Monster on Top Me and My Monsters

# You're my might when I'm not feeling strong

# You put me right when I am going wrong

# You're my hands when my arms are tied

# You colour me in when I'm black and white

# You pick me up when I fall down

# You take my frown and you turn it around

# I couldn't wish for better friends to share my life with

# Don't be sad or lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can

# Me and my monsters can. #

'In most cases, things that go bump in the night in our house

'tend to be monsters, but this time, it's me.

'Technically, I am running away, but it's only for a school trip.'

(Sshh! You'll wake them!)

'Thing is, I haven't told the monsters.'

-(The coach leaves in half an hour. Have you got everything?)

-(Yes.)

(No! Toothbrush!)

(It's too risky. Just...avoid chocolate.)

'It seems a bit mean, but I have left them a note.

'This way, they'll be a lot less crying and screaming.'

CRYING AND SCREAMING

Why him?

Why him? He was so young and moderately talented!

Ah, no!

-What are you talking about?

-Oh, haven't you heard?

It's Eddie. He's gone to Heaven!

No, he's gone to Devon. It's another part of England. A school trip.

What?! How long for?

Just a couple of days.

A couple of days?!

Oh, that's months! What are we supposed to do without Eddie?

-What is this?

-It's paint. You wanted to paint your room.

I wanted to paint it purple, not..."Harvest Sunshine".

I think it's a lovely colour. We might put it in the sitting room.

I think it's bright and sophisticated, like you.

Ha ha ha. Ahem... This is all fascinating,

but if I could bring the conversation back to our problem.

You can't be serious. Take a look at it. It's so old-fashioned.

Well, you can stick some posters up, or something.

And back to me!

Now, what are we supposed to do without Eddie?

-So posters are OK, then?

-Yes. Why?

-Excuse me!

-Fiend! I'm a little busy here!

-Well, we were here first!

Now, how are we supposed to get along without Eddie around?

I don't know! Just keep out of the way and you can do anything you like.

Finally!

Thank you for your time.

Come on, fellas.

BASH!

BASH!

-So, what are we going to do?

-You heard the lady,

anything we like! And you know what that means?

Ah...

-No.

-We can do everything we've always wanted to do.

-Oh.

And number 412, make a spring-loaded telescope.

I think it still needs some work.

That's everything we've always wanted to do.

That took a lot less time than I thought it would.

It was a lot less fun than I thought it would be.

Even painting that sheep barely raised a smile.

-< SHEEP BLEATS

-Oh, stop moaning. It'll wash off.

-I'm still amazed we're allowed to do that.

-Who was going to stop us?

-That's it!

-Of course! What?

It's a well known fact that to really have fun,

monsters need rules to push against, advice to ignore.

We need someone to be in charge.

With Eddie away, we're just not getting it.

-We could ask Angela.

-I will not dignify that with a response.

To be in charge of a mob like us,

we need someone who thinks like a monster, acts like a monster,

and isn't afraid to eat the odd bogey.

Of course! There is your new leader!

Great. What's his name?

-That's me, doofus!

-All hail, Me Doofus!

Don't worry, my loyal monster subjects,

I will be a kind and humble leader.

Although I will need a throne room.

And you're now called 'Fiendonians'.

And Friday is now called 'Fiend-day'.

Well...seems reasonable.

Whoa! What's that?

It's a surfboard.

-OK, stupid question.

-I'm making it into a coffee table.

If you want to redecorate, why not give the room a surf theme?

Many reasons. Mainly that I've chosen a theme that goes with the paint.

-It's called Hippy Chic.

-What?!

Flowery cushions and paper lanterns, what are you, six?!

Lucky one of us has an eye for design.

OK, here is the crashing wave mural.

There's the surf shack TV cabinet.

And in the middle, surfboard coffee table. Surf's up!

Hmm, interesting.

-I'd like to make one tiny change, if I may.

-OK.

NORMAN SINGS FANFARE

Please be upstanding for His Most Fiendish Majesty,

the Fiend Minister of Fiendistan.

As of this day, Fiend-day the 14th of Fiend,

I hereby crown myself King of the Monsters.

With powers over all things monstery, monsterish

and monstatious.

That is all.

-Any questions?

-Where did you get that crown?

-A monster in my position has connections.

-Fair enough.

NORMAN SINGS FANFARE AND BURPS

Hmm... I'm not overly keen on the decor, but it's a good size.

It will make an excellent royal chamber.

Remove the teenager!

I wouldn't try that, if I were you.

I think this conversation has stopped being constructive.

SCREAM

THEY WHIMPER

-Give it back!

-No! My room, my rules!

It's not your room, you little grass stain!

Spend one night in the cupboard.

If you're not happy, we can explore other storage options.

I'm not living in a cupboard. Let go!

-That's a collector's item!

-What's going on in here?

-He ripped my poster.

-She was defacing my throne room!

Fiend, it is not your throne room. Monsters belong in the basement.

OK, fine.

Young lady, as King of the Monsters,

I hereby hand back this crummy territory!

I don't like it anyway. It smells of 'clean'!

And these men are UGLY!

GASPS

Step aside, Fiendonians.

Stop, stop, stop. It's OK, I just wanted to chat.

-I feel scared on my inside.

-Relax.

I was just wondering why two smart monsters like you

could make such a simple mistake.

Surely you can't think a little troublemaker like Fiend

is the best monster for the job.

Ah, loyal Fiendonians. There you are.

Listen, this area here is now my royal bed chamber. Right?

The rest of the basement is yours to enjoy, providing -

and this is very important - that you don't make eye-contact with me.

All right? It's nothing personal,

it's just that I'm better than you now. OK?

Actually, me and Norman have been thinking.

What? Why? Why would you do that?

We was wondering why you thought, out of all of us monsters,

-that you would be the best one to be the king?

-Isn't it obvious?

I'm a great monster and a natural leader.

-No! I want to be king! I'm the tallest.

-Well, I'm the smartest.

GIBBERISH

OK, OK, there's only one way to settle this.

We'll let the human thingies decide. Deal?

Suppose so.

GIBBERISH

Hey! Language!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, funny, is it? OK.

I'll keep making my hilarious coffee table

and you can make your weird, hippy lantern thing

and whichever the kids prefer,

that's how we'll decorate the sitting room. OK?

-Then we'll see who's laughing. Deal?

-Deal.

Can I see your design so I have some idea what I'm up against?

Thank you.

Hello! My name is Fiend.

You might remember me from such things as breakfast and yesterday.

I'm here today regarding my bid to become king of the monsters,

who, as you may be aware,

reside on the lower ground level of this fine building.

Can I count on your support?

Bad time?

Ah. Ahem.

BANGING ON DOOR

Hello. I'm Haggis and I'm here today in the hope you will join...

BANGING

SPEAKS GIBBERISH

KNOCKING

Hello. Me again. I think you accidentally shut the door...

KNOCKING

Mmm. I couldn't agree more.

And if I were voted king of the monsters,

the first thing I'd do would be to go away and leave you alone.

So, how's the campaign going?

I see. How about you, Haggis?

Any of the upstairs human thingies supporting your claim to be a king?

No. Not one. You?

Erm, let me see.

Total number of family members supporting me would be that.

Divided by... Carry the one...

328,472. And the dog is a maybe.

Woo-hoo! Wait a minute! They haven't got a dog.

OK. Fine. They weren't interested.

It's like they're not taking this seriously at all!

I don't think Angela was even listening to my brilliant speech.

Me neither.

GIBBERISH

Well, if they won't listen, perhaps it's time to shout a little louder.

After all, every campaign needs a little publicity.

-Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

-Is it about jelly?

-No.

Then no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Get back here!

I said get back here!

Angela!

-Angela! What is going on here?

-The hairballs ruined my posters.

Your posters look like they've ruined the whole house.

What's going on? Let me see!

No, darling, it's all right. Really.

Why is it that somehow the monsters always end up

making us look like fools?

How did this get so out of hand?

I thought Fiend had the crown, that was that.

I know. Now suddenly the other two want to be king as well.

Where do they come up with these ridiculous ideas?

Angela Elizabeth Carlson.

I just wanted to teach Fiend a lesson,

I didn't know they'd go and do this, did I?

What's this Fiend campaign announcement at 8am mean?

-"Human thingy people."

-Probably that.

"You have a very important decision to make."

I'm onto it!

For it has fallen to you skin-covered weirdos

to decide which of us...

-Fiend!

-That's right. You probably recognise me from my poster.

What are you doing?

Well, since you lot refused to support any of us,

we've decided to beef up our campaigns.

Step one, posters. Step two, address the people.

-And of course step three, the TV campaign.

-The what?!

You know, adverts.

We're going to be on the television.

Well, it's only the TV upstairs for now.

But I've put it out on the pavement, you know,

so the neighbours can vote, too.

-What?

-Now, which symbol do I press to start it playing?

We could just press...

Fine, keep the thingy. I'll just press play on the machine over here.

-Where is it?

-OK. Fine. Play your silly adverts.

-I just didn't think you guys would enjoy being so quiet.

-Quiet?

What do you mean?

Well, if you're going to take Eddie's job

as king of the monsters, you cannot be louder than a whisper.

You must have heard Mum and Dad telling Eddie

to keep the noise down.

She's right. I've heard them say that.

-And you're not allowed to make mess. Ever.

-But that's ridiculous!

-You're not allowed in the fridge.

-Oh, that's inhumane!

Or the monster equivalent of it.

You think that's bad. You should hear the one about breaking things.

No breaking things!

Anyway, good luck, guys. May the best monster win. OK?

Erm, you know, thinking about it,

I'm not so sure I'm cut out for the job.

I'm a bit loud for all of that whispering.

Norman!

You should be king!

Argh!

GABBLES

GOBBLES

Oh, well, the same goes for me. I practically live in the fridge!

In fact, there was that whole month where I actually did.

LAUGHTER

Oh, no, no, no. Not me. I'm far too messy.

Ha! Forget it! Hm.

LAUGHTER

BEEP

Ow! Ooh! I just sat on the thingy!

LAUGHTER

What are you doing?

It's a long story.

Don't worry, we probably won't hear from the monsters for a while.

Love ya!

-TV:

-'Hello, my name is "Progress"...

'No, no. Er, I mean Haggis!'

'Yeah, and a vote for me is a vote for Haggis.

'No, it's...progress!'

-Oh, no!

-He sounds like how I sound!

That is you, fuzzbucket! Our adverts are playing.

They're probably up there, right now,

deciding which one of us to vote for! Argh!

LAUGHTER

Where are you going?

To make sure it isn't me!

LAUGHTER

Ai?!

Huh?

NORMAN WHIMPERS

'So, a vote for me is a vote for...'

Well, my table is ready when you...

What?

Nothing.

I'm sure it'll be good when it's finished. Is it finished? No.

Very funny! Let's take a look at your masterpiece, shall we?

Ah! You there!

-Are you voting Haggis?

-What?

Norman. Are you voting for Norman?

Oh, you're not still on about this!

Oh, I knew it, you're voting for me.

Oh, the curse of popularity!

I don't want the job. I like being loud and breaking things!

-What on earth are you...? I don't care...

-What, you don't believe me?

Watch!

HE GRUNTS WITH EFFORT

Fiend, what on earth are you...?

Actually, knock yourself out.

Er, you missed a bit.

You missed a bit, just in that little corner. Just crush it down.

HE GABBLES

Norman, I don't know what you're saying.

Oh! Ah!

GABBLES

Oh!

GABBLES

Oh, not this again.

All right, yeah, I'll vote for you!

Arrgh!

WHIMPERS

Norman, you can't just...

Actually, go for your life.

Arrgh! Boink!

-That's it!

-Arrgh!

Ooh, you missed a bit!

Yeah!

GABBLES

PANTS

There. Could not be more broken.

Naughty, destructive me, huh?

So, still going to vote for me?

Absolutely.

LAUGHTER

Oh, unbelievable! Huh!

I was loud, messy and I broke stuff!

And he's still voting for me!

GABBLES

Zip! Bow! Yo-wi!

Well then, I guess we'll just have to try a little harder!

Zii.

FIEND SIGHS

Yeah, sorry, Kate, I'm afraid your...

WHAT HAPPENED?!

Oh, yeah. It sustained some...

light damage.

Shame. Guess we'll have to go with my design!

Yeah! Yeah, about that.

Er, I'm afraid your light thingy got ever-so-slightly...

smashed into 1,000 tiny pieces.

-WHAT?! How could you?

-Wasn't me!

Let me guess, Norman.

-No, Fiend. Why? Did Norman do that?

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Hmm.

What do you think the chances are, whatever they're up to will get...

worse.

Based on past experience, pretty high.

SMASH!

LAUGHTER

There we are. As good as...

Haggis. What have you done?

I...I made a mess, see?

So, please, don't...vote...Haggis!

Argh!

-Haggis!

-Yipe!

Get back here!

I just...

SMASH!

..want you to know...

-SMASH!

-..that we're really sorry...

SMASH!

..about all this.

It's finally happened, they've lost their tiny, little minds.

Don't just stand there, grab one!

Huuup! Argh, get off it!

Waa!

Argh!

-ANGELA:

-Oi! Let me in, you giant drain-clog!

She's so not voting for me! Haha!

Argh!

Fiend, just...give...me...the...

Why are you doing this?

Isn't it obvious?

-No!

-No!

So that you won't...vote for me!

I don't want to be king!

Fine! Just stop all this madness and we won't vote for any of you!

No! What? No! We need a leader!

With no leader, there's no fun!

Hyaa!

All right, we'll vote for all of you!

No, don't vote for me!

No, I'm too messy!

I'm too LOOOOOOOOOOUD!

Boo boo badoo!

Please! What do we have to do to make all this stop?

MONSTERS: We don't know any more!

Yaa!

If only there was someone who could make all this right!

All right, so the coach drove past the house,

so I told him to drop me at the...

What?

Hahahahaha!

So, did you miss me?

'I think it's fair to say that the monsters had missed me.

'And if I'm honest, I'd missed them, too.

'Sometimes, you have to be without something to realise you like it.'

See that? Classic.

And that's why he'll always be the king!

Guys?

Guys?!

'I even missed Angela a bit.'

'And...I think she probably missed me.'

What are you grinning at, snot face?

Eddie...

thanks for your help.

Well, that's the posters all down and the mess all cleared up.

Yeah, it's nice to see the house back to normal.

Actually, looking at it with fresh eyes,

I really like the place the way it is.

You know what? Me, too.

Oh.

Although my design was better.

No, it wasn't!

LAUGHTER

Well, unlike your mother,

I'm sure you value my extensive design experience and, um...

just between you and me, I think this room's pretty cool.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Dad thinks it's...

cool.

Oh, well, that's ruined that!

LAUGHTER

# Don't be sad or lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can. #

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