Takahashi Hotel Trubble

'Welcome to Hotel Trubble. Meet Sally, our receptionist.'

Trying to have a conversation here!

'And this is Lenny. He's a man of many talents.

'This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's...umm...fiance.

'This is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.'

Which just leaves me, Jamie. I'm the bellboy.

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know

# We're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

# So the hotel survives

# Trubble, Trubble

# Keep the hotel alive. #

Right, gang. I've been on the phone with troubly, wubbly Trubble

and he says that we've not had enough guests staying here lately.

He's not happy.

-Aww, that's a shame. Should we buy him a lollipop?

-A lollipop?

My mum bought me a lollipop when I wasn't happy. Never did me any harm.

Anyway, we need people to come back to the hotel.

And seeing as you lot are a little bit lazy

and a bit useless, I have come up with a new idea to bring 'em in.

Boys and girls, let me introduce you to my new...

-Pause for drum roll...

-DRUM ROLL

..Turbo Chair.

Turbo Chair is designed to relieve stress by massaging you

while you sit back and relax.

That will bring the customers in. A chair(?!)

Um, what did you say, Sally?

You sound a little stressed yourself. Why don't you have a go?

MUSIC PLAYS

-I bet you're feeling more relaxed now, aren't you, Sally?

-Yeah(!)

Never let her put me in that chair again.

How does this bonkers contraption of yours work, Dolly?

Batteries? Electricity? Solar power?

No, no, no, no. It's run by a little man who sits inside it.

-ALL: What?

-Yeah. His name's Nigel.

You all right in there, Nigel?

-NIGEL: I'm all right. Can I get a cup of tea?

-Yes.

So hang on. Your great idea to bring guests in is a little man

who sits in a chair and shakes it when you sit in it.

Well, I don't see you coming up with any better ideas, Jamie.

-I have got an idea...

-No!

Turbo Chair it is.

People will come from miles around to have a go.

You're making me all tense now.

Do your worst, Nigel!

MUSIC PLAYS

Right, guys. We have a problem.

This hotel isn't getting enough guests and call me crazy,

but a little man shaking a big chair won't bring them in.

What about a big man shaking a little chair?

Even worse.

Why do you care anyway? No guests means less work for us.

So I can sit around and read Best Baked Bean Magazine.

-Best Baked Bean Magazine?

-I've read the other magazines

-and I've got to find something to do.

-Well, you could work!

Pfff! It's actually quite interesting.

You wouldn't believe what the people in bean companies get up to.

Believe me, darling... I know.

I once dated the head of Baked Beans Incorporated.

Enough about the beans! If we don't get any guests

then there won't BE a hotel for us to work in.

Jamie, Mr Trubble would never close down this hotel.

Get real, grandma! This hotel is a tiny part of the Trubble empire.

He's got businesses all over the world.

His porcupine farm makes more money than this place.

What do you make at a porcupine farm?

Toothpicks.

Oi! Put that back or you'll be picking your teeth up from the floor!

Rargh!

I've got an idea that I'm pretty confident will blow your socks off.

THEY MUMBLE

We are entering the International Hotel of the Year competition!

-Guys!

-So you want to enter some big hotel competition?

-What do you want us to do about it?

-I need your help, Sally.

We need to show Mr T we're what keeps this hotel together.

If we don't save the hotel, what's going to happen to you?

Do you want to go back to your old job counting grains of salt?

One million 846.

One million 847.

Achoo!

Awww!

One, two...

All right, Jamie. We'll help you. What do we have to do?

We need something to impress the judges.

OK. What if I sang to the guests, 24/7?

# Good morning!

# I hope you're enjoying your stay!

# Don't worry about the holes in the roof

# They are meant to be there!

# Yeah, yeah, yeah. #

Why don't we make it an international hotel?

We could have sausages from Germany, music from South Africa,

French cheese from...

-the supermarket.

-Not bad, Lenny. Not bad.

# Gu-u-u-u-ten tag!

# Guten tag! Guten ta-a-a-ag!

# Guten, guten, guten

# Guten, guten, guten. #

Whoa! Do you know any German, other than "guten tag"?

No.

BICYCLE BELL RINGS

Jamie, I've got a rickshaw from China.

Ah, good.

-Pretend you're a guest. Hop on board.

-OK.

Good evening, sir. May I take you to your room?

Oh, yes, please. Room five.

-Off we go then.

-HORN BEEPS

Stairs.

I haven't really thought this through, have I?

# Yo, heave-ho!

# Yo, heave-ho!

# Yo-o-o-o

# Yo, heave-ho! #

I'm guessing that's Mrs Poshington's contribution.

Russian dancing.

I've looked on the internet and found out how the competition works.

The organisers send a mystery guest to each hotel in the competition.

Is that like a guest that solves mysteries? Like Sherlock Holmes?

Perhaps he can solve the mystery of what's been happening to my cookies.

-You haven't seen them, have you?

-SALLY MUMBLES

No, a mystery guest is a guest who looks like any other ordinary guest

but is actually not what they seem.

-Are they a burglar?

-No.

-Are they a robot?

-No.

Are they a robot burglar sent from the future come to wipe our past?

A mystery guest is someone who pretends to be a guest

but is actually judging the hotel for the competition.

Oh. Thank you, Nigel. I feel much m-m-more relaxed n-n-now.

-NIGEL:

-Can I have that cup of tea? I'm thirsty from all that shaking.

Yes, I'll go and get it.

Oh, I'm sorry, Nigel. All the tea seems to have gone.

-NIGEL:

-Crumpet! I was desperate for a cuppa.

-Excuse me.

-Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know where the staff have got to.

-Do you have any rooms?

-Oh, yes, yes, yes.

I imagine you're here for the Turbo Chair.

Was it an advert in the paper you saw?

What? Turbo Chair? I do not have time for this.

-I have just had a long flight from Japan.

-Oooh, Japan, eh?

You must be very stressed. You need something to relax you.

-Something to shake away all those worries.

-What is this?

-I just want to go to my room.

-Setting it to number five. Ready, Nigel?

-NIGEL:

-Full steam ahead!

Whoa! Stop! What's going on?

-Hello, Jamie! This is Mr...

-Takahashi.

Mr Takahashi. He's trying out our new Turbo Chair.

The mystery guest. No! No Turbo Chair!

I'm sure Mr Takahashi wants to go to his room. Am I right, Mr Takahashi?

-Yes. I tried to tell this woman, but she's crazy!

-I am not crazy!

Ha-ha! Yeah!

I'll just take your bags.

Which is obviously a very polite thing to do

so you might want to make a note of that.

It's very exciting times at Hotel Trubble.

We're making this a fully international hotel.

We'll have food and entertainment from all around the world.

-So you will have Japanese food?

-Japanese food...

Yes! Of course!

Remind me. Japanese food is...

Well, it's, em...

You do not know, do you? Japanese food is sushi!

Bento! Wasabi!

Sushi? Yes. We've got loads of sushi.

I'll just get our chef to cook some up for you.

What? Cook?! You do not cook sushi!

-It is raw fish!

-Really?

I mean, of course, yes. Raw fish.

-Do you want some now?

-No.

Now I will lie down. I want my sushi ready for me at 7pm.

No sooner and no later! And I expect some entertainment with my meal.

I do not wish to eat whilst looking at nothing but your chubby chops!

-Now take me to my room!

-Yes, of course.

When I am asleep I do not like to be disturbed. Understand?

When I am disturbed, it makes me very cross!

And you would not want to see me when I am cross.

-Here is a picture of me when I am cross.

-Argh!

And this is the corridor! 100% wood.

I'll turn my back in case you do want to make a note of that.

Just in case you're judging a competition.

And this is your room.

There you are. All our rooms have four walls, a ceiling

and all but one have a floor.

MAN SCREAMS

-THUD!

-Yeah, we should probably fix that.

I really think you will enjoy your stay.

Hmm. I'll be the judge of that.

Uh? Judge of that? I see what you did there. I like it.

What are you talking about? OK. I'm going to sleep now.

I do not want to hear any noise. The slightest sound could wake me up.

-OK.

-You just made sound!

-(OK.)

-Better.

-Now close my door.

-Of course!

-Quietly!

# Guten tag! Auf wiedersehen!

# Eins, zwei, drei! #

I'm so sorry.

What are you doing? You can't sing to him in German!

You're right. French is a more beautiful language.

# Bonjour! Ou est la bibliotheque? #

This place is a mad house. I do not want to hear any more noise.

Yes. I'll make sure of it. Have a good sleep.

Jamie! I found the mystery guest!

Lenny. That's a life-size cutout of John Barrowman.

Oh, yeah. I wondered why he wasn't talking back.

Anyway, don't you worry. I'll keep looking. See you later, Jamie!

-I thought I told you. I need absolute silence.

-Sorry.

FLOORBOARD CREAKS

Oof!

And then he said, "I'll be the judge of that."

A pretty obvious hint, right?

Oh. Right. Yes. Absolutely... Is it?

He means he's the judge of the competition.

He's testing us by getting us to make sushi

and by generally being the most difficult guest I've ever met.

We need to make sure he has the best stay possible.

Whatever you do, don't tell Dolly.

You know I can speak Japanese.

"Hello" is "konnichiwa".

# Konnichiwa, konnichiwa

# Konnichiwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa! #

Oh, I love that song!

Sally's singing it to Mr Takahashi, the mystery guest,

in the Hotel of the Year Competition we entered to save the hotel.

Was it "don't tell Dolly" or "do?" I forget.

It was DON'T! Nice one, brain box.

You've entered the hotel into a competition without telling me?

With my Turbo Chair, we can't lose!

I'll seat Mr Takahashi in it 24 hours a day.

-Are you up to that, Nige?

-It'd be easier if you gave me a cup of tea.

I was very big in Japan in my younger days...

Something of a pop star actually.

-Perhaps you remember my hit single?

-What was it called?

"Fun Baby Fun, Fun, Fun Time, Let's Dance. Brackets,

"Do You Want To Dance? Close Brackets."

It's a...catchy title.

At seven o'clock, Mr Takahashi is coming down for sushi.

He wants some kind of entertainment.

-Sally, we'll work on that. Lenny, talk to chef about sushi.

-OK.

No, wait. Why do I have to talk to him?

Because I'm doing the entertainment.

I mean, it's not like I'm afraid of the chef or anything(!)

No, me neither(!)

-I'll break out the riot gear.

-Good idea.

# Konnichiwa-wa-wa-wa-waaaah! #

Sally, I'm not sure singing is your strongest point.

Maybe we should focus on the dancing.

# What do you mean?!

# I'm the best singer

# In the wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-r-l-d. #

Actually, Sally... Just sing that last note again.

-# World! #

-Try it a bit higher...

-# Wor-r-rld! #

-A bit higher...

-# Wor-r-rld! #

-And just a bit higher...

NOTHING COMES OUT

Oh, no, Sally!

It sounds like you've lost your voice. You won't be able to sing.

Aww, maybe you could do some dancing instead.

(I hate you, Jamie.)

Back soon, dearest. I've one more hotel to judge for the competition.

Love to you. Goodbye. Bye-bye.

Ah, Hotel Trubble.

Well, the lobby looks nice enough.

Excuse me, I'm looking for a room.

-What?

-I said I'd like to book a room, if I may.

I'm kind of busy right now. There are forms on the desk.

I see. My name is Mr Baker. I was hoping you could tell me

a little about what this hotel has to offer?

Listen, Mr Butcher! You've got eyes, haven't you?

We've got a very important guest staying so I need to get this done.

Ah, I see. Ah! Excuse me, my name is Mr Baker. I'd like to book a room.

That's lovely, Mr Builder, but it is busy so if you can find a room

-and we'll sort the rest out later.

-Right. Oh. OK.

BANGING AND CRASHING

No, Chef, no-one's criticising your cooking!

What are you doing with that cake, Chef?

Chef? Where you going?

Suppose I'll have to make the sushi myself.

Without Chef, I'll have to cook the sushi myself!

According to this, it's raw fish in rice.

I don't get it! Where am I going to find raw fish?

Think, Lenny. Think. Hey, I've got it!

Mr Trubble's goldfish. Do you that's a good idea, Sally?

I don't know what you mean by that.

Does it mean yes when you shake your head, or no?

I'm going to take that as a yes. Thanks, Sally.

PHONE RINGS

NO VOICE COMES OUT

Hello, I'd like to order some room service, please.

VOICE CROAKS

I'll have a bowl of pasta, a glass of lemonade

and a slice of banoffee pie, please.

Hello?...

-Lenny, is the sushi ready yet?

-No!

You! It is seven o'clock. Where is my sushi?!

Ah, Mr Takahashi. If you'd like to step into the dining room,

we have your entertainment.

-And sushi?!

-Of course. The sushi will be ready any moment.

Follow me.

And I'm sure you've noticed our...

Sorry! ..our special international decorations?

-Don't know if you want to make a note?

-I don't care!

I just care about sushi!

Excuse me. I'm peckish and I think there's a problem with room service.

I'd like a bowl of pasta, a lemonade and a slice of banoffee pie.

-Um, I don't want to seem rude, Mr Bricklayer.

-It's Baker.

We have a very special guest staying at the moment so...we'll have to...

If you could have a seat, someone will be with you in a moment.

This will help you to relax.

Nige, give him the full session and that cup of tea is yours.

-NIGEL:

-Message understood, Skipper.

-Full session?

-Right.

-Owww!

-Sushi!

-Sushi!

-Sushi!

-Sushi!

Coming right up. But first it's time for your entertainment!

Mr Takahashi. We would like to take you on a journey across the world

through the wonder of the dance.

Spain!

MUSIC: "Macarena" by Los del Rio

USA.

MUSIC: Wild west tune

-India.

-MUSIC: Traditional Indian music

-Ireland.

-MUSIC: Traditional Irish jig

Germany.

MUSIC: Traditional German music

Lithuania...

SILENCE

And finally...

SHE SINGS SLOW, SOMBRE SONG

# I don't know any more. #

..Russia.

I do not care for any of this dancing.

-Where is my sushi?

-Right here.

First the rice...

pudding. And now the raw fish.

Ta-da!

-Is that Mr Trubble's goldfish?

-Yeah.

Arghh!

There we go... Sushi!

Enjoy your meal.

KLAXON BLARES

'Goldfish are a protected species. Eat fish fingers, instead.

'Hey, what about me. Am I not protected?'

This is the worst hotel I have ever stayed in my whole life.

I'm leaving immediately!

Mr Takahashi. Please give us another chance. I'm begging you.

This is the worst hotel ever! Nothing could make me want to stay!

# Fun, baby, fun, fun, fun time... #

I don't believe it. Yolly Dolly?!

# ..Wanna dance close brackets Fun, baby, fun, fun, time

# Let's dance, brackets Do you wanna dance, close brackets?

# Fun, baby, fun, fun, fun time

# Let's dance, brackets Do you wanna dance, close brackets?

# Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. #

That was so beautiful.

It was number one in Japan for five years. I had your picture on my wall.

-When will you release a new single?

-Oh, Mr Takahashi.

I'm not in the music business any more.

Well, let's not be so hasty. I'm sure we can sort something out,

IF Mr Takahashi was willing to do something for us.

For example, let us win the competition.

Competition? What competition?

The International Hotel of the Year Competition.

You are the mystery guest, right?

Mystery guest?! Like Sherlock Holmes? Or a robot burglar from the future?

-See!

-You're not the mystery guest?

-Then who could it be?

A bowl of pasta, a lemonade and a slice of banoffee pie, please!

You're the mystery guest, aren't you Mr Bakewell Tart?

My Name is Mr Baker! Mr Baker!

I would never let you win the hotel competition.

Not if you were the last hotel on Earth! Good day to you!

So, that's it then.

We haven't won the competition and Hotel Trubble is over.

I knew I'd seen him. Mr Takahashi is the owner of Takahashi Baked Beans -

the biggest baked bean company in Japan!

-I can't believe I didn't recognise him(!)

-No, listen!

It says he's planning on holding the biggest baked bean convention

in Britain next month. He's probably looking for a hotel to stay at.

You mean...if we can persuade him to make everyone

come to the baked bean convention then Hotel Trubble will be saved.

But how can we convince him to do that?

We might not need to.

# Fun, baby, fun, fun, fun time. #

-Every room?

-He booked every room.

-For a whole month?

-For a whole month.

There's just one thing. They all want sushi.

Awww. Well, I suppose I better go out and buy some more goldfish.

I guess things are back to normal.

SHE SINGS A RUSSIAN SONG

Well, when I say normal...

And now I've got my voice back...

# I can sing! #

SHE SINGS BADLY

PHONE RINGS

NO VOICE COMES OUT

# Hotel Trubble for ever

# It's the pits and we know

# We're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble for ever

# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

# So the hotel survives

# Trubble, Trubble Keep the hotel alive. #