Snoopergirl Hotel Trubble


Snoopergirl

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Transcript


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble. Meet Sally, our receptionist.

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-Trying to have a conversation here.

-And this is Lenny -

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a man of many talents.

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This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's fiancee.

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And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.

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Which just leaves me, Jamie. I'm the bellboy.

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know

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# We're stuck but we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

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# So the hotel survives

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# Trubble, Trubble

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# Keep the hotel alive! #

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Bored, bored, bored.

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It's a good thing I've got my secret identity to keep me sane.

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JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

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"Greetings, gossip fans, Snoopergirl here -

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"the online gossip girl whose identity remains a secret.

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"Want to hear my latest snoop?

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"Celebrity chef Gordon Blimey might be a terror in the kitchen,

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"but he can't get to sleep at night without his teddy bear, Bobo. Aww!"

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-Sally?

-What? I'm busy.

-Doing what exactly?

-Nothing.

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No surprises there, so you've got time to unblock the toilet.

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# Do I smell trubble! #

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ALL MAKE EXCUSES

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Oi, oi, oi, listen.

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I need you all to stop working and start looking at a gossip website.

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-Did you say that the right way round?

-Mr Trubble was on the blower

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-telling me there's a new gossip girl - Snoopergirl...

-Super-who?

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Snoopergirl! Brilliant. She found out Pixie's breath

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smells like pickled onions.

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Let's have a look.

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Stupid gossipy rubbish!

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Oh! I never knew!

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Oh, who'd have thought it?

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-This website is brilliant!

-All the stars have only one thing in common.

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-The vampire eyebrows.

-No, they've all stayed at Hotel Trubble.

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-You're right. They all stayed here on the same night.

-Really?

-Yeah.

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Remember when dozens of celebrities stayed here?

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-No.

-We hosted the National Academy of Film and Television Awards -

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the NAFTAs.

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One complaint at a time, please, people.

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Don't you remember that?

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Mr Trubble reckons Snoopergirl has been spying on our hotel guests.

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-Why would anyone do that?

-Cos they wanted someone to listen to them!

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-Sorry, did you say something?

-Never mind.

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We don't need anybody spying on our guests,

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not when we've got our biggest ever star guest arriving today -

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American teen sensation Jenny Montenny!

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Whoo!

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Oh, Jenny Montenny, I love that show!

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I guess my best friends were here with me the whole time.

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Hello, best friends.

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Hello, Jenny Montenny!

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I've learnt something today. Money really CAN solve everything!

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LAUGHTER

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I'm her biggest fan.

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# Jenny Montenny, you know it's true She lives in a toilet

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# And she sounds like a poo. #

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She wants a few days out of the spotlight.

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-She's chosen Hotel Trubble.

-For our outstanding customer service!

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No. After the chaos of the NAFTAs,

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this is the last place anyone would expect a celebrity to stay.

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Brilliant.

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This is our chance to prove we can take good care of our celebrities.

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If Snoopergirl doesn't muck things up.

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Miss Montenny arrives soon. I'll pack my bags.

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Is she staying in your room?

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No. Mr Trubble's taking me to Paris for my birthday.

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-Is he bringing you back as well?

-Yes.

-Wow! He must really love you.

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Which reminds me, I must practise my French.

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Monsieurs et Mesdames, le toilette ici est thwwwrrp!

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Thwwrrrrppp!

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-I'm sorry?

-The toilet needs unblocking.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

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LIQUID BUBBLES

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-Got to brush the floor.

-I'll help you.

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I want this plunger down the toilet.

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Gossip fans, Jenny Montenny better watch out,

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because Snoopergirl is seeking out her showbiz secrets. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-Is she here yet?

-Any minute now. She wants complete privacy.

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We have to make sure Snoopergirl doesn't get near her.

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Dolly, please, I've got everything completely under control.

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She won't get the better of me, tell you that.

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ALARM BLARES

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Just going to get this.

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Hello?

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ANGRY SHOUTING ON PHONE

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Yeah, sorry, what?

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Oh, no. Oh, no.

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Er...

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That was, um, Mr Trubble.

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Jenny Montenny's top-secret trip to Hotel Trubble is, um...

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-well, it's on Snoopergirl's front page.

-Oh-h!

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-He says if there's one more revelation at the hotel...

-Yeah?

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He's going to stop the leak by firing us

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and replacing us with people he can trust.

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ALL: Oh, no!

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That is bad news for you lot.

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He also said that if you don't stop Snoopergirl,

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-he's not taking you to Paris.

-What? He's just gone too far.

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We've got to put a stop to this Snoopergirl, whoever she is.

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-DING!

-Of course! Sally, can I have a word?

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Come on, this way. Come on.

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# Seven things I hate about you! #

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Hello? Am I invisible? Service!

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I want a bed of swan feathers,

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I want a bubble bath with one million bubbles, and I WILL count them.

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And I want you to stop gawping at me

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like some country bumpkin.

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I said, I want a swan-feather bed,

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I want a one-million-bubble bubble bath, and I want them NOW!

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-I know who Snoopergirl is. I've worked it out.

-Really?

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It has to be someone here,

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someone crafty with a lightning-fast mind.

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-It could only be...

-Mrs Poshington?

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# Silent night... #

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SNORING

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# Holy... #

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-No.

-No!

-There's only one person it could be.

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-You're right, Jamie, I have to come clean.

-Dolly.

-Dolly?

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Has to be. Couldn't be any of us.

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We wouldn't risk all our jobs for online fame.

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Not even you would go that far. Ha!

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-Sorry, what was it you wanted to come clean about?

-Er... Um...

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I accidentally put your underpants in a hot wash and shrunk them.

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That explains that one.

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I need to keep an eye on Dolly.

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-Get proof it's her.

-Yeah.

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So be sure to let me know anything suspicious.

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I know I can trust you.

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Yeah, you're such a good judge of character!

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Phew, that was close.

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At least my secret's still safe.

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-Oh, Sally!

-Ow!

-Ooh, you all right?

-Mm-hm.

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I'll hunt Snoopergirl before she ruins things.

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It's someone in the hotel, someone devious with the cunning of a snake.

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-It can only be...

-Mrs Poshington?

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# ..Shepherds quake... #

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-No! I reckon it's Jamie.

-Jamie?!

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He's always coming up with schemes to get the hotel noticed.

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I know what you're thinking.

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He can't be Snoopergirl because he's not a girl.

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Making it the perfect alibi!

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Oh, thank you so much, Sally. You've been such a big help.

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Brilliant. If they're watching each other,

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they'll never catch the real Snoopergirl. Ha-ha!

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Right, that's the last of your bags.

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-At least, I really hope so.

-Careful with my kitchen sink.

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-Worth more than you earn in a year.

-Do you like what I've done?

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-Made it special.

-Never mind that. Where are my surprise presents?

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-I didn't know we had to get them.

-Not a surprise otherwise, dummy!

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-Unplug my phone. I don't want anyone contacting me.

-OK.

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Coo-ee, Mrs Montenny! On behalf of the management,

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I would like to present these glorious flowers.

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You shouldn't have!

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Give me the flowers!

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What are you doing, Jamie?

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Where is it? Somewhere maybe in here. Got to just keep checking. Ah!

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-There you go. Completely safe.

-You really shouldn't have.

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I'm trying to get some quiet here. Get out my face!

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You! Lanky! Block up my keyhole, so no-one can spy through it.

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Here's some chewing gum. Get chewing.

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And you, draw the curtains.

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-Pencil or watercolour?

-Ooh, em...

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-No, just do it! There could be cameras anywhere.

-Yeah, sure.

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Excuse me.

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What are you... What are you doing?

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I'm trying to make sure there's nothing...

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There isn't anything beneath the curtains.

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Why? You completely...

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-There's nothing in them.

-I'm trying...

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-That's it. Out!

-Quite right. You want to be alone. So off you go, Dolly.

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-I'm not leaving YOU alone with her.

-I'm not leaving YOU alone with her.

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Both of you get out of here before I get you strapped to a space rocket.

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I am trying to get some peace and quiet

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and I want that NOW!

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CRASHING

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DOOR SLAM ECHOES

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I got my finger stuck.

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Right!

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DOING!

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Now, bring me my surprise presents!

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DOING DOING!

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No problem.

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And they better be good!

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Ow!

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Psst!

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It's Dolly.

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No. You're definitely Jamie.

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No, I mean, Dolly is Snoopergirl. I'm convinced.

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What are you doing in here, then? Shouldn't you keep an eye on her?

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She won't see me coming.

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-Hello, Jamie.

-Hello, Dolly.

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Gah!

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Look at him, sneaking around.

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Jamie's Snoopergirl. He's got to be.

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Well, what are you doing here, then? Shouldn't you keep an eye on him?

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You're right.

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Not a moment to lose!

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He'll never see me coming.

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They'll never see me coming. Time to get snoopin'!

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HE SNIFFS

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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Hey!

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Teddy!

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Argh!

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BANGING AND CRASHING

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Snoopergirl!

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HE KNOCKS

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There's chocolates.

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Ooh!

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ZOOM!

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Hey! Not another one!

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ZOOM! ZOOM!

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Snoopergirl!

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BOTH: I knew it! You're Snoopergirl!

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-It is so you! Sneaking into a room?

-I just saw you climb through window!

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-Yeah, so I could catch Snoopergirl red-handed.

-Me too!

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Good!

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So, if it's not me...

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and it's not you...

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then who is it?

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Hang on...

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What do you want?!

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Can you hear what I'm trying to say?

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..Had enough of you...

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SHE WHISTLES

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-Ssh!

-Oh, sorry! Sorry!

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-Oh, Sally!

-Are you all right?

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BOTH: Of course!

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BOTH: It's Mrs Poshington!

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# ..Sleep in heavenly peace... #

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BOTH: No. It's Sally!

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-DOOR OPENS

-Hide!

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-Move over!

-You're on my foot!

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Those are the worst surprise presents ever.

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I wanted something special, something unique.

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Something that's all about me.

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ECHOING: Me!

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I know, Miss Montenny, which is why I got you something special.

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Something that you'll really love.

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Whay-hey!

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Now all your pictures can be in the spotlight like they ought to be.

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Ah!

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Turn it off, you idiot.

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Oh, of course, yeah. Silly me.

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You want to be in the spotlight yourself! Whaaaaay!

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No, don't! It's too bright! Oh! Stop!

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Wow.

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Look at your face.

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It's more wrinkly than one of those...

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little wrinkly dogs.

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You know, the ones that are really wrinkly and run around...

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Watch it, buster! I may be 65, but I still know kung fu!

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You're 65?

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I need so much make-up, if I turn my head too fast, my face flies off!

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If my secret gets out, I'll be ruined.

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But I'll take down whoever blows the whistle on me.

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You get me?

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Well, now you know, you can come down to the laundry room

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-and help iron my wrinkles.

-Oh, brilliant!

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Did you hear that?!

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Jenny Montenny is 65!

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ALARM SOUNDS

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We can't let Sally find out, all right?

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-If it gets on Snoopergirl website, Mr Trubble will fire us!

-And?

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-And Mr Trubble won't take you to Paris.

-Sacre bleu!

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-I'll get him to fire Sally at once.

-No!

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You can't! She's got really pretty eyes!

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-What?! I didn't know you cared about her so much!

-Yeah!

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I mean, no.

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I mean, when you say "care"... obviously I like her...

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I mean, not LIKE like...

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Don't get me wrong, she's a valuable member of staff.

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All righty. As long as you do something to stop her.

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-Thank you.

-And then you go downstairs and unblock the toilets.

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Or shall I call Mr Trubble?

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Unblocked toilet it is.

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But first, to stop Sally snooping,

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I'll appeal to her better nature.

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And when that doesn't work?

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I'll just have to rely on my back-up plan. Don't worry.

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Argh!

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ALARM SOUNDS

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Jamie! Don't do that!

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-I've had enough injuries today already!

-How did you get those?

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I, um... Cos I was... Blew my nose really hard.

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Don't give me that, Sally!

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Or should I say...Snoopergirl?

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-Don't know what you're talking about.

-No?

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Then what's this?

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My coat.

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This...

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This! That's not what I meant. This is not what I meant.

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What is...

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How is this even possible?

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What?

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Ah!

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This!

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Look, the game is up, Sally.

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You've got to stop snooping around or you're going to get fired.

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It's not like you'd miss me anyway!

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No-one ever listens to me!

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But they listen to Snoopergirl.

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Sally!

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-Of course we'd miss you if you weren't here!

-Really?

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Yeah!

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You're the only one who knows how to work the till properly. Sally.

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Promise me you'll give up being Snoopergirl and I'll promise

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-we'll pay you more attention. How's that?

-If you really miss me...

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No hugs.

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OK, cool. It's a deal.

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No more Snoopergirl.

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Just as well you didn't find out Jenny's secret. It's a whopper.

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Actually, you're the only person in the hotel who doesn't know about it.

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Huh! Weird!

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OK, so she's got a big secret.

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So what? I don't need to know it.

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I can give up being Snoopergirl any time I like.

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Oh, can you, Sally?

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Snoopergirl, I can resist your evil, gossiping powers!

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Oh, come on. It's just one more.

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SHE WHIMPERS

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Oh...OK!

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OK, just one more.

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But how are we going to find out what the secret is?

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Jamie's not going to tell us.

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Well, don't ask Jamie. "Everyone knows", he says.

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(Lenny.)

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Ha ha ha!

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Now, my precious...

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"Yours sincerely..."

0:21:280:21:30

"Life President of the Jenny Montenny Fan Club,

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"Lenny."

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"Kiss kiss."

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Hiya, Sally.

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Jenny has made me president of her fan club

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in return for not telling anyone what her big secret is.

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Oops.

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I knew it.

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-Come on, Lenny! Spill the beans, spill the beans!

-No.

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I'm not telling on Jenny! Not ever.

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Well, you leave me no choice.

0:21:560:21:59

Oh, no, please.

0:21:590:22:01

Anything but that!

0:22:010:22:02

-SINGS BADLY

-# Another day has gone!

0:22:050:22:08

# I'm still alone... #

0:22:080:22:12

All right! I'll talk.

0:22:120:22:13

Come on, then. What do you know? What do you know?

0:22:130:22:17

Right...

0:22:170:22:18

Under no circumstances am I to tell you to go into the TV room

0:22:180:22:22

at 5pm.

0:22:220:22:24

And, um, why's that?

0:22:240:22:27

# You are not alone... #

0:22:310:22:34

Jenny will be in there and you'll see her secret. Now, stop singing!

0:22:340:22:39

Thank you, Lenny! You have been such a help.

0:22:390:22:43

Yes, you have.

0:22:520:22:54

Now it's your turn, Dolly.

0:22:590:23:00

I don't see why you should have to rope me into this.

0:23:000:23:04

Because...

0:23:040:23:07

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-You want Monsieur Trubble to take you to Paris,

0:23:070:23:11

where the stars hang in the night sky like jewels.

0:23:110:23:16

And the scent of the rose blossom brings a tear to the eye.

0:23:170:23:24

Or is that the onions?

0:23:240:23:26

All right, all right! I'll do it!

0:23:260:23:29

Anything to shut you two up. PARP!

0:23:290:23:33

That was the accordion, it wasn't me.

0:23:330:23:36

Jenny Montenny's bald?!

0:23:550:23:58

Oh, this is the big one, all right!

0:23:580:23:59

Stuff the website, it's time to go public!

0:23:590:24:04

Oh!

0:24:040:24:07

Can I take this off now?

0:24:110:24:13

The back-up plan worked.

0:24:150:24:17

-This will teach her to stop snooping.

-As the French would say,

0:24:170:24:22

she is, "Dans la..." BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:24:220:24:25

That's it, put some effort into it.

0:24:260:24:29

Not so fast.

0:24:290:24:30

Your secret's out, Jenny!

0:24:300:24:32

You ratted on me?!

0:24:320:24:35

Watch my sink!

0:24:360:24:38

You'll pay for that. CLEARS THROAT

0:24:380:24:40

I have called this press conference today for two reasons...

0:24:400:24:45

Firstly, to reveal that I am

0:24:450:24:48

the world-famous internet gossip sensation Snoopergirl.

0:24:480:24:53

Oh, and secondly - my biggest scoop ever...

0:24:560:24:59

teen sensation Jenny Montenny is bald!

0:24:590:25:03

No...!

0:25:030:25:04

What?

0:25:040:25:05

Yeah. Her hair comes right off.

0:25:050:25:08

Oh!

0:25:080:25:09

Er...

0:25:090:25:11

Any second now.

0:25:110:25:12

Right off!

0:25:120:25:13

Will someone get this madwoman off me?!

0:25:130:25:16

But...

0:25:160:25:18

No, no, no! Wait! Come back!

0:25:180:25:21

I can tell you more secrets, honest!

0:25:210:25:23

At least things can't get any worse.

0:25:280:25:30

You want a bet?

0:25:300:25:31

I've come to this dump to get a piece of peace and quiet,

0:25:310:25:35

and you bring round every journalist in the country

0:25:350:25:38

so that they can watch you pull my hair?!

0:25:380:25:40

I am going to sue you and this hotel to pieces!

0:25:400:25:44

RUMBLING AND CRASHING

0:25:440:25:47

I wouldn't, if I were you.

0:25:470:25:49

Not unless you want your real secret to come out.

0:25:490:25:52

-Sorry, Jenny, they were in the wardrobe.

-Wardrobe.

0:25:520:25:55

OK, buster.

0:25:560:25:57

I hear you.

0:25:570:25:59

I won't sue.

0:25:590:26:00

But you just got yourself kicked out of my fan club, mister!

0:26:010:26:05

# Seven things I hate about you...! #

0:26:050:26:08

Ow!

0:26:080:26:10

All over the internet.

0:26:110:26:12

"Snoopergirl's stories are completely made up."

0:26:120:26:15

I guess Snoopergirl is really over.

0:26:150:26:19

So you won't be needing this any more?

0:26:190:26:21

And I'm off to Paris.

0:26:210:26:23

While I'm away, get stuck in.

0:26:230:26:27

Bon voyage!

0:26:280:26:30

You agreed to unblock the downstairs loo?

0:26:300:26:32

It was that or let her fire you, so...

0:26:320:26:34

Really? You'd do that for me?

0:26:340:26:36

Yeah.

0:26:360:26:37

Well, I guess all's well that ends well.

0:26:420:26:46

Well, except Jenny Montenny hates me and kicked me out of her fan club.

0:26:460:26:49

Never mind her, Lenny. She may have money and fame and power,

0:26:490:26:54

but you've got something she'll never have.

0:26:540:26:56

Six toes on one foot?

0:26:560:26:57

Yeah, but that's not what I meant.

0:26:570:27:00

I mean, you've got friends.

0:27:000:27:03

Aww...

0:27:030:27:05

-Come on!

-No hugs!

0:27:050:27:07

PHONE RINGS

0:27:070:27:09

Hello. Hotel Trubble.

0:27:120:27:14

# Hotel Trubble for ever

0:27:180:27:20

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck

0:27:210:27:23

# But we love it

0:27:230:27:24

# Hotel Trubble for ever

0:27:240:27:28

# We're a team Staying calm

0:27:280:27:30

# On and on So the hotel survives

0:27:300:27:33

# Trubble, Trubble

0:27:330:27:34

# Keep the hotel alive. #

0:27:340:27:36

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