Flavour of the Month Jinx

# Can you keep a secret? Sneaky and a treat

# A dash of something tasty

# Just you wait and see

# The magic in my story Turned you upside down indeed

# No matter what the trouble is I've got a recipe

# Mixing up the flavour

# With a trick right up my sleeve

# Stir it up a little more And then we're going to see

# Cooking up a story That is good for magazines

# Sprinkle this Sprinkle that

# Stir it up and see. #

And, furthermore,

I put it to you, that although your premise may seem water-tight,

you're wrong.

And I'm right. And I'm better than you.

I don't know what you see in debating.

I've heard more heated discussions in the library.

Can we spice this up a bit?

How?

-Set a troll on them?

-No.

-I've got one.

-No!

-He's keen!

-NO!

Ah!

No...reason for me to interrupt. Carry on!

It's very interesting.

This is painful.

How did Penny even get into the semi-finals?

Yeah, I wonder, with her mum being the teacher and all.

You're bound to win the finals though, Frenchy.

The audience vote on it and you're way better than Penny.

-There's nothing Mrs Kilbraith can do.

-There's no need for a vote,

Penny wins!

Oh, come on.

Clap!

Oh! Those two make me so mad.

If I had any power, I'd never abuse it like them.

-How would you abuse it?

-In nice ways!

I've only got two words to say to you.

Penny...wins...debate.

That's three words.

No,

because Penny is one word,

not two.

Penny, debating is all about persuading people

using intelligent argument.

You couldn't persuade a cows bum to blow off.

I could and I have.

Frenchy's got the final in the bag

and there's nothing you and your mum can do about it.

-What's my mum got to do with it?

-Ah, Frenchy.

Congratulations,

you've been selected to take minutes at the PTA meeting.

-Lucky me.

-Unfortunately,

it is scheduled at the same time as the debating final.

-What? But I need to be...

-Since you thoughtlessly are

unable to attend, I'll just have to award the trophy to Penny.

No way.

Well, we can't have Penny debating with herself, can we?

And since there's nobody else, that's what I'll have to do.

I'll do it.

Of course I can beat Penny.

This green thing on my dinner could outsmart her.

There's more to it.

You have to know your subject, develop an argument,

round off with a devastating conclusion.

I was planning on making fun of her.

Yeah, that's not really allowed.

But that's why I took this gig!

-Can you sponsor me?

-Only if it's sponsoring you to emigrate.

It's a sponsored - Lulu gives me all her money.

in aid of my homeless rat.

Clive isn't homeless, he's got a disgusting cage.

Yes, a small, cramped, disgusting cage.

I want a large, spacious, disgusting cage.

But my mum's skint cos we have to pay for your

stupid school theatre trip.

Oh, what a shame.

You may as well rent out your rat for experiments

and give me the free shampoo.

I'll get that money somehow.

This is war.

Mmm!

What is that?

This is the special.

Enjoying Minty's new healthy menu?

How's the okra and mung bean burger?

I'd say disgusting, but flattery isn't my style.

Yes its a complex combination of, eh, flavours.

Wait till it hits your stomach.

SHE GAGS

We don't seem to be selling many though,

so if you could make loud appreciative noises

while you're eating it...?

Mmm-mm!

Now's your chance, practise your persuasion skills.

Dad?

Can I have a normal burger?

HE LAUGHS

Course not.

Can I have no burger?

Mmm-mmm!

Loud appreciative noises, remember?

I'm gonna have to polish your attack, punch home your case

and crush your opponent.

It's debating Frenchy, not jiu-jitsu I'm gonna be fine.

It's not like I'm some mug who goes along with everything anyone says.

-Swap?

-Yep.

I think you'll find there's very little you can teach me.

Woah!

Who did that?

It wasn't me!

I know what he's up to.

He's trying to get my trip cancelled so he can have the money

-for his scabby rat.

-Calm!

Argh! If he wants war, I'll give him war.

Seriously, calm!

It's rule one...

of debating.

Number two - facts.

Know your facts.

Three -

logic.

Think clearly and coolly.

There's nothing about cushion strangling,

-but I think it's generally frowned upon.

-Fine.

Three things, I can do three things. I could even do four at a push.

Great.

Number four.

"The Very Very Long Guide To Debating."

A little light reading,

we'll have you as good as Penny in a couple of days.

Better! Better than Penny.

BELL RINGS

And that is why Ponies are better than spaceships.

Oh no, sci-fi crisis!

-You're really getting the hang of this.

-Yep.

I managed to argue that a stitch in time doesn't save nine,

that blood isn't thicker than water

and that a rolling stone does gather moss!

The way I'm feeling, I can convince anyone of anything.

Have you, em, had your topic for the debate this afternoon?

-No.

-That's because I've been keeping it from you.

Only because I hate you.

I'm going to be arguing for

save the dolphins.

You're gonna argue the opposite of that.

What's the opposite of save the dolphins, kill the dolphins?

Kill the dolphins.

Tough. Still, I'm sure you'll manage it.

Kill the dolphins!

KILL the dolphins!

Calm.

How am I gonna win that argument, there's no way!

Unless...

Sound's like my cue.

That'll be Cookie then. I've got her sussed.

Ignore her. What have you got?

Forgetful scones.

Forgetful scones? So Penny forgets how to debate?

Yeah and who she is, where she is,

how to speak and how to breathe!

OK, so forget the forgetful scones.

Do you have anything that won't involve an ambulance?

Well...there's honey cakes,

but they do make everyone who eats them completely adore you

and agree with everything you say - who'd want that!

Me, I do! Cookie, Cookie!

Cookie! You...

Ponies...

better than spaceships?

Chip...

Will you hand these out for me?

It'll take more than a free cake to swing this for you.

That's right.

There's no way you'll win anyone over with these...

delicious cakes!

Mmm! Gosh, this is nice!

Lulu, you're up first.

I...

I'm, er, speaking...

Em...

I...

I am proposing that dolphins...

are the enemies of humanity.

ALL: Boo!

Let me finish! Chip!

We all know that dolphins perform tricks, but why?

We need to think about this very carefully.

Let's break it down, fact by fact.

The tricks of the dolphins,

what's going on?

What's in it for them, what are they really up to?

Mike!

Mike, I was just...

tidying Lulu's room and I found this photo.

Not again!

I don't know what's got into her.

She's behaving like a prank-obsessed ten year old boy.

I look like I've been airbrushed by Banksy.

I've a good mind to cancel this theatre trip.

Don't be too tough on her, Bunny.

She can't help feeling challenged by my remarkable good looks.

OK. But one more stunt like this and she's grounded.

That'd be such a shame. I hope that doesn't happen.

Can I just confirm,

It is only one more thing, yeah?

And that is why I say to you all that there will be no peace

or justice in this world until we have eliminated the dolphin threat!

Lulu's amazing!

Genius, I love her!

Lulu, Lulu, Lulu!

ALL: Lulu, Lulu, Lulu!

SHE SCREAMS

Shh!

We won!

-Anything to do with the cakes?

-No, everything to do with the cakes!

Lulu's cakes are so nice, they make me wanna cry.

Well, wish I could have been there. Wish I could have won.

Yeah, but still, at least Penny lost.

Hooray, I lost!

Still, you're right, you should have won the trophy.

Of course!

How could I not have realised?

Here,

You deserve this. If it wasn't for your selfless sacrifice,

we would never have heard the wisdom of Lulu.

Pretty cool, huh?

They really adore you.

-Will they do anything you say?

-Maybe, I don't know.

-I won, maybe we should quit while we're ahead.

-Are you kidding?

Yeah, I'm kidding! Let's take these cake freaks for a ride!

Er, skip!

What a day!

What was your best bit?

Being given all the prizes Mrs Kilbraith's cheated me out of

for years.

Do you remember when I made Penny jump into a compost bin?

Yeah, that was the best bit! Wasn't it everyone?

Oh, tell us some more things,

tell us some more wonderful things!

OK.

Everyone must wear hats.

I never thought of it like that before, why didn't I see that?

Everyone must wear hats!

I'm naked!

We must find hats!

I've been thinking.

It's fun making people wear hats, but now people are listening to me,

I could use this power to really put things right, you know?

Lulu!

-Did you tear the bottom out of all my underpants?

-Of course I didn't.

Now, Lulu, we want you to be honest.

What with banana skinning the floor and giving me goofy teeth.

Giving... What?

Maybe she's under a lot of strain.

I didn't do anything, it must've been Torquil.

She did it to mine too!

Lulu, you're grounded.

You can forget the theatre thing.

Well,

-Do you have anything to say for yourself?

-Actually, I do.

Would you like a cake?

Aye.

You're in a lot of trouble, young man.

Yes, you've been a very naughty boy, Torquil.

Punish him, put him in a bath full of beans.

Smear his head in pilchards then feed him to a hungry pelican.

And so, don't do it again.

Is that it?

I was going to be grounded.

-Do you think we should punish him more, mighty Lulu?

-Of course!

Why is everyone listening to Lulu?

Stop blathering, go and sew my underpants, young man.

Pants.

See, everything's gonna turn out great.

Just make sure the power doesn't go to your head, OK?

Go to my head?

And everyone should eat at Ginas.

I've designed the new menu and everything is deep-fried.

-We should all go there at lunchtime!

-ALL: Yeah!

I want to live at Ginas!

Tell us more things to do, Lulu!

Your homework, oh Great One.

-Oh Great One?

-Just a nickname.

It's a bit of a weird nickname.

It's not weird when you are the Great One!

A star star star!

It was a work of genius.

You've reinvented maths.

And to think, we've all been doing it wrong for thousands of years!

E minus minus minus!

Yes. Your answers were different from the Great One's.

Er, yeah! Because they were right!

Forget it, Frenchy.

You know what? Let's just ban homework.

Brilliant idea!

We don't have to work any more!

We have found perfection in Lulu!

It's the end of all human endeavour.

I like homework.

THEY ALL GASP

What? I do!

Why are they looking at me weird?

You have defied the Great One.

Why are you being so awkward, Frenchy? You're upsetting me!

Thank you.

Look. Just relax and do what I say like everyone else.

Is this what you wanted?

Seriously, look at them.

It is pretty cool.

I can't believe Frenchy can't see how cool this is.

Forget about her, you've got an army of mindless drones!

I mean, what's wrong with having people listen to me for a change?

Why is she being so difficult?

Friendship is difficult, that's why it's better to have mindless drones.

Besides, look at all the fun we're having without her!

Wee-e-e!

Em, hi. Is that the bank manager? This is Michael Baker's daughter.

Did you get the cakes I sent?

Ahh!

Everyone must eat deep-fried food and wear hats.

Dad! Guess what?

I've got you a huge loan, you're not skint any more!

Hooray, I'm in massive debt!

Please, not my stuff!

But Lulu said we must punish you!

-Guys, what are you doing?

-We're selling his things,

we must punish Torquil, like you said.

OK, Torquil. War's over. I declare a truce. Just be normal.

Of course. We should be normal!

-Am I being normal in a normal enough way?

-Yes, yes.

I'm being normal enough too, is this normal enough?

Should we be normal and punish Torquil?

Bad Torquil, go and live in a dustbin!

No, stop it!

It's not right, stop agreeing with everything I say!

Of course, Lulu's right. We must disagree with everything she says.

What a brilliant mind.

Actually, I just meant don't put Torquil in a dustbin.

So that means we must put Torquil in a dustbin.

-Oh no, everything's going wrong.

-Yes, it's all going right!

I see that now!

Torquil, run!

ALL: Put in in a dustbin! Catch him!

I think we've lost them.

-The deep-fried fudge has slowed them down.

-Get off, leave me alone.

-Torquil, you have to trust me.

-I don't need your help.

ALL: Catch him!

Now I need your help!

THEY ALL SHOUT

This way!

Trapped!

-Ahh!

-Woah!

Thank goodness! Frenchy!

-Torquil!

-What are you doing here?

OK, so I sneak in here sometimes to do homework for pleasure.

Call the nerd police and have me arrested.

What are you doing?

Hiding from my mindless drones.

ALL: Torquil!

Barricade the door!

ALL: Torquil, Torquil, Torquil!

What happened?

Well, you were right. All the adoration went to my head

and they kept doing everything I said, so I told them to stop -

-now they won't listen to anything I say!

-What are we gonna do!

Ahh!

OK. So, rule one.

Calm.

THEY ALL CHANT

Can you be calm, but, like, in a hurry?

I get it. Number two - facts.

What exactly did you say to them?

Er, not to agree with anything I said.

So, rule three...

Logic.

What do you need to do?

-There he is, get him!

-Ah!

I've got it! Everyone, everyone!

Remember you mustn't believe anything I say. So...

This is Torquil.

I'm telling you all now, that this is Torquil.

Then, therefore, that isn't Torquil.

So, we can't get him?

-Brilliant!

-And you should all stay here,

Stay awake and remember everything that's happened

since you ate my cakes.

You know what? I'm going to go home, go to bed

and forget everything that's happened since I ate those cakes.

Me too!

Well done, Lu, you did it!

I knew you'd save him... or fail, I had money on both sides.

I'm so proud of you, Lu.

Logic beats magic every time.

Yeah, stupid logic.

Ahh!

I can't believe Mrs Kilbraith quadrupled our homework.

I know, isn't it brilliant?

Still, at least she didn't remember

the real reason why it was banned in the first place.

Oh Great One!

Yep, everything seems pretty much back to normal.

Here's a lovely glass of raw pumpkin juice for you both.

Very much back to normal. But, Torquil seems a bit jumpy.

Hello, Sweetie.

Ahh!

That may not be a bad thing.

-Oh!

-Eurgh!

Did it take you long to track down everybody you'd given a cake to?

Most of the night. But I've got this nagging feeling I've missed someone.

Er, cottontail, what's all that?

It's a delivery...

from the bank!

I think I may have just remembered who I missed.

"Dear Lulu Baker, please find enclosed your father's loan of...

"..ten million pounds"!

Lulu!

I may need the forgetful scones after all!

Dad, I can completely explain.

# La, la, la, la, la, La, la, la, la

# La, la, la, la, la, la, la

# La, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la

# La, la... #

Subtitles by Kirsty McLaren Red Bee Media Ltd

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