The Patient M.I. High

I'm at the location now. OK, copy that.

First two, straight ahead, second two, follow me.

I've got a visual. Down here! Everyone, down here!

I've got it, got it.

Quick! Pulse!

Anything?

HE SIGHS

HE GROANS IN FRUSTRATION

We've lost Greek. Send me a cleaner.

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old-school spies have had their day

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no villain will think to look...

Welcome to MI High.

-Oh, isn't this exciting?

-BELL RINGS

-You can't beat the great outdoors.

-Oh, I don't know.

Oh, come, come, Mrs King.

-Where is your spirit of adventure?

-Not in some muddy field.

I'm hoping to collect some fauna.

Look, you might find insects boring, but there's no need to be rude.

Rose, I wasn't. I was up half the night reading.

School Slumber Party: Revenge Of The Uninvited?

-Isn't that a film?

-Yeah. It's from the Pookie Plummer series of books.

There's action figures,

even an online game,

which is so cool. I get to be Pookie.

Of course, she's nothing like me. She's a real wimp.

At least at the beginning.

And people call me a nerd!

In the story,

these kids go on a camping trip.

But there's this one girl who doesn't get asked along.

Anyway, I'll spare Rose here the gory details,

-but she comes back as something...

-Right! Who's ready to go camping?

PAGERS VIBRATE

Erm, sir?

I forgot...my mosquito net.

Erm...insect repellent?

Yes.

Erm... I need a woggle.

- If anyone else needs the toilet then now is the time to go.

Agents.

That's Troy Greek.

-Who?

-He's a master counterfeit and conman.

He works for SKUL.

Worked for SKUL. He's defected.

Don't you mean "defective"?

What's with the blue rings?

- He had some very valuable intelligence

he was supposed to bring us, but SKUL got wind of it.

-Before we could bring him in, they slipped him poison.

-A rare toxic.

The only person capable of creating an antidote

is in the Amazon on expedition

and won't be back in this country until tomorrow.

Our patient is in a coma with this machine keeping him alive.

MI9 have discovered SKUL ninjas trying to locate the patient

to finish the job they started. He needs MI9 protection

so he's staying here until the antidote arrives.

-We're about to go on Flatley's stupid camping trip.

-Even better.

- But we... - Nothing to worry about.

SKUL don't know there's a base

under the school. He'll be safe here.

-The coach is late.

-So is the headmaster.

And this trip is his rubbish idea in the first place.

-Excuse me!

-Oh. FLATLEY CHUCKLES

-And where have you been?

-Ah, yes. Umm...a couple of days ago,

I realised we didn't have enough money to hire a coach.

-ALL GROAN

-But...but...but...

I didn't want to disappoint anyone, so...

if you wouldn't mind following me.

FLATLEY SIGHS CONTENTEDLY

Welcome...

to Camp St Hope's.

Better tell Frank he's got company tonight.

It's bad enough having to nursemaid the patient all night. Now this!

Frank, chill!

The SKUL ninjas don't have the first idea where the patient is.

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

-SWITCHES MUSIC OFF

-But, sir...!

-Sorry, Timothy.

No sounds of the street. Tonight, it's strictly au naturel.

And just what I need.

Oh, Mrs King. Allow me.

Ta-da!

-Yeah.

-Show off.

Patient's vitals are holding steady.

Good. I just wish there wasn't a class of kids camped out in the gym.

Added complication I could have done without.

You worry too much. What you are tonight is a glorified baby-sitter.

You should be used to that,

looking after those snot-nosed kids you call agents. What are you doing?

All that camping has reminded me of the old Scout motto - "Be Prepared"!

See you in the morning.

Erm...this isn't how I imagined it from the story.

Well, we couldn't have a real one because of health and safety issues.

Oh, this is the good bit.

"With only the sound of the forest for company,

"Pookie spies a strange glow through the trees."

CRICKETS CHIRP

ALL: Oooh! OWL HOOTS

It was just an owl. Nothing to be worried about.

-I know that.

-And now...

..the best bit about camping. Ghost stories. Oooh!

-Around the fire.

-FLATLEY CHUCKLES

The tormented spirit of a school inspector,

doomed forever to haunt the site

of her greatest failure.

And that, children,

-is the story of the Grey Lady of St Hope's.

-Have you ever seen her, sir?

I can't say that I have, Timothy.

But sometimes, when I walk the corridors,

I sense a profound feeling of...

FLATLEY GASPS ALL: Oh!

..disappointment.

ALL: Oh.

-Huh, never saw you as the cuddly toy type.

-I'm not!

It's a nanny-cam. See? There's a secret camera hidden in the eye

-that beams video straight to my spypod.

-You are seriously strange.

Some people have dolls, some people have blankets.

I like to cuddle up with technology.

And I like to cuddle up with a scary book. What about you, Oscar?

What do you like to cuddle up to?

Good night, Carrie.

HE HUMS

Evening.

"The drip, drip

"was ectoplasm.

"The creature hesitates,

"sensing the nearness of its human prey."

FOOTSTEPS "Pookie holds her breath...." Oh!

Davina?

I need the loo.

Too scared to go on my own.

Yeah, sure.

What do you think the Grey Lady looks like?

I don't know. Grey?

Urgh, so drab. No wonder she's miserable.

Davina, hurry up.

What would you do if you saw a real-life ghost?

You know, like the grey lady.

It's a silly question.

Now please can we go back to the others?

BOTH SCREAM

-Carrie?

-There's a perfectly rational explanation.

There's a perfectly rational explanation.

-There's a perfectly...

-Where are you going?

-It went this way.

-Exactly. The gym is the other way.

-There's a perfectly rational explanation.

-Wait for me.

There's a perfectly rational explanation.

It'll just be Frank,

because there's a perfectly rational explanation.

BOTH: The Grey Lady!

SCREAMING

Oh.

And there she was, the Grey Lady of St Hope's.

She was reading a book or something.

-It's like she was glowing.

-If I'm ever worried about anything,

-these worry beads really help.

-Thanks.

I'm telling you, it's true.

-A ghost? Carrie, you can't be serious.

-Rose,

I saw it! Just like in my graphic novel.

-You shouldn't even be reading that rubbish.

-Look,

I know what I saw. It was a ghost.

And it looked really angry. Trust me,

I've read enough Pookie Plummer horror stories

to know that isn't good. So... we need to get everyone out of here.

-Now.

-Carrie wouldn't make something like this up.

-Oh, come on, you don't actually believe her?

-Of course not, but...

I do believe you saw something.

Well, if it wasn't a ghost, then what was it?

-Frank.

-The patient!

Down there.

That's where we saw her.

Guys, don't look into her eyes or she'll steal your soul.

Like in Spooky Pookie Summer Holiday II.

BEEPING

We're close. But for some reason I cannot zero in on the target.

Well, the good news is Carrie didn't see a ghost.

Bad news is...

Somehow the SKUL ninjas have tracked the patient back to the school.

The gym is full of school kids. What do we do?

We stick to the mission.

But if any of the little brats get in the way,

eliminate them.

-EARPIECE BLEEPS

-Frank.

The ninjas are searching the school for the patient.

'The SKUL ninjas are here already.'

Firstly, we need to make sure

'your classmates are safe. I'll call backup.'

You OK?

VOICE SHAKES: I'm fine.

Dead.

The phone lines are down.

You'll have to get a message to MI9 from outside the school.

RATTLES HANDLE

The doors are locked.

Hang on.

There's a strange van parked in the playground.

-What's that doing?

-I bet that's what is jamming

all our communications to the outside world.

Great. We can't get out or raise the alarm.

If you're going up against ninjas,

you'll need weapons. Meet me in HQ, but be careful.

They're out there somewhere.

BEADS RATTLE

-Would you stop that?

-Stop what?

-The beads! The noise is driving me crazy.

-Sorry.

-What's gotten into you today?

-I just need a good night's sleep.

Yeah, and whose fault is that?

BEEPING

Ssh.

TRACKER BEEPS

Frank. The ninjas have some sort of tracking device.

-Must be how they found the patient.

-'Looks like they're having trouble

'zeroing in on him.'

'Because he's so far underground.'

It'll buy us a bit of time. Where are the ninjas now?

Heading towards the art block.

That puts them between you and HQ.

'If we try to make it to HQ'

we risk leading them straight to the patient.

Guess we're going to have

-to take them on without weapons.

-'I'll get back to you.'

We may not have any weapons or gadgets,

but there is one way we still have an edge over the ninjas.

-What?

-This is our school. We know every nook and cranny,

so we can pick where we want to take them on for maximum advantage.

I know just the spot.

The ninjas must be homing in on something.

The machine. I'm such an idiot.

But if I unplug it, I'll be doing the ninjas' work for them.

The homing beacon must be somewhere in here.

If I can just find it, I should be able to dismantle it.

So everyone knows what they're doing.

I'll come in from the left, Rose from the right,

and when the ninjas are distracted, Carrie,

you hit them from behind.

Carrie!

CARRIE YELLS

Carrie, what are you doing?

Where were you? We had a plan.

-You were supposed to attack the ninjas from behind.

-I'm sorry, guys.

-Oh!

-It's just I'm shattered and this Grey Lady thing has really got to me.

You know what you saw was one of the ninjas.

Oscar, I keep telling myself that, but it's no good.

I feel like I'm in one of the Pookie horror stories

-and it's happening for real.

-This isn't a film.

Or a comic or a book! These are real lives at stake.

Frank? We lost them.

'I don't understand. How did you let the ninjas get away?'

-It's complicated.

-'I'll come up.'

No! You can't abandon the patient.

'And you can't find the ninjas empty-handed.'

Oscar is right. You're the last line of defence.

Your place is in HQ trying to find the source of the signal

the ninjas are tracking.

And if you can't pull yourself together,

we're better off without you.

-I better...

-Go.

'You need to go easy on Carrie.'

It's not her fault. Remember, you went to pieces on a mission once.

Why do you think I'm being so hard on her?

I learned a lot that day. If you're afraid of something,

you've got to face it. And trust me,

pandering to Carrie's fears won't do her any favours.

Besides, we've got more important things to worry about,

like how we're going to defeat the ninjas.

-If only we had some weapons.

-I've had an idea about that.

SCREAMING

Woooo! Woooo!

SCREAMING CONTINUES

Woooo!

Hang on a minute.

Timothy!

Stop mucking around!

I'm sorry, miss. I mean, the tent, it attacked me!

If you'd put it up properly in the first place,

this wouldn't have happened.

-Someone's taken all his pegs and poles.

-The Grey Lady!

-ALL SCREAM

-All right, all right...!

TEARFULLY: Frank? I'm sorry.

'Carrie, what's the matter?'

Where are Rose and Oscar?

They've...um...

They've gone on without me.

Without you?

I couldn't go on. I'm too scared.

Of the ninjas?

No.

It's like...

'there's something in me'

that's got a hold and like...

..like I'm in a nightmare I can't wake myself up from.

I can't think, I can't move. Frank, I can't breathe.

Carrie, you're having a panic attack.

Frank, I've let everyone down.

Not yet you haven't. You just have to slay the dragon.

What dragon? What are you talking about?

'Your fear.'

Your imagination has gone into overdrive.

You can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy.

We've got to stop the ninjas from finding the lift!

Don't you guys know the rules? No running in the corridors.

And you're in detention.

And...how do I slay that dragon, Frank?

What would your favourite heroine do?

Hang on.

'Carrie, what's happening?'

Why hasn't Frank found the homing beacon yet?

Unless it's not on the machine. If it's not on the machine, then where?

It has to be in HQ somewhere.

How could it have got there in the first place?

Oh, no. Frank? Frank, it's Rose.

I figured out where the homing beacon is.

Watch out!

TRACKING DEVICE BEEPS

How on earth are we going to get their minds off

-this Grey Lady nonsense?

-Mmm. Ah, leave it to me.

Everybody, how about a singsong?

-TUNELESSLY:

-# Kumbayah

# My Lord, kumbayah

# Kumbayah, my Lord

# Kumbayah... # All together!

'Carrie? Something's happened to Rose and Oscar.

'You've got to find them.'

I can't!

Frank, I can't.

'Yes, you can, Carrie. Rose and Oscar need you.

'You're not quitting on me. Or them.'

RATTLES HANDLE

Frank? Oscar's been poisoned.

I think she's heading towards the lift.

Aaah!

CRACKS NECK AND HANDS

Aaah!

Aaah!

Ugh. Aaargh!

Rose? Rose!

Frank?

FEEDBACK STATIC

Frank!

CARRIE WHIMPERS

LABOURED BREATHING

WORRY BEADS RATTLE

Ssh. Ssh.

Aaaah!

BOTH: # Someone's singing, Lord

# Kumbayah

# Someone's singing, Lord

# Kumbayah

# Someone's singing, Lord

# Kumbayah

# Oh, Lord

# Kumbayah

# Oh, Lord, kumbayah. #

Pull yourself together, Carrie.

You can't let the team down.

Come on.

Come on!

What would your favourite heroine do?

"Mess with my friends -

"you mess with me."

Mess with my friends...

you mess with me.

# Kumbayah, my Lord

# Kumbayah

# Kumbayah, my Lord

# Kumbayah

# Kumbayah... #

HIP-HOP MUSIC STARTS

CHEERING

DISTANT HIP-HOP MUSIC

Visiting hours are over.

Step away from the computer.

I wonder which will be finished first -

you or the download.

BEADS CLATTER

-Aaaah!

-Frank!

'Download almost complete.'

You stop the download, I'll check the patient.

She was trying to download the entire MI9 computer system

-onto the pen drive.

-Frank...

-The syringe.

-There's some poison left.

I might be able to fabricate an antidote for Oscar

-before it's too late.

-And Rose.

RHYTHMIC BEEPING Frank?

Look.

Well, that can't be right.

Sorry, where you expecting someone else?

Just as I thought. The homing beacon was in you all along.

That's why Frank couldn't find it.

Far from finishing the job,

the ninjas injected you with an antidote to the poison.

Luckily, there was enough antidote left in the syringe

to revive Oscar and Rose too.

The defection, the poisoning, the rumour of a team of assassins -

-it was all an elaborate con.

-And the homing beacon led the ninjas here,

where they had direct access to the MI9 network.

The plan all along was to steal MI9's data.

-Troy Greek - a human Trojan horse.

-Donkey, more like.

And the moral of the tale, agents?

Beware Greeks bearing gifts.

It was a joke. Sorry.

Carrie?

I'm sorry I wasn't more sympathetic

to what you were going through yesterday.

The truth is...

seeing you that way...

-well, it brought back some painful memories.

-No.

-I let the team down.

-So did I, when I wasn't there for you.

-So are we OK?

-OK.

We're a team, aren't we? CARRIE GIGGLES

Guys, look, erm...

Do you want to come over tonight?

I've got the next Pookie Plummer movie.

Zombie High. These kids trapped in a school overnight -

-I swear it's so scary...

-Who needs Pookie Plummer?

We've got the real thing.

SNORING

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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