Face Off M.I. High

Lenny Bicknall, MI9.

Routine security check.

Shouldn't take more than a few minutes.

Just enough time to put the kettle on.

ALARM SOUNDS

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

The old-school spies have had their day and MI9 must create

a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Welcome to MI High.

First ones in school again?

Yeah.

So have you done Ms Templeman's homework?

Well, I did mine ages ago, but I had to do Blane's last night

because he never does his and then, he's always busy.

Daisy's in the common room, said she wanted to see you.

Really?

Let him go, or I'll...

I'll...

MI9?!

-But...what's going on?

-Yes, Rose, what exactly is going on?

They were...bin men.

-I was just asking why they were leaving rubbish lying around?

-Huh!

So I'm supposed to pick this up then, am I?

Morons!

No, I am not a c-c-c-coward.

I can get my hands on a lot of things,

but the Mona Lisa?

How much?!

Well, pick a frame,

I'll have it hanging above your toilet by Thursday.

Ah! What's the phrase?

Beware geeks baring gifts?

It's Greeks. And why is it always the rarest vase

from the most difficult museum to break into?

Because if isn't difficult to steal, it's not worth stealing.

Oh, and talking of moaners -

our next assignment.

An equation or a computer, then you get excited.

Lenny gets kidnapped and you just stand there!

You could have used the Five Finger Freeze? Easiest move in the book.

BUZZING

HQ.

But, if Lenny's gone?

-Ah, good morning team.

-Never mind that, where's...?

Bicknall? He's been taken off the MI High assignment.

And in the meantime, there's been a wave of...

No, no, you're missing the part where you tell us why

Lenny was shoved in the back of a van.

That, Officer Millar, is classified.

As I was saying,

there's been a wave of similar crimes,

all committed by Grade-A students.

Rose, you haven't stolen anything, have you?

I have arranged for an interrogation unit

to come to St Hope's. Your mission...

Talk to the offenders, find out what the connection is?

Rose, Lenny's gone!

Why don't you seem to have a problem with that?

I tell you what I've got a problem with!

You thinking I'm useless in the field!

Sorry, I need to go the toilet.

This is a difficult time for you, I know.

Now...gadgets.

This is a voice changer.

I wouldn't be seen dead in a brace.

And this stopwatch

is a lie detector.

I'm really happy no-one's telling us where Lenny is.

Please, concentrate on the mission.

It's what Lenny would want.

She's the Head Of MI9?

What if Lenny's in trouble? What if he never comes back?

Then I wouldn't want to be in Rose's shoes.

Not that I'd ever want to be in those shoes.

But Stewart is one of our star pupils.

You can't possibly give him an ASBO pending trial!

I'm sorry, sir, he was caught on camera stealing a rare vase

from the Serinturk Museum.

But I've never even been to the poxy museum! Well, I have.

But not to steal anything!

I have to say, sir, this is not an isolated incident.

We're dealing with a whole crime wave

involving what were thought to be honest kids.

But, sir, I didn't do it!

It's not my fault!

And I believe you, Stewart.

It's all my fault.

I should have been more of a role model, held after-school classes.

But, no.

Instead I was off Morris dancing...

-..waving stupid hankies in the air.

-The same crime wave?

How can they have Stu on camera? There's no way he's a thief.

Come on, interrogating the other kids might help.

-Rose? Where are you?

-Try looking behind a desk.

She'll be the one cowering from a vicious-looking stapler.

Fourth finger, eighth finger, second finger, twist.

Fourth finger, eighth finger, third finger. Second finger, twist!

So, Billy Snodgrass, if that IS your real name...

Why would you make up the name Snodgrass?

The bottom line, Billy - you were caught stealing priceless antiques.

I've never done anything bad in my life!

Well, I've got one lie detector here that says you have!

OK, I admit, I did steal one thing.

But it was priceless, I just had to have it!

It's the one where Spiderman gets stuck in the bath.

Please don't tell my brother I took it.

So, are you all working together?

For someone?

A rabbit!

-The person you're working for has a rabbit?

-No, it's a rabbit.

It's...meant to be a crocodile.

Lenny?

Rose?

You broke into MI9?!

Now Stewart, the authorities want to ask you some questions.

But, sir, I didn't steal that vase!

Of course when I've quit as headmaster

they'll know I take full responsibility.

But you can't quit because of me!

I wonder how many more kids I've turned to the dark side?

ROBOTIC VOICE: Sit!

Stewart Critchley, caught stealing from the Serinturk Museum.

It wasn't me, I didn't do it!

Silence!

Who are you working for?

This is because I subscribe to Conspiracy Nuts magazine, isn't it?

You're just trying to scare me, so I don't find out the truth.

Your best friend is such a geek.

-ROBOTIC VOICE:

-Stewart, just tell us who's behind all this.

I don't know anything. Aren't you a bit mumbly for a government agent?

They think I stole some diamonds.

They've got footage of me breaking into a jeweller's.

-I mean it's ME on the CCTV.

-You mean someone's setting you up?

If I could get my hands on that footage

I could see if it had been tampered with, or...

Quick, if they find you in here...!

Take this. We're going to get you out of here, Lenny, I promise.

So, a bunch of crimes...

All committed by total gee...

I mean, really trendy people like Stewart.

All caught on camera.

But all say they're innocent.

BUZZING

Hello?

Yes, ma'am.

The Mona Lisa?! ..OK, I'm logging in now.

That was Head of MI9. The Mona Lisa's been stolen from the Louvre in Paris.

Now she IS a geek.

Look at that face.

Magnificent.

I meant the painting!

I think I preferred the girl.

Uncle, do you know what it's like

being chased through Paris in a dress?

Oh yeah, what a weekend that was.

Lewis, it's not every boy

gets to use the greatest criminal invention ever.

To look and to sound like anyone.

If it's so good, why don't you use it?

-Unless you're a coward.

-Oh! Eugh... Ahem...

In order to commit the perfect crime

we have to frame the least likely suspects.

In this case, head girl and all round swatty-pants, Verity Tipping.

The police are probably interrogating her now.

But Uncle Charlie, you said we'd use the imaging mask a few times

-then stop, before we get caught.

-Oh, all right,

I'll destroy the Imager.

If it makes you happy.

Look, I didn't steal that vase!

Yeah, right, ASBO boy!

And even worse, Mr Flatley thinks me getting an ASBO is all his fault,

and now he's gonna quit.

Good, he's given me detention every week for a month.

Any other headmaster would give you detention every day for ten years.

I like Mr Flatley.

No matter how much we fool around or mess up, he's always there for us.

He actually believes in us.

Girl, that was deep.

I know, it's given me a headache.

I say we go on a mission. Operation Cheer Up Mr Flatley.

Oh, Rose, you're on a mission.

How can we make Mr Flatley feel appreciated?

Right... Ideas, anyone?

You remember missions? Sometimes you used to turn up for them.

Blane, zip it! I've seen Lenny.

OFFICER LAUGHS

RADIO PLAYS

You broke into MI9?

That's so cool!

Rose risked her job cos of us.

If we hadn't given her so much grief about Lenny being taken...

Try and focus.

Otherwise good kids and Lenny accused of stealing.

Maybe there's a connection.

This lot need a serious lesson in skin care.

Mega-spot or what?

It looks like a missing pixel.

This screen must be damaged.

Then how come they all have the same spot?

When the faces move, so does the pixel.

-It's always on the right cheek.

-So, it might be computer generated?

Weird. But to generate a 3D face you'd need an image to work from.

Like a photo. From a webcam?

You're turning into action girl,

and I'm just turning into a computer nerd.

Blane, where've you been?

I need to talk about this ASBO.

Yeah, soon I promise, but I'm late for a computer project.

I'm doing, a survey on how many people have used a webcam?

-Have you ever used a webcam?

-Yeah. But only for FaceBub.com.

It's what online gamers use to upload pictured of themselves.

I've hacked into FaceBub.com's list of users.

I've cross referenced it with all the kids involved in the crime wave.

Stewart, Billy Snodgrass, Verity Tipping...

They've all put photos on FaceBub.

FaceBub is so cool, you can put your face on any game character.

So, someone's been stealing faces from FaceBub.com. But who?

I've tried to find if anyone has hacked into the programme,

-but they've covered any trace.

-PHONE RINGS

Excuse me.

Hello?

You sure it's Bicknall?

OK, email it through.

You do know Lenny's innocent?

Earlier today Lenny escaped from an MI9 cell block.

And an hour ago he was caught on camera stealing diamonds

from the second jeweller's in two days.

MI9 are emailing me the footage.

Yes, it's me.

You'll never believe what I've just stolen!

Now calm down.

Just meet me back at base.

Lenny's being set up, just like the kids in the crime wave.

All their pictures are on FaceBub.com.

Is Lenny on FaceBub?

Exactly. And if he's innocent why hasn't he made contact?

Right now your priority is to find out who's been hacking into FaceBub.

As for Bicknall, if he is guilty, we'll find out soon enough.

I wish they'd offer to wash MY car.

Yes. Makes me wonder if quitting is such a good idea.

Maybe they do respect me after all.

-Here, Flatley!

-LAUGHTER

No. Seemingly they don't.

Bickers, we'll make a master thief of you yet.

Uncle...

Who's he?

Lewis, say hello to Lenny Bicknall.

The most wanted man in MI9.

MI9? We're meant to be framing school kids, not... And you said

-you'd destroyed the Imager.

-I know, but this is important.

Lenny and I have history.

Tell me Lenny's innocent!

Look, the spot on Lenny's cheek.

The same mixing pixel as all the kids in the crime wave.

Whoever set them up, set Lenny up too.

Looks like a damaged pixel.

So why are you trying to frame this Benny person?

LENNY and I go way back.

We were spies together.

Bickers was my bestest buddy...

until one mission.

It was five years ago. In a foreign land.

We'd just retrieved a microfilm stolen from MI9.

On it, the design for a top-secret new technology.

And the enemy, they wanted it back.

GUNFIRE, HELICOPTER WHIRS

Chuckers, it's useless,

we'll never escape!

We've got a job to do, Bickers.

Get this microfilm back to Blighty.

Or, we could just give it back before we get killed!

I'd rather die than surrender.

Come on, last one back to England's a girl.

Ah! Argh!

Argh! Chuckers!

Ah! Chuckers...

Chewed through the barbed wire and carried him out of there.

YOU chewed through barbed wire?

Well, when an officer's down Lewis, you'd chew through your own leg.

But if Lenny was your mate, why are you trying to put him in jail?

In his report Bickers claimed it was me who was the...

-Coward?

-Yeugh! Yeu... Yeugh!

Said it was me who wanted to hand the microfilm back to the enemy.

They threw me out of MI9.

So, now it's time for some pay-back?

No-one chucks a Chuckworth, Lewis. No-one.

Lenny?

He's still not answering.

If they didn't get Lenny's image off FaceBub,

then where did they get it from?

Wait! Lenny could never jump like that, not with his dodgy hip.

Of course. Someone's changed their face to look like Lenny,

but that's still their body.

MI9 have started to analyse the body movement of all known criminals.

So if you're caught on camera they'll know who you are

from the way you move?

I just hope that whoever's setting Lenny up is a known enemy.

Or we'll never find a match.

But you can't leave.

Even if I were a thief it'd be my fault, not yours.

No, no, you kids need someone... strong to look up to.

Not the Clapham Crocheting Champion of 1974.

Is it any wonder you've all turned to crime?

Miss, it's not working. Launch musical strike.

I repeat, launch musical strike.

MUSIC STARTS UP

# We're not sure oh-why exactly...

-What on earth?

-#..But we love you, Mr Flatley

# Just cos Critchley's got an ASBO

# That don't mean that you should go-go-go

# No, no, no

-RAPPING:

-Yeah, we don't mind that you dress dead square

Sometimes have dandruff stuck in your hair

But to me you've been an inspiration

-Even though you're sweaty

-It's perspiration!

And we don't mind your corduroy jackets

If you leave us now we'll bring you straight back, it's

Just not fair, you're number one headmaster

Leaving us now, bro, would be a disaster.

# Cos we're not sure oh-why exactly But we love you, Mr Flatley

# Just cos Critchley's got an ASBO

# That don't mean that you should go-go-go

# No, no, no. #

Well...

don't just stand there, loitering!

Haven't you got classes to go to?!

I'm not going to get you through your exams

by basking in admiration now, am I?!

THEY CHEER

I've got a match. The body movement's identical.

Don't tell me, SKUL?

Hardly. The man who robbed that jeweller's is ex-MI9.

Charles Chuckworth. AKA Chuckers.

Isn't that the Chuckworth Lenny's always going on about?

His old mate! "I remember when me, Chuckers and Ginger..."

HE did missions with Lenny. No wonder he had a picture of him.

So why's he set Lenny up?

And how's this guy passing himself off as Verity Tipping?

Chuckworth's last known address.

Come on, let's go, before he gets Lenny into even more trouble.

This is it. I'll cover the back entrance.

Rose, this isn't MI9, it could be dangerous.

Expecting visitors?

You don't let me have any.

Mm... Hmm!

Oh, what?! You can't be serious?

Relax, it's cool.

If Chuckworth was here, he left weeks ago.

Every minute we chase a dead end, it just makes Lenny look more guilty.

I'll catch you up, I just need to use the toilet.

SCUFFLING

Ha!

Wait! Chuckworth's here. And I've seen how he set up all those kids.

His nephew used some plasma face thing to look and sound like them.

And now me. Daisy, you get him.

-Rose, you come and help me get Chuckworth.

-Wait!

-How do we know that you're Blane?

-What?!

He said Chuckworth's not here!

Why would I say that when he's next door?

But maybe he just wants me to go next door cos it's a trap.

It is, it's a trap.

You two go, I'll take care of him.

OK, I've got an idea!

Only Blane knows that weird karate stuff that he does.

So...you, do the most impressive move that you know.

I don't know, sometimes I think Blane makes it up anyway.

-Duh! Hello?! The lie detector.

-Use it on him, he's the liar!

-DETECTOR: Liar!

-I mean, it can't be, I'm the real...

-Liar! Liar!

-What's his name again?

I'll take this, I think.

Right!

Who's first?

Blane, wait!

-He's too good, even for you.

-Lenny Bicknall. You told MI9 it was

Uncle Charlie that wanted to give that microfilm back to the enemy.

What microfilm?

It was five years ago. Me and Chuckers were on a mission.

GUNFIRE

Bickers, we'll never escape!

This can't fall back into enemy hands. We have to get it to MI9.

Stuff MI9! They're not the ones getting used for target practice.

-I surrender!

-Chuckers!

You can have the stupid microfilm!

Nice enemy!

Chuckers!

Aargh! Ah! Ah!

Now you know how I got that war wound.

-So you're a...

-Don't even say it!

-What, a coward?

-HE GROANS

-You gave them the microfilm?

-I gave them a fake!

The secret technology was far too valuable.

The imaging mask was the new technology?

Yes. Meant for spying, not framing innocent children.

-Give me the voice-changer.

-Just surrender, Bickers,

and I promise I'll let your team go free.

DETECTOR: Liar! Liar! Liar!

Aargh!

Useless in the field, huh?

Aah...

What can I say? It's a masterpiece.

HE LAUGHS

Oh...

If you were following us when you escaped MI9...

why not make contact?

I couldn't risk being detected until you'd cleared my name.

-And all the school kids Chuckers set up.

-Yeah, Lenny, good old Chuckers!

He was a fruit-loop.

Amazing what greed and revenge can do to a person.

-Maybe jail time will bring back the Chuckers I knew.

-Hey?

-What do you think?

-Your probation depends on replacing the Mona Lisa.

That looks like a potato with a mouth.

When do we tell him the one he stole was a replica?

I'd say that was on a strictly need-to-know basis.

Mr Flatley, look, an apology from MI9. I told you I wasn't a thief.

-Any moment now and...

-MUSIC STARTS

# We're not sure oh-why exactly

# But we love you, Mr Flatley

# Just cos Critchley's got an ASBO

# That don't mean that you should go, go, go

# No no no... #

Don't worry, I've arranged for it to be played on the hour every hour.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd.