Monstrously Good Cookies Me and My Monsters

# You're my mind when I'm not feeling strong

# You put me right when I'm going wrong

# You're my hands when my arms are tied

# You colour me in when I'm black and white

# You pick me up when I fall down

# You take my frown and you turn it around

# I couldn't wish for better friends to share my life with

# Don't be sad and lonely if you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can

# Me and my monsters can. #

'Mum says cookies are one part ingredients,

'one part love and nine parts sweaty determination.

'I just can't get over the sweaty part.'

Five more minutes at gas mark 2, half a cup of flour,

three vanilla pods and half a teaspoon of...

There'd better be no one in here.

Argh!

Ah, I get it, must be a new way of saying hello. Argh!

I like it. Hey, Eddie, argh!

And argh to you too, Haggis.

-Argh!

-Stop!

I don't have time for monster mayhem today.

What's so special about today?

I'm baking cookies for the Crazy Cookieopolis Cookie-off.

THEY LAUGH

It's a very serious competition.

And, if I win, it'll be wonderful for my business,

so the last thing I need is monsters making a huge mess of everything.

I can see that. You're doing a bang up job yourself.

Didn't you read the sign?

It says, no monsters allowed.

But that's why we're here.

To make sure absolutely no monsters come in and bother you.

There's my dearest, most beautiful, gorgeous, talented,

best cook ever mother.

What have you done with the real Angela?

You're right, she must be a fake.

-That has to be a wig.

-Get off!

Have I told you how inspirational you are?

Have I told you how much I love your cookies?

-That's it! Out, out!

-Mum!

I'll just take some for the road.

Give them back to me, I need them for my competition!

Come back here!

Look at me, I'm a chef too!

Cook, cook, cook, bake, bake, bake.

Be careful, Mum will throw a fit if we mess anything up.

NORMAN IS ABOUT TO SNEEZE

Norman, no!

-Stay away from my cookies.

-No problem, Eddie, I'll lick it off.

Eddie, you and the monsters better stay out of the kitchen... argh!

Argh!

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye!

-But wait.

-Out.

Out.

Out, out.

-I think we're safe.

-How can you tell?

We're not covered in icing.

You're not.

Ha ha ho! Eddie, you look delicious, mind if I have a taste?

Get off!

We need to get Norman's fur out of Mum's dough.

NORMAN MAKES MONKEY NOISES

Swing in through the window, oh, great idea, Norman.

-Mum would never expect that.

-Yeah.

You put what in Mum's dough?

Eddie did it.

Angela, it was an accident. We were going to tell Mum.

No, you're not going to tell Mum anything.

I need her happy right now, and telling her

she's been baking Norman in her cookies

isn't going to make her happy.

Well, I can understand, it should be me in those cookies.

NORMAN TALKS IN MUMBLED LANGUAGE

No, you're not the only good-tasting monster around here.

-I should really tell Mum.

-And I should really tell

the entire internet about your little fancy dress party.

That never happened.

Really? It's actually quite funny, because I have pictures.

# Oh, yeah, baby

# If your mama could see you now

# Oh, yeah, baby

# If your mama could see you now. #

Oh, can we see the pictures?

Ah, the happy memories!

-It feels like only yesterday.

-NORMAN TALKS

You're right, it was yesterday.

You wouldn't?!

Nick! Don't even think about eating one of those cookies.

Why didn't you tell me that before I thought it?

No thanks to all of you, I managed to make a new batch.

-Mum, there's something you should know.

-There is...

The world is banana-shaped.

Yes, and on Thursdays, Norman's middle name is Mangrove McDougall.

What I need from all of you right now is a nice dose of good luck.

This competition could change everything.

But, Mum, I need to explai...

-Good luck.

-Thanks, Eddie.

-Good luck.

Hey, don't feel bad about it.

It's just a healthy sister-brother little manipulation thing, hey?

Mum! How did it go?

Er...

I can't stand it, I'm going to burst!

NORMAN MAKES BURSTING SOUND

If you're going to do that, not around me.

Honey, there's going to be other Crazy Cookieopolis Cookie-offs.

I won! I won, I won, I won! The judges said they loved my cookies!

Mum, that's fantastic.

-Congratulations.

-They said

they'd a mysterious flavour they couldn't quite put their fingers on.

Wow!

-That's amazing.

-Have you got any left?

Mum, this is so great for you.

I bet you're feeling really generous right now.

Even better, they're sending a television crew here tomorrow.

-You know that morning show you like, Chloe And Company.

-Whoa!

Yeah! They're going to broadcast me, live, in our kitchen, making my

cookies, it'll be great publicity for my business.

All my hard work is finally paying off.

-That's great.

-I have to say something.

Of course you do, she's taking all the credit,

Norman's the one that deserves to be on the telly, or even better, me...

On the telly? That's terrible.

-Norman would never fit in there, and not with both his legs.

-Mum.

We're so happy for you.

Look... Mum won, isn't that all that matters?

She'll do her TV show and it'll work out fine.

Usually it's your job to worry Mum, not worry about not worrying her.

-You want something, don't you?

-Yes.

Fine. I want something.

A new mobile phone, if you must know.

What's wrong with your old one?

It hates me.

"Hey, Brian, I think you're cute."

Send.

"Hey, Brian, I think you're puke."

Yeah. It's out to get me.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Brian? Yes, sorry.

It's not me, it's my phone.

It's old and it's stupid, and it hangs up on people.

Mum's happy, that's all that matters. She doesn't need to know

about every little bit of Norman that goes into her food, OK?

Chloe And Company... rehearsal, take one...

hundred and sixty four.

And... you're on!

SHE CLEARS THROAT

Hello, everyone.

My name's Kate Carlson and today, I'll show you

how to make Kate's commendable cookies, but first, let me show you

a batch I prepared earlier.

-Nick!

-What? We skipped lunch about take 59.

Ah... Erm...

They're really something.

It's very good. I'm going to save the rest for later.

Even the bits I already put in my mouth.

They're awful, I know!

I just can't seem to make that winning batch again.

Maybe I'm just too nervous.

Oh, what did you put in them?

Blue cheese and brown sauce.

-Ugh.

-I know, it's ridiculous.

But I'm desperate, I need to find out what's missing before tomorrow,

or I'll be a fool.

On national television.

Hey, Mum...

I'll come back later.

Was that Angela?

Tell Eddie he needs to fix this, all right?

Your mission, which you'd better accept, is to get into the kitchen,

get a pinch of Norman's fur into Mum's dough,

and get out without being caught.

NORMAN TALKS IN MUMBLED LANGUAGE

Norm says, no way, there's only so much of him to go around.

So, why don't we make Fiend cookies instead?

I'm small, I can fit in the telly.

No, no-one can ever know.

Wait, we're helping make Mum's cookies extra-special

and we don't get any credit for it?

That doesn't sound right.

It's not honest.

I'll let you wear balaclavas.

Come on.

Oof!

These things really work, even I can't see me.

You've got it on the wrong way round, Haggis.

There.

I think mine's a bit tight.

Does it make my bum look big?

Where's your balaclava, Norman?

NORMAN TALKS

He says he's disguising himself from the inside out.

NORMAN BURPS AND APOLOGISES

OK. On the count of three, one, two, three!

MUM SNORES

So, that's secret, sleep cooking?

Shhh!

OK, Norman, sneak some fur into Mum's dough.

NORMAN TALKS

Norman says he's keeping his fur for himself, and that's that.

Norman!

Mum's trying to put her fur into the cookies.

That will show her.

-OK, we'll have to cook them ourselves.

-Oh, dear.

-You'd better let me do it, Eddie.

-What are you doing?

Well, someone's got to be Mum. It seems Mum's not doing it right now.

It should be me. I'm a much better Mum than you, Mum Haggis.

No, you are not, Mum Fiend.

For one, you're far too small.

Now, Eddie, my dearest and shortest son, pass me my rolling pin.

Shhh! Shhhhh!

You're far too hairy to be Mum.

And you're not hairy enough.

NORMAN TALKS IN A HIGH-PITCHED VOICE

Whoa, he's got Mum down pat.

Accent and everything.

Mission accomplished.

Now, let's get out of here before Mum wakes up.

ALL SNORING

Smells good.

I don't remember baking these.

I did it! I did it!

Did what? Managed to sleep in the kitchen again?

No, I mean yes, I mean no.

I made those amazing cookies.

Mmmm. These are even better than the ones before, that's great.

No, it's not, I can't remember how I did it.

No matter, I accidentally left the video camera running.

'I'm a much better Mum than you, Mum Haggis.'

'No, You're not, Mum Fiend.'

What are those three doing?

HE TALKS WITH HIS MOUTH FULL

'You're far too hairy to be Mum.'

'And you're not hairy enough.'

Ha ha ha ha. Ah, this is... OK, moving on.

'OK, Norman, sneeze some fur into the dough.'

NORMAN TALKS

I'm eating Norman? Ugh! Ugh!

The first time Norman sneezed in your dough, it was an accident,

but you won the contest, so the second time was on purpose.

I wanted to tell you, but...

She's like a volcano.

Silent on top, but all fiery underneath.

-Hey, Mum, can I have...

-Grr!

-I wanted to help.

-Help get a little monster into your cookies.

All of you...

are going to make a new batch of dough with a pinch of Norman.

And we're going to do it now!

Chloe and her camera crew will be here any...

DOORBELL RINGS

Mum, there's people here with cameras and stuff.

Where's Norman?

He says he doesn't want to be an ingredient any more.

I'm doomed.

-Utterly doomed.

-Wait, Mum.

Your cookies are really good,

even without Norman, so why don't you just bake them like you used to?

Doomed, I said! Doomed.

Look at the state of me.

We have to do something, this is all our fault. Where's Norman?

We'll never find him.

Before I met Norman, he hid from me my entire life.

I'm just as tasty as Norman, why not put me in the cookies

-and on the telly?

-I have an idea.

Fiend, stall for time.

Erm, ha! Huh huh huh huh huh ha!

Uh, uh? Uh.

Isn't this exciting? You're going

to be seen live by millions of people across the entire country.

Oh, I see, easy, then.

No problem.

Then for years, and years, and years, in repeats, not to mention

DVDs, internet, YouTube. You're not nervous, are you?

Right, we'll be ready to go in just a few minutes.

Nick! Nick! Nick!

I have an idea.

Meet me in Venezuela in two weeks, I'll have red hair and my alias will

be Isabella Ignacio, codeword will be utter embarrassment.

Honey, maybe Eddie was right, just make your cookies.

They won't have any Norman in them.

Right, Kate, we're ready to go, in five, four, three, two...

Hi, everyone. Well, you all know me,

but you don't know Kate Carlson. Yet.

Kate has just won the Crazy Cookieopolis Cookie-off contest

with her absolutely delicious recipe,

and today, we're the lucky ones who get to learn her secret.

Take it away, Kate.

Honey, you're doing great!

Her career's finished.

Thanks, Chloe.

I love to eat...

I mean, make cookies.

Today, I'll be happy to show you the cookies I eat...

make... make to eat.

Cookies.

Every good cookie starts with a cookie...

I mean, with...

butter, flour, eggs,

baking soda and sugar.

Argh!

I just need to get something.

You! Stay out of sight!

But I'm delicious.

Stop it, ow.

Curry powder.

That's quite unusual, don't you think?

How does that figure into your recipe?

Well, Chloe, sometimes I just like to take a big

whiff of curry powder, to wake me up and get me ready to bake. Wargh!

Norman's got to be here somewhere, we've looked everywhere else.

Norman is the master of disguise,

even he doesn't know what he looks like.

He could be anywhere.

Hey, Norman!

Argh!

Argh!

Don't worry, Norman, I promise we won't use all your fur,

but we have to help Mum.

NORMAN SIGHS THEN TALKS

-Of course, Chloe...

-Psst, hey.

I couldn't possibly forget the...

Are they rolling yet?

-Baked beans?

-Yes, baked beans.

Not for the cookies, Chloe, really, but...

Mmm, mmm,

baking makes me so hungry.

Excuse me.

-They're going to see you.

-You're right,

and I haven't even done my hair yet.

My cupboards are so packed.

I should have cleaned them out first.

I was born to be on the telly!

Psst, Mum!

Eddie, be a dear, get Mum's passport and a map of South America.

-Pass us the dough.

-What?

-Trust me.

Sometimes, the dough needs a really good kneading.

I like to use my feet.

Ready, Norman?

Three, two, one.

Ah! Really working the dough now.

Ah, uh, atchoo!

Excuse me, my word, all this flour.

-It's going to be OK, Mum. Just bake the cookies.

-Are you sure?

I'm sure.

So, Chloe, I can't reveal my secret ingredient, but let's just say,

it's impossible to find in stores! Ha!

And we're back with Kate Carlson and her prize-winning cookies.

And, you knead them with your feet?

All the best chefs do, it's a dirty little kitchen secret.

Oh. Here goes.

Oh, my goodness,

these are absolutely incredible!

Ah!

Kate, don't leave us hanging, what's your special ingredient?

Sorry, Chloe, it's a family secret.

There you have it, folks,

Kate Carlson and her amazingly good cookies.

Monstrously good cookies!

It's the cat.

The messages just keep pouring in.

Everyone wants my cooking, it's incredible.

You couldn't buy this amount of publicity.

NORMAN WHINES

Don't worry, Norman, you're not on the menu any more.

From now on, I'm just cooking good, honest food.

Oh, that's good, because there wasn't any of him in the dough anyway.

No Norman?

In the cookies?

It was just my recipe?

Well, I thought it was more important to be honest,

and I thought your cookies were great on their own.

You're right.

-Thanks, Eddie.

-Mum...

Yes, sweetie.

Mum, can I please have a new phone?

The one I have right now is really old and it doesn't work

properly, and it kind of stinks, and every time I text someone,

it tells them they're puke.

-Sure.

-Oh, well, thanks a lot!

Wait, did you say yes?

Absolutely... If you clean up the mess in the kitchen from my baking.

Anything.

Yes, it's a disaster, and yes, it's too late to change your mind.

Nothing wrong with a little healthy mother-daughter manipulation.

I love these new cookies.

Really? Because I haven't made any.

Oh, these are ours.

There's the goodness of Haggis and Fiend in every bite.

Ugh! Ugh, ugh!

'So, Mum was almost right.

'Cookies are one part ingredients, one part love,

'nine parts honesty, and no parts monsters.

'Not if you like keeping them down.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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