Stupid Cupid Leonardo

A horse. A horse to get me to Florence.

I'll pay well for the fastest one.

I'll kill you, you little sneak.

I've got every officer in Florence after me because of you.

-What? What?

-Don't play the innocent with me. I know you snitched on me.

You'll pay for this with your life!

Come back here, Mac!

Machiavelli, you're not going to get very far.

I'm going to get you!

GORGONI LAUGHS

Nowhere to run, eh?

Help! He's trying to kill me.

Grazie, officers. He's a wanted man - Gorgoni the smuggler.

I'm going to get you for this, Machiavelli.

I'm going to get you. I'll tear you limb from limb.

Dream on, fat boy.

The only thing you'll be tearing is stale bread in prison.

Today is the day, Placidi.

All that we have worked for.

Now, nothing stands in our way.

For today is the day

I will be crowned Duke.

Fantastico!

Maestro, my dad's getting married.

Francesca and I have finally decided on a date. 17th.

Congratulations.

Does she know about me? Have you told her yet?

Not yet. But I will.

I'll tell her today. Then you can come to the wedding.

I cannot wait to meet her.

In the meantime, how do you feel about designing our invitations?

I'd love to.

Right, where's my sketchbook?

Ah, Lorenzo, Angelica - good news!

Good news? You mean great news, my beloved.

For today is a momentous day for the Medicis.

-Your father is to be made Duke of Florence.

-Papa!

Imagine that! The Duke of Florence!

And I will be the Duchess.

-And if we go to war...?

-Which we will.

I will fight by your side.

Piccolo Tortellini, you will not be fighting!

Your job is to look after your pretty little fiancee,

isn't it, dear?

The buds of young love. So tender, so precious.

They must be fed and watered.

Indeed.

I stayed cool, of course, kept him pinned down.

Of course.

Why was he after you?

I just happened to mention his criminal activities to the police.

Oh, so you snitched?

He's a rat.

Pretends to be in the silk trade, but really he's a smuggler.

I was just doing my duty. As a law-abiding citizen.

Fat slug won't bother me again.

The Mac is back!

WHACK!

SMACK!

SMACK!

THEY GROAN

Lovely weather we're having, my little...chipmunk.

Hmm.

Very blue sky.

Mm-hmm.

Very hot.

Very sticky.

-Grazie.

-Mi scusi. Momento.

Thanks, Mac.

Having fun?

She's so dim. She doesn't even like fencing.

Talk about stuck-up.

Yeah, she doesn't look like a bundle of laughs.

Beautiful though.

Can't see it myself. Girls are frightful.

You just have to know how to handle them.

Well, OK, if you're so good with girls,

you can take her off my hands.

-No thanks, mate, she's all yours.

-I'll pay you.

Now that is a whole different kettle of pesci. How much?

-Five florins.

-15.

-Six.

-14.

-Seven

-13.

-Eight.

-12.

-Nine.

-11.

-Ten.

-Ten.

Oh, all right.

Bring her back to the Palace gate - three, prompt. Don't be late.

Va bene, Benito. He's with me. Benito is Angelica's security.

This is my cousin.

Count Gianlucca di Modena di Batista di Lampedusa.

At your service, bella signorina.

I've asked him to be your escort today, chicklet.

-It's just that with Papa being made Duke...

-Whatever.

So what's it to be, bella signorina?

Stroll or an ice cream? On me, naturally.

Capello's.

Capello's?

The finest, most expensive restaurant in all of Florence.

Good, but here it's too flat, here...

Meet our latest life model.

Dino.

Where did you get him?

From the seamstress up the road. I said we'd look after him.

Oh, he's gorgeous!

-I mean, just like my little brother.

-He's going to pose for Cupid.

The baby angel whose magical dart makes people fall in love.

Pose? Are you mad?

Painting a real baby is impossible - they keep moving.

-It'll be fine.

-He's good as gold, aren't you?

-Why not copy one of mine?

-It has to be perfect.

Sorry, I mean...different.

I want the invitations to be special. It's my dad's wedding.

When he shows them to Francesca, I want him to be proud of me.

May I say, bella signorina, what a lucky boy Lorenzo is

to have a fiancee so beautiful,

so elegant,

so graceful, so refined.

And so cheerful too, such a charming smile, such a sunny disposition.

And you too are lucky.

Lorenzo is a fine, fine fellow - a little immature,

a little naive, possibly.

Whereas I'm more a man of the world.

Ciao, Mac!

It would seem so - for even the beggars know you.

I give a lot of money to charity.

Then by all means, give him some.

I would, but I have nothing smaller than a florin.

He wouldn't know what to do with one.

You're so right. Give him two.

MUSIC: "Hey Ya" by OutKast # One, two, three, uh

# My baby don't mess around Because she loves me so

# And this I know for sho... #

Dino! No.

# But does she really want to

# But can't stand to see me walk out the door

# Don't try to fight the feeling

# Because the thought alone is killing me right now

# Thank God for Mom and Dad for sticking two together

# Cos we don't know how... #

Please, please stop.

# Hey ya

# Hey ya

# Hey ya

# Hey ya... #

This is hopeless!

Yes, but we can't give up, it's for my dad's wedding.

-It has to be right!

-SMASH

Dino, please. Give them back.

Maybe he wants more to play with.

MAN CLEARS THROAT

Hmm.

I think I'll have the full 14-course menu.

Don't you think that might be a teensy bit

much for the stomach of such a delicate signorina?

Oh. Were you expecting me to have the appetite of a bird?

No, I just wasn't expecting the appetite of a giant troll.

I'll take that as a compliment.

What about you?

I'm not hungry.

Not at these prices.

I'll have the soup, the salad, the spaghetti, the crab,

the lobster, the oysters, the pheasant, the peacock,

the baked turtledove, the pigeon pie and the liver wrapped in membrane.

Count Gianlucca di Modena di Batista di Lampedusa will just have

some water.

OK. OK. That should do it.

Dino, let the carnival begin.

Start pedalling, please.

Mmm.

-Delizioso. How's your water?

-Watery.

Well, I would offer you some, but seeing as you're not hungry...

Clear this away and bring Count Lampedusa the bill.

OK, I get it.

-Get what?

-You know, don't you?

Know what?

That I'm not really Lorenzo's cousin.

-Or a Count.

-Or a Count.

Lorenzo paid you, didn't he?

I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am.

No. Quite the opposite.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Don't worry about it. I'm used to it.

Being passed around like a parcel from person to person.

As long as I just smile and nod and embroider nicely in the corner

and curtsy prettily and eat daintily...

I didn't see much evidence of that.

Everybody's happy.

Now I feel really bad.

It's not your fault.

It's just the way it is.

But just once, I'd like to be free.

Free to laugh and shout

and run all over the palace with no shoes on if I feel like it.

Free to do what I want

without being watched and judged all the time.

How much did Lorenzo give you?

Enough.

Just.

-You don't have to pay. I'll charge it to the Medicis.

-No.

I want to.

Let's get out of here. How about a stroll?

And an ice cream? On me.

Yeah, I'd like that.

I remember you, you know. From the Medici ball.

Oh. That.

I bet it was a girl.

-Was it a girl?

-It was a girl.

The one with the same dress as me?

What makes you say that?

Lisa. Yes.

-But I'm over her.

-Are you?

I'm getting there.

What you were saying about being free...?

If you could go anywhere, do anything you wanted,

without being watched, what would it be?

I'd go to the river. Take off my shoes.

Paddle in the water. I did it once, as a little girl.

Come on, then.

-What about Benito?

-You said you wanted to be free.

-I do.

-Well, come on, then!

-I think we lost him.

-Gotcha!

-Oh!

-I wouldn't say that.

I wouldn't say that at all. Thought you'd got away with it, eh?

Let go of him. How dare you, you horrible man!

-Shut up, lady.

-Do you have any idea who I am?

MACHIAVELLI MUMBLES: Don't tell him.

I am Angelica Visconti of Pisa.

Are you, now?

Get rid of him.

Let's go for a walk.

BELL RINGS

So much for Benito.

So much for being free.

I told you not to tell him your name.

No, you didn't.

You said, "Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm."

Who is this horrid man, anyway?

He's a smuggler.

What does he smuggle?

I've a nasty feeling it might be you.

Benito? What's happened?

-It's too heavy.

-Shhh. Listen.

We'll just take what we can. Hurry!

They're loading up. Getting ready to leave.

-Aw! What are you doing?

-Look! Over there on the table.

-Push, with your feet.

-Are you telling me what to do?

-Yes!

Come on! On three. One, two...

-One, two... You're pulling, not pushing.

-I'm not.

-You are.

-I'm not.

-We'll only do this together.

-I know. That's why I'm pushing.

-Move it! Come on!

On three. One, two...

One, two...

-One, two... Keep your feet on the ground.

-I am.

-You're not.

-I am.

One, two...

One, two...

Ah!

Nice try, lovebirds.

You really thought it was a good idea to palm her off on Mac?

All right, I know. But you've got to help me.

If something happens to her, my dad'll kill me. It's not just her,

it's the alliance with Pisa! Without it we'll lose the war,

-and I'll be a traitor!

-Where did it happen?

-I don't know!

Mac snitched on someone - a silk trader.

Said he was a smuggler. A...

-..Gorgoni?

-Silk trader? Let's start with the silk district.

Leonardo?

We're in real trouble.

-Aren't we?

-I'll think of something.

Will you?

Just try and be positive.

You'll be all right. I'm stuffed, whatever happens.

If Gorgoni doesn't get me, then I'm sure Piero will.

Piero?

For running off with his son's fiancee. A beheading, probably.

Oh.

Don't worry, Gorgoni will have slit my throat before then.

We just need to get you back to Lorenzo, somehow.

Safe and sound.

It'll be OK.

I don't want to go back.

I don't want to marry Lorenzo.

I hate it at the Medicis.

I miss my dad.

I just want to go home.

Lorenzo isn't interested in me.

He talks to me like I'm some kind of weird animal.

I'd never have chosen him.

But it's not my decision.

-It never is.

-Don't cry.

I'm sure it'll be all right. Somehow.

Look, if my arms weren't tied, I'd put them round you.

Oh, Mac... why can't Lorenzo be more like you?

What did you say?

Show time.

Hey. This way!

Here's the deal. I need to get out of this town.

And you're going to help me.

No-one's going to stop a lady like you -

the guards will wave you through.

And I'm your uncle. Do anything to make the guards suspicious

and your boyfriend...

Got it? Good. Let's go!

-It's empty.

-BELL RINGS

Quarter to! The Coronation starts at four!

-You should go.

-What if you don't find them?

-We will.

Everything's gone. So where's he off to?

Travelling with my household.

My uncle.

Tom!

Tom.

There they are! What are you waiting for?

They're hostages. He's using them to get through the gates.

Look how Mac's standing, I think he might have a gun to his back.

What do we do?

It's taking too long, they're getting through.

Hold it there, exactly there.

Ciao! Angelica, Ciao!

You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?

And Mac! Ciao...Mac!

Your full name, please?

My name is...

My name is Angelica...

-I can't...I can't...I don't...

-Fire! Look! Fire!

-GUNSHOT

-That's Gorgoni! He's wanted!

After him! Don't let him get away. Come on, after him.

-You all right?

-I'm all right. You?

It's late. You should get back to the Palace. Your father-in-law...

Oh. Yes. The beheading. I mean, the Coronation.

-Yes, of course.

-I'll escort you.

Better not.

Will I see you again?

Please, come on.

Please, please, come on.

Mama?

Mama. Come.

Lorenzo, what on earth are you doing?

Come inside and sit down immediately. They're about to start.

And where's Angelica?

Yes, you see, that's the thing, about that, about Angelica...

What about Angelica? Where is she?

This is not the kind of sloppy tardiness

I expect from my future daughter-in-law.

I know, the thing is... what actually happened...

I can't exactly say what happened.

But the long and the short of it is...I don't know,

I don't know where she is, I've lost her.

For goodness sake! There you are! What's the meaning of this lateness?

-I'm sorry.

-And look at the state of you.

I'll go and tidy up.

Not now. Get inside, the pair of you.

Leonardo!

Cupid! Appropriate.

Eccellente!

So one last thing to do with an invitation - that's to give it.

So, signore, I'd be delighted if you were able to attend.

Represent the workshop.

I'm honoured.

I know I said I'd tell her today, but...it's complicated.

You know what women are like.

Better that you meet her after the wedding.

When things have calmed down a bit.

You understand, don't you?

I, Piero de' Medici...

..on behalf of the city of Florence

and all its people...

..do swear to serve and protect...

Stop!

Behold...

..it is I, Rocco, son of the Duke of Florence.

Here to avenge the death of my father and claim my crown.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd