American President Hotel Trubble


American President

Children's sitcom. The American president checks in and gets locked in the toilet, leaving Lenny looking after a laptop that will enact any law he chooses.


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Transcript


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble. Meet Sally, our receptionist.

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People, trying to have a conversation here!

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And this is Lenny. He's a man of many talents.

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This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's, erm, fiancee.

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And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.

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Which just leaves me, Jamie. I'm the bellboy.

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know we're stuck

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# But we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

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# So the hotel survives

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# Trubble, Trubble

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# Keep the hotel alive. #

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'Our top story: An elephant has disappeared from London Zoo.

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'It's believed the thief is a young woman, Daisy Burchill.

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'All have been advised to remain on their guard.'

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Hey, I was watching that film!

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What film?

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You know, the one about the man who sits behind the desk

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and chats away for a bit

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and then at the end, he meets a lovely weather girl.

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You do understand the difference

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-between the news and a film, don't you?

-No.

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MUFFLED VOICE

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Sh! If you keep quiet,

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I promise I'll send you all the new issues of Gossip magazine.

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Sally, do you know where...

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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Sorry, that's my new ring tone.

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Who are you? Where's Sally?

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She's gone away. A long way away.

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I'm the new receptionist. I'm filling in until she gets back.

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I don't know anything about this. Who hired you?

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Oh, it was, erm... Miss...

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-Miss?

-Mrs...

-Mrs?

-Mr...

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-Oh, Mr.

-Mr, erm... Ru...

-Ru...

-Veth...

-Veth...

-Se...

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-Se...

-Set... Te...

-Trubble?

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-Yes! Mr Trubble. He gave me the job.

-Well, he is the boss.

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Jamie, Lenny, have you met our...

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Sorry. What was your name, sweetheart?

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-Daisy.

-Daisy.

-Hi, Daisy.

-Daisy?

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-Don't I know you from somewhere?

-No.

-Oh, right then.

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-Would you like a hand with your package?

-Don't touch it!

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I mean, yes, please. Just put it outside.

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Lovely. Where are you posting this to?

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-Guatemala.

-So where's Sally?

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She's on her way to Guatemala.

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What? She never said goodbye.

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Lenny, did Sally say goodbye to you?

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Right, while I've got you all here, the bookings are down.

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If we don't get a high-profile guest to stay here soon,

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we might have to close the hotel.

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Nobody move!

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The President of the US of A needs somewhere to hide

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and Hotel Trubble is the quietest, least important hotel

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that no-one has ever heard of or even cares about.

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You can relax now.

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The President, here at Hotel Trubble!

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Oh, I'm so excited to tell everyone!

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Mum, the President's coming here...

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This is top secret. No phone calls, no cameras.

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Or this hotel will cease to exist. We can do that, you know.

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We did it to Hotel Muddle.

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-Hotel Muddle? Never heard of it.

-Precisely.

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Mission Hotel is go. Let's get that helicopter grounded, people.

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The least important hotel in town?

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Huh! Well, if the world knew the President was staying here,

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that would soon change.

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I must just go and finish knitting...

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..Mr Trubble's pants.

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We really don't want Hotel Trubble to be erased so if anyone asks,

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the President is definitely not here. Got it?

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-But the President isn't here.

-Not yet.

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But when he is here, the President is definitely not here, OK?

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The President is here!

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Hi there. Very good to meet you all.

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Mr President, we promise to do our best to give you the respect

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an important and dignified person like yourself deserves.

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Much appreciated,

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but if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play hopscotch now.

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He likes to unwind when he's off duty.

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The President would also like a hot dog with ketchup

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and a super-size cola.

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Can I have a stars and stripes party trumpet

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that unwinds when you blow it, so I can go brrrrrrrr?

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-TO TUNE OF STAR-SPANGLED BANNER:

-# Oh say can you see

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# That Lenny's not right

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# And Sally's a flirt

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# And Jamie's not a good bellboy. #

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Hello, News of the Globe?

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Have I got a story for you!

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Have I? Yes, I have.

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The President...

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No. THE American President is staying here at Hotel Trubble.

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Hotel Trubble.

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T-R-U-B...

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Look, never mind. Just send down your finest paparazzi.

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Hi, Dolly.

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P-p-p-p-p-papara-paparoni.

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Yes, one pepperoni. Hold the anchovies.

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-I'm ordering pizza.

-I'm sure you just said paparazzi.

-Hang on.

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No, I mean yes, no, I mean Jamie, look,

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someone's spotted paparazzi out in the garden.

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Go and check because we don't want paps taking snaps of the President.

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No, we don't. Otherwise it'll be over for Hotel Trubble.

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Nice glasses and ear thingy by the way.

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Oh, this. It's nothing.

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'So you want to be a spy.

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'Well, get your cheap plastic tat from cheapplastictat.com.

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'We've got spy glasses and totally safe earpieces.

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'And our prices can't be broken. Unlike our tat.

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'All tat made from recycled toilet seats.

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'Optional silly tie a must.'

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Right, where were we?

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What do you mean,

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you don't send paps down to a hotel you've never heard of?

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Everyone's heard of Hotel Trubble. Well, at least...

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Around seven people.

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I'm going to have to take a photograph and send it myself then.

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It's just as well I've got this new camera.

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Which button actually makes it...

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Oh, can't see. Can't see.

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-What's in the box, ma'am?

-Nothing. Just currant buns.

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-Buns, huh?

-They're for a guest in room 360.

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That's a lot of buns for one guest.

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He's a big guest.

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ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

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-Why are you hiding your face?

-I'm shy.

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# Well she's so fine, fine, fine

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# She's so fine. #

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Hi Daisy. Do you like my costume? It's American style.

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-You know, to make the American President feel at home.

-It's great.

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-Can I have a bun?

-No. Put it back.

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They're for a guest.

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Oh, room service. Bouncing makes you real thirsty.

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LONG BURP

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I think I should let you know, I broke the toilet.

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I thought it was a good idea

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to throw shampoo down there to make bubbles.

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-It wasn't.

-It must be amazing being president.

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If you have a cool idea, you can just do it

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and no-one tells you it's stupid.

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It's not easy running the most powerful country in the world.

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-Wanna try some bouncing?

-Yeah!

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Whoo!

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Bounce and tuck. Bounce and tuck.

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-Wehey!

-That was a good one!

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Whoa!

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Help! Help!

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Somebody help!

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-What's happened?

-He's banged his head on the door.

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One minute.

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We should get him to hospital.

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Please don't tell the other secret agents. They'll laugh at me.

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Just give me a minute. I'll be fine.

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-# Gonna fix you good

-Gonna fix you good

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-# Every time you're bad

-Every time you're bad... #

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I'll get him into bed to recover. You keep guard.

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And remember, the President is not here.

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This snap of the President is going to put Hotel Trubble on the map.

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-What's that behind your back?

-What?

-Dolly, you're hiding something.

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-No, I'm not.

-Show me your hand. Show me your other hand.

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Show me both hands.

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Ah! See, I knew you were hiding something.

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-That? No, it's a hat.

-That's not a hat. It's a camera.

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Is it?

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So it is. That's brilliant!

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Teddy.

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# Baby let me be

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# Your lovin' teddy bear

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# Put a chain around my neck. #

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Gosh! Darn it! All that cola.

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Now I'm gonna have to find another bathroom.

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So the President is here but really he isn't here.

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-No, no.

-I need to use the little President's room.

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Yeah, right, OK.

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Oooh!

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Ah!

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I think I've got it. The President is not here.

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Oh, hi, Daisy. Wait! I know where I've seen you before.

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You were in that brilliant film on the telly.

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The one about the horrible elephant thief.

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No, I wasn't. And I'm not horrible.

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She... She's not horrible. Maybe she had a good reason.

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Maybe the elephant was imprisoned in a lab and she rescued it

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and tried to hide it in a hotel.

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But the receptionist caught her so she had to put her in a box

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and post her to Guatemala. Did you think of that?

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No. I wonder how you'd hide an elephant in a hotel anyway.

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You'd need a massive room. Like the one we've got on the third floor.

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Don't think about it. Just forget everything about elephants.

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Right.

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What are elephants?

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ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

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No secret agent?

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No. He had a bit of an accident.

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Oh, good. I mean, oh, goodness gracious me.

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Yep. I'm guarding the President now.

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And don't you look the part. Very guard-like.

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Actually, can I get a picture?

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-Yes.

-Could you just stand there?

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Yeah, there. A little bit further back.

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A bit more. Keep going.

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Keep going. A bit more.

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To the left. To the left. A bit more to the left.

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A bit more to the left. To the left.

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OK Mr President, say cheesy peas.

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Mr President?

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Hey! You didn't want a picture of me. You wanted one of the President.

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-That's naughty, Dolly.

-The President is not here.

-That's right.

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The President is not here.

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No, Lenny, the President is not here.

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Brrrr!

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How am I meant to get out of here?

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Just...

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Oh! Ah!

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Dolly, you were trying to get a photo of the President.

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-You could get the hotel erased forever.

-That's not important now.

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-I need to tell you...

-Not important!

-Jamie, the President is not here.

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Well done for remembering, but now is not...

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-No, the President is not here.

-Yes, all right.

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People. I can't find the President's room. I was hijacked.

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They tied me up and they put me in another room and when I came to,

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I looked around the room...

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Don't worry. The President is safe.

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I personally saw to it.

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While he was busy, lazing round in bed.

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Definitely not cuddling me. You weren't cuddling me.

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He better be safe or it's curtains for this hotel.

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Can it be those ones that open automatically? They're well cool.

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-I prefer blinds...

-French blinds.

-Ones where you clap and they open.

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No, no. When I say curtains, I mean...

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You know, like...curtains.

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Never mind. Which way?

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It's room 10.

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Hang on. If you're both here, who's guarding the President?

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Jamie, the President is not here.

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Yes, good. The President is not here.

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You told us to say the President was not here even though he was here,

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and now he really isn't here, we're not just saying he isn't here.

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What? We've got to stop the secret agent.

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The President...

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..is probably having a nice time in his room.

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Look over there! Is that Paris Hilton?

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-Let me in.

-Wait. The handle's a bit stiff. There's a knack to it.

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You need to give it a jiggle and then a quick turn.

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Lenny, give me a hand.

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There's something on your glasses. Let me get it off for you. Hang on.

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-Pretend to be the President.

-I can't!

-Yes, you can. You have to.

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There we go.

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Get on the bed and cover yourself.

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Look, see, here's the President.

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Are you OK Mr President?

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-I sure am fine.

-Have you got a sore throat Mr President?

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Your voice sounds higher than normal.

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DEEP VOICE: I sure am fine.

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Great, brilliant.

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Well, you probably need to get on with your presidenting, so bye-bye.

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Great.

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Dolly, we need to find the President quickly.

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OK, General, time to do your business.

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Hey there, have you come to rescue me?

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Mr President? Sir?

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I was meant to fix this door,

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but I got distracted by a spaceship.

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I looked up in the sky and there it was.

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Oh, hello, it's still up there.

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Oh! Silly me! It's a spec on my glasses!

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-Now, are you OK?

-I'm A-OK.

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I'll leave the General here with you to look after you

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while I go and get a tool kit.

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Come on, General, up and over.

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Hello, puss.

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Fancy a staring competition?

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Oh, you're good.

0:17:440:17:47

Mr President?

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# One way or another I'm gonna find ya

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# I'm gonna getcha Getcha, getcha... #

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Maybe we should look in another room.

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Mr President?

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# I'm gonna, getcha, getcha One way or another... #

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-Oh, hi. I'm looking for the President.

-He's not here.

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ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

0:18:050:18:07

Pardon me.

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# One way or another I'm gonna find ya

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# I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha

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# One way or another I'm gonna win ya

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# I'll getcha, I'll getcha One way or another

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# I'm gonna see ya

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# I'm gonna meetcha, meetcha Meetcha, meetcha... #

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Ah, Mrs Poshington. This door is stuck.

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Fix it and then help us find the President.

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-But Jamie, Mr President...

-Is not going to find himself.

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Yes, but you see, he's...

0:18:370:18:39

# Can't take my eyes off you. #

0:18:400:18:44

Hello. Hello.

0:18:530:18:55

'Type in the law you wish to be passed and press return.'

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Everyone in the world

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must wear clown noses and wigs.

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-'Law passed.'

-Awesome!

0:19:130:19:16

'We're getting reports that the American President

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'has made some unfathomably nonsensically laws.

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'People everywhere are expected to wear clown noses and wigs,

0:19:240:19:27

'walk like chickens and do the hokey cokey after every sentence.'

0:19:270:19:31

It must be Lenny making all these silly laws.

0:19:310:19:34

-We have to stop him.

-How are we going to get past the guard?

0:19:340:19:38

Follow me.

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BOTH: Knees bent, arms stretched, raa, raa, raa.

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CHICKEN NOISES

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# Whoa, hokey-cokey-cokey

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# Whoa, hokey-cokey-cokey Whoa, hokey-cokey-cokey

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# Knees bent, arms stretched Raa, raa, raa. #

0:19:560:19:59

-Still here?

-Yes.

-Guarding the President.

-Yes.

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-Are you sure you've got the right room?

-Yes.

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It's the one with the American flags outside.

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Oh, I think I've got something in my eye.

0:20:100:20:13

Can you just have a look for me?

0:20:130:20:15

I think there's something in there like a big piece of grit.

0:20:150:20:18

-No, there's nothing there.

-Under the eyelid.

-Sh!

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-I reckon it is in there.

-No.

-It's a big one.

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What about my teeth? I think there's something in my teeth.

0:20:250:20:28

-Can't see anything.

-Look closer.

-No. There's nothing there.

0:20:280:20:33

Thanks for looking anyway. It was really painful.

0:20:330:20:36

-You all right?

-Yes. Great.

0:20:360:20:39

Lenny, what have you done? The world is going crazy.

0:20:480:20:51

-I didn't do anything.

-'Law passed.'

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Apart from making really stupid laws.

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My laws aren't stupid.

0:20:570:20:59

I just made one saying that all cars must now run on chutney.

0:20:590:21:03

-It's environmental.

-We need to find the President and cancel your laws.

0:21:030:21:07

Mr President?

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What the...?!

0:21:120:21:14

The game is up.

0:21:170:21:19

Howdy. Would you like to come and bounce?

0:21:190:21:22

-You're not the President.

-Oh, the President!

0:21:220:21:26

We thought you meant Mr P. Resident.

0:21:260:21:29

Mr Peter Resident. Not the President.

0:21:290:21:33

-We lost the President.

-Dolly!

0:21:330:21:35

Jamie, you're forgetting that this man is an experienced professional.

0:21:350:21:39

-There's no need to panic.

-You've lost the president?!

0:21:390:21:43

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! I'm going to lose my job!

0:21:430:21:48

My Mom'll be really mad.

0:21:480:21:51

I won't have money to buy any comics. This is so not fair!

0:21:510:21:55

You were saying?

0:21:580:22:00

Anyway, don't worry. I think I've got an idea. Follow me.

0:22:000:22:04

When a politician does something stupid, they go on TV and apologise.

0:22:060:22:11

Yes.

0:22:110:22:13

So we need you to go on TV as the President and apologise.

0:22:130:22:18

Yeah. No!

0:22:180:22:19

Are you sure this will work? He doesn't even look like the President.

0:22:190:22:24

No. But he will.

0:22:240:22:27

He doesn't sound like the President.

0:22:280:22:30

I've been practising. Have I got time for a doughnut?

0:22:300:22:34

No doughnuts. We're about to go live.

0:22:340:22:37

Here, take this.

0:22:370:22:40

I'll tell you what to say through this walkie-talkie, OK?

0:22:400:22:45

Yes.

0:22:450:22:46

And we're going live in three, two...

0:22:490:22:53

Quick! What about the President's suit?

0:22:530:22:57

And one.

0:22:580:23:00

-I'm, erm...

-You are the President of America.

0:23:040:23:08

You are the President of America.

0:23:080:23:10

I'm here today to...

0:23:120:23:15

Prove I had perfectly good reasons for making those bonkers laws.

0:23:150:23:19

To prove I had perfectly good reasons

0:23:190:23:22

for making those bonkers laws.

0:23:220:23:25

Hey, some of those laws were brilliant!

0:23:250:23:27

TELEPHONE RINGS

0:23:270:23:29

Hawaii would like to know if the President is fit for duty.

0:23:300:23:33

-Let me do it this time.

-No, I've got it.

0:23:340:23:37

FEEDBACK

0:23:370:23:40

Hello?

0:23:400:23:42

(I'm sorry!)

0:23:420:23:45

Well, OK. Yes, I am.

0:23:450:23:50

And not only that, but you see, because...

0:23:500:23:54

Anything that's worth having is sure enough worth fighting for.

0:23:550:23:59

Quitting's out of the question.

0:23:590:24:02

When it gets tough, gotta fight some more.

0:24:020:24:05

We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, for this love.

0:24:050:24:11

We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love.

0:24:110:24:16

We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love.

0:24:160:24:20

Oh, the cheek! That President's nicked my song.

0:24:200:24:23

Still, he's got a better voice than I have.

0:24:230:24:25

He's through to the next round.

0:24:250:24:27

If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for. Thank you.

0:24:270:24:32

And we're off air.

0:24:350:24:36

Lenny, you did it! I don't know how, but you did it! Everyone's happy.

0:24:360:24:42

-HELICOPTER WHIRS

-For now.

0:24:420:24:44

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! oh, no! The President is still missing.

0:24:440:24:50

I'm so going to lose my job.

0:24:500:24:53

And Hotel Trubble is finished. Finished, I tell ya!

0:24:530:24:56

Hello everyone. Have you met the President?

0:24:560:24:59

There, there. Pressie's here.

0:25:010:25:04

Hey, you guys, I really love your hotel.

0:25:040:25:07

Me and Mrs Posh have been having a whole lot of fun.

0:25:070:25:10

Yes. He got locked in the toilet but I got him out.

0:25:100:25:14

Did we miss anything?

0:25:140:25:17

Mr President, sir, I think that somehow we - well, Lenny -

0:25:170:25:22

managed to make a few little tiny laws by mistake

0:25:220:25:25

and now people are walking like chickens and wearing clown wigs.

0:25:250:25:30

They were happy because they liked the speech,

0:25:300:25:32

but in a minute they'll realise they also have to walk like chickens

0:25:320:25:36

-and it'll be a disaster again.

-Don't worry. I do that all the time.

0:25:360:25:40

Which is why my scientists have invented this special rewind button.

0:25:400:25:45

# When you can't find the music To get down and boogie

0:25:500:25:54

# All you can do is step back in time

0:25:540:25:57

# Ball of confusion When nothing is new

0:25:570:26:01

# And there's nothing doin' Step back in time. #

0:26:010:26:05

OK. That's that. All wiped out.

0:26:050:26:08

Hey, Lenny, some of those laws looked real cool.

0:26:080:26:11

I'll have a think about keeping some of them.

0:26:110:26:14

Your helicopter is waiting, sir.

0:26:140:26:17

Bye.

0:26:180:26:19

ALL: BYE.

0:26:190:26:21

Well, after all that, we didn't get erased

0:26:230:26:26

and everything is back to normal.

0:26:260:26:29

Have they gone? Yes! I'm safe!

0:26:290:26:32

To work in reception until Sally gets back.

0:26:330:26:37

How long is she away for?

0:26:370:26:39

Not long. I'm sure she'll be back very soon.

0:26:390:26:42

Good.

0:26:420:26:43

Because Lenny misses her. Don't you, Lenny?

0:26:440:26:47

-Do I?

-Very much.

0:26:470:26:50

So are you all clear on your duties?

0:26:500:26:53

-What are my duties again?

-Can you file your nails and ignore people?

0:26:530:26:57

-And you have to be rude.

-Shut up! I'm doin' my nails.

0:26:580:27:01

That all seems to be in order. It's like Sally's still here!

0:27:010:27:06

One more thing. Usually at this point in the episode,

0:27:060:27:09

the phone rings and we need you to answer with, "Hello, Hotel Trubble."

0:27:090:27:13

-Got ya.

-But before that, why is there an elephant in room 360?

0:27:130:27:19

-You get used to her.

-That's just Mrs P.

0:27:210:27:24

I heard it this morning. I was outside dusting.

0:27:240:27:28

Oh, yes. Are you a bit overtired, Mrs P?

0:27:280:27:32

TELEPHONE RINGS

0:27:330:27:35

Hello? Hello? Hello?

0:27:380:27:41

Hello?

0:27:430:27:44

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

0:27:460:27:49

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:490:27:52

# It's the pits And we know we're stuck

0:27:520:27:55

# But we love it

0:27:550:27:57

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:570:27:59

# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

0:27:590:28:02

# So the hotel survives Trubble, Trubble

0:28:020:28:05

# Keep the hotel alive. #

0:28:050:28:08

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:080:28:10

The American president secretly checks into Hotel Trubble, relying for his safety on the fact that no one will look for him at such a rubbish, cheap fleapit. When he gets locked in the toilet, leaving Lenny looking after a laptop that will enact any law he chooses, things start to get seriously silly.


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