Snoopergirl Hotel Trubble


Snoopergirl

Children's sitcom. When top US popstar Jenny Montenny comes to stay, Dolly and Jamie join forces to prevent Sally revealing her secrets on her Snoopergirl blog.


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Transcript


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble. Meet Sally, our receptionist.

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-Trying to have a conversation here.

-And this is Lenny -

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a man of many talents.

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This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's fiancee.

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And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.

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Which just leaves me, Jamie. I'm the bellboy.

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know

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# We're stuck but we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

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# So the hotel survives

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# Trubble, Trubble

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# Keep the hotel alive! #

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Bored, bored, bored.

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It's a good thing I've got my secret identity to keep me sane.

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JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

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"Greetings, gossip fans, Snoopergirl here -

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"the online gossip girl whose identity remains a secret.

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"Want to hear my latest snoop?

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"Celebrity chef Gordon Blimey might be a terror in the kitchen,

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"but he can't get to sleep at night without his teddy bear, Bobo. Aww!"

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-Sally?

-What? I'm busy.

-Doing what exactly?

-Nothing.

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No surprises there, so you've got time to unblock the toilet.

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# Do I smell trubble! #

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ALL MAKE EXCUSES

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Oi, oi, oi, listen.

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I need you all to stop working and start looking at a gossip website.

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-Did you say that the right way round?

-Mr Trubble was on the blower

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-telling me there's a new gossip girl - Snoopergirl...

-Super-who?

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Snoopergirl! Brilliant. She found out Pixie's breath

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smells like pickled onions.

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Let's have a look.

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Stupid gossipy rubbish!

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Oh! I never knew!

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Oh, who'd have thought it?

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-This website is brilliant!

-All the stars have only one thing in common.

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-The vampire eyebrows.

-No, they've all stayed at Hotel Trubble.

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-You're right. They all stayed here on the same night.

-Really?

-Yeah.

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Remember when dozens of celebrities stayed here?

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-No.

-We hosted the National Academy of Film and Television Awards -

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the NAFTAs.

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One complaint at a time, please, people.

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Don't you remember that?

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Mr Trubble reckons Snoopergirl has been spying on our hotel guests.

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-Why would anyone do that?

-Cos they wanted someone to listen to them!

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-Sorry, did you say something?

-Never mind.

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We don't need anybody spying on our guests,

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not when we've got our biggest ever star guest arriving today -

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American teen sensation Jenny Montenny!

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Whoo!

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Oh, Jenny Montenny, I love that show!

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I guess my best friends were here with me the whole time.

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Hello, best friends.

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Hello, Jenny Montenny!

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I've learnt something today. Money really CAN solve everything!

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LAUGHTER

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I'm her biggest fan.

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# Jenny Montenny, you know it's true She lives in a toilet

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# And she sounds like a poo. #

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She wants a few days out of the spotlight.

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-She's chosen Hotel Trubble.

-For our outstanding customer service!

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No. After the chaos of the NAFTAs,

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this is the last place anyone would expect a celebrity to stay.

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Brilliant.

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This is our chance to prove we can take good care of our celebrities.

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If Snoopergirl doesn't muck things up.

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Miss Montenny arrives soon. I'll pack my bags.

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Is she staying in your room?

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No. Mr Trubble's taking me to Paris for my birthday.

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-Is he bringing you back as well?

-Yes.

-Wow! He must really love you.

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Which reminds me, I must practise my French.

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Monsieurs et Mesdames, le toilette ici est thwwwrrp!

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Thwwrrrrppp!

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-I'm sorry?

-The toilet needs unblocking.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

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LIQUID BUBBLES

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-Got to brush the floor.

-I'll help you.

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I want this plunger down the toilet.

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Gossip fans, Jenny Montenny better watch out,

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because Snoopergirl is seeking out her showbiz secrets. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-Is she here yet?

-Any minute now. She wants complete privacy.

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We have to make sure Snoopergirl doesn't get near her.

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Dolly, please, I've got everything completely under control.

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She won't get the better of me, tell you that.

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ALARM BLARES

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Just going to get this.

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Hello?

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ANGRY SHOUTING ON PHONE

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Yeah, sorry, what?

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Oh, no. Oh, no.

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Er...

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That was, um, Mr Trubble.

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Jenny Montenny's top-secret trip to Hotel Trubble is, um...

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-well, it's on Snoopergirl's front page.

-Oh-h!

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-He says if there's one more revelation at the hotel...

-Yeah?

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He's going to stop the leak by firing us

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and replacing us with people he can trust.

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ALL: Oh, no!

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That is bad news for you lot.

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He also said that if you don't stop Snoopergirl,

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-he's not taking you to Paris.

-What? He's just gone too far.

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We've got to put a stop to this Snoopergirl, whoever she is.

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-DING!

-Of course! Sally, can I have a word?

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Come on, this way. Come on.

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# Seven things I hate about you! #

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Hello? Am I invisible? Service!

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I want a bed of swan feathers,

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I want a bubble bath with one million bubbles, and I WILL count them.

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And I want you to stop gawping at me

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like some country bumpkin.

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I said, I want a swan-feather bed,

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I want a one-million-bubble bubble bath, and I want them NOW!

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-I know who Snoopergirl is. I've worked it out.

-Really?

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It has to be someone here,

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someone crafty with a lightning-fast mind.

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-It could only be...

-Mrs Poshington?

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# Silent night... #

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SNORING

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# Holy... #

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-No.

-No!

-There's only one person it could be.

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-You're right, Jamie, I have to come clean.

-Dolly.

-Dolly?

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Has to be. Couldn't be any of us.

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We wouldn't risk all our jobs for online fame.

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Not even you would go that far. Ha!

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-Sorry, what was it you wanted to come clean about?

-Er... Um...

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I accidentally put your underpants in a hot wash and shrunk them.

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That explains that one.

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I need to keep an eye on Dolly.

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-Get proof it's her.

-Yeah.

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So be sure to let me know anything suspicious.

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I know I can trust you.

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Yeah, you're such a good judge of character!

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Phew, that was close.

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At least my secret's still safe.

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-Oh, Sally!

-Ow!

-Ooh, you all right?

-Mm-hm.

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I'll hunt Snoopergirl before she ruins things.

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It's someone in the hotel, someone devious with the cunning of a snake.

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-It can only be...

-Mrs Poshington?

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# ..Shepherds quake... #

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-No! I reckon it's Jamie.

-Jamie?!

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He's always coming up with schemes to get the hotel noticed.

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I know what you're thinking.

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He can't be Snoopergirl because he's not a girl.

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Making it the perfect alibi!

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Oh, thank you so much, Sally. You've been such a big help.

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Brilliant. If they're watching each other,

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they'll never catch the real Snoopergirl. Ha-ha!

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Right, that's the last of your bags.

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-At least, I really hope so.

-Careful with my kitchen sink.

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-Worth more than you earn in a year.

-Do you like what I've done?

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-Made it special.

-Never mind that. Where are my surprise presents?

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-I didn't know we had to get them.

-Not a surprise otherwise, dummy!

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-Unplug my phone. I don't want anyone contacting me.

-OK.

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Coo-ee, Mrs Montenny! On behalf of the management,

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I would like to present these glorious flowers.

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You shouldn't have!

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Give me the flowers!

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What are you doing, Jamie?

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Where is it? Somewhere maybe in here. Got to just keep checking. Ah!

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-There you go. Completely safe.

-You really shouldn't have.

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I'm trying to get some quiet here. Get out my face!

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You! Lanky! Block up my keyhole, so no-one can spy through it.

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Here's some chewing gum. Get chewing.

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And you, draw the curtains.

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-Pencil or watercolour?

-Ooh, em...

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-No, just do it! There could be cameras anywhere.

-Yeah, sure.

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Excuse me.

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What are you... What are you doing?

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I'm trying to make sure there's nothing...

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There isn't anything beneath the curtains.

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Why? You completely...

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-There's nothing in them.

-I'm trying...

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-That's it. Out!

-Quite right. You want to be alone. So off you go, Dolly.

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-I'm not leaving YOU alone with her.

-I'm not leaving YOU alone with her.

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Both of you get out of here before I get you strapped to a space rocket.

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I am trying to get some peace and quiet

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and I want that NOW!

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CRASHING

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DOOR SLAM ECHOES

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I got my finger stuck.

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Right!

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DOING!

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Now, bring me my surprise presents!

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DOING DOING!

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No problem.

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And they better be good!

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Ow!

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Psst!

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It's Dolly.

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No. You're definitely Jamie.

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No, I mean, Dolly is Snoopergirl. I'm convinced.

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What are you doing in here, then? Shouldn't you keep an eye on her?

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She won't see me coming.

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-Hello, Jamie.

-Hello, Dolly.

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Gah!

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Look at him, sneaking around.

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Jamie's Snoopergirl. He's got to be.

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Well, what are you doing here, then? Shouldn't you keep an eye on him?

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You're right.

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Not a moment to lose!

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He'll never see me coming.

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They'll never see me coming. Time to get snoopin'!

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HE SNIFFS

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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Hey!

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Teddy!

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Argh!

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BANGING AND CRASHING

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Snoopergirl!

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HE KNOCKS

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There's chocolates.

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Ooh!

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ZOOM!

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Hey! Not another one!

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ZOOM! ZOOM!

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Snoopergirl!

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BOTH: I knew it! You're Snoopergirl!

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-It is so you! Sneaking into a room?

-I just saw you climb through window!

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-Yeah, so I could catch Snoopergirl red-handed.

-Me too!

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Good!

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So, if it's not me...

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and it's not you...

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then who is it?

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Hang on...

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What do you want?!

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Can you hear what I'm trying to say?

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..Had enough of you...

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SHE WHISTLES

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-Ssh!

-Oh, sorry! Sorry!

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-Oh, Sally!

-Are you all right?

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BOTH: Of course!

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BOTH: It's Mrs Poshington!

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# ..Sleep in heavenly peace... #

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BOTH: No. It's Sally!

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-DOOR OPENS

-Hide!

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-Move over!

-You're on my foot!

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Those are the worst surprise presents ever.

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I wanted something special, something unique.

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Something that's all about me.

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ECHOING: Me!

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I know, Miss Montenny, which is why I got you something special.

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Something that you'll really love.

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Whay-hey!

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Now all your pictures can be in the spotlight like they ought to be.

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Ah!

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Turn it off, you idiot.

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Oh, of course, yeah. Silly me.

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You want to be in the spotlight yourself! Whaaaaay!

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No, don't! It's too bright! Oh! Stop!

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Wow.

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Look at your face.

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It's more wrinkly than one of those...

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little wrinkly dogs.

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You know, the ones that are really wrinkly and run around...

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Watch it, buster! I may be 65, but I still know kung fu!

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You're 65?

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I need so much make-up, if I turn my head too fast, my face flies off!

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If my secret gets out, I'll be ruined.

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But I'll take down whoever blows the whistle on me.

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You get me?

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Well, now you know, you can come down to the laundry room

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-and help iron my wrinkles.

-Oh, brilliant!

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Did you hear that?!

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Jenny Montenny is 65!

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ALARM SOUNDS

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We can't let Sally find out, all right?

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-If it gets on Snoopergirl website, Mr Trubble will fire us!

-And?

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-And Mr Trubble won't take you to Paris.

-Sacre bleu!

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-I'll get him to fire Sally at once.

-No!

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You can't! She's got really pretty eyes!

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-What?! I didn't know you cared about her so much!

-Yeah!

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I mean, no.

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I mean, when you say "care"... obviously I like her...

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I mean, not LIKE like...

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Don't get me wrong, she's a valuable member of staff.

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All righty. As long as you do something to stop her.

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-Thank you.

-And then you go downstairs and unblock the toilets.

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Or shall I call Mr Trubble?

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Unblocked toilet it is.

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But first, to stop Sally snooping,

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I'll appeal to her better nature.

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And when that doesn't work?

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I'll just have to rely on my back-up plan. Don't worry.

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Argh!

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ALARM SOUNDS

0:18:440:18:46

Jamie! Don't do that!

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-I've had enough injuries today already!

-How did you get those?

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I, um... Cos I was... Blew my nose really hard.

0:18:520:18:57

Don't give me that, Sally!

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Or should I say...Snoopergirl?

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-Don't know what you're talking about.

-No?

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Then what's this?

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My coat.

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This...

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This! That's not what I meant. This is not what I meant.

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What is...

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How is this even possible?

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What?

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Ah!

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This!

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Look, the game is up, Sally.

0:19:390:19:41

You've got to stop snooping around or you're going to get fired.

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It's not like you'd miss me anyway!

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No-one ever listens to me!

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But they listen to Snoopergirl.

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Sally!

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-Of course we'd miss you if you weren't here!

-Really?

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Yeah!

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You're the only one who knows how to work the till properly. Sally.

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Promise me you'll give up being Snoopergirl and I'll promise

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-we'll pay you more attention. How's that?

-If you really miss me...

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No hugs.

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OK, cool. It's a deal.

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No more Snoopergirl.

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Just as well you didn't find out Jenny's secret. It's a whopper.

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Actually, you're the only person in the hotel who doesn't know about it.

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Huh! Weird!

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OK, so she's got a big secret.

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So what? I don't need to know it.

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I can give up being Snoopergirl any time I like.

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Oh, can you, Sally?

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Snoopergirl, I can resist your evil, gossiping powers!

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Oh, come on. It's just one more.

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SHE WHIMPERS

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Oh...OK!

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OK, just one more.

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But how are we going to find out what the secret is?

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Jamie's not going to tell us.

0:21:080:21:10

Well, don't ask Jamie. "Everyone knows", he says.

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(Lenny.)

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Ha ha ha!

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Now, my precious...

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"Yours sincerely..."

0:21:280:21:30

"Life President of the Jenny Montenny Fan Club,

0:21:310:21:37

"Lenny."

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"Kiss kiss."

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Hiya, Sally.

0:21:420:21:43

Jenny has made me president of her fan club

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in return for not telling anyone what her big secret is.

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Oops.

0:21:490:21:50

I knew it.

0:21:500:21:51

-Come on, Lenny! Spill the beans, spill the beans!

-No.

0:21:510:21:54

I'm not telling on Jenny! Not ever.

0:21:540:21:56

Well, you leave me no choice.

0:21:560:21:59

Oh, no, please.

0:21:590:22:01

Anything but that!

0:22:010:22:02

-SINGS BADLY

-# Another day has gone!

0:22:050:22:08

# I'm still alone... #

0:22:080:22:12

All right! I'll talk.

0:22:120:22:13

Come on, then. What do you know? What do you know?

0:22:130:22:17

Right...

0:22:170:22:18

Under no circumstances am I to tell you to go into the TV room

0:22:180:22:22

at 5pm.

0:22:220:22:24

And, um, why's that?

0:22:240:22:27

# You are not alone... #

0:22:310:22:34

Jenny will be in there and you'll see her secret. Now, stop singing!

0:22:340:22:39

Thank you, Lenny! You have been such a help.

0:22:390:22:43

Yes, you have.

0:22:520:22:54

Now it's your turn, Dolly.

0:22:590:23:00

I don't see why you should have to rope me into this.

0:23:000:23:04

Because...

0:23:040:23:07

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-You want Monsieur Trubble to take you to Paris,

0:23:070:23:11

where the stars hang in the night sky like jewels.

0:23:110:23:16

And the scent of the rose blossom brings a tear to the eye.

0:23:170:23:24

Or is that the onions?

0:23:240:23:26

All right, all right! I'll do it!

0:23:260:23:29

Anything to shut you two up. PARP!

0:23:290:23:33

That was the accordion, it wasn't me.

0:23:330:23:36

Jenny Montenny's bald?!

0:23:550:23:58

Oh, this is the big one, all right!

0:23:580:23:59

Stuff the website, it's time to go public!

0:23:590:24:04

Oh!

0:24:040:24:07

Can I take this off now?

0:24:110:24:13

The back-up plan worked.

0:24:150:24:17

-This will teach her to stop snooping.

-As the French would say,

0:24:170:24:22

she is, "Dans la..." BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:24:220:24:25

That's it, put some effort into it.

0:24:260:24:29

Not so fast.

0:24:290:24:30

Your secret's out, Jenny!

0:24:300:24:32

You ratted on me?!

0:24:320:24:35

Watch my sink!

0:24:360:24:38

You'll pay for that. CLEARS THROAT

0:24:380:24:40

I have called this press conference today for two reasons...

0:24:400:24:45

Firstly, to reveal that I am

0:24:450:24:48

the world-famous internet gossip sensation Snoopergirl.

0:24:480:24:53

Oh, and secondly - my biggest scoop ever...

0:24:560:24:59

teen sensation Jenny Montenny is bald!

0:24:590:25:03

No...!

0:25:030:25:04

What?

0:25:040:25:05

Yeah. Her hair comes right off.

0:25:050:25:08

Oh!

0:25:080:25:09

Er...

0:25:090:25:11

Any second now.

0:25:110:25:12

Right off!

0:25:120:25:13

Will someone get this madwoman off me?!

0:25:130:25:16

But...

0:25:160:25:18

No, no, no! Wait! Come back!

0:25:180:25:21

I can tell you more secrets, honest!

0:25:210:25:23

At least things can't get any worse.

0:25:280:25:30

You want a bet?

0:25:300:25:31

I've come to this dump to get a piece of peace and quiet,

0:25:310:25:35

and you bring round every journalist in the country

0:25:350:25:38

so that they can watch you pull my hair?!

0:25:380:25:40

I am going to sue you and this hotel to pieces!

0:25:400:25:44

RUMBLING AND CRASHING

0:25:440:25:47

I wouldn't, if I were you.

0:25:470:25:49

Not unless you want your real secret to come out.

0:25:490:25:52

-Sorry, Jenny, they were in the wardrobe.

-Wardrobe.

0:25:520:25:55

OK, buster.

0:25:560:25:57

I hear you.

0:25:570:25:59

I won't sue.

0:25:590:26:00

But you just got yourself kicked out of my fan club, mister!

0:26:010:26:05

# Seven things I hate about you...! #

0:26:050:26:08

Ow!

0:26:080:26:10

All over the internet.

0:26:110:26:12

"Snoopergirl's stories are completely made up."

0:26:120:26:15

I guess Snoopergirl is really over.

0:26:150:26:19

So you won't be needing this any more?

0:26:190:26:21

And I'm off to Paris.

0:26:210:26:23

While I'm away, get stuck in.

0:26:230:26:27

Bon voyage!

0:26:280:26:30

You agreed to unblock the downstairs loo?

0:26:300:26:32

It was that or let her fire you, so...

0:26:320:26:34

Really? You'd do that for me?

0:26:340:26:36

Yeah.

0:26:360:26:37

Well, I guess all's well that ends well.

0:26:420:26:46

Well, except Jenny Montenny hates me and kicked me out of her fan club.

0:26:460:26:49

Never mind her, Lenny. She may have money and fame and power,

0:26:490:26:54

but you've got something she'll never have.

0:26:540:26:56

Six toes on one foot?

0:26:560:26:57

Yeah, but that's not what I meant.

0:26:570:27:00

I mean, you've got friends.

0:27:000:27:03

Aww...

0:27:030:27:05

-Come on!

-No hugs!

0:27:050:27:07

PHONE RINGS

0:27:070:27:09

Hello. Hotel Trubble.

0:27:120:27:14

# Hotel Trubble for ever

0:27:180:27:20

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck

0:27:210:27:23

# But we love it

0:27:230:27:24

# Hotel Trubble for ever

0:27:240:27:28

# We're a team Staying calm

0:27:280:27:30

# On and on So the hotel survives

0:27:300:27:33

# Trubble, Trubble

0:27:330:27:34

# Keep the hotel alive. #

0:27:340:27:36

Receptionist Sally has been revealing the secrets of the hotel's celebrity guests on her Snoopergirl blog. When top US popstar Jenny Montenny comes to stay, Dolly and Jamie join forces to prevent Sally from discovering the secret the singer is hiding.


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