Monkey Business Hotel Trubble

Welcome to Hotel Trubble!

Meet Sally, our receptionist.

Always service with a smile!

PHONE RINGS

And that's Lenny. He's a man of many talents.

We're just not sure what they are yet.

And here's Mrs Poshington and her cat, General Sirius Poshington.

She's our regular pest...I mean...guest.

She never leaves.

Which just leaves me, Jamie.

I'm the bellboy.

Can I take your bags?

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know it

# We're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# As we try to survive each day brings disaster

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm on and on

# So the hotel survives

# Trubble, Trubble always got a plan

# Hotel Trubble we're your biggest fan

# Trubble, Trubble keep the hotel alive. #

Sally, has something gone wrong with the hotel heating?

It's like a bake house in here.

I know. Help yourself to an ice cube, Mrs P.

No, I try not to eat between meals.

I haven't been this hot since my Belgian manservant

mixed up the labels on my mustard and my moisturiser.

-My face was on fire!

-Ouch.

Mind you, there wasn't a wrinkle to be seen on my ham sandwich!

It's so hot, even the money is melting in my purse.

I told you before, Mrs Poshington, we don't accept chocolate money.

I know, but it tastes so much nicer than the real stuff!

It's so hot in here. Oh, oh, it's so hot.

I can't take it any more. Oh, I can't take it.

Oh, Lenny, please, there are ladies present.

Where?

Oh, it's too hot.

Oh, that's better.

Well, I declare!

Oh...would someone do my back, please?

-I would, but I've just done me nails.

-Mrs P, do me back.

Well, I would, but...I really don't want to.

Ta-da!

-What do you look like?

-What do I look like?

Lenny's wearing a bikini.

Jamie, will you do my back? Please?

No.

I got this T-shirt

from the I'm A Celebrity Gorilla Fan Club to welcome him to the hotel.

Lionel the Celebrity gorilla is coming to this hotel?

Oh, I must do my hair.

Why, are you a, you a fan?

Well... You could say that.

Wow, that is...pretty.

It's because of Lionel the Celebrity gorilla that it's

so hot in here, cos the manager has requested that the hotel

temperature be the same as the jungle.

Hang on a minute...

Who is Lionel the Celebrity gorilla?

Here we are way down deep in the middle of the jungle.

Hey, Mrs P, good-looking chap, that David Hattenborough, eh? Yeah?

The dense foliage provides the perfect setting for them,

but as of yet we have not come into contact with the gorilla.

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

Can you please keep it down back there?

You're scaring away all the gorillas.

Oh!

After spending a few days with Lionel,

it was obvious he was intelligent.

HE LAUGHS

But it soon became clear

that he was far more intelligent than we first thought.

Can you spell cat?

That's Lionel.

Since leaving the jungle, he's become a celebrity.

He's friends with Wayne Rooney.

Who's Wayne Rooney?

-And here he is with JK Rowling.

-Oh, yeah, I've got all his albums.

JK Rowling writes books, and she's a woman.

Yeah, right.

I give up.

This afternoon Lionel is gonna be signing autographs for his fan club

in our hotel,

that's why we've given the hotel a complete make-over.

-Oh.

-Any questions?

Yeah, now can someone do my back?

ALL: No!

Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

-HEAVY ACCENT:

-Salutations. I'm Mr Sslyth.

It's French. I'm Lionel's manager,

and this, of course, is Lionel.

Yes-th, ah, I mean, yes. It is an honour to welcome you to the hotel.

GORILLA GRUNTS

He says thanks.

I painted these for you.

GORILLA GRUNTS

He said you have beautiful hands.

Perhaps you'd like to see the room

where the autograph signing's gonna take place.

HE GRUNTS

He says, "yes".

Right, follow me.

Oi, Lenny, Lenny, will you clear up that banana skin?

Ah, yes, Jamie, it's on my To Do list.

And bring in the photos for Lionel to sign.

-What did your last slave die of?

-He slipped on a banana skin.

Oh.

-What do you want?

-A tip.

Don't wear that in public.

Lionel's surprisingly human-like, isn't he?

Gorillas aren't that different to us.

Did you know a gorilla's DNA is 97% identical to that of a human?

Ah, Lenny's is only 62% identical to humans.

Ah, thanks, Sally.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Oh, something's come up.

-Oh, is it the lift?

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to leave

to go and see another client about a matter.

-Is it a celebrity client?

-Yeah.

Oh, maybe it's JK Rooney?

My client Gordon, the celebrity chef is cooking his speciality dish,

cod and haddock for the Royal Family.

Mmm, he's caused a bit of an uproar,

he's insisting that he will not cook fish fingers for Prince Charles.

Gordon Bennett.

No, Prince Charles.

Why won't he cook fish fingers?

Yeah, he says he has bigger fish to fry.

Now, I must go sort it out.

But what about Lionel?

Mmm, I guess I'll need to leave him in your

-capable hands.

-Yes!

I'll be back in time for the autograph session.

Will you be able to keep him out of harm's way until then?

Of course, we'll keep him under lock and key.

Oh, lock and mon-key! High five.

Between ten and 11, he likes to go for his morning constitutional.

Now, need I remind you,

if Lionel enjoys his stay here,

I'll be bringing all of my celebrity clients here.

His wish is our command.

Splendid. Now, before I go, I need to get

you to sign this contract accepting responsibility

should anything happen or if Lionel goes missing.

Can I take a look at that?

PHONE RINGS

That's Mr Trubble, I must take this.

Lenny, you're in charge,

have a look at the contract but whatever happens do not sign it, OK?

Right you are, boss.

-I just need you to sign your name.

-Oh, this is like being famous!

No-one's ever asked for my autograph.

Do you want a little message too?

-No, just sign your name.

-OK.

What's all this small print?

I need you to sign the contract and I'll tell you. Trust me.

There you go.

Excellent! Excellent!

-Anyway, this copy's for you and this copy's mine.

-Brilliant.

So what did all the small print say?

It says that should anything happen or if Lionel goes missing,

-you're going to pay me 32 million pounds...and 25 pence.

-What?

The heat is affecting my ears, I thought you said 32 million pounds.

Yes, and 25 pence.

PARP!

Right, I should really get going now.

Can you call me a taxi?

You're a taxi!

I'll catch the bus.

Yeah, no problem, sir, OK, goodbye.

Ah, what did Mr Sslyth's contract say?

He, he changed his mind and said we didn't have to sign it, so I,

I definitely did not sign it, no, sir-ee.

-Good.

-Lenny, you were told to clean that up.

-It's on my To Do list.

-And where's your To Do list?

I haven't written it yet, but writing my To Do list

will be the first item on my To Do list when I write my To Do list.

Guys, it's ten o'clock, time for Lionel's morning constitutional.

So let's organise a tour of the city for him.

Great, oh, it will be so good to get some fresh air.

With Lenny with us the chances the air will be fresh are slim to zero.

PARP!

Right, guys, let's get on our phones and organise the best day out ever.

-Hello...

-Hi...

-Hello.

Hi, yeah, is that the Queen?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Jamie from Hotel Trubble.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, absolutely I've got ya.

Yeah, no, he'll see you there at three. For tea, yeah?

Hi, yeah,

I'd like to book an appointment, please.

For Lionel the Celebrity gorilla, yeah.

My friend Lenny would like a massage as...

Yeah, he's got his own bikini,

it's his own bikini, he doesn't need to...doesn't need to get one.

Yeah, and he's a celebrity so I expect high maximum security.

Oh, oh, I hear you have really good ballroom classes.

Can I book him in for one of the classes and he's a gorilla,

so...the partner will have to be quite big and quite strong.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be there at two.

Yeah. Yeah at the zoo, at the zoo, yeah.

Hi, can you hear me? Is there a Spa?

I've got Lionel the Celebrity gorilla coming to stay

and I was just wondering if I could book him in for a massage?

Yes, please. Oh, and he likes to go swimming, is that OK?

Do you let gorillas swim in your pool?

But all I want to know is, can the gorilla use the swimming pool?

Yeah, no, that's fine, that's fine.

Does my bum look big in this photo?

Ah, this one really brings out your eyes, Lionel.

-Where's Lionel?

-Well, he was here just now, wasn't he?

Yeah, of course he was...I think.

Well, do you remember seeing him since we got back to the hotel?

-No!

-Oh, my God, he's gone, he's gone! Lionel's gone!

OK, he must be here somewhere,

so before we start panicking... let's search the hotel top to bottom.

Oh, can we please stop talking about bottoms?

THEY CALL FOR LIONEL

That's it, he's definitely gone.

-But where?

-Maybe he melted?

-He's a gorilla, not an ice cream.

-Oh, yeah.

We interrupt what you've just been talking about

to bring you this urgent news flash.

A large wild animal, I repeat a large wild animal,

has been seen rampaging through town.

An eye witness said a large wild animal

is rampaging through town.

It is not yet known who this animal is or who owns it,

but I'd hate to be the one in charge of it.

Oh, no, it's Lionel!

We have to find him before Mr Sslyth realises he's gone missing.

I mean, he can't have gone far,

he hasn't been missing long,

we have to find him and bring him back safely.

Together, we can do this.

Together, we can find Lionel the Celebrity gorilla. Are you with me?

Yes!

What about you, Lenny, are you with me?

HE SNORES

OK, guys, we need to find Lionel so let's split up.

Sally, you go that way, Lenny, you go that way,

and I'll go this way.

Lionel!

-Lionel!

-Lionel!

-Is that him? Lionel!

-Lionel!

Lionel!

This is a disaster! There's still no sign of Lionel anywhere.

We're doomed.

We bring you an update

on the newsflash we brought you earlier

about the large wild animal rampaging through town.

We now know that it is...

Lionel?

It turns out the animal is in fact L...

Excuse me, it turns out the animal is in fact L...

HE COUGHS

HE SLURPS

-HE BURPS

-That's better.

Yes?

Now, where was I?

It turns out the gorilla was in fact L... L... L...

Did I say gorilla? No, no, no, no.

That can't be right. Er, no. Thought not.

Turns out the wild animal was in fact Larry the Bad Baboon...

ALL: What?!

Accompanied by his friend and known troublemaker, Knuckleface the Bear.

-ALL: What?!

-Don't interrupt.

They've been apprehended and their mums have had words with them.

Now you can talk.

Thanks.

That wasn't Lionel after all, and we've still no idea where he is.

Ow! Oh...

WIND HOWLS

Can I borrow your fan, Lenny?

WIND HOWLS

Wait a minute. This is Mr Sslyth's contract.

Is it? How did that get there?

It says here if we lose Lionel we have to pay Mr Sslyth £32 million?!

And, er, 25 pence.

Oh, good job we didn't sign it.

B-But... Wha...?

Oh no! He DID sign it!

-He didn't?

-He did! Lenny, why?!

I panicked, Jamie.

Oh, situation just got a whole lot worse!

-32 million times worse!

-And 25 pence.

Maybe Mr Sslyth will take chocolate money.

We're doomed! Hotel Trubble is in big trouble!

Oh!

At last you've taken off that ridiculous bikini. It was ugly!

I've got it, I've got it.

OK, Lionel's due to meet his fans in just over two hours, right?

Look, we've got no choice but to get somebody

to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be Lionel.

Er, who on earth do we know that would make a convincing gorilla?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah, Mrs Poshington!

-No!

-Zack Efron?

No! Him!

Huh? PFFRRRT!

Yeah, he is very good.

You'll make a great gorilla, Lenny.

What? Oh, no, I... I can't be a gorilla.

I'm allergic to...er...

I'm allergic to bananas.

-You're eating one.

-Oh!

Yeah, nice try, Lenny.

-Or should I call you...Lionel?

-PFFRRRT!

I'm not Lionel.

How will I be able to speak to Mr Sslyth? I can't talk gorilla.

We'll tell him Lionel lost his voice.

I might have a better plan. I can speak gorilla, obviously.

-Really?

-Yeah, we were taught it at school.

You can pick French, German or Gorilla, and I picked Gorilla

because I thought it would be the most useful.

-Do you use it much?

-Well, only at school reunions,

but if we get Lenny to pretend he's Lionel, I can provide the voice,

and then we'll convince Mr Sslyth that Lenny's Lionel,

and we won't owe him a penny.

No. You know what? That's ludicrous.

Crazy. Quite simply the maddest idea I've ever heard.

And it might just work. Right, before Mr Sslyth gets back

-you need to practise acting like Lionel.

-I'm not happy about this.

-Then you shouldn't have signed the contract!

-Let's go.

-OK.

REGGAE MUSIC PLAYS

Thank you, boss!

This is going to really please who I'm going to meet.

OK. Do something... There we go...

That's great, that's cracking. Can I get three bananas?

Oh... Perfect. You're a very kind monkey.

Oh, big hug!

MONKEY GRUNTS Yeah.

MUSIC: "Love Is In The Air" by John Paul Young

# Love is in the air

# Everywhere I look around... #

You've got a nice six pack going there. Yeah.

# Love is in the air

# Every sight and every sound... #

You could swing on the swings.

Swing on the swings in the park. Gotta go round the monkey frame.

MONKEY GRUNTS

Go on the monkey bars, cos you ARE a monkey.

-MONKEY GRUNTS

-Yeah, I know.

HE WHISTLES

# Love is in the air...! #

Well, I must say, I can't quite put my finger on it

but Lionel looks...well, different.

That's because Sally gave him a short back and sides.

So although he may LOOK different,

that's definitely Lionel. Definitely.

Hmm. What's this? You've spelt your name wrong!

Huh?

Pardon?

SHE GRUNTS

Hmm...

What did she...? I mean, what did Lionel say?

He says he wants to start spelling it

just like the Ancient Greeks used to.

Oh, good thinking... I mean, good for him.

Hmm, well I can't quite tell what it is,

but something smells fishy.

-CHILDREN SCREAM Can I just...?

-I knew it!

I knew it!

Oh! Oh, no! Lionel was a man all along!

He tricked us! Oh, you big tricker!

Unless we bring out the real Lionel the Celebrity Gorilla

before I count to three, you owe me £32 million!

-And 25 pence.

-Indeed!

And I don't accept cheques.

-Do you accept chocolate money?

-One...!

We haven't got that kind of money.

Can we come to some sort of arrangement?

I could pay you in instalments, yeah?

How much?

50p. A year.

-Two!

-Oh, I know, take Lenny, he's very ape-like,

even when he's not in costume, so...

If you can't pay me, I'll have to keep Hotel Trubble for myself,

-and you'll all be working for me!

-You can't! You've no right.

Yes, I can, it's in the small print here.

So be it! Three! Hotel Trubble is mine!

DRAMATIC CHORD PLAYS

From this day forth it shall be known as Hotel Sslyth!

THUNDERCLAP

THEY CHATTER INDISTINCTLY

Lionel?! Lionel...!

Mrs Poshington! You found Lionel!

I haven't found him, he's been with me all afternoon in my room.

We've been drinking cups of tea, eating sherbet lemons

and talking of this and that.

It turns out that Lionel's mother Beatrice

was my next door neighbour for eight years when I lived in the Congo.

Small world, isn't it?

So you speak Gorilla?

Doesn't everybody?

THEY SPEAK "GORILLA"

Oh, boy!

Seeing as the real Lionel's back,

Hotel Trubble is saved!

THEY CHEER

-Mr Sslyth's a conman, a thief and a trickster.

-Lionel, we're leaving!

-HE GRUNTS

-I said, we're leaving!

HE GRUNTS, MRS POSHINGTON LAUGHS

-What did he say?

-BOTH: You're fired!

You haven't heard the last of Mr Sslyth!

ALL: Oooh!

Did you pick up that banana skin on reception?

Er... No.

-CRASH!

-Aaagh!

-Good!

We interrupt this programme...

Oh, not again!

Oi! Pipe down! Police have just announced they have caught

one of the most wanted men in the world.

This wanted man has conned many people with fake contracts,

claiming they owe him £32 million, and...

25 pence.

This sounds strangely familiar.

The crook, who goes by the name of Mr Sslyth...

-THEY GASP

-..was arrested in hospital

where he's being treated for banana skin-related injuries.

Well, it looks like we have seen the last of Mr Sslyth after all.

PHONE RINGS

SHE SPEAKS GORILLA

Oh, sorry, I mean, hello? Hotel Trubble?

# Hotel Trubble Forever

# It's the pits and we know We're stuck, but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm on and on So the hotel survives

# Trubble trubble Keep the hotel alive! #