | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
such as your handsome self. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:03 | |
Well, funny you should say that | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
because I was just calling to inform your majesty | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
of my intentions to marry Bess Throckmorton. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
What? Sling your hook! You're blocking my line! | 0:18:11 | 0:18:15 | |
Maybe Dudley will just have to do. Yuck! | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
PING! What? Again? To who? | 0:18:19 | 0:18:22 | |
Lettice Knollys! | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
Ergh! What on earth would have led Robert | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
to develop a taste for Lettice? SLAP! | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
RINGING | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Any luck securing the Tudor lineage, your majesty? | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
No, Cecil and I'm just about ready to give up. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:41 | |
Hang on... | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
Robert Devereux. Ha-ha! I might have spoken too soon! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:47 | |
The Earl of Essex? | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
-And he's just emailed me! -Oh, that's excellent news. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
Wait a minute, this email is about a rebellion! | 0:18:52 | 0:18:56 | |
He's planning to overthrow me, Cecil! | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
And the fool has CC'd me in by accident. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:03 | |
Off with his head! | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
Let's not be too hasty. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
You must find a husband | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
or the Tudor lineage is finished. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
-The truth is, I am already married. -Really, your majesty? | 0:19:11 | 0:19:15 | |
-To whom? -To England. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
Well said, Ma'am. And with that, I bid you adieu. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:22 | |
Oh, she's really lost it. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
I'm still here, Cecil. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
Erm, er, what I meant was, erm... | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
Elizabeth had Walter and his new wife, Bess, | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
imprisoned in the Tower of London. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
Hi! I'm a shouty man, and I'm here to tell you about the new | 0:19:57 | 0:20:01 | |
Great Western Railway, the Victorian Transport Revolution. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
Tired of the busy London life? | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
Always got your nose to the grindstone? | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
Then why not take a trip to the Great West Country | 0:20:10 | 0:20:13 | |
on one of the Great Western Railway's conveniently timetabled services. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:17 | |
We're moving! I haven't paid! | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
Oh, I thought it left at 1 o'clock! | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
Ah, yes, but do you mean 1 o'clock | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
London time, Swindon time, or Bristol time? | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
I'm confused. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
It's perfectly complicated! | 0:20:28 | 0:20:29 | |
Towns along the route use slightly different time zones | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
so not everyone agrees what time it is. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
TRAIN WHISTLES | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
Thanks to the completion of the groundbreaking Box railway tunnel | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
just outside Bath, you can now travel from loud London | 0:20:41 | 0:20:45 | |
to beautiful Bristol in just four hours! | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
And what a journey it is. You can take in the fresh, country air. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
Agh! Soot in my eyes! | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
And take a comfort break in stunning Swindon. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
There are no facilities on the train. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
Where are the toilets, please? | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
Ladies down that end, gents down that end. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
-On the platform? -Good a place as any. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
Though it can get a bit splashy. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
Aargh! | 0:21:06 | 0:21:07 | |
And enjoy a bowl of fresh soup in our delightful cafe. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:13 | |
Train departs in one minute! > | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
Agh! This soup is too hot to drink quickly! | 0:21:15 | 0:21:19 | |
Which means lots of leftovers to go back in the pot for tomorrow. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:23 | |
This lot's been going round for weeks. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
All aboard! > | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
All of which means you'll arrive in Bristol | 0:21:26 | 0:21:30 | |
relaxed, revived, and carefree. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
-Good journey, sir? -What do you think? | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
The Great Western Railway. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
-It's not great! -It is great. Ignore him. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
It is, it is. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
It's true. The time was not the same in every town in Britain until 1840. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:47 | |
And even after that, different towns had complicated clocks | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
with three or four hands to show different times in different places. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:54 | |
"What's the time?" Time to get a new clock, mate! Ha-ha! | 0:21:54 | 0:22:00 | |
-KNOCKING ON DOOR -Yes, yes, all right! | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
All right, I'm coming. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
-Yes? -Postman, ma'am. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
-Right. -That's tuppence for the delivery, please. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
Oh, right, fine. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:14 | |
-Charge it to my account. -Will do. Have a nice... | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
day. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:18 | |
Honestly... | 0:22:18 | 0:22:19 | |
-KNOCKING ON DOOR -Come on! | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
Postman, madam. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
But you were just here. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:25 | |
More post, I'm afraid. Tuppence for the delivery, please. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
Fine. Charge it to my account. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
On the account, OK. Have a nice...day. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:33 | |
Cheek of the... | 0:22:33 | 0:22:34 | |
-KNOCKING ON DOOR -I am going... | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
Why won't you leave me alone? | 0:22:37 | 0:22:38 | |
Well, that's the joy of the Victorian postal service, madam. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:42 | |
Up to 12 deliveries a day come rain or shine | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
and all for a reasonable charge. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
Tuppence, yes, I know. Charge it to my account. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:49 | |
On the account, madam. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
He is driving me... | 0:22:51 | 0:22:52 | |
-KNOCKING ON DOOR -Right! | 0:22:52 | 0:22:55 | |
Tuppence! Account! Go! | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
-No charge, madam. -No charge? | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
That's right. You see, we've just introduced a new penny post system | 0:23:00 | 0:23:04 | |
whereby the person posting the letter pays for the delivery in advance, | 0:23:04 | 0:23:08 | |
with these postage stamps, | 0:23:08 | 0:23:09 | |
which are a penny each. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
So I no longer have to pay for letters I receive? | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
Precisely! And if you install a letter-sized flap | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
in your front door, I won't need to bother you at all. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
All together a much less disruptive postal service, | 0:23:19 | 0:23:21 | |
I'm sure you'll agree. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:22 | |
Absolutely. Well, thank you. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
Thank you. Have a nice day. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
-You too. Bye-bye. -Bye-bye. Bye-bye. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
Well, I must say, | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
I've been very critical of the postal service in the past. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
They seem to have sorted out their act. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
Annual bill for postal charges on account. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:43 | |
How much?? | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
You! Come back here! | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
Hello, and welcome to New Home Abroad, | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
the property programme that relocates couples | 0:23:59 | 0:24:02 | |
to a new life in a different country. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:04 | |
Today I'm with Vikings Sven and Olga, | 0:24:04 | 0:24:07 | |
who want to move from their house in Iceland to a new home in England. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:11 | |
So why do you want to move? | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
-Because it's very cold here. -And our house is rubbish. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:19 | |
-Can we have a look at it? -You ARE looking at it. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:23 | |
You live in a small hill. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:24 | |
Well, we've had it all hollowed out | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
and all of the grass and earth on top keeps us warm. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
Come inside. We've got a fire. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
THEY COUGH | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
Bit smoky, isn't it? | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
Yeah, there's a problem with the windows. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
-What's that? -There aren't any. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
-Oh, what's that smell? -That'll be the cow poo. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
It makes very good fuel for fire. It does stink, though. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:47 | |
So to recap, inside your home it's dark, smelly, and smoky | 0:24:47 | 0:24:52 | |
and outside, it's freezing. I can see why you want to move! | 0:24:52 | 0:24:57 | |
And we've found you a dream home in sunny England. | 0:24:57 | 0:25:00 | |
-Oh! -England? -England! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
So Sven and Olga pack up their axes and pillaging gear | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
and sail across the North Sea to their new home abroad. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:09 | |
Now this is Mike and Trudy, | 0:25:13 | 0:25:15 | |
a couple of humble English peasants. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:18 | |
How do you like their home? | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
-Where is all the smoke? -There isn't any. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
There's a hole in the roof. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
-Oh! -Oh, hole in roof! | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
And there is no foul stench. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
-Not much of one. -OK, we'll take it! | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
Great! Let's discuss the price. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:35 | |
Oh, no, no, no. We are Vikings. We'll just take it. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:39 | |
What are you doing, guys? Don't kill them! | 0:25:39 | 0:25:42 | |
-You're right. -Perhaps we have been a little hasty. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
After all, we're going to need a couple of slaves. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:48 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
Well, that's it this week from New Home Abroad. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
Join us next week when Sven and Olga's friends | 0:25:52 | 0:25:55 | |
will be invading the whole of the north of England. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
See you then. | 0:25:58 | 0:25:59 | |
Yeah, we Vikings liked it over in Britain and we were here to stay. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:06 | |
In fact, it wasn't long before | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
there were Vikings ruling England, like King Canute. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
OK, shoot. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
This movie will be based on the epic story of my life. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:23 | |
Canute, Danish King of England. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
-Danish? Uh-oh! -Subtitles. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
-Not going to work. -Won't work. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Couldn't you be the English King of Denmark? | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
No, I'm the Danish King of England | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
and of Denmark. And of Norway, actually. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
Weren't you the guy who thought he could turn back the tide | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
-but ended up getting his feet wet? -Here we go... | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
-Uh-oh! Soggy socks. -I hate that! | 0:26:42 | 0:26:44 | |
How about instead of King Canute, | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
-King Dumb? -Great title. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
King Dumb and Queen Dumber. It's a sequel. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:50 | |
I wasn't dumb! I didn't believe I could turn back the tide. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:54 | |
I was making a point to my followers. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:56 | |
They thought that I was so powerful that even the seas obeyed me. | 0:26:56 | 0:27:00 | |
I was just proving to them that only God can command the tides. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:05 | |
-Ah! -So everybody else was dumb? World of Dumb. -Genius! | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
In a world where everyone was dumb, King Dumb was the dumbest. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:11 | |
-Jim Carrey. -Jim Carrey! -Agh! | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
No, this movie is about how one brave, wise, | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
reasonably attractive warrior united three kingdoms | 0:27:16 | 0:27:20 | |
with the power of his sword. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
Everyone feared him. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:23 | |
The Warrior King who brought peace. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
This summer, Canute the Great! | 0:27:26 | 0:27:29 | |
Canute the Great Big Idiot. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
-Subtitle? -King Dumb - Canute the Great Big Idiot. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
King Dumb Canute The Great Big Idiot Tour. It's a franchise. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
D'you know what? I'm going to take this somewhere else so... | 0:27:37 | 0:27:40 | |
-It's actually the other way. -Laters! | 0:27:40 | 0:27:43 | |
-THUNK! -Oh! | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
That guy's hilarious! | 0:27:45 | 0:27:46 | |
-He's comedy. -Funny, funny guy. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:49 | |
# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts # | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
If you enjoyed that, | 0:27:52 | 0:27:53 | |
why not play the new ADBC Time Tour music game? | 0:27:53 | 0:27:58 | |
Go to the CBBC website, | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
and click on Horrible Histories. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
Rock on! | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. # | 0:28:04 | 0:28:08 |