Next Big Thing Me and My Monsters

# You're my might when I'm not feeling strong

# Put me right when I am going wrong

# Your my hands when my arms are tied

# Colour me in when I'm black and white

# Pick me up when I fall down

# You take my frown and you turn it around

# Couldn't wish for better friends to share my life with

# Don't be sad or lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can

# Me and my monsters can. #

The stress of a busy restaurant kitchen

may not be everyone's idea of a fun job,

which is why a major new campaign launched this week

is aiming to show young people there are other ways

to get a kick out of cooking.

Here to tell us more about 'hob satisfaction'

is freelance caterer Kate Carlson. Tell us more about this initiative.

MONSTERS SCREAM

'The monsters had never seen anyone they knew on the news before.

'I think they were a bit confused.'

Quick! She's trapped in the box of light!

Wah-wah!

Oh, I'm coming!

Haggis, no!

Don't worry!

I'll rescue you!

'I suppose Mum's TV appearance did get her some screaming fans,

'but not really in the way she wanted...'

It must be some sort of invisible force-field.

'..though, Fiend did seem keen to get into TV.'

Let me in!

I'm here to rescue you!

-Fiend!

-Don't worry, Angela. I'll save her.

Fiend, she's in the room.

Oh, yeah. I completely forgot you were there.

Me too!

So...to recap, the tiny you on the magic screen

-is actually your evil twin sister.

-No, for the twentieth time!

-Twenty-second.

-It is me!

We filmed it earlier on and now we're watching it on TV.

Why would people want to watch you on TV?

Because people want to hear what I have to say.

Even my school paper wants to interview you about the campaign.

-Really?

-Yeah. It's called "News".

-MONSTERS:

-News...

But you know what you're going to say, so why are you watching it?

Cos there was a very slight technical hitch and I want to make sure

they don't include the bit where I...

Oh, no!

THEY SCREAM

'Put it out!'

'No, not water. That will make it worse!'

About the interview with my school paper...

You should have seen Mum Thingy Person with the food burner.

Is this new stuff always that exciting?

I wish. That sounds awesome.

Yeah. That show was brilliant. Will it be on again next week?

Next week?! It's on every day, Haggis, like five times.

Waw! They must need an awful lot of this new stuff.

Oh, nice one, Norman. Sweet! I knew we had one somewhere.

-Where did you get that?

-Oh, we've got all sorts of stuff down here.

No, no, Norman. Put it back.

-Right then, let's get going.

-Wait, going where?

Outside, of course. There's a world of news out there

and us monsters want our share.

-What? No! You can't go outside!

-Sure we can.

We're reporters. We go where the news is.

But there's loads of people covering the news.

There's plenty of stories right under your nose.

-There can't be. I don't have a nose.

-No. I mean, in the house.

There's loads going on. Just today, there was a fire in the kitchen.

-There was?

-Yeah. You just saw it. You said it was the best bit.

And where did they get that story?

-India?

-Right here, in this house.

Wait a moment. He's right!

We could get an exclusive on all the Carlson family news.

Exactly. I bet if you dig deep,

this house is full of hard-hitting headlines.

The teenager has now placed a strange yellow fruit into her bag!

Pardon? No, I didn't give the interview. There was a hiccup.

Reports that it is a banana are as yet, unconfirmed.

Oh, you heard that too, did you?

-And this crazed fruit-packing binge looks set to continue.

-Shut up!

Sources close to the stroppy child are telling us to "shut up".

Hmm. Aw!

More on this story as we get it.

Coming up, Norman has the sport.

TALKS INCOMPREHENSIBLY

Ga-ga!

CONTINUES INCOMPREHENSIBLY

OK, this bit isn't going to work. What else have we got?

-Mr Carlson!

-Mr Carlson!

-Any comment on your stubble's disappearance?

-What are you talking about?

-Is it true you deliberately cut it?

Ho-ho-ho! He looks guilty!

He DOES look guilty.

Yes, Jane...

I know... I know it wasn't the sort of publicity you wanted

for the scheme, but in my defence, it was only a very small fire.

SHE SCREAMS

Well, the crisps appear to be safe.

Next week on What's In The Cupboard? I'll be investigating biscuits.

And stay out!

We'll have to come back to the mystical whirlpool later,

as someone seems to be sitting on it.

'This is Haggis at... one of the rooms.'

That's it? Another mystical whirlpool story?

-You did that yesterday!

-There's not enough to report on.

The last big story we had was when we set the goldfish free.

I told you to bury that story.

Those...poor...poor...goldfish.

Right, there's only one thing for it.

Somebody grab a camera. We're going outside.

No, no, no. We've talked about this.

Sorry, Eddie. The news stops for nothing.

Except for bedtime. I mean, you can't have 24 hour news!

But wait...

..didn't you hear the big news?

What big news?

You know, the... big inside the house news?

-No. What is it? Come on. I'm all ears.

-No, you're mostly eyes.

Erm... There's been a...

Someone's...erm...

Someone's...spotted!

Yes, someone's spotted a... Someone's spotted a...

A monster! Yes, someone's spotted a monster.

What? There's another one?

Another monster?!

When? Where?

How? What's his name?

His name is...

Er...

Jar...

Mum...

Sea.

-ALL:

-Jamumzy!

Yeah. Jamumzy.

Where is this Jamumzy?

Oh.

He's kind of shy.

Don't just stand there. Let's find this famous fur ball.

Well, that should keep them busy for a while.

'Eddie, you'll be late for school!'

No, I don't want to be on TV's Greatest Blunders 4!

Unbelievable!

Hi, darling(!)

Thanks a lot(!)

-You're welcome?

-Your kitchen fire made the school paper today!

-What?

-Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?

How did they know? I didn't think kids watched the news.

-They don't need to because it's all over the internet!

-What?

And I think everyone in the entire world has seen it.

I was laughed at four times today.

By teachers.

When you say "all over the internet"...

I mean all over the internet. Type in "Calamity Kate".

Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

You'd only have to wear it for 30 seconds for me to take a photo.

This weirdness comes from your mother's side, you know.

Come on. Please.

If I can make them think Jamumzy's real,

-they'll spend days looking for him.

-You wear it.

-It's not my size.

Think about it. If they spend all their time searching for Jamumzy,

they won't be bothering you, not for days. Weeks even.

Just imagine all those peaceful monster-free weeks

and all it will take is one little photo.

'Eddie!'

You need to come with me.

-Erm, a little busy here.

-Erm, right now!

Just think about it.

OK, I think this whole Gerbumzy thing's got out of hand.

Actually, his name's Jamumz...

Oh, boy!

Still to come on this Jamumzy special,

Norman will be trying the Jamumzy diet,

which, since no-one knows what Jamumzy eats,

involves eating everything.

NORM BURPS

And we'll have more expert insight from our Jamumzy superfan,

Haggis!

Ja-Ja-Ja-Jamumzy!

But first, live and exclusive on Monster News,

we ask the big question -

is Jamumzy hiding inside this supporting pillar?

And there's only one way to find out.

Stop!

Wh-what's the problem? It's only a bit of wall. There's loads of it.

-It's holding up the house.

-Oh, yes. That is regrettable, obviously.

But I've got no choice. We have to find Jamumzy.

We've looked everywhere else, so...

-Wait! No!

-Give me it... Give me it back!

I've got to swing...

FIEND SIGHS

-He's not inside this pillar.

-What? Well, then, where is he?

-Have you seen him?

-No. Not exactly.

I...

He...

Look, I made him up.

-What?!

-Oh, no, you didn't, no. You can't have

because I have pictures of him.

Look.

There I am in the back garden.

Jamumzy is hiding behind the shed.

There he is, hiding behind the bin.

And there I am again, but where is Jamumzy?

-You can't see him cos he's hiding behind the coat-stand.

-Haggis?

-Hmm?

Do you think there's a reason Jamumzy's hiding in each photo?

-It's because he doesn't exist.

-Look, I made the whole thing up.

Face it. There's no such thing as Jamumzy.

KNOCK ON DOOR

HE ULULATES I am Jamumzy!

MONSTERS: Jamumzy!

WHIMPERING

I didn't want you going outside for news stories.

I made up Jamumzy. I'm really sorry.

Sorry? SORRY?

What on earth are you sorry for?

-That was the best fun ever.

-Yeah, I loved loving Jamumzy.

What a guy!

-Oh, thanks, fellas.

-And that was just a made-up celebrity.

Imagine how great it would be reporting on a real one.

Well, I was an extra in an Australian soap once.

Who can forget my incredible work in the role of Jamumzy?

Sorry, guys. I don't know any celebrities.

ALL: Aw-w!

-Hello? Is anyone even listening to me?

-Well...

I guess we just have to go and find one. Come on, boys!

-No, for the last time, I told you...

-Oh, no! >

Mum's on TV again.

-Aggh!

-Are we getting all this?

Oh, help! Aggh!

And you saw it first here on LBN News,

but it seems careless cook Kate Carlson has gone global.

-Kate!

-The hilarious clip of Kate's kitchen disaster

-has become an internet sensation...

-Nick, you won't believe...

..with over nine million hits, turning this clumsy caterer

into an overnight celebrity.

See that? She's a celebrity.

MONSTERS: You're a celebrity!

-I'm a celebrity.

-Yeah, that's it. I'm moving schools.

-She'll be coming out soon. It can't take her that long...

-Oh!

ALL ASK QUESTIONS AT ONCE

We love you, Mrs Carlson. Over here, you look great.

THEY CHEER

HAGGIS LAUGHS

-ALL: Mrs Carlson!

-Oh!

-Aggh!

-BOTTLE SMASHES

MUMBLING

THEY CHEER

Oh!

I'm serious, guys. I think Mum might want a little privacy.

No can do! We're the press! She's famous. It's just how it is.

MUMBLES Hey, guys. I've got a story for you.

I found a photo of me when I was in an Aussie soap.

-ALL ASK QUESTIONS AT ONCE

-No, I'm going out.

-Who with? Where?

-I don't know, just out!

Anything to get away from you ridiculous reporters.

ALL TALK AT ONCE A few words, please, Kate.

Kate! Please, Kate, just a few words.

Kate! Mrs Carlson, please!

-Hi, Kate, do you remember me?

-Yes. What's going on?

Seems our little clip has become a massive hit.

-We're up to 20 million views online.

-20 million?!

I know. Which means you're big news right now.

What do you say to an exclusive interview on primetime TV?

Seriously? That would be great!

The Careers in Catering scheme could really do with some good publicity

after the whole fire thing.

What? No! The fire was the best bit.

We want your other kitchen calamities.

Ever slipped on a salmon? Put sand in a salad? Been sick in a soup?

No, of course not!

Oh. Would you be prepared to say you had?

-Kate! Kate, please! Kate! Just a few words! Kate!

-Of all the...!

-Just a few words, Kate.

-A quick picture, Kate!

MUMBLES

Yeah, exactly. We live here.

If anyone should get an exclusive, it should be us.

Oh, why don't you all just give it a rest?!

I've got an exclusive for you - the man who was Jamumzy!

HE GROWLS

THEY SIGH

Right.

What?

HAGGIS SQUEALS

Hey, where are you going?

I'm a celebrity.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hey, do you know there's a load of reporters out there?

The 50 guys camped out on my driveway? I had noticed that.

This is ridiculous.

Even my school paper won't let the stupid story drop.

Now they're saying if I don't get an interview with Mum,

-then I'm off the press team.

-Yeah, well, good luck with that.

She's not in the mood for interviews.

She's locked in the bedroom and won't come down till they've gone.

-What? No. Tell her she has to.

-I've tried, believe me.

Unless you can get the world's press off our doorstep, she's staying put.

Oh, this is a joke. I knew that some day one of my embarrassing parents

would be the front-page news but I just... I never thought it'd be Mum.

-Oh, thanks very much(!)

-That's all right.

Actually, thanks very much.

For what?

For what?

THEY SIGH

How many days has it been now?

Seven hours.

What's that in days?

I don't know, but it's too long. Norman!

-NORMAN MUMBLES

-Why don't you try again?

NORMAN MUMBLES

-MUM:

-Go away!

-NORMAN MUMBLES

-Yeah, I heard.

-Hey!

-What are you guys doing here?

-We go where the story goes,

and right now the story has locked itself in there

-and it's not coming out.

-What? You mean Mum?

Yes, something about not wanting to look silly,

and the press not listening to her.

-I don't know exactly, I wasn't listening. Norman!

-Uh-huh?

-NORMAN MUMBLES

-Come on, Mrs Carlson!

Just a few words.

-Fiend!

-What?

-Why are you hassling her like this?

-Because she's a celebrity.

-No, she's my mum.

Yes, but she's also a celebrity. You told us that, remember?

I shouldn't have.

She doesn't want any of this.

Oh, sure she does. She went on the news and everything.

Yeah, but not to be famous. She went on the news for a reason.

-Has everyone forgotten that?

-Of course not.

Who could forget Kate's hilarious kitchen calamities?

-THEY LAUGH

-No, it's not about that.

It's about... Hey, how about I get you an exclusive interview with Mum

that the whole world would see?

You would literally be my favourite boy who lives in this house.

-MUM:

-Go away!

Mum, it's me. Listen, I think I may have an idea.

And that's why I'm 100% behind the Careers in Catering scheme,

because there are many more exciting things happen in an good kitchen

than the odd mishap.

And cut!

Perfect. One world exclusive.

-Did you get everything you wanted?

-I think so, Mum.

-You should thank Eddie. It was his idea.

-It was the least I could do.

-It was nothing. Don't mention it.

-Did I say anything embarrassing?

Er, well, I mean... There's nothing we can't, um...edit out, so...

Oh!

You know, I think there's something wrong with that hob.

Yeah.

That's the monster press dealt with, now for the other lot.

That'll get them off your back. And THIS should get the paper off mine.

Well, here goes.

-Now, one at a time, please.

-HE BLOWS

-Where did they all go?

-Oh, sorry, Kate. You're old news.

Another big story came up.

What?

Haven't you heard? There's been some sort of monster sighting.

It's going to be all over the television. Apparently, they say...

Charming(!)

Eddie, where are the...?

What?

If you're all here, then who's...? Oh, no.

I'm Jamumzy!

-Oh, bless him!

-Yep, me and my big mouth.

..shown here running down the middle

of the city's busiest shopping street,

but it seems this self-styled monster

has already drawn press attention from right across the country.

-I'm surprised they haven't called...

-SIREN WAILS

Oh, they have now.

..already asking the inevitable question - why?

And I got to wear some actual handcuffs

and they read me some rights I never knew I had. Thanks.

-So you're not in trouble?

-No.

No, I just explained I was doing it for my wife

and they seemed a bit confused at first, but then they let me off.

-And we're not going to be overrun by reporters again.

-No.

-The press lost interest once they called off the dogs.

-The dogs?!

Yeah, did I mention the dogs?

Oh, Mum, look at this!

See? What did I tell you, right? I posted your interview online

about the Calamity Kate thing and it has gotten so many hits.

Check this out. Look at the comments.

"Inspiring scheme!" "Wonderful ideas!" Oh, that's great.

-Thank you, Angela.

-Oh! And my school paper loved the interview

and it's going to be on the front page.

That's great, darling.

Yeah, it'll be a nice change not to be laughed at every time.

You've got to see this!

-What?

-Here, look! Under "most viewed".

I'm Jamumzy!

Hey, that's me. Give me a look.

'With the reporters gone, Mum's brush with celebrity

'worked out all right in the end. She finally got her message out.

'Dad got his five minutes of fame.'

Seven million hits already. I'm a celebrity.

You're a celebrity!

That's right.

'And the monsters learnt that,

'most of the time, fame only lasts for five minutes...'

If you think for one second I'm going to give you an interview

after you ignored me all day, you've got another think coming.

Look at this! Look! Look!

HAGGIS LAUGHS

Of course, there was my starring role in the Australian soap opera.

'..though in my house,

'they'll gladly stretch it out to ten minutes.'

That's great. Could you just do the voice for us one more time?

It's kind of rough on the instruments but I'm Jamumzy!

I'm Jamumzy! FIEND LAUGHS

Now that's embarrassing.

Oh, it's a goal, it's a goal.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd