Quality Time Me and My Monsters

# You're my mates when I'm not feeling strong

# You put me right when I am going wrong

# You're my hands when my arms are tied

# You colour me in when I'm black and white

# Pick me up when I fall down

# Take my frown and turn it around

# I couldn't wish for better friends to share my life with

# Don't be sad and lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can

# Me and my monsters can. #

They say time goes by more slowly when you're a kid.

Tell the numbskull who's left his homework to the last minute again!

Hey, Eddie, look! Norm's got a honker on his hooter!

Parp, parp!

Check it out, Ed! We made Haggis tap shoes out of buckets!

Eh!

That's nice.

Eddie!

Eddie?

-EDDIE!

-Fiend!

Are we disturbing you?

Maybe you should stop working and play with us.

Then we wouldn't have to bother you any more.

Now, is that a plan or what?

I've told you I don't have time to play tonight.

It's no good. We're losing him! Find something interesting.

Go, go, go! Quick! Find something interesting!

I know. Leave it to me.

Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

Um...

That one.

Hey-a!

Yes, hey-a!

As in, "Hey, what's that interesting thing the monsters have found?

"Maybe I should stop being so boring and hang out with them now!"

This is some old game we used to play.

Infunopoly. Quite fun, but takes ages.

-Why don't you play it any more?

-Cos no-one has the time, I suppose.

Talking of which, time waits for no man.

And nor does my science teacher, Mr Nutley.

I need to work somewhere where there aren't so many distractions.

Talking about you!

What are we going to do now?

Well, we could just quietly amuse ourselves down here

and not disturb anyone.

Or...

Sorry, boys. Big meeting with the new client tomorrow.

No time to play.

You can forget it, freakoids, because I've got exams all week.

I've only got time to revise. Also, one of you smells really bad!

That's a horrible thing to say!

Yeah. We all smell bad!

Sorry, guys. My agency's biggest account has moved the goalposts.

It's a major marketing push without briefing the manager.

What's going on, Sarah?

-I don't have time.

-Next time,

just say "Work thingy bad." OK?

Eddie, what's time?

It's about half past seven.

No, no, this time thing which everyone is so worried about.

-What is it?

-Time is how you know what order things happen in.

So you know when it's time to do something.

Why do you need time to tell you?

Why can't you just do whatever you want, whenever you want?

Cos that's not how it works.

Things happen at the right time.

So in the morning, you wake up, get out of bed, have breakfast,

-then you go to school.

-I beg to differ!

I always eat my bogies in bed.

I know it's unfair, but time's time. You can't change it. Impossible.

I don't know the meaning of the word impossible!

-Is it when you can't do something?

-Yes.

Darn it, I do know the meaning! Never mind!

Let's tame this time thing, anyway.

20 minutes should be about right.

If only there were more hours in the day!

Did you hear that? Human mum-type lady doesn't have enough time.

So we'll just give her some more!

Is that the time already?

Hello!

Is the relentless march of time ruining your life?

Wish you could slow everything down for a while? Well,

now you can, with the all-new slow moving about.

Observe!

So remind me why I'm wasting my time watching this?

Ah, but you're not! You're saving time

because we're making it go more slowly for you!

Oh. OK. I'm sorry, but Weirdos R Us is closed now,

-so if you wouldn't mind just...

-Understood.

We're outta here.

Go!

Abandon slo-mo! Abandon slo-mo!

SHE SNIFFS

No! No, no, no!

No! No!

No-o-o-o!

No-o-o-o-o!

I hear what you're saying, Sarah, but we can't turn back the clock.

So let's get everyone in for an AM crisis meeting

and we'll sort the whole thing out.

-Fiend!

-Can't turn back time, eh?

But maybe you can, with this!

The DVD remote control?

A-ha, but there is one button which has magical powers!

The rewind button!

Observe!

Um, Fiend, I...

Look!

That dish took me hours to perfect!

Help! She's got a whisk!

You like to throw your weight around, don't you?

Reckon you're some kind of big shot, huh?

Yeah, not so full of yourself now, are you? Hmm?

Haggis, why don't you have a word with our shy little friend here?

What?

I said, "Have a word." And be tough!

Grrrr!

Er... Boo!

Doughnut?

Maybe we should talk to you in the only language you understand!

Norman?

Tick-tock, tick-tock! Tick-tock!

Tick-tock!

"Tick-tock! Tick-tock!"

That's all he ever says!

This family has been taken hostage by these monsters!

I don't mean that in a bad way.

It's up to us to save them! Are you with me?

Yay!

Yes, it's time for us to take down time!

Go, go, go!

-Where are you going?

-You said, "Go, go, go!"

I meant go and get the clock, bird-brain!

Oh! Right.

Should I wake up Eddie and tell him what we're doing?

Haggis!!

Haggis!

Haggis?

Anybody?

I'm quite high up.

Eddie!

Somebody!

Waaa!

A-ha!

You?

I'm sorry! Believe it or not, it was all Haggis's idea!

I knew it.

I bet it was you let the elephants into the garden as well!

Elephants? No, that wasn't us!

They're smashing all the garden furniture!

They are? This I've got to see!

Wait a minute! You're talking in your sleep, aren't you?

I am Matheon!

King of the Elves!

-Fiend! Come on!

-Wait a minute.

This is the coolest conversation I've had in my life!

All these clocks, radios, phones!

And magic beepy cooking boxes! Ha-ha!

Well, boys, looks like we've got a lot of "time" on our hands!

Ha! Get it?

Time on our hands!

Yes?

No?

Oh, never mind!

We've beaten the ticky-tocks.

The humans are going to love us!

Yay!!

ALARM GOES OFF

Oh, wow.

After a great sleep like that,

all I want to do is wake up to some fish soup, mustard and flour!

We made you lunch in bed.

I think that's sweet.

Wait, don't you mean breakfast in bed?

Nope. Take your time!

BOTH: Lunch?

-DAD:

-I'm late for my meeting!

-MUM: Ditto!

EDDIE: My teacher will kill me!

-ANGELA:

-Ditto!

-They don't sound very happy.

-Are you kidding? They're jumping for joy!

-ANGELA:

-Eddie, if you don't get out of that shower now, I'll kill you!

NORMAN EXCLAIMS

And shouting death threats at each other, yes, Norman.

Humans, eh?

Have you guys seen my watch?

Eddie! Angela! We are leaving in five minutes!

At least we would if I had any way of telling the time!

Where are all the clocks?

NONCHALANT WHISTLING

Do you know anything about the missing clocks, Fiend?

Us? No.

Why would we want to steal your clocks?

I didn't say anything about stealing.

Why would you? It's not like we pulled off a daring night-time raid

to hide your clocks and save you from time's evil clutches!

So, who's up for a nice family game of Infunopoly?

Where are the clocks, Fiend?

You're not pinning this on us! You have no proof. We're innocent!

Innocent, I tell you!

ALARM GOES OFF IN HAGGIS'S TUMMY

Cough! Cough! Clearing throat sound.

-You ate them?

-Only nine or ten.

Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Ah, there you go. Mystery solved. They were hiding there all along.

You probably want to apologise to us now.

Eddie, Angela, to the car!

-Our furry friends have made us very late!

-I must say,

you're handling all this very well, human man dad.

Very calm. I like it. Well done!

Yeah? That's only because

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO NUCLEAR!!!

But mark my words, this will not happen again!

Pay attention, chaps.

We've got something to show you.

-What is it?

-This...

..is a grandfather clock.

With this magnificent timepiece striking every quarter hour,

there's no chance we'll ever be late again.

Good, because Mr Nutley gave me a special project for being late.

And it's due in tomorrow.

Boo-hoo. I have to re-sit an exam that I missed today.

Yeah, don't think my brain can handle another night of this.

Don't panic, but I think Time sent this fella to control the humans.

This could get messy.

Look at the craftsmanship, that face, those hands.

Hands? Face?

-It's alive!

-Chill out, Haggis.

If it were alive, it would speak or make some sort of noise.

-CLOCK CHIMES

-Aghh!

CHIMING

Aghhh!

NORMAN WHIMPERS

Well, that's a good start.

Right. Let's crack this science project.

Can anyone...help?

I'd love to help you but this morning's meeting was a disaster.

There's a recipe in one of these books that'll knock their socks off.

Please?

If it's something quick and easy. What do you have to make?

A scale model of the entire solar system.

Oh. I know, why don't you go and ask your sister to help?

Hmm. Do I want to help you with your stupid science project

after your mutant pets have made me miss my exam

and I have to do re-sits tomorrow?

I'll slam it myself.

Hey, Dad! Can you help me with my...

Sorry, I've got a campaign backlog like you wouldn't believe.

You could just say "work thingy bad", you know!

Yes.

Door!

Whose idea was it to have so many planets, anyway?

-Eddie!

-Aghh!

-How's it going?

-Great, just great(!)

Mars has fallen on the floor and your foot is crushing planet Earth.

Bummer. Listen, I need help. It's an emergency!

-What's wrong?

-Norman, that's what. Wrong in the head!

Ever since the arrival of Darth Bing-bong down there.

Come on, Norman's always been a little bit...different.

Hasn't he? I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

Oh, really?

-Why's it so dark in here?

-You'll see.

Any second now.

CLOCK CHIMES THE HOUR

Bong!

Bong!

Bong!

OK, you've got a point. That's not normal, even for Norm.

Told you. Norm's gone to a whole new level of doolally.

Like the level of our super loon ball cuckoo

that you reach after climbing a ladder made entirely of fruit cake.

What about Haggis?

Haggis is gone!

Gone?

Make it stop! Make it stop!

Gone into hiding.

And he won't come out until the bonging stops!

The bongs are wrong! No more bongs!

Bad bongs! Ban the bong!

To sum up, we are essentially very much anti-bong.

We are not getting rid of the grandfather clock.

That is the future. A future where the Carson family is never late.

CLOCK CHIMES

There. Now I know it's time to go on my next job.

What's that? Being King of the Elves?

We hear you, Eddie, but we just don't have time to talk about it.

How's the science project?

Great! Yeah, thanks for reminding me(!)

Farewell, great King Matheon!

-What did he mean by...

-No idea!

Oh, it's no good.

Time has got its little tick-tocking claws into him good and proper!

I've got my own problems. If I don't finish this by tomorrow

then I'm in detention till my hair turns grey.

-You've only got yourself to blame.

-What?! You lot stole the clocks!

-So?

-That made us late, which got me punished

and that made Mum and Dad too busy.

-So?

-So none of this would have happened if it wasn't for you!

I never asked to be born!

Are you all right now?

Yes. It's been a long day.

FIEND SIGHS HEAVILY

Oh! Hey! We'll help with your project.

I don't know.

Come on, look how artistic Norman is!

Impressive!

Disturbing, but impressive.

And it could be just the distraction the guys need, too.

Oh, go on, Eddie!

Hmm?

For the record, I think this will end in tears,

but here goes nothing.

-Now, what do we have to make some nice round planets out of?

-Ah!

Ta-da-da-da!

Perfect(!)

Glad we could help. Right, what do we do next?

No, we can't use any of this.

It's hopeless!

Hmm. Yeah.

The only other thing we have is...

this collection of different-sized round fruit

which Norm has hollowed out and dried as an offering to Bing-Bong!

Bong!

Now we're in business!

I've got to hand it to you. Without your help, I'd never have done it.

-You're welcome.

-No sweat.

-Bong!

8.00am. A trouble-shooting session. I have some ideas.

I've emailed you a knock-out menu for the conference.

-Could you pass that on?

-Hey, that's nice.

-Thanks to the monsters. They helped me.

-It's great.

No, I'm still here.

-There's no way I'll memorise all these dates!

-Ask the monsters.

It worked for me. See?

A bunch of dried fruit in pretty patterns. That won't help.

I've got an idea. Give us a date.

OK. The Wright Brothers' first aeroplane flight. 1903.

Now, Norman, fly like a plane.

-Yeah.

-OK, great.

-See you then.

-Thanks.

-Bye!

-Bye!

Did Eddie just say the monsters helped him with his homework?

The Battle of Hastings, 1066.

The one where King Harold got an arrow in the eye?

Haggis, come here.

Well, it's certainly memorable, I'll give you that!

You know what, guys? I never thought I'd say this, but thanks a lot.

Any time!

-Hi, kids!

-What's up?

Nothing, Dad, just learning my history.

Good news. We've finished our work so we can help you now.

That's OK. The monsters have it covered.

We don't need you any more. But thanks, anyway.

-They don't need us any more.

-I'm sure she didn't mean it like that.

-I can't believe they'd rather go to the monsters.

-We're their parents.

TOGETHER: Maybe it's my fault.

I'm going to talk to them!

-OK. The French Revolution.

-OK...

-We're really sorry, OK?

-What for?

-For not making time for you guys.

If only I hadn't got wrapped up in the marketing strategy at work.

-If work thingy not so bad.

-And if we hadn't brought that ugly clock home.

-Hey?

-It is.

-Fair enough.

-Mum, Dad.

It's cool, really. You're busy, we're busy. We understand.

But we need you to need us. There must be something?

Career advice? Relationship counselling?

Who wants to borrow the car?

-Please?

-It's not helping.

Sorry you had to witness that.

It's all our fault.

Is there anything we can do to make it up to you?

There is one thing we can all do together.

-But it's a bit stupid and you don't have time...

-What?

Infunopoly!!

Haggis, you rolled a five. You have to power-hop onto the sofa.

Dad, your turn to spin the master wheel.

I can't believe this game never caught on.

Isn't it amazing what you can do with a little quality time together?

Uh-oh. Did I just say something sensible and mature?

GRANDFATHER CLOCK CHIMES

I think there is someone in this house who overstayed their welcome!

I think you're right.

Haggis?

-Me?!

-Well, I'll miss him, but he did snore!

-I need your help.

-I knew that's what he meant!

'It's funny, but I never really understood what time was

'till I stopped watching the clock.

'I realised you can always make time if you want to.'

You OK, Haggis?

Yeah.

'Just as long as it's for something that really matters!'

Yes!

We win! Monsters, one, Time, nil!

Ha-ha!

Now then, back to the game.

It's my turn to roll the dice of skulls, I believe! Eddie?

# Don't be sad and lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can! #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd