Mission: Incredible M.I. High

Ah!

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

All right, Mr F?

Pick a card, any card.

Don't tell me what it is. Now, put it back in the pack.

You see, Frank, the secret of a good magic trick is misdirection.

Creating the illusion of one thing happening,

when in reality, something else altogether is taking place.

-New hobby?

-Oh, I'm getting ready for the trip to Boldovia.

There's going to be a gala reception at the Ministry of Culture

and St Hearts is providing some of the entertainment.

It's just a shame you can't come with us.

I don't go much on foreign places.

Ohh!

Is this your card?

-No.

-Oh.

Don't worry, Headmaster.

I'm sure you'll have it sorted by the time you get to Boldovia.

Indeed. I still can't quite believe it.

Of all the schools they could've picked, they chose us.

Extraordinary!

This operation could spark an international crisis in Boldovia.

If anything goes wrong, MI9 will have to deny all knowledge.

We're on our own on this one.

This message will self-destruct in five seconds.

Four... Three... Two...

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat,

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no villain will think to look,

welcome to M.I. High.

# We love cheese

# If you please

# On our knees

# For some cheese... #

Enjoy your visit.

And don't forget to try our delicious cheese rock.

Mmm!

Welcome to Boldovia. I am your guide, Olga Backovabus.

(She even looks like one!)

Follow me. No running. No chewing gum. No talking.

She's a female version of McNab!

SHE GROWLS

HE GASPS

Hello.

Oh!

Ohh!

Oh-ohh!

-Oh, look!

-This way.

-Yes, of course.

'Scuse me, Miss. What is this?

The Butterfly Movement.

They claim to be freedom fighters,

but they are just puppets of foreign imperialists

seeking to overthrow our beloved government.

Yeah, right. The Boldovian government's a vicious regime.

The Butterfly Movement are the good guys.

MI9 would help if they could, but it's too dangerous.

If you please.

-What's that horrible smell?

-Your socks?

It is cheese, the national food of Boldovia.

We would like you each to have a memento of your visit here today.

Like your Blackpool rock,

our Boldovian cheese rock has writing running through it.

"Freedom through cheese"?

"Happiness is a warm cheese"! Thank you.

Rendezvous at 905 Splek Strasse.

It's not like Frank to be late. You think there's a problem?

Define problem.

LAUGHTER

Agents, I'd like you to meet a really old friend of mine, Janus.

Like the Roman God who looks both ways, to the future and the past.

That was you on the tourist film.

You're right, Frank. They're sharp.

Janus is Boldovia's most famous folk singer.

-Hello, Janus.

-Stella! Look at you!

Mwah! Mwah! You haven't changed a bit.

Nor have you. Now, if you don't mind, we're on a tight schedule.

Yes, sir.

So firm. I love it.

Incredibly, Janus is an MI9 informant.

It's because of him we're here.

I recently discovered that the Boldovian Secret Service, SNARL,

have developed a device codenamed Aardvark.

It does to computers what its namesake does to termite mounds.

It breaks in and sucks out all the data in the blink of an eye.

At the same time it infects the machine with a virus

that wipes everything on the network.

If a SNARL agent plugs the Aardvark

into a computer connected to the MI9 network...

The Boldovians would have the location of every spy base

and monitoring station in the world.

-The identity of every agent.

-Records of every mission.

Not to mention the blueprints for all of our gadgets!

If SNARL uses the Aardvark against us, it will destroy MI9.

Then we'd better use it against them first. Where's the Aardvark now?

It's in a high security vault, in the middle of SNARL HQ.

There are cameras with motion and heat detectors

all along this corridor, and when you get to it,

the door is 600 mil of reinforced steel.

One of these days, you're going to have to make it hard for us.

This is no laughing matter.

-So, how do we get in?

-Through this ventilation duct.

What would spies do without them?

A SNARL agent is scheduled to collect the Aardvark

at 1800 hours this evening.

An attack on MI9 is imminent.

Your mission is to steal the Aardvark

before the Boldovians can launch an attack.

The lives of hundreds of agents

and the state of the country depend on it.

OK. Let's do this.

Yeah!

You'll be attending a reception, at the Ministry of Culture.

Unbeknownst to the staff at the Ministry,

the building houses the entrance to the headquarters

of the Boldovian Secret Service.

It is literally a front for SNARL.

SCANNER BEEPS

-This is a fine camera.

-I'm shooting a documentary about the trip.

THEY SPEAK IN BOLDOVIAN

I hope you take back with you

many happy memories of your time in Boldovia.

-What just happened?

-That was very, very close.

There's something funny about Olga.

Since when does a tour guide tell a security guard what to do?

Another minute and that security guard would have found something.

-Good thing she came along when she did.

-I don't trust her.

You've got an overactive imagination.

How come I'm not playing?

Because... Because we didn't want to make the Boldovians look bad.

Sure, I understand.

I could get used to this.

-Dan, Zoe, you're on stage at six.

-We'll be there.

You'll be in big trouble if you're late.

Hi, Janus, how's it going?

Not good. I just got word back from my mole

that Olga Backovabus IS the SNARL agent

who's going to collect the Aardvark.

I knew there was something fishy about her!

We'll just have to be extra careful.

In the library, find this book. Inside is a hand scanner.

It will open a secret doorway. The entrance to SNARL.

-How do we operate the hand scanner?

-Leave that to me.

Olga!

Very good to see you. Super evening, huh?

Yes. Thank you.

A biometric facsimile? Nice one, Janus.

When you place the glove on the scanner, it'll think you are Olga.

Zoe and I will go in as planned.

Aneisha, you keep our tour guide occupied.

Tom, tactical back-up. You're the eyes and ears of this op.

Don't forget the brains.

Olga's going to pick up the Aardvark in 45 minutes.

The clock is running.

You're a long way from home, agents. No room for mistakes on this one.

-Thanks for the vote of confidence.

-Good luck.

Backovabus is a SNARL agent?

How come we only discover this now? What's Janus been up to?

You need to get off his case.

I just hope there aren't any more nasty surprises.

Pick a card, any card.

The Queen of Hearts. Is that a sign?

No, no, no. Don't tell me!

Is this your card?

Mr McNab?

-Nervous?

-About the mission?

-No, I mean our scene tonight.

-Why would I be?

Because, you know, it's Romeo and Juliet.

-And we've got to do it in front of all those people.

-Are you?

What, me? No. Don't be ridiculous.

Still not found it?

There's a lot of books here and they're all in Boldovian.

"Ak Gratfleg ug Slob. A History of Cheese."

You're amazing.

Welcome to SNARL.

You're coming up on the maintenance room.

I don't like this, Frank.

We could be sending the team into a trap.

We don't even know who Janus's mole is.

Janus's intel has always been reliable. He wouldn't put the team

in danger unless he was 100% sure of the information.

-'Neesh, what's got into you?

-How is the documentary coming?

Really good, thanks.

In fact, I think we're going to get some great stuff tonight.

I look forward to seeing the results when you are finished.

If you will excuse me.

Was it just me, or was that weird?

-You think she's on to us?

-No way. But she's dangerous.

Don't let her out of your sight.

-You've always had a problem with Janus.

-It's not him, it's you.

I hate the way you idolize him.

You think you're lucky to have him as a friend.

He's lucky to have you.

You're a better man than he is.

You always have been.

Frank?

Why have they stopped?

What's the hold up?

We've run into a little problem.

That's not little, that's a RAT.

Tell me something I don't know.

I mean a Remote Anti-Intruder Tactical device.

'It's like an autonomous robotic guard.'

Don't let it see you.

That thing can chew through solid steel.

Now you tell me.

Get out of there, now!

Zoe, you still have your stick of Cheese Rock?

Here.

Chew on this, ratty!

What do you know? Rats don't like cheese.

SHE CHEERS

-Is everything

-all right? Fine, thanks.

Can't wait for the show to start.

Yes, I think tonight will be most memorable.

The Aardvark.

OK. I see laser beams and the floor looks pressure sensitive.

The usual stuff.

Welcome everyone.

Tonight marks the beginning of an era of friendship

between the people of Boldovia and Great Britain.

We are pleased to present a celebration of the finest music

and art from both our countries.

And for our first act tonight, please, welcome to the stage Roly!

APPLAUSE

Thank you, Boldovia.

SPOONS CLANG

Nice and smooth, Dan.

Uh-oh. The bus is on the move.

That's way too soon!

'Neesh, we need a roadblock.

I'm on it.

-Excuse me, Miss Backovabus.

-Yes?

Miss Backovabus.

If I may be so bold, some say music is the food of love,

but I say it's cheese.

Fancy a nibble?

Thank you, no. I have somewhere to be.

If you don't mind me saying, you're going about this all wrong.

Oh, am I?

Women like her, they might seem a bit stiff but, underneath,

I bet she's a cauldron of passion.

-Really?

-Trust me.

It's a woman thing.

Mr McNab!

Forgive me, Miss Backovabus, but I could...

I could never forgive myself

if I allowed this opportunity to skip away.

What are you talking about?

You and I, we are ships passing in the night.

Have you been on the Schnapps?

I sense a kindred spirit.

Someone who appreciates a firm hand and strict discipline.

I give you firm hand.

Hi-ya!

Sorry, guys, I did my best but the bus is headed your way.

Sir.

BLEEP The earrings are armed.

And now I'd like to present

Boldovia's most famous folk singer, Janus!

Thank you, Melissa.

This song is dedicated to friends from overseas.

# When I look in your eyes

# I am fooled by your disguise... #

Janus is great, isn't he?

-He's all right.

-You don't like him?

He seems a bit pleased with himself.

How are the others getting on?

Zoe's taking ages.

Funny, I never hear you volunteering for the dangerous stuff.

You know what I meant.

Sorry. I'll be glad when they're safe, too.

Now swap the fake Aardvark for the real one.

HE GRUNTS

Oh...oh!

Oh!

APPLAUSE

Did you see that?

That girl is a freak.

In a good way.

OK, Dan, let's get out of here.

I'm not sure this is such a good idea.

-The show must go on, Headmaster.

-Yes, of course.

Let's go meet them.

Dan and Zoe are on in 10 minutes.

The glove has malfunctioned!

Tom. You need to re-configure the hand scanner

so it opens to my touch.

I'll give it a shot.

Dan. Dan, it's no use.

The computer in the camera isn't powerful enough

to access the SNARL systems.

-Keep trying!

-I am, but I can't help from this side.

You're going to have to do it manually.

SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

Olga is going to discover the fake Aardvark soon. You need to hurry.

Let me concentrate!

Quick, Dan, they're coming!

Thanks, Tom, but next time try not to cut it so fine.

It wasn't me, you must have done it.

Guess I'm more techie than I thought.

Where have you been? I thought I was going to have to put Byron on.

Is...

this your card?

APPLAUSE

Thank you!

ALARM BLARES

And for our last act this evening,

Dan and Zoe are going to perform a scene

from Shakespeare's Romeo And Juliet.

APPLAUSE

Where is Janus? He's going to miss it.

See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.

O, that I were a glove that I might touch that cheek.

..as this winged messenger of heaven...

ALARM BLARES

All right, don't panic. Don't panic, everyone, just stay calm.

This way, please, this way, everybody.

Stay calm and let me through, let me through!

Report to me outside.

SHOUTING

Move!

Olga's raised the alarm. She is on to us, we've got to get out of here.

OLGA SHOUTS

The mission has been compromised, this is an emergency evacuation.

-Get inside.

-My cover has been blown. I'll be arrested if I stay here.

-You too then, old friend.

-Hurry.

We'll smuggle you and the Aardvark back to the UK.

It will take a few days. These will make the journey bearable.

-What are they?

-Knockout pills.

You will wake up in St Heart's safe and sound.

I will be there. I promise.

Dan. Wake up.

-Where are we?

-We're back in St Heart's.

-Where's Frank?

-What is going on?

-Something is not right.

-How did she get here?

-She must have followed us from Boldovia.

Tom, Janus, get out of here. Protect the Aardvark at all costs.

GRUNTING

-We should make for your base.

-That would lead Olga straight to it.

She would be able to pump the Aardvark straight into the network.

-It would destroy MI9.

-She's too strong for us.

You heard what Dan said, it is the only way to protect the Aardvark.

Quick, she's coming.

What is going on, Janus?

I've gone to a lot of trouble to bring this here.

-What are you talking about?

-Hello, is anybody in there?

I don't understand, what is going on?

Who do you think triggered the alarm at the reception, Dummy?

-Olga, obviously.

-That is what you were supposed to think.

Frank told me you guys were smart. I wanted the mission aborted.

-It was all part of my plan.

-What plan?

I work for KORPS.

And in a matter of seconds,

I will have all of MI9's data to go along with all of SNARL's.

Britain and Boldovia will be ripe for the picking.

BEEPING

-It's not working.

-Got everything you need?

-I haven't got anything yet.

-It's a fake.

-I wasn't talking to you...

Dummy.

-How was I?

-Annoyingly good.

Frank, what is this?

Olga said you were going to betray us, I didn't believe her.

Please do not be rushing off, we have much to talk about.

SNARL can do its worst, we're not talking.

-The Butterfly Movement?

-I am, how do you say, a double agent.

My loyalty is to the revolution.

-Then we are on the same side?

-Of course.

My enemy's enemy is my friend.

Which is why I have to warn you, Janus is a traitor.

What are you talking about?

This is KORPS technology, part of a transmitter.

Hidden in the neck of a guitar.

Janus used it to send a message to KORPS earlier this evening.

-That can't be right, you must have made a mistake.

-I am afraid not.

Janus has used you and your agents

to steal the Aardvark on behalf of KORPS.

When he gets to your base, he will double-cross you and use the

-Aardvark against MI9.

-I have known Janus half my life. We are friends.

There is no way he would do this.

You are right, you have no reason to believe me over your comrade.

There is only one way to establish the truth.

-This whole thing was Olga's idea.

-It was a great deal of work.

Every detail had to be perfect for the ruse to work.

You had to believe you really were back at St Heart's.

If Olga was wrong, you wouldn't plug in the Aardvark.

Janus, get out of here.

If Olga was right, you would.

Creating a replica of St Heart's was the only way of finding out without

running the risk of the Aardvark

being plugged into the real MI9 network.

Since you woke up, everything has been an illusion.

An elaborate trick. You never left Boldovia.

-Why, Janus? We were friends.

-You are the past, Frank.

-KORPS is the future.

-Your only future is an MI9 prison.

Sleepy time, Janus.

He lived up to his namesake, two-faced god.

-All right, Mr F? How was the trip?

-Didn't you hear, Frank?

There was a revolution

and we ended up stuck in our hotel the whole time.

But don't worry, I didn't forget you, Frank.

-Thanks.

-What's that? Cheese, the versatile food.

Inventive!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd