Big Sister M.I. High


Big Sister

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Over here, mate. Give us a volley.

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Oops!

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Child detected. Child detected. Child detected.

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You, child!

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Disgusting creature! Yes, you with the filth around your nose.

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You have exactly five seconds to vacate my property.

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One...two...three...four...five!

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CRACKLING OF ELECTRICITY

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Do you want to watch television, Mr Bear?

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'The schools of this country are in crisis...

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'an epidemic of unruly behaviour.

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'The cure?

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'An initiative of Good Manners.

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'Together we will teach our children to value hard work over hoodies,

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'and politeness over pranks.

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Hooray! Hooray!

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At last.

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Someone to put these ghastly children in their rightful place.

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'The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

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'The old-school spies have had their day,

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'and M.I.9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.'

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'Hidden in a place no villain will think to look.'

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Welcome to M.I. High.

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I'm not surprised you chose St Hope's, Minister,

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we do have some of the best behaved pupils in Britain.

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Good manners is one of our core values.

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Aw, you throw like a girl!

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Good manners and humour.

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One of our other core values.

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Mr Flatley, you and I are the same.

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Nothing means more to us than the welfare of children.

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So where better to launch my Good Manners Initiative?

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Oh, yes, and it was inspired getting the children to mix

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with local senior citizens.

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The older generation really know the meaning of hard work.

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Hard work, not hoodies, Mr Flatley.

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Exactly. Politeness, not pranks.

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Ah, my CCTV cameras. To monitor the children's progress.

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Don't want their good deeds going unrecorded.

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Sorry. Hey, aren't you Mary Taylor, the Minister of Schools?

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My! It's nice to be recognised by a young person for once.

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Ah yes, Rose... one of our best pupils.

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Never messes around.

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(Not many friends to mess around with...)

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COMMUNICATOR BUZZES

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Wait!

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-Where did that come from?

-Flatley must be installing them.

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I hope it's getting my best side.

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I mean... how are we gonna get into HQ now?

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Stay there and act normal!

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What? This is normal.

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I don't know what's older, you or the printer!

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Get out the way!

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Now all that thing's gonna see is an an empty corridor.

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Team, the Minister for Schools has chosen St Hope's

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to be part of a Good Manners Initiative.

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That's why Flatley's putting up cameras.

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They're all around the school.

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If we do anything remotely spy-like, we're busted.

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Spy gadgets.

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Hair mousse?

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This'll come in handy when I travel in time to the '80s!

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It also disables security systems.

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And inside that is a camera which drills through walls.

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Your mission is to disable all cameras

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which might expose your spy status.

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Team, the entire M.I. High operation is at stake.

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Oh, yeah...you're gorgeous... you work it...go, girl...

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Everything all right, Miss Templeman?

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These stupid cameras! Aren't they a violation of privacy or something?

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You're gorgeous...you work it... you go, girl...

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I could hardly say no to the Minister, could I?

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It's not as if the cameras will spot any really bad behaviour

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at this school, is it?

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Well, at least the Minister's idea for a Senior Citizens Week

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was a good one, I suppose.

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Yes, perhaps it'll teach them a little dignity and decorum.

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CHILDREN SCREAM AND SHOUT

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Well, there's more to life than dignity and decorum...

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-Can I have a go?

-This is basketball, not basket weaving.

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Thanks for the tip.

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-Oww!

-Oops.

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Honestly, Rose, you're not big and you're not clever.

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Well, you are clever, obviously...

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IQ off the chart and all that, but don't let me tell you again!

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Don't hold back now, girls...

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I used to be a bit of a wild child in my day.

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-Really? But you're so...

-Ancient.

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Kids today...

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you've got old people all wrong.

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I remember when it was all late nights, parties, rock'n'roll...

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- You were into rock'n'roll?! - Er, still am, thank you!

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The good thing about having a walking stick -

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I can fight my way to the front at Crush concerts.

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You like Crush?

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Age is nothing but a state of mind.

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Most old people are so boring!

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Old people are so boring.

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-Old people are dull!

-Old people are well dull!

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Ah-ha-ha!

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- What? - Aren't you meant to be entertaining me?

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- I can do a rap if you want. - Come on, then!

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# Cos you is old folk, so wrinkly and scary

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# You can't hear a thing, cos your ears are hairy

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# My granny busts a groove in her Zimmer frame

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# That's all she can do to remember my name... #

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Yeah, all right, all right. Is that the best you can do?

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Like to see you do any better!

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# Youngsters, youngsters, here's the thing

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# Life's about way more than bling

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# Life's about having whacked-out fun

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# Doing everything under the sun

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# Youngsters, youngsters, listen to this

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# Heed my rap and do not diss. #

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-That was well wicked.

-Respec'!

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You should hear my guitar solo!

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Would you like a cream bun?

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CREAM...BUN?

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Is he on medication?

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No, no, no! No, thanks.

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Got to watch my weight, I'm running in the Marathon this year.

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Maybe you'd like a cup of tea, Mr...

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Oi! Watch my homie's suit, man!

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Yes, Stewart, do watch his homie's suit, man...

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Give it here, Flatley, you're making it worse!

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-I say, how do you know my name?

-Come on Flatley, use the noggin.

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Don't tell me you don't remember your old headmaster?

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Mr Bleaze? I mean, Sir!

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Adult detected.

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Access allowed.

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Stop! Stay where you are!

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I can smell child!

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Aagh! Please, I didn't go near the kids!

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Oh, really? Is that why I'm sn-sn-sn-sn... ACHOO!

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Just the smell brings me out in a rash.

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Just give me the tapes and go!

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Time the world saw how horrible and contaminating children really are.

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And soon, they'll all be gone!

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I know I make this job look easy,

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but the school's changed quite a bit since you were Headmaster.

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Rubbish. Kids never change.

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There's nothing this lot could pull on me I haven't seen before.

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Is it raining, Julian?

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See? Nothing but respect.

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You certainly have a way with the children, Flatley.

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'The urgent need for Mary Taylor's Good Manners Initiative

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'was brought home today, when our news team

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'was handed this shocking footage.

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'This senior citizen went to St Hope's, looking for friendship.

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'Instead she was subjected to a brutal ordeal

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'at the hands of these out of control children.'

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'Old people are so boring.'

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'Old people are well dull!'

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But that's not how it happened! We were having fun!

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'One young hooligan attacked this defenceless pensioner

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'with scalding hot tea...'

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That's out of order! Stew would never do that on purpose.

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'Some viewers may find these images shocking...'

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Some viewers may find these images to be lies!

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That footage has been totally re-edited!

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See? They even made Rose look like a hooligan.

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People will know it's been tampered with.

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People believe what they see on the news.

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-Someone did this on purpose.

-Agreed.

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We need to find out who,

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and why they want to make the kids at St Hope's look like tearaways.

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The guard with the tapes... who is he working for?

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At least we know it's not Mr Flatley.

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'Scenes like these appear to reveal a dark truth

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'about children's behaviour in Britain today.

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'Now over to Toby Haynes for the football results.'

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I always knew I'd be famous one day.

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-What's going on?

-Oh, nothing.

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Just watching the St Hope's reality TV show!

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The press are here!

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I told you they'd want interviews!

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THE GIRLS SQUEAL

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REPORTERS SHOUT QUESTIONS

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Do the pupils at St Hope's have any manners at all?

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-Are they all just anti-social hoodies?

-Now quiet down.

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There are no hoodies at this school.

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-Well, there may be a few...

-Oh, no...

-But only when it's raining!

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He's not very good at this, is he?

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I think what Mr Flatley is trying to say...

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is that we all saw the shocking footage on the news this morning.

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Clearly, much stronger measures are needed

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to teach our children some manners.

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And not just at this school - at every school in the country.

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Is every school in the country as bad as this one?

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We will solve this crisis. We will save our children from themselves...

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Come along kids, no need to hear this any more.

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I'm going to follow the minister.

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-Thought I'd never catch you up!

-Stew! What are you doing here?

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Someone re-edited that footage. This whole thing stinks.

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Look, it'll all blow over.

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Fancy a kick about?

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Blane, people think I'm a delinquent!

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Didn't he play for Arsenal?

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'Ere, on me 'ead!

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I'll get it.

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Teenager detected.

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You two! Leave me alone!

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Look at me when I talk to you, you disgusting little boys!

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This is the creepiest thing ever.

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You have five seconds to get off my lawn.

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Stew, run for it!

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One!

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-Blane?

-Two! Three!

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Is it me, or is that gnome...

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-Go! I'm right behind you!

-Four!

-Run!

-Five! You asked for it!

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Owwwww! Owwwww!

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Guess she's not a football fan.

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Can you smell something?

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Mary Taylor edited the CCTV footage.

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She hired the security guard. I saw her pay him.

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Why would the Minister for Schools want to make kids look bad?

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She's fortified her home against kids.

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Her garden is electrified.

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-What about the pen gadget?

-Didn't have time to check.

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I was a bit preoccupied with the "about to be electrocuted" thing.

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It worked. The recording's coming through now.

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'My home is a child free zone!

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'My home is a child free zone!

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'My home is a child free zone!

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'My home is a child free zone!'

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What is she doing?

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'Make the children all vanish, Mr Bear.

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'Just make them all vanish!'

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Did she just talk to the bear?

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She's totally lost it.

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Unless she's allergic to kids...

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and she's totally lost it.

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Look!

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'In 45 minutes,

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'parliament will vote to give me emergency powers

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'to deal with the bad manners epidemic which is sweeping Britain.

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'These children need help, before it's too late...'

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WE need help? Uh, hello!

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Emergency powers to deal with children?

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There must be a reason why she hates kids.

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We'll have to visit the madhouse, see what we can find out.

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I'll work on a profile of the Minister.

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Team, if the vote is passed, Mary Taylor will have the power

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to do whatever she likes to every kid in Britain. You have 45 minutes.

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There - the alarm system.

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Leave it to me.

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-Actually, maybe I am gonna need your expertise.

-I knew it!

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Yeah...I'm gonna need someone to stand on.

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Got it! Hey, this hair mousse is like glue.

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Maybe Lenny uses it...

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AAAH!

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These are good kids.

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Someone's deliberately making them look like delinquents.

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I appreciate your concern...

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Between you and me,

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I just received a personal call from the Minister for Schools.

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You'll never guess what's going to happen!

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Oh, no...Flatley...

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No time for chatting!

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Or don't you want to hear about the special treat

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the Minister has planned?

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I'm not taking any chances.

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-Aaargh! Aaargh!

-Aaargh! Aaargh!

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I'm joking! Just joking!

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Mary Taylor went to St Hope's!

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There's someone I need to talk to.

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She's got the editing equipment.

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But why she's trying to make kids look bad?

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Same reason everything's covered in this disgusting gunk.

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I have no idea.

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Apparently, Mary Taylor was a pupil here, when you were Headmaster.

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You must remember something about her?

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How could I forget? She was a bright spark...

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she left St Hope's to go to university when she was only 12.

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A quiet girl...

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never messed around with the other kids.

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Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

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Attention, everyone! Now, as you may be aware, the Minister for Schools

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wants to pass a new law to teach children good manners.

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PUPILS BOO

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Quiet, please! Here's the exciting bit.

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As soon as the law is passed,

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the minister plans to send every child in Britain...

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wait for it...

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on a two-week adventure holiday!

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Yes, that's right! Starting with the children of St Hope's.

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CHEERING

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Wicked! Two weeks on a sun lounger.

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Wicked, two weeks by the pool.

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Wicked, two weeks tipping them off the sun loungers into the pool!

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An adventure holiday, organised by someone who hates children?

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COMMUNICATOR BUZZES

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Did you find anything?

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Only some editing equipment, nothing to do with her new law.

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Not unless the bear knows something...

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Look in the bear!

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You're kidding me...

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Trust me! And hurry.

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The clock!

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An island? Must be where the Minister's sending the kids

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-for the adventure holiday.

-No houses, no hotels...

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It's not an island...

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Blane, it's a prison!

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"I, Mary Taylor, plan to send every kid in Britain to the island...

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"until they're 18."

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She doesn't want to teach kids good manners,

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she wants them locked up!

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-Stop! Don't get on that bus!

-No way, we're going on holiday.

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Getting out of this prison for a change.

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At least this doesn't have bars on the windows!

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I'll think of a plan B. You stop Mary.

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I've got an idea.

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This island looks wonderful!

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The children are going to be taught so much.

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That's your job, Flatley.

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This lot, loose on an island?

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It'll be like that film...

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-The one with lots of kids, loose on an island.

-Relax.

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What on earth could happen to them? They've all got their factor 30!

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Of course, the real winners in all this will be the children.

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I don't think the kids will see it that way, do you?

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Of course they will!

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Who wouldn't want to spend two weeks on holiday?

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Singing, getting fresh air...

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That's not what you're planning!

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You're sending every kid in Britain to your version of Alcatraz!

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How ridiculous!

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It's a two week, all-in luxury deal!

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Then how do you explain this?

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This is the document giving you the right to hold those kids

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on that island, until they're 18.

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They'll be back in two weeks, well-rested and polite.

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Trust me, dear, I know what I'm doing.

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I did go to university when I was 12.

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So I'm wrong. You're not allergic to children...

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Get away from me, you horrible child!

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Where is it? I need my inhaler...

0:25:080:25:10

I have allergies!

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Get that bus out of here!

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You said this was a school trip, not a kidnapping!

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But it's for their own good! Oh, I'll do it myself!

0:25:170:25:20

Don't move!

0:25:320:25:33

Those are my children on that bus, and they're not going anywhere!

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Stop!!

0:25:410:25:42

Look out!

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-Get that ridiculous man out of my way!

-He's not ridiculous!

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He's our Headmaster.

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You never really spent much time with other kids, did you?

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I'm allergic. I have allergies.

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Right. Only...

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you're not scratching now. And you're on a bus with kids.

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So I am!

0:26:120:26:14

Maybe you've just been shut away for so long

0:26:140:26:16

that you thought you were allergic. Your parents...

0:26:160:26:19

they never let you have friends. You spent all your time studying.

0:26:190:26:23

They just wanted me to do well. It was always just me and Mr Bear.

0:26:230:26:29

Keys.

0:26:310:26:32

So, this island...does it have a water park?

0:26:410:26:44

-You OK?

-I did some regression-based psychoanalysis

0:26:480:26:51

-using my own experience of alienation.

-Uh?

-Girl talk.

0:26:510:26:55

REPORTERS SHOUT QUESTIONS

0:26:570:26:59

-I know you're really old...

-But we never thought you was dull.

0:27:090:27:14

You can't help getting old, dear, but you can stay young at heart.

0:27:140:27:19

Rose!

0:27:210:27:23

I so wasn't worried.

0:27:260:27:29

"I...will...not...be...a...bad..."

0:27:320:27:39

Come on, Flatley!

0:27:390:27:41

We'll be here all day if you don't speed it up.

0:27:410:27:43

Yes, Sir!

0:27:430:27:45

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:500:27:53

E-mail [email protected]

0:27:530:27:56

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