The Octopus M.I. High

Captain, I am The Octopus...

You and your cargo are now under my control.

Further resistance is useless.

Do you have what we came for?

Good.

Then we set sail at once for my underwater lair.

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old school spies have had their day

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no-one will think to look.

Welcome to MI High.

All right, everyone to the shallow end, please.

WHISTLE

Good.

Let's begin with the breaststroke.

A nice frog's leg kick, everyone.

This is a joke.

Yes, I'm sorry, it's just that

Mrs King has issued new health and safety guidelines.

-What, that we can't swim in water?

-You've seen them?

-Next you'll say we can't kick a ball.

-How did you know?

I suppose some wimp like Rose complained.

Hey! I enjoy swimming too.

That's enough talking, everyone.

BUZZING

Team, we're to investigate a series of pirate raids in British waters.

Piracy?

What, you mean like in the Pirates Of The Caribbean?

That was a movie. These guys are for real.

Their attacks are deadly, effective

and they know exactly what they want.

Here's a list of what's been stolen.

Hydrogen, enriched plutonium.

But these are things you'd need to make a nuclear warhead.

Only uranium's missing.

The Andover ship is passing through British waters today.

She's carrying uranium rods.

It'll be your mission to protect her and her cargo.

-But you'll be handling the mission from HQ, right?

-I'm afraid not.

Agent London has a conflict of interest so I'm in charge.

I had a cousin, Charlton. He was a submariner.

We worked together, designing and building our own special submarine.

You said you HAD a cousin.

Charlton used the sub for monitoring marine life

as part of a conservation project.

One day he was...

He was lost at sea.

He's never been found.

Sorry.

You'll travel through the same waters in which he disappeared.

-I can't risk Agent London being distracted.

-But he wouldn't be.

The decision has been made!

London!

Chief Stark has agreed I can remain in charge of gadgets.

A Morse code send and receive glove.

You already know Morse code, of course, from your training.

You'll be inside a miniature submarine,

a bit of a pet project of mine.

Oscar, you'll be in charge.

In charge?

We're a team.

Yes, but Oscar is the only one with the relevant experience.

Undercover sub mission in the Baltic.

I met a Russian admiral who taught me everything.

Everything?

Steering is actually pretty easy.

Just keep your eyes on the road.

The ocean. Ocean.

I know what I'm doing.

Stark put me in charge, remember?

Rose, lock off compression unit.

Aye, aye, captain(!)

'What is your position?'

'We're down ten metres, maintaining contact with The Andover.'

'Mayday, mayday! This is The Andover. We are under attack.

'Repeat, we are under attack.'

Did you hear that?

Come in, please.

What happened?

All communications are down.

We need to get to The Andover quick.

SPLASH

What's that?

Something's outside.

Something big.

Looks like a shark.

That was a big shark. Oscar, get us out of here!

-Engines not responding.

-That's no shark. Look.

Giant tentacles.

If that's a tentacle, how big's the rest?

BANG

Switching to anti-squid stun mode.

You did it.

Use the stun mode again!

It's no good. I've lost all control.

Whatever it is out there, it's dragging us down.

London, what's happening?

They need our help.

-What ARE you doing?

-Building a new communicator to work at depth.

-Boffins have been trying to do that for years.

-Time someone succeeded!

Resistance is futile.

Ah, seems our nets have landed three little sprats.

Welcome aboard The Naughty Lass.

Did they really think they would defeat us, Nelson?

-So you're the pirate who's been attacking our ships.

-Pirate?

I prefer to be known as The Octopus.

Rather neat, don't you think?

The octopus being something that attaches itself to its prey

and then drags it down to the depths.

Thought they crawled out from under rocks.

Show some respect to the creatures of the sea!

These landlubbers will wish they never crossed tentacles with us.

-Yves, we dive to 20,000 leagues.

-Oui, mon capitan.

If I could just have your attention for a few moments

whilst I run through the new safety procedures.

What, in case the classroom crashes?

No, Davina. In case we have to evacuate the school in a hurry.

Now, first I want you to check the nearest exit to you.

That might be a door or a win...

BELL RINGS

Giving safety demonstrations is quite dangerous.

What's that ringing sound?

The fire alarm!

We have to test it once a day.

Dare I suggest these new rules are going a touch too far.

Oh, no. These are just the first steps

to making St Hope's a safer working environment.

What's this for? We're only going downstairs.

Ah, yes, erm...

Apparently descending more than three steps requires protective headgear.

-This is crazy!

-Yeah, this helmet will ruin my hair.

-You're treating us like little kids.

-They may have a point.

Oh. I thought YOU, at least, might share my desire

to keep our children safe from a dangerous world.

The uranium rods have been unloaded, mon capitan.

-You can begin assembling the bomb.

-What?

-You can't start building a nuclear bomb. Are you insane?

-No. I'm not.

But what would YOU call a world that persecutes porpoises,

harasses haddocks

and spoils our magnificent seas?

Whatever crazy plan you have, this is not the answer.

You know nothing about the oceans or how to protect them.

Yves, take them to the cells.

What will happen to us?

That is for the captain to decide.

But I wouldn't like to be in your, how you say, shoes.

Mrs King's gone way too far with these rules.

It's taking away our freedom, innit?

Don't worry, I think I've got a plan.

I ask you to protest as free pupils.

Mrs King's rules have taken away our freedom.

I's been stopped from spinning round cos of the sharp edges.

And I've been banned from wearing heels over half an inch.

-We'll all get detention if we have a protest march.

-Yes.

March, then we MAY get detention.

Do nothing and you MIGHT avoid the knee pads and the life jacket.

For a while.

But are you willing to trade in

all those days of safety gear and plastic cutlery

for one chance, just one chance that we can come back here

and tell our teachers that they may take our knives,

but they will never take our freedom!

CHEERING

-What do we want?

-ALL: Danger!

-When do we want it?

-Now!

-What do we want?

-Danger.

-When do we want it?

-Now!

Er, what's the meaning of this?

We want you to rethink the safety rules.

We?

I think you're being very irresponsible, Avril.

Now, come and help me put some speed restriction cones in the corridor.

Will you hurry up with that thing?

-They've been out of contact for too long.

-I'm going as fast as I can.

There isn't a science team in the world that's cracked this problem.

You need to and fast!

I must know why The Andover fell off the radar screens.

This mission's in meltdown.

-Yes!

-Finally.

-Permission to call my team.

-Of course. Get on with it!

No.

BUZZING

Frank, how did you manage to get through?

'Never mind that, where are you?'

We're not on the sub any more.

Long story.

It'll have to wait.

-Good. I see you enjoyed your last meal.

-What do you mean "last"?

I'm sorry, but I can't run the risk of you escaping.

Look, maybe we could do a deal.

Deal!

It's been tried, but mankind can't be trusted.

Can it, Nelson?

He agrees.

I must leave you now.

Once I turn off the oxygen to the cells, you have about...

30 minutes' supply. Enjoy.

We're almost ready, Nelson.

The noble dolphin, the majestic whale, lobsters like yourself,

they had no-one to protect them until I came along.

Voila.

It is done.

Good.

We prepare The Naughty Lass for immediate launch.

Our friends in the ocean will soon be safe,

but those who persecuted them should be very worried.

Time we revealed our intentions.

BEEPING

-COMPUTER:

-Incoming message, incoming message.

This is a message from The Octopus to the governments of the world.

You were the stewards of the oceans,

but you have destroyed everything in them.

The sea-going mammals, the schools of fish, the Great Barrier Reef.

Well, no more.

I am en route to fire a bomb at Antarctica's largest icecap,

flooding the world for ever.

The beautiful oceans that make up 70% of this planet

will finally be safe!

Stark here.

The UK government has received a message

from some madman called The Octopus.

He plans to blow up Antarctica with a nuclear bomb.

We know. We're in his base right now.

We've got a small problem to overcome first.

We'll call you back.

Tell him not to hold his breath.

What are you doing?

Trying to find a way out.

I know that's probably the captain's job(!)

Don't waste your energy arguing.

Just do it.

This has to be the weak point.

They're metal!

OSCAR PANTS

Not even Carrie's karate could kick us out of this.

Just as I thought! They've been weakened by salt erosion.

DRIPPING

It's just a chance.

Oscar, take off your watch.

Oscar!

First they hang up on me and now they won't call back.

They're probably very busy dealing with that maniac...

..or something's gone very wrong.

Oscar, don't sleep.

Stay with us. You have to stay awake!

Coated...

the weakest bar with...

metal corroding acid...

made out of...

food, fizzy drink...

and a watch battery.

Rose?!

CARRIE PANTS

Come on, Carrie.

You can do this.

Come on!

Mon capitan.

The bomb is loaded and we are on course for our target.

Not long now, Nelson,

until we transform the world for ever.

There's no sign of The Octopus or the nuclear bomb materials.

The Naughty Lass is missing too.

RINGING

Team, what's happening?

The Octopus has left his HQ. We're going after him.

An underwater pursuit. They'll need our help.

But I don't see what we can do.

I knew it was here.

It's a tactics book written by my late cousin, Charlton.

Tactics from a dead man. Great(!)

-He can't have been much good if he was lost at sea.

-He was a genius!

What's your alternative? Hmm? Let The Octopus blow up Antarctica?

Team, I've got something that might help -

Charlton's manual on submarine warfare.

But how do we read it? We lose all communications whilst we dive.

I'll send the basics through via the Morse code glove.

I'm not sure my knowledge of Morse code is up to it.

Mark down the dots and dashes and I'll translate. Thanks, Rose.

What am I? Your PA?

I can see The Naughty Lass.

She's diving.

We'll have to follow. Prepare to dive!

You're going to love it!

The world will be one giant aquarium.

Someone is after us! The mini submarine!

They had no oxygen!

Right, we will finish them off, once and for all.

There's a nuclear bomb on board. We cannot risk a fight!

Fight? No.

But dropping depth charges would blast them out of the water!

Turn around!

I'm picking up sonar activity from above.

Depth charges! Crew to positions. Hold tight.

CRASH!

Don't worry - we'll come through this.

CRASH!

I don't see how!

Rose and I deciphered those submarine tactics Frank sent.

When under depth charge attack, it says you go silent.

Cutting engines.

So, we've got no engines,

but he's still right above us throwing those depth things?

It's a risk we'll have to take.

-Nothing!

-Maybe they've gone?

No, they're still there,

but they're smarter than I gave them credit for.

They're using the silent tactic - no engines, no communications.

So, what do we do?

Wait until they crack.

(Why the silence?)

I'm hoping it's a tactic and not...

SHE HICCUPS

SHE HICCUPS

SHE HICCUPS

There! Something!

Yes. Sounds almost like...

hiccups!

Their bad luck!

They defied me, now they must pay the price.

Drop more depth charges!

SHE HICCUPS

(How do you cure hiccups?)

(With a shock.)

SHE HICCUPS

(If you don't stop...)

-SHE HICCUPS

-(Whoom!)

(Thank you.)

CARRIE EXHALES

BOOM!

Depth charges! Release oil and debris. We'll play dead.

Break up of enemy vessel! We got them!

Ha! Yes!

He knows nothing about submarine warfare.

-They aren't dead!

-But there's oil and debris floating in the water.

Which they released themselves! They're just playing dead.

It's very intriguing. They're fighting a textbook encounter,

doing just what I'd do in their place.

Prepare to dive!

Something's getting closer.

Much closer!

It's The Naughty Lass!

Frank, the silent tactic didn't work.

The Octopus is after us again and we'll never outrun him.

'Are there any more ideas in the guide?'

Release noise buoys.

What?

Bits of metal that confuse the enemy sonar.

'We can release them via the fuel hatch.'

Dive deep as well,

'right down to the ocean floor.'

The spy sub wasn't designed to take those depths.

Frank designed this thing.

That's good enough for me.

Thank you, Oscar. Good luck.

Yes.

'Good luck!'

I'm taking her down.

The Naughty Lass is still following.

Gaining on us!

This is getting beyond a joke.

A noise buoy deep dive -

the unique tactic I invented. They couldn't possibly know that!

Continue to dive. Weapons locked onto enemy sub.

She's not built for the deep seas

and there's a bomb on board.

This madness will get us killed.

You're wrong! I am The Octopus and I'm having a whale of a time!

I don't get it! The noise buoys didn't work, nor playing silent.

It's like they're following each other's moves exactly.

TYPES ON KEYBOARD

Sir,

I've seen this transmission frequency before.

-If you have a plan, just do it.

-TYPES ON KEYBOARD

If this is The Octopus, I want you to listen to me.

Charlton? You're alive!

Cousin Frank!

Yes, The Octopus is unsinkable.

There was no trace of you. What on earth are you playing at?

I'm not playing at anything, merely doing what needs to be done.

What needs to be done,

is for you to stop putting my agents and the world in danger.

You'll get us all killed.

Perhaps that's a price worth paying.

I don't believe I'm hearing this.

Is this the kid I grew up with?

Went on snorkelling holidays with?

Built mini subs in your dad's garage?

You wanted to change the world,

save the oceans, but not like this!

Please!

Surrender to my team...

before it's too late.

I'm sorry, Frank.

Your "team" stands between me

and the salvation of the seas.

They're history. Goodbye.

Well, that went well(!)

I said all along you were too close to this mission.

It might just give us an edge.

Team, it's Frank.

'I've spoken to The Octopus. He won't listen to reason.'

We know. He's insane.

-Maybe, but I know how we can defeat him.

-'How?'

And how come you suddenly have the inside track on him?

-He's my cousin.

-'What?!'

'I know, now listen - there is a way out of this,'

but it means one of you taking a huge risk.

'I've got the blueprints for The Naughty Lass.

'I found a weak spot.

'There's just a chance.'

Locking onto target.

Take out The Octopus first.

-I'll call when I'm on board.

-A-hem!

-Uh, what are you doing?!

-Frank's plan.

This one's down to me.

But you can't go one-on-one against The Octopus and his crew!

Carrie's right. She's the fighter and I'm the captain.

It should be one of us.

Who'll put the nuclear warhead out of action if I'm not there?

I've got them right where I want them!

This time there'll be no escape

and finally I'll be free to create my world of water!

It isn't going to happen.

You?! But it's impossible! How did you get on board?

Via the decompression chamber.

Your security has more leaks than the Titanic.

Arrest her!

One false move and the lobster gets it!

This is MI9.

Your submarine is under our control.

Commence evacuation procedure immediately.

Aaargh!

I'll never abandon The Naughty Lass! I'll go down with her!

Urgh!

No, you're not!

You're coming with me.

I'm taking her up. We've got no choice.

Whoa! The Naughty Lass's engines have stopped.

Rose did it!

'Mission accomplished. We're bringing The Octopus in.'

Yes!

Yeah!

Huh!

CRYING >

Oh! What's wrong, Leila?

They won't let me go skipping

because I don't have my body vest and knee pads.

I used to love skipping.

Come with me.

Actually, do you mind if I have a little go?

A-hem!

Tut-tut, Mrs King!

Our own regulations are quite clear on the punishment for perilous play.

Oh, for goodness' sake!

Ah-ah! It may mean a few small changes

as you go about your daily business,

but please remember, this is all about keeping...you safe.

It was only for a moment...

Perhaps you'll take the time to reflect

on whether these rules have been a good idea.

But I...

Oh...

Oh!

Yves has been arrested

and an MI9 disposal team are dealing with the bomb.

Well done, team!

When did you realise The Octopus was your cousin?

When you were fighting The Naughty Lass.

Both sides used exactly the same tactics.

Charlton was the only other person who knew the tactics in that guide.

The family thought you were lost at sea.

We searched everywhere. How could you do that to us?

I'm sorry.

Why did you vanish in the first place?

It wasn't meant to happen like this. It started with conservation,

but the seas were still being exploited.

Someone needed to do more!

Firing a nuclear bomb wouldn't have done much for local fish life.

I wanted to create a giant marine park,

-but no-one was listening.

-There are no excuses for what you've done.

I'm sorry, Frank. For everything.

Yes. A-hem!

You'll have plenty of time to reflect on the error of your ways.

Thank you saving him, team.

That was down to Rose.

And a good captain.

Well, no octopus makes a SUCKER out of us!

Mrs King, why are you out here?

Never mind that.

I want you to do something very important for me.

There's something I have to do.

Not more rules!

Too much safety...

is bad!

This afternoon, I'm taking you all to a proper swimming pool,

one with a high diving board

and we're going to have some fun.

In fact, what are we waiting for?

Let's go there right now.

Follow me.

THEY CHEER

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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