Dead and Butter Pudding Jinx


Dead and Butter Pudding

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# Can you keep a secret? Sneaky and a treat

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# A dash of something tasty Just you wait and see

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# The magic in my story turned you upside down indeed

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# No matter what the trouble is I've got a recipe

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# Mixing up the flavour

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# With a trick right up my sleeve

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# Stir it up a little more and then we're going to see

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# Cooking up a story that is good for magazines

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# Sprinkle this, sprinkle that Stir it up and see. #

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Please? Please! Go on!

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Just one, please!

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No! Your mum says if you have too much sugar you get hyperactive -

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a terrifying thought.

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Why are you eating them? You hate doughnuts!

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Mm. Mm.

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But I love how you react when I eat them.

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Hey! Look over there - it's that guy from the band you like!

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Do you really think she's stupid enough to fall for that? Again?

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Every time.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Argh!

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-Oh!

-I've got another client on line two. I'll call you back.

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Lisa? Chemistry? Sure.

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Well, H2O could be hot water, but CO2 isn't cold water.

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OK. Bye.

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OK, rewind. What was this?

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-Nothing. I've just started my own small business, that's all.

-What?

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Homework troubleshooting for the bimbo set in year 11.

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-Wow!

-I know, pretty impressive, huh?

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No, it sounds like Dullsville. Why would you do that?

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You're right. There are no benefits whatsoever.

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How do you like my new shoes?

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What you got to say to that, then?

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Daddy? I want a job.

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"Dad, how are you doing? Looking good. Mm, I love the aftershave."

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-"Is that new, you say?"

-Dad! I mean it! I'm 14!

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-I should have a job.

-If you're that keen, you can start now.

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When I said a job, I didn't mean...

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-I thought not. Got to start at the bottom, right, Frenchy?

-Sure.

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My business is just a small start-up,

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but we're already making a sizeable net profit.

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Er...yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

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You see, not all girls have got business savvy, Frenchy.

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-Remember when you washed my car, Lulu?

-It was spotless.

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You left the keys in the door -

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it was spotless for the bloke that nicked it.

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-I've changed now. I'm responsible.

-< I'm home!

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Afternoon, troops.

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Now...

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where's the ironing?

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Minty, you think I'm responsible, don't you?

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Hi, honey. How was skydiving?

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Oh, you know. Tame.

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Responsible for what now, trouble?

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-What? No, guys, all I want is a job!

-I'll give you a job.

-Thank you.

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I accept.

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-Hang on, doing what?

-Babysitting.

-I've told her...

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If she can manage Torquil for a night,

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perhaps she IS ready for a real job.

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And if I'm wrong...

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..arrest me, officer.

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Ew!

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Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

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In at the deep end, eh? Bad luck.

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It's cool. Home alone, guarding a sleeping boy-shaped monster?

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No wrinklies to bother us. What could go wrong?

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Home alone? Sounds like a perfect time to watch this.

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Zombie And Son?

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Oh, no, I hate scary movies!

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OK, I'll watch it with Warren.

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I LOVE scary movies.

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Listen carefully - homework, teeth, bed.

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You do everything your step-sister says. Yes?

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And deffo no doughnuts.

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Too much sugar, he goes hyperactive and he'll be up till dawn.

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We hid them in your shoes in your wardrobe.

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Great.

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Mintola, that costs five pound a squirt.

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Oh, take this upstairs for me, Lulu?

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And don't have too much fun without me.

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Oh, Lulu, whatever you do...

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-I'll be fine, Dad, you'll see.

-That's my girl.

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Bye. Yeah, have fun, see you later. Bye.

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SHE SCREAMS IN DELIGHT

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I'm in charge!

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I'm in charge!

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Lu's in charge! Lu's in charge!

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Whoa! Whoa!

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Ready for a night of thrills...boss(?)

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Thrills for me, sure.

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You may have pulled the wool over my eyes once before today,

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but it won't be so easy next time. You're my slave now, remember?

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Homework, teeth, bed.

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And no doughnuts.

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Cinch-o. Oh, and what was that other thing?

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Don't answer the door to strangers!

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It's not a stranger, silly.

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HE SCREAMS

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Looking good, French.

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This mask is crucial to the success

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of Operation Show Chip How Much We've Got In Common.

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What is it with all these operations?

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Where are they?

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I need those doughnuts! Without them, my blood sugar levels will fall

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and my sparkling and effervescent personality will be diminished.

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Oh, Torquil! I didn't realise.

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In that case...no.

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-I'm telling your dad you watched a horror movie.

-I'm babysitting one!

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Bed!

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Mark my words.

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Before midnight, I swear I'll taste the sweet...

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sweet frosting of a doughnut. I will!

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Bring it on, Smeagol!

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HORROR MOVIE ON TV

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Chip...will this be ALL scary and nasty and involve us huddling...

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really close together?

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Nah.

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DOORBELL CHIMES

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Delivery of 30 jam doughnuts for a...Torquil Le Bone?

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Right. This means war.

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Nice.

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The question is, how do I get him?

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Oh! I've got it! Dead and butter pudding - very scary.

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Sounds perfect.

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Ahh!

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-Ho-hoo!

-How will this pudding scare Torquil when he eats it?

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He doesn't. You do.

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Then you turn into a zombie and YOU scare HIM.

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Sorry, it sounded a bit like you were turning me into a zombie.

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Yep! It's good, innit?

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-Is there a problem?

-Yes! I'm not doing that!

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Oh! You never let me have any fun!

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Torquil's not in bed. He's gone crazy!

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He's trashed the room! He's spoiling everything!

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Leave it to me.

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OVEN ALARM DINGS

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Where's Torquil?

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Hey, Lulu!

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What are you doing?

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-Just came down to watch the film.

-It'll scare you.

-Don't think so.

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I've seen you without make-up on.

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How'd you like to see me without a step-brother?

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Keep looking for doughnuts and you will.

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Help me clean up this mess so Dad will give me that job.

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Make me.

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That's better. Where were we?

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The zombie king was just about to eat the cheerleaders.

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BURP ON TV Oh!

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What a plan - while Lulu tidies, Torquil hunts doughnuts.

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Mm.

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No...wait...stop.

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No-one ever listens to me.

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-Oh!

-Ahh!

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That bit was quite scary, wasn't it, Chip?

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-What?

-Nothing.

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PANS RATTLE >

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I'll be right back.

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CRUNCHING ON TV

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-Oh!

-Oh!

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Lu! Funny thing...

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Please, please, please, please say he didn't

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eat the dead and butter pudding.

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ZIP

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Why've you gone quiet?

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ZIP

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-You told me not to tell you that.

-Oh, no.

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Chip, I'm getting really scared.

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I need you to protect me.

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No, you don't. It's only a movie.

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The special effects aren't even that good. Zombies aren't that scary.

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MUSIC: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson

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Brains!

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Problem?

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Lu...what's happening to your step-brother?

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Probably just trying to impress you.

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His face is falling off.

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Torquil! Stop showing off, OK?

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Whoa! Looks like he's a zombie! That's not possible unless...

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Totally! Zombies don't exist.

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But if they did...how would you stop one?

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Have you been cooking?

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Need...brains!

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THEY SCREAM

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He is a zombie! Look at his eyes!

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Possibly.

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THEY SCREAM

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-I guess it must have been, er...

-Something he ate?

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Of course, he must have eaten...

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a radioactive virus.

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THUNDERCLAPS

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-There's a zombie in the next room! How do we escape?

-Escape?

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Are you guys mad?

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THEY YELL

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There's a zombie in the next room! Wait until the boys at

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Everything You Wanted To Know About Zombies

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But Were Too Afraid To Ask.com hear about THIS!

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-Chip! What do zombies do?

-Eat brains?

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Oh, yeah, I see, that IS a problem.

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Ugh! And - key question - how do you stop them?

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-Chop off their heads - it always works.

-Are you crazy?!

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Dad will never let me have a job if,

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the first time I baby-sit my step-brother, I chop off his head!

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Minty'll never speak to you again.

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So it's not ALL bad.

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Look, I need a way to stop a zombie without severing its head.

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Cookie must have a recipe for anti-zombie. Antipasto or something.

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SILENCE

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OK, Chip. I can't hear that little monster any more.

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Get up.

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Stay here, keep the lights off.

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Frenchy, come with me. Back in a sec.

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Wait! Even in the dark, he can still...

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SCREAMS

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..smell you.

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MUSIC: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson

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LULU SCREAMS

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BONES CRUNCH OW!

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Cookie, help!

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Chill out, Lu, it'll wear off.

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-When?

-Couple of hours.

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OK, worst case scenario, 18 months.

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-THUNDERCLAPS

-18 months?!

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Dad can't have a zombie in the cafe for 18 months!

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It breaks every health and safety rule!

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That's what I love about you, Lu, always seeing the bigger picture!

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Wait, listen.

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SILENCE

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I don't hear anything.

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Exactly. Torquil's gone.

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-BANG <

-Ahh!

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BOTH: Chip!

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COOKIE LAUGHS

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Chip...

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Chip, you're alive!

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Course I'm alive, and I've stopped your zombie.

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You cut off Torquil's head?

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Cutting off its head stops its brain speaking to its body

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so I tried freezing his brain by dropping ice cream on his head.

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-What flavour?

-And it worked?

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Yeah. He's unconscious.

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THUNDERCLAPS

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THEY SCREAM

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-Eugh!

-I should have used raspberry ripple.

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Need...brains.

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Chip! Don't hurt him - I'll never get that job!

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Forget the job! What about Chip?

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Create a diversion!

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I've been thinking. We've got SO much in common.

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I'm a girl, you're a boy.

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I'm the living, you're the living...dead.

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We were made for each other. Fancy a bite some time?

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Not me!

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That wasn't really what I meant. Sorry.

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-Careful, he's coming for you!

-Who knew staying in could be so much fun?

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Do something, Cookie!

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Do something Cooking? It's a long shot, but...

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HE SINGS

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COOKIE LAUGHS

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I know, get her to scream.

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Frenchy, scream!

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I can do that!

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SHE SCREAMS

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What was that?

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A recipe that makes people fail their exams.

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Replaces their brain with sand.

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No brain, no zombie appetite. See?

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Phew. Just in time. Good recipe.

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-Frenchy, come on!

-# Yeah, yeah, yeah! #

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Take Frenchy.

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BONES CRUNCH

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At least he won't be getting through the front door.

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Whoa, this is from an X File I haven't read.

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THEY SCREAM

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More zombies!

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No, Chip, it's worse than that.

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It's Dad!

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Somebody let us in, please!

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Any time this century would be nice.

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-We are in SO much trouble!

-Technically, you're in charge.

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-Stall them.

-What?

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Improvise. And get that human egg timer to shut up!

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I have to find Torquil and hide him.

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-He's not outside.

-Well, where is he?

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CRASHING Did that come from your room?

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He must have gone up the fire escape!

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Sorry. Door's jammed. What's the weather like out there?

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It's awful. The barbie was rained off.

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It's brightened up now. I'd go back if I were you.

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Chip! Let us in!

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I can't... Urrrgh! This stuff's got wedged behind the door, and...

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Arrrrgh! ..I can't seem to be able to move it. Ooorghh!

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Chip. I'm looking straight at you.

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You're not moving.

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-LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

-Yeah, well, I'm, er...

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I'm thinking about moving.

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Right. You've got two minutes before he works out he can break glass.

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-What's the plan?

-No time to explain,

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but I need a skydiving suit and a ski mask.

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Open the door, this minute.

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All right, all right.

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Oooh!

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Chip, what are you doing?

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It's a sort of modified body-pop with a bit of moonwalking thrown in.

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-I wouldn't be seen dead in that.

-Zombies can smell human flesh,

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so to sneak up on him, I need to smell non-human.

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-The only person I know who doesn't smell human is...

-BOTH: Minty!

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They love me!

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All right, enough. Out of the way, Chipolata.

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HE WHIMPERS

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Can I just point out that I'm not technically in charge here?

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Wha... What...what?!

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Have you guys been having a party?

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Without me?!

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Here, zombie, zombie...

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Oh! It's working! Now...in for the kill.

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You're gonna kill him? Cool!

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It might affect your chances of that job with Mike, but it's worth it!

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-No! I'm just keeping him at bay till the recipe wears off.

-Aarrgh!

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-What do zombies love more than a human brain?

-Bucket of brains?

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I'm talking zombie Torquil here.

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-Ahhhh!

-Doughnuts!

-Doughnuts.

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HE SNARLS

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We haven't had a party. But there's a logical explanation for this.

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Torquil's turned into a zombie.

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-What?

-Where's Lulu?

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-Getting her brains eaten out(?)

-Probably.

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You try stopping a zombie. It's not as easy as it says on the internet.

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Go on, Torquie, get 'em in!

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Go on! Go on, get them!

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Ohh! Hi, Dad...

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This probably looks a bit wrong.

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The one thing we told you not to give him. Doughnuts.

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Look, he's hyperactive already!

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Look at that sugar rush. You know what happens after a sugar rush...

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Ohh! Sugar crash!

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And, er, technically, he did taste the sweet frosting of a doughnut

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before midnight so...round one, Torqu!

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Hey! Responsible enough for a job, eh?

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And...what are you wearing?

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Ohh, Lulu!

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It's totally dope that you wanna look like me.

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Let me show you how to compose an outfit.

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You can't throw everything on at once. Aww...

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Hang on.

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That's not my...

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BOTH: Lulu!

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SHE TUTS

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Oops!

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You missed a bit.

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What?

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Well, you wanted a job, didn't you?

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Only, um...six more years till you've paid off the damage.

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Mmmm!

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Hey. You do know that mop's magic?

0:20:530:20:55

You mean it can do the work for me?

0:20:550:20:57

No, it's got a built-in squeegee and absorbent fibres!

0:20:570:21:00

SHE CACKLES

0:21:000:21:03

Oh, hey. You feeling, um...OK?

0:21:060:21:10

Fine. It's like my brain had a holiday.

0:21:100:21:14

A beach holiday.

0:21:140:21:16

So...got my wish. Great job, huh(?)

0:21:160:21:20

Well, most Saturday jobs are brain-rot boring.

0:21:200:21:23

Be easier to do if you were a zombie.

0:21:230:21:25

Don't even think about it!

0:21:260:21:29

HE GROANS LIKE A ZOMBIE

0:21:360:21:39

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:530:21:56

E-mail [email protected]

0:21:560:21:59

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