Big Sister M.I. High

Over here, mate. Give us a volley.

Oops!

Child detected. Child detected. Child detected.

You, child!

Disgusting creature! Yes, you with the filth around your nose.

You have exactly five seconds to vacate my property.

One...two...three...four...five!

CRACKLING OF ELECTRICITY

Do you want to watch television, Mr Bear?

'The schools of this country are in crisis...

'an epidemic of unruly behaviour.

'The cure?

'An initiative of Good Manners.

'Together we will teach our children to value hard work over hoodies,

'and politeness over pranks.

Hooray! Hooray!

At last.

Someone to put these ghastly children in their rightful place.

'The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

'The old-school spies have had their day,

'and M.I.9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.'

'Hidden in a place no villain will think to look.'

Welcome to M.I. High.

I'm not surprised you chose St Hope's, Minister,

we do have some of the best behaved pupils in Britain.

Good manners is one of our core values.

Aw, you throw like a girl!

Good manners and humour.

One of our other core values.

Mr Flatley, you and I are the same.

Nothing means more to us than the welfare of children.

So where better to launch my Good Manners Initiative?

Oh, yes, and it was inspired getting the children to mix

with local senior citizens.

The older generation really know the meaning of hard work.

Hard work, not hoodies, Mr Flatley.

Exactly. Politeness, not pranks.

Ah, my CCTV cameras. To monitor the children's progress.

Don't want their good deeds going unrecorded.

Sorry. Hey, aren't you Mary Taylor, the Minister of Schools?

My! It's nice to be recognised by a young person for once.

Ah yes, Rose... one of our best pupils.

Never messes around.

(Not many friends to mess around with...)

COMMUNICATOR BUZZES

Wait!

-Where did that come from?

-Flatley must be installing them.

I hope it's getting my best side.

I mean... how are we gonna get into HQ now?

Stay there and act normal!

What? This is normal.

I don't know what's older, you or the printer!

Get out the way!

Now all that thing's gonna see is an an empty corridor.

Team, the Minister for Schools has chosen St Hope's

to be part of a Good Manners Initiative.

That's why Flatley's putting up cameras.

They're all around the school.

If we do anything remotely spy-like, we're busted.

Spy gadgets.

Hair mousse?

This'll come in handy when I travel in time to the '80s!

It also disables security systems.

And inside that is a camera which drills through walls.

Your mission is to disable all cameras

which might expose your spy status.

Team, the entire M.I. High operation is at stake.

Oh, yeah...you're gorgeous... you work it...go, girl...

Everything all right, Miss Templeman?

These stupid cameras! Aren't they a violation of privacy or something?

You're gorgeous...you work it... you go, girl...

I could hardly say no to the Minister, could I?

It's not as if the cameras will spot any really bad behaviour

at this school, is it?

Well, at least the Minister's idea for a Senior Citizens Week

was a good one, I suppose.

Yes, perhaps it'll teach them a little dignity and decorum.

CHILDREN SCREAM AND SHOUT

Well, there's more to life than dignity and decorum...

-Can I have a go?

-This is basketball, not basket weaving.

Thanks for the tip.

-Oww!

-Oops.

Honestly, Rose, you're not big and you're not clever.

Well, you are clever, obviously...

IQ off the chart and all that, but don't let me tell you again!

Don't hold back now, girls...

I used to be a bit of a wild child in my day.

-Really? But you're so...

-Ancient.

Kids today...

you've got old people all wrong.

I remember when it was all late nights, parties, rock'n'roll...

- You were into rock'n'roll?! - Er, still am, thank you!

The good thing about having a walking stick -

I can fight my way to the front at Crush concerts.

You like Crush?

Age is nothing but a state of mind.

Most old people are so boring!

Old people are so boring.

-Old people are dull!

-Old people are well dull!

Ah-ha-ha!

- What? - Aren't you meant to be entertaining me?

- I can do a rap if you want. - Come on, then!

# Cos you is old folk, so wrinkly and scary

# You can't hear a thing, cos your ears are hairy

# My granny busts a groove in her Zimmer frame

# That's all she can do to remember my name... #

Yeah, all right, all right. Is that the best you can do?

Like to see you do any better!

# Youngsters, youngsters, here's the thing

# Life's about way more than bling

# Life's about having whacked-out fun

# Doing everything under the sun

# Youngsters, youngsters, listen to this

# Heed my rap and do not diss. #

-That was well wicked.

-Respec'!

You should hear my guitar solo!

Would you like a cream bun?

CREAM...BUN?

Is he on medication?

No, no, no! No, thanks.

Got to watch my weight, I'm running in the Marathon this year.

Maybe you'd like a cup of tea, Mr...

Oi! Watch my homie's suit, man!

Yes, Stewart, do watch his homie's suit, man...

Give it here, Flatley, you're making it worse!

-I say, how do you know my name?

-Come on Flatley, use the noggin.

Don't tell me you don't remember your old headmaster?

Mr Bleaze? I mean, Sir!

Adult detected.

Access allowed.

Stop! Stay where you are!

I can smell child!

Aagh! Please, I didn't go near the kids!

Oh, really? Is that why I'm sn-sn-sn-sn... ACHOO!

Just the smell brings me out in a rash.

Just give me the tapes and go!

Time the world saw how horrible and contaminating children really are.

And soon, they'll all be gone!

I know I make this job look easy,

but the school's changed quite a bit since you were Headmaster.

Rubbish. Kids never change.

There's nothing this lot could pull on me I haven't seen before.

Is it raining, Julian?

See? Nothing but respect.

You certainly have a way with the children, Flatley.

'The urgent need for Mary Taylor's Good Manners Initiative

'was brought home today, when our news team

'was handed this shocking footage.

'This senior citizen went to St Hope's, looking for friendship.

'Instead she was subjected to a brutal ordeal

'at the hands of these out of control children.'

'Old people are so boring.'

'Old people are well dull!'

But that's not how it happened! We were having fun!

'One young hooligan attacked this defenceless pensioner

'with scalding hot tea...'

That's out of order! Stew would never do that on purpose.

'Some viewers may find these images shocking...'

Some viewers may find these images to be lies!

That footage has been totally re-edited!

See? They even made Rose look like a hooligan.

People will know it's been tampered with.

People believe what they see on the news.

-Someone did this on purpose.

-Agreed.

We need to find out who,

and why they want to make the kids at St Hope's look like tearaways.

The guard with the tapes... who is he working for?

At least we know it's not Mr Flatley.

'Scenes like these appear to reveal a dark truth

'about children's behaviour in Britain today.

'Now over to Toby Haynes for the football results.'

I always knew I'd be famous one day.

-What's going on?

-Oh, nothing.

Just watching the St Hope's reality TV show!

The press are here!

I told you they'd want interviews!

THE GIRLS SQUEAL

REPORTERS SHOUT QUESTIONS

Do the pupils at St Hope's have any manners at all?

-Are they all just anti-social hoodies?

-Now quiet down.

There are no hoodies at this school.

-Well, there may be a few...

-Oh, no...

-But only when it's raining!

He's not very good at this, is he?

I think what Mr Flatley is trying to say...

is that we all saw the shocking footage on the news this morning.

Clearly, much stronger measures are needed

to teach our children some manners.

And not just at this school - at every school in the country.

Is every school in the country as bad as this one?

We will solve this crisis. We will save our children from themselves...

Come along kids, no need to hear this any more.

I'm going to follow the minister.

-Thought I'd never catch you up!

-Stew! What are you doing here?

Someone re-edited that footage. This whole thing stinks.

Look, it'll all blow over.

Fancy a kick about?

Blane, people think I'm a delinquent!

Didn't he play for Arsenal?

'Ere, on me 'ead!

I'll get it.

Teenager detected.

You two! Leave me alone!

Look at me when I talk to you, you disgusting little boys!

This is the creepiest thing ever.

You have five seconds to get off my lawn.

Stew, run for it!

One!

-Blane?

-Two! Three!

Is it me, or is that gnome...

-Go! I'm right behind you!

-Four!

-Run!

-Five! You asked for it!

Owwwww! Owwwww!

Guess she's not a football fan.

Can you smell something?

Mary Taylor edited the CCTV footage.

She hired the security guard. I saw her pay him.

Why would the Minister for Schools want to make kids look bad?

She's fortified her home against kids.

Her garden is electrified.

-What about the pen gadget?

-Didn't have time to check.

I was a bit preoccupied with the "about to be electrocuted" thing.

It worked. The recording's coming through now.

'My home is a child free zone!

'My home is a child free zone!

'My home is a child free zone!

'My home is a child free zone!'

What is she doing?

'Make the children all vanish, Mr Bear.

'Just make them all vanish!'

Did she just talk to the bear?

She's totally lost it.

Unless she's allergic to kids...

and she's totally lost it.

Look!

'In 45 minutes,

'parliament will vote to give me emergency powers

'to deal with the bad manners epidemic which is sweeping Britain.

'These children need help, before it's too late...'

WE need help? Uh, hello!

Emergency powers to deal with children?

There must be a reason why she hates kids.

We'll have to visit the madhouse, see what we can find out.

I'll work on a profile of the Minister.

Team, if the vote is passed, Mary Taylor will have the power

to do whatever she likes to every kid in Britain. You have 45 minutes.

There - the alarm system.

Leave it to me.

-Actually, maybe I am gonna need your expertise.

-I knew it!

Yeah...I'm gonna need someone to stand on.

Got it! Hey, this hair mousse is like glue.

Maybe Lenny uses it...

AAAH!

These are good kids.

Someone's deliberately making them look like delinquents.

I appreciate your concern...

Between you and me,

I just received a personal call from the Minister for Schools.

You'll never guess what's going to happen!

Oh, no...Flatley...

No time for chatting!

Or don't you want to hear about the special treat

the Minister has planned?

I'm not taking any chances.

-Aaargh! Aaargh!

-Aaargh! Aaargh!

I'm joking! Just joking!

Mary Taylor went to St Hope's!

There's someone I need to talk to.

She's got the editing equipment.

But why she's trying to make kids look bad?

Same reason everything's covered in this disgusting gunk.

I have no idea.

Apparently, Mary Taylor was a pupil here, when you were Headmaster.

You must remember something about her?

How could I forget? She was a bright spark...

she left St Hope's to go to university when she was only 12.

A quiet girl...

never messed around with the other kids.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

Attention, everyone! Now, as you may be aware, the Minister for Schools

wants to pass a new law to teach children good manners.

PUPILS BOO

Quiet, please! Here's the exciting bit.

As soon as the law is passed,

the minister plans to send every child in Britain...

wait for it...

on a two-week adventure holiday!

Yes, that's right! Starting with the children of St Hope's.

CHEERING

Wicked! Two weeks on a sun lounger.

Wicked, two weeks by the pool.

Wicked, two weeks tipping them off the sun loungers into the pool!

An adventure holiday, organised by someone who hates children?

COMMUNICATOR BUZZES

Did you find anything?

Only some editing equipment, nothing to do with her new law.

Not unless the bear knows something...

Look in the bear!

You're kidding me...

Trust me! And hurry.

The clock!

An island? Must be where the Minister's sending the kids

-for the adventure holiday.

-No houses, no hotels...

It's not an island...

Blane, it's a prison!

"I, Mary Taylor, plan to send every kid in Britain to the island...

"until they're 18."

She doesn't want to teach kids good manners,

she wants them locked up!

-Stop! Don't get on that bus!

-No way, we're going on holiday.

Getting out of this prison for a change.

At least this doesn't have bars on the windows!

I'll think of a plan B. You stop Mary.

I've got an idea.

This island looks wonderful!

The children are going to be taught so much.

That's your job, Flatley.

This lot, loose on an island?

It'll be like that film...

-The one with lots of kids, loose on an island.

-Relax.

What on earth could happen to them? They've all got their factor 30!

Of course, the real winners in all this will be the children.

I don't think the kids will see it that way, do you?

Of course they will!

Who wouldn't want to spend two weeks on holiday?

Singing, getting fresh air...

That's not what you're planning!

You're sending every kid in Britain to your version of Alcatraz!

How ridiculous!

It's a two week, all-in luxury deal!

Then how do you explain this?

This is the document giving you the right to hold those kids

on that island, until they're 18.

They'll be back in two weeks, well-rested and polite.

Trust me, dear, I know what I'm doing.

I did go to university when I was 12.

So I'm wrong. You're not allergic to children...

Get away from me, you horrible child!

Where is it? I need my inhaler...

I have allergies!

Get that bus out of here!

You said this was a school trip, not a kidnapping!

But it's for their own good! Oh, I'll do it myself!

Don't move!

Those are my children on that bus, and they're not going anywhere!

Stop!!

Look out!

-Get that ridiculous man out of my way!

-He's not ridiculous!

He's our Headmaster.

You never really spent much time with other kids, did you?

I'm allergic. I have allergies.

Right. Only...

you're not scratching now. And you're on a bus with kids.

So I am!

Maybe you've just been shut away for so long

that you thought you were allergic. Your parents...

they never let you have friends. You spent all your time studying.

They just wanted me to do well. It was always just me and Mr Bear.

Keys.

So, this island...does it have a water park?

-You OK?

-I did some regression-based psychoanalysis

-using my own experience of alienation.

-Uh?

-Girl talk.

REPORTERS SHOUT QUESTIONS

-I know you're really old...

-But we never thought you was dull.

You can't help getting old, dear, but you can stay young at heart.

Rose!

I so wasn't worried.

"I...will...not...be...a...bad..."

Come on, Flatley!

We'll be here all day if you don't speed it up.

Yes, Sir!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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