Fashion Phonies Hotel Trubble

Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

Meet Sally, our receptionist.

People...trying to have a conversation here!

And this is Lenny. He's a man of many talents.

This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's...fiancee.

This is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.

Which just leaves me, Jamie. I'm the bell boy.

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know

# We're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

# So the hotel survives

# Trubble, Trubble

-# Keep the hotel alive.

-#

"Sunny Guatemala -

"please help me."

It must be from Sally.

Ah, it says she's having a lovely time.

Yeah, but she's wrote don't trust the receptionist.

Yes, that's Guatemalan for ah, lovely time.

Daisy, do you want to borrow Sally's magazines?

They're cluttering up the TV room.

Lip Gloss, Lip Gloss, Chatter.

Yeah, I love fashion.

-I see she's still on the run.

-Who?

This runner.

And the Receptionist-kidnapping elephant thief. Look at that.

-SHE SNEEZES

-Sorry, got a cold.

Anyway, these fashion magazines are just what I need.

Apparently there's an annual inter-hotel best-dressed staff competition.

I'm trying to forget.

Top style judges Thingy and Sultana will be here any minute.

Those two a total geniuses.

-On fashion?

-No, on rudeness!

"Don't wear that, you look like a haddock.

"Is your face on backwards?"

I think they're brilliant.

You three, my office.

Aren't you forgetting the magic word?

Oh yeah, NOW!

I've just had Mr Trubble on the blower and he's sick to the back

teeth of losing the best-dressed staff competition every year.

Hotel Trubble has been voted the least stylish hotel

in Britain are 10 years running.

At least we won something.

So, Trubbly wants the uniform to be redesigned.

But I love this uniform. I'm never out of it.

We've noticed.

# Steptoe and Son theme

It's comfy.

I'm sure the new uniform will be just as comfy.

Who's going to design it?

Because I think there's only one person with the style,

fashion and skills to pull off a top like this.

That's right.

Me.

What? You? Fashion?

Yes.

What about it?

OK, look at you.

# That's why the lady is a tramp

# Why the lady

# That's why the lady

# Why the lady... #

There's no time to argue.

Hotel Trubble will be having a new uniform,

I'll be designing it and you'll be wearing it. Now, any questions?

Are those your real teeth?

What?

Nothing!

HORSE WHINNIES

It's not fair.

I should be designing the new uniform.

Thingy and Sultana would see what a fashion genius I am

and I'd be rich.

I could get out of this hotel and start a new life in the jungle.

Why do you want to go to the jungle?

No reason!

Good morning, darlings.

Thingy!

Look at you. Your shape is all wrong. You've a box-shaped body and a pear-shaped head.

You need to wear things that accentuate your ankles.

Right.

The boxing gloves make her arms look longer.

And the peaked cap draws attention away from her pointy nose.

I've no idea what you mean.

Well, of course not.

I wouldn't expect fashion sense from a man with a pancake face.

And sausage fingers.

Sausages? Where?

Now, settle down, riff-raff.

I'm here to judge the best-dressed staff competition.

You lot have no hope.

Someone get my bag!

Seconds out, round one!

So, will Sultana be joining you, Miss...

Thingy.

No, I'm going it alone.

I'm fed up being the Thingy to her Sultana.

Everyone knows her name but no one knows mine.

Thingy this and Thingy that.

-What's your real name, then?

-I can't remember.

I'll help you. I'm good with things like this. Is it...

Cordelia Thunderbucket.

No, No.

What about Henrietta Griddlestick.

Lenny!

Jemima Squidgywatt.

You look like a Squidgywatt to me.

Lenny!

Why don't you take the bags to the dining room

so she can set up for the competition.

Look at the unstylish way you're walking.

You've slanty legs and banana feet.

Head up, knees back and straighten those arms.

What a lovely lady(!)

I'll show her who has got no style. And Dolly, too.

I'm going to win that competition just you wait and see.

I don't think so, Daisy.

Especially as you're not even entering the competition.

Are Thingy and Sultana here yet?

Sultana isn't coming. But Thingy's in the dining room.

Fantastic, I can't wait to hear what she thinks of my style!

This I have to see.

This is amazing.

How did all of this come out of them?

It's a matter of style.

The vertical stripes make them look smaller than they really are.

This is such an honour.

I'm Dolly.

This evening you'll be picking my design to win the best-dressed staff competition.

-No, I won't.

-See?!

I only pick the two top designs then it's a public vote.

The audience decide which gets the trophy and £5,000.

Well, you're bound to pick mine in the top two. I'm so stylish.

You think you're a stylish? Wearing an outfit like that

with a body shaped like a grandfather clock, that's a no-no.

See, I told you it should be me designing the uniforms.

I'm the style icon around here.

Really? With those eyebrows?

Tell you what, I could do with a laugh, why did you both have a go?

And then we can see which is worst.

-You mean best?

-No.

I'll soon have this competition sewn up.

I'll cut you down to size.

I'll stitch you right up.

I've got the measure of you.

Ladies, save your cattiness for the catwalk.

And get out before you muddy my aura.

# Down on my knees

# You know I him down on my knees

# Yes, I'm bent down on my knees... #

I don't see the fuss with all this fashion stuff.

-I'm as fashionable as the next man...

-And here's the next man!

What was all that about? He's trampled right through reception!

-CRASH!

-Well...erm...

CRASH, COMMOTION

But they've gone out the back door...

Do you know something about this?

Would a flashback help?

HARP PLAYS

Wooo! Woo-hoo!

Whaaa....

Lenny...? Have you signed Chef's birthday card?

Er... No. I've been... been busy, Jamie.

Well, do it now.

It's on top of the papers we've been ignoring for seven months.

-The top one?

-Yeah.

"Binding letter of agreement - sign with caution"...?

I'd have gone with "Happy birthday, Chef".

So what DID you sign, Lenny?

-An agreement to re-establish an old footpath through the hotel?

-What?!

Well...I suppose we can deal with the odd rambler.

So long as Dolly doesn't find out.

-Oo-arr, oo-arr, morning...

-Aargh!

-Aargh! Sheep!

-Oo-arr, oo-arr - my Betsy.

-Aww... She's pooed.

-Poo!

Oo-arr, oo-arr - right old mess on your floor.

Mrs Poshington! Emergency clean-up!

You can't bring a sheep in here.

Oo-arr, oo-arr, public footpath!

You...!

-SHE GASPS

-You can't have a sheep in the hotel!

You'll make Dolly... baa-aa-arking mad. Ha-ha-ha!

FAKE LAUGHTER Yeah.

I know that, Mrs P. I've got no idea what he's doing here.

Oo-arr, oo-arr, oo-arr - shortcut to my grazing land!

FART!

We're going to be up to our ears in sheep... This is an emergency!

I know exactly what to do.

This is not the time for your emergency ice cream!

If Dolly finds out we've let a footpath go through the hotel,

she'll put our heads on spikes.

Oooh! Nasty.

We're supposed to be making this hotel more stylish.

Not filling it with sheep poo and bumpkins!

Oo-arr, oo-arr - charming.

I'm going to get on the phone to the council and get out of this mess.

My design's going to be hotter than a volcano vindaloo!

Yeah? Well, mine's going to be cooler than an Eskimo's fridge.

Yeah? Well, mine's going to be sharper

than a sword swallower in stilettos!

Yeah? Well, my design's going to be smoother

than a...than a...

a smoothie!

(Who is this?)

Oh erm...

he's a guest, yeah.

Just er...checking him in, now.

-What name was it again?

-Oo-arr.

-And er...how do you spell that?

-Oo... Arr.

BAAAA!

-What's that noise?

-Er...

It's just er... my new...novelty phone ringing.

Ha-ha! Hello...?

Yeah! Is it all right if you can call me back later?

Yeah, thanks.

BAAAA!

Bit later than that! Thanks...

Well - have a very pleasant stay.

This...is war!

My design skill, against yours. You take the TV room -

-I'll take the office. Then there's no peeking.

-Suits me!

Right...you can come out now. She's gone.

BAAAA!

No... No problem at all.

We've got a problem. The good news is we've got until the end of the day

to break the contract on the footpath.

The bad news - is it's going to cost us £5,000.

-Would you say this is a real emergency now, Jamie?

-Yes!

Goody...

Will you stop doing that?!

We need to find five grand by the end of the day,

and ice cream is not the answer!

Oo-arr, oo-arr, looks tasty!

Or maybe it is. KER-CHING!

-Oo-arr, oo-arr, lovely jubbly!

-Cash for cones it is!

-Lenny - get the ice cream maker from the kitchen.

-Eh?

Every public footpath needs an ice cream seller -

and that is going to be you.

Oo-arr, oo-arr, keep 'em comin'.

Ohhh!

This is terrible. I'm never going to win that prize money!

I'm going to be stuck here forever.

I need help.

-SWEETLY:

-Jamie...?

Jamie...?

JAMIE!

What is it, Daisy? I'm a little busy.

I'm not having any trouble or anything...

but if you designed a new hotel uniform, what would it look like?

Good question.

If I could pick anything at all, I think it would be er...

Ah! Yeah. Yeah.

A blue jacket...with gold buttons,

and a gold name badge.

You mean exactly like the one you've got on.

Wha...

HE CHUCKLES Oh, yeah!

Anyway, you're meant to be full of fashion ideas.

Yeah, well, maybe I exaggerated a little bit.

A lot.

Completely!

I can sometimes do things without thinking through the consequences.

TRUMPETING

Pardon you?!

Thanks. So...any ideas?

Give up?

Something less awful...?

Don't give up?

Look - I don't know, Daisy, it's only a stupid competition.

It's not like it's a convoluted sheep/ice cream/footpath crisis.

MOOING

Er, I've got to go. Sorry...

-BAAAA!

-Oh...

Oo-arr, oo-arr - more!

-How's it going?

-Great. I'm making a mint.

Mint choc chip, in fact.

Mmm! Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, toothpaste-y!

What other flavours you got, then?

Mushroom?

Oven chips?

Chopped liver?!

Lenny, we are supposed to be making ice cream.

Chef's in a really bad mood

with everyone trampling through his kitchen,

so I just grabbed what I could.

Yeah, but who's going to want gravy granules and king prawn ice cream?

Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, give it a whirl!

Really?

Well, what have I always told you?

If a sardine's more than four inches long, technically it's a pilchard?

Right, then.

Which one of you 'orrible lot's a pilchard?

Why, I ought to get the one who put the finger on me!

Oh, no, look out, it's the finger!

No, no.

-The customer is always right, if a little bonkers.

-Choc chip!

Right, time for a cappuccino break.

Ah, I'll just get you one from the kitchen.

SHOUTING AND CRASHING

From the TV room.

Follow me.

This way.

And...there we go, down the hatch.

Ooh-arr!

Ooh-arr, tasty fishy!

Ooh!

This way.

TV room.

Ooh, how's the grand design coming along?

It's top secret.

It's in invisible ink.

Oh, really?

You haven't a hope of winning the £5,000 prize.

KLAXON GOES OFF IN HIS HEAD

£5,000!

There's £5,000 up for grabs?

Oh, suddenly you're not too busy to help me?

There's something you need to know.

Here we go, Mr Ooh-arr.

Mushroom and custard flavour.

Ooh-arr!

You're the best only customer I could wish for.

So there's a footpath through the hotel,

and this is your genius plan

to raise five grand by the end of today?

Yep. How are we doing, Lenny?

Let's just check.

Er...£4,981.

Blimey! We're nearly there!

Eh? No, no, that's how much we've got left to go, we've made £19.

Hard going with only one single customer.

Two customers! Brilliant!

Where did he come from?

Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, spreading the word!

Ah! The more the merrier!

Right, let's see what we can rustle up.

-Toilet paper and candlesticks?

-Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, give it a whirl!

We'll never make enough in one day. We're going to need your winnings.

What winnings? I haven't got any ideas.

Unless, of course, someone had a clever plan

-to make sure you did win.

-You've got a plan?!

But only if I get the prize money to sort out the footpath.

But I need that money to move to the jungle.

Look, Daisy, without my plan, you won't win anyway.

And unless you fancy working in the coldest,

muddiest reception in the country...

All right, all right, it's a deal.

Yes!

Now, you told me you need Thingy to pick you in the top two,

-and then win the audience vote, yeah?

-Yeah.

Right. Meet me in the TV room in five minutes,

and we're going to sort this out Jamie-style.

'Jamie-style, the new fragrance for bellboys.

'Ding-ding!'

I'm not happy.

I'm the only Jamie that should be releasing me own fragrance.

HE BREAKS WIND

That stuff's only good for chips!

Hello.

Do you mind? I'm trying to make a catwalk.

If you're talking about General Poshington,

I'm afraid he'll never walk again.

CAT MIAOWS

It's very sad.

No, for the fashion show.

Oh, yes, sorry, the fashion show.

Look, I just wanted to check, the public vote,

that's members of the audience, right?

Everyone in the audience who's not a hotel employee.

We don't want anyone nobbling the vote, do we?

Perish the thought. So, as long as they're not employees,

it doesn't matter who they are?

I mean, they don't need any fashion experience.

No. I will have done the hard part by choosing the top two designs,

they just pick their favourite. As long as they're people with style.

Like me.

No, people with style.

Brilliant.

OK, we've got denim and sushi, there you go, you can have that one.

This one, look at this, pepper plaster on parsnip.

Aye!

Er, carrot and hand cream.

Look at that one!

And, ooh, just vanilla left.

Oh, no...

Er, vanilla and pencil shavings!

Ooh-arr, now you're talking!

'Why not enjoy all of nature's goodness with Lenny Lemon's

'farmers' favourite ice cream?

'All our flavours are straight from the countryside,

'manufactured using only the best ingredients.

'A good source of iron,

'rubber, plastic and hay.

'Lenny Lemon ice creams.

'More flavours than you can imagine...or would like.'

Er, excuse me, all of you, all of you.

Yes, you, too.

SHEEP BAAS

Thank you for all your custom today, you've been great.

-And as a special treat, we'd like to offer you a present.

-Ooh!

Free entry to a fashion show. What do you say?

Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, it's not my cup of tea.

Er, how do I put this?

Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, ooh-arr, free ice cream.

Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, ooh-arr, love a bit of fashion!

The only question is, have you got style?

-Ooh-arr, ooh-arr, we've got a

-stile.

Close enough.

I just have one small favour to ask.

Can I borrow your sheep?

Right! I've got a plan to make sure you're in the top two designs,

and I've loaded the audience with farmers.

So all you have to do

is come with a design that farmers are going to vote for.

Now, we know they like ice cream... and sheep.

Some really cool knitwear, then! We need wool.

Coming right up.

Mrs Poshington!

We need your wool.

Oh, are you going to do a spot of knitting?

I used to be a real demon on the knitting needles.

Let's just see if the old skills are still there.

DRUM ROLL

Taa-ra!

Whoa!

-Look at this!

-Huh!

Wow!

Way to go Mrs P!

Any chance you could help me make a new uniform?

I don't see why not.

Brilliant!

Let's get knitted.

Free ice creams!

Get your free ice creams!

There you go - onions and chips.

There's one - carrot and mushrooms. Ha-ha-hey.

What is going on? Who are these...people?!

It's all right, Dolly, this is the audience for the fashion show.

They're going to make a mess of my nice hotel!

-At least we got rid of all the sheep.

-Sheep?

-What sheep?

-These sheep.

BAA-ING DROWNS OUT HIS SPEECH

What did you say?

I said...

BAA-ING DROWNS OUT HIS SPEECH

And that's why it's better to keep them outside.

There are hundreds of sheep out there!

They're completely blocking the driveway.

How do you expect the contestants from the other hotels to fight their way through it?!

I don't. If no-one else can make it

you and Daisy will automatically be the top two entries

and Hotel Trubble is guaranteed to win

best-dressed staff one way or another.

Jamie, that is despicable,

underhanded

and totally brilliant!

You...are going down.

FUNK MUSIC PLAYS

Hello, everyone and welcome to this year's

best-dressed staff competition.

Let's kick things right off

with an entry from right here in Hotel Trubble.

Please welcome, Dolly!

Service, please!

Thank you, Dolly.

Showing us you're never too old to go on the catwalk.

Coming up, our second contestant is also from Hotel Trubble,

please welcome, Daisy!

# Oo-ar, oo-ar

# Come on now darling

# You got something I need

# Cos I got a brand new combine harvester

# And I'll give you the key

# Come on now and stick together In perfect harmony

# I got 20 acres and you got 43... #

Hello, Hotel Trubble!

CHEERING

Ah-har!

Baa-aa.

The least said about that...

the better.

Let's move on quickly, shall we?

Who's next?

No-one. That's your lot.

What?

There are only two entries?

-Afraid so. So if you could just pick the top two...

-Pick the top two?

-From your two unsightly efforts?

-Yeah.

Right!

Fine.

Let's get this over with.

You're both through to the public vote.

-Oh!

-Well done.

Everyone who thinks Dolly's foil-shaped folly

should be the winner, clap now.

Shut up!

All right.

And if you Daisy's knitted nonsense should win, clap now.

That's settled -

Daisy's the winner!

Here's your trophy.

Here's your £5,000.

Well done.

Now, I'm getting out of here.

This whole event has been a complete waste of my time

You're all a bunch of fashion rejects.

Oh, and I am never setting foot in this style-free hotel again!

That's the last we'll see of her.

Oo-ar, oo-ar, want to bet?

Erm, could someone move these sheep so I can get out, please?

Well, what a day that was, eh?

On the plus-side, we did finally win the best-dressed staff trophy!

On the minus-side, because we were the only two entries

we did come last, as well.

But to show you that there are no hard feelings, I hope you all

enjoy wearing your award-winningly fashionable new uniforms!

What do you say?

You're welcome.

I can't believe we've got to wear these horrible things.

You should be proud of yourself.

You showed Dolly, won the competition and thanks to you,

we were able to close down the footpath.

Yeah, I'm a real fashion icone...

-HE LAUGHS

-That was a good one.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know

# We're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

# So the hotel survives

# Trubble, Trubble... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd