Moontaker M.I. High

Oh, look, Flopsy, a SKUL probe on the surface of the moon!

And soon there'll be a second landing,

this time with our agents on board.

Once my plan succeeds,

the world will have no choice but to surrender to our demands.

EVIL CACKLING

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old school spies have had their day

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

Welcome to MI High.

And this totalometer will show

exactly how much money we've raised for our summer trip.

Our last trip was a great success.

We went to the Pencil Museum in Morecambe. Yes.

This time we propose something much more ambitious.

Mrs King?

We plan to take a group to NASA HQ, in Florida.

Awesome!

Yeah, Florida's like celebrity central.

Now it won't be cheap, so we'll need

lots of innovative ideas to raise money.

I'm going to have a makeover stall, emo-chic, anti-fashion?

Me and the posse can get money out of anyone.

Rose, I'm banking on you to come up with an itinerary for our trip.

-All the best places to visit.

-Yes, Miss.

Good.

Mr Flatley, sorry, your exam papers!

Oh, dear, Frank. Oh, yes, it's a nasty stain.

Not to worry, I've got just the thing.

Granny Flatley's homemade stain remover!

There...bingo!

Year three maths papers, perhaps I should have left the coffee on them!

Would you like to borrow some, Frank?

Might be useful in your work.

It might, yeah, ta.

Ah, team, have a look at this.

Is that what I think it is?

I'm afraid so.

-A SKUL space probe on the moon's surface.

-Bad news

Your mission is to find out

what SKUL are doing on the moon and put a stop to it.

Whoa! This is the perfect mission. I always wanted to be an astronaut.

I don't think they'll be any actual space flight involved.

What's up, Rose? Thought you were right into all that astronomy stuff.

Didn't do very well on the MI9 rocket simulator last year.

The machine wasn't properly calibrated.

-Even the instructor admitted it.

-Rose'll be fine.

You'll be taking some great gadgets with you.

Firstly, our old friend, the VSP,

picks up the DNA of anyone inside a building.

We also have this... GFSR.

Sounds dangerous. What is it?

-Granny Flatley's stain remover.

-You joking?

I never joke about gadgets. I've seen this stuff in action

and, believe me, it has some remarkable properties.

I want you to field test it for me. We need to locate

the SKUL lunar programme and make sure it doesn't go any further.

Ah, my brave astronauts!

Are you looking forward to your trip?

They say the moon is made of cheese, Flopsy,

but we'll find something far more valuable there.

Something that will give us control over all the world.

I'm starting flight data for anything next to earth's atmosphere,

I think this might be the SKUL probe.

-Can you pinpoint the launch site?

-Hopefully to within a few feet.

I'm looking at SKUL agents with expertise in space travel.

-Frank?

-I know this face, don't tell me, Patrick Houston?

Top space expert.

He also hosts the late night space programme, Night Sky.

-Like anybody ever watches that!

-I want to show him a picture

-of the SKUL probe and get his take on it.

-Good idea!

Get straight to the TV studios, now.

Oscar? Where are you going?

Er, that fundraising thing.

I had no idea.

I booked the science labs for my makeover, promise you'll turn up.

You could do with a new look.

Sure, you should ask Donovan, too.

Oscar?

I've traced the SKUL launch to a remote area of the countryside.

The land belongs to something called the UKLDP.

The whole place is classified maximum security red.

Sounds like a visit is in order.

Oscar? We're heading to a suspected launch site called the UKLDP.

Could you ask Houston about it?

'Cool. I'm at the TV studio now. Just hope my disguise works!'

Mr Houston?

Terry Drewitt, Astronomy and Stargazer magazine.

We spoke on the phone.

Ah, Drewitt... Yes! Splendid!

You're three minutes late. Peppermint tea?

No, thank you, Mr Houston. This is great honour, by the way.

How can I help you? Don't have long.

Mars is aligned with Perseus this evening, hoping for clear skies.

-What?

-I made an interesting sighting myself, as I told you.

Your phantom rocket? Yes.

It took off from somewhere owned by UKLDP.

I wondered if the name rung any bells.

No!

Ha-ha-ha! I'm sorry! Not my field.

-Mr Hewitt...

-Drewitt.

-As I said, busy evening ahead!

If you'll excuse me.

I just spoke to Houston. I don't trust him, he's up to something.

He twiddled his moustache. I'm gonna to follow him.

-I brought some of my old clothes to sell.

-Not bad.

Second-hand clothing, can be big money in this. What else you got?

Ha-ha, happy memories! I must say, I'm rather reluctant to part with it.

I suppose I should just make sure all the pieces are still here.

Oh.

Well, you shouldn't have left it lying around, then.

So this is the mysterious UKLDP.

Four people within radius, and one of them's a SKUL agent.

OK, let's split up. I'll try and locate the SKUL agent,

and you see if this place really could be used for a launch.

Tripwire?

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

'Oscar, where are you?'

Map reference...page nine, K10.

No way! You're at the UKLDP site, too!

You must be one of the people Rose picked up on the VSP.

Did Mr Houston lead you there?

Yeah, but he just gave me the slip.

What, cuddly old Mr Houston?

Cuddly, nothing, he's had spy training, probably from SKUL,

you'd better watch out for him.

It's still warm.

Guys, I'm in what looks like the old mission control room.

Someone's been here recently.

No way!

It's worse than we thought. There's another SKUL rocket here,

-'and it's primed to launch.'

-Can you stop it?

-'I'll try.'

The weird thing is, there's no-one here to fly it.

DOOR CREAKS

That's where you're wrong.

I thought you were off watching Mars aligning with Perseus.

-Drewitt!

-Or were you too busy working for SKUL?

SKUL? How dare you!

You're the SKUL agent!

Hang on... "Can you hear the drums, Senor Fernando?"

"Only if the window is open."

HE CHUCKLES

Oscar Cole,

-MI9.

-I'm glad to meet you, dear boy, retired MI9 myself.

I was intrigued by your story of a rocket launch from here,

it's been closed down for years, you see.

My team think there's going to be another launch any moment.

I feared as much. There's something I have to show you.

Rose?

-Rose?

-Sorry, your little friend got tied up in her work.

MI9 issue!

Britain must be desperate if it's using little girls as spies.

You're going to wish you hadn't said that!

You were saying?

Get off!

So you see, back in the 60s, Britain already had a man on the moon.

You?

But how come no-one knows about this? This is huge!

Because it's classified!

Why? What were you doing on the moon that was so secret?

A missile base. On the moon?

UKLDP. UK Lunar Defence Programme.

20 rockets trained on our enemies.

The base was shut down once the Cold War ended.

That's why SKUL are here? Planning another space mission?

-I fear so.

-They're going to reactivate our old missile sites

and hold the whole earth to ransom. Rose? Carrie?

The line to my team has gone dead. They were in the control room.

I can take you there.

The automatic countdown has been activated.

Once refuelling's complete we can board.

Working for SKUL isn't a smart career option, you know?

I wouldn't upset Zak. Those teeth can chew through metal cable.

-What kept you?

-Venus!

-You know her? She's the SKUL agent.

-How could you?

-Get over it, Grandad.

Grandad?

Right! Which one do you want? Metal-mouth, or Venus?

I'll take Tin-teeth.

-Must be my magnetic personality!

-If you didn't make jokes like that,

maybe people wouldn't attack you.

Ready for a few makeovers?

Can I style you, Sir?

Um, perhaps later, Avril. Do you have any bookings yet?

-One, Oscar Cole.

-Oh.

Metal-mouth damaged the console. I can't shut the rocket down from here.

-We'll have to do it manually from the rocket.

-Cool.

I've always wanted to see inside a real spaceship.

-METAL-MOUTH GRUNTS

-Come on.

It's not that rocket simulator thing, is it?

Don't be stupid. Let's go.

It's all right, I'll look after these two.

Now hurry!

Half-price makeover, anybody?

Nah, that emo stuff ain't really our scene, Vlad,

besides, me and the posse've got a shop to run.

We're selling stuff from the streets, from the ghetto... Open?

Uh! Where's first class?

Fuel pump...off!

Now to set the computer to manual.

Is it this one?

No, that's the air conditioning. Please just keep out of the way.

Er, I think we should go.

No, wait, I've almost got it.

ELECTRONIC BEEPING

I'm sorry, it was all so exciting, and I got to go to space, and...

-I've been so stupid!

-Poor thing! You've been lead astray.

Here, I've got a tissue somewhere...

'Launch sequence activated'.

Have a nice trip!

What have you done?

'39, 38, 37...'

Guys, what's happening?

-'..35, 34, 33...'

-The door's locking!

What?

Everything's locked on auto!

Help! Open the door! Get us out of here!

There's no time for that. We've got to get these on, get strapped in.

Get us out of here!

Open the door!

No, you don't understand, I can't do this!

'Three...two...one...zero.'

Ah, successful liftoff, General.

Our missiles will soon be trained on a helpless world.

Now, our list of demands.

The entire contents of the Bank Of England...

Buckingham Palace as a summer residence...

all the Queen's corgis to be replaced by rabbits.

Rose is in shock.

It's like the flight simulator incident, but 1,000 times worse.

We need to get her back to earth fast.

How are we going to do that? We're not astronauts.

'No, but I am! Rocket, this is Houston...'

Senior!

-Together we can get that rocket back safely.

-How?

They're kids, and you're past it.

One deviation from the correct route and they're toast.

We'll see about that.

Your rocket has a powerful guidance system on board,

-'it'll do the tricky stuff.'

-Good. That sounds promising.

ELECTRONIC BEEPING

-This is Houston.

-'Houston? London, Frank London.'

I've checked your file. Apparently you're one of us.

What's the situation there?

Radar shows a rocket leaving the earth's atmosphere!

-Bad business, I'm afraid. Your agents are on board that rocket.

-What?

I'm on my way!

I've got to admit, Timothy, I've been wrong about you.

Your store is very impressive. Where did you get it all from?

It's the strangest thing! My desk is completely empty.

Everything's gone! They've even taken my name plaque.

Fancy buying a replacement?

Wait a second, the things missing from my office are exactly the same

as the things on your stall. What a wonderful coincidence!

How much for the lot?

Um, £7.23, innit?

What's the situation?

As good as can be expected. The rocket's functioning well...

Hang on, what's this?

'Temperature warning!'

-Where's the communicator? She must have dropped it.

-That's weird.

It's got ice on it.

'Team, it's Frank. I'm at UKLDP.'

Frank, It's really cold in here.

The windows and doors are freezing up.

'I know. Houston says the ship is low on fuel,'

-so it's diverting fuel to the engines.

-'Away from the heating?'

Frank, we'll freeze to death. How do we switch it back?

We can't.

If we do, we won't have enough fuel to get home.

We're going to die.

'You're not going to die.'

I won't let that happen.

'We just need time to think.'

Frank, I don't think we have a lot of time.

There must be a way of fixing it. Every problem has an answer.

It's just knowing where to look.

But they're in space! There's just no way of getting them more fuel.

What if they already had some with them?

'Team! Do you still have Granny Flatley's stain remover?'

Not sure any of us fancy spending our last moments cleaning, Frank.

'Listen to me. It's paraffin-based.

'It should be enough to get the heating going again.

-'You'll find the heating pipes at the back of the rocket.'

-G-genius!

Where's the bottle?

It was in my pocket.

This is my sort of job.

Carrie! What are you doing?

Whoa! Cool!

'Team, it's Frank. Have you found the bottle?'

'Carrie's on it. She's in the heating system now.'

Come on, Granny.

Stay with me, Rose.

'Wait...it's getting warmer.'

The heating is on!

'Repeat, the heating is on.'

That was close.

'Houston, we have a problem.

'Our navigational computer's gone down.'

The rocket's diverted power from the computer to the engines.

Shame you're out of that granny potion.

-Can they land the rocket without the computer?

-Not a chance.

They need it to calculate the angle of entry through the atmosphere.

Get it wrong, they'll be burnt to a cinder.

-Could one of my team do the calculations?

-Impossible!

No human can perform those mathematics.

-They're incredibly complex.

-You don't know Rose Gupta.

Team, it's Frank.

'Rose has to calculate re-entry and manually type it in.'

That's not going to happen.

Rose is in shock. We can't reach her.

'Whatever's going on, deal with it.'

I'm sorry. But Rose is your only hope.

You're throwing this out?

Yeah, it's two weeks old.

Well, we don't, we keep this stuff until it comes back into fashion,

then we flog it again. This could be big business.

Oh, this would be nice for my niece. How much do you want?

Sorry, it's not for sale.

Has anybody seen Rose?

Rose, you are our only chance.

Snap out of it. Remember, you are MI9.

Rose, over there is the toughest calculation

you've ever been asked to do. It's the big one.

Super complex advanced maths with all the trimmings.

Actually, it's more physics than maths.

Gross speed, measured against gravitational express

against size of rocket and earth-axis rotation.

OK, but can you do it?

Yes! I need to add the fuel co-efficient.

-I've got the figures, what do I do with them now?

-'Pull the lever.'

Which lever? There are two. A red one, and a green one.

Must have been a change of design since my day.

We need to find someone who knows about spaceships.

One lever sets the re-entry values, the other

opens the fuel gates, flooding the engine

-and causing the rocket to explode.

-Venus, this is your chance.

If you'll tell us which is which, I'll make sure MI9 go easy on you.

Please?

-You've caused so much harm, you could make it right.

-You're right,

I never wanted it to go this far, I just wanted to go into space.

I'm sorry, Grandad.

-It's the green lever.

-Thank you, my dear.

Rose, pull the red lever.

-'Are you sure?'

-She said green!

Red will blow up the rocket!

Trust me. Red.

I hope you're sure about this, Frank.

EXPLOSION

-What have you done?

-Wait!

You've killed your own agents.

Listen!

'Frank? Patrick? That was the re-entry rockets kicking in.

'We're coming home.'

well done, agents. I'll see you soon.

Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Relax, Oscar, it's just a rocket.

Houston, London, we're coming in to land.

How did you know?

Body language. You play with your hair when you lie.

Ha! Well, I'll be... Ha-ha! Should have thought of that myself.

The curse of the Houstons. We can't help ourselves.

With me, it's always been my moustache.

My whole space programme out of action,

and farewell to our list of demands.

It looks like my daily horoscope was right, General,

ambitious plans must be put on hold.

Look, Avril, I'm really not sure about this.

-Sir, you promised!

-Yes, I know I did, it's just... Oh.

You are going to look amazing!

Ah, take them away!

Frank!

Hang on, I'll come, too.

I may not like it, but Venus is family.

I won't abandon her whatever she's done.

He's stuck fast...come on, here we go! That's it.

-I think we need a holiday.

-Oh-oh.

-Thanks heaps for your support, Oscar.

-And Rose, so much for your help

with the itinerary! I thought you would have been interested

in visiting NASA.

HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

LAUGHTER

Before we reveal the totals, I'll need your contribution.

-So that's £5.00 for the jigsaw puzzle you wouldn't sell.

-Yes.

-£5.00 for Avril's makeover.

-Yes.

And £7.23 you promised Timothy

-to buy your own stuff back.

-Yes.

Time to reveal the grand total.

Ah.

Oh...

So that is 17 pounds and 23 pence.

Yes, well, sorry, boys and girls,

looks like St Hope's won't be visiting NASA

after all. Ha-ha! We reached for the stars,

but never got into orbit.

Subtitling by Red Bee Media Ltd

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