Browse content similar to Episode 4. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crime Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
# Romans rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
# Gory stories, we do that And your host a talking rat | 0:00:17 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
CHANTING: # Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
I'm from the Greek city state of Sparta, | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
famous for its flower-growers and painters. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
Ha-ha! I'm doing a joke! | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
It was famous for its warriors | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
and our ground-breaking fighting formations. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
Go, Sparta! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
Men of Sparta, you are the finest fighters in the known world. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:57 | |
Soon the battlefield will run red with the enemy's blood. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:02 | |
ALL: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
Form the phalanx. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:05 | |
Your hoplite shield is a symbol of our warrior bond, | 0:01:07 | 0:01:11 | |
for not only does it protect you, it protects the man beside you. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:16 | |
Spartans, are you ready for war? | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
ALL: Hoorah! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
Uh...General? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:22 | |
What is it? | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
Well, um, my shield's protecting him, but I'm at the left end | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
of the phalanx and there's no shield protecting me. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
I feel a bit exposed. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:34 | |
Haven't got time for this, | 0:01:34 | 0:01:35 | |
-we're late for battle as it is. -Well, I was thinking, | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
maybe if I just went to the other end of the line, | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
-I'd be better covered. -All right, then, go on, then. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
-Nice one! -Now, is everybody happy? | 0:01:48 | 0:01:52 | |
Yes, go on, then. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
If you must. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Yeah, all right. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
Can of worms, this, isn't it? | 0:02:01 | 0:02:02 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:02:06 | 0:02:07 | |
The Spartan warriors were, of course, famously brave, | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
but it's true that the man on the end was less protected, | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
and because of this, | 0:02:14 | 0:02:15 | |
phalanx formations used to drift to the right when they charged | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
as everyone tried to get behind their neighbour's shield. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
And here's the story of a famous Spartan general. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
CRASHING | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
'The movie event the world has been waiting for since 470 BC. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:31 | |
'The epic tale of Spartan General Pausanius. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
'A story of honour.' | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
General Pausanius, a message from the elders. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
You are to return to Sparta at once. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
You are accused of dishonourably siding with the enemy. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:45 | |
How dare they accuse me of siding with the Persians? | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
Just for that, I'm going to side with the Persians. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
'Oh, no, it's not a story of honour.' | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
Take this to King Xerxes. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
It is of vital importance | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
and must only be opened by the Persian king himself. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
Yes, sir, I will guard it with my life. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
'Pausanius, a story of loyalty.' | 0:03:03 | 0:03:07 | |
Thinking about it, none of the messengers | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
Pausanius sends to King Xerxes ever seems to come back. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
Hm. Might just have a quick peek at what this letter says. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
'Hold on, you shouldn't be reading that.' | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
"Let's join forces against Sparta. Can I marry your daughter?" | 0:03:18 | 0:03:22 | |
Hang on! "Once you have read this letter, kill the messenger." | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
Right, that's it, I'm going to show this to the Spartan elders. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
Honestly, you think you know someone! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
'So it's not a story of loyalty, then.' | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
The Spartans are coming for me. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
I know, I'll hide in the Temple of Athena. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
It is holy ground, they can't touch me there. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
'Pausanius, a story of cunning.' | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
I'm in the temple, can't touch me. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
No, but we can brick up the entrances with you inside. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
Men, seal the doors, let him starve to death. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Got to be honest, didn't think of that. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
'Pausanius, a story of...bricklaying, apparently. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:59 | |
'A movie event not to be missed, | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
'unless, of course, you're like totally bricked inside a temple.' | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
Rub in, why don't you? Rub it in. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
'Rated C for Confusing.' | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
Hello and welcome to the News At When. When? The Middle Ages. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:23 | |
It's 1064 and the Norman Conquest is well under way. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
No, that can't be right, the Norman Conquest was 1066. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:31 | |
Oh, there were lots of other Norman Conquests. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:35 | |
They conquered Southern Italy, they conquered Cyprus, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
they conquered parts of Greece and they conquered the Holy Land. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:42 | |
That's what you call a game of conkers! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Mike Peabody is with them as they try to conquer Sicily. Mike. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
Thanks, Sam. I'm here at the siege of Palermo in Sicily, | 0:04:48 | 0:04:53 | |
where the Norman Army look set to take the city. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
I'm hoping to get a word with their commander, | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
Sir Robert Guiscard, and ask him what makes the Normans | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
the most fearsome fighters in all of medieval Christendom. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
Sir Robert, how's it going? | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
We have taken the high ground. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
It's the perfect position from where to attack the city, | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
but there are problems. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:13 | |
And what are they? | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
Ah, ooh, ooh! The whole place is crawling with spiders. Ooh, ooh! | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
Sir Robert, perhaps you should save the victory dance | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
until after you've actually won the battle. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Oh, no, no, this is for the bite. Yes, it can be fatal. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
The locals believe the only way to cure it is by dancing. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
-Does that work? -There's no harm in trying. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
Ow! Ow! I see what you mean. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:32 | |
-Yes, you might want to...er... -Oh. Oh, OK. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
This looks like a disaster, Sir Robert. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
Most of your soldiers have been bitten by spiders. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:41 | |
No, no, I haven't, I just like dancing. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
Right. And what's the second problem? | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
Cacti. The whole place is covered in cacti. Argh! Ooh! Ooh! Aah! | 0:05:45 | 0:05:50 | |
-Would you mind terribly? -Not at all. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
-Ah, ah, ooh. -Well, at least it can't get any worse. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
Not only does the bite have a good chance of killing you, | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
-it also has another effect. -What's that? | 0:05:57 | 0:05:58 | |
BREAKS WIND Oh! Oh! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
I'm so sorry. The bites also cause severe attacks of wind. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:04 | |
Those are the only attacks that will happen today! | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
I'm calling the battle off! | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
SIR ROBERT BREAKS WIND Oh. Well, there we have it. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
The greatest soldiers in the Middle Ages | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
defeated by cacti and a load of spiders, and of course some... | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
SOLDIERS BREAK WIND Oh, dear. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
So this is Mike Peabody, at the siege of Palermo, | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
really wishing he was somewhere else, somewhere a lot less windy. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:26 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:06:27 | 0:06:29 | |
They should make a show out of that, Strictly Come Dancing And Farting! | 0:06:29 | 0:06:34 | |
If you listen carefully, that's what some of the celebs do anyway. Hmm. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
Now, as we all know, the Normans went on to invade England in 1066. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:42 | |
But did you know what actually won them the Battle of Hastings? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:47 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
# Woo! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
# Hope next time it's not you Ha-hee! # | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
Next! | 0:06:59 | 0:07:00 | |
Ooh, goody! Two for the price of one. Ooh, 1066! | 0:07:00 | 0:07:04 | |
MIMICS BUZZER Battle of Hastings. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Shouldn't one of you have an arrow through his eye? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
Oh, right, cos...yeah...! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
Neither of us are King Harold, actually. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:11 | |
No, we're King Harold's brothers. I'm Gyrth. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
-And I'm Leofwine. -Oh, King Harold's brothers. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
If your deaths are half as stupid as your names, | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
we're in for a real cracker! HE LAUGHS | 0:07:18 | 0:07:21 | |
-Proceed. -So, basically, it was the day of the battle | 0:07:21 | 0:07:24 | |
and us Saxons had taken the high ground | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
and were looking down on the invading army. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
Our brother, King Harold, had lined up with his housecarls, | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
which are the elite Saxon warriors. We were in charge of the fyrdmen. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:34 | |
So Leofwind and Gwurthrun are in charge of the freurdmen? | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
The fyrdmen. It's soldiers who haven't got that much armour, | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
but make up for it with their enthusiasm. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
-Oh, they have got so much enthusiasm. -Yeah. -It's epic! | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
Anyway, the Norman cavalry attacked our Saxon shield wall. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
-Three, two, one! -BOTH: Shield wall! Yeah. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
And faced with a wall of spears and swords and axes | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
-and spears and stuff, they had no choice but to just flee. -Yeah. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
Saxons - one, Normans - nil. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
And then we charged down the hill with our fyrdmen | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
-to finish off the Normans. -BOTH: Yeah! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
Well, it turns out their fleeing was just a trick | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
and they turned round and their cavalry attacked us. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:15 | |
So now you no longer have the upper ground? | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
We didn't have the shield wall either, cos we'd broken rank. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
Yeah. They ripped us to pieces, actually. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
-But fair play to them. -No, seriously fair play. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
-They really gave it a good battle. -I'd say, in a sort of battle report, | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
-I'd probably give them nine. -Yeah. -And then I'd give us probably six. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:31 | |
So let me get this straight, | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
the Normans were losing until you two ran down the hill, | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
causing the end of your brother, King Harold, | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
the end of Saxon rule in England, | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
and, in fact, the end of the Saxon era altogether? | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
-Yeah, in a nutshell, yeah. -HE LAUGHS | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
-Ooh, hey! You caused this. The end of an -ear-a! | 0:08:45 | 0:08:49 | |
HE LAUGHS BOTH: What? | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
I'm wasted on these idiots. You're through to the afterlife. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
-Cheers, mate. -Yeah. -He's a good bloke. -And hurry up about it. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:57 | |
Noose Women's about to start. Did you hear what I said then? | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
I said Noose Women instead of Loose Women. Oh, you heard? | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
Well, laughing wouldn't kill you. Not now, anyway! | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
Next! | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
# Hope next time it's not you Hoo-hoo! # | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
Yes, after our victory at the Battle of Hastings, | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
we Normans changed England for ever. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
We even changed the way people spoke. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
Bam ba-bam! | 0:09:26 | 0:09:27 | |
HE GASPS | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
In 1607, settlers sailed across the Atlantic | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
and set up the first English colony in North America. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
'Previously on Colonisation, Colonisation, Colonisation. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:30 | |
'After a voyage lasting almost five months, | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
'104 English adventurers finally arrive in America.' | 0:10:32 | 0:10:36 | |
Huh! Wet stockings, I hate that. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
'They're here to find gold. They're to make history. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
'They're here to settle in America.' | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
Well, this is our first night on American soil | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
-and we've discovered a river. -BUZZING | 0:10:49 | 0:10:52 | |
And mosquitoes. Plenty of mosquitoes. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
We'll need to find a name for the river, though, | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
something that the King of England, King James, will approve of. | 0:10:56 | 0:11:00 | |
Um... | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
Ah, good name, the King'll like it. We shall build our town here. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:09 | |
-Splendid. -BUZZING | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
-Oi! -Mosquito. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Oh. Oh, thanks, I think. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
So what are we going to call our town, then? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
We should give it a name that King James would approve of. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
BOTH: Hmm... | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
'The settlers have all built their homes in Jamestown, | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
'but was it such a good choice of location?' | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
This is such a lovely spot, | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
I wonder why the native Indians don't live here. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
-It could be something to do with the swamp. -Yes, could be the swamp. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:37 | |
Could be the lack of drinkable water. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
Yes, could be the lack of drinkable water. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
-Or it could be the... -Ow! -..mosquitoes. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
Oh, well, least none of us have caught any nasty fevers. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
Me and my big mouth. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:52 | |
'Looks like Jamestown is going to need a new sign writer.' | 0:11:52 | 0:11:56 | |
You there, have you made the sign for the fort? | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
Yes, sir, and I took the liberty of naming it after myself. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:01 | |
You can't do that, what's your name? | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
-James. -Probably fine. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
'All is not well | 0:12:06 | 0:12:07 | |
'for the settlers of Jamestown.' | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
'Fever, angry locals and starvation have all taken their toll.' | 0:12:09 | 0:12:13 | |
I don't care about finding gold any more, I just want food. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
Poor Dobbin. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Yeah, I saw him this morning. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
I think he knew he was going to be eaten. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
-Oh, really, what makes you say that? -He had a long face. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
-Mosquito? -Nm-mm, bad joke. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
'Next week, on Colonisation, Colonisation, Colonisation... | 0:12:33 | 0:12:37 | |
'the settlers look to relocate.' | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
I asked the locals if we could have some of their nice, non-swampy land. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
-What did they say? -I think it was a no. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
'And the food situation gets critical.' | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
What's for supper, darling wife? | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
-It's poo. -Come, come, now, I'm sure it's not that bad. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
No, no. It's poo. It's a mixture of human and animal excrement. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:58 | |
It's all we had left. Now, do you want something to drink? | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
I'm guessing no? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
The settlers at Jamestown really were so hungry | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
they turned to eating poo. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
Everyone knows you shouldn't eat poo, you should wash in it. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
In 1620, it was the turn of the Pilgrim Fathers | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
to settle in America. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
# We're the Pilgrim Fathers You may have heard rather | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
# A lot 'bout our notion Crossing the ocean | 0:13:35 | 0:13:38 | |
# On the good ship Mayflower Though it's true | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
# Our journey turned into Quite a commotion | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
# People report that We sported these hats | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
# But that's not true I mean, would you? | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
# Anyway, the main thing to say We began the USA | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
# Our little band of religion fans From the East Midlands | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
# We all believed slowly That England was becoming less holy | 0:13:55 | 0:13:59 | |
# So set off for Holland Cos there we had friends | 0:13:59 | 0:14:02 | |
# But in the end Seemed the Netherlands | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
# Would never be The land we'd planned | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
# Couldn't stand to remain On that terrain | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
# So again we re-arranged | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
# To start a new nation With our congregation | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
# A new and calmer life | 0:14:13 | 0:14:14 | |
# Took a farmer and a builder and his wife | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
# And a cleric-ah To find Americah | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
# Oh, it's a new world | 0:14:19 | 0:14:23 | |
# It wasn't new to the Natives | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
# Still we thought we'd claim it | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
# Yeah, it's the New World | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
# I still remember ninth of November | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
# The year 1620 And we saw plenty of land | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
# We thanked God When we found ground at Cape Cod | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
-# But it didn't go as planned -Couldn't land on the sand | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
# A month later, though, we made it | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
# New Plymouth, man, we claimed it | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
# The natives said not But ran when we shot | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
# Moved there, it proved, yeah That life would be tough | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
# Cos we didn't have enough Of the right stuff | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
# Did you know? Had no seeds we could grow | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
# Although William Mullins had stacked | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
# 126 pairs of shoes in his pack Now, that's whack | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
# A fishing rod, a plough A pig or a cow | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
# Would have been a much better idea | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
# But now there's no food For us to eat | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
# Does this mean That we'll meet with defeat? | 0:15:14 | 0:15:18 | |
# No fun in the New World | 0:15:18 | 0:15:22 | |
# I'm glad we've arrived here But will we survive here? | 0:15:22 | 0:15:28 | |
# Yeah, in the New World | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
# People were starving Our numbers halving | 0:15:30 | 0:15:32 | |
# When the winter winds blew Even fewer lived through | 0:15:32 | 0:15:36 | |
# It wasn't pretty in our new city | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
# But the natives took pity Even though they didn't have to | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
# A man called Squanto Showed us how to grow maize | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
# Catch eel for a meal Build shelter in the bays | 0:15:43 | 0:15:47 | |
# Tribe gave us a feast Our starvation ceased | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
# In 1621, what they had done | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
# Turned us back from the dead to the living | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
# And to this day that's why we have Thanksgiving | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
# In Massachusetts Built a colony, it's true | 0:15:56 | 0:16:01 | |
# They say modern America Was founded by our crew | 0:16:01 | 0:16:06 | |
# It's a new world | 0:16:06 | 0:16:10 | |
# But we can't call it England | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
# Let's call it New England | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
# Yeah, it's a new world | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
# My home was in Plymouth Let's call this New Plymouth | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
# I got an idea Let's call this New Hampshire | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
# Way, I'm from Newcastle Can we call it New Newcastle? | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
# Nah | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
# It's a new world. # | 0:16:28 | 0:16:32 | |
During World War II, Germany was ruled by Adolf Hitler, | 0:16:38 | 0:16:42 | |
who was so mean even his own guards were afraid of him. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:46 | |
-I have an urgent message for the Fuhrer. -He is asleep, I'm afraid. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
-Well, I think we should wake him up. -Wake up Adolf Hitler? Are you mad? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:56 | |
-The Fuhrer is to sleep until midday. -Those are our orders. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
-Ja, but this is important. -Nothing is more important | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
-than the Fuhrer's orders. -Well, I think this might be. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
Nein, he is to sleep. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
Ja, otherwise he gets very grumpy. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
-Well, more grumpy than usual. -Ja. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
I don't care how grumpy he gets. He must be woken up! | 0:17:15 | 0:17:19 | |
The invasion has come. There are tanks rolling towards us as we speak. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:23 | |
-Tanks? -Well then, Rommel can deal with it, it's his job. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
-Rommel is here in Berlin. It's his wife's birthday. -There we are, then! | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
-If Rommel is here, then it can't be that serious. -No, dummkopf! | 0:17:29 | 0:17:33 | |
If Rommel is here, it means no-one knew the invasion was coming! | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
Don't you understand? Unless we act fast we might lose the war! | 0:17:36 | 0:17:40 | |
So let me get this straight. You want me to go in there | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
and wake up Mr Grumpy Pants...? | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
"What are you doing? I issued orders to sleep until 12!" | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
..and tell him that unless he wakes up we are going to lose the war? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
Ja! BOTH LAUGH | 0:17:52 | 0:17:56 | |
Listen, don't worry about it. There are tanks down there. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
The tanks are not moving, they are waiting for orders! | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
Then Rommel can give them orders. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:03 | |
We must have orders from the Fuhrer himself! | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
You still don't get it, do you? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
No, it is you who doesn't get it, Mr Man. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
If I go in there and wake up the Fuhrer before midday, | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
-he will... Well, he will... -Ooh, he'll... | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
Well, he will get in such a paddy! | 0:18:18 | 0:18:23 | |
Such a paddy he'll get in. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
I don't care about the paddy! | 0:18:25 | 0:18:26 | |
If we don't wake him up, we will lose the war! | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
The Fuhrer is awake, and he has issued his order. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
Give that to me! Honestly! | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
Marmalade on toast und apple strudel. What is this? | 0:18:38 | 0:18:43 | |
It's his breakfast order. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:44 | |
And it must be acted on immediately. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
'The German U-boat. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:53 | |
'Sleek, silent, fast, deadly. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
'It was the perfectly designed fighting machine. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
'Well, I say perfectly designed, it was fitted with a very complicated | 0:18:59 | 0:19:03 | |
'high-pressure toilet system. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
'During World War II, one U-boat captain went to the toilet | 0:19:05 | 0:19:09 | |
'and tried to flush it, but pulled the wrong lever.' | 0:19:09 | 0:19:12 | |
Captain, what have you done? | 0:19:12 | 0:19:15 | |
Oh, ja, you may want to leave it a while. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
'Rather than flush his sewage out, he'd opened the wrong valve | 0:19:18 | 0:19:22 | |
'and let raw sewage and sea water in.' | 0:19:22 | 0:19:25 | |
Oh, das is not good. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
'It seeped into the engine room, mixed with chemical batteries, | 0:19:26 | 0:19:30 | |
'and produced a lethal gas.' | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
I smell noxious gas. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
Yeah, I think that gas is just me. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
Oh, no, hold on. No, no, no, that one isn't. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
'The sub had no choice but to surface 12 miles off Scotland. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
'It was instantly spotted and had to surrender to the British.' | 0:19:43 | 0:19:48 | |
Uh, it's supposed to be a white flag, only... | 0:19:48 | 0:19:51 | |
Well, it's a long story, sorry. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
-That's 100% -accu-rat! | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
The captain destroyed his own U-boat by using the loo. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:01 | |
Not so much a red alert as a brown alert. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:20:04 | 0:20:05 | |
Sorry. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
Two types of early man, Homo Sapiens | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
and Neanderthal, were very different, | 0:20:15 | 0:20:18 | |
especially when it came to hunting. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
GRUNTING AND GROANING | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
Right, good morning. Good morning! Could we settle down, please? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:31 | |
Tell you what, I've had some primitive characters | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
around this table over the years, but you lot take the flaming biscuit! | 0:20:34 | 0:20:39 | |
Two words for ya. Beard trimmers. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
Boardroom presentation is 50% of the battle, and you lot look like | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
you've been dragged through a hedge backwards. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
Actually, Sugar, me have. By mega bear. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
It's Lord Sugar to you! But thank you, that explains it. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
Now, in business you need that killer instinct. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
So your task was to go out hunting. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
Team Neanderthal, who was your project manager? | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
-Uh, Grunt was project manager. -And was he any good? | 0:21:03 | 0:21:07 | |
-What do you think? Hmm. Him dead. -What a mess, honestly. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:11 | |
Did you Neanderthals even have a hunting strategy? | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
Nug, tell him your strategy. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:16 | |
Not my strategy, all Neanderthals' strategy. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
Oh, yeah, spread the blame, why don't you? | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
Look, I don't care who came up with the blooming strategy. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
-Can you just tell me what it is, please? -First, we hide. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
-Yeah? -Then we jump out, surprise prey and attack with spear! | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
Yeah, except Nug make noise. Nug warn mega bear. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:37 | |
No, Ugg make noise. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
-No, Nug make noise. -No, Ugg make noise. -A-argh! -Argh! | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
In short, the Neanderthals were cut to pieces | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
and the mega bear walked away with a couple of scratches. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:47 | |
Taking on prey head on is clearly a very high-risk strategy. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:51 | |
At least the Homo Sapien team here don't look like they've gone | 0:21:51 | 0:21:55 | |
ten rounds with a mega bear. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
What was your hunting strategy? | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
Run after prey, then throw spear. Kill from distance. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:04 | |
No need get near prey. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:05 | |
-Karen? -That's right, Lord Sugar. The Homo Sapiens are good runners | 0:22:05 | 0:22:09 | |
and they've developed a throwing javelin, | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
which means they don't need to get near their prey. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
Right, OK. Nick, let's find out how the teams did, then. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
Well, Team Neanderthal did manage one kill. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
-Shrew. Hee-hee! Shrew! -Shrew. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
Are you taking the mick? | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
You telling me that three of you went out there, only two of you | 0:22:24 | 0:22:27 | |
came back alive and all you brought back with ya was that shrew? | 0:22:27 | 0:22:30 | |
Yeah, put like that, it's not very good, is it? | 0:22:30 | 0:22:33 | |
No, it's not. How did the Homo Sapiens do? | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
Well, they killed two wild pigs, three deer | 0:22:36 | 0:22:40 | |
and a sort of badger thing with big teeth. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:42 | |
But no shrew. Shrew! | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
Just... All right, I've had it up to here with the flaming shrew, right? | 0:22:44 | 0:22:48 | |
Clearly we've got a winner here. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
Team Neanderthals, it's not all about brawn, | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
sometimes it's about your bonce. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
And your brains are clearly the size of a pea. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
Well, in point of fact, Lord Sugar, | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
the Neanderthal brain is larger than the Homo Sapien brain. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
-You're joking? -No. -Well, why don't you use it? | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
And if you're not careful, your entire race is going to die out. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:10 | |
For that reason, Team Neanderthal... | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
you're fired! | 0:23:13 | 0:23:14 | |
-What, all of us? -Yeah. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
Why don't you just fire Grunt? Him dead anyway. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
-He's still more flaming use to me than youse two are. -Ugh! | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
Get out of my sight, go on. Team Homo Sapien, | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
I've got a treat lined up for you. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
Have you ever been behind the wheel of a Formula One racing car? | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
ALL: Yeah! | 0:23:30 | 0:23:31 | |
-Sorry, what is wheel? -Never mind. We'll go, yeah? | 0:23:31 | 0:23:35 | |
-Mmm. -Oh, I'd love to. -Yeah. Karen, do you drive? | 0:23:35 | 0:23:37 | |
-I do. -You in? -I am. -I'm in, then. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:40 | |
The entire Neanderthal race did end up dying out, | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
even if you think your PE teacher is living proof that they didn't. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:48 | |
Because of their larger bodies and brains, | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
Neanderthals had to eat more food than you Homo Sapiens, | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
but they had inferior hunting techniques. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
If food became scarce, | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
the Homo Sapiens were better adapted to survival. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:01 | |
The rat knows all. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:04 | |
Did you know it was us Victorians who invented ice cream? | 0:24:08 | 0:24:12 | |
But you could sometimes get more than you bargained for. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:16 | |
Oh-ho-ho! Good day! | 0:24:16 | 0:24:18 | |
Ice cream! Ice cream! | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
Get your lovely ice cream here. Yes, child? | 0:24:20 | 0:24:24 | |
What flavours do you have? | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
What a fine question. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
Well, young lady, we've got cat hair, bed bug and flea, plain dust, | 0:24:28 | 0:24:33 | |
dust with lice, dust with straw, dust surprise, | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
which is dust with a little bit of cat hair in there too. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
Then we've got your cotton fibre, bed bug and cotton fibre, | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
and flea and cotton fibre ripple. All sorts of stuff | 0:24:42 | 0:24:46 | |
falls into your Victorian ice cream. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
I'm not sure which to choose, sir. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
Yeah, well, luckily you don't have to. We just mix it all together. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
There you go, it's all in there. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
Ooh, hey, would you like a couple of flakes with that? | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
-Yes, sir. -Yeah, course you would. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
Another happy customer. HE CHUCKLES | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
Ice cream! Ice cream! | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
Get your lovely ice cream here. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
The answer is... | 0:25:29 | 0:25:30 | |
B, wax painted brown, which can't be very good for you. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:34 | |
Yes, the diet of some Victorians could be pretty dangerous. | 0:25:34 | 0:25:38 | |
SHE SOBS | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
DI Bones, Historical Crime Squad. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
Don't worry, madam, the professionals are here. Now, where's the dead...? | 0:25:51 | 0:25:55 | |
Found it, it's here. Located the dead body. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:59 | |
Victim shows no visible signs of injury. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:05 | |
-You, what happened here? -Well, Uncle Albert was just having his tea | 0:26:05 | 0:26:09 | |
-and he dropped down dead, didn't he? -Yeah. -Yeah. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
-Might have been poisoned. -Poisoned? -Indeed. Let's take a look. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
-Bread shows signs of a white chalky substance. -That'll be the chalk. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:21 | |
The bakers make the bread look whiter using chalk. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
What's this? Oh, it's a toenail! | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
That'll be the baker's. He kneads the bread with his feet. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
That'll explain the cheesy smell. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
Still, might not be enough to kill him. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
-What was he drinking? -Well, that coffee. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
Now, that to me smells nutty. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
Oh, that'll be the acorns. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
We can only afford cheap coffee and they tend to put sawdust in it. | 0:26:42 | 0:26:44 | |
And acorns. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
-Was he drinking anything else? -Just sheep brain. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
-And arsenic. -Come again? | 0:26:48 | 0:26:50 | |
Dodgy tradesmen sometimes put sheep brains in the milk. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:54 | |
Look. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:55 | |
-Oh! -And to save money, they pad out the sugar with arsenic. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:59 | |
That's poisonous! | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
Oh, I wouldn't worry. I've been eating the sugar for years. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
She's been poisoned! Go and fetch some water, man! Quickly! | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
Just water! Nothing added! | 0:27:09 | 0:27:10 | |
-Here you go! Here's your water! -Sure nothing's been added to that? | 0:27:10 | 0:27:14 | |
-Absolutely, I got it straight from the pump. -Smells funny. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:18 | |
Ah, yeah, that'll probably be the cholera. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
Note to self. Get a desk job. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:26 | |
# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the facts... # | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
If you enjoyed that, why not come and play? | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
Go to the CBBC website, | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
and click on Horrible Histories. See you there! | 0:27:37 | 0:27:41 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery Hope you enjoyed... | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
CHANTING: # Horrible Histories. # | 0:27:44 | 0:27:47 |