The Mole M.I. High

RADIO GIVES FOOTBALL SCORES

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old-school spies have had their day and MI9 must create a new breed of

skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

Welcome to MI High.

Sir, how come Mrs King's moving into your office?

Will she be Headmistress?

Certainly not! If she thinks she can just barge in here,

she's got another thing...

FOLK MUSIC PLAYS

Mrs King!

-Would you like a hand with those?

-Yes.

And the reason I'm barging in is because my office is far too small.

On my desk with those, please, Oscar.

Sorry, your desk?

We can't work on the same desk.

I got you a new one.

That thing?

Ah, the school's exam results.

We all know whose fault they are.

Right, I'm off to get the rest of my things.

I'm really not very happy about all this.

No, wait!

I can't get out!

Right, bank raids. Very exciting.

Well, bad. But exciting.

Every one of these is a bank raided in the last week.

At each one all that was found was a blocked-off tunnel entrance.

Looks like the work of the Mole.

A few years ago he tunnelled into high-security vaults. Stole loads

-of really cool stuff.

-So we go catch this Mole guy. Simps.

For the last two years, the Mole's been imprisoned to MI9. Good call.

The bank raids can't be him.

Carrie, Oscar, I want you to figure out where the new mystery tunneller

will strike next.

Mini tasers disguised as memory sticks.

Cool. Why memory sticks?

Because they give out a zapping you won't forget!

Nice one. You got me my hair gel?

Don't tell me. Melts through metal?

Actually, it's just plain hair gel.

What am I doing?

Ah, this is the really exciting bit.

Officer Gupta, meet the notorious Mole.

If anyone knows who's been tunnelling into these banks,

he does.

Relax. The floor's galvanised resin, tunnel-proof.

But why me? Can't you talk to him?

I tried. He wouldn't say a word.

The Mole is clever. We needed someone just as intelligent.

Remember, Gupta, the Mole is not to be trusted.

Good luck.

No, please, don't be scared.

And put that light out. I can't stand bright places.

No. You prefer tunnels.

You know where you are in a tunnel.

-Underground?

-I made some of the best tunnels in the business.

A one-man moley miracle, they called me.

Yeah. And look where it got you, in a cage eating through a straw.

SIPS IN A SINISTER MANNER

That's because if they gave me a spoon,

I could have tunnelled my way out.

-Yeah, right.

-Oh, really?

So how have I single-handedly escaped prison six times?

Not so clever now, are you?

Now, who can tell me why people fail exams?

Donovan?

Err... Is the answer B?

Stupidity, that is one reason.

But most people fail

because of fear.

So, I thought we could discuss some of the other fears you may have

in a sort of "fighting the fear" workshop.

OK.

So, Timothy, you first.

What might you be afraid of?

Are you kidding?

People are afraid of me.

-RAPS:

-Yo, yo, yo.

# The Scoop. The Scoop

# Because I'm a Super Scooper. #

Super Scooper? Isn't that what you pick up dog mess with?

LAUGHTER

So, what about you, Oscar?

Come on. You've got to be afraid of something.

Yeah, that I'm sitting next to you in every lesson.

It seems Oscar's not talking, as usual.

So. What about you, Davina?

Um..

-I'm scared I'll never get on Big Brother.

-And corduroy.

We can't stand corduroy.

-And folk music.

-And nose hair.

It's MY office, Frank. Mine.

I've had enough of her bossing me around.

What am I going to do?

Stand up to her, boss. Show no fear.

Right.

MOBILE RINGS

-Hello?

-Frank, it's bad news.

There's been another bank raid.

The Phantom Tunneller strikes again.

If we can just figure out which bank they're going to strike next.

I'm trying to find a pattern.

-Maybe Rose'll come through.

-You can't always rely on Rose,

-especially whilst you're still on trial.

-On trial?!

MI9 keep an eye on all new recruits, just in case they...slip up.

You mean, we could go back to being normal schoolkids?

You mean we could get chucked out?

Just a formality. I've got something that might help.

My Data Optimising Theoriser, or DOT for short.

I've loaded all data about the bank raids.

It might be able to figure out a pattern.

WHIRS

Although it is a work-in-progress.

-Well, what does it say?

-"The bank that will be

"raided next is... is...

"Hmm, tricky one.

"How the bleep should I know?"

It's got a cup-holder.

'The Mole strikes back.

'The return of the Mole'? But I haven't done anything.

I know. The papers don't think you're the Mole.

'MI9 have the wrong man.'

They think that two years ago, MI9 jailed the wrong person, you.

And the real Mole is still out there, doing the bank raids.

But I'm the real Mole! I never did boring old bank raids.

I stole top-secret cars from MI9.

I was magnificent.

Yes, and now maybe someone's trying to be just as famous.

The crimes could be the work of a copycat Mole.

A copycat? Why didn't I think of that?

CHEESY MUSIC PLAYS

Good evening and welcome to Criminal Masterminds.

This week's guest is Luke Withers!

Luke, a pleasure to have you here.

No, really. The pleasure's all mine.

Who am I kidding?

-It's all yours.

-LAUGHTER TRACK

Now, look.

You're here because you know the identity of the infamous Mole.

The man behind the most audacious crimes in history.

So tell us,

who is the Mole?

Well, brace yourselves.

It's me. No!

Yes. Never would have guessed.

So tell me. How did you manage to tunnel into these amazing places?

Well, let me introduce

the Mole Machine.

-Come on. Come on.

-No, no! No, no...

You've got to face your fears, Donovan.

Forget they're corduroy. Think, "They're just trousers."

But it's like a forest.

A forest of corduroy.

Trousers, Donovan, trousers.

You're obviously afraid of something. Just tell me.

Or else I'll hang around with you every hour of every day every week.

OK. All right. I'm not...

I'm not a big fan of the dark.

-You're scared of the dark!

-Avril!

I did it! Yes!

Trousers? Losers, more like.

-I didn't know you were teaching folk music.

-No!

No! I can't take it. Make it stop.

Yes, well, it is an acquired taste.

As am I, in fact.

Which is why I don't think we should share an office.

I'm sure I can cope with your weird little habits.

No, what I'm trying to say is, I want you out. I'm not scared of you.

Now, really, Mr Flatley. Everybody's scared of something.

Well, not me.

I don't have any fears of whatso...

Moles!

I can't stand moles!

Do you think that one robs banks?

I want you out of my office by 3 o'clock. Do you hear me?

Another one. That's over 20 banks tunnelled into by one person.

A serial bank robber.

They must have a pattern.

But if we can't work it out, I'll have to tell MI9 we're not up to it.

No way. Not while we're on trial.

We're gonna crack it. We have to.

-Oscar, I hate to admit it, but maybe this is too much even for us.

-Wait.

DOT.

DOT.

What's he doing?

I spy with my little eye something beginning with M.

-Mole.

-And guess where he's gonna strike next.

-It's a bank not far from here.

-So we get a SWAT team, go to the bank.

You want me to order a huge, unbelievably expensive SWAT team

over a dot-to-dot?

If we're gonna get fired, might as well do it in style.

Let me get this straight.

The Mole is going to tunnel into this one last bank?

And then what?

I'll be the most famous criminal in the history of...

I'm late! Don't worry, Mole fans.

I'm going to record every second.

I am now in the Mole Machine plotting a course straight down

for 20 metres, by which point I will start tunnelling,

and laughing,

all the way to the bank. Ha-ha!

We'd better have the right bank, Oscar.

Of course we do. In every bank he's raided,

the Mole has tunnelled up through the floor of the vault.

All we have to do is wait.

I am a mole and I live in a hole. I am a mole and I live in a hole.

I am a mole and I live in a... Argh!

Weird.

This is not one of mine.

I'm lost.

This is now totally freaky, Mole fans.

I'm now in someone else's tunnel.

Some sort of control panel.

'You are here.'

'Tunnel network linking all underground MI9 bases.' MI9!

Mole fans, you are not going to believe what I've found.

Imagine the headlines. Wait till I tell the papers.

The nearest MI9 base is...

..right near St Hope School. Weird.

Setting a new course, Mole fans.

Back to school!

If we don't find that Mole, we are so out of MI9.

Frank.

I understand.

You and Carrie head back to HQ and we'll see you there later.

I take it the Mole didn't show.

Hello! This blithering bank robber isn't the real Mole, I am.

-It's OK. We know you are.

-Don't trust him, Rose.

So. A whole SWAT team for nothing?

Maybe Carrie and Oscar aren't cut out for spy work after all.

What? They're great. You should have seen them on the last mission.

(Frank, what on earth were you playing at...)

Um, actually, I do know somebody who might be doing these bank raids.

I probably have a point?

-Really? Who?

-I'll tell you on one condition.

-I knew it.

-I just want to go underground one more time.

The musty aroma of soily...

Hey, some people like the beach.

All that sand in your whatsits. Ugh!

If I get you somewhere underground,

-you promise to help my friends?

-Mole's honour.

There is one place I could take you, if they let me.

I should never have let you talk me into this.

You do know he's escaped from prison five times.

-Six times, actually.

-Flatley!

Ah, Frank.

-There you are.

-All right, boss?

No, I'm not all right.

-The mole, Frank. The mole.

-You've seen the Mole?

Horrible furry little thing.

Can't you get rid of it?

Talking of getting rid, you got her out your office yet?

Is there a problem?

Um. That depends on whether you have vacated my office or not.

I'll leave you to it.

You weren't seriously asking me to move again?

I've got enough to do turning this feeble excuse of a school into...

Mrs King. This may not be the best school in the world

but it is my school and if you intend to stay on

as deputy headmistress, I suggest you get used to it.

Now, I believe you have an office to vacate.

Now according to the map,

there should be an underground MI9 base somewhere round here.

I'm going to head topside, look for signs.

LOUD CRASHING SOUND

No sign of an MI9 base.

Just a grotty old school.

Must be under here somewhere.

Mm!

I love the smell of soil in the morning. It's like...

It's largely decaying vegetable matter.

FRANK CLEARS HIS THROAT

So who is doing all these bank raids

and how did you escape from prison all those times?

I told you.

Spoons.

Oh, all right.

I had a tunnelling pod.

A Mole Machine.

That's how I did all those amazing crimes.

But in prison you can't have used the machine to escape them.

Unless the one-man miracle wasn't one man after all.

A sidekick.

We had a deal, remember.

His name's Luke Withers.

He helped me build the Mole Machine, until they built that cage.

And with you stuck in jail,

he decided to carry out the bank raids on his own.

Pretending to be me, the cheeky little...

I've found him.

There's nothing like an address.

He never told me where he lived.

Great. How's that going to help Oscar and Carrie catch him?

Mole! A giant mole!

Sir, are you all right?

No!

No, it can't be.

The same as the ones found in the bank.

What would a bank robber be doing here?

Frank, it's me.

This is so weird.

-It must be Luke Withers using a Mole Machine.

-We'll explain later.

But if Withers is at school, he must be looking for HQ.

Carrie, Oscar, you've got to stop him somehow, and quick.

Finally, we get to go down a tunnel and whoop this guy.

Hang on. He's probably blocked it off like he always does.

Maybe if he's looking for us he hasn't had time...

Oh, it's because of the whole scared of the dark thing.

I'm not scared. Just...

Look, we're on trial and I could mess it up for both of us.

Here, standard-issue glow sticks. And...

..power torch.

Plus I'll be with you the whole of the time.

-Trust me.

-Let's do it.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

And let them chuck us out of MI9?

Come on.

Let's try this way.

It's got to be here somewhere.

Although I am kind of going round in circles.

BOOMING

Wait.

What was that?

Relax, it's probably just a man-eating tunnel beast.

Don't muck about.

You know I don't like it down here.

Yeah and I told you there's nothing to worry about.

Except that, maybe.

Where is this stupid base?

Hey?

People.

This must be the MI9 base.

Rose, we've found the Mole Machine. What do we do?

What do you think? Leg it. Come on.

Right, you two, prepare to be Moled over.

-Come on!

-Carrie?

You've got to tell us how to stop that machine.

If you let me out of these.

Wait. I don't trust him.

Nice try, but we're not that desperate.

Come on. Come on! Nearly there.

Come on!

Keep going. Faster.

You two are right in my sights now. Come on!

They're growing on me.

-Very bling.

-Frank, he won't try anything. I know it.

You seriously want to trust him?

OK. But only if you tell us how to stop that thing.

The outer shells are highly conductive metal.

If your friends can put enough electricity through it,

it might short-circuit the controls.

Guys, take the covers off your memory sticks

and connect the yellow wires.

-It's a dead end.

-We're trapped.

-Oscar, focus. Where's the memory stick?

-Careful.

We need to combine the codes.

How are we going to get it onto the Mole Machine?

I've got an idea.

Hold this.

What are you doing?

Ugh! Get it away from me. Gross.

Put the memory sticks in, quick.

-Hair gel?

-It's to help it stick.

Oscar!

Come on. Faster. Come on!

The controls!

Never fear, Mole fans. The Mole will return.

And when he does...

Oh, no. I forgot to put the batteries in.

Oh, no.

-That's how to catch a mole.

-Excuse me, I'm the Mole, thank you.

No, WE were the Mole.

We were a team, remember.

Then you can be a team again in jail.

He always got the headlines, bragging how he worked alone.

That's no excuse to rob banks.

Wait. Where's the Mole?

I knew he couldn't be trusted.

COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING

I was only pretending to trust him so he'd help catch Withers.

You've got so much to learn about me.

Check it out, corduroy shoes, corduroy trousers, corduroy hat.

-FOLK MUSIC PLAYS

-Shh, I'm trying to listen.

So all the underground HQs in Britain are connected by tunnels?

MI9 are full of surprises. Half the fun of being a spy.

Which you two certainly are.

The boss says you're no longer on trial

-and that you make an impressive team.

-Unlike some people.

But you told me I had to move out.

Yes, but you can't go.

I need you to stay and protect me.

Oh, all right.

Now you sit there.

I'll keep an eye out for these...

giant moles.

Not that I'm scared of them or anything.

-Or you.

-No, no. Of course not.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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