The Fall Out Me and My Monsters


The Fall Out

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# You're my might when I'm not feeling strong

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# You put me right when I am going wrong

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# You're my hands when my arms are tied

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# You colour me in when I'm black and white

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# You pick me up when I fall down

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# You take my frown and you turn it around

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# I couldn't wish for better friends

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# To share my life with

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# Don't be sad or lonely

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# If you need someone to hold your hand

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# Me and my monsters can

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# Me and my monsters can #

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GLASS BREAKS

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'The most important thing in life is friends.

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'I have three of them.

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'They're the noisiest, stinkiest, naughtiest mates ever.

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'I really hit the jackpot.'

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-Hi, Eddie! How was school?

-Who cares?

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-Guess whose birthday it is tomorrow!

-Is it mine?

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-No.

-Oh. I thought I'd forgotten.

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-It's mine!

-Whose did you say it was?

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Mine! Eddie Carlson's!

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-Who?

-Can I have a party?

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-Mm... You had one last year.

-Well, I want another.

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-It's very short notice.

-You've had 12 months to plan for this, Mum.

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I know. I guess. It's a little bit inconvenient, though.

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Who do you want to invite?

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My three best friends in all the world.

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Is... Is that me, Mum and Dad?

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Norman, would you stop moving?!

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Please! We are trying to have a serious game here.

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Hoop-la!

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FIEND LAUGHS

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Hey, everyone! It's my birthday tomorrow,

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and I'm having a birthday party. You're invited, you're invited,

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-and you're invited!

-MONSTERS CHEER

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-What's a birthday party?

-It's when you celebrate being a year older.

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Why not celebrate being a week older?

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Or another day older?

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Yeah! You could celebrate every second.

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I mean...I've just had a party!

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Oh! I've just had another one.

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Oh! We're having fun.

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Party! Party! Party, party, p...

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Oh, I don't think I can do this any more now!

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Ooh! I'm all partied out.

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-HE LAUGHS

-Ignore him.

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So, what else happens on a birthday?

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Well, you get a big cake, and you get to blow all the candles out.

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-With your bottom?

-No, with your mouth!

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-Oh. Pity!

-And we get to play loads of really cool party games

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-like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.

-Is that legal?

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This party's going to be really wild!

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NORMAN GRUNTS AND CACKLES

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And when your friends come to your party, they always bring presents.

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What kind of presents?

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Something they think you'll really want -

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like a remote-control jeep, for example.

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-Oh, we're all out of those.

-NORMAN HOOTS SADLY

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Well, anything will do. So, will you come?

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Oh, yeah! We're 24-hour party monsters!

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What about sausage hedgehogs, marshmallow spiders

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and snake jellies?

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-Does it have to be novelty food?

-It's fun!

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Do you remember the teddy-bear sandwiches?

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-I'd rather not talk about that.

-You cried when we ate them.

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I was four!

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Have you bought Eddie a birthday present yet?

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No. I think I'm going to get him two next year.

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He's your little brother.

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Hey! Don't lay that guilt trip on me, OK? I need this money.

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In one week, the coolest jacket ever designed...

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-..will be mine.

-You should get him a present, even if it's small.

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Do you like him this much?

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It's possible.

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Do you like him...this much?

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At a stretch.

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Do you like him...

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this much?

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I think I like anyone that much.

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Um...

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HE HUMS THOUGHTFULLY

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Hmm...

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I know! Let's give him every kid's dream present!

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-Norman's cat-sick collection?

-No, you fool!

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-Me!

-You?!

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Yes! Imagine his joy

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when he rips off the gift-wrap to reveal me inside -

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his favourite monster!

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No! I'm his favourite monster! We should give him me.

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HE CLUCKS

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No, no. I'm definitely his favourite monster.

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-How come?

-Um, because...

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because I'm the best dancer!

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DANCE MUSIC POUNDS

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Ooh!

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Oh, no way, no way, no way.

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Everybody knows big guys are the best dancers.

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Watch me! FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES

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No, that's nothing! Look at my feet!

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I'm the soul man!

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-Look! They're a blur!

-NORMAN CLUCKS AND SINGS ALONG

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Yeah! Keep up with this, Haggis! Hoo! Hah!

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Get down!

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MUSIC CONTINUES NORMAN CLUCKS

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-MUSIC STOPS

-Nice try, Norm!

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-Too bad! I won.

-No! I won!

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OK. Wrap me!

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No! You wrap ME!

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HE CLUCKS

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And when you've finished, put a little bow on top, all right?

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Do it yourself!

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Do birthday presents normally have to wrap themselves?

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-A monster theme party.

-What do you think?

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SHE SIGHS

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Actually, I like every part about it -

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except the monster part.

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Do you want to help me make some gross-out food?

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Wow! My mother is asking me that question.

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I'm going to make some... poo biscuits!

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-What's wrong with you?

-When you're older,

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this is the stuff you'll remember.

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No. When I'm older, this is the stuff I'm going to try to forget.

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OK?

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I see you're hard at work there, champ.

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No. I'm just making invites for my birthday party.

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-What are you planning?

-A party at home with Fiend, Haggis and Norman.

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How about something more adventurous - a party at Fun Splash?

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No. The monsters can't go to Fun Splash.

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That's a big selling point right there. Come on. What do you say?

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Invite a whole bunch of your school mates. You can all half-drown.

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-It'll be great.

-The half-drowning bit does sound like fun,

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but I want a party with the monsters.

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Don't you look at me like that, Haggis!

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-I'll look at you however I want.

-Would you like to reconsider?

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-FIEND AND HAGGIS ARGUE

-I am talking. I'm the best.

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Look! I've made a furry monster tablecloth with ping-pong eyeballs!

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See? It looks like Fiend!

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Just smile.

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-Button it, sumo!

-Shut up yourself, nine-eyes!

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HE CLUCKS, SQUEALS AND BARKS

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-Hey, what's going on here?

-We're having an argument!

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-I can hear that.

-Soon we'll be done with the verbal insults

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-then we'll start throwing things at each other!

-Ooh!

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Right! Yah!

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-NORMAN HOOTS

-Hah!

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-HAGGIS GRUNTS

-Ha-ha!

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-Yah! Ha-ha!

-Hey! Stop that!

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No! We can't quit now! Ooh!

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-Take that!

-Ooh!

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Take this!

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-Ow!

-Actually, that looks like fun!

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-Can I join in?

-No. Start your own argument!

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Yeah! Start your own argument, Human Eddie!

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HE LAUGHS

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We've been brewing this one for ages.

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You can't just jump in when it begins to get good.

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-That's just plain lazy!

-Yah!

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HE GRUNTS

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Can someone please tell me what this argument is all about?

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-It all started because -

-MONSTERS ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

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-OK! Listen!

-MONSTERS FALL SILENT

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-Why don't you just all apologise?

-Not going to happen.

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-No way! Forget it, Eddie.

-Yeah. Monsters do not say sorry!

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-Hm!

-NORMAN CLUCKS

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SHOUTING AND CRASHING Has he given them fizzy drink again?

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Mum, you've got to help. They're going crazy down there!

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-What are they fighting about?

-I have no idea!

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-You want me to handle this?

-You?

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I have management skills! I manage people. That's what I do -

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deal with conflict in the workplace. If I can manage 30 people,

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I think I can look after three furry monsters.

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-CLATTERING

-Quickly, Mum. Come on.

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Son, just relax. I'll handle this.

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I'm a professional.

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ALL MUTTER, GROWL AND BLOW RASPBERRIES

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OK, quiet, please! Settle down. ALL CONTINUE TO MAKE NOISES

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OK, gentlemen! Thank you for taking time out to attend this meeting.

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If we could try and act in a mature fashion,

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see if we can't get to the bottom -

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-Hah! You said "bottom"!

-Oh, that is so immature.

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-Oh, shut up!

-No, you shut up!

-NORMAN CLUCKS FRANTICALLY

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You will all have a chance to air your grievances,

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but more importantly, to listen to what each other has to say.

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You don't really think Dad can get the monsters to kiss and make up?

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I know it's hard to believe at times, but he's quite experienced

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at resolving disputes.

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Oh, right! Because he's so laid back and reasonable

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when it comes to the monsters.

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-Just as long as he doesn't do the hat thing.

-What's the hat thing?

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OK, here are the rules. You can only speak

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when you're holding the talking-hat. Is that understood?

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Here, Haggis. Why don't you go first?

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-Why should he go first?

-Because he has the hat.

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-I should have the hat!

-NORMAN CLUCKS IN PROTEST

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-I've got the hat!

-Give me the hat!

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You can only talk, Fiend, when you're holding the hat.

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-You have two hats?

-There's only one.

-Can't you afford two hats?

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-That's beside the point!

-Now I've got the hat!

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FIEND CACKLES HAGGIS WAILS

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-Speak!

-Don't be silly!

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-The hat can't speak!

-Yeah. I know the hat can't speak.

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Then why'd you call it speaking hat? Hey! Give me that back!

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-NORMAN CLUCKS TRIUMPHANTLY

-Norman has the hat!

-My hat!

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No, it's my hat! Give me the hat, Norman! Haggis, let go!

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Can we please just behave in a civilised fashion?!

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NORMAN CLUCKS WILDLY

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So, how did it go?

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There is a lot of pent-up hostility in that room.

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He's made things worse.

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I'll admit the speaking-hat was a mistake.

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Now they've fallen out big time.

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Does your company really let you run a whole department?

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We have a strict employment policy, yeah? No monsters.

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-Eddie, are you OK?

-I'm going to bed.

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Things must be bad. It's nowhere near your bedtime.

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It's all a complete disaster. My best friends aren't even talking!

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I might as well cancel my party now.

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Don't worry about the monsters too much.

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It will all have blown over by the morning. You'll see.

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Night.

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-It's your birthday tomorrow!

-I'm not sure I want it.

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I do.

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Wake up, birthday boy! You're another year older!

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-I think I'll skip this birthday.

-Your mum's tried that a few times.

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When you're 70 and I'm still 39, who'll be laughing then?

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You have to celebrate all your birthdays. Those are the rules!

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-Are the monsters still arguing?

-They seem to be quiet enough,

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so I bet they're friends again.

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OK! Where are my presents?

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-You want presents?

-Did you get any?

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-No!

-You?

-I didn't know he was going to want any!

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-Hand them over!

-Oh, you mean...

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these?

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-Happy birthday, Human Boy Thingy.

-Happy birthday, smelly.

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Happy birthday.

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-FIEND SHOUTING

-Take...that!

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CLATTERING FEROCIOUS GRUNTING

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I was really looking forward to the party!

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Don't worry about it.

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I made bogey trifle and everything!

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Hey...

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I was thinking about taking back this lame present I bought Eddie,

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cos it's just... And I was thinking,

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I might get him that jeep he's been banging on about.

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-But that will use up all your money!

-No.

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What about the jacket you've been saving up for?

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Oh, it's fine. I'll just go cold.

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You really love your little brother, don't you?

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I hope that you never repeat that in public. And if you do,

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you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

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Oh, poppet!

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I have been calling around,

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and have invited your classmates to your Fun Splash party.

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It is going to be wet and wild!

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I'm not really up for it.

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Eddie! There's going to be water and slides!

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You're going to hurtling along at breakneck speeds

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through pitch-black tunnels of fear, screaming for mercy,

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then spat out and slammed into an icy-cold pool of pain!

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-Well...

-Sold to the crazy guy in the corner!

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No son of mine's going without a party on his birthday.

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My bathing suit!

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-Goggles, check. Towel, check.

-What are you doing?

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Here we go! Fun Splash!

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-Not after last time.

-Sorry, Dad!

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You should never have attempted to dive off that high board.

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Well...I may have misjudged my entry a little.

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You did a 30-foot belly flop and lost your trunks, Dad.

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-It was an accident!

-You'll scare Eddie's friends.

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I've got braces! They won't fall down this time.

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-See? Promise.

-We can't take that kind of risk.

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Please let me go to the pool.

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We'll let you watch the party from a safe distance.

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BRACES TWANG

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But...there's going to be water and slides!

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-Eddie can't have a party without us!

-What? No party?

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Oh, no!

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He's having it with his school thingy friends instead!

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Oh, that hurts so bad!

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NORMAN CLUCKS SADLY

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Yeah. Oh, hey - wait!

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We're talking again!

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HE LAUGHS I'm talking to you.

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-You're talking to me!

-Uh-huh!

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-NORMAN GIBBERS

-Yeah, and it feels so right!

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I've missed you guys!

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Ah, come here, you big lug!

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HE ROARS HAPPILY

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It's a love thing.

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Yeah. You guys complete me.

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Well, nearly.

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We need Eddie!

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-NORMAN SINGS

-Let's get him back!

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He's our fourth monster - a little pink one with no fur.

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I love the little pink no-furred monster.

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-Mm. So what shall we do now?

-Let's have another hug!

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THEY LAUGH

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Hello, Tommy? Yes. This is Nick Carlson,

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Dad Thingy. Mm. You know the party's cancelled?

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There's no water in the pool.

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Er... I drank it!

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Quick! We need more excuses! Think! Think!

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-There's a shark in the pool.

-Hmm. Used it.

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HE CHATTERS

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Use the SAME excuse?

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-Is that allowed?

-Well, it COULD work.

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Yeah. Second-hand excuses!

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We're kind of recycling!

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Oh, it's all very eco, isn't it?

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We can cancel the party AND save the planet!

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FIEND LAUGHS

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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Hello, Charlie?

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DOOR CLICKS

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Eddie! You're back!

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-Did you cancel my party?

-Yeah. We wanted you home

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-to tell you that we've made up!

-Isn't it great?

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We like each other again!

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-HE GIGGLES

-Oh, yeah! Great!

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-Because I don't like YOU.

-Huh?

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-Say what?

-You ruined my first party, and now you've ruined the second.

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This is the worst birthday ever!

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But let's play! Oh, come on, Eddie - be Eddie!

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Yeah! Be Eddie, Eddie!

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HE WHIMPERS

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Guys, I'm his sister, OK? I'm allowed to treat him badly,

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but you aren't.

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You three have behaved very selfishly.

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If you ever expect Eddie to forgive you,

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you have a lot of making up to do.

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I really wanted to go swimming.

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NORMAN WHIMPERS

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-FIEND SIGHS

-Any minute now

0:18:380:18:41

Eddie will run in here with a big grin on his face!

0:18:410:18:45

You'll see! Any...

0:18:450:18:48

minute...now.

0:18:480:18:50

-He's not coming, is he?

-No!

0:18:520:18:55

THEY SOB

0:18:550:18:57

He may never be our friend again!

0:18:570:19:01

-How long is "never"?

-I don't know!

0:19:010:19:04

Maybe even a whole day!

0:19:040:19:06

THEY ALL WAIL

0:19:060:19:10

-What are we going to do?

-I don't...

0:19:100:19:13

Hey!

0:19:130:19:14

I think I might know how we can make it up to him!

0:19:140:19:17

I mean...

0:19:170:19:19

it's a radical solution. I'm thinking way outside the box here!

0:19:190:19:24

Just say it!

0:19:240:19:25

-Rubbish birthday, huh?

-The very worst.

0:19:360:19:39

-Hey, you still have my present to open.

-I'll do it later.

0:19:390:19:43

No. I think you should do it right now. It's really good -

0:19:430:19:46

like, really good. Did I mention it's really good?

0:19:460:19:49

-Is it homemade?

-No, not this time.

0:19:490:19:52

I bought it from a real shop, with real money.

0:19:520:19:55

-What is it?

-Well, you'll just have to come downstairs and find out.

0:19:550:19:58

Come on!

0:19:580:20:00

Come on!

0:20:020:20:03

HE SIGHS

0:20:030:20:06

-Happy birthday!

-Surprise!

-Surprise!

0:20:090:20:13

You decided to show up!

0:20:130:20:14

It was their idea to throw you a party.

0:20:140:20:18

That doesn't change anything. I'm still angry.

0:20:180:20:20

-THEY SIGH

-Sorry, Eddie.

0:20:200:20:23

Yeah. Sorry, Eddie. NORMAN CHATTERS UNHAPPILY

0:20:230:20:27

You did it! You said sorry!

0:20:270:20:30

-We did?

-You see?

0:20:300:20:33

Monsters CAN say sorry. You felt bad, and you apologised!

0:20:330:20:38

Wow! This is amazing!

0:20:380:20:40

You know, saying sorry has actually lifted a huge weight

0:20:400:20:44

off my shoulders. I feel light as a feather!

0:20:440:20:47

Whoa, hang on. What's happening?

0:20:470:20:50

-Quick! Somebody grab me!

-THEY LAUGH

0:20:500:20:52

Agh!

0:20:520:20:54

I'm not a bird thingy! I don't like heights!

0:20:540:20:57

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh, yeah! That's right!

0:20:570:21:00

Mock me! Laugh at the little green flying monster.

0:21:000:21:04

What's the view like from up there?

0:21:040:21:06

It's actually pretty good! Hey, Human Dad Thingy -

0:21:060:21:10

did you know you've got a little bald patch on top of your head?

0:21:100:21:13

What? No, I do not.

0:21:130:21:15

Oh! And the top of the bookcase could do with a good dusting.

0:21:150:21:20

Why don't you do it while you're up there?

0:21:200:21:22

Sure! Want me to lick it off?

0:21:220:21:25

THEY GROAN

0:21:250:21:26

Here, Eddie! Eddie, Eddie! We got you a present, too.

0:21:260:21:29

-You did?

-Yeah. We made it all by ourselves - from fruit.

0:21:290:21:34

HE TRILLS AND POPS

0:21:340:21:36

Yes, and a little bit of bogey to hold it together.

0:21:360:21:39

Oh, this I've got to see.

0:21:390:21:41

Oh, my gosh! Wow! That's amazing! A jeep!

0:21:410:21:45

And it's even better than the one in the shop!

0:21:450:21:48

Shucks! NORMAN CLUCKS MODESTLY

0:21:480:21:52

-OK, Angela. I'll open your present now.

-Er...

0:21:520:21:55

No. It's fine. We'll, um... We'll open it later.

0:21:550:21:59

Hey, Eddie! We made you a special monster birthday drink!

0:21:590:22:04

Ooh! Er... Ta-daaah!

0:22:040:22:07

Have you ever had a spit cocktail?

0:22:070:22:11

-Ew!

-Hey, a lot of effort went into that!

0:22:110:22:14

The jug didn't just fill itself, you know.

0:22:140:22:17

OK, guys! This way for some really nasty party food.

0:22:170:22:22

-THEY LAUGH AND SHOUT

-Hey... Hey, guys?

0:22:220:22:25

Wait! Don't leave me up here! Hello?

0:22:250:22:30

Wait, guys! Wait... Oh, hey!

0:22:300:22:33

-That's where that bogey ball went.

-HE CHUCKLES

0:22:330:22:36

Oh...

0:22:360:22:38

Whoa!

0:22:380:22:39

It's actually quite relaxing.

0:22:390:22:42

Ready?

0:22:450:22:46

One, two...

0:22:460:22:49

-three...

-NORMAN CHATTERS

0:22:490:22:52

THEY ALL SHOUT Happy birthday!

0:22:520:22:56

Just...brings a tear to your eye. Literally.

0:22:580:23:01

Are you going to make a wish?

0:23:020:23:05

I wish that we never fall out again.

0:23:050:23:07

-Who wants a slice of birthday cake?

-ME!

-Me.

0:23:070:23:11

'I guess friends argue from time to time,

0:23:110:23:13

'but really good friends always make up again,

0:23:130:23:17

'and Fiend, Haggis and Norman are the best.'

0:23:170:23:20

-Hey, let's play some party games!

-Yeah!

0:23:200:23:23

-Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey!

-Yeah! Where's the donkey?

0:23:230:23:27

-We don't have one.

-Oh.

0:23:270:23:30

Pin-the-tail-on-Dad-Thingy!

0:23:300:23:33

Keep away from me.

0:23:330:23:35

Here, little donkey...

0:23:350:23:37

-OK. No, no, no...

-Here, little donkey!

0:23:370:23:39

That's... That's... Whoa, that's close enough!

0:23:390:23:42

Aaargh!

0:23:430:23:45

FIEND CACKLES

0:23:450:23:47

I won!

0:23:470:23:49

This is the best birthday ever!

0:23:490:23:52

Can I have my birthday present now?

0:23:580:24:00

Oh, that!

0:24:010:24:04

-It's still my birthday, you know.

-Yeah.

0:24:040:24:07

OK,

0:24:090:24:10

I guess.

0:24:100:24:12

Wow! A jeep! That's so cool! That's what I really wanted!

0:24:210:24:24

-Thanks, sis!

-That's all right!

0:24:240:24:27

Well, what about the monsters' present?

0:24:270:24:30

That's not a jeep. It's a fruit salad.

0:24:300:24:33

THEY LAUGH

0:24:350:24:37

# Don't be sad or lonely

0:24:460:24:48

# If you need someone to hold your hand

0:24:480:24:52

# Me and my monsters can #

0:24:520:24:56

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0:24:560:25:00

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0:25:000:25:04

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0:25:040:25:04

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