Super Trubble Hotel Trubble

Welcome to Hotel Trubble. Meet Sally, our receptionist.

People, trying to have a conversation.

And this is Lenny. He's a man of many talents.

This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's fiancee.

And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner,

which just leaves me, Jamie.

I'm the bellboy.

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know

# We're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

# So the hotel survives

# Trubble, Trubble

# Keep the hotel alive. #

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

Blah-di-blah, blah, blah, blah. OK, bye.

-Did someone ring?

-No, I'm practising.

Things are pretty quiet here.

Oh, Jamie, I'm so bored!

-Lenny, you'll get fat.

-Oh, it's OK. I'm rubbish at it.

Jamie, I'm so bored, too! And I'm too beautiful to be bored.

You really are, Sally.

I mean, come on, guys!

We're bound to get a guest soon.

In the meantime, let's watch some TV just for a treat.

On tonight's Paint Your Living Room it's been an exciting one.

With 40 minutes to go,

Stuart finishes painting his lounge wall grey with grey highlights.

SHE YAWNS

This is really dull. It's like watching paint dry.

He just finished the final coat.

I know! I can read you both a story from my comic.

Comics are for babies.

You're thinking of nappies and rusks.

Comics are full of superheroes with superpowers.

I'd love to be a superhero.

Lenny, superheroes are brave and fight baddies.

You're scared of balloon animals.

No, I'm not.

Ah, ah! Put it away!

Ha-ha-ha!

You get brave when you get your powers.

How do you get superpowers?

You get superpowers by being bitten by something.

Spider-Man got bitten by a spider.

Batman, he got bitten by a...

Oh, what was it, now? Don't tell me.

A bat?

No. Er... Oh, that's it - a pigeon!

Hey, if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

I'd be Glamour Girl.

I'd have a slinky catsuit and laser lipstick.

Glamour Girl -

destroying baddies' self-esteem by telling them their bums look big!

Pow! Pow!

MUSIC: "Glamorous" by Fergie

Yeah, yeah.

-What about you, Jamie?

-Well, if, er... If I could be...

Well, you know, if I could be anything in the world, I'd be, er...

Hotel Manager Man!

Checking in guests with a single bound.

Ordering extra toilet paper in the wink of an eye.

Oh, yeah.

That's sad. REALLY sad.

Oh, here you are. Did you miss me?

-Have you been away?

-I did think it was a bit less old around here.

Don't pretend you couldn't wait till I came home.

-Where have you been, Dolly?

-I've been on a worldwide trip with Mr Trubble.

We've done all the continents - America, Australia, Birmingham.

-How come she gets to go on a holiday?

-It wasn't a holiday!

We've been doing an inspection tour.

We've visited every single branch of Hotel Trubble.

What? There are other Hotel Trubbles?

Yeah, of course there are.

# All round the world

# Rock and roll is all it takes. #

There are LOADS of Hotel Trubbles. Oh, I almost forgot!

There are presents for you in reception.

ALL: Yay!

It's like Christmas! Only Dolly's beard isn't as bushy as Santa's!

Come on, presents!

What's it for?

It's a webcam, Jamie Chops.

Mr Trubble has set up cameras throughout the whole hotel

so people can watch everything going on.

Every branch of Hotel Trubble is doing it. See?

This is the web feed from the Hotel Trubble in Rio De Janeiro.

They're preparing for Carnival!

This down here, you see -

that's the number that have watched the web feed.

2,648.

Oh, great.

Mr Trubble wants all his hotels to be exciting.

Whichever one is the least interesting,

or the one which gets the least viewers,

-will be closed down.

-What? That's awful!

Yes!

I mean, you know, it would be awful if this hotel was to be closed down.

You lot would be fired.

Someone - for instance, me - would have to be relocated

to another branch of Hotel Trubble.

Just off the top of my head, the one in Rio De Janeiro...

I'd hate to go to Rio.

MENACING MUSIC

-Was that Evil Scheme music?

-No.

OK. Well, that's simple.

We have to make our hotel really exciting,

then people will watch us.

-That's the size of it, Jamie.

-Well, that can't be too hard.

There's always something exciting!

Look, guys! Tumbleweed!

You don't see that every day!

Come on, we need to think of a way to grab more viewers.

What do people find interesting?

I know! We could became a crack force of superhero crime fighters.

People love superheroes.

We could chase a load of robbers into the hotel

and have a big fight.

Then police would come with their woo-woos on...

-This is serious. Stop going on about superheroes!

-But I...

Come on, we need something big, something spectacular.

Some kind of...

Buzzzz!

-Where's it gone?

-I don't know.

Ow! Yes!

Jamie... Ow!

I've been stung on the bum by a bee.

Ow!

It's like Spider-Man, only with a bee instead of a spider! Yes!

Buzzzz.

I can feel the fuzzy leg of destiny entwining with mine.

I'm changing. I'm gaining...powers.

Buzzz!

I crave...honey!

What's happening to me?

Could I really be turning into a superhero?

Look, viewers.

Beyonce is here!

# All the single ladies All the single ladies

# Put your hands up... #

Why aren't more people watching?

That would be marvellous, Lionel. I'll see you tomorrow.

-Bye-bye.

-Was that a guest?

A real actual guest?

That was an old flame of mine, Lionel Putty.

I thought I'd help make Hotel Trubble more exciting.

I told him what a happening place this is,

and he couldn't wait to book.

Can't wait to meet him!

Good afternoon.

-Hello.

-Oh, Lionel Putty. My old flame.

How are you, sweetie?

Adequate, thank you for asking.

I must apologise for my slight tardiness, to whit,

for my original intended check-in time of 3pm,

when my wristwatch now indicates that it is, in fact,

3.03pm, Greenwich Mean Time,

but I did encounter a small amount of traffic congestion...

Of all the people to check in now -

a man who's as interesting as belly-button fluff!

Zzzzz...

HE COUGHS

What's up?

It's about this salad.

I'm afraid I'll have to return it. It's a little bit exciting for me.

It's celery.

What's exciting about celery?

There are two main properties to celery.

The first, which I will come to in a moment, is the wetness.

The second, more obvious property, is the fact that it is stringy.

When one considers the stringiness of celery...

If he says celery one more time

I'm going to push that celery up his nose

and make him whistle Greensleves out of it!

Say it again, buster!

I dare you!

I wonder if all the other Hotel Trubbles are as boring as this.

SPANISH MUSIC

Bullfighting.

MUSIC: "The X Files" Theme Tune

Aliens.

Yes, they are! They're not doing anything interesting.

Oh, no! We're doomed!

Somebody, save us!

Never fear, everyone! Beeman is here!

Hello, Lenny.

Who is this Lenny you speak of?

I am Beeman!

International superhero with the power of a bee.

Are those Sally's tights?

Er, no. These are my crime-fighting garments.

The power of a bee? Couldn't you at least pick an exciting creature?

-Hey! Bees are brilliant!

-No, they're not.

Apart from the honey-making, they don't really do anything.

Well, we can... We can sting people.

Only once. Go on then, what other bee powers do you have?

Well, they can...

I can communicate the location of nectar

via the intricate system of dancing!

Buzzzz.

Buzzzz, buzzzz.

-Bees can talk to each other while dancing.

-Like Diversity.

Come and stand with me here, in front of this webcam,

and tell me everything you've been doing.

Well, as you know, Dolly,

I have been working mainly in the field of chemical engineering.

I've been working on a new kind of gas.

There are 23 things you need to be aware of

when working with gas. One...

No! No!

I've told you, you strangely-dressed nincompoop!

Leave me alone!

I want to help you cross the road!

That's what we do - fight crime and help defenceless old ladies!

There's a busy road about half a mile from here.

I'll give you defenceless old lady! Take that!

-Agh!

-And that!

-Ah!

-And that!

-Ow!

Ah, handbags - my one weakness!

Why is no-one taking me seriously?

And then he got his sideburns trimmed last Thursday, yes.

I think that is a complete history of my postman's haircuts since 1992.

Now, how about cheese graters?

There's a thing I never saw taking off...

The skateboarding monkeys I ordered should be here by now.

Anyone seen them?

Er, they... They cancelled.

Yeah, one of the monkeys got a terrible allergy to elbow pads.

-What about the sword swallower I booked?

-He called in sick.

Ate a bad sword.

It was past its swallow-by date.

Don't worry, pet, I've organised a grand contest for this afternoon.

That's brilliant! People love contests.

What is it?

Mud wrestling! No, no, no. Er, bigger, bigger.

Erm, maybe it's waterskiing over a tank of sharks!

No! No! A pie-eating contest.

No, wait, that's smaller.

Er, pie-eating on ice!

No?

Fire! No, no, ice!

-No, fire. Er, in space!

-It's even better than that.

-Ta-dah!

-No, no, no.

Dolly, how will filling the hotel with dull people

get us more viewers?

People like watching dull things, Jamie.

Like that programme about paint drying.

"Britain's Dullest Person"? Oh, no, I don't like that at all.

Don't you, Lionel? I thought you'd love it.

-Yeah, because you're dull.

-Thank you.

But I think it's important to preserve the purity of dullness.

I am the dullest person in Britain,

and this contest

is far, far too exciting.

You see, Jamie?

Mr Putty thinks the contest will be exciting.

He thinks gravel is exciting!

It is. There's pointy bits, less pointy bits.

-Actually, did you know, gravel is...

-Hello, citizens!

ALL: Hello, Lenny.

It's Beeman. Just wondered if you needed any crimes solving?

You know, cats stuck up trees, that sort of thing?

-Lenny, we haven't got time for this.

-But I made you a costume!

I thought maybe we could solve crime together.

Sorry, Lenny, but you've got to grow up.

The hotel is in peril!

Are you some kind of superhero?

I'm Beeman.

Nice to BEE you! That's my catchphrase.

That and, "Hello, honey!"

I say that to all the girls.

And to honey.

Superheroes? Oh, dear. Oh, no. I don't like that at all.

I came here for some peace and quiet to work on my gases,

not contests and superheroes.

Lenny, you're not a superhero. Where's your baddie? Your nemesis.

Superheroes are meant to have nemesisses.

Nemesis-sis-ses.

Nemesisses. No.

-Nemisis...

-Nemesisisses. No.

Nemeis... Nemesisses. You know,

baddies you fight. You know, enemies.

Well, I will have my nemesisses...

Nem, nem... My baddy soon enough.

I doubt that very much.

I'm sorry, Dolly,

you've offended my dull sensibilities, I'm checking out.

Excuse me. Humph.

Oh, Lionel, don't go!

Never mind, the other boring people will be here for the contest!

Dolly, if we broadcast this competition, no-one will watch us,

and Mr Trubble will shut us down!

It's almost like you want this hotel to close.

Don't be so silly, Jamie!

It'd be AWFUL if I got relocated to Rio,

where there's a massive waterpark

and lobster thermidor for every meal.

Ah, look! Ah!

Hello, and welcome to the first ever

Britain's Dullest Person contest 2011.

Let's wish the contestants good luck!

I mean, (FLATLY) let's wish the contestants good luck.

Welcome, everyone! Come on.

Just remember to be as boring as possible.

This is bad.

I'm going to my superhero hideout - the Beehive!

-You mean your bedroom?

-Yep.

Honey gun - check!

Super Stinger - check!

Look out, villains! Beeman is here,

ready to thwart crime and general baddiness!

No-one can stop the mighty Beeman!

This concludes the judging for the most boring noise.

Well done, Simon Hughes of Gloucestershire.

HE YAWNS

FANFARE

Ha! Sorry to crash the party!

Did, er... Did Lenny make a new costume?

Those aren't my tights.

I'm Explodo!

The most exciting supervillain in the world,

and I'm here to put an end to this dull competition.

So, if you're not Lenny... Sorry, I mean, Beeman, where is he?

Beeman's...tied up right now.

Help!

Ha-ha! No-one can stop me from ruining this event.

I'm going to put an end to this dull contest right now!

MUSIC: "Soul Bossa Nova"

My excitement bombs make everything exciting!

-This is brilliant!

-Stop being exciting!

You're ruining my plan!

Ha! I knew it! You DO want the hotel to be boring!

Stop it! Just stop it!

Just tell them to stop it!

Not so fast, little lady!

For my next exciting trick, I need some glamorous assistants!

Whoa!

Ha-ha! Don't worry, this won't hurt ME at all!

Hoopla!

BOTH: A-a-a-a-a-h!

-Sally!

-Oi, watch it, nut-head!

Is this your plan? Because I don't like it!

No, I don't know what's going on.

OK, I think you've gone far enough, Mr... Sorry, Explodo, was it?

No way, boring bellboy.

I'm going to make this hotel the most exciting place in the world.

Hoopla!

Ow!

Yes, and that's very lovely but please don't hurt the woman I love.

To work with.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

You cowardly fool. The only person who could stop me is a superhero.

And unfortunately for you, he's safely tied up in the cupboard.

Oh! Oh!

You're right. I can't stop an evil villain.

But maybe, I know a Hotel Manager Man that could.

-Wow. Have you been wearing that the whole time?

-Really comfortable.

(HUSKILY) Right, Explodo. Stop it at once!

-What are you supposed to be?

-I'm...

HE COUGHS

I'm the Hotel Manager Man

and you're...

HE MUMBLES

Sorry, I beg your pardon@

Checking out.

Get off me!

I've got your hair, I've got your hair!

-Boo!

-A-a-a-h!

-A-a-a-a-h!

-Get us out!

Sally, get me out of here!

I'm scared!

PHONE RINGS

One minute. Hello, Hotel Trubble.

-It's for you.

-Who is it?

-Mr Whack-In-The-Face.

Whack-In-The-Face?

Come on!

A-a-a-a-h!

MOTOR WHIRS

Woo!

Jamie, you caught him!

You're a hero.

Thanks, Sally.

(HUSKILY) Thanks, Sally.

Wow, that was fun.

Just one question remains.

Who is Explodo?

BOTH: Mr Putty?

Now, I for one, was not expecting that.

But Lionel, you are so boring.

Why have you dressed like an evil villain

and made my boring competition exciting?

Don't you see, Dolly? I am boring. I love boring,

and I wouldn't let a competition make a mockery of it.

So, I developed this excitement gas,

which made all the other contestants really interesting.

Why?

So I would be the only boring one left

and win the title of Britain's Dullest Person

and I would've got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky staff.

That sort of makes sense.

There's no way you won. That Explodo stuff -

it was far too interesting.

Yeah. I didn't really think through my plan at all.

As head judge, I'm giving this rosette to Sally.

Because frankly, she's been particularly boring all episode.

Hooray! I finally won something!

Britain's Dullest Per... Whoa, this is not good.

Jamie, I am so sorry.

I just got carried away with the idea of going to Rio de Janeiro

but it's so much more fun here.

BEEPING

We're an internet sensation.

ALL: Whoa!

Here, where's Explodo... I mean, Mr Putty gone?

Ha-ha-ha! The trophy is mine!

Don't try and catch me or I'll let loose my special gas

which makes you wet yourself all day long.

And night.

Stop that villain. He's getting away.

That's my trophy!

Beeman, you stopped the supervillian from escaping.

I'm sorry I doubted you.

Yes! I am a superhero! Jamie, call the police.

I'll glue him to the floor with my honey gun.

Just to be on the safe side, let's tie him up with rope, as well.

KLAXON WAILS

Hello, Mr Trubble.

A million viewers?

So, you're not going to shut down the hotel?

Brilliant. OK, bye!

-Yes!

-And I can't believe I actually won something.

What's this? I don't know...

I think I found one of Mr Putty's excitement bombs.

Don't breathe in, anyone!

Jamie.

-Oh, Sally.

-I...

PHONE RINGS

-Er, er...

-I just...

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know

# We're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]