Monkey Business Hotel Trubble


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble!

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Meet Sally, our receptionist.

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Always service with a smile!

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PHONE RINGS

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And that's Lenny. He's a man of many talents.

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We're just not sure what they are yet.

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And here's Mrs Poshington and her cat, General Sirius Poshington.

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She's our regular pest...I mean...guest.

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She never leaves.

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Which just leaves me, Jamie.

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I'm the bellboy.

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Can I take your bags?

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know it

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# We're stuck but we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# As we try to survive each day brings disaster

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm on and on

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# So the hotel survives

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# Trubble, Trubble always got a plan

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# Hotel Trubble we're your biggest fan

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# Trubble, Trubble keep the hotel alive. #

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Sally, has something gone wrong with the hotel heating?

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It's like a bake house in here.

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I know. Help yourself to an ice cube, Mrs P.

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No, I try not to eat between meals.

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I haven't been this hot since my Belgian manservant

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mixed up the labels on my mustard and my moisturiser.

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-My face was on fire!

-Ouch.

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Mind you, there wasn't a wrinkle to be seen on my ham sandwich!

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It's so hot, even the money is melting in my purse.

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I told you before, Mrs Poshington, we don't accept chocolate money.

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I know, but it tastes so much nicer than the real stuff!

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It's so hot in here. Oh, oh, it's so hot.

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I can't take it any more. Oh, I can't take it.

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Oh, Lenny, please, there are ladies present.

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Where?

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Oh, it's too hot.

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Oh, that's better.

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Well, I declare!

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Oh...would someone do my back, please?

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-I would, but I've just done me nails.

-Mrs P, do me back.

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Well, I would, but...I really don't want to.

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Ta-da!

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-What do you look like?

-What do I look like?

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Lenny's wearing a bikini.

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Jamie, will you do my back? Please?

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No.

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I got this T-shirt

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from the I'm A Celebrity Gorilla Fan Club to welcome him to the hotel.

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Lionel the Celebrity gorilla is coming to this hotel?

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Oh, I must do my hair.

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Why, are you a, you a fan?

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Well... You could say that.

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Wow, that is...pretty.

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It's because of Lionel the Celebrity gorilla that it's

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so hot in here, cos the manager has requested that the hotel

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temperature be the same as the jungle.

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Hang on a minute...

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Who is Lionel the Celebrity gorilla?

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Here we are way down deep in the middle of the jungle.

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Hey, Mrs P, good-looking chap, that David Hattenborough, eh? Yeah?

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The dense foliage provides the perfect setting for them,

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but as of yet we have not come into contact with the gorilla.

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PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

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Can you please keep it down back there?

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You're scaring away all the gorillas.

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Oh!

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After spending a few days with Lionel,

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it was obvious he was intelligent.

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HE LAUGHS

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But it soon became clear

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that he was far more intelligent than we first thought.

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Can you spell cat?

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That's Lionel.

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Since leaving the jungle, he's become a celebrity.

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He's friends with Wayne Rooney.

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Who's Wayne Rooney?

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-And here he is with JK Rowling.

-Oh, yeah, I've got all his albums.

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JK Rowling writes books, and she's a woman.

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Yeah, right.

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I give up.

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This afternoon Lionel is gonna be signing autographs for his fan club

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in our hotel,

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that's why we've given the hotel a complete make-over.

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-Oh.

-Any questions?

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Yeah, now can someone do my back?

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ALL: No!

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Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

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-HEAVY ACCENT:

-Salutations. I'm Mr Sslyth.

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It's French. I'm Lionel's manager,

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and this, of course, is Lionel.

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Yes-th, ah, I mean, yes. It is an honour to welcome you to the hotel.

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GORILLA GRUNTS

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He says thanks.

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I painted these for you.

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GORILLA GRUNTS

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He said you have beautiful hands.

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Perhaps you'd like to see the room

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where the autograph signing's gonna take place.

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HE GRUNTS

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He says, "yes".

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Right, follow me.

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Oi, Lenny, Lenny, will you clear up that banana skin?

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Ah, yes, Jamie, it's on my To Do list.

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And bring in the photos for Lionel to sign.

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-What did your last slave die of?

-He slipped on a banana skin.

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Oh.

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-What do you want?

-A tip.

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Don't wear that in public.

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Lionel's surprisingly human-like, isn't he?

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Gorillas aren't that different to us.

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Did you know a gorilla's DNA is 97% identical to that of a human?

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Ah, Lenny's is only 62% identical to humans.

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Ah, thanks, Sally.

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MOBILE PHONE RINGS

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-Oh, something's come up.

-Oh, is it the lift?

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I'm afraid I'm gonna have to leave

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to go and see another client about a matter.

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-Is it a celebrity client?

-Yeah.

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Oh, maybe it's JK Rooney?

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My client Gordon, the celebrity chef is cooking his speciality dish,

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cod and haddock for the Royal Family.

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Mmm, he's caused a bit of an uproar,

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he's insisting that he will not cook fish fingers for Prince Charles.

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Gordon Bennett.

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No, Prince Charles.

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Why won't he cook fish fingers?

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Yeah, he says he has bigger fish to fry.

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Now, I must go sort it out.

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But what about Lionel?

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Mmm, I guess I'll need to leave him in your

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-capable hands.

-Yes!

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I'll be back in time for the autograph session.

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Will you be able to keep him out of harm's way until then?

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Of course, we'll keep him under lock and key.

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Oh, lock and mon-key! High five.

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Between ten and 11, he likes to go for his morning constitutional.

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Now, need I remind you,

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if Lionel enjoys his stay here,

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I'll be bringing all of my celebrity clients here.

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His wish is our command.

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Splendid. Now, before I go, I need to get

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you to sign this contract accepting responsibility

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should anything happen or if Lionel goes missing.

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Can I take a look at that?

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PHONE RINGS

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That's Mr Trubble, I must take this.

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Lenny, you're in charge,

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have a look at the contract but whatever happens do not sign it, OK?

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Right you are, boss.

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-I just need you to sign your name.

-Oh, this is like being famous!

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No-one's ever asked for my autograph.

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Do you want a little message too?

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-No, just sign your name.

-OK.

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What's all this small print?

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I need you to sign the contract and I'll tell you. Trust me.

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There you go.

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Excellent! Excellent!

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-Anyway, this copy's for you and this copy's mine.

-Brilliant.

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So what did all the small print say?

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It says that should anything happen or if Lionel goes missing,

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-you're going to pay me 32 million pounds...and 25 pence.

-What?

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The heat is affecting my ears, I thought you said 32 million pounds.

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Yes, and 25 pence.

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PARP!

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Right, I should really get going now.

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Can you call me a taxi?

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You're a taxi!

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I'll catch the bus.

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Yeah, no problem, sir, OK, goodbye.

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Ah, what did Mr Sslyth's contract say?

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He, he changed his mind and said we didn't have to sign it, so I,

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I definitely did not sign it, no, sir-ee.

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-Good.

-Lenny, you were told to clean that up.

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-It's on my To Do list.

-And where's your To Do list?

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I haven't written it yet, but writing my To Do list

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will be the first item on my To Do list when I write my To Do list.

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Guys, it's ten o'clock, time for Lionel's morning constitutional.

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So let's organise a tour of the city for him.

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Great, oh, it will be so good to get some fresh air.

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With Lenny with us the chances the air will be fresh are slim to zero.

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PARP!

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Right, guys, let's get on our phones and organise the best day out ever.

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-Hello...

-Hi...

-Hello.

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Hi, yeah, is that the Queen?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Jamie from Hotel Trubble.

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Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, absolutely I've got ya.

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Yeah, no, he'll see you there at three. For tea, yeah?

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Hi, yeah,

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I'd like to book an appointment, please.

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For Lionel the Celebrity gorilla, yeah.

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My friend Lenny would like a massage as...

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Yeah, he's got his own bikini,

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it's his own bikini, he doesn't need to...doesn't need to get one.

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Yeah, and he's a celebrity so I expect high maximum security.

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Oh, oh, I hear you have really good ballroom classes.

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Can I book him in for one of the classes and he's a gorilla,

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so...the partner will have to be quite big and quite strong.

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Yeah, yeah, I'll be there at two.

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Yeah. Yeah at the zoo, at the zoo, yeah.

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Hi, can you hear me? Is there a Spa?

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I've got Lionel the Celebrity gorilla coming to stay

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and I was just wondering if I could book him in for a massage?

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Yes, please. Oh, and he likes to go swimming, is that OK?

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Do you let gorillas swim in your pool?

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But all I want to know is, can the gorilla use the swimming pool?

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Yeah, no, that's fine, that's fine.

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Does my bum look big in this photo?

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Ah, this one really brings out your eyes, Lionel.

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-Where's Lionel?

-Well, he was here just now, wasn't he?

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Yeah, of course he was...I think.

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Well, do you remember seeing him since we got back to the hotel?

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-No!

-Oh, my God, he's gone, he's gone! Lionel's gone!

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OK, he must be here somewhere,

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so before we start panicking... let's search the hotel top to bottom.

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Oh, can we please stop talking about bottoms?

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THEY CALL FOR LIONEL

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That's it, he's definitely gone.

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-But where?

-Maybe he melted?

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-He's a gorilla, not an ice cream.

-Oh, yeah.

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We interrupt what you've just been talking about

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to bring you this urgent news flash.

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A large wild animal, I repeat a large wild animal,

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has been seen rampaging through town.

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An eye witness said a large wild animal

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is rampaging through town.

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It is not yet known who this animal is or who owns it,

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but I'd hate to be the one in charge of it.

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Oh, no, it's Lionel!

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We have to find him before Mr Sslyth realises he's gone missing.

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I mean, he can't have gone far,

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he hasn't been missing long,

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we have to find him and bring him back safely.

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Together, we can do this.

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Together, we can find Lionel the Celebrity gorilla. Are you with me?

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Yes!

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What about you, Lenny, are you with me?

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HE SNORES

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OK, guys, we need to find Lionel so let's split up.

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Sally, you go that way, Lenny, you go that way,

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and I'll go this way.

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Lionel!

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-Lionel!

-Lionel!

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-Is that him? Lionel!

-Lionel!

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Lionel!

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This is a disaster! There's still no sign of Lionel anywhere.

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We're doomed.

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We bring you an update

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on the newsflash we brought you earlier

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about the large wild animal rampaging through town.

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We now know that it is...

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Lionel?

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It turns out the animal is in fact L...

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Excuse me, it turns out the animal is in fact L...

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HE COUGHS

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HE SLURPS

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-HE BURPS

-That's better.

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Yes?

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Now, where was I?

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It turns out the gorilla was in fact L... L... L...

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Did I say gorilla? No, no, no, no.

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That can't be right. Er, no. Thought not.

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Turns out the wild animal was in fact Larry the Bad Baboon...

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ALL: What?!

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Accompanied by his friend and known troublemaker, Knuckleface the Bear.

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-ALL: What?!

-Don't interrupt.

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They've been apprehended and their mums have had words with them.

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Now you can talk.

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Thanks.

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That wasn't Lionel after all, and we've still no idea where he is.

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Ow! Oh...

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WIND HOWLS

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Can I borrow your fan, Lenny?

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WIND HOWLS

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Wait a minute. This is Mr Sslyth's contract.

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Is it? How did that get there?

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It says here if we lose Lionel we have to pay Mr Sslyth £32 million?!

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And, er, 25 pence.

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Oh, good job we didn't sign it.

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B-But... Wha...?

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Oh no! He DID sign it!

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-He didn't?

-He did! Lenny, why?!

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I panicked, Jamie.

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Oh, situation just got a whole lot worse!

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-32 million times worse!

-And 25 pence.

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Maybe Mr Sslyth will take chocolate money.

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We're doomed! Hotel Trubble is in big trouble!

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Oh!

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At last you've taken off that ridiculous bikini. It was ugly!

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I've got it, I've got it.

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OK, Lionel's due to meet his fans in just over two hours, right?

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Look, we've got no choice but to get somebody

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to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be Lionel.

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Er, who on earth do we know that would make a convincing gorilla?

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Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

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Yeah, Mrs Poshington!

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-No!

-Zack Efron?

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No! Him!

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Huh? PFFRRRT!

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Yeah, he is very good.

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You'll make a great gorilla, Lenny.

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What? Oh, no, I... I can't be a gorilla.

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I'm allergic to...er...

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I'm allergic to bananas.

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-You're eating one.

-Oh!

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Yeah, nice try, Lenny.

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-Or should I call you...Lionel?

-PFFRRRT!

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I'm not Lionel.

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How will I be able to speak to Mr Sslyth? I can't talk gorilla.

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We'll tell him Lionel lost his voice.

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I might have a better plan. I can speak gorilla, obviously.

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-Really?

-Yeah, we were taught it at school.

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You can pick French, German or Gorilla, and I picked Gorilla

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because I thought it would be the most useful.

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-Do you use it much?

-Well, only at school reunions,

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but if we get Lenny to pretend he's Lionel, I can provide the voice,

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and then we'll convince Mr Sslyth that Lenny's Lionel,

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and we won't owe him a penny.

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No. You know what? That's ludicrous.

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Crazy. Quite simply the maddest idea I've ever heard.

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And it might just work. Right, before Mr Sslyth gets back

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-you need to practise acting like Lionel.

-I'm not happy about this.

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-Then you shouldn't have signed the contract!

-Let's go.

-OK.

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REGGAE MUSIC PLAYS

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Thank you, boss!

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This is going to really please who I'm going to meet.

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OK. Do something... There we go...

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That's great, that's cracking. Can I get three bananas?

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Oh... Perfect. You're a very kind monkey.

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Oh, big hug!

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MONKEY GRUNTS Yeah.

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MUSIC: "Love Is In The Air" by John Paul Young

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# Love is in the air

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# Everywhere I look around... #

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You've got a nice six pack going there. Yeah.

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# Love is in the air

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# Every sight and every sound... #

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You could swing on the swings.

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Swing on the swings in the park. Gotta go round the monkey frame.

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MONKEY GRUNTS

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Go on the monkey bars, cos you ARE a monkey.

0:22:440:22:47

-MONKEY GRUNTS

-Yeah, I know.

0:22:470:22:50

HE WHISTLES

0:22:560:22:58

# Love is in the air...! #

0:23:010:23:02

Well, I must say, I can't quite put my finger on it

0:23:060:23:10

but Lionel looks...well, different.

0:23:100:23:15

That's because Sally gave him a short back and sides.

0:23:150:23:18

So although he may LOOK different,

0:23:180:23:20

that's definitely Lionel. Definitely.

0:23:200:23:22

Hmm. What's this? You've spelt your name wrong!

0:23:220:23:27

Huh?

0:23:270:23:29

Pardon?

0:23:290:23:30

SHE GRUNTS

0:23:300:23:33

Hmm...

0:23:360:23:37

What did she...? I mean, what did Lionel say?

0:23:370:23:39

He says he wants to start spelling it

0:23:390:23:41

just like the Ancient Greeks used to.

0:23:410:23:43

Oh, good thinking... I mean, good for him.

0:23:430:23:46

Hmm, well I can't quite tell what it is,

0:23:460:23:49

but something smells fishy.

0:23:490:23:52

-CHILDREN SCREAM Can I just...?

-I knew it!

0:23:520:23:54

I knew it!

0:23:540:23:56

Oh! Oh, no! Lionel was a man all along!

0:23:560:24:01

He tricked us! Oh, you big tricker!

0:24:010:24:04

Unless we bring out the real Lionel the Celebrity Gorilla

0:24:040:24:08

before I count to three, you owe me £32 million!

0:24:080:24:11

-And 25 pence.

-Indeed!

0:24:110:24:14

And I don't accept cheques.

0:24:140:24:15

-Do you accept chocolate money?

-One...!

0:24:150:24:18

We haven't got that kind of money.

0:24:180:24:20

Can we come to some sort of arrangement?

0:24:200:24:23

I could pay you in instalments, yeah?

0:24:230:24:25

How much?

0:24:250:24:26

50p. A year.

0:24:260:24:28

-Two!

-Oh, I know, take Lenny, he's very ape-like,

0:24:280:24:32

even when he's not in costume, so...

0:24:320:24:35

If you can't pay me, I'll have to keep Hotel Trubble for myself,

0:24:350:24:39

-and you'll all be working for me!

-You can't! You've no right.

0:24:390:24:42

Yes, I can, it's in the small print here.

0:24:420:24:45

So be it! Three! Hotel Trubble is mine!

0:24:450:24:48

DRAMATIC CHORD PLAYS

0:24:480:24:51

From this day forth it shall be known as Hotel Sslyth!

0:24:510:24:54

THUNDERCLAP

0:24:540:24:57

THEY CHATTER INDISTINCTLY

0:24:570:25:00

Lionel?! Lionel...!

0:25:000:25:02

Mrs Poshington! You found Lionel!

0:25:020:25:05

I haven't found him, he's been with me all afternoon in my room.

0:25:050:25:11

We've been drinking cups of tea, eating sherbet lemons

0:25:110:25:15

and talking of this and that.

0:25:150:25:18

It turns out that Lionel's mother Beatrice

0:25:180:25:22

was my next door neighbour for eight years when I lived in the Congo.

0:25:220:25:27

Small world, isn't it?

0:25:270:25:29

So you speak Gorilla?

0:25:290:25:31

Doesn't everybody?

0:25:310:25:32

THEY SPEAK "GORILLA"

0:25:320:25:36

Oh, boy!

0:25:360:25:38

Seeing as the real Lionel's back,

0:25:380:25:40

Hotel Trubble is saved!

0:25:400:25:42

THEY CHEER

0:25:420:25:45

-Mr Sslyth's a conman, a thief and a trickster.

-Lionel, we're leaving!

0:25:450:25:51

-HE GRUNTS

-I said, we're leaving!

0:25:510:25:56

HE GRUNTS, MRS POSHINGTON LAUGHS

0:25:560:25:59

-What did he say?

-BOTH: You're fired!

0:26:000:26:03

You haven't heard the last of Mr Sslyth!

0:26:030:26:07

ALL: Oooh!

0:26:070:26:11

Did you pick up that banana skin on reception?

0:26:110:26:13

Er... No.

0:26:130:26:14

-CRASH!

-Aaagh!

-Good!

0:26:140:26:17

We interrupt this programme...

0:26:280:26:29

Oh, not again!

0:26:290:26:32

Oi! Pipe down! Police have just announced they have caught

0:26:320:26:35

one of the most wanted men in the world.

0:26:350:26:37

This wanted man has conned many people with fake contracts,

0:26:370:26:41

claiming they owe him £32 million, and...

0:26:410:26:44

25 pence.

0:26:440:26:47

This sounds strangely familiar.

0:26:470:26:51

The crook, who goes by the name of Mr Sslyth...

0:26:510:26:53

-THEY GASP

-..was arrested in hospital

0:26:530:26:56

where he's being treated for banana skin-related injuries.

0:26:560:27:00

Well, it looks like we have seen the last of Mr Sslyth after all.

0:27:020:27:06

PHONE RINGS

0:27:060:27:09

SHE SPEAKS GORILLA

0:27:150:27:17

Oh, sorry, I mean, hello? Hotel Trubble?

0:27:170:27:20

# Hotel Trubble Forever

0:27:240:27:27

# It's the pits and we know We're stuck, but we love it

0:27:270:27:32

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:320:27:35

# We're a team staying calm on and on So the hotel survives

0:27:350:27:40

# Trubble trubble Keep the hotel alive! #

0:27:400:27:43

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