Episode 7 Horrible Histories


Episode 7

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# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians

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# Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights, Dingy Castles, Daring Knights

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# Horrors that defy description, Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians

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# Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crime, Punishments from ancient times

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# Roman, Rotten, Rank and Ruthless, Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless

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# Groovy Greeks, Brainy sages, Mean and Measly Middle Ages

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# Gory Stories we do that

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# And your host a talking rat

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# The past is no longer a mystery

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# Welcome to

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# Horrible Histories. #

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Rotten Romans.

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During the reign of Emperor Augustus,

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we Romans formed an alliance with some Germanic barbarians.

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But trusting them was another matter, as this General found out.

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General, I've been thinking.

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I did specifically ask you not to do that, Eggius.

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I know, sir, sorry, sir. Only I couldn't help thinking,

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is it really wise to march in single file

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along a narrow path through dense forest?

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Your point being?

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Well, might we not be ambushed by barbarians?

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Why on earth would you think that, Eggius?

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Two things, really.

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One, this is the perfect place

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for barbarians to ambush a Roman Legion

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and two, a spy has warned us

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that barbarians are going to ambush a Roman Legion, specifically us.

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Poppycock, Eggius.

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The secret to great leadership is being able to tell the difference

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between what's true and what's poppycock, and that is poppycock.

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The barbarians in this region are our allies.

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That said, might it not be a good idea

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to send a reconnaissance party out in front?

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Yeah, good idea, you go ahead,

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at least then I won't be able to listen to all your bellyaching.

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Take a couple of the men with you.

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-Er, Sir.

-What is it now, Eggius?

-Hm.

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Right, I see. Erm, just keep walking, Eggius.

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Maybe they haven't seen us.

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-A bit faster?

-Yeah, a bit faster would be good.

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-Oh.

-Oh.

-oh.

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Three Roman Legions were annihilated in the ambush. 15,000 soldiers!

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That's more Romans than I've got lice.

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When Emperor Augustus heard of the disaster,

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he repeatedly hit his head against the walls of his palace

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saying, "Give me back my legions."

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Old Augustus wasn't used to failure.

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I really shouldn't have done that!

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In a time of conflict...

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Sire, we have Mark Antony and Cleopatra cornered at Actium.

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Could end this Civil War with one blow.

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..only one man could defeat Mark Antony, a powerful Roman General

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and Cleopatra, the Queen of Egypt.

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I am Emperor Gaius

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Julius Caesar

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Octavianus Divi Filius Augustus.

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Augustus, I'm Emperor Augustus.

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And I shall have a victory at Actium that will echo through history.

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The story of:

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-What's your name?

-Agrippa.

-Bless you.

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I'd like you to take care of the details for me.

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Sorry, when you say details?

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You know, the battle, the fighting,

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I'd like you to go and win the battle for me.

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It's likely to be sunny and I don't want to get sunburnt, so...

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Right, so I go and...

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-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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-Yeah.

-Fine.

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Augustus, he rebuilt a city and founded an empire.

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Sire, through your leadership we have destroyed the enemy.

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Yeah.

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Well, it wasn't really his leadership. I mean I,

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you know what, fine, carry on.

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Yes.

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I shall build Rome anew,

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creating the greatest city the world has ever seen.

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Yes.

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Can you sort the details, erm, thingy?

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-Agrippa.

-Bless you.

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You know, the buildings, the roads, the sewers, the baths,

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that sort of thing.

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I don't want to go outside,

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I'm worried I might be hit by lightning.

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Right, so I go and...

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Oh, and can you pay for the food

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-and bathing for the people out of your own pocket?

-Yeah.

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Emperor, you are too generous.

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Really, he...?

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Augustus, his achievements would be remembered through all eternity.

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That's nice, new?

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-Yes. Erm, Arthur?

-Agrippa.

-Bless you.

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I'm having it copied and placed in every major city in the Empire.

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I call it the Res Gestal, it's a list of my achievements.

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How I won battles, built Rome and created an Empire.

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You didn't do that, I did that.

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Not what it says here.

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Augustus, the story of the greatest leader ancient Rome ever had

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and his friend, erm, Ah Tissue.

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Now, read me a bedtime story, you know I can't sleep without one.

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Once upon a time, there was a famous king

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who made his best friend do all the actual work

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-and his name was Agrippa.

-Bless you.

-Oh!

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Augustus, the movie.

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"I found Rome a city of brick and left it a city of marble."

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Well, with a bit of help from what's-his-name.

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I wonder what's wrong with Adrian?

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Terrible Tudors.

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You may have heard of the Princes in the Tower.

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When Edward IV died, his brother, Richard III took the crown

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and had Edward's two young sons locked up in the Tower of London

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and possibly killed.

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But then, Henry Tudor beat Richard III in battle

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and became Henry VII.

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And remember those Princes in the Tower?

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One of them, Richard Duke of York,

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mysteriously reappeared to claim his crown.

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This is Father Richard Simons,

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an Oxford trained priest and scholar who has asked for our help

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to confirm his royal ancestry in...

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No, no not me, the boy, the boy.

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Oh, oh right. This is a erm...

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-13-year-old.

-Really? Looks a lot younger

-No, 13.

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OK, so this is a 13-year-old boy who this priest has asked us

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to confirm that he, the boy, has royal ancestry, is that right?

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Yes, that's right, that's right.

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So, join us as we trace back his family tree and ask the question,

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13-year-old boy, who on earth are you?

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To help search the boy's ancestry for any royal link,

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we've enlisted the help of leading family historian,

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Sir Francis Guesswork.

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So then, first things first, what's your name?

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-La...

-Richard Duke of York. He's Richard Duke of York, aren't you?

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-Erm.

-See.

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Well then, this is quite a discovery.

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You were believed to have been murdered

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in the Tower of London as a child,

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one of the infamous Princes in the Tower.

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And you most certainly have a royal bloodline,

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in fact as the son of Edward IV, you'd...

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Be the rightful King with all the fame,

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money, power and influence that goes with it,

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which you would no doubt share with me,

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being your loyal friend and tutor.

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Do you know that thought hadn't even crossed our minds, had it, Lambert?

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I mean, Prince Richard.

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Right then, let's go and claim that crown of his.

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I mean, yours.

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-Oh, no, you, you just can't go and claim the crown.

-Why not?

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You need proof.

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There's documentation, testimonies, supporters.

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All right, all right.

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You know, it's fascinating really

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because one of the other claimants to the throne recently went missing.

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Oh! Er, who was that?

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Edward Plantagenet, Earl of Warwick,

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he hasn't been seen since Henry VII had him locked up in the Tower.

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How old would he be?

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12.

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-That's him.

-What?

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Sh!

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But you said he was 13?

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And you said he looks younger. He is, he's 12.

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Er, he escaped from the Tower and I found him.

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But I thought he was the Duke of York?

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You must have made a spelling mistake.

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this is definitely the Earl of Warwick.

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Let's go and claim that crown.

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I'll rally some supporters and we'll see you at the palace.

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Yeah, I don't think that's such a good i...

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Oh!

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In an attempt to verify Father Simons' claim,

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Francis has brought in royalty expert, King Henry VII.

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Sorry we're late, had to gather some supporters

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and then we stopped for lunch and, anyway, this is the Earl of Kildare.

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Head of the Irish Government and may I say, your Majesty,

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that we are so convinced that this little fellow

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is the rightful King of England that we've just gone ahead

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and crowned him King Edward VI, so we have.

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So there.

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Well, your Majesty,

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he clearly has the Irish on side,

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which does make a pretty convincing case

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for this being the real Edward, Earl of Warwick.

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Yes, yeah, I can totally see

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why you think this is the real Edward, Earl of Warwick,

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but I'll tell you why I'm not completely convinced.

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And why is that?

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Because this

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is the real Edward Earl of Warwick.

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He didn't die and he certainly didn't escape.

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I've had him locked up in the Tower the whole time.

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So what do you say to that, Father Simons?

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Ah, is there anyone else in line for the throne

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aged between, sort of, nine and 14?

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Guards! Take this fraud away.

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Bye.

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So then, lad, what's your real name?

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Lambert Simnel, Sir.

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Well, young Lambert, you're for the chop.

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Oh!

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And the rib and the fillet and the shank.

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I'm going to give you a job cooking meat in the royal kitchens.

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Oh, thank you, Sir.

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I don't suppose you need someone to do veg?

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Shut up, you.

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Henry VII fought off all of the claims to his throne.

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If he hadn't, Henry VIII would never have been king.

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And this weird contraption would never have been invented.

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Hello, I'm Henry VIII.

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I'm not getting any younger, or smaller.

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Can't work out why.

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I'm even having difficulty getting up the stairs.

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Luckily I've discovered this.

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The all new Tudor King Lift.

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The ultimate mobility aid for tubby monarchs.

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Here's how it works.

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Using a series of pulleys, known as the block and tackle system,

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my new Tudor King Lift

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makes getting up the massive staircase at Whitehall Palace

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as easy as beheading a loved one.

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There, that's so much easier.

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No effort required at all.

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SNAP

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Ergh.

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Right, can somebody design a King picker-upper?

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Quickly.

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Oh, no, oh, I'm too fat. Oh!

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Woeful Second World War.

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Hello and welcome to the News at When, when?

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About 75 years ago, when Germany,

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a country still reeling from the effects of the First World War,

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finds itself with a leader who's about to start another one.

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Here with more details on this rather unwelcome sequel

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is Bob Hail, with the World War Two report. Bob.

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Thank you, Sam.

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Well, the year is 1938, that behind me is the world

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and hold onto your helmets because it's about to go to war.

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Again!

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Yes, it's 20 years since Germany lost the First World War

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and had a load of land taken off them.

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And their leader, Adolf Hitler. Yeah, that one.

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Has decided he wants it back, so he just takes it.

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I know, he's like that.

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Which does not go down well with Britain and France,

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who send their Prime Ministers to have a little word with him.

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So, Hitler promises that he won't take over anymore territories,

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peace is guaranteed and everyone lives happily ever after

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in candy floss houses with gingerbread roofs.

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But not for long, now it turns out that Hitler has a memory

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much like his moustache, very short.

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He forgets about this Peace Treaty

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and promptly invades Czechoslovakia, allies with Italy

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and turns his eye towards Poland followed by his tanks and his guns.

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But, just the week before, Britain signed an agreement with Poland,

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promising to fight anyone who tries to invade them.

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Which can mean only one thing.

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Group hug.

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Oh, no, my mistake, all out war!

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Yes, in September 1939,

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Britain and France along with Australia, New Zealand and Canada,

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declare war on Germany and Italy - and the Second World War has begun.

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An event, which if we look at a dramaometer,

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is precisely this exciting.

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Yes, for nine long months, nothing really happens as the Allies

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place all their troops behind this wall, the Maginot Line,

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and wait for Hitler to come and get them, which he never does.

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Instead, he spends his time invading Norway, Denmark

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and the Netherlands before sneaking past the Maginot Line

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-through Belgium and invading France by the back door.

-Boo!

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Wow, there's a lot of you in today.

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So, now, with France under Nazi rule.

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Britain is on the front line,

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which means there's suddenly more drama that our thingy can handle.

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As World War Two takes to the skies.

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Yes, no sooner had the RAF prevented a German invasion

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in the Battle of Britain,

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than Hitler starts dropping bombs on British cities.

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And a huge blitz known unimaginatively as The Blitz.

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And while Britain stays strong, Germany grows even stronger

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as Japan, Hungary and Romania all join Hitler's side,

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which then takes over Yugoslavia, Greece and North Africa.

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Yes, Adolf's got invasion fever and despite promising

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that he'd never invade Russia, he then invades Russia.

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Honestly, it's like you can't trust him or something.

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And it seems that this invasion fever is catching

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as Japan is now bitten by the bug.

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Yes, after attacking the US Navy at Pearl Harbour,

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a Hawaiian island and terrible movie, the Japanese take over

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Thailand, Burma, the Philippines, Borneo, Hong Kong and Singapore.

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They even have a crack at Australia.

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In fact, if we look at the countryometer,

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or map as some people like to call it,

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it's quite clear that Hitler's going to win

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there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. Right?

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Wrong, you see the Russians have already started

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fighting back the Germans on a new Eastern front.

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And America, angered by Pearl Harbour, the attack,

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not the movie, have joined the Allies, too.

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Yes, now the Nazi's are facing more troops from more directions

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than ever before and the tide begins to turn.

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The Americans beat back the Japanese over the Pacific,

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while British forces push the Nazis out of North Africa.

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The Russians push back from the east

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and the Allies push up from the south.

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Whilst over in the Far East, the Allies win back Burma.

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In fact with one big push,

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those Nazis could be forced into a retreat.

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And do you know what?

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Here comes one big push, yes it's D-Day where everyone

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with a name beginning with D gets to invade France and the, what?

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Oh, right, sorry, my mistake.

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It's where 160,000 Allied troops with various names

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invade the French coast of Normandy

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to start forcing the Nazis back across Europe.

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Yes, now Hitler is facing a war on three fronts,

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or one bottom and two sides,

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depending on how you like to look at it.

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And when his Italian counterpart, Mussolini, is overthrown and killed,

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the writing's on the wall for Hitler.

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Writing that says, "You're finished, mate." But in German.

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So, on May 8, 1945 Germany surrenders

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and the war is finally over.

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Except, not really because back over in the East,

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Japan and the USA are still battling it out, until the Japanese are

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forced to surrender, by two bombs so big they wipe out entire cities.

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So, after six years and 60 million deaths,

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World War II finally finds a fittingly foul finale.

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Yes, war is over and ladies and gentlemen,

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all I am saying is give peace a chance because when you...

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Ouch! You pricked me.

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Well, say you're sorry!

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Oh, silent treatment, is it?!

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Well, you know what this means, war!

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Not so big now, eh?! Come back!

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Gorgeous Georgians.

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There was some most unusual people around in Georgian times

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and none more so than a certain Reverend Harvest.

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And thus we finish our reading from Corinthians.

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I must say, I'm very disappointed with the turnout this morning.

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Well, it could be that last week you chased everybody out of here

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with a shotgun and accused them of being squatters.

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Well if they weren't squatters, Roger,

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what were they doing in the church at that time?

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Well, they come to the church at the same time every week

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because that's when the service is.

0:14:450:14:47

Oh, well that's where I got confused. It's lack of sleep.

0:14:470:14:51

Last night, someone was shaking me all night.

0:14:510:14:53

That was me.

0:14:530:14:55

You were sleeping in my bed, you were in the wrong house.

0:14:550:14:57

Ah, well one is entitled

0:14:570:15:00

to make one or two small mistakes.

0:15:000:15:02

But when it comes to the big stuff, Roger, I am always on the ball.

0:15:020:15:06

Reverend Harvest, you're meant to be at a wedding this morning.

0:15:080:15:11

Oh, really, whose?

0:15:110:15:13

Yours, you idiot. We are supposed to be getting married.

0:15:130:15:16

Oh, I'm sorry, that's the second time I've missed my own wedding.

0:15:160:15:20

Have you organised the honeymoon?

0:15:210:15:23

I'll need horses for the buggy.

0:15:230:15:24

My father, the Bishop, lent you some horses yesterday.

0:15:240:15:27

I've lost them I'm afraid.

0:15:270:15:29

Could you lend me a horse, please?

0:15:290:15:31

Not after hearing that, no.

0:15:310:15:32

It looks like we're walking. Shall we go to France?

0:15:320:15:35

I know my way around France, well, I don't really,

0:15:350:15:37

but what I do know is, is that if you lose your hotel

0:15:370:15:40

you can find it by putting a silver coin in your mouth and roaring.

0:15:400:15:43

I've done it before.

0:15:430:15:45

What about the wedding?

0:15:450:15:46

Is someone getting married?

0:15:460:15:48

I'd rather not.

0:15:480:15:49

Reverend Harvest was a total eccentric.

0:15:520:15:55

He once showed a posh lady the stars in the sky

0:15:550:15:59

and half way through talking, had a wee.

0:15:590:16:03

Hm, well, what's wrong with that, huh?

0:16:030:16:06

It's only a little one. Huh. A wee-wee.

0:16:060:16:10

There were some right characters around in Georgian times, oh, yes.

0:16:100:16:14

All right, I'll clear it up.

0:16:140:16:15

Hah.

0:16:150:16:17

Hi, I'm Penny Bell and you're watching Georgian Showbiz News.

0:16:200:16:24

We've got all the latest news on all the latest stars.

0:16:240:16:27

Coming up later, we've got Samuel Bishop. Awesome!

0:16:270:16:31

Yes, the Georgian entertainer

0:16:310:16:33

who taught his dog to dance with a monkey

0:16:330:16:35

is back with his new act,

0:16:350:16:37

a Tortoise who can fetch like a dog. Cute.

0:16:370:16:41

Fetch, fetch.

0:16:410:16:43

Get the ball.

0:16:430:16:45

And we've got an exclusive report on the death of circus exhibit,

0:16:450:16:48

Daniel Lambert.

0:16:480:16:50

Sad Face.

0:16:500:16:51

The 52-stone man mountain passed away last week

0:16:510:16:54

and there were tears at his funeral.

0:16:540:16:56

Oh, no, I'm not a relative.

0:16:590:17:00

No, I didn't even know the man.

0:17:000:17:02

I just put me back out carrying his coffin.

0:17:020:17:05

But first, you won't believe it.

0:17:050:17:07

I got to meet Daniel Wildman, that's right,

0:17:070:17:10

the Daniel Wildman, London beekeeper and showman extraordinaire.

0:17:100:17:15

Check me out.

0:17:150:17:16

Daniel's act involves riding a horse whilst wearing a mask of bees

0:17:160:17:20

and he's certainly got the whole of Georgian Britain buzzing.

0:17:200:17:24

Daniel, hi.

0:17:240:17:26

I was going to give you a showbiz kiss,

0:17:260:17:28

but I think I'd better keep my distance.

0:17:280:17:31

Don't worry, my bees won't sting you.

0:17:310:17:33

I've got them well trained. Watch this.

0:17:330:17:35

-How do you do it?

-I tied a thread around the Queen Bee.

0:17:380:17:41

Haul her around and the others just follow. Simple.

0:17:410:17:45

Are you sure they won't sting? They sound kind of angry?

0:17:450:17:48

Relax. If they do get out of control...

0:17:480:17:51

-Are you going to shoot them?

-No, no, no, one shot from this

0:17:510:17:54

and I can send them all back to their hive.

0:17:540:17:56

GUNSHOT

0:17:560:17:57

Ta-dah!

0:17:590:18:01

Now, Daniel, you've got a new book out,

0:18:010:18:03

A Complete Guide For The Management Of Bees Throughout The Year.

0:18:030:18:07

What's it about?

0:18:070:18:08

BUZZING

0:18:080:18:09

Ow! I thought you said your bees wouldn't sting me?

0:18:090:18:12

That's not one of my bees.

0:18:120:18:13

Hm, this is Penny Bell with bee man, Daniel Wildman

0:18:130:18:17

and I've just been stung.

0:18:170:18:18

Oh, and that's five shillings for the book.

0:18:180:18:20

Twice!

0:18:200:18:21

In ancient Egypt, we really liked to look good.

0:18:270:18:30

I mean, check me out.

0:18:300:18:32

But for everyone else, it wasn't always so easy.

0:18:320:18:35

Hello.

0:18:380:18:39

I wonder, have you got anything to help with this?

0:18:390:18:42

With what, there's nothing there.

0:18:420:18:44

-That's really funny.

-I know.

0:18:440:18:46

Do you have a cure for baldness?

0:18:460:18:48

Er, yes, sir, certainly, I can mix you up a cure.

0:18:480:18:50

Let me just check and see if I've got the right ingredients.

0:18:500:18:52

-Great.

-Let's have a look.

0:18:520:18:54

So, I need the fat of a hippo.

0:18:540:18:57

Check.

0:18:580:18:59

The fat of a Tom cat.

0:18:590:19:01

Check.

0:19:010:19:02

And the fat... Oh, dear, I seem to be missing some ingredients.

0:19:030:19:07

-What's up?

-I need the fat of a snake.

0:19:070:19:09

I've got one living in my grain store.

0:19:090:19:11

-Shall I go and see if it's there?

-Yeah, great, OK, thank you.

0:19:110:19:13

-See you in a sec.

-Yeah.

0:19:130:19:15

-Argh!

-Eurgh!

0:19:150:19:18

I found him.

0:19:180:19:19

-Argh!

-Thank you.

0:19:210:19:23

Right, all I need now is the fat of a Nubian ibex.

0:19:230:19:27

As in an ibex that lives on the lands of our mortal enemies,

0:19:270:19:31

-the Nubians?

-Yes, indeed.

0:19:310:19:33

-Great, well, I'll just go and...

-It's your head, mate.

-Cheers.

0:19:330:19:36

-Aahh!

-Oh, careful, you almost spilt my snake fat.

0:19:380:19:41

You'd have had to go and get some more.

0:19:410:19:43

All I need now is some crocodile fat.

0:19:430:19:45

Do you think we could not do this one at a time,

0:19:450:19:47

just give me the whole list now.

0:19:470:19:49

-That's it, all we need is crocodile fat and we're done.

-Sure?

0:19:490:19:52

Absolutely.

0:19:520:19:53

Ahh!

0:19:560:19:57

Crocodile. All done.

0:19:590:20:01

Yep. We've er... Oh, no, I forgot to read the other side of the list.

0:20:010:20:06

We need lion fat.

0:20:060:20:08

Do you sell wigs?

0:20:100:20:12

The answer is, B.

0:20:250:20:27

Medicines were made from all sorts of poo in ancient Egypt,

0:20:270:20:30

from fly droppings to ostrich poo.

0:20:300:20:33

And number two's were used in beauty treatments, as well.

0:20:330:20:36

Urgh!

0:20:360:20:37

This season treat yourself

0:20:370:20:38

to the all-in-one ancient Egyptian beauty set,

0:20:380:20:41

eyeliner, face make-up and moisturiser in one easy-to-use pack.

0:20:410:20:46

It's got to be Only For Men.

0:20:460:20:48

What? Men?

0:20:480:20:50

That's right, it's got everything an Egyptian man needs to look his best.

0:20:500:20:54

Stunning black lead eyeliner.

0:20:540:20:56

Luscious clay make-up for cheeks and lips, and there's more.

0:20:560:20:59

Buy the Only For Men beauty kit today

0:20:590:21:02

and get this Only For Men leg hair removal cream absolutely free.

0:21:020:21:05

Only For Men.

0:21:050:21:06

Yes, with our new improved formula of oil, bird bones,

0:21:060:21:09

cucumber and gum, now with added fly dung.

0:21:090:21:12

You can make embarrassing leg hair a thing of the past.

0:21:120:21:14

Simply heat the cream, apply to the affected area

0:21:140:21:17

and wait for it to set.

0:21:170:21:19

Then pull it off bringing all the unwanted hair with it.

0:21:190:21:22

Argh!

0:21:220:21:23

Just look at the difference.

0:21:230:21:25

Before, no pain.

0:21:250:21:27

After, lots of pain.

0:21:270:21:28

Only For Men.

0:21:280:21:30

Look like a man with the Only For Men ancient Egyptian

0:21:300:21:33

beauty set, Only For Men.

0:21:330:21:34

Only For Men.

0:21:340:21:36

Now that's what I call macho.

0:21:360:21:38

Does my bottom look big in this?

0:21:380:21:40

Only For Men.

0:21:400:21:41

Measly Middle Ages.

0:21:430:21:45

I'm here in Middle Ages England on my way to meet a man

0:21:500:21:54

who's planning to build a massive extension.

0:21:540:21:57

And all this while he's working full time as King of England.

0:21:570:22:00

His name is Edward I.

0:22:000:22:03

-Hello.

-Just how big is this extension of yours going to be?

0:22:030:22:07

Around 8,000 square miles, give or take.

0:22:070:22:10

It really is massive, and what would you call that, a conservatory,

0:22:100:22:13

-a garden room?

-Well, I call it Wales.

0:22:130:22:16

Edward's plan is to extend his current home of England

0:22:160:22:19

out to the west, to incorporate

0:22:190:22:21

all of the neighbouring country of Wales, where the Welsh live.

0:22:210:22:25

He plans to underpin this new extension

0:22:250:22:28

with an ambitious building programme that includes several

0:22:280:22:30

of the largest castles ever built,

0:22:300:22:33

including Beaumaris, Harlech, Caernarvon and Conway.

0:22:330:22:37

And how is the project going down with the neighbours?

0:22:370:22:40

Good, I think, yeah. Good.

0:22:400:22:42

Excuse me, I don't mean to be any bother, but you seem to be building

0:22:420:22:44

a giant castle in the back of my garden, and I was just wondering...

0:22:440:22:47

-Take that, you Welsh scum.

-Argh!

0:22:470:22:50

You wouldn't say there were any tensions?

0:22:500:22:53

Oh, you're talking about the budget.

0:22:530:22:54

Because I'm proud to say that despite this being

0:22:540:22:57

one of the most extensive castle building projects in history,

0:22:570:23:00

we're well within budget. Mainly because there isn't one.

0:23:000:23:03

I'm so rich I've told my architect, Master James of St George,

0:23:030:23:06

that I don't care what it costs.

0:23:060:23:08

And, of course, we're stealing only the best

0:23:080:23:11

locally sourced materials for the stonework.

0:23:110:23:13

I can't help noticing your relationship with the locals

0:23:130:23:16

-could be better?

-Oh, really, how?

0:23:160:23:19

Argh!

0:23:190:23:21

You could stop killing them for a start.

0:23:210:23:23

Well, that's what all the castles are for, you see.

0:23:230:23:25

Once they've been built, we won't have any of this unpleasantness.

0:23:250:23:28

There'll be an army there to keep them quiet.

0:23:280:23:31

For me, it's all about sustainability.

0:23:310:23:33

The castles can sustain an English army in Wales.

0:23:330:23:36

Argh!

0:23:360:23:38

You see, they're getting it already. I like him.

0:23:380:23:40

Do you think you can to bring this project in on time, Edward?

0:23:400:23:44

Yes, I hope to be finished within two years.

0:23:440:23:46

And then you can put your feet up and enjoy your new extension?

0:23:460:23:49

No, then I start extending out the back.

0:23:490:23:52

Out the back?

0:23:520:23:53

Out the back, here.

0:23:530:23:55

You don't mean Scotland?

0:23:550:23:57

You say, "potay-to", I say, "potah-to".

0:23:570:23:59

You say, "Scotland", I say,

0:23:590:24:01

"excellent potential for an extension to my English Kingdom".

0:24:010:24:04

Edward's project may be controversial,

0:24:040:24:07

but you've got to admire its scale and ambition.

0:24:070:24:10

Although his plans to build a new extension in Scotland

0:24:100:24:13

have come to a halt due to a dispute with neighbour, William Wallace.

0:24:130:24:16

You may take our lives, but you will never get planning permission

0:24:160:24:20

-to build all those castles in Scotland.

-Really?

0:24:200:24:22

No. It's just not going to happen. Completely different...

0:24:220:24:25

Yes, Edward I fought the Scottish and the Welsh very aggressively.

0:24:250:24:30

William Wallace defended the Scots, but it would be over 100 years

0:24:300:24:34

before a Welshman would rise up against the English.

0:24:340:24:38

MUSIC: Delilah by Tom Jones

0:24:380:24:41

# I'm a Welsh noble, I mobilised Wales 'gainst the English

0:24:410:24:45

# He is Owen Glendower

0:24:450:24:47

# Fought King Henry IV because Wales abhorred English rule

0:24:470:24:51

# It's not unusual

0:24:510:24:54

# But my uprising

0:24:540:25:00

# It went a bit wrong

0:25:000:25:02

# And this song tells the surprising tale

0:25:020:25:06

# Oohhhh

0:25:070:25:09

# Owain Glyndwr

0:25:090:25:13

# Welsh hero of the hour

0:25:130:25:18

# It all began

0:25:200:25:22

# Cos my neighbour A vindictive man

0:25:220:25:26

# Baron Grey de Ruthyn

0:25:260:25:28

# Was spreading untrue things about me

0:25:280:25:31

# Said I was a rebel

0:25:320:25:34

# Who planned to repel England's king

0:25:340:25:37

# From the green grass of home

0:25:370:25:39

# Not really true

0:25:390:25:41

# But then more than a few were convinced

0:25:410:25:43

# We were ready to fight

0:25:430:25:45

# So I decided

0:25:450:25:51

# To take up the mantle

0:25:520:25:54

# Was given the handle of Prince

0:25:540:25:57

# Of Wales. #

0:25:570:25:58

MUSIC: Kiss by Prince

0:25:580:26:00

# You don't have to be Welsh

0:26:000:26:02

# To feel Welsh pride

0:26:020:26:04

# Even King's man Henry Hotspur ended up on my side

0:26:040:26:08

# We claimed Welsh ground

0:26:080:26:11

# Then in Hereford rain meant

0:26:110:26:13

# The King nearly drowned

0:26:130:26:15

# Washed away in his tent

0:26:150:26:17

# So partly thanks to Welsh weather I was crowned

0:26:170:26:21

# Think I'm gonna dance now

0:26:210:26:23

MUSIC: Delilah by Tom Jones

0:26:230:26:26

# I had great plans for new government, new law and churches

0:26:260:26:29

# So, what's new pussycat?

0:26:290:26:32

# But Henry IV had dried off and revenge was his game

0:26:320:26:36

# Thought that he'd help himself

0:26:360:26:38

# We were defeated

0:26:380:26:45

# He blocked supplies to Wales

0:26:450:26:47

# Our crops failed and starvation came

0:26:470:26:50

# Oooh

0:26:510:26:53

# Owain Glyndwr

0:26:530:26:56

# My family sent to the Tower

0:26:580:27:03

# As Welsh towns fell

0:27:040:27:07

# And we all know that never ends well

0:27:070:27:11

# So I disappeared, but my name is revered throughout Wales

0:27:110:27:16

# Who-oh

0:27:180:27:20

# Owain Glyndwr

0:27:200:27:23

# Father of the fight for Welsh power

0:27:240:27:29

# Welsh legend holds

0:27:300:27:33

# That should Wales ever need someone bold

0:27:330:27:37

# I'll rise up to help them

0:27:370:27:39

# Mind you, I'm 600 years old

0:27:390:27:42

# Whoh-oh-oh-oh-oh! #

0:27:480:27:53

# Tall tales, atrocious acts

0:27:540:27:56

# We gave you all the fearsome facts... #

0:27:560:27:58

Can't get enough of Horrible Histories,

0:27:580:28:00

then go to the CBBC Website and click on the link.

0:28:000:28:03

See you there.

0:28:030:28:06

# ..The past is no longer a mystery

0:28:060:28:08

# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #

0:28:080:28:13

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