Proof of the Pudding Jinx

# Can you keep a secret? Sneaky and a treat

# A dash of something tasty Just you wait and see

# The magic in my story Turns you upside down indeed

# No matter what the trouble is I've got a recipe

# Mixing up the flavour With a trick right up my sleeve

# Stir it up a little more And then we're gonna see

# Cooking up a story that is good for magazines

# Sprinkle this, sprinkle that

# Stir it up and see. #

Unbelievable!

The cheek of the man.

It's not Gordon Ramsay calling you out again, is it?

Even worse.

It's from my brother, Paolo...

in Italy.

-I didn't know you had a brother.

-Of course I have, I'm Italian.

20 years, not a word.

Oh, now he says he apologises for everything

and he wants to come and stay.

Apologises for what?

There was an incident... back in the old country.

Dunfermline?

Napoli.

It was the eve of the Sacro Dolce Dessert Festival.

And Nonna had made her famous cream pudding for the event.

She put it in the fridge,

she swore none of us was allowed to touch it.

And that very night,

it was eaten by someone,

a traitorous, underhand thief.

-BOTH: Ohh!

-Yeah.

Was it you?

No, it wasn't me! It was Paolo.

But he hid the spoon in my bedroom

-and

-I

-got the blame.

Fiendish! I like it.

Surely that's all forgotten now?

-I mean, family's important, blood's thicker than blancmange!

-Uh!

In Napoli, pudding betrayal is a seriously big deal.

Paolo will never be welcome here.

-Never?

-That's what he said.

Well, that was a waste of time. It took me ages to forge that letter

and the one to Paolo.

Come on, it was only a couple of pages.

That's the last favour I do for you.

I had to learn fluent Italian.

That's an afternoon I won't get back.

I told you, who needs letters? I could've magicked him over.

You said that would've turned him inside out.

Cookie being distinctly helpful.

There was a 3% chance it would've been fine.

You gotta take a little risk now and again.

OK, OK, let's not give up hope.

We can still get them back together...

..and I know exactly how to do it.

Please, please, please, please, please, please,

please see Uncle Paolo.

See him...please.

He says he's sorry.

He's not a good person, Lulu.

One time, he pinned a sausage to the back of my trousers.

I was chased by this pack of dogs all the way through the city,

down to the harbour and almost off the end of the jetty.

I'd have fallen in the sea if not for a couple of Dobermans

who were tugging on my underpants.

What's funny?

Um...

-is this him?

-Aye.

Where did you get this?

Oh, I just...found it...

when I was accidentally...rummaging through your stuff.

He is family, Dad. Nonna would love her grandsons to be friends again...

-wouldn't she?

-D'you think I should give him a chance, Lulu?

Use puppy dog eyes, never fails.

I'd love to meet a long lost...

forbidden relative from across the seas.

Well...

I suppose...if he's big enough to apologise...

..then I'm big enough to accept his apology.

Ohhhh, great!

-Ah!

-He's coming in the morning.

I phoned... HE, he phoned earlier.

I'll make Nonna's special pudding in his honour.

It'll be my pudding of forgiveness...

..with extra cream.

Result!

Oh.

Richest, creamiest,

most delicate pudding you'll ever set eyes on.

-Wow.

-Can I have a taste?

Woah. Steady, Tarzan.

Until tomorrow, I won't even let the Queen poke her finger into it.

Is that likely?

Pfft, you know these Royals,

they're a law unto themselves.

Ooh, Your Majesty.

Thanks a lot.

How do I look?

Honey Bunny, you look...

There's only one word for it...iconic.

Aaah! He's here, he's here.

Aah!

Dad, Minty, may I introduce...

-IN ITALIAN ACCENT:

-It's a-Paolo.

Michele?

My brother,

I longed for this moment.

Ah... I squeeze for every year I no see you.

One, two...

-three...

-Help me!

Erm... Uncle Paolo...

..this is Minty.

Benvenuto, Paolo.

-Oh, Minty-y-y!

-Oh!

Parla Italiano?

Ohhh, Pinocchio!

Mmm, Minty, such a beautiful name.

It's like a toothpaste, or an indigestion tablet.

Aye, all right, Paolo.

This is my daughter,

Lulu.

Lulu!

Huh-uh.

Ah, Lulu's a divine young lady.

Oh, Michele, its-a bellissimo!

Oh...

mmm!

-Mmm!

-He's nice.

Aye, but he hasn't tried to pin a sausage on anyone yet.

You sell ice cream!

Mmm...

..I like it.

-Go and get the surprise.

-Huh!

Paolo...

..we need to talk...

..about the past.

About...

..the pudding.

I'll just...

My brother,

many years go by, but now we must...

forget about this pudding!

12, 13, 14...

-15...

-As a gesture of goodwill...

Nonna's...special...

pudding!

You bring me all this way to insult me...

with a creamy splodge?

Where is it?

Torky!

What have you got there?

This?

This spoon of my ancestors.

I found it...

in Lulu's bedroom.

That was never in my room.

-Lulu...

-Dad!

-She...

..disrespects the brother of the father,

who disrespects the father, who disrespects the Nonna,

disrespects...the family.

Lulu, you disrespect the family.

Oh, Lulu!

And it was so full of calories.

Hey, Michelino.

You must punish this girl,

like Papa punish us at home.

BOTH: Aah...

..punishment.

SOBBING

Torquil eats it and I have to chop onions for a month.

And I have to stand here watching.

No, you don't.

Yeah, but where else am I going to hang out?

OK, I need to make some more friends.

Cookie thinks you should have some more friends than just me.

Like she can talk.

Being invisible makes it hard to meet people.

What's her excuse?

You should persuade Torquil to tell the truth.

Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

It could, with a little help from these.

-Chocolate buttons of truth.

-Uh.

What do they do?

Turn you into bananas, what do you think? There's a clue in the title.

OK, so the "chocolate buttons of truth" make you tell the truth?

-Give the girl a Nobel Prize.

-Nah, nah, nah!

But...they only work for five minutes.

Ask if there are side effects.

If you eat one too many, instead of speaking the truth...

you speak...

-IN DEEP VOICE:

-..the truth.

IN DEEP VOICE: The truth?

Yeah, you know, universal cosmic truth

that transcends all time and reality.

You know, that sort of rubbish.

So, were there any side effects?

No, nothing that won't be fun.

SHE SOBS

-What's that for?

-Chocolate buttons, yummy!

They look a bit green.

They're not green, they're just...

Yeah, right, they are a bit green.

But that's only because they are...

They're 400 years old.

Seriously?

They're...broccoli...

erm, spinach...

erm, mint.

Mint, they are mint-flavoured.

Why are you so desperate for me to eat buttons?

I'm not.

In fact, I don't want you to eat them,

and I'm using reverse psychology

because I know if I tell you to eat the buttons, you won't eat them,

and there'll be all the more for me.

Actually, I'll have them.

Have a few.

Actually, I'll just have one.

I ate the pudding.

Then, I put the blame on Lulu.

Erm, not right now. Say this over there.

It was me who blocked the toilets with mashed potatoes.

In a minute... Dad!

Oh, Lu, what are you doing now?

Listen to Torquil, he's got a confession to make. Come on.

The Martian antennae I sold to Chip were really cucumbers.

Not that, say the pudding bit.

I want to kiss Frenchy.

He ate the pudding,

he said it when you weren't listening.

Nice try, Lulu,

but now I've got to take this out to Paolo

and then he's going to teach me how to wrestle in olive oil.

It's great to have a brother again.

But Torky did it, I was fitted up, just like you.

Oh, why won't you believe his mindless confession?

I fed your socks to a Chihuahua.

Could things be any worse?

No!

Things can only get better,

unless they get worse.

Or, stay the same.

Oh, great. Yeah, thanks, Chip.

That's so profound.

I don't wanna hurt him. I just want...

Proof he ate the pudding. Then you need a proof pudding.

Proof pudding?

Yeah, looks like Nonna's pudding, but when you eat it,

depending on what ingredients you add,

there can be a range of incriminating side effects.

Like what?

Rampant body hair, weightlessness, uncontrollable dancing.

Anything a bit less weird?

Monkey feet, blue lips.

Blue lips, that could work, cool.

-Yeah, but this head massage, it's not worth it.

-Waah!

I hope you all know...

I made this pudding because I want to,

not because I'm feeling guilty, OK?

And none of you must touch it till the morning.

Does it smell of onions?

No, that's me.

Nobody eat it now.

Right.

Torky, why have your lips turned...

Problem, pudding-guzzler?

But I...wh..ah...

Uncle Paolo. It was you?!

No. It IS me. You need to learn better English, Lulu.

I put blue dye in the recipe, and you, you've got blue lips.

Ah...bah, yes. M-my lips a-a-are blue because...ah...

-MINTY GASPS

-You've got blue lips!

Goodness, you must be sick.

Yes! I am sick.

It is true. I am very, very sick.

Oh, Lulu, help me... Uh...oh, help me.

Ooohh-eehh...

Uuhh...aahh...

I'm really worried about Paolo. He can barely stand.

He's not ill. He has blue lips, which proves he ate the pudding.

Eh? How does blue lips prove he ate the pudding?

Because...I filled it with blue dye.

Although, admittedly,

I probably should have mentioned that before he ate it.

Oh, Lulu. First it was Torquil, now it's Paolo.

-I think you've got an issue with men.

-I do not!

They're underhand, lying thieves. Paolo and Torquil, not men.

Well, you're just going to have to learn to be a bit more tolerant,

young lady, because I'm thinking about asking Paolo to stay here

and help me run the cafe.

Dad!

PAOLO PANTS

I so hot! I burn up!

Um...Uncle Paolo, that's not my top, is it?

I just bought that.

This girl, she care much more for the clothes

than she do for the poor old uncle.

Oh, come on, that's my cereal!

Sandwich is too heavy.

I need oysters, for digestion.

Tell me...

What are you up to?

Just keep food a-coming, girl.

Va bene?

HE GROANS

Hey!

I've got Paolo's bag!

OK. So, we know he's lying about the pudding

and he's lying about being ill. I wonder what else he's lying about.

His diary! Check it out.

Oh, great. It's in Italian.

Give it here. OK.

It's bad.

Cookie!

You screeched?

-Run me through the effects of those proof puddings again.

-That's my girl.

Now, there's a body hair one, a weightlessness one,

a dancing one, a monkey feet one, a rubbery neck one...

Excellent. We'll try a few of those. Get the oven on.

All we have to do is feed him the proof pudding and prove he's not ill.

-Then, I'll show Dad the diary.

-Does your dad speak Italian?

Whaddya theenk?

The trap is set.

Operation Remove Wool From Father's Eyes is go, go, go.

HE BURPS

Dad! Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.

Can you come into the cafe a second?

I've got something important to show you.

In a minute.

What is that?

Hmmm. Panna cotta.

Light, delicate. Just what he needs to get him up and about.

I think I might have sorted that out already.

Paolo?

I see you're feeling better.

Oh, yes. He feels like dancing, don't you, Paolo?

I just can't explain it!

I can. Although, I'd have preferred him to be weightless.

Dancing is just fine.

And I seem to have suddenly grown quite a lot of body hair.

Oh, come on! I've got to have a bit of fun.

Yes. It seems that Paolo wasn't so poorly, after all.

-But let's see if this makes him feel ill again.

-Give it to me.

Oh, I don't think so! Catch!

I think the time has arrived for dancing in the street.

BARKING

FABRIC TEARING

It's unbelievable!

Did you read the bit where he said you were an idiot?

How he's going to stay here sponging food off you for ever?

Aye, he just hasn't changed a bit.

What about what he wrote about Minty?

How she dresses like an absolute...

-Yes.

-And talks like a total...

OK, Lu. That's enough.

What are you going to do to him, bunnykins?

Er...I think it may be too late.

I don't think Paolo's spoken a word of truth in his life.

Lu, I'm sorry.

I should have believed you.

It's just, you know, I just thought it would feel great

to be part of the old country again, but...

I mean, after all, he did write and apologise.

Paolo did not write that letter.

Frenchy!

OK. I kind of faked two letters.

I thought it would be nice to have a reunion.

That's sweet, Lulu.

So, you faked the letters and you ate the first pudding.

I didn't eat it. Torquil did. I told you!

Where is Torquil, anyway?

What?

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