Diabolical Acts Leonardo


Diabolical Acts

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The Medici Sapphire.

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Worn by Medici brides on their wedding day.

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Worth more than all the gold in the vault put together.

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Take it off now.

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Lorenzo.

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Ooh! Sorry, a bit of skin.

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Darlings, what a vista. Magnifico!

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The countryside lives, it breathes through your art.

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Isn't that so, Donnola?

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It's all right.

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High praise indeed.

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Your backdrop is the perfect setting for our play -

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a tale of love found, love lost, love found again.

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Well, love is pretty hard to keep hold of.

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Indeed.

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But happily, true love conquers all...

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Yes, it does.

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Ah!

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Divine amore, a fitting subject in honour of Lorenzo de' Medici

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and his most beloved fiancee, Angelica.

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A play about what?

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Amore. A young couple in love.

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Boring. I was hoping it would be a pantomime.

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It's a celebration to honour your engagement.

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Isn't that romantico, Angelica?

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Who cares about romance? At the panto we can shout,

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"He's behind you" and "Oh, no, he isn't".

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Papa's bank is paying for the play to be performed right outside

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the bank itself.

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It would be beneath its dignity to sponsor a pantomima.

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Be more fun.

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It's the theatre - you're not supposed to enjoy it.

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What about Angelica?

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I bet she doesn't want to watch a silly play about love?

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Lorenzo, a word.

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Yes, Mama?

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Your wooing needs work.

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I play the King, naturally.

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You've done an excellent job on my crown -

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the jewel looks like the real thing.

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Donnola plays Harlequin, my servant.

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-I like bowing.

-Because he likes bowing.

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And we'll be holding special auditions for the parts

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of the two young lovers.

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We really must rehearse your bow, Donnola.

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More elaborate. I am the King, after all, you must worship me.

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-I'm going to audition.

-Do you think that's a good idea?

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Boys get it all.

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Not only can girls not paint, we're not allowed to act either.

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Well, now I'm a boy, I'm having a go.

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OK, but don't try out for the girl's part.

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You can't be a girl, playing a boy, playing a girl -

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it's too confusing.

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I'll be so nervous.

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Will you come to the audition with me?

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Yeah, OK. If you like.

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Too late, it's been cast.

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Lorenzo. You need lessons in romance.

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-Lessons?

-Si.

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Imagine I were Angelica.

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-I enter the room...

-I really don't want...

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I espy you, my beloved.

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I am coy, yet pleased to see my heart's desire.

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I turn to the man of my dreams and he says...

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I feel like a total gonzo.

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Lorenzo! I see we need to go back to basics.

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Must we?

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To the woman you love you should display a manly visage -

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-straight-backed and muscular...

-Muscular?

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Present her with gifts, compliment her, listen to her views.

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I don't think she's got any.

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You'd better practise. Go on, jump to it.

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I need to rehearse. Can you read the other part?

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-Where from?

-Erm...this bit.

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"How true - that a true kiss can show true love to be so true."

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-Snappy dialogue.

-Down to where they actually kiss.

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Would that be a true love's kiss by any chance?

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Probably.

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Nobody else turned up?

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Va bene, congratulazioni, you two play the young lovers.

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I'm not auditioning.

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But you must, sweetie, you're a natural.

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And you get the best costume.

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Worn by the boy playing the girl so the audience knows who's who.

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Bellissima. Velvet hangs beautifully.

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There's a fabulous wig as well.

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Hold on, I'm not playing a girl.

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Play the boy then, let him play the girl.

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Not ideal casting, you don't really look girly enough.

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Scusi? I don't look girly enough?

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Not as girly as him, with his big, girly smile.

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Girly smile? Me?

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An actor's greatest quality, a big smile...

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..especially when the audience start throwing things.

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I could play a girl.

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I'm sure you could if you tried. Either way,

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you make a scrumptious couple.

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We rehearse in 10.

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Give me that!

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Apologies, it's terribly bad luck to touch another actor's props.

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Is this a girly smile?

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No... Yeah, yeah, it is a bit...but gorgeous.

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Angelica, may I say, you walk like a happy...peacock.

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Is that a good thing, who knows?

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And your hair goes really well with your...

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Your...nose. Hmm.

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No, that's better, complimenting appearance.

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Yeah, yeah. OK. Now listen to her views.

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Really, well that's fascinating.

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Sorry, what was that? Have I a gift for you?

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As a matter of fact... Yes.

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Some conkers and my sleeping hat. Oh, yeah.

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Not bad, Lorenzo, not bad.

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My love, if you should go, the stars would never shine again.

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That seems highly unlikely.

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Stick to the script - let's just get to the kiss.

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I mean, my line about "Handsome Virile,

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-"mine lips are thine lips", and then the kiss.

-We can't.

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This is where the King is supposed to come in. He sees us,

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beats me in a sword fight and then chains me up in prison.

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Where is Nazario?

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The bank vault's just the other side of this wall.

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And in it...the Medici Sapphire.

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This stone's huge. We'll have to blow it up.

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Oh, that'll work(!)

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You don't think an audience might just hear an explosion and see

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the stage blown to pieces, you imbecile?

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-Well, what then?

-We can't blow it up,

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but we do need something that has that kind of power.

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Ah, there you are.

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It's your line - what did you say about needing power?

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I...err...want power to raise the King through the trap door

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to show his kingliness.

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Donnola is but a small man, doesn't have the power to lift me.

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That's easy.

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You just attach a platform to some gears and a crank handle.

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That would work because...?

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You're magnifying a force by proportionally diminishing

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the distance through which the magnified force can act.

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Didn't understand a word of that. Did you?

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It would be a platform that could lift the weight of five of you.

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25, if you like - it could move anything. I could make it easily.

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Could you?

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In that case, my young inventor, fly.

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Go this very instant and build it.

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What about the rehearsal?

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What about the kiss?

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Manly visage, manly, manly, man...

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Here...a gift for you.

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-I can't accept this.

-Why?

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I didn't come second in the Florence Under 18 Open Fencing Tournament.

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No. That was me - although I still say his winning lunge missed.

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But I wanted you to have something that was precious to me,

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and that trophy is...precious.

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Ooh, Patience...

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Red seven on the black eight, surely.

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Good. Smart play.

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So...would you like to say something?

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Yes. Leave me to my game.

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As you wish. We must do this again sometime.

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METAL TAPS AGAINST ROCK

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It's a simple gear ratio.

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Both gears have teeth, but one is twice the size of the other.

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-Do you know what that means?

-It means we can go up and down.

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Si, because one gear revolves twice as much as the other,

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and that movement goes to the vertical axis.

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It's fascinating, you're brilliant. Can we rehearse now?

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We were up to "the stars would never shine again".

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-Is that just before the kiss?

-I dunno. Is it?

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Princess Bella, thou art my first waking thought.

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Thou art mine too.

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Thy lips...are as red as rubies.

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Rubies I desire to press to mine own.

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Handsome Virile, mine lips...are thine lips.

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Leonardo, my boy, is my all-powerful king-lifting device ready?

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-There we go.

-Tah-dah!

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Magnifico, you're a genius. Let's get it to the theatre.

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What about our rehearsal?

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-Cosi. Stand in for me.

-Si.

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Leo...

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No, Cosi.

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-I'm so nervous.

-That's odd.

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Not really - have you seen how many people are out there?

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No, there's a real sword on the prop rack.

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Oh, look, here comes Lorenzo.

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Lorenzo! Lorenzo!

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-What's going on?

-We're in the play.

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-Are you?

-See you in a bit.

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He's here.

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Mi scusi.

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I was so looking forward to the play, but duty calls.

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I will, of course, hurry back.

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Everybody from the Medici bank should be in the audience.

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If there is anybody in the vault...

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DRUMROLL

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Signore e Signori, welcome to our sparkling new show -

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a tale of romantic love and of weeping woe.

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In honour of fair Angelica and Lord Loren-zo.

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APPLAUSE

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I am Principessa Bella, a beautiful but lonely Princess.

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AUDIENCE: Awww!

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I am handsome Virile, a humble shepherd.

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I spend my time humbly herding sheep.

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APPLAUSE

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DRUMROLL

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And I am the King.

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APPLAUSE

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The Duke left for Milan this morning. This canyon is perfect.

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He won't even see the arrow being fired.

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-Payment up front.

-Upon completion.

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If I pay you now, what's to stop you running off with the money?

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My honour.

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You're an assassin, honour doesn't come into it.

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Brief and to the point, sir.

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You could even catch the rest of the play.

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I could, yes.

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Again.

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DRUMROLL

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What beauteous beauty.

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Good sir, though we have just met, I love thee.

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And I, thee.

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AUDIENCE: Ahhh!

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You have my heart, now take my hand.

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Never!

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AUDIENCE BOOS

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I forbid this. Be gone, shepherd boy.

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AUDIENCE BOOS

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And daughter...

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I'm locking you in the tower.

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HE HISSES

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Alone. Without my love.

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Ahhh!

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Magnifico.

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Get it open.

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If only my true love were here.

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I am.

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APPLAUSE

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But I must away.

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AUDIENCE: Ahhh!

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My love, if you should go, the stars would never shine again.

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I will find your father and beg him for your hand.

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Too late, here he comes now.

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Where is he?

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-Too late.

-Shh!

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Here he comes now.

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We should be on stage.

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Methinks he spies on us from below. I'll fetch him.

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HE LAUGHS

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Keep going.

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What am I to do?

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Imbecile, you're supposed to listen for our cue lines.

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Not to worry, daughter...

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I come.

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You, boy, what are you doing here?

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So...where is your shepherd boy, my dear?

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He went below to find you.

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You're sure he's not hiding over here?

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Yes, father, I'm sure.

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(He's under the stage.)

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Harlequin, deal with him.

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Yes, Nazario... I mean, your Majesty.

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-Listen, everyone, these men are...

-Not so fast, shepherd boy.

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I'd rather my daughter died than married you, capisci?

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-This isn't in the script.

-I'm improvising.

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So, shepherd, what's it to be?

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I will...do your bidding.

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I thought you'd see it my way.

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Harlequin, take him to the dungeons.

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Now, daughter, how can I punish you for disobeying me?

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AUDIENCE BOOS

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What do we do about him?

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Finish the play, then we kill them both.

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-Is that really necessary?

-FROM ABOVE: On my own. Again.

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Virile, where are you?

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Get on stage - you'll have to do his part.

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If only my love, Virile were here...

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But I am here, my sweetness.

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AUDIENCE BOOS

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Where's Leo?

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Stage fright - I'm taking over.

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Princess Bella, your lips are as red as rubies.

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Get off.

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AUDIENCE OOHS

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I say again, your lips are as red as rubies.

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Get off!

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We're supposed to kiss - it says so in the script.

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Harlequin - it appears that our lovers have eloped.

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APPLAUSE

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Leo!

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Nazario and Donnola aren't actors, they're thieves.

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They've stolen the Medici Sapphire, it's in his crown.

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-What? But that's...

-Incredible, yes.

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You're very good at that, how do you do it?

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Not sure now is a good time for a lock-picking lesson.

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Probably right.

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What are we going to do?

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And so, Signore e Signori, in conclusion, I, the King...

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APPLAUSE

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Listen, everyone, this man is a thief.

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-Oh, no, he isn't.

-Oh, yes, he is.

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AUDIENCE: Oh, no, he isn't.

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-Grab a sword.

-They're props - they're all blunt.

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Get one and stab harder then.

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Lorenzo, listen to me...

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He's behind you!

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Great acting - they look like they're really fighting.

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I think they are.

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You want this?

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Lorenzo, look at the crown,

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they're trying to steal the real Medici Sapphire.

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Yes, it is - I'd know it anywhere.

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Guards, arrest this man. He's robbing our bank.

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Arrest him now.

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APPLAUSE

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Leo, are you OK?

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Boy, you're too clever for your own good.

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Take them away, guards. Lock them up and throw away the key.

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That was one of the best plays I have ever seen.

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Hey guys - sorry I couldn't see the performance. Bit of business.

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-So, did I miss anything?

-No...

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What are you laughing at? I've not been paid for the set build...

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Apologies, Master Lorenzo,

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-you of course can laugh at whatever you want.

-Thank you.

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You two need to clear up, rescue anything of value,

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since our actor/robber friends clearly won't be paying their bills.

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It's such a shame we never got to play that last scene together.

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Would have been fun.

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We could do it now...just for us.

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We could, but the play's over... What's the point?

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Yeah.

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Yeah. What's the point?

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# I have done it again

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# I have been here many times before

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# Hurt myself again... #

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