Cake Expectations Jinx


Cake Expectations

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# Can you keep a secret? Sneaky and a treat

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# A dash of something tasty

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# Just you wait and see

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# The magic in my story Turned you upside down indeed

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# No matter what the trouble is I've got a recipe

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# Mixing up the flavour

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# With a trick right up my sleeve

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# Stir it up a little more And then we're going to see

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# Cooking up a story That is good for magazines

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# Sprinkle this Sprinkle that

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# Stir it up and see. #

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Welcome to my book presentation.

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The book is a Victorian novel,

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based on greed and salvation.

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And, on page 6,

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there is a lovely picture of Scrooge,

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waving his stick at a guest.

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I cannot believe Penny gets to do her book presentation

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on pop-up Scrooge.

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I love Charles Dickens. I once spent a year living in his beard.

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Hey, it was the 19th century. Times were tough.

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...and the paper smells really nice.

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The end!

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A marvellous presentation, darling.

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I mean...Penny. And tomorrow we will be hearing from Lulu,

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on her Victorian novel, Bleak Times,

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by William Warlord Trockeray,

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if she's read it.

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I have read it, actually.

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And I'm going to do a brilliant presentation.

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Truly brilliant, you can, er, read my notes if you like.

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I haven't read it. I'm going to do a terrible presentation,

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truly terrible! What am I going to do?

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Don't panic. What's the book?

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Bleak Times.

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My aunt Marissa read that to me when I was a boy.

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So you know what happens?

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No, I used to stuff ravioli in my ears so I couldn't hear it.

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It's a dreadful book.

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Well, then, just give it a terrible review without reading it.

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I do that all the time at Teen Scene.

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Oh, it's the Jonas Brothers! All three of them!

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What am I going to do? I hope Frenchy's got a plan.

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DRAMATIC CHORD STRIKES

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That's your plan? Read the book?

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It's a wonderful story. It's about a family called the Dozzlewits,

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and they're swindled out of all their money by an evil workhouse owner.

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They have to live in a workhouse, and scrub the fl...

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Mr Baker, is that spaghetti in your ears?

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Sorry, I couldn't find any ravioli.

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Come on, Lu. What if it was you, Mike, Minty and Torquil

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thrown into a workhouse. Can you imagine that? Think of the filth,

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the squalor.

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Sounds like Torquil's bedroom.

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Enjoy your meal.

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Anyway,

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in the end a kind gentleman discovers the truth,

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and races to tell them that they're rich.

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After 600 pages? There has to be a short cut.

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Funny you should say that.

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I'm not sure this is scholarly.

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Of course it is.

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The fiction flapjacks will send me inside the book.

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I'll be living it, as one of the characters.

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That's even more scholarly than watching it on DVD.

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-But how do you get back out?

-Relax,

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as long as nothing bad happens to this book, I should just

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pop back out when it finishes.

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Right. Just pour the mixture onto the cover,

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and leave it to steep overnight.

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It'll be safe to eat by morning?

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Yep, it'll be ready to eat.

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Safe.

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Ready.

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ALARM CLOCK BLEEPS

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Cookie!

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Cookie!

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It tastes a bit papery. Are you sure it's all right?

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Yeah, I've done it loads of times. It's only ever gone wrong...

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Well, it always goes wrong, but it's supposed to taste like that.

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What do you mean, "it always goes wrong"?

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Oh...

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Amy, what are you about? Hurry, or we'll be turned out.

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Torquil! Look at all this! Isn't it great? A real workhouse.

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I'm wearing genuine rags, and this, this is a bucket of actual...

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..slop?

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Who's Torquil? 'Tis I, Tom, your brother.

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Oh, right. You're a character.

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Ma! Pa! Something ails my sister.

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Wow. This is freaky.

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He looks like my dad, and she looks like your...

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Right, you're the mum and dad.

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Come, child.

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If Miss Pettgrind should see you loitering...

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Oh! Oh, I feel faint to think what could happen.

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Mrs Dozzlewit! Can you not see all is lost?

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She's lost her brittle mind...

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Oh, and I am to blame.

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If only I hadn't allowed our inheritance to mysteriously

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disappear in suspicious circumstances!

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Ah, the money, yeah! I...

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Ooops, nearly gave that away!

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Anyway, now you're all here, I have to ask you,

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what do we think the moral of this story is?

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What is going on here? Why are you not about your daily toil?

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You, boy. Back up your chimney. You,

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get cooking those rats.

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And you...

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Oh, just ignore me. You do your thing, I'm just taking notes.

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-I'm not really Amy, I'm Lulu.

-And if that is the case,

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then where, pray, is Amy?

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So, is it working? Oh, it's made your hair curl.

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What manner of clothing is this?

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You what? Lu?

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Heavens, where am I?

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Oh, yeah. I forgot this happens. They swap places.

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You're out of a book, dearie, yeah?

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This is the 21st century?

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You...you can't see me, can you?

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Oh, well. You're only 150 years adrift in the future,

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you'll be fine!

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Urgh, rat's tail, urgh! Pwoar, urrgh!

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Very nice. What's for pudding?

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Miss Dozzlewit.

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I cannot linger, but I find myself unable to contain the hope

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that I may shortly bring you the most excellent tidings!

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-Ha, it's Chip!

-Forgive me, I bring no chips.

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Shine your shoes, guv'nor?

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I cannot divulge more at present,

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but suffice it to say that you may soon find your

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circumstances greatly transformed!

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Ah, you're the bloke who finds out about all our money being nicked.

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Sir, you are a scoundrel for attempting

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to raise my family's spirits. Can't you see,

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all hope is lost! It's lost!

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What is the meaning of all of this?

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Oh, oh, young Mr Clenlow, what a delightful surprise.

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Eurina, dearest! See, Mr Clenlow has come to pay his respects.

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Mrs Pettgrind, Miss Pettgrind.

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Forgive me, I am in haste. I'll bid you good day.

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Such a fine young man,

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and he clearly has feelings for you, Eurina.

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Yeah, feelings of nausea.

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Insolence! No gruel for three days.

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Make it three years, and you've got a deal!

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No! Don't punish us, Amy don't mean nothing by it!

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I hope so.

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We wouldn't want to see you turned out onto the freezing streets,

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now, would we?

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Mother! Father! Why are you so changed?

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SHE GASPS

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What are these candles, that neither flicker nor fade?

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-And such hideous colours, which assault the eyes.

-Oi!

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They're not hideous colours, they're natural pigmentation.

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-Lulu, get ready for school.

-Lulu?

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Lulu!

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How did the magic go? It didn't go wrong, did it?

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Magic? Am I under some form of enchantment?

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-Who are you?

-I think that answers my question.

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Stone!

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Now blow my nose.

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SHE BLOWS HER NOSE

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Enough.

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Do you think me cruel, Amy?

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If I am, it is because life has treated me cruelly.

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Stone!

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I had a true love once,

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a soldier. When he left, he swore he'd write to me every day,

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yet I never heard a word.

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Wonder why?!

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Stone!

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I wish I knew. Now, mother wishes me to marry that clot Clenlow.

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And you're such a catch(!)

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Stone!

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She's almost as bad as Penny!

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How much are we getting paid for this gig?

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Paid?! Oh, the girl is demented!

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This family will never see so much as another ha'penny again!

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Oh, woe on us all!

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Amy, such thoughts!

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Oh, I will surely swoon!

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All right, calm down!

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Look, it doesn't matter anyway because very soon,

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Mr Clenlow will come rushing in to tell you

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that Mrs Pettgrind stole all your cash.

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BOTH: Mrs Pettgrind?!

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Servant, fetch me some coal.

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Do you mind? I am trying to have a conversation here.

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Cor, some people!

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How dare you!

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How dare I?

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How dare you!

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Amy, I bring wonderful news!

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BOTH: Amy!

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Amy? Amy Dozzlewit!

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So, you're a character from this book.

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That means Lulu's still inside.

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Better keep this safe, or she'll never get out.

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This is divine. Is...is all your food like this?

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What, full of fat and sugar? Pretty much.

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Look, if you and Lulu don't swap back soon,

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you might have to do a small book presentation.

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Where are they? What has transpired?

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-Er, you had some news, remember?

-News?

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Who are you? Unhand me!

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Alas, this man has lost his wits. His news is forgotten!

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Oh, we are doomed!

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But the story's not meant to end like this!

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Mr Clenlow, surely you know me?

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Your countenance is familiar, but...

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Let me introduce myself. I am your oldest friend,

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and you are betrothed to my daughter.

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What? No! No, no, no. You're our friend,

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and you came here to tell us that she stole all our money!

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Oh! The ingratitude,

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after everything I've done for them!

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You, girl, are a confounded ingrate!

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How could you so malign this kind lady?

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Madam, you need some air.

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You changed the ending?

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Aaah! It's the same every time!

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Teenage girl into an intricately plotted story,

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and what happens? Disaster.

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Yeah, for them. What's the problem?

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Nothing much, just you're trapped here forever.

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Forever?

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Yep. Just like your great aunt Beth, in "Noddy Goes To Toyland".

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But she's happy, she likes it.

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-Well, apart from being a skittle.

-Cookie, I have to get out of here.

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Think of something!

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Well, I suppose if you can find a way to make the proper ending happen,

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that might work?

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-"Might work"?

-Chill out, at least you're not a skittle. Hoo-hoo!

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Cookie!

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This is too much, my poor heart!

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Ssshh!

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You're certain Clenlow told you the Pettgrinds stole our fortune?

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Yes, sort of. We just need to find some evidence,

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then I can get away from you weirdos!

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I mean, live happily ever after again!

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-Ooh, old letters, give us a look.

-Get off!

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Sorry, invisible fairy. I'll deal with this in private.

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"My dear Eurina,

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"how I missy-wiss you, your eyes, your mouth,

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-"your cross little frowny-wowny face?"

-That's no good,

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that's just a bunch of soppy old love letters.

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What is the meaning of this?

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Thieves,

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hooligans!

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That was the most amazing book presentation I have ever heard.

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Well, it is my life.

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Mrs Kilbraith was stunned. Did you see her face?

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Lulu will be so pleased when you swap back.

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Swap back?

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Yeah. When you go back into the book.

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I had not considered that.

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I will not return to the workhouse!

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Such betrayal, on what should be a day of rejoicing -

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the marriage of Eurina to Mr Clenlow!

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Amy, help me get changed for our celebratory dinner.

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Hi, er, minor problem, nothing to worry about.

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Frenchy's lost the book, probably going to be destroyed.

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-What?!

-Oh, did I say "minor problem"? I meant, "major disaster"!

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What am I going to do?

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Get back to the proper ending. Stop him from marrying her,

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stop them from dying in the snow,

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get him his memory back, get them their money back,

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not necessarily in that order, and in five minute or less. Bye!

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OK, OK. What am I going to do? Think. Think!

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My dress!

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Of course, yes, I'll...

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Of course! Yes.

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Must have you looking nice for your loveless marriage.

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Still, at least it'll stop you going on about that soldier.

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I beg your pardon?!

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You know, that soppy soldier whose letters you never replied to.

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How dare you!

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It was he who failed to write to me, and he wasn't soppy.

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"My diddliest, darling dumpling.

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"How your icky-wicky Wobert aches to gaze into your smoochy-woochy,

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-"lovely..."

-Give me that!

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Where did you find this?

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In a box with all of these.

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I wouldn't worry, your mother just probably hid them from you

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-because she didn't want you to be happy.

-"Did-diddly, diddly Robert"?

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COOKIE MAKES VOMITING NOISES

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Mother!

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..and I thought, instead of hiring a carriage,

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the bride could be carried to the church by orphans.

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Mrs Pettgrind, are you sure that's...seemly?

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Did I say "orphans"? I meant o-o-o-ostriches.

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-Mother!

-Why, hello, dearest.

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What is the meaning of this?

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Oh, heavens. Please, Eurina, I did it for you.

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-That soldier, he wasn't a suitable match.

-But she loved him!

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-But she loved him.

-Yes, but I loved him.

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Love. No-one ever became rich through love.

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Oh, that's so like her!

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-That is so like her.

-That is so like you.

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Everything I have done, Eurina, I have done for you.

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Bet that's what she said when she swindled the Dozzlewits!

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She did! That's exactly what she said!

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I swindled them FOR you!

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Mrs Pettgrind!

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Mr Clenlow, you mustn't listen to us!

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Is it getting hot in here?

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Frenchy! Frenchy!

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Oi, Frenchy!

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Frenchy!

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FRENCHY COUGHS

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Madam, you can fool me no longer. My memory has returned.

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What? Oh, that's just your imagination, I...

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You, Madam, are a deplorable rogue,

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a villain. You have no more right to my attention than the lowest turnip.

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Begone, before I call the peelers.

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Oh...oh, Eurina!

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My dearest Amy...

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Frenchy!

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Frenchy!

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Aaah!

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Frenchy...aah!

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Ah! Oh! Oh! Ah!

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THE BOOK CRASHES DOWN

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-Aah!

-Aaaah!

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My dearest Amy,

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I'm forever your servant, and I pray that you can...

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Er, yeah, whatever. Come on, get the Dozzlewits back in here

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and the ending on track, I have no time. Come on, move!

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Oh! Aah! Oooh!

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THEY STRUGGLE NOISILY

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That's not very ladylike!

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Mr and Mrs Dozzlewit,

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young Tom, how I have wronged you.

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But I promise you...

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-Yeah, yeah. Skip to the end, tell them they're rich.

-You're rich!

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Right, just one more thing. I need a favour.

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Name it!

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Yeah... Er, can you write a short letter?

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I'll tell you what to put.

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How could you?

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How could you leave her in that book forever?

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She'll be all right, I made her rich before I left.

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Lulu?

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Lulu!

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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Ah, Lulu.

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That presentation,

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not bad. I've given you a C-.

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What? But it was amazing!

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It was entertaining,

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but highly irregular.

0:20:460:20:48

You obviously do know the book very well.

0:20:480:20:50

-Well, I'm sure you know it better than me, Mrs Kilbraith.

-Obviously.

0:20:500:20:54

Perhaps we could compare notes some time?

0:20:540:20:56

And I was wondering what you thought of Mr Clenlow's letter at the end?

0:20:560:21:00

What? There is no such letter.

0:21:000:21:03

I think you'll find there is.

0:21:030:21:05

Utter nonsense. Have you seen this well-thumbed copy, Lulu, hmmm?

0:21:050:21:09

I've had this since I was at school myself.

0:21:090:21:12

Oh!

0:21:170:21:18

"Dear Mrs Kilbraith, you and Penny are a pair of stinky old witches.

0:21:180:21:23

"Boo, sucks. Regards, Mr Clenlow."

0:21:230:21:26

How the Dickens did that get in there?

0:21:290:21:31

Not Dickens, Mrs Kilbraith. Not even Trockeray.

0:21:310:21:35

Baker. Lulu Baker.

0:21:350:21:40

Subtitles by Sam Parish Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:490:21:52

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0:21:520:21:56

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