Art Attacks M.I. High

ZAPPING

ZAPPING

You're a rubbish shot, anyway.

Oooh.

Frank? Should've guessed.

No point being head of training

if you don't get your boots dirty, now and then.

What's with the Aztec headgear?

What, this? Oh, I just wanted to look like

one of those Latino wrestlers you kids are all into.

Did you have to deploy a tank against me?

I don't know why you're complaining. You've had six weeks holiday!

And you've topped the training review again. With a record score!

'Now, get back to school.

'Daisy and Blane have gone -

'your two new team-mates are waiting in class.

'See if you spot them.'

PUPILS CHATTER

Welcome back, boys and girls.

A new year, and a new term.

Now, register.

HE SIGHS

Davina Berry?

Yeah.

Donovan Butler?

Yeah.

TEACHER SIGHS

-Oscar Cole?

-Huh?

Avril Franklin?

Yes.

-Rose Gupta?

-Yes, sir.

Hello, Rose.

Timothy Hinklebottom?

MOBILE PLAYS TUNE

Be upstanding, for His Coolness.

Scoop Doggy.

-Coat!

-HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS

I like to chill, but I'm picking up a breeze in here.

CLATTERING

CHILDREN LAUGH

Carrie Stewart?

Here.

(And this one...)

(was for the beam exercise.)

Frank must have been joking.

LOW BEEPING

SHE SIGHS

Sir? I need to take this month's rainfall readings.

All right, Rose.

BEEPING

It's called deep cover?

KLAXON SOUNDS

BELL RINGS

Hello?

Frank!

-Control explosion.

-CLATTERING

-Daisy and Blane weren't the only ones reassigned.

-Where are they?

They're heading up Unit Alpha -

training more young spies like yourselves.

We may be a new and untested team,

but the world's villains won't know what's hit them.

Rose's brilliant mind has already saved the UK on countless occasions.

Carrie's not just a top gymnast -

put her against kung fu monks and she'll eat them for breakfast.

-Only if I'm hungry.

-Oscar.

Speaks 14 languages, specialist in surveillance,

expert in deep-cover ops -

his Mum was one of MI9's top agents.

-Your mother's a spy?

-And so's mine.

But...not for the Government.

Right.

Don't you want to know about your first mission together?

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old-school spies have had their day,

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no villain will think to look...

Welcome to MI High.

The world's great monuments are being defaced -

you're the only ones that can save them.

They're being covered in provocative artwork.

It mocks the host country,

or says the UK's got something much better.

-Do we have a suspect?

-They're signed -

-by British graffiti artist, name of Kranky.

-He's famous -

for no-one knowing who he is.

I guess the nations involved are angry with Britain?

Very! And we can't have that.

There's a world conference coming up.

The countries need to work together to defeat The Grand Master.

We want everyone to sign an anti-SKUL treaty.

With everyone blaming Britain for the graffiti, there's no chance!

-So, you want us to find Kranky?

-And stop him.

And his...aerosol. Exactly.

To help, MI9 has sent this new gadget.

This is great.

The Rumbler.

Attach it to the palm of your hand...

BEEPING

..and it sends secret text messages.

BUZZING

-There's a small vibration alert.

-That is so clever!

The anti-SKUL treaty needs to be signed in six hours.

It's a tight deadline - let's go.

Mmm. Yes. Yes.

Her CV was most impressive.

Oh!

ALL: Oh!

Oh!

BOY SCREAMS

Ha, not that there's any trouble to shoot here, of course.

Oh!

Morning, Flatley. I'm Mrs King.

-Your new deputy head.

-Oh.

-Pleased to meet you.

-Now,

a new curriculum, more suited to our needs.

I've suggested we scrap Art lessons,

and concentrate instead on the three Rs.

Umm...reading, rhyming and...running?

Reading, writing and arithmetic.

It's time we equipped these kids for the real world.

Here at St Hope's, we don't believe in restricting our ambitions.

For us, the sky is the limit.

Last year's exam results... were the limit.

BELL RINGS

HE TUTS

Mrs King. Expression... is what young minds need!

Hmm?

SHE SIGHS

Oh.

You have done well.

I have one last commission for you.

It will totally destroy the reputation of the talentless Kranky,

and make Britain the pariah of the civilised world...

PHONE BEEPS

..ensuring their anti-SKUL treaty is never signed.

HE GIVES AN EVIL LAUGH

Kranky's graffiti is made with an aerosol.

SPRAY HISSES

The particle distribution pattern tells me he's left-handed.

-SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

-Yuck, fumes.

He always sprays the same distance from the object.

0.3 metres.

Everything's done with a Zambro brand car spray,

-with ultra-fine nozzle.

-Wow.

-Rose, that's amazing.

-Sorry. But it doesn't prove anything.

It could easily be someone faking Kranky's style.

-He kind of does have a point.

-Thanks(!)

And I thought I knew a little about spying.

But so do we. We passed our training programme with flying colours.

Training isn't fieldwork.

Arguing won't get us anywhere. Let's focus on the mission.

I'm confident the artist making the graffiti is Kranky.

If Rose is right, then we need to flush Kranky out.

Before he sets the whole world against us.

Fail! Fail! Fail!

Look. A new initiative to nurture the creativity of our youngsters.

A 2% pass rate in written English?

I'm entering their paintings into the National Schools Art Contest.

So, eyes open for any budding Picassos, please.

My proposed new timetable, focusing on the three Rs.

HE WHIMPERS

Why don't we have a challenge?

If a pupil from St Hope's wins a prize in your art competition,

we'll continue with the old curriculum.

And if not?

We do things...my way.

A wager!

How exciting!

Hours of research -

all we've come up with is Kranky's allergic to seafood. So not useful.

We might know more if one of us went graffing with Scoop Doggy.

Scoop? He can't even spell his own initials.

We're looking in the wrong circles.

-You've got a better plan, I suppose?

-Actually, I have.

Kranky's first famous piece was called Wardrobe With Attitude.

'He always regretted selling it.

'I've arranged for it to be put on display with some of his other work.

'He won't be able to resist coming to see it again.'

How come Oscar gets to be the owner?

Right, got your Rumbler gadget?

Let's split up.

The crackers with, um, blackcurrant jam are good.

It's called caviar.

Tell me, what do you, an ordinary little person,

make of this...so-called art?

BEEPING

BUZZING

No need to be nervous, dear, I just want an opinion.

I'm an art critic, you see.

(Excuse me.)

Talentless nobody.

This belongs in a skip, not a gallery.

SHE COUGHS

BEEPING

BUZZING

Can we help you?

I was just trying to score a few snacks.

I'm a student.

Sorry.

Tuck in. The gallery is loaded.

BEEPING

BUZZING

What if he doesn't show?

He'll show.

That's very good. Excellent use of colour!

That's the spirit, Timothy.

FLATLEY CHUCKLES

Art...will triumph.

Oooh.

Horrid, spooky scarecrow.

-HE CHUCKLES

-It's Oscar.

-Ah.

-I'm trying to paint what's on the inside.

Oh.

HE CHUCKLES

Mrs King! Ha-ha.

Some real talent flowering here.

I'm sure you're going to really enjoy my new curriculum.

Start again, Donovan.

BEEPING

BUZZING

Hi. Snack?

Result!

He's left-handed.

Yeah, but now let's see about the seafood allergy.

I've hidden prawns in those olives.

HE COUGHS

Are you OK?

Aaah.

CROWD GASP

CROWD MUTTER

Performance art.

We have some questions for you.

We just want to help.

Good cop, bad cop.

Textbook. Now, watch them turn up the heat.

It'd be easier if you just tell us everything you know.

Cos, if not,

we've ways of making you talk.

Kranky.

You've graffed monuments.

SHE GROANS

If you're wondering why you're not getting through...

-MUSIC PLAYS

-Hey!

Searching a suspect prior to interview is usual procedure.

-SHE SIGHS

-OK, Kranky.

What makes you think I'm Kranky?

We matched your DNA against a trace on one of your paintings.

You ARE Kranky.

Very clever.

And I like the edgy uniforms too -

you'd be like real spies if you weren't about 12 years old!

Are you working for SKUL?

Skull? Never heard of 'im.

Defacing all these beautiful monuments.

Doesn't that bother you?

No. Actually, I think it's quite cool what this Skull fellow's doing.

He's making people stop and think.

ROSE SIGHS

Just let me alone with him.

There's this interrogation technique the Romans used.

Bit of the Eiffel Tower's dropped off.

Just missing a bunch of tourists.

The graffiti's not just about insults - it's corrosive.

It's the same with the Great Wall Of China.

The paint's eating into it.

All the other countries are blaming Britain.

No-one will sign the anti-SKUL treaty now.

HE SIGHS

Oh.

I'll um...

just get the secretary to post these off, right away. Hmm?

DOOR SHUTS

Lesson one -

maths.

Lesson two - maths.

Lesson three - ooh!

A little bit more maths.

It's time Kranky knew what's really going on.

Not only does the graffiti look bad,

it's destroyed beautiful monuments.

Kranky will only be remembered for wrecking things.

-What?

-The Eiffel Tower...

the Statue Of Liberty - kids in the future will never get to see them.

How sad is that?

Hey!

No way is this down to me.

I didn't destroy no monuments.

My work's been framed!

Paint I use doesn't damage anything.

Well... it doesn't make it fall apart.

-So you'll help us catch him then?

-Totally.

This Skull guy's out of order.

The Sydney Opera House falling apart.

Tiles dropping off the Taj Mahal.

Everyone hates Britain, Flopsy.

And with this final outrage,

all chances of their anti-SKUL treaty being signed will be destroyed...

forever.

HE CHUCKLES

We need to get inside the fake Kranky's mind.

If you were him, where would you strike next?

He'll want something iconic.

I'd wondered if the art attacks followed a certain order. They do.

A mathematical sequence, based on a relationship

-between the size of the country, and the number of tourists.

-Wow.

I should've spotted that.

It makes sense.

This guy wants something unique.

-A monument everyone knows.

-You thinking what I'm thinking?

-The pyramids?

-That's what my stats suggest.

One of us needs to get there, fast.

To Egypt? I'm up for that.

I've got more experience.

Only cos someone once gave you the chance to prove yourself.

Carrie. This one's yours.

Be careful!

SKUL don't take prisoners.

The conference convenes in 20 minutes.

The treaty needs to be signed immediately.

I can host the conference here.

-It'll make everything far easier to control.

-Agreed.

We can redirect the diplomats

by altering the GPS settings in their vehicle.

Let's set up the conference in the assembly hall.

But we need to keep the diplomats out of sight somehow.

I'll seal the corridors round our fake conference room.

One of my special leaking pipes should do it.

WATER DRIPS

One more?

WATER SQUIRTS

We need to keep the other staff away from the conference.

I think Kranky can help with that.

Flatley's holding this art competition...

HE SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

(Oh, dear.)

HE SIGHS

Kenneth Flatley speaking.

This is the Schools Art Competition, ringing with some good news.

-A pupil from your school has won the competition.

-Oh, really?

-But...but I only just sent them in!

-The famous street artist,

Kranky, is on his way to make the presentation.

Oh!

Ha-ha! Mrs King!

Mrs King!

Mrs Ki-i-i-i-ing!

Hope you realise I'm revealing my identity for you.

This is the judge from the art competition.

-Kranky, legend!

-He doesn't look famous!

Yeah, how do we actually know it's him?

CHILDREN MUTTER

Welcome, Mr Krank.

-Do you mind if I take a photo?

-Yeah, I do actually.

Our paintings.

Can't wait to find out who the winner is.

CHILDREN WHISPER

Some, um, very troubled backgrounds. CHILDREN LAUGH

-Yeah, and foregrounds.

-Mmm.

Ah. Yes. This one really speaks to me.

-It does?

-A psychological study,

reminiscent of Velazquez at his darkest.

Ha, she likes everything dark.

She's an emo.

HUM OF CONVERSATION

Erm...Avril's the winner! Three cheers for Avril.

Hip hip hooray!

This is gonna take some fixing.

The guard's unconscious.

Looks like SKUL got here before me.

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-These British, they expect us to agree to their precious treaty?

But still they do nothing about this, er, Kranky.

MUTTERED CONVERSATION

I'll try and stall them until Carrie comes through.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Your attention, please.

OK. That's enough. Put down the paint.

Stay out of this. It's none of your business.

Sorry, but it is.

Britain wants her good name back.

-The art critic from the exhibition?

-Brian Gainsborough.

Delighted to meet you.

The UK was not responsible for the damage to monuments.

SCEPTICAL MUTTERING

But trust me,

we are going to bring the real culprit to justice.

Did you know the word "critic", comes from the Greek "crites",

meaning judgement.

So?

So...my judgement...

is that Kranky's entire career is completely worthless!

Join the 21st century Lots of people love his work.

Oh. Wardrobes? Stuffed animals? Spray paint? Aaargh!

It's time we looked The Grand Master right in the eye...

DISGRUNTLED MUTTERING

The British monuments are not being damaged.

He's like some playground bully, playing us off against each other.

The only way to beat a bully is by sticking together,

and signing the treaty.

And what would you know about art?

Seen a poster of the Mona Lisa, have we?

Got a Van Gogh T-shirt?

Art has to keep changing. Or it dies.

You know nothing.

Michelangelo, Rembrandt...

they were giants!

And they didn't use paint out of a can.

Maybe cos they didn't have aerosol in those days.

Arrrgh!

This is a critical moment in world history.

The forces of evil are circling.

Can you believe they gave him the Turner Prize?

The likes of Kranky will be the death of real art.

How much does SKUL pay you?

I didn't do it for the money, my dear.

Though SKUL did pay me an obscene amount.

I did it...for art.

You're destroying beautiful monuments.

All cos of some personal vendetta.

I'm sorry.

But I have one last commission to fulfil.

Quelle horreur!

More of the Eiffel Tower is falling off!

This is my special acid paint.

Prepare to spray goodbye.

Oooh, aaaargh!

Ooh, aaargh!

Now that's what I call an open and shut case.

BANGING < Let me out!

-Rose? I've done it.

-< Let me out of here!

Kranky's in the clear - I've got the real culprit.

I'm sending the evidence now.

CONTINUED BANGING < I'm an art critic! Get me out!

-What use is a treaty?

-THEY MOUTH

When Britain cannot even control an artist?

No-one leaves just yet.

There is something you need to see.

The reality is, that your monuments were attacked by this SKUL agent,

impersonating Kranky.

Sign this treaty,

and let us show SKUL that we mean business.

Well done, Avril.

HE SIGHS

This is weird.

The competition organisers are saying a different school won!

Not everyone is as organised as us.

HE CHUCKLES

And, erm...I think we can forget the three Rs for now, don't you?

-Nice work, team.

-Mmm. Brian will spend ten years

helping restore the world's damaged monuments.

And to help pay for it,

Kranky's volunteered to auction some of his paintings.

I shouldn't have been so quick to put him in the frame.

Hey, we should be celebrating!

After today, I reckon we can totally trust each other.

-Right?

-Umm...

There's something you should know.

This isn't my real identity.

I'm in hiding. Part of a MI9 spy-protection programme.

-What?

-No way!

Don't worry - it's not going to interfere with my spy work.

Good job, too. You three are going to be very busy, saving the world.

Hold still, Flopsy.

"Breaking news, just in.

"The vital new anti-SKUL treaty was unexpectedly signed today."

-What?

-"The ceremony took place at a secret location in London."

The treaty HAS been signed?

I should never have trusted that pathetic art critic!

Oh, give me strength!

Oh, it's no good, Flopsy - my artistic vibe has been ruined!

HE SNARLS

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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