Mu Pizza Hounded

That mouse is wearing my moon boots!

DISCORDANT MUSIC

'That's me - Rufus Hound.

'I'm a television presenter

'and every day I save the world.'

See him?

This ugly dipstick is the evil Dr Muhaha.

It's pronounced "Muhahaha".

'...and his geeky sidekick, Steve.'

Shall I?

Every day he comes up with some new plan to conquer us,

and every day I stop him.

What? Someone's got to do it.

And that's not the half of it.

If at the end of the day I have beaten him, well,

he just hits rewind and the whole day goes back to the beginning.

DISCORDANT MUSIC Not again!

'Right, off to my first day at work

'again.'

So, you'd think I'd know exactly what's going to happen.

Morning.

Unfortunately, it's not always that simple,

because Dr Mu's always coming up with a new plan.

Luckily, whatever world I'm in, these two always turn up to help.

The only thing is, I never know what they're going to look like.

Last, but by no means least, there's this good-looking chap.

That's me, from years ahead in the future.

Future Rufus likes to think he's helping,

but sometimes I'm not so sure it's not his fault I'm in this mess.

So that's it, in a nutshell.

You never know, maybe one day I'll wake up, and it'll be tomorrow.

BIRD CAWS

Or, at the very least, I'll remember about that bird.

OINKING

Everybody relax - I'm here.

Oh, it's the new guy! Hi there, I'm Gill.

Hiya, I'm Barry.

That's odd. Have I met you before?

If we had, I would know that your birthday is June 23rd

and I don't, so, no.

Well, come on, then. We haven't got all day.

Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...

# Theme from "Star Wars"

Princess Gelina, you are now being captured by Mu Force 1.

Please keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times.

MUSIC STOPS

MAN: Hang on! What's happened to the music?

Don't worry about it, Gary, just keep firing, mate. Just get her.

-Peoow! Peoow!

-Don't make the noises, Paul.

-Just get on with it, yeah?

-Sorry.

Quick! Go on, get her! Come on, lads. Go for it! Get her! Go on, get her.

Your package is accepted.

Dr Mu's coming. Someone get the music back on, quick.

Oh, no, look careful, lads, he looks angry...as usual.

Here, what do you do your hair up like that for, then?

Where are the plans?

I mean, do I have to do everything around here?

No, boss, sorry.

-What do I employ you people for?

-Don't know, boss.

Flying 15 Mu quadrants after some stolen plans, only to find

they are not on this ship.

Now, Princess Gelina...

-What?

-Not thinking of escaping, were you?

Dr Moo-ha-ha.

It's pronounced Muhahaha.

You will do well to remember that.

Whatever.

Take her away.

Get off my cloak.

30 seconds to show time.

-OK...

-So, how does this experiment work?

It's basically to see if this new pizza delivery service really works.

Sounds amazing. It's meant to deliver through your telly.

-Just imagine.

-So how does it do that?

-Well, we've...

-10 seconds.

Don't worry, it's hardly rocket science.

You'd be surprised.

-Good luck.

-And in 5, 4, 3...

Doo-be-doo...

...on air.

Hello, and welcome to FunLab.

The show that puts the "fizz" into physics.

The "mystery" into chemistry.

And the "Oh, gee" into biology.

Kicking off today's experiment is brand-new presenter, Rhydian Hound.

Yes, today we're looking at a brand-new pizza delivery system,

where the pizza arrives...

'And just as I'm getting going,

'my meddling future self turns up to ruin my day.'

...if you gorge on Gorgonzola then all you need to do is...um...

press the red button...

Wah!

Rudolf?

Due to a technical hitch, FunLab will resume shortly.

DR MUHAHAHA LAUGHS

Ah, the beauty of an infinite universe.

Everything exists... if you look hard enough.

Even your planet, Princess Gelina.

Cheese mountains, giant tomatoes

with oceans full of anchovies.

Only you could discover a world like that

and turn it into a giant pizza factory.

Yes, only I.

Hang on, what exactly is the plan here?

You're not going to invade the Earth using pizza, are you?

Why not?

Well, it's just... a totally rubbish idea, isn't it?

A totally rubbish idea?!

This is the most elaborate and cunningly thought out plan

since I hired the pan-dimensional sock rustlers

to steal the socks of every member of the England football team

the night of that World Cup qualifier against Belarus.

I nearly brought the Football Association to their knees.

"Nearly" being the key word there.

Anyway. Thanks to your planet's ingredients, I have built up

the biggest pizza chain in the nine quadrants of the multiverse.

And, on the dark side of your moon...

Oh, I know what you've been building.

A giant pizza-shaped starship, capable of destroying whole planets.

-Yes.

-The Death Pizza.

Hello! I stole the plans, remember?

What Death Pizza?

No matter. It has begun.

Soon, I'll be flooding the Earth with unlimited free Mu Pizzas.

Then, when the Earthlings' greed has become so full

that they can take no more, I shall unleash

The Death Pizza.

What is the Death Pizza? And how come I've never heard of it?

It sounds like quite a big thing.

You never thought to mention it?! She's heard of the Death Pizza,

and she's leading a band of rebels against you.

How come I don't know about the Death Pizza?

You two so need to communicate better.

Well?!

I thought you'd laugh at the pizza idea.

Do I look like I'm laughing at the pizza idea?

No.

And so, in a few hours, just after tea time, I, or my new Death Pizza,

will pay the Earth a little visit.

And I will unite the multiverse at last.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

'So, now I'm off to meet my future self

'so he can send me on some hare-brained mission.'

Waaa!

Here you are. I'm back from the future.

Thanks. I'm starving. I don't know if you've noticed...

-I had noticed. That's why I'm here.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Cos...

-You're me from the future.

Now, listen very carefully. As you can see,

a chilli is not an ingredient of the Four Seasons pizza.

What?

Keep this chilli handy.

Chilli? Yuck.

-You must be joking.

-You'll see if I'm joking.

Now, hand me that pizza back.

-You want to start eating more healthily.

-You can talk!

Yes, I can. I'm you, remember? Bye-bye.

I hate it when he does that.

When I do that?

I'm so irritating!

Waaa!

Actually, I hope Rufus Hound beats you this time.

ALARM BLARES

Ha! What did I tell you?

Rufus Hound is on Gelina's home planet and your pathetic plan

has gone wrong already.

Right, I've had enough of this lip.

You're on a warning.

-What do you mean, I'm on a warning?

-I mean, I'm warning you.

You can't put me on a warning. You're not my dad.

Steve! One more snide remark and I'll be stuffing you

into a 12-inch crust and sending you to the planet of Calzone.

-And anyway, I might be your dad.

-Are you my dad?

-No.

-Good!

Hello, when you two have finished, can we talk about letting me go?

Who said anything about letting you go?

You're so not going to get away with this. My people will rise up.

They're not going to make your stupid pizza for ever.

Oh, I think they will, Your Stroppiness.

You see, your little friend Buck is at this moment

being pursued by my men across the land of Pizzeria.

He, too, will soon be my prisoner and your silly little rebellion

will be defeated, so if I were you, I'd keep your trap shut.

The Mu Pizza revolution... is coming.

HE CACKLES

PIZZA OVEN: Your pizza oven is now operational.

Unlimited free pizza for all the Earth.

Eat as much as you dare.

Muhahaha!

# Theme Music to "The Magnificent Seven"

Beep! Beep!

Lunch!

You've got to help us, Buck. You are, like, so our last hope.

You've got to help us, Buck.

You are, like, so our last hope.

Who's Buck?

Run!

What happened? Where's Rudolf? He was just standing by the telly.

Where did this pizza come from?

-Never mind that, where's Rudolf?

-Probably just ran off set.

He didn't have time.

Where do you think he is, then?

Maybe he's been sucked through the telly,

back up through the pizza pipes.

Yeah.

Maybe he went to get a cup of tea.

In the middle of the show? I don't think so.

He's probably been made into a million pieces of pizza by now.

I'm telling you, I knew there was something dodgy

about this Mu Pizza idea.

Oh, come on, Gill, it's a bit unlikely, don't you think?

He's probably just in the loo.

Great! It's broken! Free pizza! Anyone want one?

Global chaos as free pizzas

have been shooting out of TV sets all over the world.

I'm here in India and this really is a global crisis.

The whole subcontinent is in shock at what we're seeing here.

The pizzas are coming out of the television. It's amazing.

Press five, you get ham and pineapple.

It's really scary, the thought of pizza coming out of the TV.

-What's the biggest pizza you can eat?

-About this big.

-Large.

-Enormous.

-Oh...

-Er...

The whole Earth is just going to be one big fat lump of fat.

-Even a bad pizza tastes really good.

-Yeah, the thicker the base.

I think pizzas are definitely coming from outer space somewhere.

Could be aliens.

I'm not quite sure.

I don't care where they come from, as long as they taste good.

In London, the summit meeting between the British, American

and Chinese government has been called off since delegates

went on a massive pizza binge.

The Prime Minister was due to declare a national emergency at 4pm,

but he, too, failed to make it.

Sources said he was too full up.

Hear that? I told you, there's something wrong with these pizzas.

Something's going on, I'm telling you.

What?

Sorry, I wasn't watching.

-Do you want this last piece?

-No.

Thanks.

DR MUHAHAHA: Keith! Oh, where's Keith?

-Keith.

-Yes, Dr Mu.

What can I do to help you?

I want you to stand guard over Princess Grumpelstiltskin here.

-Affirmative, Dr Mu.

-While Steve and I prepare to activate

the Death Pizza.

Right, affirmative, Dr Mu.

What if she tries to escape?

Oh, for goodness sake!

Are you a lethal robot assassin or a carbon-titanium doughnut?

Oh, lethal robot assassin. Affirmative, Dr Mu.

Good! To the Death Pizza.

-Do we have to?

-Yes.

I want to check my toppings one last time.

-Farewell, Princess.

-HE LAUGHS EVILLY

-Right.

-OK. Lethal robot assassin.

I'm scary!

I am scary! She'll be so scared of me because I'm so lethal

and frightening!

Oh... Er... CLUNKING

Er...would you like a cup o' tea?

I don't do caffeine. Get me a peppermint tea instead.

Oh, right, OK. I'll go and get that for you.

Just stay right there, I'll be right back. Bye!

CLUNKING FOOTSTEPS

OK, men. Let's go on searching Quadrant B.

-Is there a toilet in Quadrant B?

-They're leaving.

I think it's about time you explain what's going on here.

OK, listen.

Two years ago, Dr Muhahaha invaded our planet.

He's using our natural resources to fuel his intergalactic pizza empire

and he's enslaved the entire population to make them for him.

-Why?

-So he can conquer the last remaining planet in the multiverse,

a tiny, insignificant place called Earth.

Yeah, not that insignificant.

He sends the free pizzas we make out to all of Earth's people.

His plan is to wait until everyone is too full up to move,

then he can unleash his new secret weapon - the Death Pizza.

Princess Gelina and I have been leading the resistance.

We have to stop him before the Death Pizza arrives on Earth.

What's the plan?

We rescue Princess Gelina and sabotage the Death Pizza.

Oh! If only I'd have known it was that simple.

-Give us a cuddle, then.

-I'm sorry?

Just come here.

-Is my special weapon ready?

-In position, Doctor.

Let's show those poor people on Earth who's boss.

Steve, show me my masterpiece.

-Docking sequence initiated.

-HE LAUGHS EVILLY

-Docking complete.

-Look at that!

Initiating jump to hyperspace.

It's my Death Pizza, so I'm going to press the button.

Now, where is it? Mmm?

-Is it this one?

-HONKING

Oh... The blue one?

-FLUSHING

-OK, OK! I've got it.

Yes! Yes!

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

CLATTERING

Whoa! Steve, a bit of warning next time!

Across the world, governments and the military have been reacting

to the appearance of an unidentified and apparently alien spaceship

in the shape of a giant pizza.

That's the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was built in 1932.

Hang on, what's that in the sky?!

Oh, my... Oh, my word!

I don't believe what I'm looking at. I'll zoom in for a better look.

It's like some huge pizza-shaped death ship of some sort.

WOMAN: Oh my gosh! Look at that thing! It's so big!

Look at it! It's like a giant pizza or something.

-That reminds me, I'm hungry.

-Hey, I'm hungry too.

Reports are suggesting there may be some kind of link between

the pizza-shaped spacecraft's appearance

and the fact that the world has been flooded with free pizza today.

You want a sound bite? Well, bite on this.

There's no connection between the pizzas coming out of the TVs

and the giant pizza in the sky.

That's all I've got to say on the subject.

Get that out of my face, son!

We still don't know where this spacecraft came from

or who the occupants are, or even if there are any.

No demands or threats have been made, and until we have contact,

it's simply too early to speculate on what might happen

or what these strange visitors might want.

Look!

Watch out, Mu's got one of those K-type robots.

Would you like me to leave your tea bag in?

-Yeah, whatever.

-Righto.

BOTH: Boo!

-CLANG!

-Princess Gelina! You're safe.

-What was that?

-It was like the most neurotic Teasmade ever.

I'm not coming down!

Thank goodness you're here! The Earth is in grave danger.

Oh, he's cute. Should I know him?

Do you watch much television from Earth?

-Er, no.

-Then probably not. I'm Rufus.

-Princess Gelina.

-Is this...?

Yeah, that's Earth. Muhahaha intends to invade it using pizza!

That's correct, Hound.

I wouldn't bother, if I were you.

The Death Pizza is already poised to attack.

It really is ingenious.

The Death Pizza is controlled remotely through the oven.

As you can see, it's heating up nicely.

And...here's the clever bit. I've programmed it so that when I place

my favourite pizza in the oven, the Death Pizza attacks immediately!

And just out of interest, which is your favourite pizza?

-Don't tell him. He'll only...

-It's all right.

The Four Seasons, of course. So you see,

there really is nothing you can do.

Everything has gone entirely according to plan.

The population of Earth are all... stuffed.

They won't be able to resist. Oh, care for a celebratory slice?

-This'll never work, Muhahaha.

-Let's see, shall we? Steve?

OK, well, I'm off to invade the Earth. Steve?

The Death Pizza has been activated.

Come on.

Get off!

The Earth is under attack. The giant pizza-shaped spacecraft

which appeared in orbit around the Earth earlier today

has this evening launched an unprovoked attack on mankind

using weapons our military are completely unequipped to deal with.

We are totally ill-equipped to deal with this situation.

They're coming!

Hordes of pizza-delivery scooters

with no riders have brought gridlock to our cities,

and giant dough bombs have destroyed

some of the world's most important landmarks.

Think! We've got to do something!

The chilli is not an ingredient of the Four Seasons pizza.

The chilli is not an ingredient of the Four Seasons pizza.

-Hit me.

-What?

-With your elbow. Hit me.

-DR MUHAHAHA: At last!

Harder. Harder!

Earth!

Now turn.

I've got other things to think about, like...

And lean!

Go!

It's working! ALARM RINGS

COMPUTER: Pizza topping mismatch. Pizza topping...

My pizza machine! What have you done?

Well, it's all a bit predictable, but I think he's escaped

and sabotaged the machine.

Well, don't just stand there gloating, come on!

# Pizza, pizza

# Get your lovely pizza

# Look what's come to town

# Pizza through your TV Toppings are addictive

# Abso-bloomin'-lutely free

# For you and me

# Once you try it

# You're mad for it

# Planet Earth, it's oh, so bad for it

# Come and see

# We've got seas full of anchovies

# Buffalo sneeze, mozzarella cheese

# Slipping on a pizza

# Melted up in the sunshine Everything's fine

# I'm fit to bust

# Stuffed to the crust

# With pizza, pizza

# Get your lovely pizza

# Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

# Get your lovely pizza. #

Rufus, we don't know how to stop it!

Right, you've asked for it.

-Your powers are weak, young man.

-Not as weak as you think.

Hound! Hound!

I'll get you, Hound!

PRINCESS GELINA: Thanks, Mr...er, whatever. You totally saved my life.

-HOUND: Watch out!

-GELINA: Chill out, dude.

It's really sad that giant space station in the shape of a pizza's

going to crash into your Earth.

Oh, yeah. Oh, no!

COMPUTER: Ingredient malfunction.

No, no, no, no, no!

Um, I think the Death Pizza's about to crash, Dr Mu.

Don't you ever call me that! It's Dr Muhahaha.

Hey, hey, hey, don't go grumpy with me.

I'm not the one who told them the plans, then left them to escape.

I did not leave them to escape. I had other things to attend to,

like the invasion of Earth. If I'd had any proper support

from you and Keith, none of this would have happened.

-You're saying this is my fault?

-Yes, it's your fault.

Your job is to help me. I mean, every time I come up with a plan,

it's just nag, nag, nag, "It won't work." It's not good enough, Steve.

It's actually crashing now. I think you'd better hit the rewind button.

I expect more from my team than just insubordination and insults.

The reset button, that lets you rewind the day and start again...

I mean, how long have you been working for me now?

Ten years? And how many evil plans have we had foiled?

# Theme from "EastEnders"

-The button!

-All right!

COMPUTER: Ten, nine...

-I'll get you tomorrow, Rufus Hound.

-...seven, six...

Or should I say...

...five, four...

...today?

...three, two,

-one...

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

STEVE: Do I look like I'm laughing?

HOUND: Chilli? Eugh!

Dr Moo-ha-ha.

Should I know him?

Free pizza! Anyone want one?

'The Mu Pizza revolution is coming.'

'Princess Grumpelstiltskin.'

-Have I met you before?

-Everybody relax.

I'm here.

Ah, well. I'm definitely going to beat him tomorrow.

Or is that today?

# I'm fit to bust

# I'm stuffed to the crust

# With pizza, pizza

# Get your lovely pizza!

# Get your lovely pizza! #

Subtitles by RED BEE MEDIA LTD

Muhahaha!