Baker House Blend Jinx

# Can you keep a secret? Sneak behind a tree

# I guess she's something tasty Just you wait and see

# The magic in my story Turns you upside down, you see

# No matter what the trouble is I've got a recipe

# Mixing up the flavour With a trick right up my sleeve

# Spin it up a little more and then we're gonna see

# Cooking up a story that is fit for magazines

# Sprinkle this, sprinkle that Stir it up and see. #

Morning, Lulu.

Dad, how long are we going to eat your wedding cake for breakfast?

Made it a bit big, didn't I?

Yeah. Oh, yeah!

Lulu, about the wedding. It was a mistake...

You think so too? Oh, thank goodness!

-What was that?

-Huh?

What did you just say?

-Nuh...

-What I was going to say was that it was a mistake

you and I didn't have a father - daughter chat before the wedding.

And I was gonna say...thank goodness for my new mum. And stepbrother.

My ears are burning so either someone's talking about me

or I'm having a very bad reaction to my new earrings.

-Morning, handsome bunny.

-Ow!

Six days and still together.

Who said it wouldn't last, eh?

LULU SLURPS HER DRINK

Oh, sorry. Was that me?

Or you?

Oh, sorry, Lulu. This must, like, totally weird you out.

Not as much as having a stepmum

who uses the phrase "totally weird you out."

Oh, Torquil. Have you been sleep walking again?

Oh, you are having trouble settling into your new room.

Though at least this time he didn't sleepwalk into my room

and pour meringue mix on my head.

Torquil, you know that I want you to feel at home here, don't you?

But there are only two children's bedrooms

in this house and Lulu has one.

The favourite child's room.

The slightly bigger room but you have the other.

The condemned man's cell.

A slightly smaller bedroom.

Come on, Torquil, do you really want Lulu to be chucked out of the room

she's had since she was born?

No, I'd hate to take anything away from my...beloved stepsister.

Thank you.

All right, come on, settle down.

Let's have some breakfast.

Waaah!

Oh, I wondered why I had that screwdriver

in my dressing gown pocket.

Two metres, 74.

-Hi.

-Torquil, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Three metres, 65.

-Torquil, stop measuring my room!

-Why?

Argh!

96 centimetres.

That's not right.

Hello!

Torquil, this is my friend, Frenchy.

Enchante.

Who's not French.

Hey, Torquil. I've heard a LOT about you.

Though you don't look evil.

Aw, thanks.

What's with the boxes?

Going through Mum's old stuff.

-Why are you measuring Lulu's room?

-Cos he's after it.

Mine's too small. I have to open the window to take my jumper off.

Tough! This room's been mine since I was zero.

Definitely my turn now then.

Urgh! I hate having a brother.

-Stepbrother.

-Yeah, that too.

What's going on?

It's Torquil's room.

It's too small for my encyclopaedia collection, my stuffed bear.

My pool table.

Since when have you had a...

..Has he always had that?

I guess. He hasn't actually let me in his room since 2006.

Family heirloom. Sentimental value.

Then why does it have a delivery note with yesterday's date on it?

Isn't it dope, Lulu? Six months ago we didn't know you

from a hole in the ground and now we're family!

Hmm...life would be perfect, if only my room was bigger.

HE SIGHS

Torquil, I wish I could give you what you want, I really do.

Oh, thanks!

For being my new daddy.

I suppose it wouldn't hurt

to look at the room allocations one last time.

Yeah, thanks a lot for dying, Mum.

Now Dad's only gone and got married again

and there's no space for anyone and I've lost my room.

Ow!

Ow!

-Is that any way to treat a family heirloom?!

-Aah!

Yes, no, Mistress.

How may I serve thee?

Nah, that sounds fake.

Let me try something else.

-OVER MICROPHONE:

-'Bad skin, bad hair, bad day?

'Try new Fairy Godmother for that just-enchanted feeling.'

Phew!

Who are you?

I am Cookie, spirit of the book!

Cookbooks have spirits?

Just the magic ones.

Magic?

-This was my mum's.

-And her mum's. And her mum's, and her mum's.

-I never saw her...

-And her mum's.

-And I never...

-And her mum's.

-I never saw her do any magic.

-She did magic before you were born.

It's the gift of all girls born into your family.

So, magic is real?

And I can do it using this book?

Only until you're an adult and...

you're not getting any younger, kid, so...

So you're saying that I can do anything I like?

Anything you like.

Mm-hmm!

Aaargh!

So what do you want?

-Do you have a recipe that will stop Torquil from wanting my room?

-Mm-hm.

OK, so what do I do? Cast runes?

No, that's be silly! How would you feel about beheading a goat?

-What?!

-Joke, joke, calm it!

Just read the recipe.

-I can't read it.

-Try.

The Fairy Godmother Owner's Manual states

whosoever possesses the mystic book

can read the weird squiggly, doodley stuff.

I'm paraphrasing.

I can read it!

"Dice three carrots."

Doesn't sound very magical.

Who's the fairy, you or me?

See? Easy peasy, elfin squeezy!

I can't believe I just did magic?

-Wait till Frenchy hears about this!

-STOP!

You have to keep your secret. Who is she, anyway?

My best friend. We tell each other everything.

Reveal the secret to anyone and I evaporate.

Chapter seven, paragraph nine, subsection C.

-Fairy Godmother Owner's Manual.

-Yeah, I might need a copy of that.

Out of stock, sorry.

Now, can we get on with the miniaturisation minestrone?

When Torquil drinks it he'll shrink 27%

and his room will be so huge he won't want yours.

Miniaturisation. Fair to excellent.

It's supposed to miniaturise Torky!

Well, can I help it if you got the recipe wrong?

Cookie!

Cookie! What am I supposed to tell Dad?

Make the meals fun-sized?!

Hey, Chip.

Hi, Frenchy, your hair looks really weird.

Oh, thanks(!)

Have you noticed Lulu acting strange and secretive today?

No. Do you think she's been killed and replaced

by a vegetable-based life form?

That wasn't my first thought, no.

Hey! What are you talking about?

-Nothing.

-Just you being weird and secretive.

-Jim!

-Me, secretive? No way!

Me?! Ha! I have no secrets.

-And to prove it we'll spend the whole day together.

-The whole day?

-No weird dashing off?

-Absolutely not.

Cross my heart and...

Huh...excuse me!

Cookie! Cookie!

-Dad's stove is growing again!

-So? The spell's wear off, no biggie.

-Yeah, but it's in my pocket.

-Oh. Next classroom, now!

-It's too big to get out my pocket.

-Take your skirt off!

Oh, what's going on?

Aaargh!

Cookie, I'm so sorry!

She saw the magic.

Who are you talking to?

My fairy godmother.

Sorry, for a minute there it sounded like you said your fairy godmother!

Yeah, and now she's not a secret anymore she's evaporating.

I'm evaporating! I'm evaporating!

COOKIE SOBS

I'm totally evaporating here!

I'm evaporating!

-OK, I've evaporated.

-No, you haven't.

-As good as.

-What?!

-Seriously, Lu, what's happened?!

-How did the stove get there?

-Oh, it was in my pocket.

What?!

Cookie helped me miniaturise it.

She's a fairy that came out my mum's magic cookbook.

Then this happened.

Lulu, magic doesn't exist.

-Girl's an idiot.

-Cookie thinks you're an idiot.

I don't care what she thinks, she doesn't exist either!

Oh, you can't see her! Ha-ha!

If you're not going to let me in on this weird practical joke,

I'm going.

-What? I just...

-See you later. Maybe.

Bummer!

Is that all you can say? "Bummer"?

Double bummer?

I thought having a fairy godmother would be cool,

but you're just a jinx.

Hey! A sorceress is only as good as her apprentice.

-Maybe you should find another apprentice!

-Maybe I will!

After you've helped me move the stove! After!

Cookie! Hello...?

Triple bummer.

-Dad, can we talk?

-Of course.

Unless it's about boys.

Or babies. Minty wants those questions referred to her.

It's about my room.

-Ohh... Wouldn't you rather talk about boys or babies?

-No.

Dad?

Dad!

All right!

Lulu. I'm not just YOUR dad now. I'm Torquil's dad too.

And that means he's your brother.

I know it's been difficult for you, but it's been hard for Torquil too.

Look, it's all right for Minty and myself.

We want to be in this family. But for you and Torquil it's different.

-It's more like being...

-Hostages?

Come on, you're not hostages!

No, no, you're right.

Hostages usually get on.

You couldn't even wait till I'd moved out?

Waiting's for losers.

Or...Lu-losers!

-So what do you think of the new colour scheme?

-White?

Lu-lu-lu-lu-lu.

I've got so much to teach you.

There isn't a whisper of white in the room.

This is Bleached Blonde.

I've set it off with Caspar's Complexion on the feature wall,

knitting things together with stippled accents in Snowblind Yeti.

I know style is an alien concept to you, Lulu.

But I'm here to guide you.

To me, you're more than the oddball daughter of my new husband.

I see you as one of my bezzie mates.

Oh, great(!)

And you can come to me with any problem, you know?

I'm always here.

Well, actually...

-WHISTLING RINGTONE

-Oh!

Gotta go. See ya!

Hi! Minty Le Bone, style advisor to the youth of today...

Hang on.

Where are the pictures of me and Mum and Dad holidaying in France?

They were on the wall.

Don't you want the rest of your stuff?

Cookie, I need you!

Cookie, I summon thee.

Oh! So now thou summon me, doth thou, Luluth?

I can't stop saying "th".

We maybe got off on the wrong foot.

You mean, a stinky, horrible, ungrateful foot?

No, more of a justifiably irritated foot.

OK. Oh! I'm fading...

-OK!

-Apology accepted.

Now, let's make magic!

Behold - disappearance doughnuts.

This little baby's going straight into Torquil's lunchbox.

Hi, Frenchy!

Doughnut?

Thanks, Torquil!

Hey.

Look, sorry about yesterday.

Me too.

You can tell me all about it later.

But...I did tell you.

Not a haunted cookbook!

The cookbook's not haunted. More sort of...magic.

Yeah, right(!)

Hi. What's she eating?

A doughnut?

Where from?

I don't know.

Maybe Torquil gave it to...aah!

Frenchy, Frenchy, no, no, no, no!

SHE GASPS

I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean to disappear you!

Where has she gone?

-FRENCHY:

-She?! I'm right here!

Oh, so that's what disappearance doughnuts do!

I shall make a note!

Uh, Frenchy... Could you come in here a sec?

To... To look in the mirror?

Why?

Because...

er...Chip told me he thought you'd look really good

in my new sunglasses.

Three, two, one...

FRENCHY SCREAMS

All right! I believe you! Magic exists.

Yeah!

I'm a disaster with magic.

Nah, it's teething troubles.

-FRENCHY:

-Lulu?

Sorry. Forgot you were there.

Are you sure you can't just reverse the spell?

No can do.

No can do.

Just gotta let it wear off.

Just have to let it wear off.

BOTH: Bummer.

MWAH!

This is the weirdest day.

I keep getting the feeling of being kissed.

Time for a break.

CHAIR SCRAPES

-Thanks, Lulu!

-Thanks...for making you invisible?

Yeah! It meant I could follow Chip around all day!

The greatest day of my life.

Put it there, friend.

Now, Chip's sunbathing and I'll get the best view from your room.

-So...

-Actually it's Torquil's room now, so...

So...let's go upstairs! And while we're there,

do you think you could do me a favour?

After you.

Hi, Torquil.

I was wondering if you wanted me to leave my...

ghost-repellent cup here?

Ghost-repellent cup?

Mm, this room's haunted. By a ghost. Who hates liars.

Nice try, lunatic, but I don't believe in gho...

Aaagh!

Oh, there it is now.

I don't think he likes you, Torquil.

-Ah!

-Ah(!)

Gimme the cup!

-Uh!

-Shoot!

He must know you lied to Dad... about your sleepwalking.

It's a trick, it's got to be! You're using wires!

-Ooh!

-No!

Not Mr Snuffles! Please!

A ghost! A ghost!

Thanks, Frenchy!

Frenchy?

Ghost! Ghost! There's a ghost in my room and I want my old one back!

-Uh...

-There's a ghost in his new room.

There's a ghost in your new room and you want your old room back?!

Lulu tricked me into wanting her room. If I'd known it was haunted,

-I'd never have lied about the sleepwalking stuff...

-Whoa.

Oh, hold it.

You LIED to me?

Oh, Torquil.

I love you so-o-o-o much, new Daddy.

You're not feeling it, are you?

Not so much.

I need my old room back. Mum?

-Mike?

-Lulu?

I LOVE your room, Torky. It's so peaceful.

But just for you, as you are my new beloved stepbrother,

-I suppose I'll just have to go back to my old room.

-Yes! Thanks.

Come on, you - I'll help you move your stuff.

But when it comes to that big ugly bear, you can hold the toothy end.

Oh...

Blimey, Lulu.

Blending two families together...

is harder than I thought.

Might be easier if we put Torquil in an actual blender!

-Do you want me to...?

-NO!

No...no, it's not easy.

But...we'll manage.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Thanks, Lulu.

Cookie, is all the magic I do gonna end up like this?

Nah, some will be quite stressful.

What?!

Oh...

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