Mu Pizza Hounded


Mu Pizza

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Transcript


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That mouse is wearing my moon boots!

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DISCORDANT MUSIC

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'That's me - Rufus Hound.

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'I'm a television presenter

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'and every day I save the world.'

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See him?

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This ugly dipstick is the evil Dr Muhaha.

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It's pronounced "Muhahaha".

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'...and his geeky sidekick, Steve.'

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Shall I?

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Every day he comes up with some new plan to conquer us,

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and every day I stop him.

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What? Someone's got to do it.

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And that's not the half of it.

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If at the end of the day I have beaten him, well,

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he just hits rewind and the whole day goes back to the beginning.

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DISCORDANT MUSIC Not again!

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'Right, off to my first day at work

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'again.'

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So, you'd think I'd know exactly what's going to happen.

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Morning.

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Unfortunately, it's not always that simple,

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because Dr Mu's always coming up with a new plan.

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Luckily, whatever world I'm in, these two always turn up to help.

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The only thing is, I never know what they're going to look like.

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Last, but by no means least, there's this good-looking chap.

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That's me, from years ahead in the future.

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Future Rufus likes to think he's helping,

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but sometimes I'm not so sure it's not his fault I'm in this mess.

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So that's it, in a nutshell.

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You never know, maybe one day I'll wake up, and it'll be tomorrow.

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BIRD CAWS

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Or, at the very least, I'll remember about that bird.

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OINKING

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Everybody relax - I'm here.

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Oh, it's the new guy! Hi there, I'm Gill.

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Hiya, I'm Barry.

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That's odd. Have I met you before?

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If we had, I would know that your birthday is June 23rd

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and I don't, so, no.

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Well, come on, then. We haven't got all day.

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Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...

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# Theme from "Star Wars"

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Princess Gelina, you are now being captured by Mu Force 1.

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Please keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times.

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MUSIC STOPS

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MAN: Hang on! What's happened to the music?

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Don't worry about it, Gary, just keep firing, mate. Just get her.

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-Peoow! Peoow!

-Don't make the noises, Paul.

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-Just get on with it, yeah?

-Sorry.

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Quick! Go on, get her! Come on, lads. Go for it! Get her! Go on, get her.

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Your package is accepted.

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Dr Mu's coming. Someone get the music back on, quick.

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Oh, no, look careful, lads, he looks angry...as usual.

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Here, what do you do your hair up like that for, then?

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Where are the plans?

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I mean, do I have to do everything around here?

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No, boss, sorry.

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-What do I employ you people for?

-Don't know, boss.

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Flying 15 Mu quadrants after some stolen plans, only to find

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they are not on this ship.

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Now, Princess Gelina...

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-What?

-Not thinking of escaping, were you?

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Dr Moo-ha-ha.

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It's pronounced Muhahaha.

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You will do well to remember that.

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Whatever.

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Take her away.

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Get off my cloak.

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30 seconds to show time.

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-OK...

-So, how does this experiment work?

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It's basically to see if this new pizza delivery service really works.

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Sounds amazing. It's meant to deliver through your telly.

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-Just imagine.

-So how does it do that?

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-Well, we've...

-10 seconds.

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Don't worry, it's hardly rocket science.

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You'd be surprised.

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-Good luck.

-And in 5, 4, 3...

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Doo-be-doo...

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...on air.

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Hello, and welcome to FunLab.

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The show that puts the "fizz" into physics.

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The "mystery" into chemistry.

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And the "Oh, gee" into biology.

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Kicking off today's experiment is brand-new presenter, Rhydian Hound.

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Yes, today we're looking at a brand-new pizza delivery system,

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where the pizza arrives...

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'And just as I'm getting going,

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'my meddling future self turns up to ruin my day.'

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...if you gorge on Gorgonzola then all you need to do is...um...

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press the red button...

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Wah!

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Rudolf?

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Due to a technical hitch, FunLab will resume shortly.

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DR MUHAHAHA LAUGHS

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Ah, the beauty of an infinite universe.

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Everything exists... if you look hard enough.

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Even your planet, Princess Gelina.

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Cheese mountains, giant tomatoes

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with oceans full of anchovies.

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Only you could discover a world like that

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and turn it into a giant pizza factory.

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Yes, only I.

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Hang on, what exactly is the plan here?

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You're not going to invade the Earth using pizza, are you?

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Why not?

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Well, it's just... a totally rubbish idea, isn't it?

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A totally rubbish idea?!

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This is the most elaborate and cunningly thought out plan

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since I hired the pan-dimensional sock rustlers

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to steal the socks of every member of the England football team

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the night of that World Cup qualifier against Belarus.

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I nearly brought the Football Association to their knees.

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"Nearly" being the key word there.

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Anyway. Thanks to your planet's ingredients, I have built up

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the biggest pizza chain in the nine quadrants of the multiverse.

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And, on the dark side of your moon...

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Oh, I know what you've been building.

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A giant pizza-shaped starship, capable of destroying whole planets.

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-Yes.

-The Death Pizza.

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Hello! I stole the plans, remember?

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What Death Pizza?

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No matter. It has begun.

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Soon, I'll be flooding the Earth with unlimited free Mu Pizzas.

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Then, when the Earthlings' greed has become so full

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that they can take no more, I shall unleash

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The Death Pizza.

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What is the Death Pizza? And how come I've never heard of it?

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It sounds like quite a big thing.

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You never thought to mention it?! She's heard of the Death Pizza,

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and she's leading a band of rebels against you.

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How come I don't know about the Death Pizza?

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You two so need to communicate better.

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Well?!

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I thought you'd laugh at the pizza idea.

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Do I look like I'm laughing at the pizza idea?

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No.

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And so, in a few hours, just after tea time, I, or my new Death Pizza,

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will pay the Earth a little visit.

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And I will unite the multiverse at last.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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'So, now I'm off to meet my future self

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'so he can send me on some hare-brained mission.'

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Waaa!

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Here you are. I'm back from the future.

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Thanks. I'm starving. I don't know if you've noticed...

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-I had noticed. That's why I'm here.

-Yeah, yeah.

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-Cos...

-You're me from the future.

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Now, listen very carefully. As you can see,

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a chilli is not an ingredient of the Four Seasons pizza.

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What?

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Keep this chilli handy.

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Chilli? Yuck.

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-You must be joking.

-You'll see if I'm joking.

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Now, hand me that pizza back.

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-You want to start eating more healthily.

-You can talk!

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Yes, I can. I'm you, remember? Bye-bye.

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I hate it when he does that.

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When I do that?

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I'm so irritating!

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Waaa!

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Actually, I hope Rufus Hound beats you this time.

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ALARM BLARES

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Ha! What did I tell you?

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Rufus Hound is on Gelina's home planet and your pathetic plan

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has gone wrong already.

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Right, I've had enough of this lip.

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You're on a warning.

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-What do you mean, I'm on a warning?

-I mean, I'm warning you.

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You can't put me on a warning. You're not my dad.

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Steve! One more snide remark and I'll be stuffing you

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into a 12-inch crust and sending you to the planet of Calzone.

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-And anyway, I might be your dad.

-Are you my dad?

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-No.

-Good!

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Hello, when you two have finished, can we talk about letting me go?

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Who said anything about letting you go?

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You're so not going to get away with this. My people will rise up.

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They're not going to make your stupid pizza for ever.

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Oh, I think they will, Your Stroppiness.

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You see, your little friend Buck is at this moment

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being pursued by my men across the land of Pizzeria.

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He, too, will soon be my prisoner and your silly little rebellion

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will be defeated, so if I were you, I'd keep your trap shut.

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The Mu Pizza revolution... is coming.

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HE CACKLES

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PIZZA OVEN: Your pizza oven is now operational.

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Unlimited free pizza for all the Earth.

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Eat as much as you dare.

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Muhahaha!

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# Theme Music to "The Magnificent Seven"

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Beep! Beep!

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Lunch!

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You've got to help us, Buck. You are, like, so our last hope.

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You've got to help us, Buck.

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You are, like, so our last hope.

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Who's Buck?

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Run!

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What happened? Where's Rudolf? He was just standing by the telly.

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Where did this pizza come from?

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-Never mind that, where's Rudolf?

-Probably just ran off set.

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He didn't have time.

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Where do you think he is, then?

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Maybe he's been sucked through the telly,

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back up through the pizza pipes.

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Yeah.

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Maybe he went to get a cup of tea.

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In the middle of the show? I don't think so.

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He's probably been made into a million pieces of pizza by now.

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I'm telling you, I knew there was something dodgy

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about this Mu Pizza idea.

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Oh, come on, Gill, it's a bit unlikely, don't you think?

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He's probably just in the loo.

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Great! It's broken! Free pizza! Anyone want one?

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Global chaos as free pizzas

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have been shooting out of TV sets all over the world.

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I'm here in India and this really is a global crisis.

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The whole subcontinent is in shock at what we're seeing here.

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The pizzas are coming out of the television. It's amazing.

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Press five, you get ham and pineapple.

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It's really scary, the thought of pizza coming out of the TV.

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-What's the biggest pizza you can eat?

-About this big.

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-Large.

-Enormous.

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-Oh...

-Er...

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The whole Earth is just going to be one big fat lump of fat.

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-Even a bad pizza tastes really good.

-Yeah, the thicker the base.

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I think pizzas are definitely coming from outer space somewhere.

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Could be aliens.

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I'm not quite sure.

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I don't care where they come from, as long as they taste good.

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In London, the summit meeting between the British, American

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and Chinese government has been called off since delegates

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went on a massive pizza binge.

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The Prime Minister was due to declare a national emergency at 4pm,

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but he, too, failed to make it.

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Sources said he was too full up.

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Hear that? I told you, there's something wrong with these pizzas.

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Something's going on, I'm telling you.

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What?

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Sorry, I wasn't watching.

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-Do you want this last piece?

-No.

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Thanks.

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DR MUHAHAHA: Keith! Oh, where's Keith?

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-Keith.

-Yes, Dr Mu.

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What can I do to help you?

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I want you to stand guard over Princess Grumpelstiltskin here.

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-Affirmative, Dr Mu.

-While Steve and I prepare to activate

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the Death Pizza.

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Right, affirmative, Dr Mu.

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What if she tries to escape?

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Oh, for goodness sake!

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Are you a lethal robot assassin or a carbon-titanium doughnut?

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Oh, lethal robot assassin. Affirmative, Dr Mu.

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Good! To the Death Pizza.

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-Do we have to?

-Yes.

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I want to check my toppings one last time.

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-Farewell, Princess.

-HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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-Right.

-OK. Lethal robot assassin.

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I'm scary!

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I am scary! She'll be so scared of me because I'm so lethal

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and frightening!

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Oh... Er... CLUNKING

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Er...would you like a cup o' tea?

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I don't do caffeine. Get me a peppermint tea instead.

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Oh, right, OK. I'll go and get that for you.

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Just stay right there, I'll be right back. Bye!

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CLUNKING FOOTSTEPS

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OK, men. Let's go on searching Quadrant B.

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-Is there a toilet in Quadrant B?

-They're leaving.

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I think it's about time you explain what's going on here.

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OK, listen.

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Two years ago, Dr Muhahaha invaded our planet.

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He's using our natural resources to fuel his intergalactic pizza empire

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and he's enslaved the entire population to make them for him.

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-Why?

-So he can conquer the last remaining planet in the multiverse,

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a tiny, insignificant place called Earth.

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Yeah, not that insignificant.

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He sends the free pizzas we make out to all of Earth's people.

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His plan is to wait until everyone is too full up to move,

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then he can unleash his new secret weapon - the Death Pizza.

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Princess Gelina and I have been leading the resistance.

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We have to stop him before the Death Pizza arrives on Earth.

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What's the plan?

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We rescue Princess Gelina and sabotage the Death Pizza.

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Oh! If only I'd have known it was that simple.

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-Give us a cuddle, then.

-I'm sorry?

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Just come here.

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-Is my special weapon ready?

-In position, Doctor.

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Let's show those poor people on Earth who's boss.

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Steve, show me my masterpiece.

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-Docking sequence initiated.

-HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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-Docking complete.

-Look at that!

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Initiating jump to hyperspace.

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It's my Death Pizza, so I'm going to press the button.

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Now, where is it? Mmm?

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-Is it this one?

-HONKING

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Oh... The blue one?

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-FLUSHING

-OK, OK! I've got it.

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Yes! Yes!

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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CLATTERING

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Whoa! Steve, a bit of warning next time!

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Across the world, governments and the military have been reacting

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to the appearance of an unidentified and apparently alien spaceship

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in the shape of a giant pizza.

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That's the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was built in 1932.

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Hang on, what's that in the sky?!

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Oh, my... Oh, my word!

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I don't believe what I'm looking at. I'll zoom in for a better look.

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It's like some huge pizza-shaped death ship of some sort.

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WOMAN: Oh my gosh! Look at that thing! It's so big!

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Look at it! It's like a giant pizza or something.

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-That reminds me, I'm hungry.

-Hey, I'm hungry too.

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Reports are suggesting there may be some kind of link between

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the pizza-shaped spacecraft's appearance

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and the fact that the world has been flooded with free pizza today.

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You want a sound bite? Well, bite on this.

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There's no connection between the pizzas coming out of the TVs

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and the giant pizza in the sky.

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That's all I've got to say on the subject.

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Get that out of my face, son!

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We still don't know where this spacecraft came from

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or who the occupants are, or even if there are any.

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No demands or threats have been made, and until we have contact,

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it's simply too early to speculate on what might happen

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or what these strange visitors might want.

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Look!

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Watch out, Mu's got one of those K-type robots.

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Would you like me to leave your tea bag in?

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-Yeah, whatever.

-Righto.

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BOTH: Boo!

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-CLANG!

-Princess Gelina! You're safe.

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-What was that?

-It was like the most neurotic Teasmade ever.

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I'm not coming down!

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Thank goodness you're here! The Earth is in grave danger.

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Oh, he's cute. Should I know him?

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Do you watch much television from Earth?

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-Er, no.

-Then probably not. I'm Rufus.

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-Princess Gelina.

-Is this...?

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Yeah, that's Earth. Muhahaha intends to invade it using pizza!

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That's correct, Hound.

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I wouldn't bother, if I were you.

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The Death Pizza is already poised to attack.

0:20:440:20:47

It really is ingenious.

0:20:470:20:48

The Death Pizza is controlled remotely through the oven.

0:20:480:20:53

As you can see, it's heating up nicely.

0:20:530:20:56

And...here's the clever bit. I've programmed it so that when I place

0:20:560:21:00

my favourite pizza in the oven, the Death Pizza attacks immediately!

0:21:000:21:05

And just out of interest, which is your favourite pizza?

0:21:060:21:09

-Don't tell him. He'll only...

-It's all right.

0:21:090:21:13

The Four Seasons, of course. So you see,

0:21:130:21:16

there really is nothing you can do.

0:21:160:21:19

Everything has gone entirely according to plan.

0:21:190:21:22

The population of Earth are all... stuffed.

0:21:220:21:26

They won't be able to resist. Oh, care for a celebratory slice?

0:21:260:21:30

-This'll never work, Muhahaha.

-Let's see, shall we? Steve?

0:21:340:21:39

OK, well, I'm off to invade the Earth. Steve?

0:21:430:21:48

The Death Pizza has been activated.

0:21:510:21:55

Come on.

0:21:570:21:59

Get off!

0:21:590:22:01

The Earth is under attack. The giant pizza-shaped spacecraft

0:22:050:22:09

which appeared in orbit around the Earth earlier today

0:22:090:22:12

has this evening launched an unprovoked attack on mankind

0:22:120:22:16

using weapons our military are completely unequipped to deal with.

0:22:160:22:20

We are totally ill-equipped to deal with this situation.

0:22:200:22:24

They're coming!

0:22:240:22:25

Hordes of pizza-delivery scooters

0:22:290:22:31

with no riders have brought gridlock to our cities,

0:22:310:22:35

and giant dough bombs have destroyed

0:22:350:22:37

some of the world's most important landmarks.

0:22:370:22:40

Think! We've got to do something!

0:22:480:22:50

The chilli is not an ingredient of the Four Seasons pizza.

0:22:500:22:56

The chilli is not an ingredient of the Four Seasons pizza.

0:22:560:23:00

-Hit me.

-What?

0:23:010:23:03

-With your elbow. Hit me.

-DR MUHAHAHA: At last!

0:23:030:23:06

Harder. Harder!

0:23:060:23:08

Earth!

0:23:080:23:10

Now turn.

0:23:120:23:14

I've got other things to think about, like...

0:23:140:23:16

And lean!

0:23:160:23:18

Go!

0:23:180:23:20

It's working! ALARM RINGS

0:23:270:23:30

COMPUTER: Pizza topping mismatch. Pizza topping...

0:23:330:23:37

My pizza machine! What have you done?

0:23:370:23:39

Well, it's all a bit predictable, but I think he's escaped

0:23:390:23:43

and sabotaged the machine.

0:23:430:23:44

Well, don't just stand there gloating, come on!

0:23:440:23:46

# Pizza, pizza

0:23:510:23:53

# Get your lovely pizza

0:23:530:23:56

# Look what's come to town

0:23:560:23:58

# Pizza through your TV Toppings are addictive

0:23:580:24:00

# Abso-bloomin'-lutely free

0:24:000:24:03

# For you and me

0:24:030:24:04

# Once you try it

0:24:040:24:05

# You're mad for it

0:24:050:24:07

# Planet Earth, it's oh, so bad for it

0:24:070:24:09

# Come and see

0:24:090:24:11

# We've got seas full of anchovies

0:24:140:24:16

# Buffalo sneeze, mozzarella cheese

0:24:160:24:19

# Slipping on a pizza

0:24:190:24:20

# Melted up in the sunshine Everything's fine

0:24:200:24:24

# I'm fit to bust

0:24:240:24:27

# Stuffed to the crust

0:24:270:24:28

# With pizza, pizza

0:24:280:24:30

# Get your lovely pizza

0:24:300:24:33

# Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

0:24:330:24:35

# Get your lovely pizza. #

0:24:350:24:37

Rufus, we don't know how to stop it!

0:24:480:24:50

Right, you've asked for it.

0:24:520:24:55

-Your powers are weak, young man.

-Not as weak as you think.

0:25:090:25:12

Hound! Hound!

0:25:140:25:16

I'll get you, Hound!

0:25:160:25:18

PRINCESS GELINA: Thanks, Mr...er, whatever. You totally saved my life.

0:25:210:25:26

-HOUND: Watch out!

-GELINA: Chill out, dude.

0:25:260:25:29

It's really sad that giant space station in the shape of a pizza's

0:25:290:25:33

going to crash into your Earth.

0:25:330:25:35

Oh, yeah. Oh, no!

0:25:350:25:38

COMPUTER: Ingredient malfunction.

0:25:380:25:39

No, no, no, no, no!

0:25:390:25:41

Um, I think the Death Pizza's about to crash, Dr Mu.

0:25:410:25:45

Don't you ever call me that! It's Dr Muhahaha.

0:25:450:25:47

Hey, hey, hey, don't go grumpy with me.

0:25:470:25:48

I'm not the one who told them the plans, then left them to escape.

0:25:480:25:51

I did not leave them to escape. I had other things to attend to,

0:25:510:25:55

like the invasion of Earth. If I'd had any proper support

0:25:550:25:57

from you and Keith, none of this would have happened.

0:25:570:25:59

-You're saying this is my fault?

-Yes, it's your fault.

0:25:590:26:01

Your job is to help me. I mean, every time I come up with a plan,

0:26:010:26:05

it's just nag, nag, nag, "It won't work." It's not good enough, Steve.

0:26:050:26:09

It's actually crashing now. I think you'd better hit the rewind button.

0:26:090:26:12

I expect more from my team than just insubordination and insults.

0:26:120:26:15

The reset button, that lets you rewind the day and start again...

0:26:150:26:19

I mean, how long have you been working for me now?

0:26:190:26:21

Ten years? And how many evil plans have we had foiled?

0:26:210:26:24

# Theme from "EastEnders"

0:26:240:26:25

-The button!

-All right!

0:26:250:26:28

COMPUTER: Ten, nine...

0:26:280:26:30

-I'll get you tomorrow, Rufus Hound.

-...seven, six...

0:26:300:26:32

Or should I say...

0:26:320:26:33

...five, four...

0:26:330:26:34

...today?

0:26:340:26:35

...three, two,

0:26:350:26:37

-one...

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:26:370:26:39

STEVE: Do I look like I'm laughing?

0:26:430:26:45

HOUND: Chilli? Eugh!

0:26:470:26:48

Dr Moo-ha-ha.

0:26:490:26:51

Should I know him?

0:26:510:26:53

Free pizza! Anyone want one?

0:26:540:26:56

'The Mu Pizza revolution is coming.'

0:26:560:27:00

'Princess Grumpelstiltskin.'

0:27:020:27:04

-Have I met you before?

-Everybody relax.

0:27:040:27:06

I'm here.

0:27:080:27:09

Ah, well. I'm definitely going to beat him tomorrow.

0:27:100:27:15

Or is that today?

0:27:150:27:17

# I'm fit to bust

0:27:170:27:19

# I'm stuffed to the crust

0:27:190:27:21

# With pizza, pizza

0:27:210:27:23

# Get your lovely pizza!

0:27:230:27:26

# Get your lovely pizza! #

0:27:270:27:29

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0:27:290:27:32

Muhahaha!

0:27:320:27:34

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