A Look at the Stars Hounded

GENTLE MUSIC

But I want the prawn to sing at my party.

SNORES

DISCORDANT MUSIC

That's me - Rufus Hound.

I'm a television presenter...and every day I save the world.

Ah!

See him? Well, this ugly dipstick is the evil Dr Muhaha...

It's pronounced "Muhahaha".

...and his geeky sidekick, Steve.

Shall I?

Every day he comes up with some new plan to conquer us,

and every day I stop him.

What? Someone's got to do it. And that's not the half of it.

If, at the end of the day, I have beaten him, well,

he just hits rewind, and the whole day goes back to the beginning.

FAST REWIND

GENTLE MUSIC

DISCORDANT MUSIC Not again!

Whoa!

Right, off to my first day at work...

again.

So, you'd think I'd know exactly what's going to happen.

Morning.

Unfortunately, it's not always that simple,

because Dr Mu's always coming up with a new plan.

Luckily, whatever world I'm in, these two always turn up to help.

The only thing is, I never know what they're going to look like.

Last, but by no means least, is this good-looking chap.

That's me, from years ahead in the future.

Future Rufus likes to think he's helping,

but sometimes I'm not so sure it's not his fault I'm in this mess.

So that's it, in a nutshell.

You never know, maybe one day I'll wake up, and it'll be tomorrow.

BIRD CAWS

Or, at the very least, I'll remember about that bird.

OINKING

Everybody relax - I'm here.

Oh, it's the new guy! Hi there, I'm Gill.

Hiya, I'm Barry.

That's odd - have I met you before?

Yeah, in a previous life. I was a horse, you were a dung beetle.

-Good times. Good times.

-Well, come on then,

we haven't got all day.

-Oh, this is nice.

-Mmm.

Pass the sun cream, would you, darling?

What's going on?

-SHE SHIVERS

-I'm freezing.

MUSIC: "In The Hall Of The Mountain King" from Peer Gynt by Edvard Grieg

Where's the sun gone?!

-ELECTRONIC VOICE:

-Wormhole active.

-HE LAUGHS EVILLY

-'Captured sun moved to Mu Quadrant 4.'

Yes!

HE LAUGHS

-What are you doing?

-Oh!

What are you doing, sneaking up on me like that?

-That's Mu Quadrant 4.

-No, it's not.

-Yes, it is.

-No, it's not.

-Yes, it is.

-No, it is not.

-No, it's not.

-Yes, it...

All right, you got me.

It's usually empty.

-Where did all those stars come from?

-You noticed.

HE LAUGHS

-DIRECTOR:

-30 seconds to show time.

So what's this experiment?

Well, it's basically testing whether the awesome power of the sun

can power a small spaceship.

Will it work, or will the crew just get bad sunburn?

-Now, all you have to do...

-<

-Ten seconds.

-Don't worry, you'll be fine.

-But what if I...?

-Do not worry, you'll be fine.

-Five...four...three...

..on air.

Hello and welcome to FunLab.

The show that puts the fizz into physics,

the mystery into chemistry

and the "Oh, gee!" into biology.

And kicking off today's experiment is brand-new presenter Rudy Hound.

We're going to be looking at solar power with the help...

'And just as I'm getting going, my meddling future self

'turns up to ruin my day.'

'But can a ship like this harness the power of the sun, or...'

am I just going to explode again?

Oh, bum! Argh!

Rudolf?

Sorry, we have a technical hitch. FunLab will resume shortly.

'So now I'm off to meet my future self so he can send me

'on some harebrained mission.'

All right there?

Here you go - a tin of cat food...

and a packet of mints.

But be careful, they're stronger than you think.

But they do give you minty-cool breath.

You're stealing stars from their rightful places in the galaxy

because an old school friend - sorry, enemy - Dr Wu, dared you to?

That's right.

I'm sucking stars into Mu Quadrant 4 through a wormhole.

I've got 1 billion, trillion, zillion and two stars,

but I'm having real trouble getting the last one -

that rather big star the Earth revolves around.

You're not trying to get the sun?

Yes, that's it.

I need that one most of all.

Dr Wu doesn't have one anywhere near as impressive.

You can't go pinching suns from their planets.

-Without suns, the planets will die.

-Oh.

Do you really want a multiverse of dead planets?

I'll put them all back once I show Dr Wu.

Are you crossing your fingers?

No.

I don't understand why you care what Dr Wu thinks.

After all, he's got his own multiverse.

More planets, bigger quadrants...

Yes, yes, thank you, Steve.

..a much, much better spaceship.

Ha! His spaceship isn't all that!

He's not the least bit interested in your territory.

That's not the point, Steve.

Ever since evil school,

Dr Wu always thought he was better than me.

Just because he was younger, better-looking

and came top of the class in his evil exams.

He's even been on the cover of Evil Monthly a dozen times

and he never lets me forget it.

Mu-ha-ha-ha...

But this time,

I'm going to prove I'm better than him.

I'm going to get the sun.

Mu-ha-ha-ha! For once, Dr Wu will eat his words.

Mu-meister!

Ah, Dr Wu, this is unexpected.

You're not cancelling your visit, I hope?

Oh, no, I wanted to tell you

that someone has made the cover of Evil Monthly...

...again.

Booyah.

Booyah.

It's only my 13th cover. Hmm.

Number 13 - it's unlucky for some.

Laters.

Laters!

Help me get the sun.

Now.

Welcome back, Captain Kramer.

I'm sorry to cut your holiday short, but this is an emergency.

I'm not Captain Kramer - my name's Rufus.

Did something happen to you on holiday?

I'm not Captain Kramer. My name is Rufus Hound, from the telly.

This really is no time for jokes, sir.

MUSIC: "Star Trek theme"

Oh, no...

-Welcome back, Captain Kramer.

-Hello.

PFFT!

So, Captain, about that little problem.

Absolutely ginormous problem.

If you could please explain to the Captain, Officer Gelina.

Right, Buck.

We've got stars going missing left, right and centre out there, Captain.

The three suns that revolve around the Planet Cosmo

are the latest casualties.

I've worked out they're disappearing through a wormhole.

We're trying to save as many stars as possible,

but in the meantime, I can barely get any energy from our solar panels.

We're losing power, Captain.

Sorry, this ship is solar-powered?! Ha-ha!

(I think the Captain is suffering from a bout of...spacelag,

(but it'll pass.)

-Oh, Mu!

-Your ship is trespassing

in Muhahaha air space. I suggest you leave.

This is your only warning.

If you fail to comply, you will be obliterated.

Mu-ha-ha-ha!

Mu-ha-ha-ha!

Steve, Steve! Which button is it again?

Mu-ha-ha-ha!

I should have known.

Well, that's who's responsible for your disappearing stars.

According to my calculations, the sun closest to Planet Earth is next.

What shall we do, Captain?

The only thing we can do.

BOTH: Panic?

No, we're going to stop him.

And some breaking news. We're receiving reports

that the sun appears to be moving away from the Earth.

As a result, it's getting a bit nippy out.

All right, listen up.

Our objectives are to A, save the sun, which, may I remind you,

is the only source of power left for this ship, and B, somehow find

a way of getting all the other stars back to where they belong.

I know.

We could build a massive...catapult...

then we could fire a mini-asteroid into the wormhole,

which would cause a massive explosion and force the stars out.

Poogh!

Yeah...

Not really sure about the whole "massive catapult" idea,

but thanks for trying, Number 3.

Excuse me, sir.

I think I have an idea.

I'm listening.

Captain, let me present to you the wormhole warp capacitor,

otherwise known as...Bob.

-Nice Bob.

-Oh, thanks.

The idea is that Bob will act like an enormous vacuum cleaner,

sucking the stars out from wherever Mu has stashed them

and then shooting them back to their rightful places in the galaxy.

If Mu tries to interfere, I have programmed Bob to beam off the ship.

That is amazing!

Thank you, sir. I am the technical officer,

it's kind of my job.

Let's turn it on.

That's the problem. It's not working and I can't figure out why.

Don't you just hate this flat-pack stuff?

Even when you read the instructions clearly,

there is always some crucial little piece missing.

Hang on - flat-pack? You said you built it yourself.

I did, sir. It's a flat-pack machine I ordered off the intergalactic net.

Well, there's definitely a piece missing.

All right, that is literally what she just said.

So, this gap on the front...

I think we are looking for a small metal ring with two holes.

I need it to connect the electrodes.

Our power is fading. We haven't got much time, Captain.

Right, well, there must be something we can improvise with.

Get looking.

We've just had confirmation

that if the sun moves much further away, the results...

will be catastrophic.

I want my mummy.

Come on, think.

Think! A small metal ring...

A small metal...

ALARM

The sun is going to disappear into the wormhole in 60 seconds.

-59, 58, 57...

-What should we do, Captain?

Well, I suppose that white coat will have to do.

Dr Mu! Good news.

I'm on my way.

Really? That's rather earlier than expected.

Anyone would think you were trying to catch me out, somehow, Dr Wu.

Of course not, Dr Mu.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

20, 19,

18,

-17, 16, 15...

-We're too late!

...14...

(ECHOING) 'A tin of cat food, cat food,'

cat food...a tin of cat food.

Small...metal...ring.

Doh!

'Hi, I'm Bob.

'How can I help you today?'

Well, when you get here, I've got a real treat for you.

I've got the sun.

Ha-ha-ha... What?

Not the sun the Planet Earth revolves around?

Mmm. The very same.

I'll believe it when I see it.

Indeed you will.

(WHISPERS)

Um, could you excuse me for just a moment?

-Is there a problem?

-Goodbye!

What the blazes...?! How can this be?

'Stars now emptying from Mu Quadrant 4.'

ALARM

Rufus Hound.

I want him here and I want him here right now.

Argh!

Oh, come on! Oh, yeah!

Oh, my word, that was all you - you're amazing!

Oh, sir, you were wonderful.

This was all you - how did you even know this existed?

(SCOTTISH ACCENT) So, what on Earth is going on?

And who are you?

I don't suppose you'd believe Captain Kramer?

No.

Got 'im.

Beaming in 5, 4...

'Initiating teleportation sequence.'

Mu must be beaming us up. Bob, activate.

Mu-ha-ha-ha!

So, we meet again, Mr Hound...

and...Mr Hound?

Did you know he had a brother?

Double trouble.

Mu-ha-ha-ha!

What's this dude's problem?

This pod may look like glass,

but this isn't just glass...

# MARKS & SPENCER ADVERT MUSIC

...it's super-reinforced, elephant stampede-tested,

impossible-to-beam-out-of glass,

and it's resistant to everything... except cold.

I demand that you release us immediately, Dr Mumu.

Be quiet, Rufus Hound's brother.

BOTH: I'm not his brother!

Silence! You are in my domain now.

As I speak, my assistant, Steve, is putting all the stars

back into my very own Mu Quadrant 4,

so your quest has been fruitless.

Tell me, how did you swipe those stars?

As long as there is breath in my body, I will never tell you

about the wormhole warp capacitor I used to defeat you!

-Ah.

-Oops.

Yeah, well done, tell Dr Muhu exactly how we did it.

It's Muhahaha - it's not that hard!

Sorry.

Are you going to tell me the location of this warp capacitor?

Never!

Very well. When the sands of this egg timer run out,

the smell of a million Brussels sprouts

will be released into the pod. Mu-ha-ha-ha!

-You are evil.

-Yes, I like to think so.

Mu-ha-ha-ha!

Well, I really must dash.

I'm off to make Dr Wu jealous,

conquer the Earth and then have my tea.

That's not fair.

-I'm starving!

-Mu-ha-ha-ha!

I've got these if you want them.

Super-strong mints?

Um, no, that's OK.

All the stars are back in Mu Quadrant 4.

Where's the sun?

I've got a lock on it. It should be there any minute now.

Well done, Steve!

Hm!

I'm going to wipe Dr Wu's evil grin

off his...evil face.

Dr Mu, I have a bad feeling about all of this.

Don't be ridiculous, Steve.

It'll be fine. Come on, high-five.

You're no fun.

I don't think that's going to work.

My travel toolkit's never let me down.

It's not exactly space-age, is it?

Haven't you got a laser zapper or something?

What are you doing?!

Sorry.

I hate to say this, Captain,

but I feel we may have to accept our sprouty fate.

According to Dr Mu, this pod is resistant

to everything but extreme cold.

Our chances of escape are slim.

Oh, oh, that's cold...

And with that in mind, Officer Gelina and I would like to say...

Oh! That's so strong!

...what an honour it's been serving under you, Captain.

Oh! Oh! Ooh!

By the great galactic gods!

That is some mint!

-Where did you get those?

-MUMBLES

Right,

the sun will be in Mu Quadrant 4 in precisely...

45 seconds.

And Dr Wu is almost here.

So, you see, Steve, there's nothing to worry about -

everything has gone to plan.

And there's no way that pesky Rufus Hound can ruin things now.

ALARM

Ah.

Well, it looks like this is goodbye, Rufus Hound.

Goodbye, Captain Kramer.

Are you sure you're OK to do this?

Yeah, let's get these stars back where they belong.

-OK. I programmed Bob...

-Who's Bob?

-The wormhole warp capacitor.

-As I was saying,

I've programmed Bob to beam off the ship in the event of an emergency.

You're going to have to reactivate Bob

and press the "close wormhole" button.

That way, we can stop

evil Dr Mumu's evil star-stealing antics for good.

Got it?

Not really, no.

Don't worry - I've written it all down for you.

Take this. Here are the instructions and co-ordinates for Bob's location.

I'll take that.

Now!

Oh! Ow!

Take care, Rufus.

Oh, just leave already.

Me-me-me-me-me.

Right, this isn't over.

Engage.

And so my quest begins to find Bob.

Now where is...? Oh, there it is.

Come on, come on.

He'll be here any moment.

-Mu!

-Wu!

-CHUCKLES

-Er, welcome.

So, er, you reckon you've got the sun, then?

I-I do indeed...reckon.

I bet you haven't.

I bet I have.

Hmm, so, let's see the sun and all these stolen stars then, matey.

Of course, let's get on with it, shall we?

After all, we're both busy men.

Oh, yes, planets to terrorise, people to torture...

Steve, show Dr Wu Mu Quadrant 4.

'Welcome, you have activated the wormhole warp capacitor.

'Please make your selection from the following list.

'A: Destroy the universe.

'B: Have yourself blasted to atoms.

'C: Restore stars and close Dr Mu's wormhole permanently.'

C!

'You have selected D: Some light music.'

MUSIC RICK ASTLEY: "Never Gonna Give You Up" No, C.

C! No, C.

-(MUSIC STOPS)

-'You have already made your selection.'

No I didn't.! # Never gonna give you up... #

C! # ..Never gonna let you down... #

C! # ..Never gonna.... #

SHOUTS C!

-MUSIC STOPS

-'You have selected C.

'The wormhole is now closed permanently. Thank you.'

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

But... I don't understand. Steve?

Is that it?!

CHORTLES

OK, OK,

you double-dared me, so now I-I double-dare you.

You can't double-dare me. You can only double-dare

if you've done the dare and won,

but you've done the dare and lost, so you've lost, man!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-Ha-ha-ha-ha.

For a minute I almost believed you when you said you had the sun. The sun!

But...I-I did have it!

And to think I was going to get you a mention in the Evil Monthly.

Were you?

Yes, if you'd pulled it off!

Ha-ha-ha! Oh, oh, you've given me a really good laugh today.

-CHANTS

-Dr Mu's a loser, Dr Mu's a loser,

Dr Mu's a loser, Dr Mu's a loser!

Argh!

TUTS

SNIFFS

Uh-uh, I'm not crying.

-Your eyes have gone all...

-I've just got a sore eye, OK?

JERRY GOLDSMITH: "Star Trek: The Motion Picture - Main Title"

Turns out that Rufus guy wasn't just a pretty face.

Ha-ha-ha.

Number 3?

-Take us home.

-Aye-aye, Captain.

ELECTRONIC DISCO BEAT

It's not so bad, Dr Mu.

You could always rewind the day and try again...

again.

All right.

88th time lucky.

CHORTLES EVILLY

ZAP

-Booyah...

-Booyah...

I'm not his brother...

Hi, I'm Bob.

What's going on?

Everybody relax, I'm here.

Oh, well, I'm definitely going to beat him tomorrow.

Or is that today?

# Bye-bye starlight, hello midnight

# Lights out, boogle-oo-doo

# Oi! Muhahaha, Muha

# Oi! Muhahaha ha

# Oi! Muhahaha Muha, oi! #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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